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Search - "bad jokes"
"devRant has changed" "I'm so fed up with this site" "Its a bunch of hate and memes, it was so much better before"
devRant is approximately the same as it was when it was just a newborn. Remember the days of semicolon jokes being unironically funny?
Look at the top rants of all time, for fucks sake. #2 ever is:
"A different error message! Finally some progress!"
Posted three years ago. That's the second most upvoted rant in history (Remember, this was a "rant" because the joke/meme category didn't exist back then), it made it's way into the app store screenshots, and was a welcome post.
Now imagine that posted today. It would probably go over okay, in fairness, but it's certainly at risk of any number of pretentious pricks complaining about how this is "devRANT not 4chan" or how they had seen the joke before and it's a shitty repost.
And sure, the repost bullshit is fair. I'm not saying that all the reposts are good content. What I'm saying is devRant has always been full of reposts - they just weren't reposts in the early days. The quality of content is the same.
There's also the common misconception that your posts need to be directly related to tech to post on devRant. This is a myth propagated by 0 IQ heathens that don't read any further than the name of the application. Your posts can be anything that isn't prohibited, like porn, spam, and, importantly, politics (commonly overlooked rule)
"All the memes are just too much". Oh you poor fucking baby, let me pour you a healthy serving of pity juice. First of all, you can turn off the memes category, and while they will still find their way to your feed, the concentration will be much lower and it will once again be bearable for your pitiful, weak little soul. Do you seriously get annoyed that severely by shitty posts that you need to leave the app altogether, or do you just want the attention of being a "cool hipster that hates on xyz"?
"This place is just filled with hate! Why can't you just respect xyz technology, it isn't actually that bad!"
This is probably the most stupid fucking thing you could possibly ejaculate from your fingers into whatever device you are using to type. Welcome to devRant, we hate on shit. That's at our core. No, xyz technology ISN'T actually that bad, you're correct. But we're here to tear it apart because it probably has frustrated us in the past. I fucking hate JS because it was my first language and it confused the shit out of me. JS is a great language. But I still talk shit about it, and that's what we're here to do.
Like seriously, I know a lot of people post stuff they're proud of here, and then they're met with "Would be great if you didn't use xyz tech", and that hurts, but holy shit, this is devRant. If you're sensitive to criticism, or even just straight up being made fun of, don't post shit that you're proud of. You won't have a good time. It's just not what we do here.
Quick interlude before the conclusion, "My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object." is also on the first page of all-time most popular posts.
In conclusion, devRant has not changed. Reposts have been a nuisance since day 0, and just because reposts look different these days doesn't mean the quality of content has decreased in any manner. The two main sources of your frustration are the volume of low-quality posts (Mind you, not the concentration of them, but the volume of them) and your own prejudices about the platform. You're looking back with rose-tinted glasses.
Here are some tips for a more enjoyable experience:
-Make sure you have the "Hide reposts" setting ENABLED in settings. Any posts marked as repost will be hidden in your feed, pulling down the concentration of low-quality posts.
-Keep to the algo sorting method. Obviously, algo is a bot, and there's still gonna be some shit content in there anyways, but if you're in recent, you are absolutely guaranteed to see low-quality posts. It's unfiltered.
-Keep in mind that what you consider a "quality" post is not what others consider a "quality" post. Just because you don't like memes doesn't mean memes are poor content. There are people here who have never seen the bobby tables comic. And they deserve the same experience we got when discovering dev humor.
-Don't be a prick. And if you cannot help yourself, leave. Ironically, you're making the site worse by complaining about how bad the site is. You can always come back if you aren't a prick anymore. And you can leave permanently if you choose as well.
-Downvote and move on. You're not doing anything but making yourself more aggravated by leaving a shitty comment about how shitty the shitty post is.
-Think critically. Obviously optional, and I know not many people like to use their brain when a phone is suspended between their hands, but if you want a better experience, remember to use your head and not to lose it.26
This rant is a confession I had to make, for all of you out there having a bad time (or year), this story is for you.
Last year, I joined devRant and after a month, I was hired at a local company as an IT god (just joking but not far from what they expected from me), developer, web admin, printer configurator (of course) and all that in my country it's just called "the tech guy", as some of you may know.
I wasn't in immediate need for a full-time job, I had already started to work as a freelancer then and I was doing pretty good. But, you know how it goes, you can always aim for more and that's what I did.
The workspace was the usual, two rooms, one for us employees and one for the bosses (there were two bosses).
Let me tell you right now. I don't hate people, even if I get mad or irritated, I never feel hatred inside me or the need to think bad of someone. But, one of the two bosses made me discover that feeling of hate.
He had a snake-shaped face (I don't think that was random), and he always laughed at his jokes. He was always shouting at me because he was a nervous person, more than normal. He had a tone in his voice like he knew everything. Early on, after being yelled for no reason a dozen of times, I decided that this was not a place for me.
After just two months of doing everything, from tech support to Photoshop and to building websites with WordPress, I gave my one month's notice, or so I thought. I was confronted by the bosses, one of which was a cousin of mine and he was really ok with me leaving and said that I just had to find a person to replace me which was an easy task. Now, the other boss, the evil one, looked me on the eye and said "you're not going anywhere".
I was frozen like, "I can't stay here". He smiled like a snake he was and said "come on, you got this we are counting on you and we are really satisfied with how you are performing till now". I couldn't shake him, I was already sweating. He was rolling his eyes constantly like saying "ok, you are wasting my time now" and left to go to some basketball practice or something.
So, I was stuck there, I could have caused a scene but as I told you, one of the bosses was a cousin of mine, I couldn't do anything crazy. So, I went along with it. Until the next downfall.
I decided to focus on the job and not mind for the bad boss situation but things went really wrong. After a month, I realised that the previous "tech guy" had left me with around 20 ancient Joomla - version 1.0 websites, bursting with security holes and infested with malware like a swamp. I had never seen anything like it. Everyday the websites would become defaced or the server (VPN) would start sending tons of spam cause of the malware, and going offline at the end. I was feeling hopeless.
And then the personal destruction began. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was having panick attacks at the office's bathroom. My girlfriend almost broke up with me because I was acting like an asshole due to my anxiety issues (but in the end she was the one to "bring me back"(man, she is a keeper)) and I hadn't put a smile on my face for months. I was on the brink of depression, if not already there. Everyday I would anxiously check if the server is running because I would be the one to blame, even though I was trying to talk to the boss (the bad one was in charge of the IT department) and tell him about the problem.
And then I snapped. I finally realised that I had hit rock bottom. I said "I can't let this happen to me" and I took a deep breath. I still remember that morning, it was a life-changing moment for me. I decided to bite the bullet and stay for one more month, dealing with the stupid old server and the low intelligence business environment. So, I woke up, kissed my girlfriend (now wife), took the bus and went straight to work, and I went into the boss's office. I lied that I had found another job on another city and I had one month in order to be there on time. He was like, "so you are leaving? Is it that good a job the one you found? And when are you going? And are you sure?", and with no hesitation I just said "yup". He didn't expect it and just said "ok then", just find your replacement and you're good to go. I found the guy that would replace me, informing him of every little detail of what's going on (and I recently found out, that he is currently working for some big company nowadays, I'm really glad for him!).
I was surprised that it went so smoothly, one month later I felt the taste of freedom again, away from all the bullshit. Totally one of the best feelings out there.
I don't want to be cliche, but do believe in yourself people! Things are not what the seem.
With all that said, I want to give my special thanks to devRant for making this platform. I was inactive for some time but I was reading rants and jokes. It helped me to get through all that. I'm back now! Bless you devRant!
I'm glad that I shared this story with all of you, have an awesome day!17
I don't have any laptop stickers. I don't know if that makes me insane or one of the non-crazy people. I just don't like the idea of turning my laptop into a Nascar of tech companies/frameworks/bad Linux jokes. Not to mention stickers can be a real pain to get off.14
Things that made me happy today:
- solving 3 bugs
- being able to help out a colleague
- my contract being extended (yay!)
- chocolate Easter eggs
Things that I didn't like today:
- that fucking strong wind I had to bike through
- it's Monday.
- the rough tone of conversation in the office today. One of my (generally very nice) colleagues showed his good mood today in making even more sexually explicit jokes / comments than usual today. Even though most of them they were not directed at me directly, I was bad at coping with that today. If this continues, I'll mention it to him, and hope he'll understand. When our Gitlab went down at 5 I decided to call it a day.
Thanks for your time if you read until now. Have a nice day3
So someone gave me an idea today.
I am about go start going to school again soon and someone suggested having a locker competition.
My idea is this:
Have an lcd screen mounted to the outside. It will display a link. The link will be to a Twitter page specifically for the locker.
When I open the door it will tweet that the door was opened using a different message every time.
When I haven't opened it for a few minutes it will start tweeting about how it is getting bored and start tweeting jokes or something.
Also LED strips..
Does anyone have an idea how to power this? Also I know that it is dumb. Too bad, I am doing it anyways.21
The last 5 months have been tough.... My boss ( who was a close friend) quit and I become interim department head... Trying to run a team who didn't seem happy I'd taken the reigns.
At the same time my wife's ongoing battle with her anxiety had gotten worse and she really needed my help with everything possible at home..
In March I was confirmed as the HoD but I was still doing 3 to 4 days a week on client delivery, trying to support all presales activities, manage a team of 10 people, travel for work and support my family....😩
It really got to me and I was close to breaking... The worry of not replying to an email ASAP no matter what time of day would eat me up, working late every night... It got too much and I was running on fumes with my weekends just me completely wiped out and useless to the family. 😓
I had a escape last weekend to a 🍻 beer 🍻 festival with friends that I was considering not going too and just losing the money but the wife made me go...
And it broke me even more... So much that its somehow put the pieces back in the right order in my brain and snapped me out of my major rut!
Somehow, sitting with friends, making stupid jokes, drinking way too much and blocking out all the work crap gave my brain the hard reset it needed. 🤟
This week I've come back a different person ( wife's words) work is a breeze, exciting and encouraging.... 👊
I can't get enough of playing silly games with my kids all night
And couldn't feel any more positive about things if I tried.... Set that spark back for my wife too! 😏💏
So.... After that long rant 👀
Tl;Dr - work and life got too much... Close to giving up... Too much beer with good company gave me a hard reset and I feel like a new person.... 👍
Plus the team is now loving the new direction and strategy too 👔
Who says drinking is bad for you? 😂🍻11
Felt bad for everyone working on Christmas, so I just pushed an update to all my programs which will pop up random Christmas jokes to the working users on Christmas day. Hope that brightens their day!3
Hey Guys :)
I'm new to devRant and I already read a lot of interesting stories and jokes and now I would like to post the first thing myself. :D
I would like to present you my new Android app "WhatsBirthday", which I made in order to solve a big problem of mine, friends (and probably the whole world xD). I have (as a Google User) all my contacts (with their birthdays) in the cloud and from there on my calendar. Sadly the Google calendar doesn't allow notifications for the contacts birthdays (I mean whyyy?!). And even if I take a look at my calendar, I always have to write these annoying birthday WhatsApp message to the people ... and these both were the problems I wanted to solve with my app.
So if you join the app, it will start a service (an Alarm / Alarmmanager for the professionals) which will take a look at the contacts every day at 6 am (can be set in the app). For each contact whose birthday is today, the application will send a push notification which if clicked will directly open the contacts WhatsApp chat and prepare a standard message with the name filled in, which could (in theory) directly send. For sure the app won't sends any messages by itself, but it gives you a template you can start working with.
And for sure, you can edit the template in the app & specify the messages for family and friends, which you can choose to use with the notification buttons.
So yeah, that's is and I hope I've aroused your interest ;) if you would like to download it: https://play.google.com/store/apps/...
I would be super happy if you could give me some feedback, it's one of my first apps and I would definitely like to improve it! Tanks in previous! :D
And I would like to say sorry for my bad English skills, I'm a German student :O if the translations in the app are not good, please tell me! ;)30
Was at school the other day and met a dude who was told by an acquaintance that I'm a "computer guy".
Dude comes up to me and jokes that the acquaintance was spreading rumors about me being a programmer. I was a bit confused and tell him that I do in fact program, and then he asks me what I've done, to which I explain what languages I've dealt with.
Next thing he asks me: "Have you made an OS?"
He tells me about how he went through Linux From Scratch. I have no idea how in-depth that book goes, if someone who has read it could enlighten me that'd be nice.
Acquaintance mentions that I won an app contest. (At this point, I'm internally telling acquaintance to shut his face.) I explain what I made(an Android app that helps sort Lego pieces) and he promptly tells me that I just used an API and barely wrote any code.
After (hopefully calmly) going back and forth with him, I just say "So I write bad code. What's it matter to you?" He stopped talking right there.
He apologized later. Yeah right, I'm sure you're sorry.8
Hey there! -first rant-
I need your advice mighty ranters.. I'm an introverted gal studying Computer Science at uni, and i love this field. Wanna be a web or app developer..
I need your help about 2 things:
1. Literally ANY advice, or things you wish you knew, when you were a rookie
2. I'm currently living in solitude, because of hard times in the past and i find making friends much more difficult at uni than in high school. It even starts to affect my productivity in a bad way. I have a hard time trusting people.
So any advice about this? How do you cope with too much solitude? Is there maybe a group for girl programmers? I don't know..
All advice are welcomed! (and IT jokes too, to make my day :D )
Thanks a lot !
Ps.: You are great! Awesome community.20
"I didn't get the email. I checked my spam folder"
"Did you check your trunk folder? I've heard there's junk in your trunk"2
Just 4 days in at my first job after recently graduating and I already love my workplace. Everyone in the office is so lively and giggly that you'll hear good jokes and genuine laughs thrown around the place EVERYDAY. People are so friendly and outgoing that I just realised I had made so many friends in a short time despite my introvertedness. To scale; you probably heard or experienced yourself that Filipino communities are generally super friendly and possitive. Well as a Filipino, I can attest that this is on a whole other level.
Damn. Too bad I can't remember all their names tho. 😂
Then there are a ton of perks like free food, gym, etc. And then I met this attractive and fun girl my age who I think and hope is into me, idk. We hang out with her 2 other friends, all four of us being relatively new at the company, separated by a month or so.
This is the best experience I had in such a long time and I'm super excited to see where this leads to.22
my family is fucking weird. and by weird I mean we have nothing in common, like people make make milk baby jokes and I am like "that totally makes sense!".
anyway my self proclaimed luddite sister and her annoyingly hipster husband recently purchased 300 acres of land in the middle of fucking nowhere with an old farm house on it. my family is always bugging my wife and I to come out and visit on the weekends. so last weekend I relented and we went out. apparently their idea of a good time is wandering through the woods ( I guess a trip to microcenter was to much to ask?). fast forward and I am now covered. COVERED in chigger bites. it is so bad that I have had to shave my legs then cover them in allow & lidocaine and wrap them up in gauze. FUCK THIS SHIT🤕😤🤕9
How many developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who gives a fuck the jokes been done before
The universe is made of electrons, neutrons, Protons and morons..
You probably know that one but I still enjoy it..
Maybe this one is new to you:
2 guys walk into a bar.
P1: I’ll take a glass of H2O.
P2: I’ll take some H2O, too.
The second guy died..3
I started my actual gig as CTO of construction group (Innovation Hub) a year ago. And it was a hell of a ride, implementing kind of a scrum-ban for project management, XP, peer-reviews, a git-flow, git commit message formats, linters, unit testing, integration tests, etc...
And it's the fun part because with the CIO we had to drive the board to do A LOT of changes in their IT/Innovation drive.
But in one year there is a lot of KPI that went up :
* Deployment: When I arrived it took three stressful days to deploy a new version of one application, once a month. Today we do it every week, and it takes three annoying hours.
* We had no test. NOTHING! Today we have 85% code coverage for the unit test, and automatic integration tests run by our CI server every day.
* We had almost no documentation. Today our code is our documentation (it automatically extracted and versioned).
* We had 0 add value in the use of git. With commit messages as "dev", "asked task", inside jokes and a lot of "fix" and "changes". Today we have a useful git, and we even use it to create our deploy changelogs (and it's only mildly annoying!).
* More important, the team is happy! They get their purpose, see betterment in their tech mastery. They started doing conception, applicative architecture, presentations, having fun.
There is still a LOT of bad things we are still working on, and trying to solve (support workflow and betterment). But seeing what they already did, I'm so proud of my TEAM! I'm a fucking asshole, workaholic, "just do it" kind of guy. But they managed to achieve so much. Fucking PROUD!!
My friend has a saying that helps me keep focused and reality checked:
"Move Forward, Stay Flexible, Expect Resistance."
Say it to yourself often.
To all the devs out there fighting the fight, keep this in mind and push forward. One of the things I love about our industry is the wealth of information we share and the support we get from our mentors and each other.
Some of the jokes aren’t bad either.1
I think people get *way* too annoyed if someone tags their post here with the wrong tag, even with completely new users
Seriously, who cares if you see a few jokes in your rant feed? I know some of the jokes are bad, and in that case just scroll past them, even downvote it if you have to, maybe remind them to post it in the right tag even, but it annoys me seeing posts here about people being as annoyed as they are about wrong tags7
So I was sitting at my usual coffee shop with my friend, and he is always telling jokes about me being a penetration tester and saying stuff like "so, you think you are an Hacker?".
He said that over and over again, so I told him "yes, do you wanna see something?", I pulled out my phone, did a network discovery to find something to show him, I did not find anything interesting to show him, so I went to the browser and put the router ip to log into it, I did not knew the password or username so I just went to Google and searched for defaults, tested 3 combinations and got access to the router.
Then I just told him "this is why what I do is important because if I wanted I could do really bad things with this", then he got mad at me for this...4
everytime i see posts of code humor of doing ordinary things (for example while hungry eat) i wished i was dead.
they are too lazy and beginner. and they exist because the internet gives everyone some chance of exposure.
while this may seem like a positive and democratic thing, it results in too much low quality and everyone's standards getting lowered.
i don't mind people telling bad jokes to friends and family, because at least then even though sometimes people laugh, a frown will surely happen.
while in the internet, you don't get that reaction. In fact, the shittier the thing you post, the more points you get!
this is my version expressing how i feel about the matter:
bile_and_shit = vomit()
while it is true that most things online are garbage, that also means that some isn't.
for example, code-poetry.com has very clever code poems that actually does run and has some interesting STDOUT. and those do are worthwhile.
let me also do a preemptive comment to the first fucking idiot that posts a "you must be fun at parties". fuck parties and fuck you too.1
I actually found a real website using a Spinner UI element for inputting phone numbers!
It accepts typing the number too, though. So not completely bad. Also it only appears in the desktop version.
I guess this was just some short cut to force numerical input. Still was pretty shocked. I've only seen them in jokes/memes.
It's funny how in a social situation, I'm either being awkward as all he'll or just in a corner making bad jokes on devRant.2
Had an skype job interview, at some point the interviewer asked me to tell a joke. I told a dead baby joke. I dont know normal jokes. I am not normal either. Dont think he enjoyed it.3
Promise customer something non-existent
Complain big time that engineering is not co-operating in getting the order out in time. (without which you won't get your end of year sales performance bonus)
Comment about the product being sub standard. Rant about how engineering "great" products must be the philosophy. Blah blah blah...
Offer to provide your fucking support to make the product better despite not being responsible for it.Be the greater person.
Deliver the product. Pocket your bonus. Make jokes about how bad the product is and how you won't sell it again to protect the company brand reputation.
Rinse and repeat.
So our newest team-mate has made a channel dedicated to make fun of or scrum master, then I send him a pm saying to cut out the childs play, and we need to act professional.
Then he tells me that our scrum master is okay with it, and really looks like he is!
SM said this making jokes about him brings the whole team together and makes us a better team!!
Really WTF ... am I the bad guy for caring about my team??3
I was able to find the last page of devRant using a script. It's a cesspool of reposts and bad jokes XD1
The spanish word for queue is "cola" wich is a synonim for ass, so putting things in a queue can have some unintended meaning here.6
is soo cool when people is up to joke around with my bad jokes.
-- Talking with a coworker about a new button in a results table --
dude: hey jhon, I'll name the button 'SHOW RESULTS' and the endpoint will be named that too. cuz there is a 'SHOW STATS' already
me: dunno, use something more meaningful, this is about unparsed results, right? so what about...
me: unparsed results ? unparsed stats ?
me: another one bites the dust? show must go on?
me: pick one 8D . But I think innuendo is pretty descriptive
me: seriously, 'show unparsed stats'
dude: got it
-- then the dude sends me the screenshot --
me: LOL, 8D
me: you got my respect man (_ _)
I saw few rants about "working in a box". Isn't that legacy technique and we all are now working in open space?I have auto adjusting chair that costs more than my month salary, desk which raises when I push button, console rooms etc etc
Still some thinks that we are slaves of companies working 'in the boxes '. If you are on devrant and you agree with this kind of jokes I must say that you have chosen a bad place to work ;(
Why did the wev developer leave the restraunt?
Because he didnt like the table layout.
Why was the wev developer dissatisfied with his meal?
He didnt like the sauce.
Badly lahmayo eggsdee
Jokes aside, while I am a sociable person, I don’t feel the need to go and hang out with my friends - and they don’t demand I do either. I’ve been just fine with the daily interactions at school and that sort of stuff, so the balance is already biased for me. I do however hang out a lot on Discord in various communities and enjoy the social interaction I get from there as well.
As a result, the dev life takes the bigger piece of the cake, but in my case it’s not a bad thing. Which is how it should be at the end of the day - do what feels best for you.