Ah yes. Fuck you

!rant
It‘s just amazing how much a proper type system and a modern language makes refactoring a good dev experience.

I had a boss I hated. Couldn’t stand him. Then I got a call saying my dad had collapsed and was at the hospital. I went into his office and told him I had to go because my dad was in the hospital.

“Why are you telling me?” he said. “Get the hell out of here.”

I looked at him quite differently after that.

I crocheted a cat again, with less horrifying results.

I tried to crochet a pusheen.

It didn’t turn out the way I envisioned. “Maybe googly eyes will help!”

…. I have had mixed comment on whether it makes it better or worse. 😅

I miss my cat

How can I feel so smart and so dumb at the same time?

This is the most useful website ever.

https://opensourcealternative.to//

colleague in a planning meeting: so now it's Easter, which in Germany is public holidays on friday and monday
PM: i as a manager would find it great if there weren't any public holidays

yeah not surprised, but thank fuck you're not the one to decide that... some people are trying to have a life^^

Manager: THE SERVER IS DOWN THE SERVER IS DOWN!!!!

Dev: Ok I’ll look into it

*5 mins later

Dev: Wow these are really strange logs, it’s like config values are being changed all over the place while I’m looking at it

Manager: Well I figured while you were looking into it I’d go i to the server settings and change everything I could find in order to try and get the server back up again. Two sets of hands are better than one, Is it up yet???

Dev: …No.

Manager: I THOUGT YOU SAID YOU’D LOOK INTO THIS. I NEED ANSWERS NOW. WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?!?

Dev: …

Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!

Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...

Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.

Meanwhile:

Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!

Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES

Management: ...

Dev: ...

Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"

fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks

jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymore

Microsoft teams is garbage. That is all.

Does anyone else suddenly loose the ability to type properly as soon as someone is watching/pairing?

Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server

Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?

Manager: Yes

Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?

Manager: Yes

Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket

Manager: What’s so funny?

Dev: Nothing

Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.

Why hello there, your profile mentions you're not looking for an offer and lists PHP as a technology you don't want to work with.
Boi, are you in luck, cause I have that sweet PHP offer for you

I’m so stupid for not starting a Youtube channel or buying Bitcoin.

If you don't let the company enslave you then you're not a team player.

Also, you're definitely NOT flexible!

surprise API

3rd week at my first developer job. Did a couple PRs with the help of my mentor. Still feel absolutely useless. I feel like a complete imposter.

Family reaction story to me being a dev?

- My dad still refers to my profession as 'something in computers'.
- My older sister goes to her weirdo friends for technical advice because she thinks all I do is fill paper in printers (that's a long TL;DR story about a phone upgrade)
- My brother, a car mechanical genius thinks what I do is near God-like. He also races cars and can blabber on about the physics, aero-dynamics, weight ratios, etc and says "Oh, no way. I'm too stupid to do what you do." Then I'm like, "Dude, shut up, I can barely change my oil and you could replace an engine blindfolded", then he just laughs "Yea, probably."
- Baby sister just wants me to fix her phone. "Can you make <insert some random app> do <insert a random behavior the app was never designed to do>?". I'm like "Uh no, I didn't write Instagram", then she's like "I thought you went to school for computers?".
- My mom passed way (long battle with cancer). I'm sure she'd be proud, but still asking me to how to switch the channel so she could watch a movie on the VCR.
I can clearly see having this conversation with my mom.
Me: "Mom, why are you still using a VCR? I bought you a subscription to Netflix"
Mom: "Net what? Do I turn the dial to channel 2 or 3?"
Me: "No, its the Netflix button on the remote."
Mom: "Can't you come over and do this? I just want to watch my shows. Didn't you go to school to learn these things?"
Me: "No mom, that's not...um...never mind. I'll be right over."

HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO MAKE A BASHRC LIKE PROFILE FOR WINDOWS POWERSHELL

FUCK

Is success luck or hard work?

“Success is luck.”
— the guy who spent 13 hours a day learning for four years straight before the success came

“Success is definitely luck.”
— the guy who sold his soul, become obsessed and traded his social life for skills

“Success is hard work”
— the trust fund baby who barely learned anything through his “career”

Best joke in physics😂

LinkedIn must add a laughing reaction.

Isn’t it amazing how every company is ranked one of the best places to work? Amazing.

> make a merge request
> it gets reviewed one month later
> "I can't accept it there's too many conflicts"

Well wouldn't you say that, maybe next time try accepting the MR when I make it and see how that goes

We study a lot to learn how to write code and the most satisfying thing in this profession is to delete code.

I'm finally speaking in meetings :)

Me: I prefer to make sure dev is fully separated from prod, that way if we fuck up, it doesn't matter.

Manager: It's fine, the service isn't fully deployed and dev/prod are named differently.

Me: runs ansible script to stop dev
*prod breaks*

Me: Huh. Wonder why that happened.

Corporate IT: Here at Company A we are very proactive about CyberSecurity!

Dev: What is our cybersecurity plan?

Corporate IT: If any breaches happen we will terminate those involved and discontinue use of the offending product

Dev: That sounds reactive to me

Corporate IT: 😡 It’s proactive actually as we put together that plan of action BEFORE anything happened!

Dev: …