Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

Have we tried turning America off and on again?

meanwhile in one of our country's text books......

Everyone gets a lot of ++ with good programming jokes and I'm sitting here like...

My girlfriend got bitten by a mosquito and kept scratching it.
After I complained about the size of the bite, she said "c'mon it's just a bit, not big enough to be a byte".
When I finished facepalming (it took a while), I realized how proud I am of her.

When you get a little confused

Welcome to the new world. Microsoft is now the top open source contributor on Github.

:o didn't know it

When I am trying to figure out what's going on in the code

Who wants one?

At a funeral.....

A visitor: What's the WiFi password here?

Priest: Respect the dead

Visitor: All small letters ?...

Made me laugh a little :D

Stop f*cking calling me minority or part of a underrepresented group. Yeah I noticed I am one of the only women on a conference. I DONT CARE, I AM A PROGRAMMER NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. Hire me for my work, not because you want you company to be more diverse.

Reading other's code be like...

😂😂😂😂😂

Pun of the day

Boss: I heard your colleagues hate dealing with code you wrote. Why?
Me: No comment

For some, Jan 01 1970 was just the first day of a new year. For others, it marked the beginning of time.

I think today I'm gonna work like a stack: Last in, first out.

Thats what i saw on a wall in New Delhi, India... Lol

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

I think this should happen when people get over 9000++

Most helpful error log ever...

hope this isnt a repeat. have a great weekend guys!!!!!

just found this!

http://m.imgur.com/gallery/4f3XB

And then there is this beauty...

QA engineers...

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!

W...w...wha...whaaat?!

Not a rant....

I received an email today from a client that reads "I'm so anxious to pay you. This is the best money I've spent on my website."

🤘🤘🤘

walks into a bar ...