Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuck
Buy Now
-
Jesus, Apple are fucking amazing at design! A keyboard I need to prop up with a book and a mouse I can't use when charging.... Genius!!!!
69 -
When you "fix" a bug not by actually fixing the bug but by disabling the user's ability to cause the bug.
13 -
Dev confession.
Everybody in my department thinks I am a genius programmer.
I am just a better googler who knows how to apply things.13 -
Shared screen with a client over Skype. Showed them in Postman that their API wasn't working as expected. It was expecting a json. Instead it was giving error code 400 instead of 200.
Message :
"Error: No error. All OK"
I'll never forget the words of the client:
"Don't use all this fancy software, you don't know how to call APIs, open Internet Explorer or chrome and paste it in the bar. You'll see All OK, means all is okay."
*insert you dense mf meme here*20 -
I came early today to the office
Found the office locked
Need fingerprint of Project Manager/CTO
With my mouth saying ah.. i blew hot air into the finger print sensor, 5 to 6 times
There u go.office door opened with welcome message
just hacked the system
Genius me14 -
It hurts my brain when people use him as an example of successful drop outs.
For starters, this dude's a literal fucking genius. The average person that considers dropping out is far away from the level of intelligence that Bill had when he dropped out.
average_person != bill_gates
16 -
I've been pulling my hair out trying to figure out why this image wasn't aligning properly until, after 20 minutes, I figured out that it was actually aligned perfectly, my *absolute genius* client just uploaded a picture with a janky white border
12 -
To the MSI genius that decided to put the < and } keys in two completely random and non-standard positions: 🖕🖕🖕🖕
19 -
OMFG! I just figured out the solution for low fps in every gaming console!
I hope this piece of (genius) code get to microsoft/sony!!!
20 -
One of my most favorite quotes:
"UNIX is very simple, it just needs a genius to understand its simplicity."
- Dennis Ritchie2 -
My girlfriend's dad asked me to fix his printer.
I open it up, pulled the cartridge, blowed some air and put it back again.
It worked.
He now thinks I am a genius.20 -
// family tech support
Dad: *clicks something*
Dad: *something strange happens*
Dad: Hey son, come over here. What happened?
Son: Hm.. what did u click?
Dad: I don't know. Aren't you supposed to know that? You're our computer genius.7 -
Whoever at Dell thought it would be a good idea to put the charging port next to the USB port is a genius
22 -
Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"
*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*
Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.
Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
Me: "............"
*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*12 -
What genius had the idea of adding Chromecast support to pornhub? 📺
"Hey, let's make sure horny teenagers can easily or by accident present their interests on the Chromecast enabled family TV!"18 -
Got into my morning bus. Bus starts driving and suddenly stops and starts going backwards.
Everybody looking at each other like what the fuck is happening.
He drives straight back (backwards) to the bus stop to let some more people in!
Everyone laughing.
Fucking genius hahaha.11 -
In case you ever want to hack into a computer with 14 lines of code only. This algorithm is just genius.
27 -
Me : it's my new android app, this app lets you store daily routines and is very fast.
Dad : where's the money?
Friends : so now you will get a job at Google 😱
Girlfriend : install this on my iPhone
Mom : You are genius. Now get the groceries I asked you for.1 -
Me 6 months ago: "This is fucking genius. Beauutiful. Look at that code. See how I did this? Wow, I love it. Fuck I'm good"
Me Now: " What. the. ffuck? Wtf is this? What was I thinking? Goddamn. "
*reduces 3 methods and 37 lines to 2 methods and 8 lines*
Well at least it shows I'm still learning.3 -
"UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity."
-- Dennis Ritchie17 -
So our genius client just posted a photo of our office whiteboard on Facebook with the beta site credentials on it... 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️5
-
Freaking genius dev made a system access password @$$Monk3y1
Had to share that with a vendor...on a conference call5 -
One of the linux engineers gets up with: 'I'm sorry, I just pushed a windows server sale to the sales guy :/'
Linux engineer 1: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE D:
Linux engineer 2: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT @_@
Linux engineer 3: Why the FUCK would we want to manage yet another piece of problems?!
Engineer who said it: 'But it's still a sale guys....'
All engineers: THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE O_o
😆35 -
My boss said something genius today: "understanding client's wishes is like writing a regexp for everything they say"😂5
-
This genius made his very own super-flexible-and-versatile-never-seen-before-mvc-framework, with no documentation about the code, instead of just donwloading and implementing a popular one.
He left the company.
I maintain it.
Fell my pain.18 -
On a non Dev job the warehouse was locked by a digital keypad with a number lock.
The boss of the company was 2 months late on payment of the warehouse chief.
The chief changed the key combo to the amount of money they were behind on payment and stick a note to it "karma is a bitch, I'll come open it when you pay. p.s I quit"1 -
So Facebook announced a New Feature which lets you upload nudes which get hashed and on a Blacklist so they can't be uploaded to facebook. And in Order to prevent abuse, a human Reviews the pictures. Genius idea20
-
Saw a video of an interview on Cloud Computing...
That genius guy says: "Cloud computing is highly risky. Because if it rains, all the data will be lost."4 -
Don't develop depression, develop a personality instead, be more outgoing and outspoken, work out, dress better and make your life shit that goes beyond coding.
Tired of people in tech being this way. Everyone acts as if monkeying away on the keyboard makes them some sort of autistic genius that is too good for everyone else.
Some of you have the social skillset of a fucking potato.
You code dude. Most of you develop websites...chill the fuck out.52 -
Some genius at apple:
I know, let's have a wireless mouse and when something goes wrong with the boot loader let's put a button there to restart the machine but not select it, also don't load the drivers for the wireless mouse so the user has to plug in a wired mouse to click the button
Me: what an absolute donkey dick of an OS. I will replace you with rasbrian...
13 -
Late night programming with pops.
This man has taught me most of what I know and I have a terrific amount of respect and debt for him, and his work.
Here's to a lot more years cranking that genius brain of his! 🥂
12 -
Sometimes looking back at your code for documentation reasons and you really ask yourself "wow, did I make this? this is fucking genius"4
-
> Open Quora
> Read highly upvoted answer that in essence says "ping - t localhost to make internet speed faster by 'sucking the wifi'"
> Realize that senior at office has upvoted it
> Jump out of the window2 -
She: I have a problem with my android phone, I can't take screenshots since yesterday.
Me: Ehm... did you try to turn it off and on again?
She: no.. let me try.
...5 minutes later...
She: You're a genius!!!
Me: I know. 😏😎2 -
I seriously love Devrant. I think I have been missing this for all my life! seriously. who ever wrote this is a genius. I love this.8
-
I was talking to a few young developers at a Uni today and asked them what areas they worked in/were interested in.
Everyone: (tells their work/ interest)
Mr. Genius : Backend developer.
Me: (Being a Backend developer myself felt interested) Which language do you code in?
Mr. Genius : Firebase
Never have I ever wanted to murder someone until this moment.2 -
CTO: I'm a programmer now *smug* (I'm just like you guys, but paid much better)
Tech leads:???
CTO: I coded python hello world this weekend (I'm a multi talented genius)19 -
That moment that the need for a certain service rises and the domain name you want isn't available so you randomly think of another genius one which you can also do a fun 'joke' with and you start building an api around that idea.
This is gonna be fun 😆6 -
Average linux developer: writes completely fast, optimized code that compiles the first time all via the terminal. He doesn't care.
Also average linux developer: decides to call it Winblows instead of Windows in an attempt to get more people to use linux. He feels like a genius.25 -
if you are tired, so fucking tired you are not fast enough to double tap a rant.
tap.... *rant opens* fuck! back..
tap... tap *rant opens* *rant opens* what the... back back
tap..tap oh cmon! Not again! back back
tap..tap *++ turns red*
Whohooo im a fucking genius!1 -
Looking at code you wrote a long time ago and you can't figure out parts of it...leaves you like:" Damn I was a genius"1
-
The support staff at the Apple stores are called "geniuses". If being able to factory reset an iPhone is called being a genius then call me Einstein for being able to write code.5
-
Who all are genius hear ???
Share you !best experiences in comments
(if you understood and have any lol😂😂😂😜😜)
#LinuxLove
11 -
Fucking genius firefox!
Somehow an ad created a new window with a popup that can't be closed. Thanks to firefox's single process, I had to close all my tabs.
Now after closing the firefox with task manager, when I open it again, it opens all the tabs that were closed, including that ad. HAHA, fucking awesome.5 -
!Rant
Yassss 🙌🏼 I'm dying. Your dog 🐶😂🤣
"Get your devRant custom cartoon avatar on stickers! We can now print glossy sticky-back 1.75" (4.5cm) circles of your personalized avatar to place on your laptop, your refrigerator, your dog, wherever!"
@dfox genius
1 -
A true genius:
try to set up key authentication on my pi
reload OpenSSH while 2000km away from it13 -
Today I was wandering through the code of the project I work on. The project is on JS, turns out someone named an object key `undefined`. They had the wonderful idea since they didn't want to pass a key through on the side where the info stored in the object is used(or at least that's what I assume).
Look at the image. (not the actual implementation but you get it and it actually works if you want to try it)
👏🏼 I don't know who did it and I rather not git blame it, but pray to the 7 gods you never do something like that again while I'm around or you are going to be in need of prosthetic fingers to code again motherfucker.
16 -
!dev
Honestly I love the summer (hate the cold) but motherfucker, hyperhidrosis is a fucking bitch (not diagnosed but one doesn't need to be a genius to figure this one out in my case)
😥11 -
My friend after he watched some of the shows I recommend him(silicon valley, Mr robot, etc)
"You're like an encapsulation of all the things wrong with the characters, without the genius"2 -
How to look like a wizard by doing pretty much nothing.
Open inspect element infront of people who cant program, and do something. They'll think you're a genius for changing a picture.9 -
I just found this code snippet on Stackoverflow that decodes polylines from Google Maps.
I even doubt the genius who wrote it understands what it does.
Anyway,as long as it works am good.
4 -
Pointers in C. You love'em or you hate'em. A lot of room to shoot ourselves in the foot or hang ourselves. Or doing both because someone thought it would be genius to tie the guns to the rope.2
-
In india
Teachers teach students to code, without any field experience
These students learns things tht they dont need in their life and becomes teachers
The cycle continues...
From my genius analysis, we can see that these students need not go to a company to work like a horse,
Why are we in a company working like a horse?14 -
I bought flowers for my date. Online.
When I registered, the website send me via email my 30 character long password.
😥
So I try "forgot password". The genius website sent me, guess what, my 30 character long password...
For fuck sakes!!!! You had one job.... Hash the fucking password!!!!
I'm afraid these people will probably get hacked soon (murphy law).
Sha256.. Guys please...12 -
iOS 11 you buggy piece of shit!
Layouts breaking all around, can’t figure out if it’s in landscape or portrait mode, lock menu disapearing, minimizing apps breaks them...
Oooh, you invented a GENIUS NEW option to turn mobile data on from launch control, but WiFi and Bluetooth buttons don’t turn these off, but disconnect from current network... WHOSE SMART ASS IDEA WAS THAT? BURN IN UX HELL ASSHOLE!
Haven’t seen a worse update since Vista...6 -
Fucking Edge. I fixed a "bug" and now the bug-pointer tells me a line with only a comment causes a problem. Yea. Genius browser.
It's an "UNKNOWN" error btw, great debugging!
11 -
This was found when one of my teams old workstations was being pulled apart. Can't tell if genius or lazy.
15 -
Back in College, I knew guys who when asked for Github profiles for an interview, signed up for Github and submitted their profile links.
Genius!
#BackInCollegeSeries -
That moment when you shout "i'm a fucking genius" too loud when you find out the solution after 2 hours of brain fuck, and your colleagues think you're crazy2
-
Taking IT classes in college. The school bought us all lynda and office365 accounts but we can't use them because the classroom's network has been severed from the Active Directory server that holds our credentials. Because "hackers." (The non-IT classrooms don't have this problem, but they also don't need lynda accounts. What gives?)
So, I got bored, and irritated, so I decided to see just how secure the classroom really was.
It wasn't.
So I created a text file with the following rant and put it on the desktop of the "locked" admin account. Cheers. :)
1. don't make a show of "beefing up security" because that only makes people curious.
I'm referring of course to isolating the network. This wouldn't be a problem except:
2. don't restrict the good guys. only the bad guys.
I can't access resources for THIS CLASS that I use in THIS CLASS. That's a hassle.
It also gives me legitimate motivation to try to break your security.
3. don't secure it if you don't care. that is ALSO a hassle.
I know you don't care because you left secure boot off, no BIOS password, and nothing
stopping someone from using a different OS with fewer restrictions, or USB tethering,
or some sort malware, probably, in addition to security practices that are
wildly inconsistent, which leads me to the final and largest grievance:
4. don't give admin priveledges to an account without a password.
seriously. why would you do this? I don't understand.
you at least bothered to secure the accounts that don't even matter,
albeit with weak and publicly known passwords (that are the same on all machines),
but then you went and left the LEAST secure account with the MOST priveledges?
I could understand if it were just a single-user machine. Auto login as admin.
Lots of people do that and have a reason for it. But... no. I just... why?
anyway, don't worry, all I did was install python so I could play with scripting
during class. if that bothers you, trust me, you have much bigger problems.
I mean you no malice. just trying to help.
For real. Don't kick me out of school for being helpful. That would be unproductive.
Plus, maybe I'd be a good candidate for your cybersec track. haven't decided yet.
-- a guy who isn't very good at this and didn't have to be
have a nice day <3
oh, and I fixed the clock. you're welcome.2 -
now im fixing my pc because im such a genius and resize / partition and then it crashed and yayyy not working pc so need to reinstall entire arch linux but noo i need to give my friend usb with it and now need to boot a fucking ubuntu create arch usb and then reinstall entire arch fuckkkkkk
-
A kid I work with referred to himself as a former child genius.
A few hours later and I’m still cringing4 -
I'm partially color deficient, which means I can differentiate most colors, except when there is a low contrast between them.
The genius freshers in my company (well, they joined at the same time as I did, but I still call them freshers because they never goddamn improved since they joined). Anyway, these freshers thought it'd be a great idea to take design decisions upon themselves and chose the shittiest colors ever for designing a complicated interface with the most horrifying color palette you'd have ever seen.
Everytime I'm asked to debug this page, I have nightmares as they explain things to me in terms of colors :/4 -
We all have that one friend who says that he is a computer genius because he built his PC himself but then he doesn't know the difference between bits and bytes.11
-
Me: ugh I’m so dumb, I’m never gonna build an OS
Me 2 seconds later (reading from QEMU): “Hello, World”!!! Yes, I’m a genius, now to install it on my friends smart watch!1 -
Best advice a dev gave me?
To not think I know everything. I used to think that because I could do a little code I was a genius ready to be a senior, boy was I wrong. Since then I have learned an enormous amount and still have more to learn. -
Imagine posting something about nvm (node version manager) and then quitting via nvm figured out thingy
Imagine proposing an actual `nvm figured out` command to nvm team and then it’s implemented so you can legitimately post “nvm figured out” as a solution
2 -
"We live in a generation where "deleting history" is more important than "creating history" - quoted by true genius prowess of life. M'lord "sam9669"1
-
Some genius at Google Chrome team just fucked up the minimise, close buttons of the application in KDE.
Thank man, just what I needed.6 -
Biggest challenge as a dev was breaking away from the mindset that I was some brilliant, genius programmer and accepting that I like most people knew nothing. And that there was something I could learn from everyone, including my juniors.3
-
That moment when you know you thought you where genius, but after a month you revisit your code and have to ask what the hell was I thinking.
1 -
When i started ocaml. Now most languages use
import lib;
But not ocaml. No, it uses
open lib;
So i had the genius idea of writing my own lib and submitting my program as
open Bob;
let () =
show "vegana";;3 -
What kind of genius pulls the power cable of the main server through the PSU lever of an old useless server?
I had to pull out the PSU and let it hang on the powercord just to be able to pull the old ugly bastard out... fucking genius, really!
Now I have to wait until the evening to shut down the main server and remove the hangman PSU.
I just really fucking hope and pray that restarting the main server will not cause errors. It has been on for 2 years and never been updated since then.5 -
I just came back from a meeting to a project that integrates some companies to achieve the project goals.
There was this "computer/data scientist" (his words) that every time he talked I just wanted to punch him in the throat.
Look, I'm not saying he isn't good or anything. He can be a fucking genius, I don't care.
But he talks as if he is the smartest person on the room, fucking annoying.2 -
I'm the best.
I started a project and 12 hours of work and 16 commits later I decide to reorganize the entire project focusing on security and user experience.
I'm a genius.2 -
Step 1: create genius-level Excel spreadsheet
Step 2: wait 7-10 days
Step 3: realise you're an idiot for not documenting what all your genius code does so it will take just as long to unpick it as to start from scratch
Step 4: complain on devrant even though it's your own fault
:( -
Translation:
"Artificial intelligence for homework?
I want to program a artificial intelligence that can do my homework. I can sell it then. As language I would like to use either batch or HTML. Does anyone know good tutorials?"
This is hilarious!
5 -
*explains the importance of official docs*
*moments later, the intern pointing at his screen to a crappy YouTube tutorial video*
Intern: How did he figure all this stuff out? He must be a genius.1 -
Gosh ! I'm a genius !
- Working on a Sysadmin school project
- configuring the firewall
- looking myself out
- beg my teacher for reinstall
Fml right now ...6 -
I think I just blew my own mind here.
Look at this:
Class SomeClass
{
_call($functionName, $arguments)
{
return call_user_func(array('SomeClass','uselessMethod'), 'method');
}
method($foo)
{
return new Adapter($foo)->execute($this);
}
uselessMethod()
{
return $this->method(__FUNCTION__);
}
}
so __FUNCTION__ resolves to
Caller:
You can run that code, whether you comment out uselessMethod, or not.
Adapter is a function that looks for what class to call depending on a database value
and execute the call.
So api basically uses a chain call to do stuff like this in controllers, here's how
I call the above:
$someObject = (new Class($object))->uselessMethod()->doSomething()->doSomethingElse();
But like, eventually my code matured to where all those methods in the chain call have the same one line return that calls my adapter to find the logic to run.
So, basically, I can now have a class with headless function calls that calls a directory of other classes, that are all defined in a contract somewhere. So as long as those classes
all adhere to the contract, it will never return an error.
I can't think of any reason to do this, other than my setup, and I have a sneaky feeling,
as dirty as this trick is, that there's a bad reason my code has come to being able to do this.
Maybe wrong strategy pattern from the beginning?
I'm sure it'll come to me like 3 days from now..3 -
I Googled "png to svg converter", this is the output of the first online tool I tried.
This dev literally just a base64 encoded copy of my origin image wrapped in an svg... the most infuriating thing about it is that technically it did 'convert' it to svg - just not in the way I had anticipated.
Whoever wrote this is a lazy genius (and a dickhead).
8 -
I don't think it's to complicated...
Dumb clients, no matter who they are if they want you to fix their computer ... Create a new Twitter , hack, when you don't hack.
They make our lives hell .. why ? Because ignorance.
My favourite is when they expect you to work for nothing.oh but you can have 2% it's a billion dollar idea you'll make like 20 mill!😒🙄 All I'll do is sit here since i was the genius if the idea you work out the details ? 400 hours you say? I'm sure it'll take 20 don't be silly now.1 -
New AD account.
cannot login.
Want to create a ticket.
Need a login to create ticket.
*genius*
Go to coworkers machine.
Open ticket there.
They respond, the user must create the ticket himself.
Ffs!1 -
When some one at the company decides to branch off from the main codebase and end up with several outdated and separetely modified branches for two years.
Yeah nice work genius and good luck with resolving over 250 files of merge conflicts.
Just kill me now 😭1 -
Employers and clients think developers come up with genius solutions while in offices, hell no!
Most of the genius solutions come when a Dev is showering, gaming, peeing, pooping etc. So don't fire me cause I am playing Dota 2 on my laptop. Am innovating bit*h7 -
Today it happened. I saw a real hacker. It was so awesome, he knew how to open up a special menu in his browser that showed some weird text that only a computer genius can read. And when he edited the text he managed to hack the look of the website! He was only 13 years old. 😮
-
This site is fucking genius :
https://linux.pictures
Want to see more? There's a git with all the graphics :
https://github.com/jstpcs/lnxpcs7 -
During testing, I was confused why my changes are not reflecting and then I remembered, I haven't deployed them yet.
Yes. Genius. I bet the women at the sperm bank are fighting over my superior genes.5 -
Place: Microsoft, Visual Studio department
Boss: we need to make beautiful changes, and make the development process more simple and beautiful.
Employee 1: let's arrange error messages to be more readable.
Boss: no, I don't need any details of error, just say there is an error.
Employee: But..
Boss: This is genius, do it now.
Me: 😭
2 -
Why does MySql least and greatest functions return null if any of the arguments are null? Who was the genius behind the idea that it's the best way to implement it, and to change this behavior in a minor version?
Why does MySql return bigint when i convert a value to integer?
Why does MySql exist?17 -
So apparently the CIA signed some of their malware with a kaspersky certificate to not get caught...
I think this kind of a genius thing from a hackers pov, but very very scary... Gotta remove that thwate ca 😁😁 (they singed the fake kaspersky certificate for the CIA)
Source (in German, I'll add one in English as soon as I fond one): https://m.heise.de/newsticker/...6 -
When you think the code from companies like Google and Facebook is flawless, but then you look at the source code of Parse 1.5.0 and find an if statement with the condition 'browser' === 'browser'
2 -
!rant
Can I just say that the devducks in the store are a genius freakin' idea? I'm definitely going to pick one up once I get some cash (which is never).
But seriously, those are really cool. And I want one. -
Instagram returns 404 when profile is not found and no user is logged in but returns 200 for the same url when any user is logged in. WTF!
Took me so long to debug this shit2 -
Onthisday in 1912, brilliant Codebreaker, genius computer scientist, Alan Turing was born.
As we remember his remarkable life, and tragic death. -
Today was very good day for me:
one of my friend said he is going to buy new phone as his older phone is unrepairable (Android failed to boot). I took the phone installed twrp - unlocked bootloader and then flashed cynogen os and boom! android booted up.
Now they think me as a genius and says i wrote that Android OS, i tried saying its just a hack due to open source but they still think me as a HACKER! :)6 -
My code works at first run.
This can't be right.
Something must have gone terribly wrong.
I don't trust you computer!
-
Just now I was texting with my little sister, telling her how I'm doing, about that Foobar email etc... My sister replies: "Um.. foobar? Isn't that that place where you get your broken devices repaired?"
… It took me much longer than I'd like to admit to realize what bar she was referring to... Genius! XD6 -
Was writing a functional test in AdonisJS that queries an API endpoint with data and my test stays red with a dainty `expected 500 to equal 200` assertion failure.
In frustration, I yelled "What must I fuchen do to get my 500 to become a 200". Then my dev friend, an absolute fuchen genius tells me, "Subtract 300." I hope the prat stays debugging his code for a week!!
8 -
I've been thinking of a script that when my work colleague writes "warm regards" at the end of an important email to clients, it adds "luke" to the front of it. Thoughts?2
-
PM: you've gotta meet up with (DEV) for an answer. He's a genius.
Me: <looks at script> UUOC. Your hero's a dipshit. -
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.1
-
some genius modafaka thought REPLACING python3.6 by 3.7 in all the dev machines is gonna be fine... the whole team is going nuts... fuck you IT... who gave you the permission5
-
I have to use the worst CMS in the world.
But here’s the kicker - it’s our intranet and it’s hosted externally.
Some genius thought that was a good idea.
3 -
Pro tip. How to cut down on those pesky support emails? Break the only email link in your app I can find.
Genius.
3 -
Best thing to be a dev
You create your own tools, problem solving skills that we learn and the best thing that non-tech people treat you as a genius5 -
All this time I thought that solving a Rubik's cube required some sort of genius level intellect. Turns out you just have to memorize a few simple algorithms like cheat codes : up, down, down, front etc.
(I'm not talking about speed cubing which does require a lot of practice)6 -
I enjoy helping people but jez, just learn to read. Why do I need to explain to 15 people what to do, when there's a document with simple instructions to follow ?
How the fuck do you think I do ? I am not a genius, you are just dumb3 -
A few months back, my Dad's friend (mother of a 10th grade student) asked me for help on her daughter video editing school assignment because I study 'computers'.
Me on the outside: 'I am sorry, I wouldn't be of much help here as I have zero experience with video editing'
Me on the inside: 'I am sorry, I design and develop software. I am not an all-knowing genius that knows everything even remotely connected to computers.'1 -
Someone in LinkedIn: "Hey let's do this goofy things and we will be promoted on devRant for *free*!"
PM: "You are a genius!"
😂😂
4 -
In my second year of A levels in secondary school (college) we had to make a quiz game using Microsoft Visual Basic. Was my first time using the software, got annoyed within a few weeks and downloaded a template off the internet. The whole IT department thought I was some form of genius until I crashed the servers (in over 200 schools) trying to hack them 6 weeks later.
Sir if you're reading this, I'm sorry.1 -
>Friends computer starts to "freeze"
>They say im a computer genius and that i can fix it
>All i had to do was click on the screen once
I need more coding buddies. -
When your project partner is an absolute coding genius.
But writes spaghetti code with methods named function1, function2, ... function20.
How the fk am I supposed to read that code?!?!?!
But I’ll give him credit, the program is works and is amazing. It’s just not possible for anybody other than him to understand.7 -
Who is that genius at Microsoft thought about that if adding a new email to outlook on Android and credentials are wrong, CLOSE THE WINDOW AND GO BACK TO SETTINGS!!
Error message says wrong username/password then let me fucking fix them not go back and enter everything from scratch (outgoing, incoming servers, username, password)
Fuck this shit -_- -
Genius UI design: the text next to latest news changes between 2 and 3 lines, and every time that happens the entire website gets pushed up and down. I thought my touchpad was going crazy for doing phantom scrolls, but no, it’s that same incompetent designer from my previous rant.
-
I just hate it when a classmate just waits for you to do the work first so that they can copy it.
This recent project we had was a pretty good example. Most of them didn't know what to do while I on the other hand actually READ the documents for the technology we were using so it gave me sort of a head start. They eventually asked me to do one part of their work first so that they can copy off of what I did and I mean EVERYTHING. A pure copy paste of my code while only changing the variable names. Genius1 -
I like the idea of having one hour interval between rant posting for letting more exposure for each rant.
It's a fucking brilliant idea.
@dfox chappeau my Genius.
thanks.10 -
My best co-worker and teamplayer in games. Unlike like his stupid wireless brother, this buddy is cheap, super-efficient and literally a Genius with capital G.
1 -
I hate all the idiots who mark completely wrong answers on SO as the accepted best answer. THE ANSWER IS WRONG GENIUS!!1
-
I am a college student that's pursuing a degree in Computer Science. Once one of my classmates said that she had a 3 GB pen drive. I was curious as I'd never heard of any company making pen drives in that capacity. I asked her to show it to me, she showed it to me and pointed out the words "USB 3.0".
The same woman once copied the icon of Turbo C++ for an assignment submission.2 -
TIL that you can plug a mouse and keyboard into a Samsung phone and use it to interact with it like you would your finger. Now before you say this is such a useless feature, because of this, I was able to recover my backup from my screen shattered phone (really fucked it up so touch quit working) , and transfer it to another phone in a matter of minutes. To whoever thought of this, thank you so much :).1
-
When Google Engineers Made a Speech Synthesis Program, they hadn't figured out a name until:
"What should we name our advanced speech synthesis program"
"Hey bob what are going to order for lunch today"
"Tacos."
"What was that weird movie with the laser bikes that make light walls"
"Tron."
"Bob you're a genius" -
When you're in the zone, writing your genius down before you forget it, and you smartwatch reminds you to go stand and move around. 😑
-
I work with a guy who is genius in his field, but doesn't have much ability outside of it, his view is we should all know what he knows and not bother him with bugs in his code we should fix the issues ourselves. Oh how the shoe was on the other foot when he needed help with a personal app.4
-
Playing around with a scratch-like "language"
Until I bought that book "make your own neural network" and now they think I'm genius xD -
Docker with nginx-proxy and nginx-proxy-le (Lets Encrypt) is fucking awesome!
I only have to specify environment variables with email and host name when starting new containers with web servers, and the proxy containers will automatically make a proxy to the new container, and generate lets encrypt ssl certificates. I don’t have to lift a fucking finger, it is so ducking genius2 -
His long do you think it will take for Google to come up with a true replacement for Java. A replacement, not an alternative like Kotlin, but a complete "go f**k yourself, Larry" replacement that anyone can port their Java app over to. On January 1, if you are a for profit, Larry had said if you want to update to the next version and use Java SE to code with, you need a support license. It's a brill move, because Java is everywhere, and at least for a little while, it will generate a respectable profit for Oracle. But I'm sure Google is working on something to stick it to Larry. Wonder if EU competition chief Vestager will threaten am investigation. This should be fun to watch.19
-
Reinstalled my Mac using recovery mode.
Enabled FileVault through the setup.
Installed Bootcamp.
Now I can't log in to my Mac :/
Screamed like hell :|
Scratched my head for three hours.
Realized that the genius who invented FileVault imagined that no one would ever use bootcamp assistant and FileVault in the same time, cuz when you're encrypting the disk you won't be able to partition it.
I just got one question...
Why the fuu$@("/)@" didn't Apple mentioned that anywhere😐
Was it that much obvious?! :/4 -
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
This is good to remember this one once in a while...3 -
This afternoon, I was sitting in on a class, not really paying attention to what the teacher was saying, when all of a sudden out of nowhere the teacher shoots me with the question what is "1260 divided by 30?" Thakfully I was messing with my python interpreter, so I just typed in 1260/30 yelled, (as if I knew the answer) "42!"
Genius.5 -
Java Vs. C++
Ok, so I know a bit of Java, still lots to learn but isn't there always! My question to all you poly-linguist programmers is; once you know the basics of OOP are there any obvious hurdles in learning new languages? For instance - do you sometimes accidentally use some Java in C++? Would you all advise to stick to one language and learn it to genius level or does it make you a better programmer to understand a multitude of languages?
<Learning Rant>
10 -
Don't feel like a genius high school student anymore :(
23 in math isn't going to get me into the best programming course.
:( Goodbye CMU aspirations
8 -
Do you have to be a math genius to program?
I myself hate math but have been programming for a hobby in about 3 years now.
I keep hearing that you have to know a lot of math to program even though i usually only use basic math when i do.9 -
Refactoring/cleaning old code.. Found this gem:
$hour = substr($obj->hour, 0, - 3);
Turns out, hour was saved in the database as a TIME field(DATE was saved in another column) , and the previous genius dev was trying to output time in a H:i format...
No wonder php has such a bad reputation...2 -
pure genius! Ubuntu's firmware-xx-installer installation package for legacy network adapters doesn't install diddly. it *downloads* the firmware for you.
because yeah, people installing network adapter firmware obviously are doing it because they have a working network connection and what they really need help with is downloading the file 9_9
another 30min down the hole finding the actual firmware and the cutter tool for it1 -
“Everyone is busy building stuff for right now, today, rarely for tomorrow. But it would be nice to also have stuff that lasts a little longer than that.... You don’t have to be a genius to write fast programs. There’s no magic trick. The only thing required is not building on top of a huge pile of crap that modern toolchain is.”
—Nikita Prokopov, “Software disenchantment”, retrieved from http://tonsky.me/blog/...5 -
I am my teams goto guy for anything and everything. For any problem they face technically.
They think I am some kind of genius. But in reality I just Google. :/ I don't know most of the things they ask!
The saving grace is that, whenever I try to solve anything, the pieces of the puzzle quickly fall into their places in my head.
Now the impostor syndrome is kicking in hard!1 -
!@#GDSGA!Q@#@
In my absolute lack of genius, I just lost way too much time finally realizing that in C# linq-to-objects removes duplicates when you use Union().
At one point I knew this, but I forgot about it because I never want duplicates, slowly forgetting what Union() was doing.
*This time* however, the duplicates are required and it all goes to crap without them.
Save me, Concat()!
You can run but you can't hide from noobery.
Blahb;asdfabnahsdfa.3 -
I was helping a friend with her computer when an alert from the antivirus tells me there is a virus in the computer. I tried to delete it and the computer shows this alert (the translation would be something like: The action couldn't be performed as the file is a virus).
FUCKING WINDOWS I KNOW ITS A VIRUS SO LET ME DELETE IT. 😩😩
1 -
Could access every website but github.com “all of a sudden”...exp stopped working npm was broken...macs are so stupid then.....
I dumbed....it was all my fault. </duh>
Yesterday I blocked my kids’ access to the internet .. and just blocked the IP4 access of my mac. What a genius. It appears github (and not other sites) requires IP4 whereas most now use IP6. -
So I've always had an inflated opinion of my technical abilities. That is until I started working under this genius senior developer for the last 2 years. He's kept my feet on the ground and reduced my head to a normal size so much. Tomorrow is his last day. Googling *dealing with god complex* right now.1
-
I've spent some days converting paddings on wrappers into margins for it's children, because our lead designer was a pure genius 🙋♂️🤦♂️1
-
I don't know how those guy know angular 2 and react.js and know 3 different kind of build tool - grunt, gulp and webpack 2 in the same time. I'm struggle to understand redux. Many young genius coder lowered my self-esteem.3
-
Just finished watching 2 episodes of the Bill Gates Netflix doc.... Wondering if maybe I should change my username... Nowhere near the genius and hard worker he seems to be...11
-
Me: Who wrote this fu$$in mess of code? Never mind, we will get the dirty hacker.
*Runs git blame*
*Silence*
Me: What a innovative way to solve the problem! I'm a genius! -
I'm really just a bunch of if/else loops that somehow do something interesting. It's just that it can't really be understood as the programs that make up "me" are being created and destroyed constantly, according to their ability to accurately represent a sentient being, without all having to be created by a genius developer by hand..
https://youtube.com/watch/...
https://youtube.com/watch/...7 -
One of professors has an interesting philosophy in regards to how software is planned. He makes us forget that we dealing with a computer and has us write instructions as if we are teaching a human (no optimization, binary, or unnecessary numeral variables). Then we change it into code, then we optimize it. Every time. It freaks me out, but it gets us thinking. Not sure. If that is genius or insanity.1
-
Someone just explain me why. I really can't figure other reason that beeing too lazy to think a condition while writing a "while loop".
At university, a colleague asked me what i think of his code. I see something like that:
while ( 1 ){
...
if (condition)
break;
...
}
Am I a fucking genius thinking that just moving condition into while will improve readability, or am i a fucking stupid ? Really not the first time seeing this, maybe i am missing something.4 -
If all programming languages but one got deprecated, that one should be Rust. Honestly, whoever designed it is a fucking genius.15
-
Does someone else have that too?
Sometimes at night when I'm creating something new (or adding to something) and I get into that zone when stuff suddenly works better than expected or when the thing I'm making is just awesome, I feel a need to turn on "evil" music, such as music with deep voiced male choirs, the soundtrack of Portal 2, some classic music like those evol geniuses in movies or comparable.
It just makes me feel like I'm gonna destroy the planet once my evil creation is done. -
I got triggered by a friend who was quite the genius... He told me I couldn't, took a few years and now I can :)3
-
So another infamous code (or smart code) you decide, there's class 'error' in the template/html and here this genius is removing it and adding it back? is this even logical at any level,
I mean just hide() and show() would do the job
6 -
When you’re out of town for the night and you left your MacBook at home on your desk... what a genius I am.1
-
I hope I'm doing it wrong and there is actually a way to tell who the sender is, like an Id? But fuck no Apple finds it using tags with numbers a fucking genius idea!
Again, I hope I'm wrong and we can actually do something like: sender.id = txtName.id ...
10 -
When you have assigned stories that are blocked by other dependencies being developed in the same Sprint... Oh boy, someone is not going to finish on time u.u
-
If you could remember that I'm not your staff anymore and stop assigning me to projects. That'd be fucking swell.
I'm meant to be infrastructure now so fuck off. Oh a devs leaving let's hand the project to the infrastructure guy who's fucking leaving also!!
Fucking genius. I'm so close to just to saying fucking swivel and walking out. Fuck the notice period. -
Had a little fight with my elder cousin, and he said just because I can Code , does not mean I know everything( made me feel like I'm a genius 😄 ')
We weren't even fighting about coding or related to it...
Then where the hell did that come from !? -
Got the genius idea of multiplayer tic tac toe just before spring break. One week later, back in school and I have multiplayer tic tac toe written in Java. The only way that the school can block it is by blocking the port, but then I'll just change it until there are no more lol
give me suggestions on what to make next, this is fun3 -
"This thing you wrote to read text files isn't working and I don't have time to figure out so why don't you come fix it."
Well, no shit it isn't working. Your genius ass decided not to include the extension on the path... Something you would have realized had you taken the 15 seconds needed to read the error message. The fuck were you thinking?2 -
that moment when you're helping the tech illiterate discover that their supposedly lost pictures are stored in the app called "gallery" and she compliments your genius.
Smirk on my face for helping the elderly.1 -
It's bad enough that Facebook videos in my country have ads but some cunt actually had the genius idea to make the tagline for their ad "Un-skippable quality"
Not sure I can even be mad at how trolly that is 😭😂3 -
Serious question, which language would Iron man rather code in? The billionare genius may have too little time to write his whole infrastructure in C/C++. My bet is on Python since it provide every feature a super hero, who has lots to do might need16
-
Open a new to do list
Start listing
Go into too much details
Much more details
Sleep at a very late time
Wake up with another genius idea
Repeat -
When you can't use the internet cause the Australian government thinks good internet is only for video games. Meanwhile at the genius labs of Microsoft insist on putting a "standby mode" as the default off state on my housemates Xbox One, that allows full speed downloads while "off". Then top it off with another housemate who thinks she knows computers (after getting me to upgrade hers) saying that she isn't making the internet lag while running Windows 10 with auto-updates enabled, while simultaneously uploading to Facebook on our epic 500kb/s upload speed.
-
This is the most crazy, ugly, beautiful, stupid, and genius thing I’ve seen all year:
https://chasewilson.dev/blog/...4 -
When you try to make a customer support ticket on a website and it redirects you to a page that says "site is under construction" after you submit a well-composed form that took considerable time to write up:
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
That's fucking genius. Someone give them a Nobel prize. >.> -
How I get screenshots in an email from the guy I work with.
First, get a screenshot of the issue. Next, print it. Then, upload the printed screenshot as a PDF. Finally, compose email and attach the uploaded PDF.2 -
Im bout to start my freshmen year of college and I need money right. Then it hits me. FUCK IM A PROGRAMMER I CAN JUST MAKE SOMETHING! im retarded and genius at the same time.9
-
Python list and dictionary comprehension is some crazy awesome black magic. More languages should have these.5
-
The database dude: yeah it gets saved as a string.
*me sets up preg_match for a string*
Database 'guru': we tried entering the data in the form and we are getting an error. Fix it!
Turns out it's being saved by id.
Data wizards my ass -
I FIGURED IT OUT! PAYPAL EXPRESS CHECKOUT NOW RESIDES UNDER BY REIGN. HAIL ME I'M A FUCKING GENIUS FUCK YE I LOVE PAYPAL HELL THE FUCK YEAH! fuck carrots though
-
Love this kind of humor, coworkers output into a log on errors begins with "Found Unidentified Critical Keyerror". Took a while before I noticed the genius message in this error! My colleague deserves a cookie!1
-
Am doing an online shop for some client as a side project. The client never requested a module enabling an admin user to manipulate listed products. Now this cheap genius wants to be able to login as a seller and manipulate whatever products they've listed. So I told the client it's not possible to do that because passwords are stored as hashes. Now, can you Guess who's storing clear text passwords ?
May shit never hits the fan.3 -
Trying to figure out Material Custom Themes. Goddamn who ever came up with this was either a genius or a donkey. I cannot get a grasp of it. I need a custom palette import this in a custom theme and then make sure this theme is included in my Angular installation.
Why god why?2 -
When my parents come into my rooms I usually open hackertyper.com and start typing. They think I am a genius of informatics, while I just use pc for gaming and porn.
-
Far from helping but when I was in high school I would write shell scripts for her mac that would wait for hours and then say stuff like "Attention virus detected" over tts.
I would do the same thing in Apple stores and the geniuses couldn't figure it out. Shocker I know. -
New to working with git in a large scale application. I've used it in personal things, but not at an enterprise scale.
"genius" me: git pull origin {{dev branch name}}
"genius" me: why won't any of these tests work?
"genius" me: spends 2 hours working on fixing some tests
actual genius that I work with: Dude, revert that shit and pull from master, the tests will work. Don't pull from {{dev branch name}} because you have no idead what might be there.
This makes sense. Things are started and abandoned in favor of new priorities all the time. At least my PM is pretty cool and didn't freak out that I wasted that couple of hours like at a previous position.
Also, git is far superior to mstfs. Very smooth and easy to use once you get the hang of it.5 -
Worst part about being a developer?
Coding the apex-maximum-feelsgood-climax of your code, feeling like a genius and then your mom calls you to dinner and you feel like you've lost trillions of geniusly made ideas that could save the world from aids while eating your pasta.. yeah, that's the worst part. -
"Oh so you're a computer genius. Can you unlock my phone? It's locked into some random network. The phone is Android and it's Samsung"2
-
Got reminded of this a bit ago.
When I was in high school years ago, there was some bug with youtube not working on chrome. The source of that bug was identified by a guy a grade above me, who not only reported that, but also how to fix it.
Naturally, google was like "holy shit, we gotta get this guy" and offered him a full ride scholarship and a guaranteed job when he got out.
He now works at a comic shop with no plans of using that scholarship.7 -
I've been trying to push good practices at work, which includes migrating testing environment to vagrant.
Been trying to push it forward for months, and this week, a "genius"co-worker just started complaining we shouldn't overcomplicate and just provision a vm for testing for everyone to use, and boss agrees immediately!
Guess who'll have to maintain it whenever someone remembers to destroy it...5 -
I just don't see my future working in a mnc where I spent 4 hour to fix a small bug. It's not skill problem, it's the code written by an asshole that's over genius. But it's ok, I will go home on time and bootstrap my little product, one day hopefully I can work from home for myself!1
-
This morning, I tried to abstract myself from my computer while trying to calculate sqrt(1.81).
I came up with what I thought to be a genius method. I tried to find B such as (1+B)^2=1.81. Then I ended up calculating the discriminant of 1+2B+B^2 and had 4*1.81. Sounded funny at first, but upon calculating the positive solution amongst the 2 possible ones, I ended up with (-2+2sqrt(1.81))/2 = ... sqrt(1.81)-1. Upon replacing in the initial equation, one gets (1+sqrt(1.81)-1)^2 = (sqrt(1.81))^2 = 1.81.
I'm sorry for having let you down, dear pasokon. Please forgive me.2 -
After a massive refactoring of the DAO test aren't running after 6 hours of debugging and traceing I find what some "genius" left behind.He wrote direct database updates from the UI code. WTF? Who gave them git access?
-
Whoever decided that Discord should beep AND NOT TELL YOU WHY it's beeping for is a fucking genius, I have tens of Discord servers and it's always FUN to check my DMs and spend ten minutes to find the one server I haven't muted yet.1
-
When I was 11, my uncle called me genius and I should study computers after I went online to HP's official website (using a 56k modem connection) to download the drivers for the printer we had at hone, since somebody lost the cd with the installation that came with the printer. Today, I am 25 yo software developer earning 25k+ a year :) #thanksuncle
-
The go-getter boss sets us up on basecamp. ( Mind you, this is just two weeks after starting us on Slack )
The first topic of discussion he puts out is "What would you suggest to improve meetings?" Considering the business genius has cancelled the past 5 office meetings, I replied with "The key to a successful meeting is actually having them."
Basecamp's been pretty quite ever since.1 -
That feeling when you’re soooo tired that you’re brain comes up with shitty programming solutions and isint able to think outside the box nor make proper functioning code, and you make something actually work and you’re surprised that like wow, I thought it wouldn’t work, ok then I guess I still got some brain juice left.1
-
Guys I just got an idea! I should replace my Gentoo with Ubuntu, like that I'll have something to rant about :D
What do you think? I'm a genius right?3 -
Today one of the user complained me that my account has been hacked and someone is using it. I asked how can you say that then he replied "Whenever I hit enter after typing the password, its getting extended !"
I was like - "Please kill me!"2 -
Oh when you refactor the complete project structure and give for build the first time !!!
It's like you are sitting with your heart on your hand and praying to God that at least let the errors be readable(I am no genius to think I will be able to produce error free code the first time😝😝) -
What if we are wrong and the people that put 4 operations calculators for paid in the play store are actually genius?2
-
Remember to design against theft..
https://gizmodo.com/oh-man-this-gen...
--------------
Oh Man, This Genius Guy Created a Robot to Steal from Vending Machines
--------------3 -
When backend guy does front end he will complicate things and make heavy super dumb application that most of the user hates. That's why backend guy will just do backend, not because they are super genius or good in algorithm just that they don't have the skills to be a good front end developer. Just saying but think about it isn't it true.2
-
If I would be a network administrator , I would troll everyone by creating 2 networks, one called x-fast and another called x-slow. Obviously I would reverse them so the one called slow is actually fast, and the fast one is slow. So I can benefit myself from a private network with no one on it because it's "slow" :-)
Evil me or genius?2 -
Full code base with 0 comments. Either it's utter genius or terribly poor.
And I'm sitting here reviewing a PR.4 -
Was debugging a php project (for a friend) the header(location) wasn't working for some reason, and I didn't want to go through his 1000 lines of code to see where the trouble was, so I just inserted JavaScript to redirect the page to a location he wanted.
Now he thinks I'm a genius😂😂 -
when someone suggest you a project idea out of their genius mind,
and the story is either it's impossible or there are tons of implementations.
you'll be like " you are so naive, you don't know anything", but you can't say that because you wanna make friends. -
Spent 2 days hacking a plugin to make something work, and I thought I'm a genius when it's done. Lastly PM said not to go with that feature as it doesn't work on Firefox and IE!
-
Sometimes i feel that i am the only person who knows the type-2 trick in a dwh design. Why don't you read a book about dwh101 before doing your work? I am not a genius and its not a rocket science.
-
The more I read the more I am convinced "That one prick" is just a smart tactic to get new member to buy premium. I seriously thought about it just so I could verify that I'm not "That one prick". Genius DevRant.3
-
!rant
Got amazed by last Doom, especially with the music, Mick is absolute genius.
Yesterday I ended up trying to beat '93 version at 11 pm despite I had to get up at 6 am because I'm getting ready for a trip ^^
btw. Doomsday engine pretty cool. -
My friends think I'm a genius programmer , coz he saw many side projects that I've made, actually he has no clue i was just git clone or google or stackoverflow putting different piece of stuff together lol. I think that's what we all do nowadays lol!1
-
Android Development vs Backend Development.
Hating Android & Eyeballing Backend atm.
Tell me which you'd rather do because I'm about to send the meanist fucking tweet to every "genius" @ Google.1
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View