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Coding Teacher: "you'll need your laptops for the exam. To prevent you from cheating I'll disable the network now"
...pulls out the network cable on his machine...
"okay you can start now"
🤦🏻♂️17 -
GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.
From a sad true story.8 -
Girlfriend thinks the only reason I feel her breasts is because I don't have a DevRant stress ball 🙈🤔🤓17
-
Me: I’ve been in the web since 2006, of course i know html,css,javascript.
Also me: Google how to center a div.28 -
One day my mum got a call from a man claiming to be from Microsoft. He said there is something wrong with the computer and tried to make her install TeamViewer to "fix" it, but my mum didn't manage to install it for several hours until he gave up.
Sometimes knowing even less can save your PC.7 -
Me: *just playing around with Git on my terminal*
Friend: "Man, you're such a geek, typing your git command on the terminal.. I myself can't use git without the GUI at all"
Me: *stares at him in silence*
Me: "Wait... THERE 'S A GUI FOR THAT?"
*true story when I was in college*44 -
CTO: I heard about this great architecture of microservices. What is it exactly?
Me: it's building many servers with one responsbility each.
CTO: That sound good. But let keep it simple and build only one big microservice.
Me: 😲
(True story from a comapny a worked for)8 -
I had a nightmare that I was running "sudo rm -rf /" on my computers for no reason.
True story.
I woke up yelling.4 -
My first post on devRant. Hope you like it (is a true story)
User : Hey, can you help me with this thumbdrive? Cannot open it
Me: Sure, let me see...
At this time I noticed that the drive was leaking something and smells funny also...
Me: Did you dropped it into water or something liquid?
User: Ehmm. Yes! Washed it with bleach!
Me: But why?
User : Oh! because of viruses.8 -
A true story... sad but true
2.00AM ->> git commit -m "it's time to sleep"
2.45AM ->> git commit -m "I can't sleep, fixed the UI issue"3 -
Oh the project is almost finished?
Here's another feature the client requires before it can be released.
Me: Okay this will take another 2 weeks to implement. Is the client happy with that time frame?
PM: You have 3 days and there's no test time, so test as you go.
Me: .....*quits*
True story, was the last straw.6 -
Me trying to find a good risotto recipe.
Sister-in-law, PhD: What about pumpkin or courgette and salmon?
Me: ...
SIL: ...
Me: Could you add some parentheses?
SIL: (Pumpkin) or (courgette and salmon)?
Me: Much clearer, thanks! Go for courgette and salmon.6 -
My first job: The Mystery of The Powered-Down Server
I paid my way through college by working every-other-semester in the Cooperative-Education Program my school provided. My first job was with a small company (now defunct) which made some of the very first optical-storage robotic storage systems. I honestly forgot what I was "officially" hired for at first, but I quickly moved up into the kernel device-driver team and was quite happy there.
It was primarily a Solaris shop, with a smattering of IBM AIX RS/6000. It was one of these ill-fated RS/6000 machines which (by no fault of its own) plays a major role in this story.
One day, I came to work to find my team-leader in quite a tizzy -- cursing and ranting about our VAR selling us bad equipment; about how IBM just doesn't make good hardware like they did in the good old days; about how back when _he_ was in charge of buying equipment this wouldn't happen, and on and on and on.
Our primary AIX dev server was powered off when he arrived. He booted it up, checked logs and was running self-diagnostics, but absolutely nothing so far indicated why the machine had shut down. We blew a couple of hours trying to figure out what happened, to no avail. Eventually, with other deadlines looming, we just chalked it up be something we'll look into more later.
Several days went by, with the usual day-to-day comings and goings; no surprises.
Then, next week, it happened again.
My team-leader was LIVID. The same server was hard-down again when he came in; no explanation. He opened a ticket with IBM and put in a call to our VAR rep, demanding answers -- how could they sell us bad equipment -- why isn't there any indication of what's failing -- someone must come out here and fix this NOW, and on and on and on.
(As a quick aside, in case it's not clearly coming through between-the-lines, our team leader was always a little bit "over to top" for me. He was the kind of person who "got things done," and as long as you stayed on his good side, you could just watch the fireworks most days - but it became pretty exhausting sometimes).
Back our story -
An IBM CE comes out and does a full on-site hardware diagnostic -- tears the whole server down, runs through everything one part a time. Absolutely. Nothing. Wrong.
I recall, at some point of all this, making the comment "It's almost like someone just pulls the plug on it -- like the power just, poof, goes away."
My team-leader demands the CE replace the power supply, even though it appeared to be operating normally. He does, at our cost, of course.
Another weeks goes by and all is forgotten in the swamp of work we have to do.
Until one day, the next week... Yes, you guessed it... It happens again. The server is down. Heads are exploding (will at least one head we all know by now). With all the screaming going on, the entire office staff should have comped some Advil.
My team-leader demands the facilities team do a full diagnostic on the UPS system and assure we aren't getting drop-outs on the power system. They do the diagnostic. They also review the logs for the power/load distribution to the entire lab and office spaces. Nothing is amiss.
This would also be a good time draw the picture of where this server is -- this particular server is not in the actual server room, it's out in the office area. That's on purpose, since it is connected to a demo robotics cabinet we use for testing and POC work. And customer demos. This will date me, but these were the days when robotic storage was new and VERY exciting to watch...
So, this is basically a couple of big boxes out on the office floor, with power cables running into a special power-drop near the middle of the room. That information might seem superfluous now, but will come into play shortly in our story.
So, we still have no answer to what's causing the server problems, but we all have work to do, so we keep plugging away, hoping for the best.
The team leader is insisting the VAR swap in a new server.
One night, we (the device-driver team) are working late, burning the midnight oil, right there in the office, and we bear witness to something I will never forget.
The cleaning staff came in.
Anxious for a brief distraction from our marathon of debugging, we stopped to watch them set up and start cleaning the office for a bit.
Then, friends, I Am Not Making This Up(tm)... I watched one of the cleaning staff walk right over to that beautiful RS/6000 dev server, dwarfed in shadow beside that huge robotic disc enclosure... and yank the server power cable right out of the dedicated power drop. And plug in their vacuum cleaner. And vacuum the floor.
We each looked at one-another, slowly, in bewilderment... and then went home, after a brief discussion on the way out the door.
You see, our team-leader wasn't with us that night; so before we left, we all agreed to come in late the next day. Very late indeed.9 -
based on true story
> delivered project on time
> giving good performance
> boss noticed
> gives appreciation
> raise in salary
> profit2 -
"Why did you bring Wagyu beef to the meeting?"
"Because the calendar description said: Engineers should proactively add value for our steak holders"
(True story -- They told me to do what management instructs, without correcting anyone and without asking questions. And I love playing that game!)6 -
When you're a junior sysadmin but still have to maintain ALL the production server:
How it looks:
$ sudo apt-get update
How it feels:
& sudo [ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && rm -rf / || echo *Click*7 -
LOL this was actually a true story, it seems she had to delete her twitter account and make a new one! 😂😂😂
10 -
Real and true story of me.
Friend : what was his first pickup lines that melt you ?
Me : nah, he was straight to the point
F : come on, you both always look romantic all the time. there must be something in the beginning. tell me more !
Friend : fine, he said "I Like you, can i i SSH you ?" so i replied "I'm not that complicated, sudo hug me"
F: i regret being your friend.16 -
3 or 4 days before the summer vacations, our teacher came in class and asked us to present whatever projects we've been working on and give a brief description...
Some guys went on the stage, then a few girls,
So being first time on the stage I was pretty nervous and started shaking and sweating a little bit.
I opened up the laptop and project was already open in AS, but had to restart emulator,
but the main thing was, i didn't notice the "blonde lesbians - PornHub" was minimized in the taskbar.
So I opened up cmd and typed "taskill -f -im chrome*" and it vanished. (a little fear increased)
when I finished presentation, some of the students were staring at me, so i made an excuse to go to toilet,
...and I ran out of dept.
after class finished my friends came up to me and said "we saw what was going on there in taskbar" and we laughed.
#NeverEverGoingToDoPresentationEverAgain #TrueStory
6 -
True Story
Happens everytime coz new programmers don't have the patience to read old answers and try to understand them.
I have been programming for 1.5 years and I never needed to ask a single question.
12 -
Time spent creating an error response...
Implementing the response: 5%
Choosing the error message: 95%1 -
True story. During meeting, our manager asked us, how the data flow. Our lead programmer response, "PHP will produce Son of Jay output, and read by Javascript".
Our manager; "Hmm... Interesting"5 -
(On a phone interview)
"So... in the entire span of your professional career, you've never had someone you could call a mentor?"
"Uh, nope, been mostly on my own."
"How did you learn new things?"
"I read a lot of Hacker News."
True story.8 -
Me-
/ / / / / / / / /
if (bool == true)
{
bool = false;
}
if (bool == false)
{
bool = true;
}
/ / / / / / / / /
My friend-
/ / / / / / / / /
bool = !bool;
/ / / / / / / / /
*not a real story*15 -
(sorry if someone's already shared this)
Very true though. I remember very clearly when I was around 10 years old, wondering what all these random symbols on a keyboard were for and what type of person would use them.
I guess I'm that type of person; never would have guessed at the time that my fascination with technology would lead to where I am now.
Anyone here have a cool story to share about why they decided to become a developer?
4 -
!rant but True story!
OMG, my coworker (rather elderly if it matters), asked if he needs to open webapp in internet exploder.. < - It was intentional, but this happened in convo over morning coffe and me and some other guy almost choked with laugher & coffee..
Fucking brilliant! IE = Internet EXPLODEr! Love it!
Man, I love my coworkers (some)!!!!6 -
True Story:
Friend uses my laptop on which I have disabled the CapsLock key, seriously asks me:
How do I type capital letters then?
#DeathByFacepalm12 -
My boss asked me to do tech support today as one of tech support employee was not feeling well.
The very first call i attended, went like:
Me : Sir, this is xyz support desk. How may i help you?
*Listening his problem*
Me : Sir solution is pretty simple. Just do a Right click on application shortcut icon and then select "Open File Location".
Client : where can i find "Right Click"?2 -
so my mom wanted to write some word document, but she didn't use her laptop for like ~5 years, it didn't boot up so she asked me to fix, now here is what I found :
>the laptop had a 240 gb hdd
>the hdd was literally broken
>bought her a new 500 gb hdd
>installed windows 7
>took 10 mins to install
>took 19 minutes to boot up
>removed windows 7
>installed win xp
>took 30 mins to install
>took 3 minutes to boot up
>opened windows
>checked pc specs
>see picture below
>[insert wtf gif here]
>installed drivers
>took 20 minutes to install drivers
>[insert epic music here]
>tried installing office 2016
>insta regret
>tried installing office 2010
>memory farted and I couldn't even move the cursor
>installed office 2007
>mom started writing document peacefully
>after 2 hours bsod
>mom asks me to fix
>opens laptop to check internal components
>the cpu had a black hole inside
>the fans weren't working due to the circuit being burnt for some reason
>kills laptop
>kills mom
>kills self
>live peacefully in hell
11 -
Made live code changes to production site... during peak visitation hours... things broke... no one noticed... Thug life.2
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Support: A customer complained about a nasty bug.
Senior Dev: There are no bugs in our software, just challenges that need to be solved.2 -
"Nothing good will ever come of this computer thing of yours. Stop wasting time and learn something useful."
. . .
My Mom was telling me this for years.4 -
No, listen to me. I cannot approve this PR because your code does not comply with our code style. All the imports and annotations must be sorted in ascending order by length. They must all make fir-like blocks of code. Because it looks nice.
Now go and fix your code
I just smiled and walked away to obfuscate my code with firs . I had no idea what to even say to that... I still don't14 -
Me: Do u have antivirus Software installed That could possibly Blockade the Data for our Software.
Customer: Yes My computer is very safe i use 3 antiviruses.
Me: At the Same time?
Customer: Yes so My computer is better protected
Me: says no more
True Story just happend 10 minutes ago xD Had a good laugh with My coworkers16 -
Internship opportunities for Android Developers
Must have atleast 1 year experience in iOS development for Android.
true story7 -
What's the difference between a wasp and single loose hair?
Apparently none till the wasp stings :/
Yesterday I thought I had a loose hair on my neck.. ok, I shrug it off.. later again the creepy feeling.. shrugs off..
I continue to work, sumberged in code, wanting to find the fucker (bug, not the wasp/hair).. lean in to the monitor... 10 cents away from the screen... Ok, maybe that's it! Feels the hair on my back, near shoulderblades again... shrugging again more violently to get it further down to fall out.. nothing.. ok, got the bug, threw myslef back in the chair with substential force & BAAAAM!!! Motherfucking hair bit me!! O.o
I scream in horror & on top of the lungs (it was late, after work hours so I didn't expect anyone else still at the office) PROKLETA PRASICA (roughly translated to goddamn female swine).. I previously saw some green bug flying around the office and I thought that nasty thing bit me (didn't know they bite soo, much more horror for me).. O.o
Anyhow, I jump up from the computer and see my coworker looking at me all baffled.. I proceed to franticly take of my headphones and hoodie..thinking about wtf should I do now, I cannot get undressed in front of him (not for my sake, bra is the same as top of the bathing suit for me, but still..I don't want anyone suing me for impropper behaviour of undreasing in front of coworkers..), how the fuck should I get to the toilet?! O.o
C: Are you ok?!
M: Um.. sth bit me..wtf?!
C: There was a wasp flying around somewhere some time ago.. are you alergic?!
M: um..not sure, I don't think so..we'll see soon..
I proceed to the WC, to take off tshirt & check/kill off the fucker.. on my way there (walking funny to not press the hair to my body again) I got another surprise, another coworker was working late..
C2: Are you ok?! O.o
M: yeah, sth bit me, probably a wasp..
Ok, finally on the loo..ok, do not lock self in in case it escapes and you need help.. don't even shut the door. Check.. standing between the doors I contemplate on how the fuck should I take my tshirt off without angering the fucker even more and getting bitten again.. O.O
I lifted the tshirt up my back to let it out.. nope, not there..the creepy felling of buzzing around between my shoulder blades continues.. crap.. what to do?!
I stood there & contemplated the task.. ok, roll up the tshirt to the shoulder blades, not against the body (duh) to prevent further stings..tighten the fabric, so it cannot escape, quickly remove the band from the body.. done..reversed the tshirt and straightened it.. bzzz... Fucker fell somewhere.. Dafaq?! Was it really just a wasp?! If yes, no problem...but what if coworker was wrong and I got bitten by that nasty green whateveritsname bug?! Eeeeewwww! Is it poisonous? Gotta find it & kill it for good.. waited a bit, than saw a goddamn wasp crawl from under the toilet.. wasp!! Yess!! Stopm stomp fucker!!
I get dressed & go back to my desk..
C: Did you terminate it?!
M: Yup, fucker went on a toilet paper trip down the drain!!
I sit down, starting to get my headphones back on and proceed to work.., but before I could, one last gem:
C: CTO would say, thank god it didn't sting you in your finger cuz you wouldn't be able to type anymore..
M: O.O so true hahhahahaaa
Disclaimer - I like animals, but I freakking hate wasps..especially if they get under my tshirt to sting.. :/7 -
"Hey I am a programmer too! I can code anything, I bet I'm better than you!"
-
"Huh, that sounds cool! What languages do you like to write your programs in?"
-
............ "English"
🤦🏻♂🤦🏻♂
True story by the way, some guy I just met did this. I was not sure how to react. Should I laugh? Should I cry? Should I kill myself? Should I kill him?10 -
We study a lot to learn how to write code and the most satisfying thing in this profession is to delete code.3
-
True story.
Some clients (especially in India) don't want to pay, but they want everything to be implemented in the project.
Big data.... Check
Machine learning.... Check
Deep learning..... Check
Espresso maker.... Check.
They want all the buzz words that are buzzing to be put in your project and they want you to put it in the 'cloud', for which you have to pay.....10 -
How many guys have experienced this?
Heard this from a supposed Linux user
Other dev: I have been using Linux for 3 years I'm really good at it.
Then sees me use "cd" and "mv" commands
Other dev: wow that's some complex stuff
Me: 😂😂😂
True story2 -
That moment when you notice your "extremely professional" client's email address begins with zzcool500
😂😂4 -
Truth:
Windows updates have nevah annoyed me !
And
My computer never restarted by itself while i am working!
Is it because i am lucky or you guys dnt know update setting exists?13 -
> be me a 23 y.o intern
> two years on self learned MEAN stack
> first day of intern<
> boss: we need you to become an iOS intern
> me: *whut*
> me: *thinking swift syntax is similar to JavaScript*
> me: OK, in swift ?
> boss: No, in Obj-C
> me: *fuck*
> spend 2 days to familiarize with Obj-C
> boss: Here's a bug, solve it.
> me: OK
> me: *checking their code for the first time*
> me: *fuck, fucking huge*
> me: *open up bug related ViewConttoller*
> me: *fuck, 6k lines of code*
> me: *fucking MVC*
> spend 2 hours to fix the bug <
> boss: you did great ! awesome
> me: *heh*
> boss: *announce to everyone* from now on INTERN will take over the project.
> me: *whut*
> boss: here's our roadmap plz implement features
> after 3 months <
> me fixing bug <
> me do feature development <
> me write shitty code <
.
.
.
repeat, life as an intern6 -
There was a time when a fellow dev asked me if it was possible to use JavaScript in jQuery code... Yeah, true story6
-
So out shopping on a Saturday with the other half and 12yo son.... He clearly is wise before his years when he asks
"why do we always get dragged around all of the shops mum wants too go and we have to sit there waiting while if we want to go anywhere she complains and we can't?"
Hate to generalise but he's already figured out what most shopping trips in married life are!3 -
Assigned to a new project team..
Using git, in a creative way. So.. "master" is "dev" branch, usually. Everyone can push their branch to dev server .. so it's "dynamic for us". Production branch is whatever, as long as the branch has the release version. Sometimes, the release comes from "master".. that mean "dev" in normal geek..
That's just Git. The source code is a saturated spagetti of Entity framework and Caliburn. It is littered with antipatterns, especially basebean. Holy Christmas and Easter that baseclass do a lot of stuff that has no place as a base class ..
Fucking frameworks, I'm gonna start to evangelize frameworks as the no1 antipattern.
MS SQL as the main DB, but is dumped to json FILES through a scheduled task to increase read performance on web.
There is a soap endpoint to expose the json files, fml..
I am assuming I was placed here to improve stuff, I have never in my life seen anything like this before.
There is a special place in hell for this repository7 -
Based on a true story:
Me: Woah, I can't believe you wrote a test for such an edge case, you really take TDD seriously
... 1 minute later
Me: Woah, I can't believe this is the only test for the whole project1 -
2017 was a dream come true literally.Long story short, I quit my job of 6 years as a PE teacher, studied Android Development through Udacity's Nanodegree program, moved my wife and kids out of our house (we were renting), moved in with my in-laws, Trusted God, learned how to build Android apps, applied at numerous tech companies, got offered 2 jobs, got hired as an Android Developer in Tennessee in December making almost more than twice I did as a teacher. My first day of work is January 8th. What a year it's been!6
-
*based on a true story*
Co-worker: Let's release it
Me: Wait, I want to add just a little feature
Co-worker: Is it necessary?
Me: Trust me
*5 minutes later*
Co-worker: So, have you finished implementing your "little feature"?
Me: Yeah, well, it's done. Maybe.
Co-worker: What the hell have you done?
Me: MAYBE I've added 647 lines of codes to the file to implement my little feature, MAYBE it doesn't works and MAYBE the entire project is compromised
Co-worker: ah3 -
A client, who don't know about programming. But only wants to finish the project ASAP
Me - It's complicated to implements this new feature.
Client - It's easy!3 -
When you ask Windows to copy two large folders simultaneously and you see : "Time remaining : 1634 years, 156 days and 3 hours".
Sorry I quit, these 3 hours are too long!2 -
A lot of brainwashed people dont care about privacy at all and always say: "Ive got nothing to hide, fuck off...". But that is not true. Any information can be used aginst you in the future when "authorities" will release some kind of Chinas social credit system. Stop selling your data for free to big companies.
https://medium.com/s/story/...6 -
Not kidding. I just woke up from a dream where Linus Torvalds invited us to his house. We were talking about early days of git and his views on Cloud bleed. I don't want to wake up 😭😭😭
-
!rant
Trust no one.
The internet is not your friend, until you find stackoverflow and you get down voted.
That rm -rf / won't make you server faster.
System32 is needed.
Yes, that is a package manager, you don't need to write more ccode
Do not write commets on languages that only you speak, the team does not speak in latin.
Paint is the best engineering tool.
Keep a stress ball nearby.
Your client is always right, unless they mess with your coding skills.
True story.2 -
A customer had spilled beer on his Macbook and brought it in for us to run diagnostics on.
Me: So it looks like his Mac got cultured...
Coworker: I'm not even going to respond.3 -
Time to shine!
Laptop [Check]
Coding Playlist [Check]
Motivation [Check]
Focus...
Oh look an Interesting YouTube Video that is probably just clickbait... *click*
Started coding 2 hours later... -
When you're lazy to implement a little feature you thought about but the feature gets implemented anyway because of some bug in your code..
True story btw
3 -
My Neighbors still have written "Merry X mas" on their window... I am not sure if they're dead or just using IE
-
Sweet baby Jesus the stories are true. I thought this day would never come but yesterday I found a website in production straight out of a horror story.
Inline script tags that contained spaghetti code and static content. And to top it off inline style with position absolute for everything 😰😰
Also worth mentioning a couple of broken pages(404) and a beatufill repeat-y image for the background😳
I lost all hope😂16 -
-kno
-who's there?
-ck, k
-what!?
-...
-...
-no
-...
-...
-...
-ckknockit'smeMrLag
-Areyoukiddingme!??kekfkfh+_udjd773jddjfctrlaltdeldeldeldel -
True story... That moment your phone internet is more reliable than your broadband... Very annoying! 😠
4 -
True story
> Got offer for nodejs via LinkedIn
> When I appeared, the interview was for Javascript and frontend
> "Based on your skills we are calling in you another interview for Sr. PHP developer"8 -
This is so true. I agree no one will slow down and put in the effort to make lasting stuff or it is rare.
"It Just Seems That Nobody is Interested in Building Quality, Fast, Efficient, Lasting, Foundational Stuff Anymore"
--Nikita Prokopov
Article from Slashdot:
https://m.slashdot.org/story/346160
3 -
True story
Was free at work so applied for a stretch project.
PM: you know mobile dev?
Me: yes, built a few apps
PM: good, we have an old app we want you to take the JAR change everything but the look of it and make it a new hybrid app with the required features.
Me: *kill me please*
PM: and use WordPress as the server.
Me: ...........
Accepted the challenge. Did the entire app in ionic and build a server for it with SpringBoot. Client loves it PM is still doesn't know😂2 -
Casual chat with a girl in Facebook.
Me : Hey, What are u doing these days?
She : I'm completed a IT course.
Me : hmm... Interesting, What are the languages you have learnt at the IT course.
She : I learned English
Me : (Close the Chat,
Blocked her,
Shuts down the PC)
(Yes, Yes, This is a true story.)4 -
Ohh you study something about computers!!
Here's an old Nokia phone and it doesn't have Internet on it, can you make it have Internet?
This is a true story. :(1 -
As a token of my commitment to devRant I bought a new phone so I can use the app. True -fucking- story... Goodbye old buddy #lumia930 (pi) (b)
4 -
She asked for it...
Me: being happy with my first rant, scrolling through the app on mobile in bed
Gf: aah are you now on instagram for nerds?!
Me: ... (sudden realization how 'our world' may be perceived by muggles)
'5 minutes pass, both on mobile'
Gf: hey can you help me get this *feature* to work on my iPhone?
Me: why don't you can ask for help on your photo platform for cool people?
Gf: ... (sudden realization to be nice in order to get help with iCrap)
True story4 -
Old but gold.
True Story, and they named another child: "help I'm stuck in a car license factory" imagine that license
1 -
One of our politicians at the late-night-show
Q: who wrote La Traviata? Giuseppe or Verdi?
A: ummm.. Ammm.. Well.. *confused af*
Q: so do you know it or not?
A: I know it! I know. I know but I won't tell you. *in all the seriousness*
[true story]
somehow reminds me of IT guys who pretend to know everything just to look cool :)4 -
True story:
A guy worked at a company as a very important programmer.
No matter the assignment, he would get it done.
It turns out he played Internet games all day and had outsourced his work to a Chinese company for 10% of his pay.
And he had signed up at a second company and did the same thing there.
He was fired, but made a lot of money.4 -
Colleague: Let's see the luna(r) eclipse.
Me: But that was a while ago.
Colleague: No it is today. Let's go out and see.
Me: Out.!! But how could you run eclipse there?
Colleague: What??
Me: What..?? Oh...!!
*awkward silence*
All the while I was thinking why would a node dev require eclipse, when he could perfectly work with something like vscode. Feels so stupid. -
It was sometime in 2009. I kept seeing these ads for something called Bitcoin. I had some extra cash, so I decided to buy $100 worth. I had my debit card out, and was trying to figure out how it worked. Got distracted with a work email, and decided to put it off until later. I forgot all about it until around 2013 when I read about some guy that bought a house using $70 worth of Bitcoin he bought in 2009.2
-
Be a fellow who's distracted af. You just had a presentation in another city. You're driving home and a light lits up saying you need gas. You stop at the petrol station, pour in some gas, grab a cop of joe while you're at it, pay and leave. You're 15minutes away from the gas stop already and an unknown number is calling you. You pick it up. A male voice says
Voice: "hello, this is police. Did you just leave a gas stop 15 minutes ago?"
You: *wtf, what the fuck did I do now!* "yes, I sure did."
Voice: "you forgot to pay for the fuel"
you: *oh shit, he's right! I remember now - I only paid for the coffee! Shit! I'm in trouble now. *
"oh.. Right, you're right, I forgot... I'll turn around and come back to pay
Voice: "wait, don't rush, I may be able to help you. I'll call you back, keep your phone close" *hangs up*
5 minutes later phone rings again.
Voice: "can you pull over, please? Here's a phone number of that gas stop. Give them a call, I'm sure you'll sort it our. Have a nice day!" *hangs up*
you call that number. A woman picks up.
You: "hello, I forgot to pay you for the gas, gimme a few minutes - I'll turn around and get back to you"
Operator: "do not worry, I think I can help you! You can pay for it at your home town if you like, but I'm afraid they might not be working today. But they will tomorrow! Would that be OK for you?"
you: "umm, yeah, of course! It's my fault - anything is OK for me!"
operator: "ooorrr.. I could pay for you now and you would pay me back. Would that work? Here's my bank account, I'll pay for you when you send me those 50 something €"
a fantasy story? Made up story? Bed time stories? Dysney movie plot? Phishing? Canada?
No. This is Lithuania :) believe it or not, this is a true story, and there are more like this one.
Respect to the police!12 -
A previous colleague of mine had plenty of years in the industry as a Java developer, but somehow still had absolutely no idea what he was doing. We used to send screenshots of his PRs to each other just to give our eye balls something to roll about - I have never seen anything like it, anywhere.
After multiple warnings of never delivering a single thing he eventually "voluntarily" left the company. He now works at a school teaching programming to students. The circle is complete. -
*downloads YouTube videos by ssyoutube.com and convyoutube.com
*tries YouTube Go
*downloads some videos by YouTube Go
*They are downloaded with captions
*Undecided
*YouTube Go randomly tries to redownload the videos
*thinking about come back to ssyoutube.com and convyoutube.com5 -
!! TRUE STORY !!
I Began Learning Programming At 12 years-old
with a phone.
Now , I'm 14-years old and have a Laptop !9 -
the web developer equivalent of waiting for code to compile is waiting for your local test DB to be populated with recent data from the production DB2
-
When you don't have enough money for a Standing Desk , but can't bear the back pain , and can't bear not Coding
True Story :D
1 -
I wonder what's the future of the crypto-mining businesses, when electricity prices have sky-rocketed to 4€/kWh [from what it used to be 14ct 2 years ago]. True story. Shops had to close17
-
There is a true story at my workplace.
A Linux administrator installing putty on its first day of work. On fedora Linux. Alright maybe normally using Windows. The next thing he had done was amazing.
He changed the UID in passwd file of root and pushed it to all servers......
Nobody could fix it anymore because even root didn't had rights to edit passwd. Next day he was asked not to come back3 -
A movie star in a upcoming blockchain buster, "The last echo", written in php, based on a true story.
-
True Story
I just finished a project, it was a rewrite, the original used the zend framework about 7 years ago. It took a team of programmers (I think 4) to code the site, and it took them about a month.
Just me, and Laravel, took me 3 weeks to do the exact same thing. Ok, I didn't have to create any content, so I'll give them that, still, there wasn't much to create.
Should I be applauding my genius? Or, Laravel's magic?
I'll say... both.3 -
Me: I'm quite good at C programming language
Also me: Checks man page for library functions' information6 -
Worked on project that has multiple forms. After deployment colleague asks me if I made the Chrome in-build autofill form function. He really liked and loved the option. Colleague calls himself front-end developer. True story!1
-
!rant
True its a two days old story but now ReactJs 16 is out, and license is now MIT.
this is a good way to start my day :) -
True story: I was pronouncing "ASRock" as "ass-rock". Until this very moment, when I saw Linus Tech Tips Youtube channel, show an ASRock commercial. All these years...11
-
another true story time:
be me
read about banned pokemon episodes on wikipedia
electric soldier porygon: an episode that red blue flashes caused 685 viewers taken to hospitals by ambulances
😈lets try it
write a simple program that makes same light effects
try it on myself
no kill
try it on roommates
no kill
try to send it as many people i can reach
omg people why don't you die?
gave up after 1 week of unsuccessful attempts3 -
Kind of dev related, during a Firefly one-shot roleplay:
GM: So you have a data chip in your pocket. Do you want to see what's on it?
Me (hesitant): ...Kinda. *wait* Okay, I put the chip into one of my computers.
GM: The data chip shows random gibberish--it's encrypted. Your engineer may know how to decrypt it.
Me: Okay. Hey, Engineer! *holds imaginary data chip out to her* Decrypt this!
Engineer: No. *pause*, *sighs* Fine. But we need to be careful.
GM: Yes, now time for technobabble...
Me: So once we decrypt this, it's probably going to look for the MAC address, so we need an air-gapped machine--a machine that's never been online before--and a TAILS LiveUSB. We'll decrypt the data chip and then destroy the computer.
GM: ...Technobabble.
Fighter: ....I actually understood that and it actually makes sense. Good job. *fist bump*1 -
True story:
I haven't known a lot of them, but everyone I ever met who had an obsession with designer chairs, was a psychopath.
Like a legit psychopath.
also, these are some mighty fine chairs.
mighty. fine. chairs I tells ya.
https://ex-astris-scientia.org/data...7 -
I'm quite shocked today after receiving an email which acknowledges me with so much respect that I cannot handle, I mean this has never happened in my entire life, I can't even handle it2
-
i often do tech support in chat rooms in my free time (because i like spreading good will,) so here's a tech horror story
"""
"hey, can you help me fix something?"
sure?
"so i dug my old XP machine out of my closet and replaced the bad Ethernet card with a different one and when i plug in the ethernet cable the PC bluescreens."
# oboi
did you install the drivers? Sounds like it needs drivers
"no"
then install them
"no"
why not?
"it doesn't need any"
why do you say that?
"it said \"This device is set up and ready to use.\" in the balloon in the corner"
it has generic drivers to deal with devices before the real drivers can be found
"shouldn't they work?"
some devices need the extra support provided by the intended drivers, so the generic ones cause issues in those cases
"ok, well, where do I find them?"
do you have a model number?
"yes, it's " # scrubbed for... privacy? i dunno
gimme a few minutes
<insert 45 minutes of aggressive Googling for (str(DEVICE_MODEL_NUMBER) + " xp drivers")>
alright i have the drivers, go here:
# again, removed for... idk.
"they don't work"
# oh here we go
why not?
"These drivers are not compatible with your system architecture."
what version of XP are you using?
"XP Pro"
x86 or x64?
"x64"
# fucking...
ok so this is gonna get real complicated real fast: use x86 XP or I can't help you, none exist for x64 XP.
"oh ok"
<User left the IRC channel.>
"""4 -
No, that Nigerian prince is not real and it is a scam, and no, I am not jealous and I don't envy you, you know what, it is totally legit ... I was lying ...
-
True story: I got fired once for leaving placeholder text that was replaced by an Ajax call anyway.6
-
True story: My old boss once got told by his boss and our 'General Manager' (we think he self titled himself haha) that he shouldn't read technical books as "you don't want people thinking you're smarter than them".
Couldn't believe it. Imagine trying to improve your knowledge, seemed revolutionary in that place1 -
Client: we would like a fully featured web app with a companion mobile app. Here's what we want it to do
Us: ok nice. What's your budget for this?
Client: $5k
Us: ...6 -
Looks like someone forgot to full screen chrome after it crashed... It's it just me or has chrome been crashing way more the past year than it has ever been?
2 -
Welcome to Git, where when you try to split a commit you end up making 8 more commits than you want.
Based on a true story, today at work -
Implementing tons of ridiculous/almost impossible features you disagree with cause you're just a powerless employee who needs the job..
You still do it anyway. -
True story: After making a mistake while writing a check, I literally reached out to an imaginary keyboard and wanted to ctrl+z it... if only life was that simple1
-
Before Corona:
- Quantarine
- Quantertine
After Corona:
- Quarantine
As a non-native English speaker I always used to struggle with this term used by Antivirus softwares. Now it is everywhere.
True Story..
🤣🤣😷😷2 -
True story:
While doing a CR stumbeled upon the following line, with no documentation attached:
CONST = "{0}{1}{3}//{4}{5}{6}//{7}.{8}" -
True story: Today just now at about 11:50ish pm I was looking for a USB stick I've seem to have lost when my entire desk collapsed with everything on it.3
-
For my final project of first year at middle school (that's before university), I had to make a experiment and measured it using a circuit connected to the computer. At the end I couldn't finish but I made a program for explain what the circuit (expected) did using one of the Microsoft Office's assistant (Merlin the wizard), Merlin moved around the screen talking about the experiment and what the circuit measured it over and over, almost forgotten to tell I had to show it in a science festival to anybody who came at school, none asked about the experiment or the circuit, all the questions was about how I made the program, how the program could speech in spanish and explain the experiment.
At the begining of that day I was so nervous, but at the end I could say fuck yeah.
And the program was a macro in Basic with text to speech of a Loquendo like voice, I only record the movements and put the text.
That's one of the reason of I like programming, it save it my ass.
That was more than ten years ago, I didn't have a computer only at the school, internet not was so common.4 -
Migrate a site to a new web CMS... by rendering all current pages as static html files and copying it to a new server.
(true story) -
True story: We had once a project where the manager tells the client we are using the Waterfall but internally the devs are actually doing Agile. >_<1
-
Do you know the "Boobs Bonus"?
For example, in an IT School, if your project group have at least a girl, your group have some bonus points on your notation ... I hate this for many reasons 😡!!!
Teachers deny & hide this fact because it's now a "tradition"2 -
!dev
I was thinking about the past ... i once stalked a girl for 3 years on ask.fm sending her anonymous love notes and poems. Then she shut it down for a different reason and now i miss doing it.5 -
Been making minor refactors to code base. Ran into something that resembles and behaves like a brainfart. Accepts arguments, uses them to query DB then completely disregards result and builds own result yielding dubious output.
Dumb as I am, went to investigate the story behind it. Maybe some weird business rules involved.
Git gave commit. 100+ files changed. Nice one.
Went to original story and there it was, clearly stated, like a true moronic decision: "Squash all feature commits to a single commit". No specs, no description, no explanation... Nothing.
Well... FUCK YOU TO!2
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