I want a TV program like "Kitchen Nightmares" but with IT companies.
And with Linus Torvalds in place of Gordon Ramsey

We just spent 30 minutes standing around watching Elon Musk launch his car into orbit.

I love working in IT.

Finally moved. My Internet speed went from 500kbs in general to 50mbs!

I can finally download por.... ISO's without having to wait for hours!

Got a phone interview for a backend dev job in an opsec company.

Interviewer:
This is a very serious and prestigious position, we take care of the most important bits of code.

*Proceeds to talk introductory nonsense*

Interviewer:
Do you know what a DNS is?

Me:
Yes, of course! DNS stands for Domain Name System.... Blah blah blah... I explain about the servers, about hosts file, about DNS spoofing and everything else possible on this topic.

Interviewer:
See, I was patient with you - letting you finish. I'm not sure what you're talking about and where you got it from, but a DNS is that line in the browser where you type the site's name.

He didn't ask any more questions, just told me that they'll get back to me. I asked not to do that.

Three weeks later I got an email claiming that I'm not qualified.

That moment when

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

I'm not a designer but...

"Professor, my if loop isn't working!"
IF LOOP!?!?!?!! 😫🔫

Dear self proclaimed wordpress 'developers/programmers', kindly go fuck yourself.

I'm not talking about wordpress devs/designers who don't claim to have a better skillset than they have and are actually willing to learn, those are very much fine.

I'm talking about those wordpress people who claim that they're developers, programmers or whatever kind of bullshit which they're obviously not.

"A client's site crashed, you have to fix it!!!!!" sorry, come again? It's YOUR client's site. It's hosted on our hosting platform meaning that WE are responsible for KEEPING THE SERVERS UP AND FUNCTIONING.
You call yourself a wordpress 'developer' with 'programming experience' for 10 years but the second one of your shitty sites crashes, you come to us because 'it's your responsibility!!!'.
No, it's not. Next to that fact, the fact that you have to ask US why the site is crashing while you could easily login to your control panel, go to the fucking error logs and see that one of your facebook plugins crashes with a quite English error message, shows me that you definitely don't have 10 years of programming experience. And if you can't find that fucking article which tells you exactly where the motherfucking error logs are, don't come crying to us asking to fix your own fucking bullshit.

"My clients site got hacked, you have to clean it up and get it online again ASAP!!!!" - Nah, sorry, not my responsibility. The fact that you explicitly put your wordpress installation on 'no automatic updates' also doesn't help with my urge to fucking end you right now.
Add to that that we have some quite clear articles on wordpress security which you appearantly found too difficult (really? basic shit like 'set a strong fucking password' is too difficult for you?), you're on your own.

"I'm getting an error, please explain what's going wrong as soon as you can! this is a prio 1!!!!" - Nope. You were a wordpress dev/programmer right? Please act like one.

I'm not your personal wordpress agent.

I'm not your personal hacked wordpress site cleanup guy.

I'm not even a fucking wordpress professional. No, I'd rather jump off a bridge than develop wordpress bullshit for a living.

That you chose to do this, not a problem. Just don't rely on me for fixing your shit.

I'm sick of cleaning up your bullshit.

I'm done with answering your high prio tickets about bullshit which any dev could find out with just a few minutes of searching.

Oh your wordpress site isn't showing up so high in google? Yeah sure, shoot a ticket at us blaming us for your own SEO mess. I'm a fucking sysadmin, not a SEO expert.

I'm fucking done with you.

Go die in a fucking corner.

Just found a great talk on JS: "Essential JavaScript Debugging Tools", thought other people, especially the ones currently just learning it, might enjoy it.

The whole channel is a sub recommendation anyway, as they always publish great talks and videos for webdev and more.

https://youtube.com/watch/...

So much truth

My morning bowl of serial 😂😂

I am curious whether facebook IS listening to conversations or not.
Living with my girlfriend in a small appartment, yesterday we were talking about some shitty game we both played around 10 years ago, I was wondering whether the game still exists and googled on my phone (via LTE, not wifi) - yeah the game is still online and still the same shit.
Today she saw facebook sponsored ads to this game on HER facebook.

Today we watched a movie (Valerian and the thousands planets) - and there was this ship which looked similar to Millenium Falcon. I noted that in the midtime. After the movie - guess what - opened the facebook abd there was a sponsored ad to buy Millenium Falcon miniature or lego figure.

How? Randomized events? I do not think so. This was not the first time it happened.

Note: we are not native english speakers, maybe "millenium falcon" could be the only catch fb could achieve?

On a company meeting there was a discussion wether to trigger an event by hover or mouse click for 20 minutes. then..
Me: "There is no mouse click without hover."
-- silence --

Product manager: "Programmers are limitted to computer programs, that's why app developers can do mobile devices too!"

Me: "Programmers are not limited to computer programs, its a general skill"

Product Manager: "Then why App
Development is a career?"

After finishing CS degree..
Grandma: good! now you can fix my tv. why cant i turn it off?

SICK AND TIRED OF READABILITY VS. EFFICIENCY!!!!!!!

I HAD TO SEPARATE A 4 LOC JSON STRING, WHICH HAD AN ARRAY OF A SINGLE KEY-VALUE PAIRS (TOTAL OF 10 OBJECTS IN THE ARRAY).

ITS READABLE IF YOU KNOW JSON. HOW HARD IS TO READ JSON FORMAT IF YOU GET YOUR STYLE AND INDENTATION PROPERLY?!?

SO I HAD TO
BREAK THE POOR FREAKING JSON APART TO A FUCKING DIFFERENT YAML FILE FORMAT ONLY SO I CAN CALL IT FROM THERE TO THE MAIN CONTROLLER, ITERATE AND MANIPULATE ALL THE ID AND VALUES FROM YAML BACK TO MATCH THE EXPECTED JSON RESPONSE IN THE FRONT END.

THE WHOLE PROCESS TOOK ME ABOUT 15 MINUTES BUT STILL, THE FUCKING PRINCIPLE DRIVES ME INSANE.

WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I WASTE TIME AT AN ALREADY WORKING PIECE OF CODE, TO MAKE IT LESS EFFICIENT AND A SLIGHTLY BIT MORE READABLE?!? FML.

Suddenly i realize, the present is a constant context-switch
-- insert mond blown gif here --

The biggest code gag in JS:

typeof NaN === "number"

That moment when PM writes "click on learn more" on the whiteboard, but the 'c' and 'l' are too close together and it seems like one letter 😂

I had a ticket to enhance the loading of a page.

So instead of doing 40K requests to a MySQL DB in order to generate a tree and display it to to the user on each page visit, the initial query was optimized and moreover, the results are saved in a MongoDB which will then are served to the user on each page visit.

Long story short, after a code review the code got shipped to production and there was a bug which got fixed in a Hotfix shortly afterwards.

I got all the blame for the bug.
I don't deny I have a responsibility for the bug.
Do you guys think the code reviewer also has a shared responsibility for the bug?

!rant
Thinking about quitting my job and opening a bar named "foo" where the walls have a tapestry of random foo-bar code examples. (Easy conversation starter for programmers)

Occasionally i got my badass moments at work.
But that one bachelor party in Barcelona where about 10 of my pals and I came back from a soccer match topped it all.

As we got back to our AirBnB apartment i went to the bathroom and scanned the WiFi.
I found the IP address of the bachelor's party man of honor and MITM attacked him.

So each image from any http server would automatically get swapped with a picture i took just an hour ago from the game we were at.

5 minutes later i hear the screams "OMFG WE ARE ALL ON THE NEWS GUYS!!!" and "LOOK AT SPORTS SITE X AND NEWS SITE Y!!"
The saga continued with some cheers in the beginning and some confusion, but ended when another friend rat on me..

But boy it was glorious 😂

My back - for the countless hours of pain from not sitting straight.

My neck - for not letting go of my head even when it reaches 30° incline relative to my back.

Hah!
I just broke my record and generated (not exported or imported) the biggest SQL file!
A massive 15.7GB SQL file monster.

I hope the import will go well.

After finishing up 70% of a feature,
Brain: "there's a better way to do it"
Me: "ok ill just change a bit of code here and there.."
-- 2 hours later --
swimming in spaghetti code..

I dont know if the algo is broken or something but i suspect @ThatDude is a machine. I see him even on every forsaken rant!

Probably a very sophisticated AI droid since his freakin' funny too..

require "universe"
require "bioDan"

class ProductManager
def initialize(person_type)
@ideas = Universe.import_random_ideas({ mostly_shitty: true, association: person_type })
life_purpose
end

def life_purpose
@ideas.find_each do |idea|
bioDan.interrupt! unless bioDan.bad_mood?
bioDan.queue << idea
end
end
end

ProductManager.create "enthusiastic prick"

%x[crontab -e "0 09 * * * ruby this_script.rb > /dev/null"]

# 😥

Start-ups and corporations trying new things be like:
"Why should we pay a developer or a company to develop this and this for us when we can just:
- start a competition.
- get free design mockups and code.
- decide which is better.
- reward a small prize and maybe some freebies to the competitors.
- profit. FREE CHEAP CODE AND DESIGNS!!!"

It might be the reasonable and logical thing to do from a business standpoint if its about code you need to rarely maintain..

But from an independent developer viewpoint - FUCK YOU AND THE SLOW ENSLAVEMENT OF MY SPECIE!!!

I almost died crossing the street today.
I saw all the code i ever wrote pass before my eyes.