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Search - "employee"
Excuse me boss!
During increment time
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an Plane. If u drop 1 outside. How many
Employee : That's easy, 49.
Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the Plane that's the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!!!
Moral: If your boss has decided to screw u, no matter How much u prepare u will be screwed.19
Real HR policy ...
HR Manager in Heaven!!!
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "
"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules."
And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies9
One time a company I worked for tried to fuck me over and not pay me the referral fee that was promised for referring an employee. They hired the person I referred for a position that was advertised as having a referral fee paid after 6 months.
After the 6 months were up, I went in to HR to ask when I could expect to see the money, and they said “oh, you’re not eligible to receive the referral bonus because we hired so and so as a contractor (full-time) instead of an actual full-time employee.” And I was like... fuck that shit, they never mentioned that to me and I didn’t burn a referral lead so they could hire the person as a contractor and avoid paying me the advertised fee. I was absolutely livid and couldn’t believe it after I had been expecting this money for 6 months.
I felt cheated and none of my colleagues at the company could believe they’d stoop so low to not pay a highly-valued employee an advertised referral bonus. I had lots of battles with management over it, and eventually ended up with a portion of the promised fee, but not the whole thing.27
Me: I have been working for you for almost 12 years now, and I feel that my current pay is not comparable to the work I currently produce. Therefore, in order to secure my future as your employee, I must request an immediate raise in pay to a level that is acceptable.
Boss: I can't afford it. If you want more money, you need to bring in more clients, plain and simple.
Me: I'm serious. If I don't get a raise, I will qui---
Girlfriend: Babe, stop talking to yourself and come to bed...
Me: Okay... [looks in mirror] This isn't finished...13
I once met a very cute client. Inner me was saying to go and get this girl. But company's code of conduct is completely against it that an employee shouldn't ask his/her clients out with you or date with him/her. Even my colleagues knew me as a man of criteria. So I leave
the Code of Conduct and now she is my gf. :)12
Fucked up an sql join once and accidentally deleted myself from the employee table in the prod database. So I kinda fired myself... Good thing we had backups. 😂2
So my Girlfriend bought a new iPhone at Verizon today. Cool story, I know, but here's where it's gone from there.
Firstly her debit wouldn't run as credit, so we used mine but that's the least of it (but began it).
So she has 16,000 photos... Alot, sure, but not the issue. Obviously with that amount of data she wasn't about to reasonably use iCloud to back it up (understandable only by me) so she was confronted both by me and the Verizon employee about this issue to where we both (the Verizon employee and I) agreed that an iTunes backup/restore was the only way to preserve her data. She was confused. No worry, told her I had it handled and the Verizon employee agreed. Great. Yet we get home and begin the process. My girlfriend was not on the latest iOS (understandable given the battery scenario and she was on an iPhone 6) and this was ridiculous to her because she had to update in order to do the iTunes back up. Whatever, I brushed it off. Her phone was updated, and backed up... Which took a while but we are talking 30gb (of which she had no understanding of how much that was). After the back up we discovered her new phone wasn't working due to a bad sim, great, no problem we have the old one... But oh no. "I don't want that shitty old sim" she said. Uhmm what... I say, and say let me get an earring (to switch the Sims) and she gave one to me and as soon as I went to pop the tray, she had a fucking heart attack as if I was demolishing her phone. I talk her down, get it switched, get the phone to restore (slow process as she's complaining... 30gb mind you) and it works. She goes to bed. Comes back, texts aren't working. I say imessages or texts (now she has no idea) I troubleshoot, seems nothing's working, and that's okay Verizon must of reinstated the new sim and deactivated the old (fine). I switch them and it works. She proceeds to berate me about the SIM cards because she didn't want the 'old shitty one' (the one that got us to the place of a functioning phone).
Now everything works and she claims a Genius bar employee would of done this in minutes.
I (obviously) lose my shit, now I'm sleeping on the couch.
Im an IT professional / programmer..... this shit really ticked me off.39
Facebook publicly announced that it won't build a backdoor into its services for the intelligence agencies as for the latest requests to weaken/remove the encryption.
I can only imagine the intelligence agencies going like this now:
NSA director: Alright, as expected they said no so they won't have more damage to their public image, lets go for plan A 2.0!
NSA employee: Aaaand that is?
NSA director: Serve them a FISA court order requiring them to do this shit anyways but also serve a gag order so they can't tell legally.
NSA employee: Ahh, fair enough, I'll get that rolling. By the way, how did we do this with WhatsApp's encryption again?
NSA director: Oh that one was simple. There's a backup function which nearly everyone uses on either Android/iOS which does plaintext backups to Google Drive/iCloud.
NSA employee: Oh, okay. How do we access that data again?
NSA director: PRISM/XKeyScore!
NSA employee: Right, but then still the issue of how we even collect the encrypted messages from Facebo...
NSA director: PRISM/XKeyScore as well, don't worry about that.
NSA employee: But, how'd we justify this....?
NSA director: We probably never have to as these programs operate outside of the public view but otherwise just call terrorism/pedophelia... BAM, done.
NSA employee: Gotya, let's put this into motion!29
At the Apple Store in my devRant hoodie and got noticed by an employee..
Her: what's your username?
Me: brod 😬, what's yours?
Her: julia! Have you seen the new MacBook Pro?
Turns out, there's no @julia, now I have a $2,800 MacBook that I didn't need (nope, not the pro, just the shit one).53
Work at a pro Microsoft company.
CEO wants an app so I explain that we will need a Mac to build the apple version of the apps. Refuses to buy us a Mac. For two years this goes on. Out of nowhere a new employee asks for the same Mac and the CEO goes out and buys $2000 without even thinking. We fought to the nail for a Mac for two years so we could do our job...they get one just for being new. My entire team feels completely insulted and betrayed15
employee: I want growth in my role
company: *installs ping pong table*
company: *creates fully-stocked snack room*
company: *employs a live DJ in the office*
company: some people just aren't a good culture fit.6
Employee of a customer of my company asked if anyone was available for evening lessons of the basics if linux for his son because he needs this to go to the next year.
I'm going to teach the kid the basics tomorrow for as far as possible and will be paid as well 😊16
Imagine being a gitlab employee scrolling through devRant being the reason for 90% of todays rants6
This happened a month or so ago. I wanted a tablet for more easy/portable server management (JuiceSSH) so I went to a second hand tech store (a good/reliable one) and this guy asked me right away what I was looking for.
I pointed at a specific one and he grabbed it and walked me to the cash desk to take a look at it.
"what do you want to use it for?"
"server management mostly"
Then this other guy behind the desk looked at me with this view in his eyes like:
The employee helping me also looked strangeish at me
In Germany, the official API for querying the validity of a tax ID, has opening hours. It can only be queried from 5 am to 11 pm, and a response may take up to multiple minutes.
This is the most German thing I can think of. My assumption is that there's an employee manually checking the ID and then pressing a button depending on the result, which then triggers the response.
This API is supplied by the Bundeszentralamt für Steuern, which is basically the German version of the IRS: https://evatr.bff-online.de/eVatR/...19
It was great to see Gitlab not only being transparent, but also being so empathetic towards the employee and not bashing them at all. Instead they said the more things you do the more mistakes you make. And the system/process should have contingency so that human mistakes have some tolerance margins.
That is a great workplace!
Rubber duck company meeting in 1998:
Okay folks, our sales are plummeting, we need new ideas... NOW!
Employee: Let's brainwash developers! Make them think our ducks magically solve their debugging issues....
Other employees: *rofl*
CEO: Brilliant, let's do that.3
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my latest employee, Dave the Duck! Dave is the new head of debugging and took the job to support his out-of-hand caffeine addiction and 72 children (of which paternity tests are still being done on 10). Dave is also wanted in 4 countries as the leader of the popular gang, known as the Dangerous Ducks. Please do no feed Dave, as he is on a strict diet. #DaveTheDuck #ProgrammersTools #ImNotThatCrazy10
Friend asked me, "How does it feel being the CTO of a startup?"
Me: "I feel like the main character in one of those cartoons where train, going full speed, is running out of rail road, so he takes rails from behind the train and puts them in front. And the entire thing is on fire. And everyone you hire is trying to put it out with gasoline."
Friend: "Doesn't your CEO help?"
Me: "Well... He had never seen a train before, and he thought they operate on magic and wishful thinking. And he never realized they need rail track to even run. So... not really"
Friend: "So, it's pretty bad, ha?"
Me: "It's great actually. We just closed our seed round. We're about to launch beta. I might even get 5-6 hours of sleep this weekend 😅"10
Why are you
guys making me
So I have 600 LinkedIn contacts.
Most are recruiters.
So my feed is flooded with recruitement rants.
And success stories like this:
How they hired the guy who had
A 10 year gap in his employment.
Because they had to take care.
Of their sick pet hamster.
Hiring him was one of their best decisions.
He was a stellar employee.6
Found a Google employee in street view getting lost and using paper map .. There are also seem to be 2 guides with him...
I find it kinda amusing9
Agency: "Why don't you do more free work for us? When you do that we can give you better jobs for money?"
Me: "so if I do free work for you, I get to do paid work as a reward? ..you know that I am a freelancer, not your employee, don't you?"
I am a software engineer and my cousin is a Geek Squad employee for the local Best Buy. And he thinks we do the same thing.7
I recently found a company that used employee social security numbers as their login username and their MMDDYYYY as their password (which could not be changed) also their entire network was using a router with no wifi password set. :/8
As a full time remote employee it gets lonely. Im getting ready to turn my home into a co-working space :
* Plenty of space with tables and couches
* Gigabit Internet backed by enterprise networking gear
* Lots of fresh ground coffee
* Local Kubernetes server !
* dog friendly chill space
* kid friendly play areas during the summer
* Mountain home with backyard hiking trails , wildlife lookout (wild deer live in my back yard), and fireplaces
What else would you want in your co-work space-at-my-place (TM)?13
Qualification != proficiency
Worked at a company where this bloke (Jepediah mcShitFart we shall call him) had enough programming certs and qualifications to fill a page.
I was the one fixing his fuck ups, because he coded like his ass, debugged like his ass, talked like an ass, and used to shrug off responsibility like an ass. Hr did nothing because he 'was a long time employee'.
Plus, I have met hundreds of programmers who would put many to shame, and they don't have a single qualification.11
I saw this yesterday and thought it's kind of nice. Probably not everybody will understand it as it's German. But the level of creativity is definitely gratifying19
So the guy who's pretty much in charge of this project allotted three hours yesterday for me to teach another employee how to use the tool I developed.
Within 20 minutes, the employee told me it was pretty straightforward and he didn't really have any questions. The only changes I need to make are minor clarification and organization changes to the documentation.
I feel pretty great.5
I see lots of rants about lack of sleep, working through the night etc!
People you need to sleep an average of 7 hours a night your body needs this to stop ill health. Working through the night/mega long hours for nearly two years nearly caused me to have a breakdown.
Please be healthy! Working Long hours doesn't make you cool or a more valued employee.7
Work your ass off for a month, packaging new software and deploying them. No one says anything.
One of our guys uploads a new autoupdating food menu provided by another company to our intranet. Takes a few minutes.
”OMG! You should be rewarded!”
”Employee of the month!”
”IT award of the month!
”Have my babies!”
A client asked me to work on a new website for them. They setup a WordPress site with a basic theme and asked for the following additions:
- Job application system
- Employee management
- Employee scheduling/holidays
- Online clock-in/out and pay calculation
- Training videos/modules for employees with progress tracking
And their budget... $75
My boss asked me to do tech support today as one of tech support employee was not feeling well.
The very first call i attended, went like:
Me : Sir, this is xyz support desk. How may i help you?
*Listening his problem*
Me : Sir solution is pretty simple. Just do a Right click on application shortcut icon and then select "Open File Location".
Client : where can i find "Right Click"?2
Guys, Guys, Guys!
I've just won employee of the month! And you know what is even better? The elders of the internet allowed to lend the internet to me to use it in my speech! I couldn't be happier (they even know who I am!)10
Management knows shit about managing.
They ask us to do x and one month later they have the first meeting to discuss it... They didn't even plan it, only asked.
Its like asking a hamburger at Mc Donalds and letting the kind of hamburger for when it arrives:
"Hey, I want a hamburger"
Mc. Employee: "Which one , sir?"
"Doesn't matter, when it arrives we decide about it, just go on, chop chop"5
worst experience with a manager was the (female) one who got away with harassing a female employee for YEARS and thought it was ok because she thought they were friends.
She also retaliated (in ways that were hard to prove), played favorites, didn't know metrics or general business sense, couldn't do her employee's jobs but loved to tell them how they were wrong all the time, and then when she was fired, after the female coworker finally reported the ass slapping and the harassment based on disability, she went back into employee only areas with client personal information and thought taking selfies was ok (she was very quickly corrected and had to wipe her phone and memory card to ensure she hadn't been doing it when she wasn't caught, which cameras later proved she had been).
(I only sound calm. I will take a needle to her probably fake boobs and deflate them with glee if I ever see her again)4
Sitting in the room with the hiring manager and the previous employee:
Manager: "Do you know your stuff?"
Manager: "Do you know your stuff as well as him? (pointing at previous employee)"
Me: "I taught him."
Manager: "Okay, when can you start?"7
Boss: Hey, you were in that "Pike place fish market session" today. How was it?
Me: well, it was really motivational and inspiring. I learned few new things.
Boss: Great! Also let me tell you that you're again our employee of the week and we're considering you for the employee of the year award. No one got nominated so early in the job here.
Boss: So you wanted to talk to me. What was it about?
Me: Oh, I wanted to resign. Already sent the mail to you.4
I have never been in a dev company , though I am programming now for 6 years. Started to freelance last year as android dev, making good money. Company Head Hunter called me yesterday Offering me a 60k € salary as employee. Told him : sorry, Its not that convenient for me (I Prefer to stay independent, even though it sounded very charming)...later that day he contacted me and Offered 90-100k as entry.. Wow.. I didnt even finish my degree yet and I get Offered that much. Android ftw!
23 years old and from Germany btw11
First day at new job yesterday, and it was really enjoyable, it's nice to be at a place that is actually competent at software development. I actually have people I can turn to who are tons more experienced than me.
Aside from the usual orienteering, I spent my time examining their existing systems and wrapping my head around the project I'll be working on for my trial period.
People seem friendly, coffee is good, they know what they're doing, willing to experiment and try new things, and I will get a free mac book pro as an employee.
Hope I get this.3
Client: I forgot what my user ID is to log into the system
Me: It's just your employee ID number
Client: All caps?
Oh, that feeling when you learn the entry level dev, with no useful knowledge, gets paid more than you...
And it is official: I am not a project manager anymore.
My Boss has just created a new Automation department of which I am the only employee. So, now, I am an Automation Engineer.
More tools, maybe code and almost no contact with clients anymore. But I am gong to miss a few of them. :)2
I feel sad for the NSA employee that is watching me. All he sees is me ranting over coding problems, playing games and masterbating.
He is probably thinking about changing his job.7
You ever open some code that was committed a few years ago by an employee long gone and it's so shit you have to get up and go outside to take a deep breath of fresh air?6
So yeah, I got fed up with assholes offering unpaid internships while demanding the work of a paid employee and I went around reporting all of them for violating the law.
Hope it does something. I hate these people taking advantage of vulnerable post secondary students for their crappy, worthless startups.1
While being self employed as a programmer may have its ups and downs, at least no one will judge you(except yourself maybe and your clients if they know) when you code drunk and it's Wednesday night/Thursday morning.6
Dear fucking boss,
If you want me to implement a huge feature which requires the creation of dozens of db tables, server side classes and front end pages, just fucking stop ask me every 2 hours if I’m done.
The employee that will quit in a week or two6
This is for all the junior devs and people moving into the corporate world.
Remember, HR is there to protect the company, NEVER the employee.
Do not fall for the okie-doke when they tell you they are there to help.
If destroying you is cheaper in the long run than damage to the company then be sure they will slit you from ear-to-ear.7
I think Gihub/intellij has spoiled me. Whenever I get discounts or free stuff as a student/employee and it's not either completely free or 99.99% off I feel cheated.
Product - Oh you are a student? Here's $990 of this $1000 software, enjoy.
Me - Not completely free!? I'll take my cheap ass elsewhere thank you.
*Disclaimer - work percs are awesome plz no fire Mr. Bossman if you see this*12
How to make your employee suffer, drive them insane and having suicide tendency 101.
Delay the paycheck for 18 days but still asking about task progress like a normal day. Like nothing happened.
I can't pay water and electricity bills that due in 3 days, can't buy medicine,
can't buy gas for the bike,
next week i'm not gonna be able to buy food
The good thing is, i still got the internet, i can look for new jobs and play some games to forget how shit my life right now while the electricity lasts.
I have no suicide tendency, just to make it more hiperbolic 🤣9
So the water dispenser in the kitchen does not have sparkling water, which I love. But there's one in the meeting room down the corridor that has sparkling water!
Like any regular employee of course I filed a request with site manager to upgrate the kitchen dispenser... NOT!
I wrote an app that sits in the taskbar when minimized and shows a traffic light with the status of the meeting room availability so I know when it's clear to go fetch me some of that bubbly goodness!8
One big file with a lot of variables in the window scope.
Because she was in “charge” of the frontenders because she works there a bit longer then me I never checked the frontend code.
I said I wont/cant help unless I see better code. I explained to a trainee what could be done to change it and Im impressed that the trainee did a better job then the employee and quick as well.
Got the whole code in seperate files with each part of the code in seperate scopes within 2 hours.
What Im saying here is that even as student, intern or trainee you can know things better thsn someone with experience, dont be afraid to speak up. Because everyone can learn from eachother.7
Saw this on the interwebs. Left: customer. Right: employee.
The left one looks like a nice type of customer-person though.
I like to imagine that the employee-guy does not understand why the computer is not working, at which point the customer-person says: "Oh, I can fix that."6
*me as a boss*
*employee comes in late*
me *smiling and laughing":
*tells nearby person* there they are!!
*tells employee* congratulations!!
*laughs and hugs*
confused employee: what for?
me: you're late8
Company: *Doesn’t even send out rejection letters to applicants after wasting weeks/months of their time with their bogus interview process.*
Good employee at said company: *gets new job and ghosts company*
Me vs a government employee in India...
Me: You should have setup net banking on your website. I had to travel 20 miles to get to your office to make a payment.
Employee: Sir, we do have net banking enabled.
Me: I searched all over your website but couldn't find it.
Employee: Oh! Well, I guess it stopped working since it rained yesterday.4
Colleague asked me to join devRant and I was like that is it something related to development.
But when he said NO its nice and sharing about your seniors and managers. I was like that oh I need to write so much then......
Coming with expereince in first startup as employee.
Working for a company that micro manages, my boss asked me to build a script that calculates hours employee is not on his seat through camera feeds.
Received a mail today that my first weeks deficit are 7 hrs.25
The only technique I know.
Get hired straight out of uni. Project architect disappears right at beginning and I am left as a graduate employee to build a travel booking web app. Learning new front end and backend frameworks by coding them constantly for the next 8 months.
We might actually get this project done!5
HR meeting about flex time. They rounded up the entire engineering department for an all hands meeting.
Started off "we're not here to single anyone out, and no one's getting fired", and then proceeded to shower an employee, lets call them G with praise because they worked late the one day they brought in an investor.
The rest of the meeting was a guilt trip for the entire group. Great use of company time. /s1
Have a client that has a very, very large format printer (think billboards). It's on their network as just another printer, with no special security because everyone "knows" never to print to it....except the new employee who printed her direct-deposit info to it. Got about ten feet(!) into the job before someone realized it wasn't an authorized job.5
Had an employee evaluation today that I had been anticipating with a lot of anxiety since December. Went in with major impostor syndrome thinking I’m just not contributing enough and I was going to be put on the spot. But, they told me they couldn’t be happier with the work I’ve been doing. Now I can finally relax.4
Got a new job! 🤗
They said one reason they took me was the fact I have a github profile and published some things there... And I never intended this to be the case nor do I think I published anything meaningful there.
The company is awesome, they're open sourcing a lot of their tools/sending prs to libraries/frameworks they use. And one can choose the OS to work with as an employee 👌6
I'm such a goof!
I observe that I create problems out of nothing when I'm stressed or even when I'm excited.
Had my US visa interview few days ago.
I might be one of stupidest person this particular consulate employee has seen.
My visa interview was done, I came out of the building and I noticed one of my passport was missing. I panicked and told an employee ( who also happened to be the same employee who took my biometrics - I had also goofed up a little there ) that I forgot my passport in the counter.
Duh, if visa is approved they will take the passport. I already knew it, but still I forgot!
Today was epic.
I made the first formal demo of the mobile application I have been working on for the past three months, and the whole team of the start-up I work at were all psyched about it. I got compliments from everybody.
Since I am the only tech oriented employee, what I do is pretty obscure to the rest of the company and I was not expecting such reactions and it was awesome. I'm proud of what I achieved, and the undivided validation made me feel like I own the world, even if I have still much learning to do.6
Oh so easily the trust between the employee and boss can be destroyed.
All it took was hearing the truth from another one.12
Seriously does this master/slave bullshit actually affect everyone here?
From what I’ve seen it’s just a fucking idea / suggestion not a full blown change set being implemented.
Stop fucking over reacting to bubble wrap nonsense, if you want to call it a master/slave relationship then call it a fucking master/slave relationship and be done with it, if this really offends you or you believe political correctness is needed here, go call it something else, at the end of the day it’s still going to be the same thing, just called something else.9
Got the ideal job right now. Over market salary. 100% remote. Mornings to myself until the rest of the team in another time zone comes online. Working within my competency with just enough challenge to make it interesting. Free products for being an employee. Only wish it came with paid health insurance but I do get a partial reimbursement.2
Employee: we have 15 years of Stored Procedures
Boss: just because we been doing it for 15 years doesn’t mean we should continue.
Boss coming in clutch.4
We have a portal which uses Windows Integrated auth that lists out all off our internal sites.
Navigating to any of these produces a URL like the one in the attached image.
Turns out all our internal application use a base64 encoded email address in the query string as the means of authentication.
So, anyone can authenticate themselves as another employee within the company by simply changing the query param value to said employees email address.
Recently started a new job and had a fellow employee find a 27" monitor for me. The monitor did not have an hdmi or usb3 cable to hook it up. I make a request to help desk for a new one where their response is:
HDMI cables are not standard equipment and must be approved by your manager.
Okay, I forwarded it to my manager and it still isn't approved. So it is day three of having this nice but blank monitor on my desk! Fuck it, ordering from Amazon.7
Today I sent email blast to wrong list of 12k recipients. I was given the list by another employee. I crashed the email server. It was fun.2
So yesterday I went to the postal service to claim my package(stress ball). While I'm waiting for the package the employee there asked me:
EMPLOYEE: There's so many stress balls here why buy one overseas.
ME: It's a dev swag I got free.
E: Oh I see. *looked at me suspiciously*
a moment later...
E: Hey, why stress ball? Did someone on your family got stroke?
M: No, it's for me. *smiled*
The after I got the package, the man looks like he wants me to open the package in front of him. Which I didn't do because I'm late for my work.
Maybe it's a first time here that someone sent a stress ball from US. Goodness. Hahahaha
ps. the man looks at me like I did something illegal which is a bit awkward. Hahahaha7
My company has about 6 devs divided into 2 teams, 3 mobile devs and 3 web devs. One day, a guy suggest us adopting daily stand-ups to know what everyone's working on. I guess our subscription for Jira is now useless.
Personally, as a bad employee, I usually come in 5-10 minutes after everyone, so I missed most of the stand-ups. It's boring, it's just people stand in circle and say what they did yesterday.
I ended up created a slack bot to post a message at a previous defined time to say what I did yesterday to the team. Jira | Trello | Pivotal Tracker are born for a reason guys...6
The last night my boss called me at the middle of the night fo some job related tasks.
I was like: Boss! I am your employee, not your wife !1
All employee meeting, tv has no volume.
Guess who gets passed the remote to figure out why there is no sound...1
Recruiter: Hi! I'm a recruiter, and you have a position similar to jobs I'm trying to fill. What are you doing at your current company right now?
Me: Uhm. Working?
Recruiter: Oh! What would make a good candidate for positions like yours?
Me: Uhm. A dedicated employee?
I'm fascinated by the programs in use by stores. I was buying a piece of furniture yesterday and noticed that the employee typed my order using the console. Literally everything - the model, the color, the shipping address...4
[Image:Android Emulator Api 27(google play)]
It is in the public emulator now.Good job google employee😃13
Me: "hey we should do this new project in react!"
Boss: "no he barrier to entry is to tough for our team"
Boss talks to past employee(which he had to let go because he was a TERRIBLE developer who now works for facebook....) about new project, past employee recommends react....
Team is now going to work on a new project written with react......1
I hate windows.
I hate Linux.
I hate Mac OS
I hate Android, iOS, whatever os
I hate programming..
I hate being employee, or whatever..
Shit, life sucks11
I was looking for an single line ascii hug to let a Paizo (publisher of Pathfinder) employee know that he is going above and beyond with the communication because of delayed orders (delayed by Amazon).
Then I found the site on the screenshot. Guess they focused so much on the single line ascii art that they forgot to check the header :D4
Handed in my vacation for this year. Didn't hear back for a long time, no info at all. Got the new employee assignment spreadsheet for our biggest client, which went out to them. In it, my vacation is pushed behind by 3 weeks.
Thanks, but I didn't want to learn that my vacation has been delayed from THE FRICKIN CLIENT.1
So my manager calls me in today and says "Congratulations for getting the excellence award, but I'm sorry we can't give it to you as you're still a contract employee. But hey you did a good job 👍"
IDK if I should be happy or sad. Or just say FUck my luck and get back to coding 😂5
What do you think about ageism in the tech industry? I see articles where Facebook/Google pride themselves that their employee median age is not over 30. Why is that of any importance? Is it hard for seasoned developers to find a job or adapt to the "youth culture" in tech companies? Any of you felt bullied by your younger colleagues? Finally, will this change in the next 10 years since developers in their 20s will be approaching their 40s, or once they reach that age they will go to the special developer graveyard and commit harikiri?4
Dear current manager,
You wouldn't know real talent if it hit you in the face.
Your employee who's leaving for a FANG2
Internship Company employee: Hey, we need 600 images uploaded to a wordpress site, you'll have to do that for me.
Me: Alrightyy, can you give me some FTP or SSH access or something?
Employee: Nope, not allowed to.
Me: Uhm, I could write a shell script and run it?
Employee: The server is windows....
Me: Mother of god, I'll have to do it manually then?
Employee: You could ask John (my technical guider, not his real name) if you can borrow some fellow interns!
Me: *walks to John* Hey man, can I borrow some interns?
John: What for?
Me: Manually uploading 600 images to posts :).
Interns: *looking at me with a deadly view*
Co-employee in Slack: Let's get this bread
*1 hour later*
That guy: Bread has been acquired
Meanwhile me: *Forgot to eat breakfast and read the sentence wrong*
God I wish I was that guy5
My Boss, another employee and me were having discussion on a functionality on the website "How we will do it". After talking to us, my boss called his former employee and asked him the same question "How we will do this functionality".
After talking with the former employee, he comes back and tells us the same that we told him on "How we going to do it". Which pissed me off and I am angry on him, why the fuck does he has to call the former employee about this.
What do you guys think, should I be angry?3
Who the fuck sends good morning images to strangers?!
And there was this person who sent me images of good morning quotes out of blue on WhatsApp. I have never met or know this guy and vice versa. I was very creeped out.
I didn't recognise the phone number initially, but later I figured out that this person might be an employee of my ( relative ) client and he was using the mobile number assigned for the business like his personal WhatsApp account with his own profile picture and all. Very unprofessional.
He sent me similar messages for a week and I didn't bother to open the messages. I'm gonna pretend like I don't recognise the phone number. Anyways, his messages have stopped.
I hope I'll never have to face him or have any business discussion with him. I'm never ever gonna visit this relative client at his place as long as he is an employee there.10
Company: We want to attract lots of new talent.
Employee: First, try to retain your existing talent. Please treat them with respect and give them every now and then challenges they deserve.
Please ask the attrition rate of every company you interview with.5
Our HR guy is a tool. He requested I help him extract some data from our database. Which based on what he requested I supplied he then started trying to bully me because the data I gave him wasn’t what he wanted. Ringing me every 5 mins asking if it was ready, comparing me to another colleague who wrote the system.
When we blew up at him telling him to back off he continued. Anyway he still works here and persists in being a tool. i on the other hand ignore him.
I’m pretty sure that the HR bullying an employee is wrong, not massively worried about it just annoyed6
The person who I was closest to in the workplace is leaving and everyone else is a "professional employee" and they make "work safe jokes" that deserves "polite laughter" now everyone looses their shit if I let out the f word. I guess I will have my next free conversation with the goldfish.8
At my first job, our employee email addresses followed a somewhat unusual naming convention: last name plus first initial, e.g. firstname.lastname@example.org for John Smith.
They were ultimately forced to change it, though, when they received a complaint from a new employee. His name? Tommy Shi...6
Just went from full time employee at my work to contract under my own LLC on a retainer at my old salary. I'm my own man and it feels great. All the tax breaks shall be mine.7
Junior coders want to argue about database design saying an employee table in the database does not need a start date and end date because the requirements don't say that. I am doing gold plating he says. He didn't care that I had been doing this over 10 years and he 0 years. Oh yea and by the way I have never been given specific requirements about database design.4
When I started on the job I was placed underneath a senior employee.
Never got as much training as I wanted to.
Bc less then a week later they messaged in the group chat they were quiting.3
Boss: What you guys think about this feature?
Employee: ~details 5 good reasons not to implement it~
Boss: Nah, I don't think so, do it anyway.3
Working as a new employee: no wifi. No work. 10 new tools to get familiair with. 41 new people to get to know. No workstation. No desk. No signed contract.
So far so good.4
Just got a ticket reassigned to me from another employee leaving the company. The "Days to Due Date" field says -964.
It's for a very simple task that takes max 2 hours. Contacted the guy who created the ticket and it's still needed.
Excuse me what the fuck.6
When you're a bored college student tired of hearing your boss complain about making the schedule every week so you code a program that sorts each employee into their job categories, stores the days they aren't allowed to work (due to other jobs and or class schedules), the time of day they can't work and any days requested off. Then analyzes who's available for each shift throughout the week alongside categorizing each day of the week by the amount of employees needed and prints a perfect schedule for her to use that week3
Who the FUCK calls to get more information about a potential employee at fucking 8:20 AM? GO RECRUIT A LIFE AND DON'T BREAK MY SLEEP YOU FUCKING VULTURE4
Finally convinced the IT at my University to disable their badly-deployed HTTPS inspection.
So bad even the employee laptops in the domain didn't have the certificate (and the students got it on Google Drive a week later).
I feel great.1
I've been working for 12days straight to develop 6 different pages in an admin panel. The CTO decided to launch only 2 of them! Yesterday, I was late so he asked me to be more regular and produce results with a mixer of insults and profanity.
Dear CTOs, I know sometimes you guys just want to burst out but stop for a minute then try not to be an asshole. It has the complete opposite effect on an employee.
You being an dick will achieve only one thing, you being a dick.1
When your boss force you to go to client land and do some socializing, for God sake I'm a developer not a f***en public relations employee3
Place: Microsoft, Visual Studio department
Boss: we need to make beautiful changes, and make the development process more simple and beautiful.
Employee 1: let's arrange error messages to be more readable.
Boss: no, I don't need any details of error, just say there is an error.
Boss: This is genius, do it now.
When a senior employee farted like hell and can't do anything about it, but to deal with it because you just started as a junior. 😷13
You know, people hiring via Skype.
Gaming, seeing family or having long range relationships.
It's become a decent tool.
Then there is the Skype employee.
Opening a court case because in his work time, evaluating Skype calls - ON FUCKING OBSERVING SKYPING PEOPLE - he has to look at too much flesh (as in porn) for his salary level.
Like : the payment category states that you gotta be classed like 1,2 salary categories higher for such work.
So the first instance did not recognise the employees case, because they said its a state thing, or even higher.
Later instance evaluated the employee was right and decreed Microsoft / the NSA (whomever direct employees they are) to properly categorize their employees.
Therefore cost relatively exploded and an algorithm to detect nudity was built.
Wich is operational way earlier than Skypes TOS renewal mid 2018.
That also bans bad language and auto bans given accounts.
Talking about social credit..
in PROC (or prod, as they're known).
And btw: complaining about Google while posting Christmas gatherings on Instagram.. You get what I mean.
Honestly, I don't recall the sources. It's been a while.
I'd really appreciate a little compendium of this for historical reasons.
They will ask: what has brought us here? What is everyone an ultimate right/left/center/agnostic/religious fascist?
And we'll have it on paper. Or papyrus,.. even stone. As I don't know how far mighty people will go for their fortune.18
One employee explained something to another, while i was walking by.
He: "... now we have 800 instead of 4000 on this Page ..."
He: "Executed sql querys"
Fuck me sideways. I work for a small business doing most of their IT work, a lot of which is in-house software development. Today I was working on a feature of our employee schedule system that I wrote and for the last couple of hours, my laptop (which is my dev machine) kept freezing up on me every ten minutes or so... 😬
Well, I finally found the cause, but only after running apt-get update/upgrade to see if updating fixed the issue. I haven't updated in a LONG time... Productivity is not on the agenda for today I suppose.5
Happened on Wednesday,
The interview was more like this
0.) Everyone introduced themselves, first the 2 who interviewed me and then me
1.) They tell me What the company is about
2.) And What do they offer for their employees ( Including a free home internet )
3.) What kind of job would you like to do?
4.) Last few minutes: tell us why we should hire you ( how would you sell yourself to us)
After they listed all employee benefits, I had to avoid showing my burning willingness to do anything to work there because that would have scared them2
Today I went to Yogurtland, the wall tiles looked like a user's busy Github history. When I got to the order counter I said, you guys have been busy on Github, haven't you?
The employee gave me the most confused stare I've ever seen. I just chuckled and walked out.
Today I was at the store because I needed a Usb C cable. I grabed one of the shelf that was 40€. It wasn't even particularly fancy, it was just 1,5 m long and not very special. I asked an employee if they had a cheaper option and he recommended me that I should buy a micro Usb cable instead. Yeah, it would be cheaper you idiot, but it would also be USELESS!!!6
When an employee has a problem and calls tech support and you ask them to switch off their computer and they proceed to turning off the screen 😑1
Being an expatriate, too far from my people..
Being an employee in a sucking company..
Being with responsibilities, husband, soon to be father..
All of this sometimes make me sad and not feeling well
I think life is getting hard for me.17
A couple weeks ago I told a now former client that I just "fired" that I had no remaining invoices to send them. Today I discovered a couple of invoices from a couple months ago that it appears they'd not yet paid. This is why I need to quit trying to run a business and just be an employee again. I suck at accounting.3
Last office building I worked at, the company across the hall recycled old PCs for businesses. They had two reserved parking spots in the building parking lot right up front. The signs read "Employee of the Month"
Every day when I came in the owner's $80k luxury car was parked in the middle of both spots.
Worst non-code security issue: Password to admin panel for client, as issued by former employee whose job I held, was "password". Been that way for > 1yr. I found emails saying it should be changed. It was the same when I left.
Hey, looks like some employee of this hosting company failed to 750 his home directory and 640 the files...
I was SSHing around on our hosting account when I slipped into his home direcory where at least two(!) SSH public keys of his admin account for the server were readable!
Being an honest guy, I had to call them...
It's fixed now.2
My previous boss has bad habit of relieving employees. He find out his links in a employee
s new company and then god knows what he did with that.
For, that reason I did not mention my current company when I switch but today I tried to find out those people who left before me it was shocking that no one updated their current company.
Creepiness of the former boss was real. Everyone was scared.
The best boss I ever had was my father .
He wanted a C# application for employee management with some specific features so I accepted and did the job.
Dear senior colleague, not showing up to the meeting I scheduled with you for the second time in a row without any notice on your part (before or after) is NOT OKAY. Especially since it is about including junior devs more in the processes you're majorly involved in. In the last employee satisfaction survey I told the company that I don't feel appreciated. You asked why. Well, dear company: For example: THIS.
PS: I asked him to reschedule for when it's suitable for him. He said he would. Guess what? Didn't happen yet?4
Zero Days documentary about stuxnet malware features a "identity protected" NSA employee who reveals information about classified NSA tactics.
She claims "I would NEVER compromise ongoing operations in the field."
Well it's too bad that Amazon Prime Video and IMDB don't share your values. They have compromised your name, Joanne Tucker, and the other films you were in.
Nice acting though. You really have people believing you were a real source!15
Me and the CEO of my company are both in the same clan in clash of clan.
I've never worked for a cooler guy. And funny enough he is much much much better than me. He has been playing for like 4 years.
When I started writing this 2 weeks ago (yes I forgot about this) he was working with us, he resigned in the meantime.
I just did the same, Today.
So, I guess best ex-ceo for a probably best ex-employee.
“Begin your onboarding and assimilation program.” Are new employees joining a company or the Borg? I guess it’s ok so long as the next line doesn’t say “Resistance is futile.”
Our team is small but we pretty much always have fun times. Our bosses have been visiting us this week (they work in a different country) and we've been partying almost every evening, they even paid for it. Our new employee who starts officially next week was also invited. Such a great time!1
New employee started this week, doesn't know anything about bash because she's a Windows user :/ She'll receive a crash course today by me (she has bash installed on Windows 10 because we require it for some of our tools).4
Today was my last day at my old job. At my last monthly review, the CEO actually said to me how things would be much better if I were making enough sales happen on the websites to justify my (very low) annual salary. I checked the numbers on my way out the door. In the past 8 months I definitely cleared that threshold and then some. I wonder if he would've given me the next 4 months off with pay. LOL
I built a fairly simple database and website to showcase school curriculum “reader” books searchable and sortable by levels of difficulty and other metadata. I didn’t think much of it when I was building it but apparently it won the company a few million bucks in revenues once it launched. The big wigs rewarded that by selecting me as one of a few folks that got to go to a big corporate retreat in the Bahamas. This was before the company management went to crap and stopped incentivizing innovations at the employee level.
How do you get new employees?
We have a lack of personnel in our company. We do not receive applications via job advertisements or advertising.
Our company is modern, has good project planning and employees receive company cars. Projects made in react, node, php, java and python.
So, how can we find new employees? Which way are you going?19
Smartphone manufacturers these days, imagine how meetings to come up with ideas for new products go about.
Product manager :ok people,what can we do to make our next smartphone 'different'.
Employee 1: let's add more cameras
Employee 2:Let's kill the notch
Employee 3:Let's include the buzzword AI in all of our marketing
Employee 4:Let's put 8Gb of Ram in our phone
Employee 5:Let's just do all of those things and also give it a screen with a ridiculous aspect ratio and unnecessarily high resolution.3
Finally switched jobs after 7 years, with the expectation to have bigger workload then at my previous job where i almost fell a sleep.
To find even less workload at my new job, asked my manager if i could do something extra because i'm bored.
To get the answer that i don't have permission to do extra work for a half year, because they think its already a big workload for a new employee and they don't want to give me a burn out..
Sigh... what to do... any ideas?8
Went to bank at an unknown location all alone for first time and completed tons of pending work with the bank. In all, was worth 4 hours of struggling.
Being a Dev, I really feel bad how much the employee struggle to cope up with banking softwares and consider it as a gigantic task which for us is like the easiest task. Using mostly clicks and number pads and rarely any software updates.
I wonder why there isn't a proper training provided that would make them realise how simple it is to use banking proprietary softwares.
Or are we lagging behind to provide even better UX to banking employees.
This is long rant/story:
My manager conducts sync-up meetings regularly. The idea is to sync up all developers on current state of work. He does’t conduct stand-ups. He doesn't have time for it. He rather discusses on individual basis if we are blocked. The rule of the sync-up meeting is NOT to discuss any blockers or problems but simply explain each other what we are doing and how we plan next.
Sometime ago, the manager brought up and explained a new way of working in the sync-up meeting. At this point, a new developer in the team was absent due to sickness.
Today, there was a sync-up meeting and the manager started to question the new member about the newly introduced way of working. He was unaware of it and the manager never communicated this important information via email or any mode of communication available.
So, the conversation goes on as follows:
"Manager": — "Why didn’t you complete your task as per the new way of working?"
"Employee": — "Well, I've no idea. Am I supposed to do? I’ve been working as usual like any other"
"Manager": — "We have a new process and you have failed to follow it, so we’re late in delivering your work"
"Employee": — "I’ve already finished my work on time. I've raised a pull-request this morning"
"Manager": — "It doesn’t matter, it is not merged to main branch and so we can’t include your work in the release"
"Employee": — "I’ve no idea about the new process"
"Manager": — "Haven’t you asked around about what happened from previous meeting"
"Employee": — "Yes, I have. I was told which tasks were handled, but nothing about a new process"
"Manager": — "Aren’t you interested to learn it?"
"Employee": — "Why won’t I be interested? I was on a sick leave and I have no clue what happened here"
"Manager": — "What’s happened is past now, let’s not focus on it"
"Employee": — <Dumbfounded>
The Employee felt ashamed in front of everyone. He did his job but it didn’t pay off.
…. After an hour … the Employee had a talk with the Manager
"Employee": — "You shouldn’t have pointed me out in front of everyone. It made me feel real bad. You should have emailed this information if its important for the team."
"Manager": — "I have no idea what you’re talking about. When did I say so? I think you’ve a bright future in the team. You should be focusing on doing better things."
Employee goes back to work. A minute later, the Manager sends a PowerPoint screenshot of the process in the group chat.
It's about delivering release packages based on priorities defined by client. Each release package is a set of work items or requirements. Individual developers are assigned to work items. They are expected to deliver on planned delivery timelines in order to consider a work item into a release package.1
If you have an employee engagement survey that reveals that employees are not happy, don't dismiss and mock the employees when presenting the results.
It might very well be that it actually does not improve the situation.3
Our employee management system, for some reason, stored Testlists (I work in QA) linked to the user accounts that created them. Now after an colleague who worked there for five years left pretty much all our data was suddenly down the drain and nobody backed the fricking server up because, hey, whats the fun in that. Now all the tests need to be rewritten and other than the whole gui test automation of our product, maintenance of the same for another product, manually testing dev issues and training my new code monkeys to frickin not commit non working code to the trunk I have now also "Make a better Employee management system" (roughly translated those are the specs I've got) on my plate... I can remember back to the care free days of just before my boss asked me if I wanted to try to automate some of the test cases... How did I ever survive this paralyzing tranquility. Ha, surprise.
!rant, I fucking love the stress and juggling a shit ton of problems at the same time keeps ine on edge.2
Wish we can shut down every tech product and service and start all over again. All the million dollar ideas are already realized and the only thing to do is be a rich guys employee now.10
A day in the life of a paypal dev.
1. Slurp some starbucks
2. Do a lil' Meeting
3. Eat lunch
4. 1on1 Meeting with manager for one hour
5. Scroll over some code and look at the beautiful Momentum ToDo app
6. Bid some employee farewell (seems to happen every day there apparently)
Sounds pretty efficient. When you write no code you cannot create any bugs...2
If there's one thing I've learned from a-hole co-employees, it is to avoid ending up being like them.4
Just received a Jira request to remove training videos from the business ethics page or our employee intranet because we longer hold the license's.
It's a toss up between a basic software portal for my old school as a volunteer thing or an old game designed around user content creation.
The portal is more of a personal success but the game was a success in the respect it ended up rolling past a Bethesda employee and he gave me a one on one Skype chat about there design methods.
-Applying for internship
-the "previous work/employee records" field is their
-can't leave it blank
-so did this "------" for its various fields of work position, start date of job, and date of job, salary, etc.
-warning says "can't leave that field empty"
HOW THE FUCK ONE APPLIES TO AN INTERNSHIP WITH WORK EXPERIENCE WHEN THERE IS NONE ?10
When your boss and his pet employee start rambling business speak about some feature they expect you to figure out even though they don't understand it.1
Microsoft and their dev tools...
> Trying to login to Azure VM
> Get an error, saying that password needs to be changed before logging in the first time
> Head over to Azure portal, try resetting password
> Password reset is not successful. Reason: Account already exists (???)
> Google the error message. Found solution (coming from a Microsoft employee!): Create a new user, login with that, fix the password for user #1 inside the VM, then delete the new user
What's wrong with these people? 😂3
finally decided to move to another company after 7 months of thinking.
Been working for 3+ years at my current company, I am their first batch of employee as well. third people hired in their engineering team. Everything goes well just wanted to work on bigger things while maybe I sacrifice my privilege about having much bigger influence2
I have been at my job for four months. I do 99% of the research on a problem or a fix - another employee recognizes the remaining 1 % and looks like a champ.
I'm facing a conundrum. I saw a job posting for <Company A> weeks ago, but wasn't really interested and moved on.
Got in touch with a standalone recruitment company today who had an exciting job offer. The recruiter refused to tell me the name of the company until he spoke to me as they directed him to not disclose the name of the company or any details until he has verified the candidate is genuine. To my absolute shock and disbelief it was <Company A>!!!!
So heres the conundrum. External recruiters don't lie, why would they? Clearly this company MUST keep their hiring top secret, and some poor employee didn't get the memo before posting that job publicly. Should I report the <Company A> employee?
I don't want to report them and get them in trouble, but feel I must in order to help the company fix this leak ... before its too late ... and people find out the are hiring!
Sharepoint intranet - took around 45 seconds to log in and open start page for the whole first year. Specialist went in to help. Now it only takes half a minute.
With 7000+ employees it means over 50 hours of wasted time _every day_ just from opening the start page once per employee and day.4
Make sure they're implementing basic technology that you deem necessary, or at least that they'd allow you to set it up. If they're working without CI/CD, for example, there are probably more problems.
Also, note that you might also be quite under qualified in comparison to the average employee. That might also affect you in a bad way.
The company I work for had an employee train his replacement without any clue that he was his replacement....savage1
There's this company that works in the RPA (Robotic Process Automation) domain, they describe their work as using A.I and Machine Learning to collect Big Data whilst following the latest trends in IoT, Blockchain, Web 6.9, and any other fancy term they can use while in fact, well... They're using an outdated software that uses vb6 modules to scrap some images and no employee have ever written a single line of code.
I'm on vacation since Aug 06, so it's already a week and 3 days (incl. today). And yet SOMEHOW I've already worked 28 hrs for my employee... And I was wondering why is my apartment renovation lagging so much,,,
So I landed a senior linux admin job in August, moved to a new city, and signed a 2 year contract for them to pay my moving expenses. I took an employee survey in October, not knowing anything. As a department (all ops and devs), we reviewed the results as a whole with HR.
Now HR is coming to our remote office tomorrow (4 hours away).... to be continued...1
I don't see the jobs.
-- I added them.
I don't see the "app-name".
-- Well, I have added them via an abbreviation "an".
Why though? That's so confusing. Why would I look for that? Assume I am a new employee. I would not know what it means.
-- You'll get used to it.
I. DON'T. WANT. TO. GET. USED. TO. IT. Why would you waste time by hiding necessary information behind non-saying abbreviation? Clarity counts.
I worked a whole year in a company for which I produced 30 software and none of them saw the publication even though they were completed. I was the most productive employee and had a productivity of 428% compared with the other employees.
All because of the constant changes in business strategies.
For a moment I believed to be a pirate ship during a storm. When I was tired of the way they were treating employees, months of backlog payments, unpaid leave or not granted, I quit and I was told to me that I was a bad employee and I was unproductive.
In a month he is left only the designer working. At the moment the company in question is still looking for employees, after more than a year no one wanted to work again. Stupid me.
While I ras looking for another job I did freelance for a month, gaining about five times my earlier pay.
So last time, when HR asked for a meeting I thought they knew who'll be leaving with me. But there is only rumors saying "CTO is poaching inside his team".
And I also learned from the a paralegal, who talk too much, that they just want to fuck with me.
So new course of action: how can I fuck with them? All week end thinking about it. And today, a big competitor, offered me the VP Engineering!!!
So I'll try to make them use their Non-Competition clause.
In France you can set a couple of main competitors and the employee can't work for them for a couple of years. And you have to pay the employee the full salary he could earn during that time (two years of salary). As the employee, you have to disclose this information (you want to sign with the competitor) with your current company and they have a couple of week to decide if they want to use the clause.
So I'm starting to see how I can scare them enough to make them use this clause.
I know it's not cool, but I enjoy so much fucking with them!!!10
Started a long running joke that new team members had to bring cake for their first team meeting. Only one employee bothered and they even made sure to buy something for the vegan in our team2
"please like our new post on LinkedIn"
AGH fuck off asking every employee to like your shitty "oh we hired some one new" posts
I don't fucking care that it then seems like an active company. I like shit only if I actually like it... Not some boring ass shit post
Also stop trying to micro manage your employees... Like actually wtf...1
When you inherit some code from the job student and you notice how well written and commented it is. I'm glad he is soon returning as a fulltime employee. Hope he will keep this up.
whole fucking day of coding.
git server down for maintenance so compresses folders / send. lost everything. if i meet a microsoft employee today there will be blood and piss. DIE U FUCKING FUCKS!!€
The CTO was on stage at the annual employee meeting. After some time he said:"well,I never wanted to hire X and Y. They're doing nothing but nonsense and the technic they are using is nothing but a hype."
The technic he talked about: Java, object oriented programming and cloud applications...4
i was about to talk about golang - but it can wait.
snapchat's discover section is TERRIBLE. the amount of BULLSHIT, INCORRECT INFORMATION, AND PURE IDIOCY IS MAKING IT TERRIBLE.
now, usually, i rant about mashable when i say it's terrible. AT LEAST WHEN MASHABLE WROTE ABOUT THIS THEY WERE CORRECT. but no, alas, my faith in humanity is put to an all time end. a new evil has arose, by the name of "wired."
of course, and incredibly late to the party, a "tech" outlet wrote about bitcoin. the headline was "is bitcoin killing the planet?" IT HAS BEEN POSSIBLY THE STUPIDEST ARTICLE IVE READ OF ALL TIME. THEY CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT ANY SHIT THEYRE TALKING ABOUT.
let's take a look at the TWO facts they got wrong, and displayed to over a MILLION people.
now, instead of just GOOGLING TWO SIMPLE FACTS, THEY DECIDED TO JUST WRITE RANDOM SHIT.
ENOUGH WAITING - HERE THE THE TWO FACTS THEY GOT WRONG
picture 1: bitcoin up $900 in the last year? THE LAST MOTHER FUCKING, COCK SUCKING
WHY DO SUCH DUMBASSES HAVE ACCESS TO SOMETHING MILLIONS VIEW?
IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE
picture two: the actual fuck????
did i just read that?
b- bi- bitcoin will "run dry" BY 2032.
i think i finally figured it out.
these facts, they're literally just random number.
i can see it now:
wired employee 1: hey, guess what number im thinking of?
wired employee 2: 14?
wired employee 1: *screaming* BITCOIN WILL RUN DRY IN 14 YEARS
how do these people get hired. do they hire only hire 12 year old interns? im genuinely asking. does anyone know?
okay, end of rant. plz continue complaining about dumbasses who have power thru the media in tech8
Sysadmin and an ex-employee couldn't fix an issue with an application for many months even with vendor's instructions.
Today the job is passed to me and I follow instructions exactly and resolve the issue.
The other two guys must have thought 'we don't need someone else's documentation, we can fix it ourselves'
This is not the first time something like this has happened. I guess some things just need a fresh perspective.
* Google employee reviews.
* Maybe check out how volatile their stock prices are (if they’re publicly traded).
* Use LinkedIn to find their employees and then stalk them on Facebook and see what kind of content they post.
* If you can’t tell from that, just DM them. Tell them why you’re contacting them and ask for their honest opinion.1
I recently finished high-school and got a job in PHP Development. My employer told me to make a simple app wich OAuths you to your Discogs account and receive your library list. I got hired afterwards and now i work on a huge project which launches in less than 2 weeks. The day i got my job i havent worked with Laravel but ~ 3 days.
When you need to learn something due to the pressure, you'll learn faster. It's the same as learning a new language - I'd rather go to live in a country where it's mainly spoken that language and learn it due to the necessity than buy courses online.
Argh!!!! I'm too dumb to compare two spreadsheets. I want to know which of the 2000 employees left or joined the company since last year. But the employee spreadsheet db export is not in the same order as the last years. Is there any bash shell magic or something else than excel that could help me?12
The year is 2035 and HR checks your rants to see what kind of employee you will be :D lord save us.1
In appraisal discussion,
Boss : Give me good reason why should we give you 30% appraisal!!!
Employee ( After logging into prod machine) : I am going to quit this job 😅😅
Have no words. Just got an email from a recruiter for a 6 months contract in a vendor company for a position....the final customer will be my current employer where I am already working as a full time employee. No mistakes because it is a very specific role.
At least please read the CV when you have one!2
1. an individual who attracts interest to a cause through evangelism and enthusiastic promotion.
2. an occupation in which knowledgeable specialists seek out qualified individuals to fill technical positions on behalf of another organization.
3. an unholy union of the worst qualities of both an ignorant cold call salesperson with those of an apathetic human resources employee. See 'chimera'.
I once had an interview at a restaurant named CASINO. As I was about to go into the interview room to meet with the manager a current employee whispered furtively to me, "He is really small".4
You guys ever have to explain whole project to another employee because you are the only one that know and worked on this project.
Worst thing is that guy is not even a programmer and I have to teach him c# first 😤 I'm soo angry2
My Technical lead always asks one question to new interviewing candidates. "Write a SQL query to find the second highest salary from employee salary table". It's the same question which he faced in one interview and he didn't have answered it.
Sorry for my bad English..3
Since i am successfully make my employee join devrant, they are started arguing the best editor, 3 choose neovim and 2 other join VScode side.
I choose to use Joe's Own Editor.
And also i am converted to Pink Religion.16
Is there anyone who works full-time remotely for a company which is based in some other country?
Not as a freelancer but as a proper employee.4
Bash on Windows is incoming soon! As a dual boot win10/Ubuntu user I am pretty psyched. Curious as to what you all think, and opinions from insider program participants.
I just hope it isn't half-assed.5
Created a website for a client at a pretty low quotation. Set up 2 email accounts and provided step by step instruction on how to do it. Client now expect me to do it for all 13 of his employee with migration. For free. Told him i will need to charge extra for this, he claims that i didnt mention right at the start. Is this my fault? Should i do it? Please share.8
You have a job for 7 days and you will get paid with 1 piece of gold per day. Problem is there's a block of gold made up of 7 pieces, and there is a knife that can cut it only twice. How would you solve this problem? Making sure the employee has the right amount of gold every day!
There are no tricks in the question like buying a new knife or whatever. There is a unique mathematical solution. Go!8
This asshole is out of his fucking mind if he thinks I am going to waste my Friday night waiting around to update a URL on the employee intranet.
News flash if it’s a tool people use everyday they have it bookmarked. No uses the fucking employee intranet because it’s old and it sucks.
You get a list of the users and email them telling them of the update if you are too dumb to figure out a redirect.
So an employee sent a nice email saying she is leaving the company and this is her last day.
Then for the next three days I get reply-to-all emails saying “nice to work with you”, etc.
A. Why the fuck reply to all, I don’t care
B. Her last day was two days ago, wtf? Why are you replying?
C. Person leaving send that shit bcc. Though perhaps this was their final, `fuck you` to us all!
Just a whole pile of idiots.1
i was given one month to build a cross platform mobile app that uses GPS tracking and handles employee clock-ins. Help4
Seeing some people posting stories about horrible internships so I thought let's post a good one.
At My current internship they treat an intern like an employee meaning having some great opportunities and rights. Having rights to ask anyone anything or question any decision or pointing that you are wrong.
Me: I don't want to work with this product.
Team lead: okay then there are some other options choose one of them.
And more cool stuffs
Setting up a laptop for the next employee. Office 365 has taken over two hours to install in what it states as "just a moment."
OpenOffice for life.4
Right now I'm standing in this Apple Reseller store waiting in the line and there's an old man who doesn't understand a fuck of his iPhone, and it turns out it's about setting up his fucksucking mail! I'm waiting for half an hour already, am so fucking done with this.
There's also this useless shit of an "Apple Expert" employee who doesn't do a thing. He constantly walks through the store very nervous and I'm getting fucking sick of this guy...2
What's the best passive income for you? With small effort/capital but with big returns in a short period of time? Also high chance of working/succeeding.
I don't want to be an employee forever :) thanks!12
I love how the consultants Microsoft hired to estimate the savings upgrading to Windows 10 comes up with the number $404 per employee. I think there's a hidden message here...1
Now, I didn't even really know Employee Appreciation Day was a thing until an article appeared on the company intranet about it coming up.
"It is a day for companies to thank their employees for their hard work and effort throughout the year. This day was created for the purpose of strengthening the bond between employer and employee."
I thought, "Oh, cool. I wonder what they're doing for it."
You know what they did?
They encouraged us to use the internal eCard system to send each other notes of appreciation. "Let's break a record," they said. "Most eCards sent in one day!"
And that's it. That's how my employer showed their appreciation for me.
I feel so... appreciated?
P.S. Yes, we broke the record.
P.P.S. No, I didn't get any eCards.4
Wanna be rich? Become an independent privacy officer! Rent yourself only to companies that have their shit together and charge thousands just for being a security expert!
Every larger company needs one, but almost none have an employee lawfully qualified to be one... 🤑2
I giggle a little bit every time I see a Microsoft Employee on Social Media because it's always "Derp McDerpington [MSFT]" and I ALWAYS read the "MSFT" as "Misfit"7
a previous employee used a CMS called pimcore to develop an internal application, using only the admin interface.
now my supervisor wants me to implement a custom functionality that the system doesn't quite offer(querying an external database) in a way so that it doesn't interfere with the rest od the app; so I have to filter through a clusterfuck of auto-generated code and UI to find where, how and why components of the page are generated.
don't get me wrong, pimcore seems to be a solid CMS, but it's just the wrong tool for the job.
Well we all know about McAfee right
Well today i went to their online support and had a chat with one of their so called technicians. At one point of this so called assistance he asked me for remote control. Then as an employee of a renowned anti virus company he sent me a link to a java applet to be run in google chrome. I mean what the fuck. Didn't they get the note that chrome stopped supporting applets a long way back. Assholes2
There's a function a previous employee wrote called isNullOrEmpty.
We're a .NET shop, if you couldn't guess.1
Implementing tons of ridiculous/almost impossible features you disagree with cause you're just a powerless employee who needs the job..
You still do it anyway.
Was wondering what kind of workflow you use.
My team is currently a big unorganized chaos...
Our manager wants us to take the form of:
Feature idea -> Design -> Build -> Test -> Train (explain to users how to use it) -> Deploy
The `Train` step is something rather odd to me, as that would mean teaching every single employee how to use the product we're making.
Wouldn't it just be better to skip the `train` section (and maybe use some kind of wiki?) and try to make everything as clearly labeled and obvious as possible?6
Employee at leasing office told that they have apartments 401 and 403 available. I have asked for 200 !!2
Every time I log into a server for a client:
Important notice: only employees of xyz are authorised to use this equipment.
Our client outsources their it to another company, someone from that company sent me details of a server for me to install our software. They licence our software, I am not an employee. I guess it must scare off the hackers?1
I am going to go freelance (starting a company and will be my own first employee) at the end of the month.
Was wondering what software some of you, who are also freelancers, are using to manage everything.
Quotes, invoices, jobcards, etc.
The bank through which I will be registering the company appears to offer some sort of online service for that purpose, but I have not seen it yet.
Any assistance will be greatly appreciated.5
Every bank employee I've met as an IT student: "I've never imagined myself working at a bank. I don't like banks, but I like working for them". Which means they pay well.
I'm a brand-new employee for my college's IT service. During my training, I was given a briefing on their security system. After something broke, he tapped into an administrative database on his chromebook, then he went to go check something while leaving the chromebook alone with someone he just met for over 30 minutes.2
So I’m a huge fan of visual studio, but it let me down today.
“Find all references” just straight up fails to find all references of a member in this big F# solution I’m documenting.
I need to be able to reliably find what I’m looking for.
Reshaper for visual studio appears to not be that maintained for F#. FML.
Download Rider evaluation on the off chance, it works flawlessly.
One begrudging commercial license purchase later (despite being the only employee) and I now have software that actually fucking works.
What a wonderful time when Microsoft’s official IDE fails in analysis of its own language.
I love being a part of a dev project as a non-dev employee, but I really wish I could leave VBA.
If for no other reason, because I'm tired of writing functions that end with "Me.Cells(Row, Column).Value" practically in my sleep.
There are a lot of other reasons, though...1
All the professors I had didn't accept that I have already solid notions about the arguments in their course. I tried to explain I worked in some agency and they invested in employee knowledge but the tilts was embarrassing, they mocks you but systematically when you hit the highest score in the test they compliments for "how well I've studied" when I didn't spent one minutes on studying while I was engaged with more complex and training exams. I wish a degree where you can attend the exam without following the course if I'm already prepared.
This rant goes way back.
> Be a student with student placement program at a big non IT related company back in the college days
> Given the job to work on a system to digitize their paperwork
> Had to go through 1.5 workdays of bureaucracy (?) to install Notepad++ and other basic open source tools to work with
IT'S JUST NOTEPAD++ NOT THE FKN MATRIX! JUST APPROVE THE DAMN THING!1
So I moved to a new company.
When entered there at first working day, found one candle on my table. I suppose that former employee left it for me.
Hmm, do you think the same thing as I do ?7
i really can't understand, why devs use Slack, HipChat or other Cloud Chats for internal communication.
Its even worse that three of my team use Hipchat in a Channel which the Mod is a former employee!2
Seriously trying not to fall asleep during compliance training at work....there's SIX HOURS worth of content each employee has to go through annually on their bday month....it's making me so slee....😴1
Why do people think that putting in more hours = more productivity and sitting extra makes you a more hard working employee?
Today out producer guy indirectly tried to tell me to 'be more productive' and to show 'some dedication'; I asked him outright that is he implying that staying beyond office hours is how I'm suppose to do it and the asshole replies how else would you? (in a non aggressive way)
Fuck this attitude. 😐2
I don’t know what I’m most excited about for tomorrow.
Tomorrow my imbecile flatmate moves out, and we have a Christmas party at work, but I think the most exciting thing about tomorrow, is getting the keys to my own apartment tomorrow.
I still can’t believe it, a year ago I was a school dropout, got money from the government, till today, 21 years old, full time employee at mid-Norways largest production company, and buying my own apartment
Any tips on first day at a new work place?
I haven't been "the new employee" in a long time.. I'm not very social and quite nervous :/9
To all the business owners, it's good to have employee's. It means you get to do their jobs besides your own too.1
I know you are trying to find the best employees for your company and are working very hard at it, but if you want the best results please be accurate about the posting. Do not put a job as Entry-level if the position requires 7+ years of experience. That is a senior level job. You will lose respect from those that have the experience and discourage all of the entry-level applicants from applying
An Entry level employee1
Today marks the end of my first week as a full-time employee in this company (been here a month as a part-time before being hired).
I joined as a QA agent, but they put me in localization duty (in addition to QA) about two weeks in. This week, they told me I'd be responsible for the whole translation process, from choosing the tools to implementing them.
On one side, I'm excited as hell to have some responsibility. On the other, afraid I'll fuck it up and wreck my shiny new position.
Any tips on not fucking up you new job? 😅3
Hate new company within a month.
They are downgrading my technology..Seniors are behaving like a boss..It's been a month and I don't know who are in my team.
Project setup is not done and asked to finish the task within 1.30 hrs which has been pending since long days and need to fix on other's machine.
What the heck is this?3
This situation, when you are working as external employee in a company that needs you to test safety-critical systems.
You wait months for "THE" (internal) test tool you have to use to implement your specified tests.
Finally , you meet with the responsible dev guy to let him setup everything.
Me: Hi, I'm here for setting up the test tool for project XY
Dev: Eh? No one (manger) ordered the tool for project XY!
What is your way of diagnosing a desktop/laptop?
An employee at work told me that her daughters laptop is acting strangely and she asked me, since I am into computer and I said sure. I said to her to tell her daughter what I am specifically looking for. I never really done this before.6
I have a job opportunity that would require me to move cross-country. The process would be that I do contract work for them for about six months while I work out the details of moving my family. The position is remote, even once I move.
Does anyone have experience being a contractor and/or remote employee and would like to share your knowledge? What's it like? What don't you like? What pitfalls should I avoid?
Is it normal for a big corporation to not give a tour to a new employee, say when is our lunch time, when do I leave and just load a 2k page book (vol1 of 2)? It's my 1st job and I'm a junior consultant...2
New employee joining the company next week. Where should she start on JS?
New employee is joining the company I work for next week, and I have the responsibility to teach, train and give her tasks. It is my first time training someone so I really have no idea how to do this. :P
She knows a little bit of Vanilla JS. Our projects are built with AngularJS (v1) with ES6, Webpack & Babel, ReactJS & jQuery. I want to put her on the project using AngularJS.
What order of learning do you recommend? VanillaJS, AngularJS & ES6? AngularJS & ES6? Or if you have any other suggestion, feel free to let me know.
Teamleading apprentice reporting in.
Today our new frontend employee told me our app wont start. I have wasted 90 minutes figuring out somebody installed an older node version via remote. Turned out the head of our administration thought: mhm it has been more than three weeks since they reported they had problems on the new frontend employee pc, lets check it out.
He did not inform anybody, not the user of the pc, me or the head of our IT department.
I underatand that Entity Framework makes things easy when it works. But when it doesnt, it is the worst thing ever. And it works less often than it should. THANK YOU FORMER EMPLOYEE FOR LEAVING US WITH A SYSTEM THAT HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN.1
Now due to march ending is around the corner, manager will frustrate and put employee on the edge of chair and doing shitty work just because illiteracy of boss. Literally hated this part of work.
New on the job. Got assigned to a project a former employee didn't finish, thousands of lines of code with barely any comments or uninsightful comments.
Is this what being a developer is like?2
😡 twat of an employee just broke the iMac he's had for barely a week i own it 🙄
You need fucking suction cups to get the screen off to replace it 😔 I get mistakes happen but if Im looking after someone elses shit I make sure I'm super careful with it.2
I am starting a new contract to create a full stack web application with a medical company that will contain some sensitive data about their clients/patients.
I have been working as a salaried full-time employee for a medical software company, but I have been shielded from any sort of lawsuits from the client (worst case scenario, I'd get fired).
Do any of you have any advice on what I should do to protect myself in terms of LLC's, Insurances, etc?2
For the employee goals evaluation, my manager suggested to word "the higher-ups difficult to deal with on the other parts of the world" as "handling complex and challenging situations due to time zone differences"1
Interview: "We provide on going training for all our developers."
// lie to employee
Console.WriteLine("We'll have to schedule some training for you.");
// wait 30 days
Is this survivorship bias or can people just not hold down a job anymore?
Sad because I was performing an extensive code integration of a release from an external source and then an employee from another building integrated another release before me
Now I need to request a new release with the bug fixes and it will take various days, maybe weeks (and if another release is integrated before, the cycle restarts).
I might be able to integrate by the end of the next year. Who knows.
That one time my brother received a call from some Indian dude that "worked" for Microsoft, who was alerting him about a "virus".
My brother (who was in his mid teens at the time) downloaded a program that the guy linked him to, and consciously installed it to allow the dude to take over his computer. Then, with full power over the computer, guy started doing shady stuff and offered him a one year protection for $99.
Thank God mom knew what was up when he asked for her credit card info...
Right after entering the Office Depot:
Employee: Do you have a computer?
Me: (awkwardly) yes.
Employee: When was the last time you diagnosed your computer?
Me : (wtf) never
Employee: Bring your computer to us, we will do free diagnosis and help you fix issues and bla bla bla ....
When your boss sees that you’re trying to recover a client’s employee dumb mistake on a database (he basically overwrote new data with old data) and calls his boss to tell him to correct the problem itself instead of making me lose my time finding when he screw up (he wasn’t able to tell when he did this, and I was recovering databases to find the point of idiocy) , plus charging him with for the time I lost.
I suddenly love my boss.2
There needs to be a game called along the lines of "how to be a better employee" so if someone so happens to see my browser history dosent see a trail of No mans sky links.
Has anyone here interviewed people over the phone for freelancing or employee position?
What are some tips from your personal experience?6
I've hired a apprentice that's literally today Said he doesn't want to be a programmer i said then... what are you doing here?
He didn't say anything ...
Do I fire him he didn't quit? I mean weird fucking situation. He doesn't seem engaged anymore so ... He ain't doing shit I should add4
Embarcadero tracked my progress on a potential commercial project. To my employer, I know for a fact my employee email is not connected to my personal PC. How did they get that email?
I used the unlicensed pro version of 10.3 because I thought the community version would have the necessary components needed open the source and not break the project. I planned to use the software over the holidays to dissect the code to see what changes I can bring to the table before asking them to buy me the legit license. Embarcadero caught me. Even know my project directories. How did they do it I wonder?4
How did you guys get your business running once you were freelancing? Did you do subcontract work for your old employee or just start fresh with a bunch of customers?1
When you are the youngest hire in the organisation and the second elder employee is 4 years senior to you ;_;
Windows Remote Desktop Connection for ALL of our VMs. No VPNs whatsoever. If an employee wants to connect to work from home, we have to set up RDP on their PC. 😐🔫4
So while reviewing a pull request a see that a co-worker named a variable "em" which stands for employee manager. So I asked him to rename it from "em" to "employeeManager" but he replies - Thats how all variables referencing that class are named in the rest of the app so he is being consistent with the app. What do you think should be done? Do I approve his PR?4
if I could use the time I spend on the Windows loading screen actually programming, I might actually be a productive employee.
it has to do with our network... if it's not connected when you boot, it's fast enough, but that's using cached credentials... what the hell is taking so long?2
went to the medicare dept at my ofc and asked for some tablets.she handed me only one tablet .
I asked for one more ,she denied saying I can't give more than one due to policies.
let the employee die but follow your policies.
m leaving this job asap.1
Once I had a meeting with a employee. He asked for some bonus money and I wanted to fire him. Was weird.1
You get interns when you have free time and employee when you want work done.
Only speaking from experience.
Anyone with similar experience?
Do employer also feel insecure if their employe is very progressive, hyperactive?
Like if he is a good employee then he can get a good offer and can leave current job anytime.1
Iwanted to create a website like freelancer, but the customers choose the dev instead of the dev choosing his employee. Do you think its worth a shot?32
I used LDAP to get public facing employee details of my company.
Now my colleagues think that I am an hacker 😂
That moment when you get asked if you know a language and database that your shop has never used, because an ex-employee in a different department decided to build a mission critical app on their own accord, and it just went tits up.
Company automatically disables your employee login passwords after every 45 days, which is a good practice for ensuring security. However I get no notifications that my password is being disabled. The result, for the past 4 months, I've been going to IT support requesting them to let me change my password on their admin console because I forgot to change it 'once again'. Sigh.. :/2
This is why you keep production data separate -- and out of the hands of developers: http://businessinsider.com/uber-emp...3
So, an employee at work told me that her daughter's laptop is acting strange and I said I would diagnose it for her. I was suppose to do it today but, her daughter left it at school, so I am going to work on it Saturday.
I was wondering, how much should I charge her if I wanted to get payed?1
Where I work I'm close to the receptionist's desk so it means a phone ringing in my head all day.
I usually stay back later just so that I can work when it's quiet. You, other employee, have no soul if you caused a printer jam a full two hours after official quitting time and are now trawling IT for a support tech.
How does a new employee ask for questions and don't get - "search on Google"?
Like doing a code-review together. It seems impossible these days, everyone is so busy...
I need that social interaction, and besides Google can't answer all questions thus mostly is information-based, and not something someone has been working with for many years that is targeted towards the place you work at.7
If some older employee writes the same code, nobody bats an eye. If a newer employee (with less than 2 years in the company) writes the exact same line, everybody loses their minds (in PR review)...
Not that I give too many fucks generally, but sometimes this partiality is annoying AF.
This causes: https://devrant.com/rants/2263742/...1
I have a doubt regarding blockchain. I understand how it works, but couldnot make use of it.
I am currently working on a platform which let client to assign task to their employee
Now I am planning to make use of blockchain on existing platform, to somehow set up a mechanism to authenticate that employee had completed the task, as a certification to the employee. I just cannot figure out how
I thought of an implementation, ( if its possible ) where client will trigger the smart contract with some employee-specific data, and the smart contract will generate a custom token, which will then be sent to the employee's account. This token will be non transferable1
Does it say something about a company if many of the devs in the team are employee-turned-consultants kept working in the same role?7
So, I have this colleague (tho he is a student in my company, while I'm an employee), who wants to build a site, but doesn't want to learn how to build one...
I literally gave him everything one needs, yet he still complains about it not working the way he wants...
He literally does one out of 3 things:
- play shitty games and cheats in them
- attempt to build a site without understanding the "why does it work?"
- bother me with dumb questions that have been asked 1000000 times on StackOverflow...
I join a company last few weeks ago, there is a cultural where new employee need to share 3 secrets to satisfy them in upcoming Christmas party. Any suggestions? I have totally no idea~6
I have been using the same silver spoon for 6 years. It sits in my drawer used and waiting for it's next mission. Have often thought of washing it in the lounge, but then I'd bump into people who excitedly introduce themselves and ask if I'm a new employee...I've been here 9 years.
Have never washed it, perhaps I'll get a big spoon to accompany my dirty spoon...2
"The employee handbook has gone paperless starting this year to help the environment! Please print out the acknowledgement form and deliver to HR that you acknowledge receiving the enclosed PDF of the handbook."2
*generic, flaming hyperbole about software lacking preferred features*
*over-glorifying opinion on preferred software and its superior implementations of features offered by hated product*
*actually employee of software #2's company*
So the restaurant I work for get interns to "revamp" the employee website (says so right on the page). The site didnt work the first couple days they had it up. Then it was fine for a week. Now everyone is getting a 404. I had thought about working as a software engineer for home office, but now Im not sure I want to since they cant even get a website working correctly for more than a week.
My company wanted me to make a signature for the google mail employee accounts but google said its too long even though the limit is at 10,000 symbols and it only had 300 letters visble with 3 images. Then I realized that google counts all the html stuff as symbols. I spent the entire day on optimizing the signature and wondering why it didnt fuckn work until I sent an email with a shorter version and looked at the source code. 9000 symbols. What the fuck google. No more computer stuff for today. Brain is #Fried