Hopefully, you already know that the company controlled by the alledged reptiloid subhuman and olimpic testicle juggler formerly known as Mister Zuck My Tits is not to be trusted.

But as is always the case in this bitch, I've been forced into cowjizz flooded swamps' worth of stinking shit platforms for the sake of avoiding isolation.

And so, I've just found yet another way in which Facebook **THUNDERSTRIKE** ... the company, not the geriatric ward, is one of the CROWN ACHIEVEMENTS of human civilization.

Let me tell you something: some people are fucking broke. Hell, some people sleep on the streets, live on scraps, and willingly engage in acts of public defecation when provoked. But I'm not even talking about them no, just plain *broke*.

And so imagine being that guy who doesn't really use his phone much, except maybe for sharing cat pictures with mom because that's what being an absolute chad is all about. You don't get a new phone, because money is a __little__ bit tight. But THEN...

The dreaded CAPITAL strikes, and requests of you to bend and fall onto your knees so as to provide intense, intimate and manual -- as well as oral -- PLEASURE to the [NOT SO] METAPHORICAL PENIS of the """SYSTEM""".

Oh, what an abominable, drooooooling revenant that lies before you!

"Gimme your ass... " he says, menacingly, as you wail about in a futile attempt to guard and preserve the very last vestiges of your own anal virginity.

And so you fight, and kick him in the NADS with everything you have, down to the final shreds of vigor. Victory! Or so you thought...

"You must... " he mutters, mortally wounded "update WhatsApp... "

"Still you breathe?!" you exclaim, suddenly transformed into a heroic, sexy moustachoed arquebusier "After I'm done ~OILING~ my VICTORIOUS CHEST, I *shall* bestow DEATH uppon you!".

But as you rip open your shirt to apply sensual oiling to your marvellous frontal assets, your nemesis reveals it's portentous Portugal: "this new version of Android... " he gasps as he perishes "is incompatible with your device... "

"Ughh! Sacrebleu!" you shriek out in pain, realizing that you are now unable to ACCESS THE FUCKING DATA THAT IS IN YOUR OWN FUCKING HARDWARE BECAUSE OF A STUPID FORCED BINARY INCOMPATIBILITY.

That's right. Now even if I *do* get a new phone, I can't do shit about losing all of the family memes. And contacts and all of that shit, but the stickers are more important. A minor inconvenience, yes, and it didn't need all of this preamble but I was doing the dramatic fight scene bit inside my head as I was writing and I got into it.

Because the only documented way to transfer all of that data is to OPEN THE APPLICATION and scan some code, but everytime I go to do that, IT TELLS ME I NEED TO UPDATE. And every time I GO TO UPDATE, it says that MY PHONE is TOO FUCKING OLD!! AAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!

And you too, might be a dashing french man from centuries past, with both balls and tits down to your fucking knees, folding your arms in a position that exhumes smugness in a disgustingly irreverent and self-aggrandizing way, looking at me as a mere plebeian who cannot wrap his head around the mystical art of interacting with Google's black deuce box.

And you would be somewhat right in your judgement! But just having to fiddle about with these fucking pocket Elmo screens is such a traumatic experience for me that I'd rather lose my stickers.

[ADBREAK] Are you a debonair victorian undercover butt pirate, taking unparalleled care of your Falstaffian, highfalutin poils pubiens? Need your "sword" sharpened, as you browse through the pages of this magnanimous lexicon? Would you rather allocate final death to your coworkers than learn one more synonym for sonorous, supercilious and pontifical?

We all know that ALL you need to help keep that honor intact is slaying your enemies in high-stakes combat. But how to satisfy less gallant needs, when male prostitution is outlawed in more than sixteen duchies?

Look no further than BloodCurse, the ancient hex that will haunt your family for countless generations! With BloodCurse, you may crawl the earth as a mindless, shameless, piece of shit cockswallowing JUGGERNAUT that craves nothing BUT the consumption of scabbed human ass!

BloodCurse is easily contracted through consumption of the GENITAL fluids of highly-lecherous succubi, conjured through [EXTREMELY CENSORED]! This forbidden arcana allows the user to debour HIS OWN testicles in no time!

Get your bottle of scents, sensual Portuguese chest oils, and fucking designer-drug bath salts for the low, low price of a passionate, unceassing self-blowjob! And use my code FRONTALASSETS for 60% OFF in your next soul-robbing foray into the felational dark arts!

Big ups to BloodCurse for sponsoring this RRRRRRRR~$RRR$$RR%5RRRRR$0000:>A48CC50A E3A1B22A : 330D4750 7C24E5A5|.......*3.GP|$.. 5262E7D5 0D1C24E6 : 85594B39 1CB7593E|Rb......YK9..Y>

:~

Hi. I'm a recent senior dev and for a long time, even before reaching senior, I'm always being overloaded with questions and meets everytime. People asking why are the services returning error (when they could at least make the first analysis and give it to me), asking me to join meets for whatever the reason, people asking how to configure environments, interns asking for help, HR asking for interns feedback. So much workload I can't even focus on the actual developments. Is this the real meaning of a senior dev? Or is this just bad management and bad company culture?

Sugoi, Sugoi

if you're unemployed you can't get a house in 1000 years

but hey, there's good news

if you're employed you can get a house in 100 years

44k downloads. Fuck you I'm gonna install!

True story

When buying hardware:

To the cunts that build ‘news’ stories with an ad block every few paragraphs, but don’t define the space in which they sit so whilst you are reading the text will suddenly jump as the ad is loaded, this continues as you scroll down the page. Just fucking stop it!

If your application cannot fully function in a development environment, with the excuse that certain functionalities can only be executed in production, the reason is that your system is a huge piece of shit.

An army general is newly stationed in a desert post. On his first day, he calls for a soldier to show him around. While doing this, he notices a camel randomly tied to a tent.

He asks the soldier, “Soldier, why is that camel tied to the tent?”

The soldier looks awkward and answers, “Er, well Sir, as you know there are no women on the base so er, the camel is there for when the men get certain…um…urges”

The general nods in understanding And says, “Well I don’t condone this behaviour, but I suppose I understand”

A few weeks into the post, the general starts feelings these urges himself. He calls for the soldier to bring the camel to his tent. He then goes outside, gets a stool, and has wild animal sex with the camel.

After he’s finished, he climbs confidently off of the stool and sees the soldier staring at him, wide-eyed.

“So” the general says with a grin, “Is that how you boys do it here?”

The soldier answers, still wide-eyed, “No Sir, we usually just ride the camel into the nearby town where the women are”

My phone's WIFI hotspot is called "ThePromisedLANd".

I'm that sort of gal 😜

Just had my first proper pull request to an open source project accepted 😎

i had this weird dream. i invented a programming language that was connected to the physical world. every time an object was instantiated during runtime, a 3D printer would print this object immediately in real time, into the void of a confined space without gravitation (like a physical stack, but not like a stack). if this object was passed objects as function parameters of its methods, these little objects were printed as well and temporarily moved into the orbit of this object, orbiting it like electrons or little moons.

Haha nice!!

Intern: what’s my purpose ?
Senior dev: you write unit test for my code
Intern: 😓

Every single time a cool electronic device comes out, that connects to an API. The nerd in me can’t resist getting on a 3 month waiting list to get said gadget. I impatiently wait. I get gadget. It’s usually cool but never as cool as the marketing made it seem….thats not the rant yet.

Within 2 year the company is gone and i’m left with a $500-$1,000 paperweight that doesn’t work anymore.

This has happened to every single device I have bought that wasn’t from a billion $ company.

These companies would rather screw everyone over instead of simply making the backend of product open-source so people that use the product can at least try to get it working again.

My 1st rant. Sorry in much better in real life at bitching about things 😎

I get to live undeservedly comfortable life.

Bad dev habit: spending weeks modifying your IDE/OS instead of actually working on tasks.

EDIT: devRant April Fools joke (2021)
-------------------------
Hey everyone,

@trogus and I are happy to make an exciting announcement. With the rapidly increasing success of NFTs, we've decided the devRant community shouldn't miss out on this compelling new paradigm for user-generated content. So, we will soon be offering all rants as NFTs at auction.

To kick things off, we're going to first be offering the first ever rant posted to devRant (https://devrant.com/rants/489/...) at auction for a starting price equivelent to $100,000 USD. We think this is a fair starting price for such a significant piece of devRant history, and we anticipate the final sale price to be significantly higher.

We look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts on this new direction for the devRant community, and we can't wait to see the Rant NFT market take off!

Sincerely,
@dfox & @trogus

I was a bootcamper. I’m on my first job now (I’m still currently at the same place after a year and a half). Doing web development (all JS/TS) with node, react and angular. I started it out working with another guy and now I’m alone. I’ve made more progress being alone since I’ve had to take on stuff my colleague was doing. But with being alone comes more pressure as it’s all on me and when shit hits the fan I don’t really have anybody I can fall back on. Also I feel like I’m missing out on team dynamics and learning from other people I could be working with. In any case I’m learning a lot, I’m meeting the deadlines and getting the job done. It’s a good first experience.

A: Hey, can we talk about X for 5 minutes?

B: Yes, sure. I'm joining the meeting

...

...

You have left the room:
Meeting duration: 1 hour and 15 minutes

This is today's reality.

Sir i am a newbie student to CP. I have recently started CP and just know array , strings , loops , function and basic libraries along with logic.
Where and what roadmap shall i follow so that i can get rated nicely and quickly on codeforces?
(Currently about 700 rating).

I’m currently into be process of doing interviews and to my worst luck, it seems like all of my offers may be collapsing tightly together within a week.

Some places seem to be more eager than others saying they will get back to me within a week, but I’ve also had an experience where a company seemed like they were really sure on getting me on board but it seems they’ve ghosted me when it came to providing an offer to sign.

For example, this Tuesday I should be hearing from company B who is willing to counter any other offer should another company wants me (I also told them that within a week I should know my answer for them) - which I assume is when I will be signing and making it official, but I am still waiting on company A whom I really want to work for (they still haven’t given an offer) and then there’s company C, which seems prospective and higher paying who will interview me but only after after company B’s deadline.

If I officially get signed on to B, should I still proceed with the interview with C regardless?

Some companies have told me that if someone is paying me (ex.) 75k that they’re willing to counter it - should I divulge details which companies is doing this?

When you get it.

Not anti-man, curious about this particular problem:
Females have unique problems in the workplace and personal life yes, because of stereotypes.
I agree, I am a female. But when i read those articles about what we really go through, I really feel weak. I think if these many obstacles are present how am I supposed to do something without instinctively being influenced by the society.
It really felt better when I consider myself human not female.

What do you people do when you feel weakened by these impositions?

What is the best and easy programming language

Death Sentence for devs who won't let you unsubscribe from newsletters without logging in

Here in Saint Petersburg, Russia, our local governmental utility company that is responsible for providing tap water for the entire city, uses crayfish to monitor the water composition.

There are some crayfishes living at the plant and there are some scientists that constantly monitor the crayfish via optical fiber to measure how they feel. If crayfish feels bad, the water is cut out and the inspection begins. There are operators that are paid to watch for crayfish mood throughout the day.

This system works flawlessly since 2005 and helped prevent several accidents when toxic stuff that can’t be monitored on a large scale ended up in our local river.

I mean coal miners was using canaries and rats for years to detect what detectors just can’t detect good enough.

Our entire tap water system depends on some crayfish and it’s amazing.

Can we just take a minute to recognize that clicking on the uninstall button in Windows 10 not actually uninstalling the app and instead opening an uninstall program page, where I need to look up the app again and it sometimes may not even be registered there, is one of the most fucking retarded as fuck piece of shit design decisions in the history of programming design?

How fucking hard is it to just trigger the uninstall for the fucking app? Why the fuck is there an uninstall option in the first place you wet waffle of a designer.