Q:What's more dangerous than no documentation ..

A:Wrong documentation ..

To the new devs:
Never push production on friday

So...

It seems that I am building a toolbar for IE11.

Send me your wishes and love.

P.S. Not a joke

Sales employee Bob wants a clickable blue button.

Bob tells product owner Karen about his unstoppable desire for clickable blue buttons.

Karen assigns points for potential and impact (how much does a blue button improve Bob's life, how many people like Bob desire blue buttons)

Karen asks the button team how hard it is to build a button. The button team compares the request to a reference button they've built before, and gives an ease score, with higher score being easier (inverse of scrum points).

These three scores are combined to give a priority score. The global buttonbacklog is sorted by priority.

Once every two weeks (a "sprint") the button team convenes, uses the ease scores to assign scrum points. Difficult tasks are broken up into smaller tasks, because there is a scrum point upper limit. They use the average of the last 5 sprints to calculate each developer's "velocity".

The sprint is filled with tasks, from the top of the global button backlog, up to the team's capacity as determined by velocity. Approximate due dates are assigned, Bob is a happy Bob.

What if boss Peter runs into the office screaming "OUR IMPORTANT CLIENT WANTS A FUCKING PINK BUTTON WHICH MAKES HEARTS APPEAR"?

Devs tell boss to shut the fuck up and talk to Karen. Karen has a carefully curated list of button building tasks sorted by priority, can sedate boss with valium so he calms the fuck down until he can make a case for the impact and potential of his pink button.

Karen might agree that Peter's pink button gets a higher priority than Bob's blue button.

But devs are nocturnal creatures, easily disturbed when approached by humans, their natural rhythms thrown out of balance.

So the sprint is "locked", and Peter's pink button appears at the top of the global backlog, from where it flows into the next sprint.

On rare occasions a sprint is broken open, for example when Karen realizes that all of the end users will commit suicide if they don't have a pink heart-spawning button.

In such an event, Peter must make Bob happy (because Bob is crying that his blue button is delayed). And Peter must make the button team of devs happy.

This usually leads to a ritual involving chocolate or even hardware gift certificates to restore balance to the dev ecosystem.

Had to post this...

So true

Message from God to Python developers

Definitely should get one!

Oh shit. I found something better. Had to delete previous rant.

Google Assistant is actually being cheeky!

// TODO hahaha

Android Developer job ads next week:
* +10 years of experience in Kotlin.
* +3 years developing enterprise level apps using Kotlin.

Me (6yo): Whatcha doing?
Dad: Programming.
Me: ???
Dad: If I type this on the screen and hit this key *color appeared on screen*
Me: *eyes go wide... Dad is magician*

And here I am nearly 30 years later still learning.

Friend: What's your favorite language?

Me: Javascript.

Friend: But it isn't a programming language.

Me: *throws keyboard at her face*

Toilets and race conditions!

A co-worker asked me what issues multi-threading and shared memory can have. So I explained him that stuff with the lock. He wasn't quite sure whether he got it.

Me: imagine you go to the toilet. You check whether there's enough toilet paper in the stall, and it is. BUT now someone else comes in, does business and uses up all paper. CPUs can do shit very fast, can't they? Yeah and now you're sitting on the bowl, and BAMM out of paper. This wouldn't have happened if you had locked the stall, right?

Him: yeah. And with a single thread?

Me: well if you're alone at home in your appartment, there's no reason to lock the door because there's nobody to interfere.

Him: ah, I see. And if I have two threads, but no shared memory, then it is as if my wife and me are at home with each a toilet of our own, then we don't need to lock either.

Me: exactly!

I fucking hate this about myself in the weekends.

I promise myself to get up early enough and do loads of programming and I end up sleeping in and not being productive all day.

And then at the end of the day I feel guilty.

I hate that.

My avatar has some catching up to do

When you talk to other devs about what their code did. I also relate myself to this.

Hurry up before sale ends. Now you can get Samsung internet Browser at a discount space for just 45.92 MB instead of 61.55 MB

Comprehensive HTTP Status Codes 😂

Makes sense