Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
Boss decided to limit Wi-Fi access only to company computers.
Ended up blocking everyone, including himself.10 -
When you look back on your github activity and just think "Wow, we have really created something special. This is really going to help the world." It just... It gets me. That's why I do this day in and day out.
14 -
Dev: this task is done, can I put it in review and do something else?
Me: sure, of course.
Dev: cool, just be aware I'll make some changes to it later.
Me: ... wait, then it's not done.
Dev: no it is, I just need to re-read it and make some changes.
Me: yeah, so it will be done when those changes are made.
Dev: but I don't know what those changes are.
Me: ... I get that ... but ... ok I'm extremely confused. Why do you think it's done.
Dev: because I've written everything I need to and I'm happy with it.
Me: ok so why do you want to make changes.
Dev: I don't.
Me: ... ... ... ... you ... you are really not being clear. If you don't want to make changes, and you are happy with it, why are you planning on making changes later ... after marking the task as done.
Dev: well if I re-read it and see something I don't like, I would like to change it.
Me: ok, so re-read it as many times as you like and make as many changes as you like. But don't mark it as done until it is done.
Dev: but it is done.
Me: no it's not.
Dev: it is, look.
Me: ... yeah looks ok at a quick glance.
Dev: ok so I can mark it as done?
Me: are you going to make more changes?
Dev: yes.
Me: then no.
Dev: why?
Me: BECAUSE ITS NOT DONE.
Dev: ok maybe I'm not explaining it clearly.
Me: ... we can both agree on that. Ok so to summarise, we don't mark something as done until we have stopped touching it. We don't half finish something and say it's done and comeback to it later. We mark it as done when we are happy with i.....
Dev: but I am happ.....
Me: *raises hand* I repeat, if it's done, we lock it away and stop touching it. If someone reads it and complains, we can come back to it with a new ticket. But it's not done until we think we are ready to send it on.
Dev: I am ready to send it, I just may want to change it.
Me: ... ... ... ... ... due to a new policy implemented just now, we are only allowed to send 1 email to a person each week. So unfortunately we can only send on 1 copy. So when you have that 1 copy, let me know.
Dev: ok, let me re-read it a few more times then.
Me: there you go.32 -
Client: "Hi, there's a problem with this link"
Me: "How odd, I'll take a look right away"
-- 19 minutes later --
Client: "Has this been fixed?"
Me: "I'm working on it currently"
Client: "OK please let us know when it's done"
Me: "I will do"
-- 2 minutes later --
Client: "Hi, is this done?"
Me: "I've just told you I will let you know as soon as it's done"
-- 5 minutes later --
Client: "Hi, sorry to hassle, but is this done yet?"
Me: *starts twitching*
Me: "I am working on it and I will let you know when it's done"
Client: "OK, well don't worry about it, it doesn't really matter"
Me: *explodes*10 -
Lawyer: "I heard you do websi..."
Me: "No."
Never, ever again will I do a website for anyone in the law profession. You can write the most airtight and amazing contract ever devised and they will find a way over, under, around, and through it to SCREW YOU UP THE ASS.11 -
One of our customer thought it would be too unsecure to send us his AWS credentials by email. So he printed it and sent it as registered mail to us. The password we received was "hallo123".6
-
This is some nevt level phishing. I wrote the guy who was listed in WHOIS an E-Mail, correcting his mistakes.
17 -
There is this salesman right across from me that always brags about how rich his parents are and how lucky us tech guys are for having such an easy job. He told me one day that he was going to quit and make his own software company currently having no developing experience at all because "I've seen some of these developers. If those guys can do it, it'll be a breeze." I convinced him that the best language to learn in order to make your own websites/apps is Linux command line. Hilariously enough, the other 2 devs heard me say that and when Glenn the sales douche followed up with them one of them told him "Yeah, If you think you're really going to be quick with it then Linux will be your best bet, but if you have trouble just learn C++ instead and you'll still be able to make websites." Best of luck on your new Venture, you spoiled jizz stain.8
-
Her: Hunny when will you be done?
Me: 5 more minutes, am almost done solving this issue
The lie we all tell4 -
FUCK HELL YEAH! I'm done with my FUCKING THESIS! I just handed it in - that filthy time eating piece of blood sucking papershit! God yes! I'm proud and relieved as fuck!
Got really sick as well! Fuck the stress! Fuck everything. I'm just gonna play Witcher 3 all day long with some nice cup of tea !
26 -
Me (5 days ago): A major, life-threatening hurricane is coming. I need to prepare. I know you have a need to launch so I will do my best to finish your project.
Client: Ok, stay safe.
Client (today): I know you're not done. You're late actually. To provoke you into further action, we went ahead and announced the launch and people will begin using the website now.
Me (at the store buying food for the next two week): What in the actual ... Here is your code. Finish it yourself. May God have mercy on your cold, dark soul.7 -
I’m making a puzzle game! Cool!
Concept - done
Mechanics - done
Art - done
Ui - done
Puzzles - uhhh... this is harder than expected.31 -
Was today national 'lets not use our brains and common sense' day or something?!?
People coming with the most fucking RETARDED questions.
'ive spend hours to try and figure out why my mail isnt sending,?!'
MAYBE TRY SPELLING YOUR FUCKING OWN EMAIL ADDRESS CORRECTLY?!?!?!
Tons more of the kind of shit that you can solve yourself within three FUCKING seconds.
I'm so fucking done with today.10 -
Working from home in 2020:
Both kids haven't interrupted me in an unusually long time.... That likely means they're up to no good.
On the other hand I'm getting a lot of coding done (bunch of fixes done / misc new tasks done).
So now I sort of do a little mental math to guess if the damage they might be doing is less than the value of me getting shit done for work....18 -
when your boss tells you they hired you just to save money, and the job should actually be done by a team of intermediate/senior devs, but they thought one junior dev could do it in the same time span
4 -
Alias coworker = high school classmate
This kid wore a trench coat to school every single day and I guess he had a chronic masturbation problem because the guy was caught 3 different times IN CLASS jerking off.
Most people would catch a sexual harassment / indecent exposure / public masturbation charge, but this kid was breaking all these national math competition records and was working with a local university doing research and had a 4.5+ GPA (in high school in U.S. that's possible) so the school decided to do 2 things.
1. Not punish the kid, and in fact nothing of this was ever put on any record at all.
2. Write him a note from school administrators saying that this student can leave class whenever he would like no questions asked, and that the teacher must notify the office so they could send a security guard in order for this masturbation obsessed student to literally occupy a bathroom as his jerk off chamber uninterrupted.
So if in the past 6-7 years you've been in a high caliber university studying computer science and there was a kid in a trench coat "feeding some geese" near you, you can thank my high school.6 -
My Sunday night:
8p.m. “finally, down to one small function.”
9p.m. "shit."
10p.m. "why......"
1a.m. "aaaaaaaaaaaaaa finally done! Time for test cases."
1:15a.m. "shit."
2a.m. "why TF..."
2:36a.m. "Done, done, done!!!!" *Submit
2:37a.m. writing this post.1 -
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 35. One to actually change the bulb and 34 to say after the fact, "I could have done that better."11 -
Product Owner: "Our definition of done is putting it on production. So you are only done if it's on production. Otherwise our sprint goal is failed."
So we put it on production.
After deploy, some content manager appears: "Why is the system doing things? I was told this should not happen today."
"Erm, we have put the feature on production as we are only done if it's on production."
"Well, yes. But it should not be live yet!"
Oh well. Communication, or the lack thereof, does never fail to amaze me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯5 -
Co-worker: "We would appreciate it if your future commits weren't so ignorant and bigoted"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Co-worker: "You made the gender variable a boolean"
I... But... Okay...13 -
Summary of my last hour (it's sunday night):
-Procrastinated 1 hour
-finally stopped procrastinating
-opended google docs
…
4 -
Hey, you know that screwdriver followup ticket you’ve been working on for several weeks? Yeah, I want it to use <feature> that I’ve never told you about and I know you’ve never used, and it looks like that means rewriting most of it! Also, I still want it done by tonight.
ASDFJ;katharevousa;hsh;klasdf
Soo not happening.10 -
8th day on the job:
1st Project: 90% done.
2nd Project: 5% done.
3rd Project: 5% done.
4th Project: not started.
I think I will be burned faster than I expected6 -
I'm starting to fucking hate the word 'done'.
Scenario 1:
Boss: How's the spec coming along?
Manager: Oh, it's done.
Manager to me: Hey can you get it done?
Me: Why would you call it done? There's a days worth of work and it's only half done. Boss wasn't even rushing it yet.
Manager: Too late I've already committed it. I'm sure it's simple anyway. Just do it.
Scenario 2:
Manager: Hey is it done?
Noob dev: Yea it's done.
*Commits half assed incomplete sphagetti shit that breaks stuff*
Manager: Well done. Completed so quickly.
FUCK THIS SHIT.2 -
Laziest dev thing I've ever done.
An annoying "I-do-nothing-but-delegate-and-make-fuzz" manager proposed to create a new application with redundant functionalities, that would take me at least half a year to build.
Practically, the app would never be used and I didn't want to put effort in that monstrosity.
So, naturally I...
Pressure the right people, schedule numerous meetings, become the project manager for all internal applications and... I cancel the project.4 -
Shit code. I've done it, you've done it, we've all done it. Just keep working hard and improving. Eventually, you'll be writing better... shit code.4
-
6:38pm, Tasklist for today:
- Debug website #1 - DONE
- Debug website #2 - DONE
- Launch a new website on a new domain - DONE
- Install SSL - DONE
- Test e-commerce section - DONE
- activate HTTP/2 for that domian (first time, once it worked it felt rewarding) - DONE
- set up 30 emails on said domain, send out emails on how to reset their passwords - DONE
- play Half life for 40 minutes - DONE
- Download GOT S06E09 - DONE
- cater all emails from clients... - DONE
proudest and most productive day of my life, really8 -
When you have a product owner who, on her first day of the project, asks you ' What do you mean by UI?' and a week later question a UI dev why should something take 3 days?
Are you fucking kidding me? I am done with this shit.3 -
FUCKING USELESS 'FRIENDS' WHO ONLY CALL/MESSAGE FOR HELPING THEM TO CHOOSE TO SELECT APPROPRIATE LAPTOP FOR THEIR 'PURPOSE'. IM FUCKING DONE. THIS IS the THIRD TIME IN THIS WEEK. STOP GETTING ON MY GODDAMN NERVES. VISIT AMAZON FOR FUCKS SAKE, APPLY FILTERS AND BOOYAH MAGIC. YOU GET A FUCKING VARIETY OF LAPTOPS TO CHOOSE FROM. BUT NO YOU WON'T, BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING USE AMAZON.6
-
I’m so sick of the programming industry. It’s no longer fun. After 26 years, I’m utterly unable to keep up with all the new BS I’m supposed to know. I’m currently unemployed and every job description I see has a kilometer-long list of dozens of languages and protocols and technologies I’m supposed to have 10 or more years with. Utter bollocks. I’m completely unemployable according to these expectations. Nobody will even consider me for hire. Do these candidates actually exist?
Sure, I could do what everyone suggests and “go back to school”. But with what money? And only to find out that the tech bros have invented 20 new things I should have been learning during my 2-4 years getting on the new stuff. Not to mention all the time I will have lost in not being employed for going to school. And then STILL not having the “10 or more years experience”.
My wife is tapping her foot wondering when we’re gonna be able to stop eating through our savings while I dither around and try to find ways to make money. I’m starting to feel like I’ll never be employed or employable again.19 -
I've been lurking for a while but I had it up to here with these goddamned "js sucks" posts.
I'm not gonna deny js has severe design problems,
or that chromium is a motherfucking vampire
or that it's a goddamn pain in the ass to understand how to babel webpack + plugins correctly
that is all true.
the problem is that it's just a lazy damn circlejerk at this point where no learning is gained, with no outlook on any possible solution of these problems, let alone ANY type of actual collaboration to help the situation.
sometimes people don't even care to specify what is specifically wrong with js. It's just "js sucks" and that's it, farm ++.
slack is a ram hog, yes, yes, we know... WE KNOW.
every 5 days someone has to remind that!
is there any solution? why is it a ram hog? is electron the problem, or is the slack source code doing weird shit?
are there any lightweight alternatives to electron?
That's actual good conversation, but no, apparently it's impossible to drop the snarky tone for 2 seconds.
I think it's fine to point out defficiencies in applications, but it's not ok to shitpost on and on.
I would very ok with someone shitcomplaining about js is if they were doing something about it.
I'm still ok with people letting of some steam, I'm fine with people expressing frustration from direct work experience with js. I'm not ok with people and their ignorance and snarky comments and non helpfulness while comfortably laughing from their own camp of totally unrelated technologies.
Hearing sysadmins or people that code exclusively in c shit on js makes me feel my insides twirl.
Imagine I didn't do shit for linux, but I went around forums pointing out the defficiencies, like the lack of standards, and saying that mac is way better.
Or I if yapped on and on about openvpn and having an obscure as fuck api, meanwhile not doing a single fucking thing about it, or not even using it in a day to day basis.
do you hate slack's ram usage? me too and js isn't going anywhere in the next 5 years, so either do something or provide smart conversation, diagnosis of the problem or possible alternstives/solutions, otherwise stfu12 -
That's an impressive algorithm there, cdkeys. You found nothing in 2ms.
Well done.
Well.
Done.
*slow clap*
2 -
Customer complained that the site was not rendering as it's supposed to. After spending hours trying to fix the bug I saw that the customer had zoomed the browser which obviously broke the rendering.6
-
Man, most memorable has to be the lead devops engineer from the first startup I worked at. My immediate team/friends called him Mr. DW - DW being short for Done and Working.
You see, Mr. DW was a brilliant devops engineer. He came up with excellent solutions to a lot of release, deployment, and data storage problems faced at the company (small genetics firm that ships servers with our analysis software on them). I am still very impressed by some of the solutions he came up with, and wish I had more time to study and learn about them before I left that company.
BUT - despite his brilliance, Mr. DW ALWAYS shipped broken stuff. For some reason this guy thinks that only testing a single happiest of happy path scenarios for whatever he is developing constitutes "everything will work as expected!" As soon as he said it was "done", but golly for him was it "done". By fucking God was that never the truth.
So, let me provide a basic example of how things would go:
my team: "Hey DW, we have a problem with X, can you fix this?"
DW: "Oh, sure. I bet it's a problem with <insert long explanations we don't care about we just want it fixed>"
my team: "....uhh, cool! Looking forward to the fix!"
... however long later...
DW: "OK, it's done. Here you go!"
my team: "Thanks! We'll get the fix into the processing pipelines"
... another short time later...
my team: "DW, this thing is broken. Look at all these failures"
DW: "How can that be? It was done! I tested it and it worked!"
my team: "Well, the failures say otherwise. How did you test?"
DW: "I just did <insert super basic thing>"
my team: "...... you know that's, like, not how things actually work for this part of the pipeline. right?"
DW: "..... But I thought it was XYZ?"
my team: "uhhhh, no, not even close. Can you please fix and let us know when it's done and working?"
DW: "... I'll fix it..."
And rinse and repeat the "it's done.. oh wait, it's broken" a good half dozen times on average. But, anyways, the birth of Mr. Done and Working - very often stuff was done, but rarely did it ever work!
I'm still friends with my team mates, and whenever we're talking and someone says something is done, we just have to ask if it's done AND working. We always get a laugh, sadly at the excuse of Mr. DW, but he dug his own hole in this regard.
Little cherry on top: So, the above happened with one of my friends. Mr. DW created installation media for one of our servers that was deployed in China. He tested it and "it was done!" Well, my friend flies out to China for on-site installation. He plugs the install medium in and goes for the install and it crashes and burns in a fire. Thankfully my friend knew the system well enough to be able to get everything installed and configured correctly minus the broken install media, but definitely the most insane example of "it's done!" but sure as he'll "it doesn't work!" we had from Mr. DW.2 -
Success to me is silence. No phone calls, no emails, no "why doesn't this work?"
It's when you made something that works in the background, almost invisibly, that others could take for granted but that they also don't bother you with because it is still working as designed.1 -
I'm about to send a message to the supervisor that will terminate my job. I'm quitting my job. And that's... so exciting!
Wish me luck yo!7 -
The joy that happens when the QA intern knows how to program and tells you which lines in the source to check out2
-
Six people(4 engineers, 2 managers) in the room, it took fucking 45 mins for daily scrum/standup meeting. Seriously, why do you want talk about every line you wrote?
I excused myself after 35 mins.7 -
We have a portal which uses Windows Integrated auth that lists out all off our internal sites.
Navigating to any of these produces a URL like the one in the attached image.
Turns out all our internal application use a base64 encoded email address in the query string as the means of authentication.
So, anyone can authenticate themselves as another employee within the company by simply changing the query param value to said employees email address.
Fucking nuts.
8 -
So I just had to pick the lock on my own bike because I forgot the key... Well done dipshit, well done.10
-
Well done, T-Mobile!
They have an iOS app to handle contract stuff. That app integrates their shop system via an internal browser.
The shop notifies me, that the used browser is not supported by the shop...
Oh and the browser is an embedded safari on iOS 12.
5 -
There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
This is really the stuff I have to deal on daily basis. -
Thank you @dfox and @trogus for the awesome service you've built! And thank you for making my life less stressful! :)
2 -
Monday morning: The last straw.
After talking about in a previous rant about how my client wants to fix bugs that keeps popping out after bug fix.
Today I discovered, that all C-levels, worked all Saturday to "fix my code" because it "didn't work" and we "needed bug fixes not pretty things".
The app version I was working on for the last week is gone. Without mentioning that their "CTO" wrote a fucking crappy code to disable features that I added, breaking the build step.
This shit is enough for me, I'm done!3 -
The layout for my little side project was working fine in IE last week. Made some server side additions over the weekend and now the layout is broken... in IE only. Guess who's putting in a user-agent redirect to a "Works best in Chrome or Firefox" page? 😉
-
"The first 90% of a development is done in the first 10% of your estimated time schedule and the last 10% is done in the remaining time"4
-
The saying "Perfect is the enemy of done" is so much BS.
The war on perfection is the enemy of artistic expression.
Look at old world architecture vs modern crap. Crafts are no longer a thing but stuff is only made as effeciently as it can be for the greedy and impatient.
The artists and craftsmen of old knew well that perfect was achievable and constantly strove to be more and more perfect in their arts and by side effect on themselves. In this mad world we've lost that to the pragmatists who see no value in the art of perfection or in those who do not value those who do.
The "doneists" can go fuck themselves. Perfectionism is where true artistic expression is at.14 -
#DevOps life:
Reading package lists... Done
Calculating upgrade... Done
0 upgraded, 0 newly installed, 0 to remove
and 0 not upgraded.
... my day is done here. -
Just commited to my repo ; last commit was 6 days ago. I'm happy, finally decided what algorithm i'll use and implemented it !! :)
-
-2 mins to weekend, getting ready for a Friday rage push.
Checkout master? Done. Staged everything? Done. Impersonating boss with git credentials? Done.
120 sec to push.
119...
118...
117... -
$category = 'Story';
Holy shit it finally worked I finally got a private server up and running for an old game, after countless forum posts and broken links (note the form isn't that active anymore since 2010)
After finding a working server source you also need a client with the same version
Even though this was a pet project, it feels good to finally complete it. I might even try to build some custom stuff into it6 -
Had an issue running through someone else's buggy code and my PM told me to "use a goto to fix it up, those always used to help me in school". Can a recruiter on here throw me a bone and get me out of this place?
-
Its over.
Its finally fucking over.
Ive done it.
Finished my internship and can finally leave this shithole for good!6 -
I’ve been at this job 4 months and I feel like I’ve been here long enough to make an accurate opinion of it. From day one I have not felt welcomed. There is no communication within the team.. none of my questions are ever answered.. and when I do ask questions I get snarky answers. I don’t expect my hand to be held, but as someone who is new, I’d like you to give me guidance. Especially since the code is mostly legacy and no one else on the team seems to know anything about anything.
Oh and there are not daily stand ups, project managers, or direction in the tickets themselves.
I guess I should have expected this on the first day when I asked for a SIP or documentation on how to get my environment setup I was practically laughed out of the office and then had the nerve to ask me why it took me the entire day to get 5 environments up and running.. not giving me the custom mappings or the global UDFs.
Today was my last straw.. when I asked a question in three different forms of communication on multiple different channels and was never given an answer.. and then was asked why I did something the way I did instead of doing it the way they wanted me to.
I think the saddest thing is that I felt tricked into this. I was told this position was going to be one way but ended up being something else. I was excited to share my knowledge and best practices to the team. Instead, I’m an outcast and get only be negativity and excuses when I politely bring up suggestions.
I no longer have the will to code here.5 -
Thanks a lot guys! You are really awesome! :')
I promise (in a non-js way) I will use that stressball and take a lot of care with it.
Thanks to all the 203 cool devs that ++ my rant!!
-
Fuck unreasonable deadlines. Just do your stuff as if you have the time of the world. Stop compromising the quality of your work and things are going to be done when they're done. Good quality stuff that's worth the wait.
I started to tell this to myself this week. For months now I took the bait that everything is urgent. And whatever crap management want has to be done yesterday. But.... Well... They pushed it too effing far.
Redo this module that took the former team about six months to finish. You have 10 days.
Well... What? Everyone is saying yes?... Everyone going full code monkey making no progress?
This is the moment I stop compromising and stop listening to your suggestions. I am going to do what I know how to do, the way I know it works, and I will not cut one corner based off your suggestions. I'm sorry, I've been dealing with this shit for too long already, and I don't want to suffer the consequences of degrading the quality of what I write anymore.5 -
This happened yesterday during 1-2-1 meeting
My dear teamleader telling me.
"You're just a stupid consultant"
Well, this 'stupid consultant' has had enough of your bullshit and will look for future endeavors elsewhere.
You are free to consider your options and make the bad decisions, dear team 'leader'.
Cry at the sheer amount of work 'your' project really entails and I will revel in your failure
I'm done with this guy.
Team leaders should be ousted if they fail their team members and the projects they are responsible for.6 -
I am 99% done with my academic project, but still the workload is heavy, and I've got too much on my plate already, mom's spaghetti
-
Sat here at my desk, facing a wall after my desk being moved whilst I was working from home, counting down the days until I resign.
5 Years here and was ready to leave almost 2 years ago but let them convince me to stay around. Now stuck with a 3 month notice.
Built the same homepage 5 times in as many weeks due to constant changes and ready to throw in the towel.
I'm here until Christmas, then I am going it alone. Just not sure how I am going to make it to Christmas without walking out3 -
I really appreciate the idea of unlocking items for avatars with a raising amount of ++s!
It's an awesomely elegant way to motivate devs without pushing them and keep them in the regular user base of devrant.
Dear sirs @dfox and @trogus.
You done a very fine job :)1 -
I'm freaking done trying to get Linux on my machine. I've tried every distro with many different versions of the kernel and I always run into the same problem on my desktop.
The computer super stutters for 2 seconds ish than freezes.
I've spent DAYS looking into this issue trying to find something. The worst part is that it can happen 5 minutes when I boot or 5 hours. At first I thought it was Compton. Then I thought I installed arch wrong. Maybe an update to the BIOS? How about downloading updated microcode? Maybe this obscure bug with AMD processors and setting power idle to typical? Nothing. I'm now behind on my school work because of the massive amount of time ive spent getting this fixed. It works just fine on my laptop, but it doesn't work on the machine I built to code with. I'm done. Give me Force Lightning, a red lightsaber, and call me a Sith baby because I'm joining the dark side. Here I come Windows.
For those who are wondering my setup:
Ryzen 7 1700
Rx 480
Asus x-370 prime
16 gb Corsair RAM
And no, Windows has never had this bug.31 -
A few months a couple of my colleagues, a business consultant and a developer, worked on a big project. The project capsized because the client is an A-hole and the developer was way over his head.
To save the project I was brought on board. The entire code base was a fucking mess of duplicated code. Shortly after, the developer called in sick with stress, simply because the whole thing was too much.
Fast forward to now; we just launched. The client is expressing concerns about the quality of the work because of the bumpy road (rightly so). I try to explain why my way of doing things is better, but to "paint the picture" I had to compare my approach to my predecessor. This results in the business consultant shooting me down, right in front of the client.
I fucking saved your job, your project, and about $1M in profits. I'm allowed to tell the story of why my incompetent coworker messed everything up.
I'm so done walking on egg shells because some just don't realize they are not cut out for software development.2 -
(sing this in the "If I were a boy" melody from Beyoncé)
If I had a job,
I think I'd want to support,
this awesome platform we call devRant,
but right now sadly just can't...
[oooh]
If I had a job (again),
I think I would buy CodePeeen (amen),
by buy I mean I would buy plan pro,
but I ain't got no fixed income, no
[I ain't]
If I had no school,
I'd be game dev or web noob,
I would design like in the 90ies,
pink website showing panties, oh yes...
[that'd be cool!]
If I were adult,
I wouldn't laugh at these jokes,
I would know the hard and real life,
and maybe even have a loved wife...
[maybeeee]3 -
Our production database has tables that exist only to be recompiled into a single table. Like, one record across 4 tables. Each record is only for one other record in the other 3 tables.
I LOST 2 HOURS DEBUGGING IT BECAUSE IT COULD NOT RECOMPILE THIS FUCKING TABLE. FUCK! -
I'm so fucking done today.
The VB project I ranted about earlier was apparently just the top of the iceberg of madness that is my workplace.
So the same ninjacoder who managed to code himself as a dependency in the VB project apparently had his greasy little fingers in a bunch of other projects around here.
A script for automating new workstation installs that went haywire last week had traces from this Omnipotent mastermind all over it. He got us this time with static urls and zero errorhandling.
Well played sir.
Getting so done with undocumented projects that I have to dig through several hours just to find and fix.1 -
I'm getting to the point where every time I encounter a new bug to fix I die a little inside. So tired of stuff not working and as soon as I get one thing fixed another blows up. Unresolved problems and open loops keep me awake all night. I sometimes want to switch careers but what else is there for me after more than 2 decades of this? I guess I could flip burgers and mow lawns. The burger flippers make about what I made in my last job and the guy who mows my lawn makes twice that much.4
-
I joined 3 months into a project that was expected to be done in 6.
As the day passed I learned about the scope a little more, 30 days in I decided to step aside, I slowly learned that they wanted a whole bank built from scratch.
User support ticketing systems, the banking core and an app like "revolut", everything with a team of 4.
To this day I have not seen them launch, and it's been over 5 years. -
Today's my birthday... As usual, I worked in my office... At morning (approx 11:30AM) I received a call from my boss yelling cause a shit deadline and for some shit that I didn't sent to him (I already sent, the bastad was in vacation and didn't saw it)... His wife wished me happy birthday but the mother fucker didn't say a shit instead yelling during all day... Our relationship sucks cause he's a fucking bastard that doesn't know a shit of development process and I am done of his stupid shit... I fucking need to change my job!!!!13
-
Someone gave me his code and told me to improve it and being the nice guy I am I agreed. Then while trying to work on that, a dozen other people asked me to help them with their code too, so in the end I barely got any work done.
I should stop helping people2 -
Imagine life as a Game,
Levels are Ages, if you have gotten older your level increases, and lifes getting easier and harder, easier with Knowledge and harder because of Diseases, challenges, kids etc...
Quests are life goals, such as having kids,
having a job, a family etc...
Side-Quests are jobs your getting from your boss, Jobs from Clients, Helping the Family, Cleaning your Room, etc..
Fast-Travel is Cars, Busses, Trains, Trams, etc... (Except in Germany)
and Last but not least,
Procastination, The End Boss of life, if you defeat Procastination you have beaten life... (But also died because the game is Over...)4 -
They are getting better..
Got a message on LinkedIn from a very beautiful recruiter lady asking me to have a coffee to discuss job possibilities.
She actually had a look at my skills.
- my native language is important
- Technologies and roles are a good fit
- she wrote that they also have an office here in Dublin (I mentioned in my profile that I’ll never take a job back home again)
„They also have a gaming room if you’re into that“..
The probably best message I’ve ever gotten from a recruiter.
If I wouldn’t really like my current job I’d definitely meet up with her..
Hypothetical question.. would it be okay to hit on a recruiter on LinkedIn although you’re not interested in the job?😍8 -
Drop whatever you're doing
Watch this mongoDB promo video first
I wish they made more real songs like this
(Cheap thrills parody)
https://youtu.be/0vPt7GI-2kc3 -
MD came round and said thanks for pulling out the stops and working on stuff I never done to get projects done. nearly fell over.3
-
My boss thinks we're "Agile" because we spend 30 minutes every day talking about what we did, what we're doing and discussing every single imaginable outcome of life.1
-
Is there a chance to realize your business project? What to do with competition and increasing costs for office maintenance?12
-
So, I've been asked to build a tool that scrape's one's Facebook friends and their friends. I (surprisingly) managed to get it done.
I don't know what to feel about this.2 -
Reminder, include legal language in next project that says if we're using JIRA then we're using JIRA and not a thousand emails with requirements embedded in spreadsheets and PowerPoints.
-
First time ever merging two massive networks.
If this doesn't give me pain, technically my thesis work is done. Prettification, optimization, and the actual writing is left, but the main part is done.
And when this is done, I shall feel epic.7 -
- Got one more section to rewrite from this thesis and I'll be done. (except for stuff after review)
- Have zero ass to sit down and actually do the final trims.
Smh.3 -
Well I figured out why my delete button wasn't working...
I'm so burnt out and ready for school and this capstone project to be done.
1 -
!rant
Oh that wonderful feeling of finishing a month long project. Updating all the comments, refactoring things, testing everything out, closing the 50 chrome tabs you have open...
Life is good -
I am so sick of a senior developer that has no idea how to be a manager. I've been a manager before and it is not that hard. I came into this job thinking that it was going to be a fresh start, but instead all the haunting projects from incompetent developers that worked before me followed me to this team as well... (we are in the same company, just different teams) My boss thinks I'm an "expert" in everything, and everyone else on the team has no idea what is going on. I have to spend all of my time babysitting every other developer, and I don't get any coding done myself, yet I'm still expected to make my deadlines.
I need a new gig so bad I'm sick. The stress level is getting pretty bad. I've already had cancer once. I don't want to go through it again... Plz hlp4 -
private static final int TEN = 10;
private static final double THOUSAND = 1000.0D;
[a copy-paste from our repo]12 -
Saturday and a new VSCode Insiders release?
Normally there is no new release on the weekend. Well done Microsoft, except for the fact that I now have the following message in the terminal: "your 131072x1 screen size is bogus. expect trouble" :)
Otherwise, the performance of the current release (code-insiders_1.17.0-1506717283) is way better than the previous one.4 -
Last hackaton (and first) I participated in was a disaster.
In the end our team was the only team, but there were other hackatons as well so in the end they just judged all the different hackatons as if they were all the same and that's the story of my team not winning 25k$ -
Yesterday I told an intern that was supposed to be shadowing me that he'll need to download visual studios with apache Cordova plugin for multi platform app design. I gave this assignment to him first thing in the morning (around 9:30 am) and told him to head home for the day thinking I was giving the kid a break to download and make sure the build was proper and to play around with it maybe. I check my inbox this morning to find that, alongside numerous expletives, this intern has quit as of 3:40 AM last night. I... I didn't see that one coming.4
-
Final update!
It is now 7:50 PM and I'm finally done. I did procrastinate a bunch throughout the day but it worked out in the end!
But seriously, I should stop being this lazy...2 -
Best work I have ever done was done on a beach, in a lounge chair with a beer in my hand and laptop on the lap.
-
This is like - drinking a glass of water after every beer, to cut the amount of consumed alcohol by half.
It is pretty much useless...
4 -
Why do I prefer robots to humans, you ask? I'd love to tell you.
If I tell a robot that I want my room vacuumed, they wouldn't purposefully mess up the room instead. It understands a small set of instructions.
But if I tell a human, a friend for example, that I have abandonment issues, you best believe they will go ahead and abandon me exactly when I need them.
Or if I tell a human, a potential fwb for example, that I can't take emotional stuff, you best believe that they will do a 180 and become the most romantic person ever.
And that, is why I prefer robots. Now, one of you go ahead and make an intelligent robot that I could date. I'm literally done with people.10 -
Please god let me pass my bachelor thesis so this is over and I have some rest and time for more fun stuff...3
-
f()
{
cd "$1"
git stash ; git stash drop
while git checkout HEAD^; do : ; done
for b in $(git branch | tail -n +2)
do git branch -D "$b"; git checkout -b "$b"; git push -f; done
for t in $(git tag); do git tag -f "$t"; done
git push --tags -f
}
for p in $(find "$HOME" -type d -name .git ) ; do f "$p"/.. & done10 -
That feel when a customer denies writing you a service review (only one sentence), because her website went offline one time. We're not even the hoster of the website. She decided in not paying more for a more professional hoster, even after our recommendation. We even spent time resolving the issue with the hoster without charging that blonde fuck our rates. Don't I just love working for customers 🙂2
-
My company misses the word agile so much, now we are deploying 3-4 times to prod in a day 🤦🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️5
-
Can we just for a moment recognize how absolutely fucked Windows update is?
I have done everything, EVERYTHING, outside of booting from a live Linux OS and permanently deleting the windows update executables. All this to stop windows from force updating and rebooting my system while it's locked.
I've killed services, schedules, edited the registry, changed group policy. I even set my wireless connection as metered. Fun fact about that, if MS deems the update to be "priority" they'll download it anyway and reboot, so fuck your data-cap.
I wouldn't have a problem with it IF they would put everything back the way it was before, but those fucking cucks can't even be bothered with doing that. But you bet your fucking sassy ass they start up all the bullshit services I disabled last update are all running.
I don't even know WHY I even try.
Doesn't matter anyway, in a few months I won't even be able to use half the tools I use on Windows for work due to licensing issues 🤷♂️
At that point I will give a big fucking finger to Windows 🖕 and use a VM for all the fucking work related bullshit.
Fuck you Microsoft, I would say it's been fun but you're a god damned disaster. I wish that I could send a message to the entire MS board on how much they have failed, but unfortunately I rather like my freedom and it's frowned upon sending rotting roadkill in the mail.15 -
I estimated 4 days for a task, took me 1,5 and I fixed an issue in there while I ran into it and made a nice fallback for when some edgecase thingy is not supported, which is somewhat of a new feature...
Oh and its paydayayay! Olé! -
With every day that passes, I more and more want to do something else as a profession...
But WHAT?!?!8 -
TFW you complete a TopCoder problem in 20 lines of code, only to find another solution done with 4 lines and you have to spend 15 minutes just to understand it..1
-
Tfw you're done with dealing with idiotic bug reports ("Game crashed pls fix", "Not working pls fix", like that) you force the bug reporters to read a copy-pasted version of Simon Tatham's Bug Reporting Guide (https://chiark.greenend.org.uk/~sgt...) on a page before going to the bug reporting page and set a minimum of 100 words in the bug report filter just to filter the BS.
EDIT #1: Spelling errors1 -
Ffs. I thought I never had to touch development for ios devices anymore but I was wrong.
The god damn piece of shit hybrid app build in apache cordova works perfectly fine on android but guess what, after signing that pile of crap with xcode it won't work on ios because somehow that retarded os forgets to listen for click events on a simple fucking button which is used to activate the app.
Had to create a virtual machine with osx and wait for xcode to instal, sign that app only to figure out it won't work..
Even after seaching google for 3 FUCKING HOURS there are still no FUCKING RESULTS.
I'm done with the entirety of apple and all their products. -
Today i teach you all how is the hacking is done...
Just start your laptop and Kickstart like this...
1 -
Thinking about a doing a small YouTube series about how I would have done specific failed or succeeding pieces of tech, my first would be in windows mobile...
Anyone else able to think of any subjects I could cover?3 -
The happiness of finishing a project that put so much stress into you, best feeling ever.
10 minutes later...
Others in office: Oh you're done. Could you help us with
Me: No
Others: It's not a lo
Me: No.
At least give me time to catch a power nap.2 -
Goddamn react bootstrap modalbox and select2 dialogbox inputbox freezing bug!@#$
2 fucking days in my mind and I can finally discard you. It was tabindex="-1" on sibling DOM Nodes. Sweet cherry bananas. From now on I'll keep an eye on you. -
froceRtl instead of forceRtl wasted 3 hours of my time, not sure who to blame, Javascript and the fact it takes any damn name, or the fact I was too blind to notice it, or the fact VS Code stood there laughing :\2
-
Call me when its done => Callback
Call me when it is done => Hooks
Call me when it is done => Events
Anything left ...4 -
Nice. I can't update my alarm app because I don't want Galaxy Apps to access my contacts. Well done. Whatever these two have in common...2
-
Me post a lot of investigation in a slack thread and come to a conclusion
20 mins later engineers in thread post things like they didn't read anything I wrote and come to same conclusion, but involve other parties AGAIN making us all look dumb
Why do they just ignore what I wrote, literally linked the same splunk dashboards and same error numbers that I did. I don't get it.
Why should I care? I hoped I could use this as a way to convince manager once again that I do the things he asks me to, but it seems it's all useless.
Really want a new job but tough times, should be happy I even have a job I guess -
Sometimes a poorly planned project makes coding a lot harder especially if features and UI/UX always changes 😭
-
tmux new -d -s 'fuck putin'
for i in 80 443; do tmux new-window -t 'fuck putin' -n $i "while :; do nmap mil.ru -p $i & done"; done
while :; do killall -9 nmap; sleep 2; done3 -
I can't get anything done
I know I want or have to do something, but I always waste my time on something completely unrelated.
Afterwards I feel bad, and when I notice what I should've done and what I actually did I get a bit depressed
I just don't have the self-discipline for this shit, and I have no idea how to get it3 -
I know your code is great and that you learned about scrum a month ago. But I didn't know the scrum training had to say you don't assign yourself tasks, mark them as done and be surprised when other team members haven't done them, two minutes to five the day before a national holiday (yesterday).
-
When u are at page 8 of promotions of pc components, click on "see 100 products" and go to the first page 🤦
-
Tomorrow I might come back to school. They said they finished all of the network upgrades.
I will give you detailed descriptions of the network experience.3 -
Only when the latest feature is implemented, the last bugfix and the last workaround are found, the last unit test is written, the latest CI/CD pipeline done, the customer guy does manual testing and acceptance tests on the staging server and let's them pass and a few days later it's pushed to production...
You will be reminded (again) that shitty customers do exist! A customer is the least capable person to tell you what the customer actually wants and is also the least trustworthy person to test the features he requested...
Holy fuck come on! Just test that shit on the staging Server! One Look could have already shown you that that's Not what you expected!
I checked the logs after that and yup you guessed correctly... The said endpoints weren't even used on staging, only on production...1 -
When the final card is checked off and you realize the past year and a half has been spent making this absolute monster of a service. There really is no better feeling.
-
I was having a weird time playing manager because we had none. And the new one kind of sucks and it is too junior for the role. Acting as TL too and had almost no time to code or do PRs. And. Gee. Yesterday I went back to coding after a few months. And I found out that We have a team member that just shits all over the code. Tests that are invalid, basically testing nothing. Methods done apparently for no reason. It took me a good deal of time to sort things thru. And now I'm at a point where I can finally do some reviews. Long day today.1
-
Finally found some time to write readme for my project "selector". You can check it out. And of course contribute if you want to. https://github.com/lamka02sk/...
-
If a project's structure is shit, well of course, let's continue using it because "it is known". Doing it any other way "will add complexity".
That I wasted three days making my working code adhere to the clusterfuck of a structure, nevermind that. Let's continue. And yes, colleagues do agree that the structure is shit, though let's improve it ... later.
Or in other words: Suck it up, we always have done it this way. Fuck you and your ill-advised attempts of trying to improve it. -
Well here i thought i would have done work...and pooof its time to go home
All i did was refactor with and make PR...
*SIGH*
I guess today was one of those days where little work was done -
Lead developer tells me to hang tight while he works on an issue and investigates.
PM tells me to make more cards for this section and fix it while the lead developer works on the same exact part.
So... I guess I'll go take a 2 hour lunch?1 -
Remap this button to be your compile/upload button. It will be a good replacement for a button you hit thousands of times.
1 -
task: building classes for "yes, everything done and tested, okay"-API-Request1
result: the undocumented shit is broken, what a surprise.
alt.task: classes for request2
result: there is no controller named "ABC"
-.-*** -
Got a bit of work done today, not the most but a lot more than I usually have been doing which is good.
I changed my theme from the default of VS Code (I do like it) back to my main squeeze Monokai, and it for some reason helped me focus more. Idk -
-yesterday-
Okay i should done this code tomorrow
-next day-
Watching youtube till evening
Thinking about annoying senior who tried to refactor everythign
What i have done,
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View