The death I want ...

How progressive is this :)

1 . Seen it
2 . Mind blown
3 . Why i didn't thought of that
I loveee the ideea

Marvelous.....

My PC when I use it: "..."

My PC when I look at something on my phone: *gentle fan hum*

My PC when I resume activity : "..."

My PC, 5 minutes after leaving it: **VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV**

** sits down, still big fan blowing, open up the task manager to see what's bugging the system **

** PC calms down **

I have an overly attached PC?

> had an exam with a friend

> we both go to comp sci college

> had to write a fucked up algorithm in matlab

> he hates matlab

> he completes the task

> the variable that outputs the result is called holocaust

> he gets sent to dean

> expelled

Virus in a bottle

Even debugger can't beat this.

My wife: “Commit, then come to bed.”

I think the most annoying thing of being a programmer is to accidentally press ctrl + s on a browser because of having been saving so much

Why did the integer drown?

Because it wouldn't float.

My friend said "I googled it on duck duck go"

Me: Dude what?

Q: How long did the loop take?

A: For a while

Random guy : Well I'm not tracked on the internet, I use private tabs.
Me : Well, I'm not sleeping with your mom, I use condoms

I think server down time is because of rain 🌧

Me: “I want the AWS instance with 2TB of RAM.”

Friend: “What on earth for!?”

Me: “I need to run the Slack client and Chrome at the same time.”

The Web developer's equivalent to, "have you turn it off and on again":

"Try clearing the cache"

Girlfriend: What's your biggest fear?

Me: That machines take over the world.

Girlfriend: What?

Toaster: What?

So this happened last night...

Gf: my favorite bra is not fitting me anymore
Me: get a new one ?
Gf: but it is a C already.
Me: get a c++.

After 5 sec i bursted in laughter, she was confused.

Had a customer on the phone who couldn't figure something out. Wanted to give him instructions so I asked him whether he used mac or windows (getting used to not including Linux in that question). His reply: uhm this has a weird name... do you know elementary os?

Me: you're a Linux user?!
Him: yes, I'm done with windows and mac.

Then i gave him the instructions. Nice twist of the day!

If Gordon Ramsay made code reviews, I would watch that show. Especially the insults he would use for handling clients.

"This code has so much spaghetti, it decided to open it's own restaurant"

A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday.

Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?

Source: Twitter @cryptomanran

Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.

Best story ever

This really happened to me yesterday at work.

Me: *walks into office*
Coworker: Hey Will, I got a question for you
Me: I...[read more]

Our programming teacher had a surgery on his left eye and will not be able to do the lessons with us. Guess what the subject of the email he sent us was.

"I can't C#."
He made a pun about his fucking health status, alright then.

I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...

I sent them my salary slip..They removed it from my computer immediately..

I wanna cry.

My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.

GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"

My friend said this,

Roses are red,
The screen turned blue,
I'm not a programmer,
What the fuck do I do.

Most people.
"Dance like no one is looking"

Me.
"Sudo like you have backups"

What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.