Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

!rant

I complained during a dev team review about the too many dev calls/meetings we have that are supposed to improve our productivity but instead feel like interrupting our work and line of thoughts when focusing on something.

I expected the team lead to bash me or say "Nooo, these meetings are important bla bla bla" but he received it quite positively and already changed how we do things.

32, 34, 38, 46, 62, 94 and so on.

Finally moved. My Internet speed went from 500kbs in general to 50mbs!

I can finally download por.... ISO's without having to wait for hours!

When I Googled a problem I faced, and found a YouTube video solving it, then tried to thumb 👍 it up, but YouTube said: "You can not like your own videos!"
.
.
I recorded it for a friend two years ago!

3rd time pushing my MYSQL password to Github... 😂

Look what I achieved today in Windows 7. Felt good. Today is a good day....

Them: Maintaing code quality is a vital part of our team culture!
Me: Really, how important? Can a feature slip to facilitate necessary refactoring?
Them: Well no. We've made a commitment to the client.
Me: So, code quality is not very important then is it...

My friend: I built a 3D printer and coded it to self calibrate at startup and connect to my encrypted remote server through VPN to securely retrieve Cad files I constructed and start itself printing when everything is ready or alert if theres an issue

Me: aren't you less than a year older than me?

This was when we were underclassmen in college a few years ago 😂 turns out the dudes just a savant

Twitter: We use your tweets to analyze your preferences and target ads for you..

Facebook & Whatsapp: We monitor your posts, locations, private chats and target ads for you..

Google: We spy your mails, sms, location, pretty much all your activity and tailor ads for you..

All of them combined: No one can beat us in breaching privacy and bombarding you with ads..

Amazon: Hold my beer 🍺

Props to the devs who made this app, literally does nothing but still have 1 million dowloads and tons of 5 stars.

the banner speaks it for all....

Upgrade! :D

Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza.

Did I dial the wrong number?

No sir, Google bought the pizza store.

Oh, alright - then I’d like to place an order please.

Okay sir, do you want the usual?

The usual? You know what my usual is?

According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.

Okay - that’s what I want this time too.

May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?

No, I hate vegetables.

But your cholesterol is not good.

How do you know?

Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol.

But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets.

I bought more from another drugstore.

It’s not showing on your credit card sir.

I paid in cash.

But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.

I have another source of cash.

This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.

WHAT THE HELL? ENOUGH! I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I’m going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me …

I understand sir, but you’ll need to renew your passport … it expired 5 weeks ago.

Every time I have to Google a method/function, that I know I have already looked up and used a million times previously.

This job posting proves they're in desperate need of graphics designer..

Linux smh

IT guy's will understand

a little programmer

If you let me use your WiFi, I feel bad for you son.
I can see your 99 problems, and porn is definitely one!

😉😂😂😂😂

Fixing tire pressure.
40.4 psi
"Oh, there's no air in the tire"
>>Confused looks