One day my boss called me in to his office. "I need you to sort Bernie out".
Bernie? "Oh, you don't know about Bernie!"
Turns out Bernie was a Windows 2000 server running SQL 2000 that had all sorts of antique applications and SSIS packages running on it. Nobody was sure what it did, or if it was even still alive, but nobody was game to just switch it off.
So, after 2 months of chasing down source code, analysing it, looking for non-existent documentation, I was finally able to say.
Bernie's dead. You can bury him.

At work for a bank, I changed the target SQL Server in my SSIS project and arbitrarily, all my custom-coded scripts were erased!!

I didn't take backups and I spent a week coding them! Fuuuuuuuuuckkkkk 😠

Ended up rewriting them.

I learned my lesson... 😥

I’m a team lead in the tech team, myself and another team lead manage the on call processes for the department, so when stuff breaks we need to fix it. I assume there is sufficient documentation available for me to fix a process that is not mine.

one of the other managers processes breaks. He’s on annual leave and is away for another week. I attempt to fix the process. No documentation. What do i do?

I go to my manager the next day and tell her the process is broken and I can’t fix it because there’s no documentation and I don’t know what the full impacts are. She agreed we should leave it until he comes back from AL.

He comes back a week later. I tell him the process is broken and it’s been failing since he went on AL.

Him: we had a handover before I went on holiday
Me: no, you showed me where the ‘documentation’ was. Said documentation is not defined enough and is out of date. I didn’t want to break it further by trying to repair it when it’s not completely critical
Him: but it is critical, it has to run every day
Me: so why doesn’t it say that in the documentation?
Him: ............
Me: can you fix it please
Him: no, I’ve got too much to do having just come back from holiday
Me: more critical that a process that has to run EVERY DAY and has been failing for the past 10 DAYS??
Him: I’ll see if I have time

2 hours later...

Him: Lets put in some time for handover so you can understand the process. Is an hour long enough?
Me: I don’t know, you tell me, it’s your process, you know what’s involved and how long it should take to explain
Him: well is an hour long enough?
Me: I don’t know, it takes however long it takes you to explain it
Him: I’m asking you
...........

At this point I’m getting more and more angry, how can you not know how long your process is gonna take to explain when you’re the one that wrote it?! I fully well know that it’s gonna take longer than an hour because it’s an SSIS package that looks like a plate of spaghetti, you spend 15 minutes working out what box flows to where before even looking at any SQL, and he’s still asking me how long it’s gonna take and distracting me from my ACTUAL critical work

Man is a waste of space, so quick to give you work that isn’t his but never takes responsibility for his own... honestly have no clue whatsoever how he became a manager....

This rant doesn’t seem like much reading it back but I swear it’s the last in a looooonnngggg like of his fuck ups that other people have had to deal with 🙄🙄

Best:
Really getting into Rust. It has taught me so many things.
1. Null is evil
2. Sum types are amazing
3. Compiler can actually have good error output
4. Multi threading is actually really scary if you don't have a compiler to back you up

Worst:
I had to deal with SSIS. It has also taught me many things:
1. No matter how 'mature' a product is, it can be awful. Simply dump a random error code, the user can figure out what went wrong, no need for good error messages.
2. The modern concept of the database is crap. It's a gigantic global state that is used by everyone and owned by no one.
3. Don't use tools that aren't made to be used with version control.
4. Even when you tell your team that it's bad, you will be ignored.

Rust: Unclear error output is seen as a compiler bug.
Me: 👏

SSIS & SQL Server: Unclear or absent error output is seen as an enterprise feature. It's so mature!
Me: 😩

If you're going to have your package write into the SSIS log "please check the SSIS log for details" when your package throws an error

Kindly throw yourself off a cliff.

WRITE THE FUCKING ERROR TO THE FUCKING LOG.

If I'm reading the log, I'm already CHECKING THE FUCKING LOG. So I don't need the log to tell me to check the log.

FUCK MICROSOFT!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?!?!?!? WHY IS THIS EVEN A THING!?!?!?!?

WHYYYYYY HAVE WE GOT A FUCKING DARK THEME IF WHEN I ADD ANNOTATIONS IN SSIS IT'S HARDCODED COLOURS.

No...seriously...not only am i doing this bullshit waste of time redundant annotations for some bullshit client that thinks they know shit but when I use the dark theme like a normal person, if you go back to a normal theme, all annotations in white.

Just finished like 30 packages on this slow ass remote connection and now all these backward ass people that use light themes (like everyone but me) can't see anything written.

Fuck you Microsoft!!!!! Soooooo many fucks for you right now....don't even know how to express the fucks.

Microsoft documentation. That is all

To all people attending technical interviews.
If the job spec asks for a specific toolset (SQL server and ssis in this case), small hint.

Mention the fucking tools in your answers to questions!

I'M CHANGING 200 + SSIS PACKAGES WHILE VISUAL STUDIO KEEPS ON CRASHING EVERY 15 MINUTES WITH SOME WEIRD UI ERROR THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PACKAGE ITSELF. ITS MAKING ME WANT TO GAUGE MY EYES OUT AND PULL OUT MY HAIR. FUCK MICROSOFT AND FUCK PEOPLE THAT MAKE ME USE THIS WORTHLESS TOOL!!!!!

saw an SSIS project once used for basically string replacement and file tasks. Asked manager permission to rewrite this Proof of Concept to something more suitable language.
manager: you can't but you have to support it.
me: but i tought it's a PoC
manager: yes it is
me: so what to support?
manager: it's been sold to a customer and in production for 6 months now
So it's a PoC which is sold and moved to prod...
I hate sales and management douches sometimes... like 98% of the time....
(already left the company)

"Exception has been thrown by the target of an invocation"

This error message pisses me off. I know the SSIS Script component is capable of catching exceptions, you can wrap all your code in a try/catch (please don't) and get an exception. So would it be so hard that if the Script Component throws an exception that it tells me what it is instead of sending me on a goddamn scavenger hunt?

The whole bullshit system of errors is why I hate SSIS. Just tell me what went wrong.

I did what I wasn't supposed to do, wrapped it in a try catch and it gave me a stack trace and an error message and all sorts of actionable shit. But why the hell can't it just do that on its own?

There is literally nothing worse, except maybe Hitler, than a goddamn vague error message.

"So... you know SQL? Great!! Here, I have this project for you to fix a few things."

"What is it?", you ask... SSIS packages and stuff!

Where do I start??!!

Budding Developer here...

I've tried to teach myself Web Dev over the past 10 yrs on/off... Sad. But now I'm actually in a developer role moved up from IT helpdesk a year ago.

In the past year I've learned SQL, SSRS, SSIS, database concepts, and.... VB6. I am a master at none due to having to cram so much in a year while taking on various projects, issues, and learning the organizations software infrastructure and processes. I also taught myself current HTML, CSS, and basic Javascript. Learning the different basic concepts with each.

Over the past couple months I've been given a new project and now learning ASP.NET and C#. Actually trying really hard to get adept at these as I'm finally doing Web Developing in my role...

I am also dealing with multiple major family issues and a near 2 yr old that we cosleep with that still doesn't sleep through the night.

Why the crap is it so easy to convert an enum to a string but takes 50 functions to convert a string to an enum???
Cast, convert, parse... Why so much logic???
When the online teacher says type why do I have to rifle through 7 different meanings in my head before I know what kind of type he's referring to??

Fuck SSIS.

Sent a CV for a full-stack C# role. The CV is mainly a mix of working in ASMX/WCF, SQL, SSRS, SSIS, Distributed transaction architectures then with about 40% ASP.NET focusing on server side but also with some client side technologies and that I sometimes use Illustrator for creating/manipulating SVGs.
Was told I am too "front-end"

Updated today:
VS 2017 15.3
dotNet Core 2.0
SSDT 17.2 (I think)
SSAS VS 2017 Package
SSRS VS 2017 Package
> Where the hell is the SSIS VS 2017 Package ???
VS Code 32bit
> Found 64bit is out, manually uninstalled 32bit, installed 64bit

Also wrote seed data for my program so I can continue development.

SSIS is very powerful and easy to use, but man is it a ball ache and unnecessarily temperamental. Especially when you have different server versions.

I avoid it whenever possible.

2010 - SSIS - it works.

2015 - SSIS - it works, but very slowly. at least the icons/gui are up to date?

2017 - SSIS - it kind of works, and deployment is broken so you have to run isdeploymentwizard.exe by hand! Also slower then previous version.

2019 - SSIS - IMA BREAK ALL YOUR CONNECTIONS OKAY?

bonus rant: upgrade to newer package version, lose all VSTA scripts. like... gone.

FML

Visual studio: *thinking for 10 years*
Me: looks like it's trying to validate bad connections on this SSIS package. *disables connection checking*
Visual studio: *thinking for 10 years* Validating connections... [Visual studio is not responding]

So, do any of your poor fuckers have the opportunity - nay, PRIVILEGE of using the absolute clusterfuck piece of shit known as SQL Server Integration Services?

Why do I keep seeing articles about how "powerful" and "fast" it is? Why do people recommend it? Why do some think it's easy to use - or even useful?

It can't report an error to save its life. It's logging is fucked. It's not just that it swallows all exceptions and gives unhelpful error messages with no debugging information attached, its logging API is also fucked. For example, depending on where you want to log a message - it's a totally different API, with a billion parameters most of which you need to supply "-1" or "null" to just to get it do FUCKING DO SOMETHING. Also - you'll only see those messages if you run the job within the context of SQL FUCKING SERVER - good luck developing on your ACTUAL FUCKING MACHINE.

So apart from shitty logging, it has inherited Microsoft's insane need to make everything STATICALLY GODDAMN TYPED. For EVERY FUCKING COMPONENT you need to define the output fields, types and lengths - like this is 1994. Are you consuming a dynamic data structure, perhaps some EAV thing from a sales system? FUCK YOU. Oh - and you can't use any of the advances in .NET in the last 10 years - mainly, NuGet and modern C# language features.

Using a modern C# language feature REMOVES THE ABILITY TO FUCKING DEBUG ANYTHING. THE FUCKER WILL NOT STOP ON YOUR BREAKPOINTS. In addition - need a JSON parsing library? Want to import a SDK specific to what you're doing? Want to use a 3rd party date library? WELL FUCK YOU. YOU HAVE TO INDEPENDENTLY INSTALL THE ASSEMBLIES INTO THE GAC AND MAKE IT CONSISTENT ACROSS ALL YOUR ENVIRONMENTS.

While i'm at it - need to connect to anything? FUCK YOU, WE ONLY INCLUDE THE MOST BASIC DATABASE CONNECTORS. Need to transform anything? FUCK YOU, WRITE A SCRIPT TASK. Ok, i'd like to write a script task please. FUCK YOU IM GOING TO PAUSE FOR THE NEXT 10 MINUTES WHILE I FIRE UP A WHOLE FUCKING NEW INSTANCE OF VISUAL STUDIO JUST TO EDIT THE FUCKING SCRIPT. Heaven forbid you forget to click the "stop" button after running the package and open the script. Those changes you just made? HAHA FUCK YOU I DISCARDED THEM.

I honestly cant understand why anyone uses this shit. I guess I shouldn't really expect anything less from Microsoft - all of their products are average as fuck.

Why do I use this shit? I work for a bunch of fucks that are so far entrenched in Microsoft technologies that they literally cannot see outside of them (and indeed don't want to - because even a cursory look would force them to conclude that they fucked up, and if you're a manager thats something you can never do).

Ok, rant over. Also fuck you SSIS

SSIS is a piece of shit. As well as Visual Studio.
SSIS job running on sql server bombs on vs_needsnewmetadata. I go to fix the issue by refreshing the db source and target tasks to re-read metadata from the db servers. While "refreshing" the metadata, IT policy requires reboot of computer, and triggers autoupdate of visual studio, and hoses my IDE. spend an hour re-installing VS and SSDT, bc the newest version of VS can't deploy to sql server thru the IDE. I'd rather code in Eclipse/Intellij ARGHHHHHHHH

Why the fuck does Visual Fucking Studio SSIS delete scripts in script codes? A completely bullshit bug in VS 2017, completely in fucking excusable to find my fucking scripts GONE when I try to run the package. Download it from TeamCity? Still gone.

How does a business like MICROSOFT let this sort of bug even happen?

Some demented bagpipe at the microsoft SSIS team thought it was too much of an effort to build in the option to review all changes and to refresh all metadata with one click whenever the metadata changes.

"No, the Client doesn't like stored procedures so we have done all our TL parts of the ETL using a bunch of views on top of views on top of views."

Wish I could have been here at the start so I could have pushed back, sigh.

Siiiggghhhh, yet the client is anal about performance and even consistency in SSIS packages.....siiiggghhhhhh but we dont have SHOWPLAN permissions or even sp_who2 access...siiiigggghhhhhh.

If i expanded one of the final views, would be like 1k lines. For the amount of data, we move, there shouldn't be any noticeable processing time but it can take anywhere from 10mins to an hour.

Swear to God I've changed the type definition of the same variable (in SSIS) three times already.
Microsoft has a worse memory than me!
Ffs.

Why the fuck does the Execute Process Task from SSIS in Visual Studio fail when trying to use variables in an expression?!?

I've been debugging this shit for hours and have made absolutely no progress. There's no apparent workaround.

Fuck you Microsoft, for leaving a known bug in VS for over a decade, where the expressions are surrounded in double quotes, negating the entire purpose of using an expression for variables!!! 😡