Life Modifiers!

Please contact your optician. Hahahahaha

*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*

Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"

Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"

Mom: *looks confused*

"I also want to use Fesabook on it"

Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*

*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*

Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"

*One hour later*

*Mom calls*

"Son, I think the laptop broke"

Me: "What? What happened?"

Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)

Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"

Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"

Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."

Mom: "What a ripoff"

*Hangs up the phone*

What the flying fuck?

*client calls in*

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.

*click*

😶

-When using Windows
Butthurt Geeks: "You suck, use Linux!"

-When using Ubuntu
Butthurt Geeks: "You suck, use Arch! (or anything that isn't based in mainstream Ubuntu ) "

-When using Atom
Butthurt Geeks: "You suck, don't use the mouse!"

-When using Vim
Butthurt Geeks: "You suck, use Emacs!"

Really, do you always have to force everyone to use the toys that you are using?

"Got a cool idea! Need to check if it is possible. "

*Proceeds to do some research on the internet*

"Oh great! A thread about it from two years ago! It must have the solution there!"
...

*It was me creating the thread two years ago*

Mfw

Me: 'im doing frontend here, i wont bother with the server stuff'
Pm: 'ok'

...

Me: 'here i finished the full stack because the backend team is a bunch of jackasses'
Pm: 'did you set up the server?'

...

Me: 'no because its not my job'
Pm: 'you have to do it'

Sometimes it makes me wonder if he even knows how programming works.

How cute *_*

I was in a public place on my laptop, and my laptop went into hibernation to save battery. I switched it back on and then the laptops BIOS came up saying that the battery was critically low, nothing bad here.

Instead of clicking continue, I decided to press "Diagnostics" instead. The diagnostics immediately began to run in the BIOS.

The screen began to show different coloured bars and patterns, obviously a screen test. Then a prompt appeared asking me if coloured bars were displayed. The options were yes and no, and a button saying "Exit" in the top right. Me, not wanting to do a full diagnostics on such a low battery, pressed exit.

The screen turned black, and then flashed red. The beeper on the motherboard began to beep at an ear-piercing volume. It sounded as if it was a bomb about to go off. Everyone around me stared and some people began to even panic. I tried switching it off by holding the power button but nothing was happening. People were just staring all around me.

After about 10 seconds, the beeping stopped and the screen displayed an error message similar to this:
"CRITICAL ERROR: Monitor test FAILED.
No user input was provided."

Moral of the story: Make your program account for all possible options.

Best DHCP server ever.

When you spend too much time in your car

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

Recruiters at it again...

Running windows command in bash and vice versa.

My sister got me some stickers as a birthday present but she didn't know where to buy them. So she painted a gift card instead...😮

Got 2 Computers and 2 Laptops

1 is using Elementary OS
1 is using Arch
1 is using Linux Mint
1 is using OSX
And 0 Windows

Feels good man!

I'm the git master in my group for a uni project as I am the only one with some experience.
This is what I have to deal with

Good news: Today my app reached 1 million daily users. 😃😃😃💰

Bad news: It started out as a side project and my shitty code is not scaling well at all. 🙃

Might be old, but still

😯😯😯

EVERYTIME!!

Dear Skype,

Had a good laugh on this one

[via https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/...]

I'm not sure if my in-laws know me really well, or if they are secretly plugged into Github and are making a comment on my code.

Best : learning git

Worst : couldn't solve merge conflicts in git

When I opened devRant today

Saw this on insta thought it was pretty funny

That '==true' is the only reason I won't buy this for my child 😂

Just applied to a new job with this as my cover letter.
Wish me luck!