Installed Linux on an old windows laptop. This is my conversation 5 minutes ago...

Wife: "Have how you got internet?"
Me: "What do you mean, it has a wireless adapter built in?"
Wife: "But it's not Windows?"

WTF!!!

Me: "Pass my phone, this is going on devRant"
Wife: "Please no, not again"

Thats what i saw on a wall in New Delhi, India... Lol

We will no longer be accepting contracts which have an internet explorer or edge support requirement.

All of the front end devs are going hysterical and celebrating 😂 🎉🎉

Internet streaming website be like:

Oh no, you can't right click and save the video file on your computer!

*f12* *ctrl+f* *<video* *right click* *open in new tab* *right click* *save as*

Piece of shit admin installed a chrome plugin which changed the new tab to no internet default image ... The whole office was pranked

IT: Hi, how can I help?
User: Hi, I can't get onto the wifi / internet, my computer says "No Signal".

IT: Hm, we don't have wifi, your on a cable, what exactly is saying no signal?
User: Its just on the screen here.

IT: No but where, are you inside a browser, or is it a popup down the bottom corner?
User: No I haven't got that far yet, it just says no signal on a black screen, then it flashes and says no signal in another position.

IT: ...... did you turn on your computer after turning on the monitor ... thats the screen saying no signal from the computer.
User: ah yep, thats it, thanks!

Let's quickly talk about idiots.

> A simpleton coworker of mine installed Ubuntu on his brand new ThinkPad with a touch screen.
> Asks me to show him the Linux games site I mentioned earlier.
> I see that he has no browser installed.
No Firefox, Chromium, Epiphany, etc.
> Now I know that he has a room temperature IQ and something moronic is going to happen.
Truth be said, I subliminally desired a terminal based browser.
> Then he fucking opens Wine and I shit you NOT! That thundercunt opens...
> Internet Explorer!
> I punched his screen.
> No longer a touch-screen laptop.

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders 

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Me : Let's just use CDN.
Former boss (fb) : What's that?
Me : You fetch JS and CSS files online. Faster.
Fb: No! Download it!
Me: Why?
Fb: What if there's no internet?!
Me: ... it's a website...

Fleksy keyboard: We don't access your private information and upload it to the cloud!

No, because I'm blocking your Internet access through a fucking root firewall.

Satan stole my internet connection. I had to sacrifice a T-Rex to reconnect.

If you ever feel you're not self-confident enough, think about the guy who told his manager at Google about the great idea he had been working on: a T-Rex that jump over cactus when there's no internet connection in Chrome.

ALL JS TUTORIALS SHOULD EXPIRE AUTOMATICALLY AFTER 1 YEAR AND DISAPPEAR FROM THE INTERNET FOREVER!!!!!

jeez every tutorial i start i realize is no longer relevant code after the npm install step!!
}:-(

QA just asked me, why does the website look so ugly and no CSS is working on Internet Explorer
I'm lucky I'm not the web dev lol

*I laughed*
*IE laughed*
*Windows laughed*

"Did you get my email?"

No, your email got sucked into the black hole that is the vast and mysterious internet. It's gone forever.
/s

Yes, I got your email. I'm ignoring it because I can only handle one stupid coworker's request at a time. Take a number.

Dear Telekom,

Fuck you.

Kind regards,
a disappointed customer

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders 

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

I work for an ISP and the fact that I have no internet feels like poetic fuckery...

How do you tell HTML from HTML5?

- try it out in Internet Explorer
- did it work?
- no?
- it's HTML5

There are a lot of things that could rank up as the worst about being a dev, such as recurring meetings, documentation, shitty requirements, pm gnats, Monday, etc...but something that truly ruins it all is NO INTERNET CONNECTION.

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders?
1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop
Now, no one will open internet explorer 😂

Haha :D pretty much the same, found this on fb.

oh I see!
no train schedule today...

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to Desktop and create anew folder

2. Name the folder Internet Explorer

3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer

4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Comment your ideas...

Internet: YOU are nothing without me.

My phone: Th..That's not true! She cc..can make calls ww..ithout you...and ss...send texts. Sh..Sh..She plays offf..offline games sometimes and has ddd..downloaded music to her storage that she could llii.. listen to and has a sshh..shit load of memes stocked that she sss..sometimes laughs at. I AM usef...ffuul :-/

Internet *lighting up a cigarette*: hahhaa! You can survive without me. If this were 10 YEARS ago! There's not a slightest chance, today.

My phone *starts sobbing*: sh..shut up sshhhuut uu..up.

Internet *blowing smoke rings*: you think you're the ONLY device she owns?? She has too many of them, but guess who is connected to all those devices! ME! She can't function without me. Hell, the world can't function without ME!

Electricity *rubbing it's eyes from sleep* - what's all that noise??

Phone: 😶

Internet: 😶

Phone: 🙂

(I'm about to fall asleep and there's no power right now. Back up ain't working. Life sucks)

No Internet: Can't work, no internet.
Internet back: Can't work, internet.

DevRant was just loading very slow because of bad mobile internet. I told my mum that this could be loading faster, because it's mainly text (= no large videos) that needs to be transferred. My mum answered:

"Your smartphone doesn't know that tho".

Looooong silence. Very looooong silence.

*at front end job interview*
Me: so what kind of version control do you use?

CTO: well, one of the guys here developed our own system.. bla bla bla *turns around laptop*

Me: *sees internet explorer* NO THANKS 😬

Client: My email not working
Me: What error message you getting
Client: Nothing, it's just stuck on Outbook
Me: Is your Internet working?
Client: Yes, of cause am not that stupid
Me: No! No! just asking as checkup
Client: Okay
Me: Open your Internet Browser and goto Google or Facebook
Client: Okay hold on..I am getting message "There is no Internet Connection"
Me: Yea, your Internet is not working that's why email can't be send. Talk to your IT Guy or Internet Provider about it.
Client: Okay, thanks!

Dear Marketing Guy,

You had no right to manipulate the perfectly working "WordPress" site, but since you have done it by injecting a script you found on the internet in functions.php, It is now my unpaid job to fix this mess.

Yours truly,
Underpaid Developer

P.S. Fuck you

Interviewer: So here are the technical tests. You have 20min.
Me: We agree I can use the internet?
Interviewer: No, sorry.
Me: Good, I'll make you pen&paper websites then. Seriously!?

Microsoft: We're brings new updates to Edge....

Me: Oh nice, was about time.
**Reads changelog**

"Edge now has support for Internet Explorer"

"No, really, you can now run IE in Edge."

Me: Oh for Fuck Sake!

Moved to a new house, no internet access till end of this month :O

New flat. Still no internet.

Time to do some reading

God virgin media are useless:

Me: “hello how long is left in my contract”
VM: “you have three months left, may I ask why”
Me: “this is now the 3rd day in two weeks I have had no broadband I’m looking to swap to someone more reliable”
VM: “ I’m sorry to hear that I’ll check our system to see what I can do for you”
2 mins on hold
VM: “hello mr day we can offer you a special offer of doubling your internet speed for only £5 a month”
Me: “how does that help with the fact I have no internet”
VM: “well it won’t but we have an engineer looking at the problem and we estimate it will be fixed by 17:05”
Me: “thanks but no thanks, what’s the early exit fee”

😡🤬😡

"There are no viruses on Linux :D" proudly says Jhonny when asked why is it better than Windows, just minutes after having run a script he downloaded on the internet, feeling superior because `sudo`ing it gave him "so much freedom".

HOD: Hey, Can you conduct web development workshop for Jr.'s?

Me: no issue, Can you share syllabus?

HOD: download from the internet.

Me: cool, So may also be trained them related to GitHub.

HOD: what is GitHub?

Me: -_- nothing its little thing, I will manage.

No internet... no problem...

*me calling ISP*

ISP: hello, how may i help you?

Me: got no connection... you guys maintaining something again from your side?

*30 minutes later*

ISP: we'll check the problem from our end and email u wgat we find

Me (poker face): bit i have no internet :|

here's a shoutout to 90% of websites today:

NO, I DO NOT WANT YOUR F*CKING NEWSLETTER! STOP ASKING!

NO, I DO NOT WANT YOUR F*CKING NOTIFICATION! STOP ASKING!

NO, I DO NOT WANT TO SHARE MY F*CKING LOCATION! STOP ASKING!

NO, I DO NOT WANT ANY F*CKING COOKIES! STOP ASKING!

website publishers ary whining about adblockers, but keep shoving so much shit down our throats that even a dozen browser addons can't make the web usable. the internet was such a great place once, where did we go wrong?

(rhetorical question. it's when we made access to the internet so easy, that every 100% tech-illiterate idiot could get online.)

FKING. LANDLORD. FKING LANDLORD THINKS MY LAN CABLE SLOWS THE FKING INTERNET BACK TO THE 1990s.

- Prologue
I'm renting at a place that looks good af. But the fking wifi is so slow, 80% of the time you can't even send an empty http request.

- Chapter 1
Okay, maybe it's my laptop. *plugs in cable*. Now the requests fail 10% of the time. Better than nothing. 2 hours later, gets a text saying other housemates are having slow internet because of me. FUCK. Unplugs, LAN cable, uses mobile data and cries to sleep.

- Chapter 2
Tries again after a few days. Barely uses the internet (I'm only using it to play games, not even download it and I used more than this with a 2mbps internet). No videos, no music, just small data exchange with a low ping. GETS A FKING TEXT AGAIN

- CHAPTER 3
My sis comes over and complains that the net is slow af. Plugs in LAN cable while no one is around, everything is fine. Sis leaves, I roll up my end of the LAN cable in my room but leave the cable plugged in on the outside of the room. Next morning, it's unplugged. Plugged it back in before I go to work and when I come back, guess what? ITS FKING UNPLUGGED. AGAIN. AND IM NOT EVEN USING IT.

SOMEONE PLEASE STOP ME FROM GOING ON A RAMPAGE SHOVING THE FKING CABLE AND THE ROUTER UP PEOPLE'S ASSES. LAN FUCKING CABLES DONT SLOW THE INTERNET BACK TO THE PREVIOUS CENTURY. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE NOT EVEN PLUGGED IN ON THE OTHER SIDE. FUCK.

Just a friendly reminder not to believe anything that you see on the internet tomorrow (today based on timezones).

...not that believing things on the internet is every really a great plan...

PS. No, Half-Life 3 is not announced, you did not see a trailer, and it is never coming out.

Found this on mastodon:

I sometimes imagine that somewhere there must be a Ministry for Messing Up the Internet. It would be like a Monty Python sketch.

Each day a new idea would arrive in the intray of an official who looks like a young John Cleese. They would form a large pile of papers.

[reads] "Make a protocol so complicated that nobody can understand it. No the Sematic Web has already been tried".

[reads] "Ban all the cat photos for spurious copyright reasons. No, we already have an upload filter in progress to do that".

[reads] "Fill Tim Berners-Lee's socks with elephants. No - much too silly."

"Ah yes, [reads] make a giant man in the middle that everything on the internet has to go through like a sausage machine and get squirted out on the other side, hopefully in the correct order. Bernard, get Cloudflare on the phone immediately."

@bob@soc.freedombone.net

My dystopian fuckwad of a government just blocked duckduckgo.

China just took some of our land, so they got around to banning chinese apps on local internet. And while they were at it, for no reason they blocked a bunch of privacy apps and duckduckgo. Which is an American company.

How fucking convenient.

So our company's internet was down. Network admin was really pissed as there is suppose to be a notification from the ISP about down time. Network admin called the ISP customer services to inquire about the problem and they said "Sir, we wanted to email you but our network was down too."
Admin turned from being really angry to laughing out loud real quick...

Friday night, just got home around 11pm and there's no Internet.

Happy weekend EVERYONE ELSE

Whenever I do a search on Google and it returns no results, I feel like I won the internet.

How do Russians name it when there's no internet?
.
Interнет

The 5 whys

So.. we cant deploy

Why? > We had to take our deployment tool offline
Why? > Because random people from the internet started deployments
Why? > Because we had no authentication and so it was publicly available
Why? > Boss said auth was no priority (we told him every day)
Why? > ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

me: *tries to find a file in system*
Ubuntu: No problem bud, here's a thing which you're looking for
macOS: Sure thing chief, here's your stuff.
Windows 10: Here's a random thing I found on the Internet which is totally irrelavent. By the way, I see you're using Chrome, would you like to start Microsoft Edge instead? 🙃

I'd say Linux but seen that around a lot so I'll go with another favourite:

OsmAnd(+)

It's basically an offline navigation app which works with downloading maps offline and then you can use navigation without Internet (gps though of course).

It's very easy to use, looks okay enough and no fucking tracking at all. I was in Switzerland recently without any service (my friends didn't have service either and their navigation relies on Internet) and this fucker saves us big time.
Not saying that there aren't any other offline navigation apps but this one is awesome imo.

Moved into my a new house. No internet yet, and my mobile data barely connects. Real life horror story.

No internet is pretty much the develeper equivalent of kryptonite.

Noob: "Hey guyz! Im now a hacker! Look at this cool script"

Legit programmer: "oh wow! How does it work?"

Noob: "I have no idea. I found it on the internet "

LP: .........

Mobile plan with fairly decent call time and 2gigs of internet: $20
Mobile plan with no calls and unlimited internet: $5

Yep its time to put telegram on my family's phones

I hear my intern yelling at Cortana in the other room. "Cortana, open keyboard!". He repeats this 5+ times. Issue is there is no keyboard connected so he just wants to use the on screen keyboard, and thinks Cortana will open it for him. Issue is the computer isn't hooked up to the Internet, and Cortana does not do that command without the internet.

Just grab a fucking keyboard!!!

I bypassed the payment system on a paying Internet terminal in Egypt by booting into safe mode. I was 14, and there was no other way of getting Internet, so I was really proud of myself 😁

So much rant against the GDPR. In the meanwhile USA Today created a site just for the EU. No Tracking or Ads. A site which was normally 5mb big to load is now 500kb for the EU! Awesome! Thats what the internet could be!

Been playing a lot of old NES games lately.
Made me think how did they develop and program such amazing games with primitive 80'-90's technologies, assembly/c and no internet.

Now with all the tech we have most games are crap and based on webshit or mobile.

So our IT-department decided it was a good idea to block all outgoing ports at my school. Resulted in no internet for a day. Then they fixed that and the mail part but I still can't connect to any of my servers with SSH :/

So... Some fake accounts on Twitter claimed to be Elon Musk and to give shitloads of Bitcoin to those who sent a little amount first. They stole... Wait for it... 180 grand.

That's basically your everyday 419 scam. Existing since before the internet, done with the names of Gates, Buffet, Bush, Obama...

They say "the big bad evil criminals and the poor little innocent victims" I say natural selection. Sorry, in those lion vs gazelle scenarios I always thought that it was fair, no matter how it went.

Just when did humanity get so brainless? Have we always been, is the internet just a catalyst for stupidity?

Just why the fuck must I be an infosec sheepdog instead of a wolf? Man, I could live the life, drink beer and smoke herb while working... Get up at 12, don't give a shit, no boss, no taxes, no social security payments that I don't see jack shit from, and the pay would be better to.

Damn.

When the client rings up saying the website is down. I say can you see any other sites. They say, no, nothing is coming up. It's your internet connection, kindly fuck off!

Meet 'SBI Online' app from Play Store, in their own words:

What they were supposed to do?
"Experience the new Retail Internet Banking of SBI"

What they do?
"SBI online app will redirect to SBI Retail Internet Banking (online SBI) site"

Why do they have app?
"No need to remember URL",
"Less memory space required on device"

App storage space?
F**king 2.6 MB, just to redirect users to their website, in third-party browser.

Me and colleague went to coffee shop to work...
C -> colleague
M -> Me

...
C: "do you know what I tell myself when I want to gain the courage to talk to a girl I like?":
M: (gave it some thought) "No what?"
C: "If internet explorer has the courage to ask me to become the default browser! Then what am I afraid of?"
M: "No wonder your relationships are buggy! And full of insecurities!"

No Wi-Fi = No Food.. Great motivation to pay your internet bill on time... This 'smart' shit is going way too far lol..

How you can hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders...

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer

So my Internet was down the entire day
*opens laptop
*realizes no internet
*closes laptop
*repeats this the entire day

After a point it becomes involuntary. My hand just automatically goes to the laptop

That's how computers look in our school (with main focus on science)...

"Windows XP"
"No internet"

Internet stopped working yesterday and the ISP company told me they couldn't send a person for a week!

I'm stuck at home, I have to have internet.

Long story short, I got no sleep last night and I may have voided my routers warranty, but I got internet.

Pings google, no losses in 1 hour!
And just as I run that JavaScript code on Node.js, the internet stops! Every fricking time!
-_-'
>_<

Saw this today, wanted to play dino jump game

dammit. I fucking hate it when I get stuck because of low level computing concepts and there is no explanation on Google.

like.. I understand the difference between an int and a float, but no one ever explains how you convert 32bit signed vectors to floats. or how bgra and rgba differ. or how to composite two images on a GPU. etc. the internet is great and all, but fuck, sometimes it seems as everyone is just as dumb as I am.

That fucking ironic time when all you need to make money is Internet connection but you have no money at all to pay for it.

The dinosaur I'm afraid of.
No fucking internet

Considerable size storm. No internet for the past two hours or so. This is so inhumane. Clinging to the two songs I have fully buffered on YouTube.

Send love...

We don't need no vim
We don't need no C++
We don't need no Internet
We don't need no devRant
We don't need Java
We don't need Windoze
We don't need spaces for indentation
We don't need School

*passive aggressive smiley*

I once found a MongoDB cluster open to the internet with no authentication with nearly a terabyte of data that backed a CRM service whose customers included Microsoft and Adobe to name a few.

First world problems after a storm :(

Who in their right mind though it would be a good idea to move the web development team to a new office without checking that the internet is connected.

What a waste of three working days.

And of course the project needs to be delivered by Sunday...

Internet down.. no problem, i will play dinasour game in chrome 😎😎

Wife wanted me to make sure that we can watch the entire season 12 and 13 of degrassi while in the hospital (which has no good internet connection), but there is no good torrent or anything that lets you get it downloaded locally.

So I wrote a super basic script to scrap the season from YouTube and download it. Now just having fun looking at it.

Windows: No internet connection.

Me: Runs troubleshooter.

Windows: Problem found and resolved: Default Gateway Server is not available

Me: Wait.. since when can windows fix user input?!

Windows: Still no internet connection

So for last few days my internet is super slow. Tried calling ISP helpline but they suck too. I have no other way than to change my ISP which would take few days.
Any suggestion for what should i work on during these boring days with no learning resources on my disk and super slow internet. Seems like i'm living in a cave.

Always dreamt of having a 100 mbps Internet connection. Now that I have one I have no idea what to do with it.

You're never really lost until you have no internet and nano isn't installed .-.

Internet speed of around 30-40 kbps and no refreshments or coffee :/

When you're a web developer and the building's internet is down.

Got so many. (remember where I am from? 😁) Gonna share my favorite first.

X : I want a web app that my staffs can use and update data from different branches.

Me : Ok I can development such project.

X : But I want them it offline so they can use the app even with slow internet or no internet.

Me : 💀

// The data are shared across the branches BTW.

Had no internet for hours.
Called the support.
"We will fix it!" they said and they actually did. So maybe there are competent people working there as well???

No. Of course not.

Two hours later I receive a call from them. "It was not our fault. There was an update so we had to plug the cables back into the right ports."

Software update
Physical connections

Wat

Am I the only one who's noticed that recently ever innovation out there would appear to be along the following lines "We/'ve added our product to the Internet of Things and have integrated Machine Learning to improve our product, why? Well for literally absolutely no fucking reason, it/'s a toilet brush"

My internet is down.
For me, no internet is like no electricity.

Hmm internet connection is down. Check isp status page...no issues. Wait 50mins on phone to get to support, where they tell me there is a known issue, reported 4 hours ago. After call check isp status page...no issues

Is AWS selling status pages as a service now?

*at work*

co-worker: what are u doing?

me: programming and learning

co-worker: but school has just started... u guys havent learnt anything yet

me: thats the great thing about programming, everything is already in the internet waiting to be read and learned. try it next time ;)

co-worker: learning out of school, no thanks

After long time logged into windows desktop and dared to open internet explorer then I seen option

"What's New in Internet Explorer 8"

So I thought let's see what's new in IE8

When I clicked on that option, suddenly my CPU fan stopped working.

There was no connection between them,
But what a coincidence!

F***U IE:D

Yes, i'm a programmer
No, I do not install windows and drivers
No, I don't know what is the best laptop for you
No, I don't know why your internet is lagy
I'm sorry, I'm just a programmer

Some helicopter just hit the powerlines, no power, internet, mobile @home....

Bug report: Header logo shunts to the right on internet explorer, yep, fixed that

Storm: No internet for you!
Me: *switches to 4G cellular data which seems to be mostly unaffected* Take that weather!
Storm: *all hell breaks loose outside*
Me: mkay... Going to bed anyway...

Got a little bored at work lol

Yesterday at work the internet went out. Our director of IT stopped by our cubes and the conversation that followed went like this:

Director: "Is the internet out for you guys?"
Us: "Yeah"
Director: "But you can still check your emails right?"
Us: ".... No?"
Director: "But the phones are working!"

*Director walks away to talk with our networking group*

A recruiter who claims in his signature "Certified in Sourcing Ninja Black-Belt in Internet Recruitment" [sic] offered me a Java Developer position. Guess what? I'm no Java Developer at all.

I think my ISP has been a little sneaky cum gargler. Nothing wanted to stream properly for awhile now. When even youtube struggles shit is wrong.

Installed protonvpn now and by the power of some magical internet ball bag the internet came forth and is streaming at 720p no buffer even required and from a not so glorious server.

did they try to keep me blind? Not no more I have wiped that jizz off my face.

Me searching on the internet how to fix my error. After a long time of searching with no results...I searched for:
"unity draw a fucking line in UI"
Google: How about this website? (second search result was devrant com)
And that's the story of how I got here.

Truecaller fraud😁 no internet or wifi connection on phone but the total number in truecaller keeps increasing. They have just added an increment function since establishment and here they have 2 billion contacts 😂😂😂#shame_truecaller

I feel like I've ranted this before. many times. but here we go again because Australia.

why do people think you can just ban math? like really?! that's what crypto laws do. they require companies to use shitty math. and what prevents me from using the good math? nothing! oh I mean... I won't use it? scouts honor.

you can't ban math.
literally billions of internet users don't fall in your jurisdiction.
no single jurisdiction can cover more than a subset of the internet.
I will use whatever maths I damn well please.
fuck off. please stop making us less safe.
/discussion

Oh no internet?

Hmm...I'm no longer a programmer then.

But I will be as soon as I can talk with my friend Google!

My ISP just called, because I didn't extend my 2 year contract. The reason is that paying 13 euros for 50/30 (Mb) internet when I can get 600/60 from another ISP for 20 euros or 300/30 for 15 euros sucks. Additionally, my current ISP only offers 100/30 at maximum according to their website...
Guess what?
They just offered me 1Gb/100Mb over the phone for a FUCKING 20 EUROS. What???

User: "My computer is broken!"
Me: "What seems to be the problem?"
User: "I can't go to any websites."
Me: "It appears our connection to the internet is down."
User: "No it's not, look" *points to Wi-Fi status*
Me:

Remember how CPU speeds stopped mattering after they reached 2GHz? (except for gaming and media editing of course).

I believe Internet speeds have also met that zero marginal utility point at 15Mbps.

I felt no difference when mine went up gradually from 15Mbps to 75Mbps now. (Thanks ACT, India)

Programming in a language long forgotten with no internet help whatsoever.

Who can relate to my pain a decade ago
Had only 2 hours online a month

old days ...

Did anyone miss me?

(On the phone)
Internet Provider Support: "Hello, how can I help you?"
Me: "Hi, I've been unable to connect to internet for the past few hours and-
IPS: "Haven't you heard the pre-recorded message?!"
Me: "Uh... No? I'm sorry, but no message was played before you answered."
ISP: "Well, internet services are experiencing technical issues in your whole area. We'll contact you soon as it's resolved." *Hangs up*

...The company then proceeded to state that everything was fine, after a few hours. On their website. Without specifying how to manually restore the connection at all, since apparently this was needed.

...Great job?
This looks kinda dumb to me but... Is it just me?

VMs.....You always have to install Google chrome... Can't OSs just include it in the installation? No Microsoft is forcing you to use Edge and Internet Explorer

Public feature request: If we tap at "devRant", the feed refreshes. Can we have the same thing for rants? My shitty internet at home is fast, but choppy so when I check my notifications and it doesn't load the rant, I have pretty much no idea what that notification was about.

I am currently blocked from doing my job by a firewall policy handed down from corporate that prevents WSL2 from connecting to the internet. Three days of no dev environment and counting.

We make linux software to be hosted on linux in linux containers in linux. We use linux command line tools to make it work.

"NO! WE ARE THE ALL-POWERFUL IT DEPARTMENT AND YOU MUST USE WINDOWS BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY."

I really like it when I work at home cus I know it's very productive.

I'd be working for 30 mins then I tell myself to take a break...
I scroll through facebook then I'm reminded of reddit... and then google plus.. and then podcasts.. and then youtube videos... then I proceed to discover the far reaches of the internet.............. OH NO

Shit, no internet in office for more than 4 hours. BTW I'm chilling..🙃
What you would do with out internet in your office

[least fav part of wfh]
Not being able to have a conversation with coworkers.
No whiteboard.
No spaceous modern desk setup.
No distraction free environment.
No free coffee and lunch.
No 1500W sound system.
No 2gbps internet.

Hate it when something gets depcrecated and there's no sign of an alternative on the internet

I hate my freelancer life.
1. No weekends
2. No particular time to close
3. Work for 12 to 14 hours without sleep sometimes
4. Keep explaining the dumb clients about how development is not wordpress.

Its all fucked up. I have no life.

My average Lines of code this month is around 700 LOC/day. Whereas the average that showed on internet is 100 LOC/day.

I have choosen a hellish life.

Last day at home today. Moving tommorrow for my apprenticeship with a company that'd likely give me a warning/fire me if I say too much about it.

If I disappear off the face of the planet, it's because I have no money for internet yet.

To all web devs adding cookie-nags on your companys pages: stop that! Now! No where does that cookie law require you to ruin your site with nagging popups. Where's the focus on usability?

And the rule about informed consent? Which normal user (like my mother) knows what that means anyway? I call bs! Politicians, don't get me started.

Every user on the internet goes JMIGA: Just Make It Go Away, click whatever making that crap disappear.

What user will go "holy shit, they're using cookies!! I'm outta here!" No one in the history of the internet, that's who. Argh.

Connected, no internet is equivalent to
I love you but as a friend

!rant && !dev

I am finally back home. My car was okay, house was okay, and I had electricity. Bad news: no internet connection. Looks like I have to use my phone for stack overflow.

About a month ago told the director we need our own broadband line instead of sharing the crappy one from the shared office building as we rely on internet for all our systems. He said no because we'd have to pay for it and the shared one is free.

Today the shared internet has gone down and all our systems are inaccessible including the phones. I'm just sat here like "told you so", and there is nothing I can do as have no control of it 👍

Which is worst, no internet or really slow internet?

Isn't it true, that laws about the Internet, are made by people, who have no clue of it?!

I am now using my DevRant avatar for all my online profiles. No more ugly professional/fun pictures of me around the internet.

realWiFi but no Internet.

You know it is gonna be "fun" integrating client APIs, when all of them respond with
"Thanks for submitting the request"
And no error or status code whatsoever, no matter what you send.

Also, the client likes to test/call this API in Internet explorer address bar, and doesn't trust Postman. Amazing shit dude.

On one side I fucking hate waiting for the internet technician. I would've liked to go to work (especially as there is an event right now) and not sit here during "That-5-hour-window-because-scheduling-isn't-a-thing-the-german-Telekom-will-tell-you-about" and nurse my impatience.
On the other side, I have idle time and I like programming when everything's quiet in the house and only the heating and my PC cooling system are whirring quietly, so I've got that going for me which is nice.
Only too bad there's no internet right now.

German friends...

Thoughts on 1&1? I have tks now, it's painful. Telekom seems shady af, but I have their mobile plan.

I have no idea how to get unbiased info here, so i'm asking people who actually use the internet to work from home and do more than just surf Facebook and cat videos

Sooo I'm moving and I contacted my ISP to transfer my internet connection to the new house. And they told me they'll do it after the New Years Eve...
Trying to stay calm....

How much does your internet cost?

My stats:
Speed: 50Mbps
Bandwidth: Unlimited with no FUP
Yearly: $67.16
Monthly: $5.59
Downtime: Almost never

Note: This is for home internet plan and NOT mobile plan

Scouring the internet for documentation, then you find a promising google result

THEN IT'S A FUCKING FORUM THAT I HAVE TO SIGN UP FOR FIRST

no thanks

Why is chromecast so stupid?

So I'm on vacation, in another country, in a hotel. I took my chromecast and downloaded offline music to be able to use the TV for at least some entertainment.

Wifi is with login, chromecast doesn't support that. And it has isolation so I was prepared that it won't work through the hotel wifi. So I used another phone to create a Hotspot, but with no internet because roaming here is crazy expensive.

I thought that would work, but chromecast simply refuses to work if there is no internet access.

Why does it need internet if I'm streaming locally anyway?

So I temporarily activate data roaming, and hooray it works, so I quickly disconnect because I have no idea what this shit of a device will start sending to Google and how much I'm gonna pay for it. It works for 10 minutes then it crashes and needs internet again.

Most useless piece of crap I ever bought.

Should have brought my RPi instead but it's busy keeping my home alive and well while I'm gone. Should have ordered in bulk.

WOOOP-DE-FUCKING-DO I HATE MY ISP (well actually the company which is reliable for the cable networks which lead to my/our new home).

WhAtEvErYoUmEaN and I moved yesterday to a new flat. Not spectacular at all except that mentioned company cancelled the appointment ON THE SAME FUCKING DAY! "We're so sorry. No internet until Thursday. At least"
Dickheads.

Well, so we are here in the middle of nowhere without internet. Time for old school books i guess😅

That moment when there is no internet connection at your office for whole day. Hahaha.
Freeeeee daaaaaay! XD

How bad is it for a fortune 500 company to open port 22 over the internet for all its linux servers?? Today, I reported this to my boss and he said "it won't be a problem, no one can login without a password".

The moment I need internet to do things (npm with angular), but the company moved to a new building and internet is screwed. It'll still take a while to set up. So now I'm sitting here, ranting on devrant and doing nothing.

My exact face and thoughts right now:

"there is no WiFi in hell"
- me, thinking about my new flat(that has no internet yet)
Still wondering why this sentence came to mind...

So couple of days ago a competitor ISP rep. came to our door, describing that people in the neighbourhood reported outtages to them from the competitor (thats already questionable, why would somebody report that to another ISP, instead of the actual ISP? like we always do) and they said they did their magical lines or whatever and that the old line we use is faulty etc. - the internet was actually stable for a good while now finally, now today it cut off, I suspect they want to force contract changes by "accidentally" fucking with the shit somewhere for sure, fucking shit gargling goblins, I was a client of that competitor ISP for a good portion of my life and each time I moved they left me without internet for atleast 5 months and that only because I threatened action, their general service also isn't more stable, literally fucking throwing a paperplane with my packets is more reliable than their bullshit alternative, their offer also would cut 90% of options I have with the current one, leaving me without telephone, tv, mobile and more - since all that would have to be contracted seperately, ending in roughly 450% actual raise per month, I fucking hate ISPs.

Create a full open-source company based on no-knowledge services to compete with the data hogs that pretty much own the internet as it stands

- Hey remember when there was no internet?

- no, not really..

LAMP site. Client: Can you stick it on a USB stick, I need to show it at an exhibition and there's no internet. Me: If I had your laptop I could potentially replicate the server set up to run it locally. Client: I just want it on a USB stick?

when there is no internet ...

Be me at work, 12h nights shift, 4th day like that
Following online course on machine learning, instructor says we'll use python 3.x as the interpreter for the project, boot personal laptop and start pycharms, create the file, choose right interpreter no big deal
pip install the modules I need for the course - done, try to import them.
Doesn't work, first reboot, still not working, browsing Internet for answers, no ideas, reboot again (you never know) reload pycharms, browse Internet again, find out the modules only work on python 2.7.
Wasted 45minutes for this shit
Feels good bro.

How do you tell HTML from HTML5?
Ans:
*Try it out in Internet Explorer
*Did it work?
* No?
* It's HTML5

Python haters, gather 'round

oh come on... In java it's all simple as 123. You build an app, you have like 200 dependencies, you pack it all in a single fat jar and only deploy that single .jar. Don't need no internet, no installs, no pip, no nothing: just your .jar file and the JVM.

So java:
- build an app
- use 200+ deps
- build your whole project into a single fat jar
- deploy your jar in the env
- install [*khem khem* scp into the server] jre
- run

Now let's look at py, shall we?
- build an app
- use 1 dep
- deploy all the 20 .py files in the env
- make sure you have internet access
- install python
- install pip
- pip install <my dependency>
- run your app

Well.. Free and stunning in one sentence in the internet??? 😂 😂 😂. Wix is my biggest nightmare, As I have to do a website for a client with wix... I even proposed js+wordpress, but no, he wants wix...

Dear diary,

It's been the second day without Internet at home. I have self-exiled to my parents where the last vestiges of civilization remain. Now my laptop starts throwing tantrums and won't move beyond the loading screen. I wonder what's next to break down.

So this will be my first rant/story sorry if it gets too long.

So finished work and I was like finally some days off, went to bed, woke up the next morning, went to near city to take care of some work, went back and I noticed they were digging the ground near my place, as I've found out from neighbors they were changing some pipes, well ok no problem arrived home, sat on my PC to study a bit and do a bit gaming, but guess what?? NO INTERNET well ok contacted the ISP, the idiots told me it will take them 2 days to arrive WTF? is this 2018 or 1918?? I was so pissed off but ok the next day they called me that they arrived, they checked and said that they will need to fix some wires they will return the same day.. so I've waited few hours but no internet, the asholes didn't came, so the next day they arrived and guess what?! the idiots that digged the holes cut the wires, instead of fucking contacting the ISP to ask for supervisor to tell them where they can dig they didn't know what was the fire for and they thought oh well lets cut the fucking wire, and instead of stopping and contacting the ISP about their mistake they continued with the digging and cut the wire at 3 places, so the ISP at the end called the police, the plumbers that did the digging where just laughing, why do you laugh you primitive ashole, even 10 year old would first ask if it can continue if it finds something that he didn't know about it (I call primitive the person not the job title), and the best part is that the idiots not only they cut the wire at 3 places they also took part of it out of the ground and then they filled the holes back! Now I won't have internet for 2 fucking weeks, yes in 2018 this is happening, at that moment I was so pissed, but kept my cool and contacted the ISP to give me LTE USB stick to use it for the next 2 weeks, sadly they couldn't do that wtf??? So I asked politely who will pay the damage for me not working for 2 weeks and they said that they will gladly pay the damage.. So I was confused because that literally meant that they will compassed me for the 2 weeks, so I re-asked are they sure about that and they said yes, so lets see what it will be done, in the meantime I solved the internet problem by using my phone to access internet on the PC.. But still its amazing how primitive people can be and how ISP don't have alternative solutions for such cases, just to point out this sam ISP bragged how they will be among the first to bring 5G when it arrives... LOL

I don't know what I would do if the person who owns the internet decides to turn off the internet forever. I would probably go insane trying to figure out what happened to the internet as I have no way to read about why he did it.

Ran out of mobile data, go to top it up and it's £3.00 for 100MB or £9 for 1GB ... I'll just wait 3 days with no internet

Some minutes ago our firewall in office overheated, no internet, no network, no real way to work some time for coffee and nerd talk - not bad at all

Fucking hate my internet, ubisoft and steam regularly have a free weekend where a game can be played for free during the weekend. Currently The Crew 2 is free to play for this weekend. Its been downloading for 24 hours and its only at 23%. In my experience that means I can play it on Sunday evening for about two hours and have no internet the rest of the weekend.

Confession:

Owned a smartphone for 10 years, this month was my first time ever getting 3G/4G connection ...

I prefer no internet when I'm out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I recently moved to another apartment. The technician who was going to install the internet connection on Saturday couldn't make it because apparently you hace to ask for permission with 48hrs of anticipationwith the administrator of the apartment complex. So all weekend with no internet I felt like a fucking caveman FML.

When you picked your next laptop on the internet but you still go to the local store to see how it looks and feels in real life and the store girl approaches and asks you if she can help with something? You respond: No, thank you. But what you actually mean: No you can't help me, you drone. I could program an app in half a day that would be more useful and helpful than you.

Hmm Monday morning and no Internet..
How do I stack overflow my "programming"?

Just kidding, Mobile Hotspot ftw.

I was pretty upset at my loved one today. She asks me how to save a file into a PDF, so I explained how to print to PDF from chrome, pretty simple, good so far. Then...
-"Hey, the file has an 'e' for internet, will they need internet to open the file?"
-No, why would they?
-The file has an 'e'
-Did you name it 'e'?
-No, but it has an 'e' like internet
-... You mean the icon?
-Yes
-Right click, click on properties and change the default program to Adobe...
-Oh God, it's so complicated, I'll ask someone else to do it
-What? It's literally 2 clicks!
-Why does it need internet?
-It doesn't! It's just the default
-The what?
-Cheez! Doesnt matter, just go to properties and click on 'Change'
-Fine! Done now what?... Ooh...
-Now click on Adobe Acrobat
-Awesome! Thanks! Now it's fixed, I'm so glad because I'm about to send it on an email and I'm sure my boss would have thrown a fit if they weren't able to open it offline
-😒

When they send you home because there's no Internet in the office.

Fuck
You stupid moron, that's a fucking T-Rex not a dragon

I really would like to post something deep here to harvest internet points, but instead I'll give you following quote.

"I have no fucking clue" -Me, 09/11/2021 18:19PM EST.

Well it all started in grade six I believe and it's all downhill from there.

So yeah, despite the technological advancements at present. Paying a lot of money just to have an internet connection with a maximum speed of only 5mbps, and having no connection during the evening.

Turning Internet Explorer and Microsoft Edge into anime girls does not change the fact that they still suck. I feel no pity.

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer 

If you type "Google" into Google, you can break the Internet.

So please, no one try it, even for a joke.

Y'know what's the worst part about all the internet censorship and cyber surveillance? The fact that no one notices it

This moment when your internet provider kills your VDSL for four months and offers you a 5GB LTE SIM as a replacement...

Not that I burn through hundreds of gigabytes a month or so...
Gosh sometimes I hate ISPs.

Apparently we quit our contract (we didn't) but they just internally fucked up and nobody could tell us what happened. Finally after directly contacting their management we got service back...

But hey an old laptop at the open window relaying all traffic through the barely receivable WiFi of our generous neighbors at least made devRant available :'D

Finally found a free noun on npm... I realized though, I have no idea how to promote a package I've built anymore. The internet is too noisey... Hmmm, how do you successfully get the word out these days?

the internet is only good enough for devRant and I have no games on my phone. After a time there aren't rants to read anymore. 😂

So I was doing some hackerrank challenges when I completed a challenge that kept me thinking for a lot.
In the moment I finished, no electricity in my home for a brief time. No internet. No submission.
This was destiny.

I'm too dumb for setting up Pi Hole 😭

Welp, there goes internet freedom.

I'm all for deregulation, but not for ISPs. Not when there is no competition. Not when a lack of competition is enforced by local, state, and federal law.

Deregulation of a government-enforced monopoly is just gross cronyist malfeasance.

So no decent internet for me the whole damn weekend and I have no more podcasts left to listen to while working. FUUUUU ...
The internet "technician" that was supposed to connect the house to VDSL really fucked my connection up - I escalated through support and I can't fix it.
(I hate it when I can't fix things myself! Especially electronic ones! Especially simple electronic ones! Damn it!)

Einmal mit Profis arbeiten!*

*[Translation, angry German to angry English:
I'd very much like to work with professionals. One. Fucking. Time.]

You think the FBI, and CIA would be smart enough not to put their shit on the internet... but no.

> builds portable NAS (useing a pi3) to have some Anime on the go
> connects to built-in wifi of NAS
> android be like: "this wifi has no internet, let me disconnrct for you"

...

What is with IT and their obsession with error messages?

"If there is no error message, I cannot help"

Your not going to get an error message because the problem is VPN is messing up my DNS due to tunneling. There is no error other than me not having Internet if VPN disconnects unless I reboot.

I hate it when software downloads an update
and then shuffles a notification up my face saying "An update has been downloaded and ready to install".
Just WTF is wrong with these developers! What if I say no then you just successfully wasted my fucking internet data and disk space. Thank you and no thank you idiots.

when you are the one that knows about networks and computer and no one else knows about and it's my fault that it doesn't work and the ISP has a full log of everything that has been done. how about no they don't because it's just router changes not anything that we browsed to on the internet. why don't you go back and do what you do and I do what I do?

Idiot award goes to me. Trying to connect to my WiFi Tried to install wpa_supplicant. No other Internet connection