When you're getting paid by the hour instead of by the job.

Source: UNILAD Tech

Chatting on Slack with a junior dev:

[Junior Dev] How do I get that file from the server ?
[Me] ssh into it and then use scp

I see Junior across the room, literally saying "shshh..." at the computer.

Packed my stuff and quit that day.

True story.

Got a job with EA
Went down like this during the interview

Hiring Manager: your second part of your resume seems to be missing?
Me: second part is $20
Hiring Manager: Welcome on board

Real HR policy ...

HR Manager in Heaven!!!

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "

"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules."

And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.

Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
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"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies

Programmers of today are like the monks of the middle ages. We use a language that people don't understand, we spend all our time sitting in a room reading, and people constantly ask us for advice but never really listens to the answer.

Wise words to live by...

Dealing with a client that won't pay:

Add opacity to the body tag and increase it every day until the site completely fades away...

Big congrats to @tahnik - the first devRant member to break 10,000 points!

My GF just selected all files on her harddrive and clicked "Open".

The look at her face when she figured out what she have done.

BONUS: She restarts her computer, and upon start she selects Yes to the "Your computer shutdown unexpected, would you like to re-open the applications" popup 😂

You know things just got serious when you reach for pen and paper.

My 9 year old son checks out the source code of every website he visits. If he finds something he doesn't understand, he bounces it off me. I love the snot outta that kid ❤️❤️❤️.

Spaces or tabs? - Semicolons!

And then there is this beauty...

502 Bad Gateway

I think this should happen when people get over 9000++

Who else think this is awesome

Manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre

Dev: ok, this is it, remember your training

class Dog extends Animal {}

void walks into a cave
doesn't return

Have you ever wondered we programmers have so many strong communities.... Stackoverflow, devRant, Reditt, etc...
No other profession has such communities... Why? Why?
Because, we haven't built one for them.... 😂😁

What only relying on JavaScript for HTML form input validation looks like

just when u have a meeting to rush to, this little shit updates. all my presentation material is on this fuckin thing. FUCK! arghjfbggghhh

"I don't need math!
I'll just make videogames when I grow up!"
[Myself as a child]

How I feel when editing an Android Manifest file

My boss just told me that my next task will be to create a website like amazon... It took me quite a long time to explain why something like that needs a big team and a good amount of money.

It just hit me that 'devRant' is in camel case.

I approve.

Friend: so what is this app I always see you using on your phone?
Me: devRant, it's for developers! it gives us the chance to share rants!
Friend: Wow awesome!!! so what do you guys discuss, interesting stuff huh?
Me: Spaces.... spaces vs tabs.

I was hired to create a MailChimp clone for internal use. Since then, more than half of the marketing team has been fired because their work is not needed anymore.

😆😆😛

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