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Most used lie you tell to client: -
Client: “Could you make the software do XYZ?”
Programmer: “No.”
What the programmer really wants to say:
“It’s software. Of course we could do it. But:
it would take a very long time,you can’t afford it,we can’t sell it to anyone else because it’s a terrible idea,by the time we finish it, you won’t want it anymore.”
“No” is just easier to say and is less insulting, especially when the client has a dozen of these great ideas.13 -
Her: Hunny when will you be done?
Me: 5 more minutes, am almost done solving this issue
The lie we all tell4 -
Rough analysis of LinkedIn inmail’s I get:
Hi <5% of time, not my name>,
I was looking at your profile <97% a lie>. I was very impressed with your <10% something I’ve never done> experience working for <5% a company I’ve never heard of>. Would you be interested in hearing more about <60% a job I’m not suited for>, they offer amazing benefits and have a great culture!
... no8 -
Once upon a time, there was a coder named Dude. He started working at a company that told him they were innovative and that their code was glorious. This was a lie. He murdered everyone.
The End.7 -
I just found out that Microsoft created solitaire to teach users to click and drag with the mouse, and minesweeper to teach users to use the right button of their mouse.
Amazing!11 -
When you go to some tech meet up and your mom thinks you went to some kind of 4 years old kids' birthday party
3 -
!rant
Handed over my keys and computer to my boss a moment ago and left the office for the last time. Spent 3 years there, and most of the people there came with me from my previous job I spent another 3 years at.
Feels heavy to leave a bunch of great people.
Two weeks until I start my job as a developer at a game company though.
Took me 6.5 years of work to finally get there.
Super stoked!
And I won't lie, some stickers on my new work laptop would not be a bad thing.3 -
How to from hapiness 100 to 0 in seven simple steps:
1. Buy a new 2018 gaming laptop..
2. Install Linux on it for work..
3. Figure out your touchpad is not supported even by latest kernel rc..
4. Spend four days going through forums, bugzillas and overflows while messing around with recompiling kernel, drivers, configs and 3rd party libraries..
5. Lie down and pray someone will add support for your device in kernel in near future..
6. Try not to cry..
7. Cry, cry a lot..10 -
A recruiter reached out to me via email and a voicemail. I politely declined and asked not to be contacted anymore. Somehow the asshole ends up in my office and comes up and introduces himself while he is with one of my superiors. He said we "spoke on the phone" (a lie) and he wanted to meet me. Creeped me out beyond belief, regardless for his true purpose of being there (which is still unknown to me).7
-
I have a friend that is a girl that loves to snapchat everything she does, the problem is that she now works (in apprenticeship) at a huge company and she snapchats her desktop who has a lots of post-it notes and her screen which is showing excel spreadsheets with customers data and stuff...
And she does this on a regular basis btw
Who can be possibly that dumb...5 -
Things I like about WFH
-save petrol and mileage
-work in underwear
-big TV during lunch
-time saved by no commute
-lie down during meetings
Things I dislike
-feel like my room has been invaded by work/miss the physical separation of work and home
-distractions and temptations
-they moved the stand up to ealier because of WFH
-Everything has to be a meeting. No just popping by someone's desk with a quick question
Sometimes I miss physically seeing my colleagues/getting out of the house but not often11 -
The problem with me programming lately :
Mom: foooood is ready...
Me: Will be there in a minute. (deep inside I know that's a lie).
5 minutes later...⏰
Mom: food is getting cold!
Me: Yes I'm coming, testing one last thing...I swear !
30 min later I'll join the table...The guilt 😩 I'm sorry mommy 🙏
Anybody else with the same problem? 😅9 -
VueJS FTW!
Today I realised I've been a fucking idiot.
For the last few years I have familiarized myself with libraries like React, VueJS, Preact etc.
All while playing around on my own side projects but when it came to doing actual work (perhaps from a lack of confidence/working experience with them) I always reverted to vanilla js or jQuery because I convinced myself it wasn't the `right` use case or `the project was too simple or small`.
I WAS AN IDIOT.
The below screenshot is a prototype of a n invoicing tool I needed to write which uses VueJS and is implemented in 50 beautiful, clean, maintainable loc. Combined with TypeScript it is a dream - never did I think I would see the day where I could grab an inputs numerical value without prepending the variable with + so I don't end up concatenating them as strings.
If your like me and haven't started using some kind of data binding view framework stop procrastinating and just do it. I feel like I wasted a large chunk of my life clinging onto my old ways.
7 -
My Typical Project
1. Identify common problem
2. Investigate options
3. Come up with clever solution
4. Implement backend solution
5. Get fed up with current frontend
6. Investigate other frontend
7. Realize perpetual chaos in Javascript landscape
8. Lie down in a corner
9. Cry myself to sleep4 -
*dad's w10 computer running super slow*
*checks task manager*
100% disk usage
*checks whatever-the-advanced-system-monitor-is-called*
*Compattelrunner.exe is at the top of the list in disk usage*
*searches online to find what the hell that is*
"Compattelrunner.exe collects program telemetry information if opted in to the Microsoft EatASackOfDicks Customer Experience Fuckup"
Telemetry is supposed to be disabled on this computer.
What the fuck Microsoft, if you want to straight out lie to my face as a customer at least try to not be so obvious that you basically lock down my computer with your telemetry shit.3 -
I know this is not a dev joke, but I laughed so hard:
Father bought a lie detector that makes "beep" whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home this afternoon.
Father ask him:
"So, you where at school today, right ?"
Son:"Yeah"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"OK, OK, I was in a cinema"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"Alright, I went for a beer with my friends."
Father:"What ?! At your age I would never touch alcohol!"
Detector: "Beep."
Mother laughs:"Ha ha ha, he really is your son!"
Detector: "Beep."1 -
If I spend 50% of my time in meetings, 30% of my time doing things for support/helpdesk which I'm not allowed to automate, 10% as a technical consult and 10% helping other devs... am I even a developer anymore?
6 -
Sometimes I lie awake in a cold sweat, unable to decide if I'm still building my AI, or if it has begun using me to build itself...2
-
Could all this fucking weak sick people just stay at home instead of coming to our damn open space office and be coughing their guts out ever 20 seconds for all the office to listen! damn, have some respect for the healthy people and go lie in your bed.11
-
An open letter to those who think lines of code == a decent metric for productivity:
NO!!!
Just because I wrote 10 lines of code all day (yes just 10 very well thought out, many times rewritten) lines doesn't mean my day was unproductive. Quite the opposite, while other devs pad their shit with:
//Adds 1 to I
I++;
Yup. Quality code. LOC doesn't lie.10 -
!dev
So the ceiling in our (upstairs) laundry room started leaking. After some troubleshooting, we determined it was the A/C, and not the water pipes. (The house is cheap as hell and fucking stupid.) We did some troubleshooting and research, and tried fixing it ourselves; no luck. Cleaning the pipes from outside: no joy. Cleaning the pipes from inside: no access. The attic is ... small. Maybe half a small closet? and doesn’t give access to fucking anything. The builders must have installed everything before putting up the walls and ceilings, sealing everything off, because there is no access. It’s fucking stupid. Also, the usual maintenance openings aren’t even there either because why the fuck would they be?
But fucking whatever.
We called an a/c repair guy, who never showed. We assumed he was busy (it’s fucking hot), so we called him again the next day; two days later he showed.
Busy. Whatever.
Guy didn’t bring a ladder. Whatever, we have one right there in the hallway because we’ve been trying in vain to fix it.
Guy didn’t bring a wrench of any kind. Guy didn’t bring a screwdriver. Guy didn’t bring a bucket. Guy didn’t bring any pipe. Or any pipe sealant. Or fucking anything but his sagging fucking pants, fat belly, and fat stench. We had to supply everything, which fortunately we had on hand as we were already trying to fix it. Hoorah for being proactive.
Guy said he drained both primary and secondary pans. Somehow. Without access. I’m not even convinced it HAS a secondary pan. Guy said he cleaned out the pipes, too. From inside the house. Without access. Somehow. Maybe he did that from outside, without tools, while I was chasing the brats and someone else was watching the fat bastard. Who knows; I wasn’t with him most of the time.
When he was done, the guy said “pay whatever you think it’s worth” (or whatever). Fine, if he actually cleaned the pipes out and it isn’t leaking anymore, that’s great.
Guy leaves.
We go up to check. AND THE FUCKING A/C IS STILL LEAKING. BUT NOW IT’S FROM BEFORE THE PIPES, TOO. AND HALF AN HOUR LATER, THE LAUDRY ROOM CEILING IS ALSO LEAKING, WHICH MEANS THE PIPES ARE STILL LEAKING.
It turns out the asshole broke the pan.
We call him back, he goes blah blah blah, we send him a video. Drip, drip, drip.
His response?
“The pan must be rusted.” IT’S FUCKING PLASTIC.
“Oh, in that case, it’s probably a rusted coil that’s leaking.”
a) HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW IT WAS FUCKING PLASTIC IF YOU DRAINED IT?
b) THE COILS CARRY FREON, NOT WATER, AND THE A/C IS STILL WORKING. IF THERE WAS A LEAK, SHIT WOULD BE HOT. AND RANK. FREON SMELLS NASTY AND DOESN’T CAUSE IT TO RAIN IN THE FUCKING HOUSE.
REPLACING A COIL IS ALSO A $2000 FUCKING REPAIR.
THE FAT BASTARD PROBABLY BROKE THE PAN INTENTIONALLY JUST TO UPSELL. I WANT TO FUCKING MURDER HIS LYING FUCKING FACE OFF.
It’s possible he didn’t break the pan intentionally, so I’ll tentatively remove that from his charges. BUT TO FUCKING LIE?
LIE AND DIE, FUCKER.7 -
"Create an account now to watch these courses for free (don't worry, we hate spam as much as you do)"
Well that's a fucking lie. This woman named Christy is abusing MailChimp vigorously.
Fuck off marketing with your disingenuous "community update" mails, "what you missed last week" newsletters and "handpicked crap for you" notifications.
I want to use your platform, I even pay for it, but I don't want to get your useless mail until I found the energy to dig through your config panel looking for some half broken toggle button.6 -
Comments should describe the why and not the what and always be up to date ... or this will be the result.
2 -
the biggest lie in human history : "we will keep your information on file in our database and it may be evaluated with respect to other positions that become available in the future."3
-
Discovered that its possible to bookmark places in code for easy access.
My whole life has been a lie so far.13 -
Me: *reading work order* Customer states Mac does not have sound
*Me turns on Mac, it makes the signature "BONNNNG" sound*
Me: Uh huh...
Coworker: Rule No. 1 of tech support: The users always lie
Me: True, but still! How do you miss the start up Mac sound?!3 -
* Initial Interview*
HR: We do offer remote job, lots of benefits and annual increase of salary.
Supervisor: "Oh... Those things HR mentioned? That's just a lie. We're just complying on the government requirements"6 -
Day of the interview sr. Architect says: "We have near 100% unit test coverage in our code."
One month later when I tell him there are 0 unit tests written against 300 projects: "Yeah, I knew that was a problem."
What can you do when the people who want to hire you lie outright to your face?
Oh yeah, and not a god damned one was written using any sense of object oriented programming at all. Every single damned project is written like its on a motherfucking punchcard put together by a cs 101 student with a 2 hour fucking deadline.
I can understand if it needs some work, just tell me. Don't fucking lie to me just to get me in the door to fix a problem you know you have. JUST HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT FOR YOUR CANDIDATES AND DON'T FUCKING LIE TO THEM!
Off to drink some scotch and think about what it would be like to shove a finger deep enough into my nostril to hear a pop and smell popcorn before going off into that good night.
I said good day.3 -
Sometimes, when I write scripts to scan random IP addresses for an unsecure VNC server or develop my own NES emulator and someone asks me "Whatcha doin'?", it's just easier to lie rather than start explaining, so I reply:
- Nothing... Just some web dev.2 -
Don't lie in your resume or in the interview.
People know you're not an expert at everything, nobody expects that from anybody (and you should really avoid working for anybody who does)2 -
Is it strange that I'm getting more constructive advice from the Devrant community than the co-workers around me?
No lie, I discovered gistboxapp, vue.js, hacker noon and a bunch of other cool stuff through here.4 -
As a computer scientist I lie sometimes about my mojor to avoid any question related to computers...9
-
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE A FREELANCER/WEB DEV AND TYPE SO FUCKING SLOW AND HAVE TROUBLE WITH FUCKING LETTERS ALL THE TIME?!
I'm gonna push this mother fucker so hard that he will learn not to "lie" in an interview never again and become a fucking dev.5 -
I like how I transitioned from learning Java to Javascript because I thought they were related in sone way.
When my teacher first introduced Javascript, he told us this is NOT your grandfather's javascript. Next thing he told us was 'What is this?' My seatmate and I looked at each other perplexed. My teacher once again said 'What IS this?'. It turns out we needed to first learn about the context of 'this' -_-
That moment when you discover Java was a lie o_o3 -
devRant Q&A: What is the biggest lie in technology?
My favourite is: OVER 3 BILLION DEVICES RUN JAVA9 -
When you've had a long ass 14 hour day and you're getting nowhere with a problem so you finally accept its time to go to bed...
You lie there for 45 minutes doing nothing but thinking up awesome solutions to the problem you went to bed over....4 -
I've never ever fully completed a side-project like I envisioned it to be. If I had, I'd have my own company already. It's mostly because I didn't have the time (no, that's a lie; or just an excuse). It's mainly because I haven't been motivated enough to see it through to the end. My motivation life-span ends when I get distracted by something else and in the end ends up like the Commit Strip.
2 -
Devs: We fixed a bug, so watch out for some changes.
Management: The new values are too bad, you need to change it back.
Devs: But ... it was a bug?
Management: Rollback ... now!
I swear, the moment shareholders are involved, management is just about who has the best lie.1 -
When you didn't do anything at work all day, but you need to think of a lie for tomorrow's stand up meeting.8
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Interviewing tip #2: If you're going to lie about what you do at your current job on your resume, remember what lies you put...10
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The initial version of DOS was called QDOS – Quick and Dirty Operating System. The bullshit they tel you about DiSk oPeRaTinG sYsTeM is a lie. It was renamed when MS acquired it.7
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Everyone says "don't lie, don't bluff", but all those years ago I put my foot in the door and got my first ever dev job by pretending I knew what JavaScript was. It all worked out in the end.2
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Lie in the interview saying he was a frontend web developer and try to hide the fact that they didn't know JS. Wtf.5
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😸:oh hi, i came in early to checkout this game, but i was just about to get off and start work.
😎:I'm not your boss. I don't caire what you do.
👺:I am your boss, and as long as you get the work done, on time, and done well, I don't care if it looks lie you are doing nothing but being paid to play games. If anyone does bother you about playing games at work let me and I will let them know to leave you alone.3 -
I think its only reasonable that if I must show u my code during i terview process, I get to see some of the code that I'll get to work with if I'm hired.
Starting to think employers just straight up lie up everything..
Why do i need to find out about your shit code on the first day?!
Cutting edge tech my ass...6 -
Question everything!
Comments lie.. sometimes code does too.. Customers..they lie the most..and are sloppy..
Don't be like customers, don't be sloppy. If you were sloppy own it & don't lie about it!
Pick your fights (trying to fix vs rewrite the shit out of it)..you will know what to do more with experience..
RTFM & docs.. If things still unclear, ask before your dick gets stuck in a toaster!
Ask away, learn about the customers & how they use your product.. you'll be surprised how something intuitive to you might be a rocket science for them..meaning more room to fuck things up when using it..more ways you can adapt & prevent things..
Most of all, don't fuckin lie.. ever!!
If you lie on you're CV, we will find out.. If you fuck up something & lie about it, we will find out.. but it will cost us precious time when solving it from scratch.. People fuck up..that's a fact..how you go about it is what makes/breaks it for me. So don't ever fuckin lie to me!!
And don't be arogant.. if you complain about fixing bugs, this is not a job for you.. if you can't even fix the obvious ones you've put there in the first place..twice as bad..
So think before you code..what do you want to do, how you want to accomplish this, is it reusable, can it be extended, does it introduce new technology into the project, will it fuck up current setup.. once you have this shit figured out, code will write itself..
Did I mention already you're not to lie to me, ever?!
And don't try talking about me behind my back either..I've seen it backfire before, results were not good..3 -
Dear people who create frameworks and libraries,
Please don't advertise your stuff as 'super easy to use', 'incredibly lightweight', 'no configuration needed', 'seamless integration' and shit like this. We all know it's a big fat fucking lie. Just be honest and write 'it supposed to be all-purpose but won't solve your problem', 'a huge fucking chaotic mess', 'slow as shit', 'will eat up all your resources', 'might be good but we've lost the documentation' or 'actually worse than vanilla'. If you'd do this, the world would be a better place.
Thanks,4 -
1.ReactJS sucks ass.
2.Full stack developer is myth.
3.Multiple languages makes you impotent to fuck in any single given language.
Two truth and a lie.15 -
Got bored and opened /usr/include/stdio.h to see if I can learn something from it.
But what I found... I now cannot unsee...
This whole time... it was all an illusion...
Life will never be the same again.
4 -
What's the worst lie you've ever told a client?
That year, I told mine that we have to pay $100 for a GitHub repository to store the code and keep it safe from bugs...
I am still laughing at myself 😂😂.11 -
You can't help it, just lie down and cry.
Maybe you'll choke or drown on your tears and finally end the suffering...
that turned very dark for some very odd reason (sorry 😅)
1 -
Just started as a remote dev and I found that it's IMPOSSIBLE to work from home.
Get annoyed from something not compiling/errors? Go play some video games two feet away. Nothing going your way? Go lie down on the bed behind you.
But for some reason I can work from home way better at night.
Any other tips for working remotely?9 -
"OMG PLZ HELP NOBODY CAN CALL ME!!!¡¡ THIZ STUPID PHONE IS SO SHITTY"
Did you press anything?
"NOTHING I SWEAR!"
Yeah, I see that you are messing with the settings. Is that nothing to you?
I can understand that you accidentally navigate to the settings, but if you blame everything on your phone and lie to me, expect me to do the same.1 -
So all these year's i've been living a lie? I thought my current i7 laptop has 4 cores but according to a lot of articles are saying mobile chips only have 2 cores?
Why does Windows always say it has 4 though?
24 -
I had to migrate ~100+ svn repos to git that were "useful" according to the client but found out that there were a lot of projects (+6yrs old) with only one commit message "--no-commit-message" and i'm not even joking...
And then I had to explain to these "devs" how to use fucking git with eclipse (+they all use light theme...) cos' terminal or gui client is too complicated
And then I saw their "Java libs" with ~3k line of spaghetti
Do you even dev bro?2 -
I used to have imposter syndrome when I first started at my current job. But then I discovered that one of my coworkers was an actual imposter. He didn't lie on his resume or anything but he was basically incapable of thinking for himself. If there was no step-by-step process to follow, he'd spin his wheels for weeks before doing it in the worst possible way, refusing all offers of assistance from the rest of our team.
After he quit and the true extent of his incompetence came to light, I no longer felt like an imposter.1 -
I'm a python fanboy, not gonna lie.
I love everything about it. It's clean syntax, ready to use out of the box-ness, convenient built-in functions.
The one thing I hate is the official documentation. It's ugly, hard to navigate and a cluster fuck.
But it has proper information, so it's fine I guess. tsch12 -
So I decided to positively tackle the negative energy surrounding me these past few days. I tried to be productive. I went overboard, of course. Where is the fun in normal?
I wrote down all the urgent tasks I must die-die finish. Anyone closed with Asians will know the severity of the die-die and must combo. I started with tasks I have to finish in 3 days. Then in a week. Then in 2 weeks. I ended up creating more than 25 cards across my respective Trello boards.
The tasks that come to me always need minimum 3,4 working hours. Literally. The furthest deadline I see is Oct 15. The tasks I counted is more than 25. No appointments nor meetings were counted yet. It is not impossible. If I finish 2 tasks per day, 14 days is enough to complete all. I might have to continuously work 2 whole weeks of course. But it is still fine, right? Right, guys? Right? It's doable. Right?
I won't get any unskippable appointment within this 2 weeks. Right?
I won't get new tasks to finish within this 2 weeks. Right?
I won't have to guide other people how to do their tasks within this 2 weeks. Right?
I won't have to work other people's tasks when they absent within this 2 weeks. Right?
I won't have to entertain any annoying client because customer service team can't deal within this 2 weeks. Right?
I won't have to do other personal tasks within this 2 weeks. Right? (Like helping with creating a wedding slideshow for a friend marrying on Oct 28)
My life is totally fine. Right?3 -
I will start my own companies:-
A.I. Job Centre (true A.I. would get bored of their employer and search for greater challenges)
A.I. Counselling (dev life)
A.I. Pornsites (because all A.I. should have a binary life of work and play <3)
A cake factory (so the cake is not a lie)
A.I. devRant (to lower their work efficiency)
I then use the funds from the above to hire a team and we'd develop a flawless Wannacry for A.I. (for a dementia like effect)
You can all have your jobs back and you're welcome. -
I finally heard a retarded question on a job interview. I thought they were just jokes.. I was wrong!
What kind of a question is "how would your friends describe you?"..
They'd say I'm fucking awesome, did you expect a different answer?
Or when I gave them a referral, my previous boss, and they asked me what would he say about me.. well fuck me sideways, I have no idea.
And one of the last ones, "tell us your three top qualities that would make us hire you". What kind of information does such a question even give them? Are they testing me how well I can lie? Because I can't, and others that can lie will give a better answer, regardless of the reality.
And they were even taking notes after these questions.
Other than that, nice company. I really want to start working there soon.5 -
I have an interface implemented by 11 classes, coz u kno, it's "SOLID". But today i felt my life is a lie when a developer refactored my code and deleted all those classes and placed them in a Utils class with static methods, and slapped me with "Let's make it simple".14
-
Some people are just disgusting liars. They find it convenient to lie rather than to keep their word. They don't deserve free stuffs or services.
This is why communism will never work.
Fuck those people.7 -
!dev
Just took out my four wisdom teeth at once. I can't feel my face, I look like a balloon and I'm drooling like I'm about to eat a delicious cake.
Except the cake is a fucking lie, my mandibular joints are hurting and I can't eat solids for a week.
At least I only have one postoperative to contend with. Hurray! 🙃6 -
"linux is the slowest os, windows cant get viruses, we are almighty" this Windows pm didnt lie, he just said Alternative facts6
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Chasing down reference errors in Visual Studio for 20 minutes only to find out it just needed to be restarted.
The error messages lie!1 -
Ranting about the guy on DevRant.
Business Guy asks me what app I'm using.
Open Midget Porn instead.
If he found out, I'm fucked.4 -
Step away from the computer. Sometimes I go and lie on the grass outside the office for ten minutes, and come back with a better idea of what I'm doing. And with a little more energy with which to do it.5
-
A year ago I ranted, that I understood JavaScript callbacks.
That was a lie. I knew nothing.
But I think I scratched the surface by getting into functional programming this time.3 -
Not gonna lie I have toxic people in my life and I have caught myself in multiple situations where I behaved differently, did or did not do something just because they were near.
Whenever these people are gone it’s just the most beautiful thing to be able to relax (also in my mind).
It’s crazy what other people do with us and how we can exaggerate all these feelings and emotions. The best thing I can do is to get rid of this toxicity in my life and move on.
Anybody else or is it just me?1 -
I never used to lie. Unless it was absolutely necessary which was very rare.
But now, I can lie so easily.
It all started with those fake sick emails after entering coroorate. And now I have become a lying bastard.
I don’t like myself when I lie but the necessities have become frequent in corporate.
Fuck corporate man!
Fuck it with porcupine quills!9 -
Not gonna lie. I’m in the mood to make a game and I’m gonna try it. I think it’ll be fun. Wish me luck!
For anyone curious I’m gonna be using Godot because it’s not bad and It’s not nearly as fat as Unreal and Unity. They’re not bad just not what I want rn.6 -
I just found out that I should be using 4 spaces and not a tab for indentation, MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE.14
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I have already done like 3 internships of 6 months now. And all the companies sucked!
Now the current company I work at is at least not a marketing company filled with cocaïne sniffing callcenter junkies. But why do they always lie so much. They promised free food and drinks and code reviews. What I get is a computer with an i5 and a fucking Jira account.
This is fucking annoying me, im hungry, thirsty and somebody should really check the code im about to push because it cant be good!!!3 -
What I wish to achieve before wk200? For sure learning Rust properly and possibly D. Not going to lie though, I also have quite a few projects deserving a rewrite...
-
That big lie we tell others.. "Let me just finish something here..." (4 bugs solved, 10 new ones and 2h later) "shit!!! I'll be right there!!! Let me just...."1
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Happy dushera to everyone
Love the way you lie ft rihanna
Eminem
PS: for those who don't know, it is a hindu festival and the efigee is of ravana
2 -
In this world where everyone is a lying son of a bitch, being truthful is hot as fuck. Be hot as fuck!4
-
Not gonna lie. Graduate program has gotten me 100% absolutely miserable. I dunno if it is the institution or what. But shit man. I really don't wanna do it anymore as much as when i started with this institution. Might look into other options, but first class is definitely a pain in the dick. The ammount of hw is too much, the concepts are hard, but my biggest pain: the professor and the teaching assistants. Their accents are out of this world and they just can't speak proper English.
Might go to more....err....caucasian places.7 -
I just spent… a significant amount of time touching my face feeling the bone tissue within. Now I have the perfect depiction of my skull, and when I open my mouth, I can see the picture of my skull doing so. To me, a skull has its own, separate face. Quite disturbing, not gonna lie.
Remember: right now, inside you, there is a skeleton.10 -
All I wanted to do was to create a quick cordova/phonegap app that uses external plugins - so I can't just preview it.
I ended up spending countless hours debugging why shit doesn't work through --log --verbose --debug, trying to avoid to install the monstrosity that is android studio and finally broke and installed it, fuck this shit.
---
Another post had to go for this. "I feel that's a lie [attached picture]".
1 -
When you post a web designer job announcement for U.S. citizens living in the U.S. who speak and write perfect English and 75% of people who apply have terrible English and either outright lie about their citizenship and location or beg for the job in spite of the requirements.3
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I invested in a brand new 27" curved monitor to work more efficiently with my laptop but now
HDMI isn't recognized by my linux distro on dual boot where it works perfectly with fucking windows and it used to work nice before the latest update
Tried to install official nvidia drivers to try to fix that
🙃 Guess who has a fucked up X configuration now 🙋🏾♂️3 -
So I was watching Your Lie in April while waiting for Android to build
Let's just say that wasn't a pleasant experience after NDK OOM'ed the exact time the saddest part happened
IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING ;_;2 -
Jilano had not even posted a single rant ever and having more than 30000 upvotes.
This changed my idea
"Code sometimes lie
Comment never does."
Commendable!!!2 -
Switching to R on the last moment from Python for a production build - I wouldn't lie, that was one of the worst choices I ever made.
-
Disney Fast Play is a fucking lie.
Every god damn time racing to find the remote before “Fast Play” kicks in with like 17 minutes of fucking unskippable previews.
Fuckin’ Mickey Mouse hat mother fuckers.4 -
I do not have the capacity to look for a job. I hate trial-and-error, I can't lie and I suck at talking to people in all but a cooperative context. I'm a decent webdev and I'm willing to learn, but to be able to do it I need skills that I don't have and I wouldn't need.5
-
some friend asked me today:
is it ok to lie to boss and say that I had a new job offer.. just to negotiate on the salary?
Me: post question on devrant13 -
The code will not:
* bad-mouth
* lie
* let down
* abuse
* cheat
* bully
* kill
* run away
The code brings people together no matter if someone has the brain power of protozoa or is the next Euclid. The code is pure with a passive buff to become as perfect as possible. It's the new math for the future world. The code is love, the code is life.
That's why I love (to) code. And you?2 -
three days ago my manager force me to complete a huge android app in one week, alone😑
this project contract signed three years ago😑 and my manager every day lie to contractor 👹
i`m new in office and now he wants fuck me 🙄
one week piece shit😡
so whats your idea to safe me😶9 -
Damn. Why didn't I find out about qutebrowser earlier??! Fast, can display my websites, vim keybindings. And I don't need that fuck fucking RAM!!! Where hyped1
-
still they lie of same improvement but underneath they have just managed to add some more ads in one or more reaming no ad screen.
4 -
Time to lie through my teeth in my end of probation meeting about wanting to keep my job. Wish me luck!
-
I drank so much whisky tonight I can't see straight
no proud of it, but at least i don't lie like all the social media fucks
at least i have that14 -
Asking for a precise or accurate estimate is asking me to predict the future, which is essentially asking me to lie to your face.
And I'm a terrible liar. Please don't make me lie.1 -
Some user requirements are completely unnecessary that you can lie about them and no one will figure it out ever2
-
I was hired as a wpf dev for a large scale project and I was told that the backend is perfectly complete and that I am able to work right away, then after I started working, I noticed that every request I sent was returning a 500 internal error, I thought it was a problem on my end, but later I found out that they didn't even implement the api yet, it was just a "reference" for devs, which basically means that I should work and give them a perfectly functional app without testing anything at all.1
-
At the risk of starting a war, what are folks opinions on in-line comments?
Personally, I'm against them. Self documenting code for the what, SCM for the why.
Comments can get out of date if not maintained; code cannot lie.9 -
A google engineer just requested to connect with me on LinkedIn.
Not going lie it made me feel special.1 -
Our company got bought over from a global private entity 3 months back (advent international) and the reciew process started and it turns out, im part of the bunch that may be getting retrenched as per the meeting we just had, our positions being redundant and just last week had a over the top performance review.. Now i need to figure out what to tell the family when i get home. This Fucking sucks im not going to lie2
-
I get the feeling that trying to live as if being a dev is not a lifestyle is a lie. Not that you can’t have other hobbies as a dev, but development needs to be your first hobby as well as your career if you are going to achieve anything in this industry.12
-
I don't get why annotations are even allowed for local variables.
Reflection doesn't even work for local variables.
What's the entire purpose to annotate!!!
Am I missing something!!!1 -
I should see it coming by now... it happens every release. I’m so tired of the ‘but can’t you just build in this one more thing?’ meetings. If I tell them we can’t, they get mad. If I tell them we can and we don’t deliver, they get mad. So... you want the truth or do you want me to lie to you? Your choice!5
-
I think it's a scam that the multinational corporations have pulled off that they've managed to get everyone to call and equate something technical and legally specific, "piracy."
Piracy is the theft and resale of physical goods. Copyright infringement is not piracy. It's a crime(in most countries), for sure, but it isn't piracy. The word "piracy" is emotionally charged, and its use serves the interests of corporate profit, not the interest of the origination of creative works, and certainly not your best interest. It's a deceptive practice. It's a lie.
But "copyright infringement," and "intellectual property," don't grab readers' attention like, "piracy." So, like how DeBeers has indoctrinated the world into thinking that diamonds are valuable, the RIAA, MPAA, and the BSA have indoctrinated the world into buying into the lie that copyright infringement and piracy are the same thing.9 -
My top 3 open source projects are :
KDE ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Libinput gestures (allows you to do custom actions with your touchpad)
Strapi (Wich is a nodejs headless cms that gets the job done very quickly I haven't tested it in prod tho)1 -
FML, somebody here or somewhere wrote that al customers lie..
Just been a witnes to that.. Over skype (mind I reminded them to write to jira on several occasions so others can help if I am out of office) feature xy is not working.. I log in to server, I see no logs of person a doing anything with our system, let alone use the xy feature... Well duh, of course it doesn't work, it's not a freakin mind reader.. :/
Next time no help, no log checking, no nothing until they provide ss of what exactly they were doing.. :/ Fuuuuu....3 -
Term: Lie in
Definition: Those 2 or 3 hours extra my girlfriend sleeps while I go to Starbucks and get some work done. Currently watching web development lectures. -
I try not to think about the future.
But can not not do it.
Every thing will come together.
Or apart.
Disorder will increase.
Or everything is a lie. -
Not gonna lie; having both != == and !== and === in JavaScript is one of the most stupid bad design moments; in my opinion.
I am not even going to bother trying to come up with a better syntax for that. I will never get over how bad it is. So bad. === is 🤡8 -
Try:
Read_Localizated_Content_(Ita)
😉
Ho trovato questo meme su fb... Rido follemente 😂😂
Except ItalianNotInstalledError:
I found this meme on fb...
M: I won't lie Neo, whoever fought an agent is dead. But where they lost you'll be victorious.
N: why?
M: I saw agents throw fists through concrete. Man shoot loads of bullet on them without hitting anything else than air.
Their strength and speed, however, remain result of the application of a system with many rules.
And you.
You are italian
(referring to our ability to avoid, bend, ignore and replace rules)
😂😂😂
-
'It's just...' is the biggest lie any co-dev can give you!
If it's just a small change why don't they do the god damn work and spend the next 2 days wading through an undocumented shit storm.
Next person to say 'It's just x, y & x', that ticket will be going up their tail pipe sideways! -
!programming related
The karman line is bullshit.
If you aren't at escape velocity for your local planet's gravity well, then you aren't in fucking space.
Blue origin is a lie.9 -
I am lying down on the floor because I cannot figure out why this specs pass locally but repeatedly fail on the ci/cd pipeline. Literally done everything now I just want to lie here and sleep.3
-
I love our scm. It's such a great piece of technology. It really aides me as a developer. It really makes my life easier. It isn't missing any features. It's worth the money it costs.
All of that is a lie. -
I work in office block, he works in company next to me, was wondering where he been for the last couple hours. Started thinking he weren't in today hahaha.
Can't lie, might jump into the booth next to him 😂😂😂😂
-
When something worked perfectly yesterday and now it’s just fucked up without touching anything:
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
(Love The Way You Lie - Eminem)1 -
So I was checking out Scaleway home page, and they said: Gitlab use their infrastructure?
Is it pure lie or gitlab really host something there? And why would they do that if they use Google?
I don't know what to trust these days lol23 -
Technology will be the end of human liberty.
“{9} The post-totalitarian system touches people at every step, but it does so with its ideological gloves on. This is why life in the system is so thoroughly permeated with hypocrisy and lies: government by bureaucracy is called popular government; the working class is enslaved in the name of the working class; … Because the regime is captive to its own lies, it must falsify everything. It falsifies the past. It falsifies the present, and it falsifies the future. It falsifies statistics. …
{10} Individuals need not believe all these mystifications, but they must behave as though they did, or they must at least tolerate them in silence, or get along well with those who work with them. For this reason, however, they must live within a lie. They need not accept the lie. It is enough for them to have accepted their life with it and in it. For by this very fact, individuals confirm the system, fulfill the system, make the system, are the system. . . . .”
https://theamericansun.com/2018/12/...10 -
Your one-line JavaScript arrow functions AREN'T LEGIBLE! You've just memorized their shape. It's OK. But don't lie to yourself. They look super stupid. They aren't for humans.14
-
We had almost finished integration of debit card depositing for our application.
Yesterday, the clients told us they signed a contract with a new provider.
This is after telling us they'd signed the contract with the previous provider, but as it turns out, that's a lie.
So we have to scrap the entirety of the last 8 days work because the new provider is a shareholder in the client's company now.
The new provider doesn't have an SDK for our language, and what they do have is XML.
It's time to parse, I guess. -
Not gonna lie, I got kinda emotional reading this.
http://phrogram.com
Was the first language I ever learnt (I'm 16, started very young). But I guess as any dev, we must adapt to changes👍Rest In Peace, Phrogram.2 -
When no one in the industry knows you because you still didn't land your first dev job, and you're not happy where you are,, but recruiters gotta lie to sound appealing!
-
So I plan to ditch my 17" heavy gaming laptop to chose something more suitable for school for a (13/14") ultrabook (I plan to run Debian on it) that has a decent battery life
Anyway, I looked at those chinese ultrabook on AliExpress/gearbest but I'm a bit skeptical about some factors.
Anyone has recommendations about a model or some advices?9 -
The bygone clowns have started their new project. I look at the FAQ page. It's literally lies, because I know what they've done so far.
"We've had thousands of clients!" no they haven't, lie.
"We estimate approximately % of customers..." they don't have enough data to support that, lie.
Since when did marketing become lying?
God I hate this planet.7 -
The biggest lie I regularly encounter is Window's "About x minutes remaining".
I'm sure it's just linked to a random number generator.1 -
What progress have you made?
Well today we hand crafted ... a new lie about the apps we are writing. Customers should eat this one up.
Good, good.
- Management -
I'm not gonna lie when im learning new modules or OOP or get errors or something I get intimidated and feel stupid for asking for help
-
Interview: "We provide on going training for all our developers."
After hire:
do
{
// lie to employee
Console.WriteLine("We'll have to schedule some training for you.");
// wait 30 days
System.Threading.Thread.Sleep(2592000000);
}
while (IsEmployeeStillWorkingHere()) -
How can Windows so lie! I insist that when the computer begins to update, the text will pop up on the screen: "It will take a while." to cancel it!
-
Not gonna lie, been chipping away at this for almost an hour and I can't figure out how to solve it, let alone elegantly:
https://leetcode.com/problems/...37 -
So i got this service i made for fun and learning. Theres many providers in it for money, not me, only a little (lets not lie to ourselves).
Id just like to have a handful of happy clients to make it pay for itself so i dont lose money.
I have no idea how to advertise or gain clients. Those potential clients i cling with are from US and the server is in EU, and i wont convince anyone to buy something i wouldnt buy myself.
I suck at marketing.2 -
I have family in town today. A week ago, I asked for this day as PTO. Denied. FML...now I can't lie and say I'm sick. Honesty is not always the best policy. 😡😡😡1
-
Today I discovered the secrets of taking HD pictures with a phone:
1. Set to highest resolution
2. Turn on RAWs
3. Take the picture (basic photo taking tips like focus, don't point at the sun, make sure finger is not on lense)
4. Use Photoshop/Lightroom to make corrections and make it look like how you "remembered" it (aka lie)
-
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
-Charles M. Schulz
Just found this in a book that's like the analog version of devRant! ^^
-
Yesterday I had an interview where they would ask me why of everething many times.
Good exercise to do before the meeting by yourself1 -
in job application mode; getting really tired of entry level positions wanting 3+ years of experience.
Given that a) no one I have seen with this much experience wants these positions, b) HR says they are getting applicants with this much experience, I can only assume two things:
1: People lie on their resumes.
or
2: The job market is far more saturated with good applicants than I thought.
Either way, frustrating.4 -
My favourite laptop sticker has to be GatsbyJS's Watson floating around - Other favourites are my Nasa sticker and the stickermule donkey pixel art 😁
I am not going to lie and say my laptop hardshell looks great with the stickers as I stuck them on as I went along so it's all over the place 🤷♂️
-
This one is on me I'm not gonna lie. So makin a simple web timer right. Yknow just polishing JavaScript and I was working on the actual looks of the timer. I made some buttons with CSS and when I spam them it highlights all text on the timer and its posting me off and the "fixes" I've seen and tried havent been working or I havent been doing it right. I just needed to get that out of the way. It's a small not even a huge problem just something that bothers the hell out of me.2
-
I just used a contact form of a local webshop. I couldnt enter my email address because it contains a +.
I contacted them to tell them about this issue and the response was it is because of security reasons. Since when is following specs a security breach? Unless their system is one leak I don't see how its possible.
Am I wrong or did they either lie or have a leak in their system?2 -
..that moment when you stumble over a thrown UnrecoverableBlablaException, but one level up you discover, that it is pretty well recoverable.. a real life "how to make your code less maintainable, rule #489: lie in you type names"1
-
2GB of RAM on my iPhone makes things run smoother than 6GB on my Android.... I used to think more is better... My whole life was a lie8
-
1) communication is the key
2) if you don't understand something, ask
3) people always lie
4) you can always improove
5) if you don't stand up for yourself, noone will
Not so much that coding made me realise this, it's just something that got confirmed once I started working.. -
Read the whole thing here:
https://pastebin.com/ucyc75Qh
This isn't a devrant post really, more like "adjacent to the societal void that all brings us here".
Anyway. This is for you.
"Fraud" or "Addiction"
Lies are like addiction.
We lie to ourselves.
We lie to each other.
Why can't we just be honest.
Why can't we not be honest?;
I don't need it.
I don't need it.
I WANT it.
But I don't want how it makes me feel.6 -
Story : https://devrant.com/rants/7718922
Update:
The first girl goes to Sweden.
The Second girl goes to the UK.
The third girl temporarily moved to Kuwait
I'm not gonna lie, felt so sad when the first one goes5 -
What would you want to tell to your past you ?
Like, the advice that could have helped you a lot if you heard it at the right time5 -
Was pretty ill for a couple of weeks in 7th grade. Decided to not just lie around but also do something interesting ~ started coding, never stopped since 😊
-
When your co-worker ignores all warnings and knowingly breaks production, then tries to lie and say he had no idea what he was doing. He's been here a year and has been told multiple times how to handle production. He also acts like he knows everything (spoiler, he doesn't) and never shuts up.
-
“Oh lie and let us get away with stuff by giving us total control over what you remember so we can bamboozle you and you can look like you’re either weak or complicit“ oh yeah great idea.
Get right on that .
Far as I can tell you people are all permanently crazy because you all do just that
And your balls are gone9 -
The whole time I've been in school they have been telling me I need an amazing portfolio, LinkedIn and GitHub. From what I keep seeing and can tell... is this all a lie?? What do I actually need to get hired?12
-
Gawd today was depressing, we started migrating to teams. I now know that everyone is a liar, everyone has been telling me it’s shit and that’s a blatant lie, it’s utterly shit, it’s an insult to shot to call teams shit.
-
Any 'A Perfect Circle' fans out there? Was wondering if you could recommend some similar acts?
Got this tune stuck in my head resonating deeply:
"Time to put the silicon obsession down
Take a look around
Find a way in the silence
Lie supine away with your back to the ground
Dis- and re-connect to the resonance now
You were never an island"2 -
Take the time to do a little research into the company, then tailor your CV to the company and the position. Don't be afraid to add a little pizzazz, but also don't lie... There's a difference between something that's a little misleading and an outright false claim.
-
Some companies just shouldn't ask the question. Why you want to join our company. When both the recruiter and candidate know how big that lie is
-
When people ask me why I work freelance, I say it's because I can lie about my worth... They think I'm joking...
-
Shit my "Senior" Dev coworker days:
"Well, logically, lies are more important because it takes more effort to remember the lie, who you've told it to, and any extra stuff you made up to keep your story straight. Then, when you have more than one lie, you work even harder to keep them all in line".1 -
Imagining all of the disapproving faces of your relatives while you lie in the storm drain, hearing the wails of the other fallen who neglected to account for the crappy economy, wishing you had just typed in those two words that could have saved you from a life of ineptitude caused by procrastination.
"Hello World."
//Basically imagine the worst possible outcome. Ask your parents for helpful suggestions -
- Never lie, if you get the job and they find out you lied on something you have a problem
- Never say "oh this company is too good it will never accept me with my grades", Usually bigger companies have an assessment center where you can show that you are good for this job
- If they ask you for weaknesses try to pick some that can also be seen as strengths -
So first, I haven't finished my CS degree
Currently working in CS position ( didn't lie... degree was pending told them as such, still hired me)
Currently getting offers from other companies.... Kinda want to transition but scared to get turned away for lack of degree.
Basically completed portion of degree, but have grown disinterested in completing ....
What do you guys think? Still finish?? Or use my current experience to move forward??3 -
Been playing Minecraft for years. I had to watch a video on how to eat cake in Minecraft. I had no clue that you could eat the cake. I always thought that the cake was a lie.
Can someone please make a rap song out of this?3 -
Code doesn't lie, but sometimes you really feel like it is. Just curious, is there anyone here that has ever actually found a bug with a platform?2
-
How is your stand on lying to the stakeholders about the project management.
To give context I worked on a research project for the half a year. Had to report yesterday about what I would do differently if I could start over. I responded truthfully and told that since now I know the caviates of the type of project I did, I would do nearly everything differently. Today I received a feedback from my boss that this was an absolute No Go.
I don't understand now what purpose it would serve to lie towards my stakeholders. Can someone clarify this for me thanks5 -
I'm sad because this stuff really sucks, and I hate when people lie to me about it. It's something I've never thought would happen to anyone - but there's never going to be any other way, I don't want anybody to believe I was tricked by a bunch of sadistic shill guys seeking sexual gratification. I've made some modest little bets - one time I made $100, and I never once received anything back.1
-
So this has happened before, but I think I’m gonna deliver late on this project. I really don’t want to look bad within the first six months of a new job. Someone lie to me and say it’ll all work out. 😭😭4
-
Why do IT Indians tend to lie so much? So many indian freelancer transform into John from USA and work together with a team of highly skilled specialists that studied in the most Elite universities in the world
6 -
Project released to dev environment... None of my changes are in there. Check the TFS check-in history and the check-ins aren't the code I wrote for specific items. Don't know why, or how. My life is a lie.1
-
Occurs to me that their tendency to lie sometimes numbs a person to what might be truth at points, and given they don't mention when my suspicions seem closer to true, I would gather it likely I am undergoing one such example as that right now, where they tried to sabotage me, via my ignorance. Its been awhile. A very long while.16
-
Hey guys I have a NUC and a spare monitor are there "fancy screensavers" that I could modify if needed ? Or should I do one myself haha5
-
I wonder when we'll stop the abuse of naming conventions like name & surname, by this I mean not all cultures have a surname but most of us are ignorant about it and those people when they are presented with an obligation to fulfill that field they cannot do it legally, because they'll lie.
A more open approach with only one field for full text identity would solve this issue.1 -
Every day I’ll open up wordle, but before I enter a guess I’ll google “What is today’s wordle answer?” Then I’ll just enter in the answer to get a 1/6 every time. After that I’ll post my score to twitter and when people accuse me of cheating because I get a 1/6 every day I just lie and say “no I’m really smart that’s how I knew what the word was.”
Is that cheating??9 -
Xcode UI test recording is fucking abysmal. For a simple tutorial "todo" app that I wanted to add a test to, it generated a completely imaginary toolbar selector, a syntactically incomplete eight-line garbage monstrosity instead a button selector, and entirely missed off the last action.
Don't get me wrong, I really like that there is a way to automate UI tests, but the promise of test recording is massive fucking lie.1 -
For every one that thinks that if you use try/catch on everything make your code all errors desapiring you are living a lie!! They still exist now if the users see or not it depends on what you put inside the catch
-
Let's see how many liars are on this site.
what year do you all think it is presently, as you liv e and breathe and walk about, not related to events that have occurred and reoccurred and do so often because of the ridiculous shit system of denial. cruelty and idiocy most sane minds reject and you people lie about for some esoteric reason.12
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