They just bought 2 fucking 23" extra monitors for every developer in my org.
FEELS GOOD MAN

Google chrome

Plz come on

Just take the whole c drive for ur cache and stuff...

Dont take my whole ram

The worst Code I saw was

if (value != null ) {
return value;
} else {
return null;
}

Fixing a parents iPhone, episode 1.

Problem: "Whatsapp is gone off my phone"

Debugging:

Me: *unlocks phone and sees whatsapp*, it's right here.

Mam: no, I no that I can't see my messages.

Me: ok, that is definitely not what "whatsapp is gone off my phone means".

*opens whatsapp*
*inside add contact screen*

App seems ok, your trying to add a contact?

Mam: that's a problem, whenever I open it I only see that page.

Me: *taps cancel button with shocked face*

Mam: omg there's my messages, how did you do that?

Me: ... ... ... I tapped the very easy to see, large cancel button in the top right hand corner.

Mam: but why was it opened there?

Me: *looks at opened message from unknown number*

If I was to hazard a guess, now stay with me on this one as it's a bit complex. I think ... I THINK ... you clicked the "add to contacts" button on the screen in front of you.

I am suspicious of one thing though.

Mam: what's that?

Me: how you managed to click the add contacts button, and when brought to the add contacts screen, you assume the app is broken.

Mam: oh will you **** off you sarcastic little ****. Thank you very much.

Me: no prob, 4 year computer science course put to great use.

When fixing things:
Linux = be root
Windows = reboot

Think twice before making a time estimate.

Then multiply that by two.

Hello......

Atwood's Law: any application that can be written in JavaScript, will eventually be written in JavaScript.

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

Well...

I found this WYSIWYG wine in my local grocery store.

Thanks for the suggestion Google.

You know when the developer is in big trouble !

God is one of us

Feeling of world's best engineer...

When there are only 2 pages on Google you know you're in serious shit.

we fell in love because both of us prefer tabs over spaces

Man, that's a pretty serious SQL warning..

Best one...

As much as i love Ubuntu... This is so true.

At the top of a 2000+ line source file

I don't know what to write for this. 😂

A guy and a girl are in a Java seminar.

Afterward, the guy approaches the girl and asks, "Hey gurrl, can I get your number?"
Girl says "Sorry, I don't give out my number, it's private."
Guy says, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were in the same class!"

"What one programmer can do in one month, two programmers can do in two months." - Fred Brooks

Windows firewall security he like..

!!!rant
When after 5 years, u cant fully understand linux and someone wants to learn it in 2 days.

Sheer cruel🤣🤣🤣

Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??

Me: It's not that easy believe me.

Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?

Me: :/

Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...

Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.

Memory Lane

I absolutely hate when people name local variables something like temp or tmp. I was working on a project with a guy who did this with almost every local variable and it was really confusing to have like 7 variables with the same name in the same class.

Please use informative names!