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1. Start working in company that is celebrating something the same day you start new job.
2. Make sure they invite you.
3. Get drunk hard before event.
4. Puke on a CEO during his opening speech.
Mission accomplished you’re now a legend.13
Oh boy its actually embarassing...
I was in a cosplay event, when I realized I only have 30 minutes till I check in for my first day in the job as a support agent.
I never had the time to change because of traffic and I was commuting so I spent the next 9 hours in side the company premises wearing a japanese schoolgirl uniform.
...I got quite everyone's attention, even the HR... ( well at least the HR just reprimanded me about that >_<)
Note to self: remember to give yourself 30 minutes more of allowance....40
I didn't show up on the first day. The HR I worked with was a moody pregnant piece of shit. There's a term for it that I cannot translate to English but it's when a pregnant woman hates you specifically like she would crave for a certain food during pregnancy.
The full story is they pushed my start date to the earliest possible. I spent my last day in the previous job on Friday and had to start on the new one next Monday. Monday was the start of orientation, it was supposed to be two days but they changed it to one day during the first day of orientation.
No one gave any instruction on what to do next. Monday and Tuesday should be orientation days and Wednesday is technically my first day in the actual workplace. After the orientation finished, I asked her if I have to do something or be somewhere tomorrow (Tuesday), she said no. This is after she roasted me about not submitting all my requirements which is straight out stupid because she knew I only have the weekends as break and no government office is open during weekend. She scolded me in front of some other people and I swear to god, it took a lot of strength not to punch a pregnant woman.
Anyway, as soon as Tuesday came, she emailed me asking why I didn't come to work and again, demanded I perform some magic to gather my requirements (this time, I don't know, on Monday evening?). The other HR responded to her saying she would work with me instead. The other HR is a classy beautiful woman who is clear, patient, and nice. Yeah, funny how the ugly ones have shittier attitude these days.
As soon as she has given birth, she became nice to me and all the shit. Maybe the curse has lifted and the demon baby has been delivered from the womb of Satan through the vaginal walls of hell.
I didn't give a fuck with her frequent small talks after that. Terrorize your husband, not me. I can't believe someone even fucked you when you're ugly inside and out. I saved the emails for reminiscing.17
My current one, not Dev related but still...
Walked into my interview with a full head of hair and man bun with a big bushy beard.
Started the day after I shaved off everything for a charity thing, my manager went 3 days without realising who I was and just rolled with me being there .-.4
My start at one of the Big Four (accounting firms).
The first two days of each month they organise "onboarding days" for the new starters of that month. (I so hate upper management buzzwords!) They sent me a formal invitation that looked like I was being invited to a ball with the royals, and they included the following super-smarty-pants line: "Dress code: would you wear jeans and t-shirt when you meet a client?"
And I thought: "I'm an effing hardware and software engineer for internal services. I will never meet a client." But I dressed formally nonetheless, and I went to the onboarding, and I hated every second I spent in those effing high heels, and don't get me started on how I managed to get a run on my stockings in the first hour.
The first day of the onboarding we sat through eight hours of general talks from senior employees who wanted to explain the "culture" and "values" of our company, but the worst of all was the three-hour introduction to IT services where they "helped us set up our new laptops" and taught us how to send e-mails and how to use the Company Portal.
On the second day, they divided us into groups depending on our speciality (assurance, taxes, legal, etc) and exposed us to further 8 hours of boredom related to our speciality. However, since the "digital services" thing was still new to them, we didn't have a category of our own, and we had to attend the introduction to one of the other categories, and I didn't understand one word of what was being said.
On the third day I finally went to my office and they provided me with a second laptop. It turns out that we engineers got different laptops and were allowed to manage it ourselves instead of letting central IT manage it for us. So I simply returned the laptop they had given me the first day and started working. However, for some reason, the laptop I returned was not registered, and two weeks later they started pestering me with emails asking where was the laptop "I had stolen". It took me 3 weeks of emails and calls to make them understand that I had returned the laptop immediately.
Also, on the two onboarding days we had to sign attendance, and since I forgot to sign the paper list on the second day, they invited me to the event the next month again. I explained to them that I had already attended the onboarding and didn't go, so they invited me again on the third month, and they threatened me with "disciplinary action" if I didn't go. After a week of lost time writing emails and calling people, I ended up going to the onboarding again just to sign the effing list.
In the end, I resigned during the probation time. That company was the worst experience of my life. It was an example of corporate culture so absurdly exaggerated that it sometimes reminded me of Kafka's Trial. I think they have more "HR representatives" than people who do actual work.8
I quit my job at a place and made a three month plan for how to not fuck up the company by leaving. I had a ton of credentials and was handling a lot of projects and admin. My last weeks involved a lot of overtime.
New job was lined up only one day after my final hand-off. The HR woman at my new job demanded I join a proposal on the week before I start work. Expects me to lie about being part of it. I'm already working 65 hours that week so I have no time. I don't know who she is or what kind of power she has in the new company. I say no. She puts my new job on the line. I don't even work for new company yet. I set the start date specifically to mesh with handovers.
I work 80 hours that week. I have an in-law that comes for a visit. I'm basically dead at the end. First day of work I am so sick I'm sweating and cranky. I feel like I'm going to die. It turns out she reports directly to the CEO so is higher management. She pops by my space and does the "Welcome to the company isn't everything great here?"
So I tell her. I worked 80 hours last week and I am sick. I feel like shit. You pushed me into overworking 16 hours in an already busy week so I got sick. You asked me to lie to a potential customer. Don't give me that smiley face welcome shit after what you did. I'm having first impressions with people as a sick brain-dead shitbag. You held my financial future in your hands and put me in a position where I couldn't say no. You are lucky I'm not marching into the CEO's office and telling him as much. (I point at it because it is basically 5m away from my desk.) She tells me "fuck you" and walks away.
To this day she does a lot of stupid passive aggressive shit with my payroll. Avoids me completely in person. Doesn't give me important information. I made a powerful enemy on the first day.10
Walk in on the first day and am told: "We don't have a computer for you yet and we're not sure where you're going to be sitting so just hang around for a bit."
"Ok...what will I be doing?"
"We're discussing that."
"So I'm to be spackle, then?"
"You'll use me once you see a hole that needs filling."4
Since everyone seems to be talking about getting places late, here's my not-so-significant story about my most recent interview.
So I was told that GPS probably wouldn't work. But the instructions that I got were not specific enough to guide me - something I learned only once I arrived in the general area that I was supposed to be in.
Ended up going one street too far and talking to the wrong front desk. They kindly gave me instructions to get to my destination.
These instructions were also wrong. They left out one step and viola, I'm at the gate of the sheriff dog training facility.
Turn 'er around and finally get on the correct road. My 20 minutes early turned into 10 minutes late, just like that.
They were understanding and I got the job.5
Ok so a very quick background: I didn't get a job until I needed one after my phone broke and I didn't have the money to buy another one. (I'm a student still for those who don't know lol.)
>> Phone randomly breaks.
>> Don't have the money for a new one
>> Searches for low skill jobs (ie cashier) that would work with me in terms of how many hours I work and whenever those hours are.
>> Apply to like 15 (not even exaggerating either lol) jobs
>> Wait for responses
>> One day goes by. Nothing
>> Two days go by. Nothing
>> Three days go by. Nothing
>> Fourth day rolls around and I get a call about one. I answer, tell him I'm available starting that Monday.
>> (Keep in mind I'm on an old temporary phone)
>> Next day I buy a new phone (didn't have to pay anything up front aside from the taxes on it, as it's on a payment plan)
>> Reset old phone after usage
>> Monday rolls around and I drive to the location of the job, and walk in the door asking for x.
>> "I'm sorry sir, who? We don't have anyone here by that name."
>> I panic and hop in my car, and try to find the address of the store I applied to. I find out it's different than where I went.
>> Start driving there and call that phone number. I ask to speak to x.
>> "I'm sorry sir, there's nobody here by that name."
>> Call literally every other location in the city and ask for x, but nothing.
>> Since I'm already on the way, I drive to the location of the store I had applied to. Whenever I get there, the manager spends half an hour on the phone trying to figure out where I belong. Nothing.
>> By this point, it's well over an hour past whenever I was supposed to show up, so I gave up because I figured they probably wouldn't have hired me anyways.
>> I get home determined af to figure out who the hell called me.
>> I remembered that Verizon has call logs you can look at online.
>> I go back through it and find the number. Google it.
Here's where the story gets a lil funny now.
>> Number shows up for a store that I applied to who's name sounds a LOT like the first store.
>> Called them and explained what happened, and told them I'd be there asap if they still wanted me.
>> That was like 6 months ago and I'm still here lol15
Started new job with presentation at 10:00. Went for lunch at 11:00. Was given access to source code at 12:00. Decided to quit at 13:00.
No regrets. Code was so bad that I wanted to cry.9
Started a new job.
Got called at 8.30 on Tuesday with the question:”Where the hell are you? You should be starting today!”. I replied:”I thought I started on Friday?!?”. We were both wrong, I should have started on Thursday 😑.4
Here's how I imagine my bad start on a new job would be:
1. Being introverted
2. Being introverted
3. Being introverted
Yep, I'm awkward most of the times in most social interactions irl outside of my friend circle.9
I was 3 hours late. They were calling me to check if i was coming but my phone had died. I ended up arriving at 1 pm when i should have been there by 10 am.1
One time, I accidentally deleted all the data from one of the client's database table (invoices) because i forgot to comment the line from the script.
Good thing there were some backups and I was able to restore everything without anyone noticing. I was so fucking dumb at that time and I felt all the blood rush to my head at that moment when I did a SELECT * and NOTHING was displayed on the screen.
Not really the start of a new job, but at a job interview I tried to pour myself some water and literally flooded the whole table :D
They invited me back for an internship actually, but I chose another company.1
I hate it when depression strikes again and it renders me useless because I can't focus here at work.
I'm spending my break time right now trying to cheer myself up by looking at some memes online.3
Was late the first day (nobody told me when to be there). Was sick as a dog. Had to pull my car over on the way there to puke. Sat through a few hours of orientation hoping I could just go the next 5 minutes without puking. Puked between orientation and actually getting to my office location. Not a fun day.
Never told anyone I was sick.2
I was hired as a junior for a job that I moved for. Was supposed to work under a good senior who seemed really cool when we talked on the phone.
When I arrived over a month later I was told he'd quit the week before and that I was now the "senior developer".
After that everything was on fire for 18 months and then I left.
*EDIT: I was the only developer after the senior quit. Hence the "senior" title. Which he made me add to everything, including my LinkedIn.7
I basically had to start a day late because of a doctors appointment, which was fine. But the next day when my work week actually began, I ended up passing out due to heat exhaustion. It was fairly embarrassing to say the least.4
Not really terrible start. I was just nervous and overdressed (wore a suit when everyone else was informal)1
HR changed the joining date thrice. Made me wait at reception every day for a week!!! Then delayed project assignment for credit score from a person who never earned before!
I accidentally payed around EUR14 from the train station close to my home, to the station close to work. It's one fricking station from my home to work, or a half hour walk.
I‘m currently in my first job, so it should be the one with best and also worst start, shouldn’t it?
Realizing your mentor is a hipster who just picked up RoR(Ruby on Rails) and believes in everything DHH does like he’s the next martin luther king.
Not so worst!!
They told me to come on 1st of July even the offer letter stated same.
And guess what!? It was Saturday......
And they are like oops! Here is your new letter come from 3rd July.2