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Search - "corporate"
Browsing to a porn site while still being in the corporate VPN.
Got a proxy page which said this type of content isn't allowed at work. Nearly had a heart attack ;D15
"yeah I hate windows, big corporate fucks that spy on you" -send from my iPhone at a Starbucks on Facebook.31
"Hey can you make these changes?"
*does absolutely nothing*
"That's way better!"
Mhmm sure. Totally changed stuff. Yup.1
The Manager cracks a joke. Everyone in the team laughs except one guy..
Manager asks him- Didn't you understand my Joke????
The guy replies - I resigned yesterday
The university system is fucked.
I've been working in this industry for a few years now, but have been self taught for much longer. I'm only just starting college and I'm already angry.
What does a college degree really mean anymore? From some of the posts I've seen on devRant, it certainly doesn't ensure professional conduct, work ethic, or quality (shout out to the brave souls who deal with the lack of these daily). Companies should hire based on talent, not on a degree. Universities should focus more on real world applications or at least offer such programs for students interested in entering the workforce rather than research positions. A sizable chunk of universities' income (in the U.S. at least) comes from research and corporate sponsorships, and educating students is secondary to that. Nowadays education is treated as a business instead of a tool to create value in the world. That's what I signed up for, anyway - gaining the knowledge to create value in the world. And yet I along with many others feel so restricted, so bogged down with requirements, fees, shitty professors, and shitty university resources. There is so much knowledge out there that can be put to instant practical use - I am constantly shocked at the things left out of my college curriculum (lack of automated tests, version control, inadequate or inaccurate coverage of design patterns and philosophies) - things that are ABSOLUTELY essential to be successful in this career path.
It's wonderful that we eventually find the resources we need, or the motivation to develop essential skills, but it's sad that so many students in university lack proper direction through no fault of their own.
Fuck you, universities, for being so inflexible and consistently failing to serve your basic purpose - one of if not the most important purpose on this earth.
Fuck you, corporations, for hiring and paying based on degree. Fuck you, management, for being so ignorant about the industry you work in.
Fuck you, clients, who treat intelligent people like dirt, make unreasonable demands, pull some really shady shit, and perpetuate a damaging stereotype.
And fuck you to the developer who wrote my company's antipattern-filled, stringy-as-all hell codebase without comments. Just. Fuck you.15
List of things that my fucking corporate proxy blocks
* The NPM registry
List of things that aren't blocked
* Google drive
Half my mobile data is burned away by NPM sinkholes. Fuck this place.22
The collegue who I hang out with has resigned.. we together were known as the only Innovators of the project... Now suddenly My manager's behaviour towards has changed... He has started to treat me with real care as if Inam his son... 😂😂😂 The bastard is thinking I might resign as well 😏😏😏😏8
“My Boss arrived at work in a brand new Ferrari.
I told him: “Wow that’s a nice car”.
“If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for ''Excellence'', I'll get another one next year”.”
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini. • r/Jokes3
So a fucking friend of mine makes me meet this fella who is a big shot according to his LinkedIn and please note has too much experience with Web Apps and Python
Me being naive actually trusted that and I meet him.
Fella: So what do you do?
Me: I am into Cyber Security nothing much I just do bug hunting for now
Fella: You know python will help you right?
Fella: You see you have to be a python programmer for anything you want to do in CS
Me: Me yeah I kinda know python actually I am more into Ruby from start so ( Around this time I kinda sensed that he is a fake tech guy he is a corporate asshole)
Fella: show me any of your work
Me: (So to show him one of the thing I was working on I open GitHub desktop app) Me explaining blah blah blah
*Fella is in shock*
So at this point I was thinking probably he is impressed and that's why the shock right?
No a big fucking no
Apparently he never heard about GitHub or git and got blown away by the interface.
And the friend who made me meet that guy is not my fucking friend anymore that prick can die for ruining my day18
A person that uses the “Reply All” button to tell everyone not to use the “Reply All” button when a corporate email is accidentally sent to all email users.6
I fucking saw it coming!
I discussed with my manager a much required raise given the number of patents the company has filed on my work, successfull completion of a full-scale ML product in 6 fucking months and working as a team lead for the last 2 month.
"We cannot bypass the policy of appraisal every one year"
"This is not the right time to ask for a raise from management"
And still that scumbag expects me to work on saturday, dedicate more that 9 hours everyday, not complain about the poor management and arrive on time everyday !
It is really time to leave this shithole company and this piece of shit manager who btw draws most of the budget allocated to the team.
I think I have realised not to give more fucks than paid for to any job no matter what.
Hands down. Fuck this!10
Yesterday, I had a meeting to prepare today's meeting, which goal is to prepare tomorrow's meeting... 😣7
When a company emails 8000 + employees asking 3 people not to be disturbed in DevOps for 3 weeks. You know those 3 people have been screwed over by unrealistic deadlines.7
Corporate proxies that block resources web developers can't work without are the worst, preventing npm and composer from working at all. Easier to work from home than at work.1
Every job description out there:
" JUNIOR XY position.
Requirements: 50 years experience of Assembly, Java and Masonry, HTML, cloud based computing and artificial intelligence. Must be able to write algorithms like Hummingbird. Fluent in English, Mandarin and Latin. Must have five doctor and two Bachelor degrees. Experience in leading a Fortune 500 company benefitial.
Renumeration: 5 rice grains"6
Today is my last day in hell. I have next week off and then i start my new and significantly better payed job.
As usual i have to get the final paperwork over with and surrender my equipment. Yesterday i get an IM from the person in charge of equipment notifying me that I also have to come in Monday because the she's not there on Friday and I can't finish the procedure without her signature.
Ok. Sure. So i sent an IM myself notifying that I won't be in today since I've been called on Monday and i won't be using my own time because no one ever delegates.
I got a reply saying that it's abnormal to procede this way because if anything happens to me today the firm is acountable and when I asked "So, if something happens to me on Monday, when i'm on my own fucking time, that IS PERFECTLY ALRIGHT ISN'T IT?"
The reply was Yes. 😂😂😂😂
Needless to say, I'm relaxing at home right now and will be going on Monday to finish up.
God I'm glad that i'm leaving this shithead company!!!13
Soooooo got fired on my day off!! 😁😁😁 Y am I sooo happy??? Bc the company's president sucks, and glad to be gone!!
So, I come in on my day off trying to help him with a promo for an app I was working on, and ass face come in with a chip already on his shoulders.
Him: So what are u going to show me?
Me: A walk through of the app.
Him: No, what specifically are u going to show me?(already getting upset)
Me: The whole app. Like from the login screen and everything else.
Him: No! I need to knw specifically what your going to show me! Like this button, that menu, this function!!!(boiling point)
Me: That's what I said, "the whole app"
Him: Do u want to be suspended a whole week??!!!
Me: (smiling) Yes!!
Him: You knw what, ur gonna tell me what the fuck ur gonna show me or--
Me: Gets up, grab my phone and head towards the door.
Him: If u leave, ur done!!
Me: Dnt care. (Continue out the door)
Him: (yelling) That's it, ur done!
Me: Happy 😁😁😁15
I kid you not, this was in some of our official corporate training.
Unfortunately, this often is how our business area "functions"6
Wow... this is the perfect week for this topic.
Thursday, is the most fucked off I’ve ever been at work.
I’ll preface this story by saying that I won’t name names in the public domain to avoid anyone having something to use against me in court. But, I’m all for the freedom of information so please DM if you want to know who I’m talking about.
Yesterday I handed in my resignation, to the company that looked after me for my first 5 years out of university.
Thursday was my breaking point but to understand why I resigned you need a little back story.
I’m a developer for a corporate in a team of 10 or so.
The company that I work for is systemically incompetent and have shown me this without fail over the last 6 months.
For the last year we’ve had a brilliant contracted, AWS Certified developer who writes clean as hell hybrid mobile apps in Ion3, node, couch and a tonne of other up to the minute technologies. Shout out to Morpheus you legend, I know you’re here.
At its core my job as a developer is to develop and get a product into the end users hands.
Morpheus was taking some shit, and coming back to his desk angry as fuck over the last few months... as one of the more experienced devs and someone who gives a fuck I asked him what was up.
He told me, company want their mobile app that he’s developed on internal infrastructure... and that that wasn’t going to work.
Que a week of me validating his opinion, looking through his work and bringing myself up to speed.
I came to the conclusion that he’d done exactly what he was asked to, brilliant Work, clean code, great consideration to performance and UX in his design. He did really well. Crucially, the infrastructure proposed was self-contradicting, it wouldn’t work and if they tried to fudge it in it would barely fucking run.
So I told everyone I had the same opinion as him.
4 months of fucking arguing with internal PMs, managers and the project team go by... me and morpheus are told we’re not on the project.
The breaking point for me came last Wednesday, given no knowledge of the tech, some project fannies said Morpheus should be removed and his contract terminated.
I was up in fucking arms. He’d done everything really well, to see a fellow developer take shit for doing his job better than anyone else in [company] could was soul destroying.
That was the straw on the camels back. We don’t come to work to take shit for doing a good job. We don’t allow our superiors to give people shit in our team when they’re doing nothing but a good job. And you know what: the opinion of the person that knows what they’re talking about is worth 10 times that of the fools who don’t.
My manager told me to hold off, the person supposed to be supporting us told me to stand down. I told him I was going to get the app to the business lead because he fucking loves it and can tell us if there’s anything to change whilst architecture sorts out their outdated fucking ideas.
Stand down James. Do nothing. Don’t do your job. Don’t back Morpheus with his skills and abilities well beyond any of ours. Do nothing.
That was the deciding point for me, I said if Morpheus goes... I go... but then they continued their nonsense, so I’m going anyway.
I made the decision Thursday, and Friday had recruiters chomping at the bit to put the proper “senior” back in my title, and pay me what I’m worth.
The other issues that caused me to see this company in it’s true form:
- I raised a key security issue, documented it, and passed it over to the security team.
- they understood, and told the business users “we cannot use ArcGIS’ mobile apps, they don’t even pretend to be secure”
- the business users are still using the apps going into the GDPR because they don’t understand the ramifications of the decisions they’re making.
I noticed recently that [company] is completely unable to finish a project to time or budget... and that it’s always the developers put to blame.
I also noticed that middle management is in a constant state of flux with reorganisations because in truth the upper managers know they need to sack them.
For me though, it was that developers in [company], the people that know what they’re talking about; are never listened to.
Fuck being resigned to doing a shit job.
Fuck this company. On to one that can do it right.
Morpheus you beautiful bastard I know you’ll be off soon too but I also feel I’ve made a friend for life. “Private cloud” my arse.
Since making the decision Thursday I feel a lot more free, I have open job offers at places that do this well. I have a position of power in the company to demand what I need and get it. And I have the CEO and CTO’s ears perking up because their department is absolutely shocking.
Freedom is a wonderful feeling.13
Corporate: Phishing Emails are serious. We need you guys to take this awareness training. Please report if you get any suspicious email.
*Sends the awareness training in a format that screams Phishing
Everybody: Wait... is this a test?1
Almost a decade ago (damn I'm getting old) I was working on a virtually dead project - i.e. it was the third, and final, iteration of a very failed project in a huge company with literally millions of Euros poured into it.
I came in as a junior SysAdmin/CM to substitute someone who was happily fucking off to another, better job. And alongside me a senior started as well to deal with the management/interaction between vendors and internal "teams" (6 peeps to deal with infrastructure requests from vendors - DBA, SysAdmin, Networking, Hardware commissioning, that sort of stuff).
Now, nothing against this senior - really cool dude - but he was objectively doing a poor management job. Partially due to some personal issues and a little bit of incompetence/disinterest.
So me, and the rest of these peeps that the vendors interacted with, were getting massacred with impossible requests/deadlines and blamed for almost everything wrong with this project.
Two weeks after we started, SeniorMan had to take a week off due to some personal issues so I was asked by higher management to take over his tasks as well until he's back.
The next day, I took all the peeps to get coffee and told them that from now on, regardless of what anyone tells them, unless it's from our direct manager (who pretty much didn't give a shit) every information/decision/deadlines negotiations goes through me and me alone. And they're not allowed to even consider anyone asking them for favours without talking to me first.
Now, this also came with the understanding that I would become the sole person to blame in case of fuck ups, and I gladly accepted because I would have quit anyway if things didn't change.
So everyone agreed.
And oh boy did we put the heat on those fucking vendors, because those two weeks that SeniorMan was busy drinking coffee with the upper management, I studied the entire project - I was familiar with every single network switch, VM, application and most importantly, all the agreements between vendors on which applications they would deliver and when.
They guys from my team also followed through with ignoring vendor requests that didn't come through me. They would literally hang up on them. CCed me on every single email. It was great.
A week later, we learned that SeniorMan would be gone another week, so upper management gave me a company phone because things were going well. SeniorMan would later quit because he pretty much wasn't needed by the time he came back.
With the phone and the blessings of the management I was pretty much the only entry point for vendors to deliver their applications. And I was strict as fuck. My negotiation policy was to multiply everything the peeps from my team told me by 3. If they didn't like it, well tough luck, give us more resources and wait 3 weeks to get them up to speed.
And within a month we became the highest performing team on that project. Outperforming the second best by as much as 6 to 1. All this with much less stress for everyone in the team.
Thanks to these changes, vendors actually had to do their job and deliver the promised services without blaming us. So we magically passed the first milestone, and suddenly went from failed project to the most promising project in the company.
Ah good times, good times...
I participated in a meeting, before hitting the second milestone, where the project lead from one of the vendors was trying to pin their incompetence on us being slow to deliver infrastructure requirements.
So I pulled out the Visio file that everyone in the room agreed to a few months prior, and one by one showed that not only everything was delivered on time but even earlier on some items. And that due to them being slow on testing their shitty software on our infrastructure everything is going to shit.
The CTO of the company was present in this meeting, and what followed can only be described as someone who had no idea what was going on, being hit in the face with some else's balls of steel. This CTO proceeded to yell out how much all the vendor contracts cost and that if these fucks didn't get their shit together he'll release the lawyers from the dungeon of debt.10
My start at one of the Big Four (accounting firms).
The first two days of each month they organise "onboarding days" for the new starters of that month. (I so hate upper management buzzwords!) They sent me a formal invitation that looked like I was being invited to a ball with the royals, and they included the following super-smarty-pants line: "Dress code: would you wear jeans and t-shirt when you meet a client?"
And I thought: "I'm an effing hardware and software engineer for internal services. I will never meet a client." But I dressed formally nonetheless, and I went to the onboarding, and I hated every second I spent in those effing high heels, and don't get me started on how I managed to get a run on my stockings in the first hour.
The first day of the onboarding we sat through eight hours of general talks from senior employees who wanted to explain the "culture" and "values" of our company, but the worst of all was the three-hour introduction to IT services where they "helped us set up our new laptops" and taught us how to send e-mails and how to use the Company Portal.
On the second day, they divided us into groups depending on our speciality (assurance, taxes, legal, etc) and exposed us to further 8 hours of boredom related to our speciality. However, since the "digital services" thing was still new to them, we didn't have a category of our own, and we had to attend the introduction to one of the other categories, and I didn't understand one word of what was being said.
On the third day I finally went to my office and they provided me with a second laptop. It turns out that we engineers got different laptops and were allowed to manage it ourselves instead of letting central IT manage it for us. So I simply returned the laptop they had given me the first day and started working. However, for some reason, the laptop I returned was not registered, and two weeks later they started pestering me with emails asking where was the laptop "I had stolen". It took me 3 weeks of emails and calls to make them understand that I had returned the laptop immediately.
Also, on the two onboarding days we had to sign attendance, and since I forgot to sign the paper list on the second day, they invited me to the event the next month again. I explained to them that I had already attended the onboarding and didn't go, so they invited me again on the third month, and they threatened me with "disciplinary action" if I didn't go. After a week of lost time writing emails and calling people, I ended up going to the onboarding again just to sign the effing list.
In the end, I resigned during the probation time. That company was the worst experience of my life. It was an example of corporate culture so absurdly exaggerated that it sometimes reminded me of Kafka's Trial. I think they have more "HR representatives" than people who do actual work.6
Time to download a 20GB image on corporate network: 7 hours.
Time to tell my NAS at home to download the image, go home - by public transport - copy the 20GB file to my laptop (already downloaded before I get home) and travel back to the office... 1 hour 50 minutes.
My office even has fibre optic and my home copper...9
"Why do you think we should delay launching the new site?"
Because it's late afternoon on a Friday.
"So? What does it matter?"
Here's a bunch of good reasons.
"Nah let's do it today anyways."3
This is for all the junior devs and people moving into the corporate world.
Remember, HR is there to protect the company, NEVER the employee.
Do not fall for the okie-doke when they tell you they are there to help.
If destroying you is cheaper in the long run than damage to the company then be sure they will slit you from ear-to-ear.7
Because blockchain is a merkle tree-like data structure that isn’t synonymous with a cryptocoin. I feel like blockchain fell into that buzz word pit, with machine learning, that execs use to try sound innovative and smart in front of superiors.6
Big News from corporate today, we are no longer making bots to replace people. We are now "virtualizing" the workforce.
I swear I'm living in a dilbert strip...2
Today I decided to quit my job. Yesterday I had my yearly review couldn't be more perfect, I did everything they asked me for and more (help with recruitment, animate conferences, work very late a lot of time, work during my vacation days...) yet to be surprised that I will only have 3% raise (on a low salary). I feel not valued and I was very disappointed :(8
So I thought I will set up a PIN to make logging into the corporate PC easier. Hm... based on these requirements I can probably stick with password.12
I was about to ask my manager to roll me out off the project in my company.. it has been 4 years .... Yesterday he came and told me he is going to give me an big fat Raise !3
Are you reading your own email?! Do you even comprehend what you just wrote?!
At least it's Friday. Happy Friday everyone!1
I hate the fucking fakeness at my corporate workplace. Everybody's kissing everybody's ass. What' worse is that individually, they're nice people but the environment changed them and they don't even notice it.
Also they fucking congratulate themselves for their fucking great work but all they did is basically a big crud app. We're all just a bunch of code monkeys. I'm so getting out of there.13
Sometimes I wish people were Linux processes so that I could kill them for being so fucking useless.
Ruined my weekend for no reason. Get a fucking life.10
my job offer reply rant from today >>>>
thanks for the offer but reading from job description your solutions look obsolete, old and complete mess to me.
I am mainly focused on modern open source, flexible technology stack and this job would not be a challenge I am looking for.
<<<< end of story1
My bosses have estimated 5 (five!) days to start & finish a corporate website (no wordpress) for one of our clients.
However, we don't even have images and texts :)
This will be funny6
What the PMs always say: Always be thinking of ways to improve our system.
Me: Hey this is really poorly built. We should rebuild it before moving forward.
PMs: No just use the same code we used before. It was working so we don't need to rebuild it.4
I'm not sure whether to cry or to burn everything to the ground.
I'm stuck in a rotten, over aged corporate that will one day choke on all the documents and formalism they require. Which is something I'm generally fine with. Each to their own.
But ever since I handed in my resignation they have been fucking me like I have never been gang raped before.
(A little context: I work for a midsize financial institute. Which at least in Germany are full of legacy projects and are regulated as all hell.)
So some fuckwits decided that since the regulator slapped us hard 2 years ago that we need to make up a new standard of documentation that has to be used for all IT-documentation there ever was and ever will be.
So the upper management (the before mention dumb-dumbs) choose some consultant company and locked them up together with the brightest stars (read biggest slime balls) of the IT department in an ivory tower and told them to pull some out the ass.
And one year later (early November last year) they got the shit they ordered. Gilden shit, only the most sparkly and non-sensical bullcrap you could imagine.
But they only looked at it and deemed it good. Now the guys actually in charge of the the applications got served the dish. And guess what they found out when started to dig into? Nothing but contradictions, non-final thoughts and all of that held together by web of retarded, unusable guidelines. But they ate it, they cursed but they swallowed forced by disciplinary punishments waiting should they misbehave.
The only one emerging fact was: All previous documentation was completely invalidated.
But now the mighty lords in the ivory tower guided by the never failing hand of the higher management had the greatest idea of them all. They needed someone to check all the documentation till the end of this year but since they blew all of their budget on useless wankers ( oh, ofc I meant "highly qualified external help") they now preyed on the lowest in the food chain. Which is where this story goes full circle and comes back to me.
I was the lowest rank on the food chain, a student that just handed in his resignation.
I was the first to be locked up in the basement, my co-student followed shortly after.
And now I'm going to spend my last 2 months looking at checklists that we had to pull out of the slime's ass and validating hundreds of thousands of pages of documentation. We get grinded up in the endless hate coming from the guys that we need to tease and are held in position by a wall of sheer idiocy on the side of the rule makers.
Today I cried when I had to tell someone that his magnificent documentation was not standard conform and had thus no longer any meaning or right to exist.
Thanks you for those that made it this far down. I hope you never have to feel my pain.11
Woke up this morning with a fuck this shit mood. I need to write test specs for a system I don't know shit about, and it seems no one who work with this system wants to talk to me, so I gave up and started devranting and reading a game dev book. Fuck this shitty job.2
Not specifically dev related other than being hired as a dev, more a corporate thing.
I have medical issues that mean I can be a bit variable in my starting time. Company was aware and floated flexible hours as a possible solution, but never said it *was* a solution, and just left it there really breezy.
Nailed this down with my line manager a couple weeks later after HR lost their shit, apologised and thought nothing of it.
Few days later I read a blog post about IP clauses in contracts that reminded me I intended to ask, as mine didn’t have one.
Asked HR, no response for like an hour, then “we’ll get back to you on that”
Following week, pulled into a sudden meeting. “Sorry for short notice of meeting, but we’re terminating your employment effective immediately for ‘lack of commitment’”.
The day before, the company literally had a company day where they banged on about their values and how they wanted to support their employees and foster an environment for good health and good mental health.
No disciplinary proceedings. My line manager found out 5 minutes before I did.
I emailed a few colleagues afterwards and apologised, and they were stunned it had gone down the way it did.
I was so blindsided and angry in the meeting, especially after I believed I’d found a company that was actually different and cared.
And I did my work, I stayed late quite often, even produced a couple internal devops tools in my time there.
The kicker is that it was within the probation period, so I have literally no recourse for any action against them.
What’s the most bullshit corporate clusterfuck you’ve been through devRant?2
After I showed my private desk last already, here still my place at work. Meanwhile I don't even know how to program productively with less than three monitors under Windows.
But now you know one of our wonderful corporate wallpapers. And yes, my desktop is always so empty, that's no fake.4
Remember when I said don't launch on a Friday?
Coming into work on Monday with a broken site is exactly why we don't do that...
Now I get to deal with fixing this issue while also dealing with complaints from managers who act like I didn't warn them.
Inspiration for alcoholism.5
Have you ever checked your Teams logs??!
It even logs mouse/keyboard and window activity...
And reports it to your employer with fucking colorfull dashboards. Fuck them...24
*looks for jobs in system administration*
For our client in $location we're looking for a Network and System Administrator ... to manage our local IT infrastructure (so far so good) ... that's Microsoft-based.
Fuck that company.
Requirements: deployment and maintenance of servers, backups and storage, updates, yada yada.. fine with me.
yOU wiLl mAiNtAiN WanBLowS sUrVaR sYsTeMs
Fuck that company too.
Does anyone here in Belgium even work with fucking Linux servers?! Or should I really relocate to the Netherlands to get something decent?!!28
Finally, after almost a month waiting, got my offer letter..
Gonna start a new journey..
Here I come,
Into the Corporate World..4
Who said corporate life had to be dull.
Sometimes you just need to step outside and enjoy the view.9
You know that the mobile ecosystem is completely fucked when you have to open up your device just to do a hard power cycle.. and what for? What's the fucking difference between a connector inside of the device, and one that's outside the device? A couple of cubic millimeters? If it's even that much?19
The management brought some devs from another outsourcing company into our project to overcome the fact that we, the existing developers, are retarded. We are retarded because they change the scope continously (aka daily) and we can’t keep track with their requests. They want something and after we implement it, they want it changed. Completely.
Instead of getting the project and deep dive into it using the materials (setup, architecture etc.) I prepared along the way, their PM said that we have to make some low level knowledge transfer. This knowledge transfer session happened on Friday.
The presenters were me and one of my colleagues. After 2 hours of training, we found out that the supposed senior devs don’t know how to use GIT, they don’t have a clue about Spring nor Angular (nor any SPA framework), their only questions were ‘why didn’t you use X?’ (where X = bootstrap, jQuery etc.) etc.
What is even funnier: during the presentation we were asked to keep a screen sharing opened during working hours for a couple of days just so the new devs could see how we are working.
Guess what happened with the scope on Friday evening: it changed again because ‘you got new devs so there will be multiple resources to handle tasks’.
2 more weeks and i’m out of there...7
Fucking IT and their self signed corporate proxy SSL bullshit getting in the way of anything that needs to verify SSL requests,
Fuck you for making my day a slow and miserable day and having to resort to forcing rest apis and SDKs to work over HTTP instead, all in the name of “Security”.2
Coworker: hey can you do this?
Me: sure *couple hours later* it's done.
Coworker several hours later: that thing you did completely changed. Can you update it?
*checks the platform we use so non devs can create web pages* All of my code was erased and I have to restart and add even more functionality. Why the actual fuck would you hire web developers if you're just going to have other employees use a poorly built tool to build pages. Every fucking time something breaks in the shitty fucking app, I have to fix it. Or if it doesn't do some crazy functionality, I have to hack code in there to do it in the ugliest way. Fuck tools like this. Fuck companies who make money off of these tools/use these tools. And fuck the developers who make these shitty tools that give real web developers so much frustration.4
Today one person called me to ask if he could create a corporate email without buying the domain.
*More people that wanna be rich without spending a penny *4
A month or so ago this manufacturer of soldering equipment contacted me with the request to make a video about a review unit (a soldering handle) that they'd send to me for free in exchange. Initially I was really pumped about it - company would send me free stuff!! - but fast-forward to today and I realized how terrible a choice I've made by accepting that offer.
See, that handle is worth only €40 and I've spent so much time on the bloody video material already that it'd make my "pay" expected to be close to €1/h if not less. I feel like I've been exploited, especially since I don't even like the handle's design and am not using it. It's just collecting dust, making my work essentially free labor.
I could return the item but that's gonna cost me a fuckload of money, I could pay for the handle and cut my losses that way.. or I could do the review anyway and end up feeling very bad about that company. Or I could tell them to fuck off and lose a supply chain for my soldering equipment.
I have no idea what to do about this..
Oh and the fact that the correspondent in that company has the worst Chinglish skills imaginable, the communication skills of a toddler and is also super indecisive (they asked me to make a YouTube video first which led me to assume a video format for YouTube, but instead they want to put it on their fucking AliExpress product page, rendering my existing video footage useless!) doesn't help either.. I hate that shit company. Fucking leeches!
Anyway, what would you do when you're in a position like that?6
2nd day in new job. Random HR training blabbing about something (thanks God all remote so I just did things around house). Blabbing about diversity and other corporate brainwashing. Then she proceeds to say that if someone is introvert and doesn't like to interact with people then such person should look for work in some other company (wtf x1). Next in line her real life story how she yelled at her subordinates (wtf x2 who admits to mobbing xd ) but that's ok because she is choleric and people have to understand that different character types make their team better xD
I have a bad feelings about where this is going...7
- "Hi A, we had a bug in production due to a changed category ID which we were not informed of."
- "Oh but my API just proxies the content from team B."
- "Hi B, we had a bug in production due to a changed category ID."
- "Ah, I have nothing to do with category IDs, you should talk to my colleague C."
- "Hi C, we had a bug in production due to a changed category ID."
- "I wish I knew anything about that, you should contact person D!"
- "Hi D, we had a bug in production due to a changed category ID."
- *changes status to "Absent" on IM*
I started recently working for a big company, and when I say big, I mean really BIG.
Well, my colleagues are from different parts of the world, of course some names are harder to pronounce, so, let's say your name is 'Yagarishmakeshin', well, sometimes is easier(and I used to think friendly) to call you by a shorter name, for this example let's say 'Yag', you know, like Apu form the Simpsons, which is normal I think, people use to call me always by shorter names too and is fine.
Well, yesterday I received a complain from HR saying some people complain about this, it turns out this is offensive or degradating; I was also warned about not calling a girl 'girl', example:
- random girl at my team - So, I created this routine which is very effective and provides good performance
- me - Awesome girl, very cool
Well, Someone complain I call them 'girl' and is not fine.
I cannot tell you how frustrated I feel about this, is like, if you feel uncomfortable with a short name, just say it to me, something like 'Hey I prefer you call me by my full name' or something like that, but nah, you prefer to raise a complain like if I were a fucking predator or something; Also, I cannot retaliate or mention the topic, I need to change and pretend nothing happened.
Fuck you big corporations, and fuck you skinny stupid bitch18
Work enforced a screensaver policy - a corporate screensaver that even us local admin devs can't change.
I swiftly made a .reg script and distributed it.
We all laugh whenever someone's "Ribbons" screensaver starts up.
I love using my powers for evil.1
When you're training a new guy who thinks hes better than you and completely overwrites all the code you've been working on because he thinks UX designed it wrong and it should look "correct". Thats not how corporate business works buddy...2
About 3 weeks ago I joined $BIG_CORP via campus recruitments. Today, when the alarm went off, I said to myself "Screw this, I'll make it to the 10am class" and instantly realized I wasn't in college anymore.
Welcome to the rest of my life, I guess
Years of mandatory corporate IT security training has taught me not to open this car, its probably a virus.3
So a little story about finding your way. I worked at an IoT software firm, very well established. I had a hard time with the on boarding process due to some factors, and I must have lagged behind their mental schedule for my growth. It was clear nonetheless that I was a quality coder and had made some friends there.
It wasn’t enough for the ensuing corporate bullying. It went by and I took it. I became the yes man just so I don’t frustrate anyone enough to turn away my ask for help. This made things worse and before long, I a grown man went to visit my mum and all but cry at how small I felt, after all my hard work getting to the company.
I felt sick with failure but I knew I couldn’t go back. I emailed my resignation and dropped off my company laptop.
4 months later I am working at a medical startup with my own projects, that I have 100% control over. And the quality of my work and ethic is pleasing upper management in all the right ways. I’ve never been happier, and there are barely any perks on paper. No free lunches on Thursdays or discounts at the local high street. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life because I said NO to feeling or being treated any less than I worked and progressed to be.
Don’t let other people stop your potential for their own ego, or any other reason. 😊
Recently I disassembled this Remington beard trimmer that I have, right. Thinking that I probably just depleted the battery or something like that, and that that's why the fucking thing would turn off after 10 seconds, with a miserable motor speed that could only be caused by what.. 2.5V or something like that? So I kept up with it for a while, and then a few days ago, I finally disassembled the fucking thing.
New 4.2V LiPo battery of my own attached, wicked! The thing has a 2Ah capacity and is fully charged, so fuck all in a big ship, I'ma shave my fucking hair without protection, who cares with 2Ah anyway, given that motors at 4.2V consume only 800-ish mA, right. So I shaved my head, and figured.. holy shit mate, I fucking beat this fucking cunt, fuck you Remington! Planned obsolescence my ass!!!
Just now @xewl sent me a request that made me reconsider this shaver. Some PS3 controller, should be easy enough to fix. But I referenced my shaver so I figured that I might actually check it beforehand.
The original fucking battery has 4V left on it. 4 fucking volts! That ain't gonna trip shit for an overdischarge protection circuit!!! WHY THE FUCK REMINGTON, WHY THE FUCK DID IT (IF ANYTHING) TRIP?! And more importantly, why did you make the motor turn for only 10-ish seconds after charging, 1 year after purchase, despite the fucking cell having 4 fucking volts in it, which is more than plenty to get the thing turning for at least a 60% charge?! Planned obsolescence perhaps, hmm?
But let's say that it was bad contacts or something like that. After all, my probing was a bit intermittent, showing 1.5V (if it's shorting, shouldn't it be in the mV range?) and then 4V at times, until I separated the nickel connectors from the 16500 cell. Why the fuck should that thing short, considering that it's unprotected?! The fucking cell is unprotected, and you Remington are going to let it short? What kind of fucking engineering is that, you fucking braindead morons?!!!
And why do you use a 16500 cell which isn't very standard over a 18650 cell, which is? Again, planned obsolescence? Fucking vile pieces of shit.
Now what's more.. I tried to power on the shaver for a picture for this fucking rant, using a LiPo cell of my own that I used to shave my hair with the other day, to get a nice picture of my little hack. But the fucking thing, despite having 3.89V left in it after that fucking shave, which is more than plenty for a lithium cell, the fucking unit doesn't power on. WHAT THE FUCK REMINGTON?!! That's planned obsolescence at its best, init?!! You vile fucking pieces of shit.
So I guess that this rant is no more one of "I beat these Remington cunts". It is one of "you can bet your fucking ass that planned obsolescence is a thing!!"7
We are developing a single page APPLICATION which will be embeded into another single page APPLICATION using iframes (!?!?!?!). The embedded SINGLE PAGE application has POPUPS (browser instances, not UI popups) opened. Every app contains at least 75% of the other apps and they do not share common code. Everything in IE11 and ng4.10
Corporate fucking bullshit. Go fuck yourself with your kpi, measurement tools etc. All i wanted to do was make the world a better place with some code.3
Corporate Culture™: when those seniors who spend half of their time gossiping with each other pretend to be too busy to answer a junior's question.3
Got feedback after job interview #33:
Yeah we don’t think you have enough corporate experience...
YOU COULD HAVE READ THAT IN MY RESUME BITCH! STILL YOU SPEND MY FUCKING TIME AND GAS!3
The ups and downs of a corporate database developer job:
Ups: Great pay and benefits, advancement opportunities, job security.
Downs: Windows 7, Office 2012, Oracle DB 11 release 1 (2008)... not exactly a cutting edge environment.2
In an age of GitHub and cloud computing, how can a freelance dev using their own laptop be classed as a security risk?
These crude rules laid down by corporate IT depts just make companies look silly.1
Fuuuuck this corporate bullshit. I'm basically sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for some jackass to grant me access to the server that my boss moved my code over to. Why the hell did you put my app on a production server that runs every 30 minutes...THAT I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO?? Now there's a critical bug and a $50K order in limbo because I can't push any fixes. Fuck me. The worst part will be in the next hour or so when dozens of people are calling, emailing, and attacking my cubicle like rabid animals about why orders aren't moving and I'll have to explain that production is a train wreck because reasons. Just end me.2
I fucking hate meetings! I just spent 3 hours in a meeting arguing on how to do pull requests to master.
I am now nursing a severe headache of bullshit ideas and loud voices!!!!!!3
Senior management just had a covid opening up party, streamed it on YouTube in the middle of the office with not a single person wearing a mask or social distancing. Encouraging employees to come back to working in the offices.
I AM FUCKING DONE. IM DONE.
It hasn't been a week since one of our employees died and these were the same people who emailed the team asking to donate towards the bereaved family.
This isn't even a rant. It baffles me that narcissistic bullshit like this is legal. How can anyone be that fucking stupid? Just how. Explain this shit to me. Because these aren't total assholes. They're generally nice people outside of work. Why is it that anything touched by corporate greed gets corrupted to the point of inhumanity.
Every time I hear the word "trailblazing" I throw up a little. Even beats "synergy" as a useless, demonic corporate buzzword.10
F*CK...that feeling when you were working as a junior UI/UX designer for about 3 weeks in new company, you were on a project which is almost finished and delivered...
1 and half week Later (after technical issues - check my older rants)......
you have noticed one quite importat mistake in the designs, which were done by senior designers, which can lead in future to a huge Ux problems - so huge, that users will probably leave/close the app and will not purchase the product via that app... ( We can say than whole design solution was a waste of money for the client)... On that designes was working a team of 4 people, about 3 Months (and the app (prototype) had to be ready already 2 Months back)...
the deadline was pushed 2x already...
And your boss (senior designer) tell you that this is not such an issue.. But thx for your opinion.....
1 week Later by user testing 4 out of 4 people were asking about that stuff I told to my boss that is missing...
And I was ignored...
In less than 1 week Later after the testing I get fired from the company without no reason...
Or better - the reason was:
I have too little experiences for this job...
Dont know if I should laugh or cry🤦♀️🤣/😭8
What's worse than a meeting jam-packed with corporate bullshit? An entire day of the same stuff, rebranded as a conference.
Corporate computer with autofill for password to secured document system. Just typed in the console Document.getElementById('password').value to print it out.
Am now l33t h@ckzor?6
There comes that dreaded time in the life of a developer working in a conservative, borderline medieval corporate, where darkness sweeps over the land and the evil lords rummage through every peasant's hovel searching for the forbidden - AKA software audit.
So I made a list of all the unauthorized open source code we desperately rely on, and we decided as a team to go down in flames and gloriously fail the audit, a legend of sacrifice that shall be passed on in hushed voices.3
Work out the major requirements,
Identify platform(s) and environment best suited to project,
Design and develop around core features,
Allow 6-12 weeks for scope creep and the additional BS features,
Build, test and deploy in a week or two to meet unattainable deadlines.
Spend new couple of months refactoring and fixing everything.
[Post marked as: Random]
Microsoft joins the Open Source Initiative as a corporate sponsor.
You know how in war-zones they use children as human shields? Well, that's basically what I'm used for when the corporate executives arrive on site.
Send forward the young ones, and hope they show mercy!
So far it worked.4
Our job is basically doing something new or something we've never done everyday and trying to guess things over and over again until it works.6
Today the corporate proxy decided to flake out on me. Every single external site was blocked.
I was shown a very helpful page informing me the site I wanted to visit was blocked. If I had legit need to access the site or believe the site was blocked in error I could contact IT via a helpful link.
And yeah, the IT support site was blocked by the proxy too.1
Nope, definitely not going to work for that customer anymore. Fuck this shit. At least for this week.
My background: mid-30 years old, some kind of business & IT consultant / lead dev working for a mid sized CRM consulting company, with approx 15 years of experience in development and software architecture, most of the time "thinking" in C#, still learning new languages, being a cloud evangelist and team lead. We usually have customers with customers (B2B/B2C).
Personality type "campaigner" (ENFP-A).
Today the project lead of my client (a big corporation in the energy industry) told me that he still didn't order all the necessary resources for the cloud project. Just to be clear: He's on the client side. We (the architects, one internal and me) told him one month ago what we need for the beginning. Just a few things - an Azure subscription, a license for the CRM platform, and our dev tools.
And now let's guess when the project is planned to begin? Yeah, right: 1st of April. NO APRIL'S FOOL. And guess what? Next Tuesday we'll do the onboarding for the new (external) devs, and NOTHING will be ready. Yeah, just let us build stuff in our minds, and on the whiteboards, because it's an AGILE project, right? We don't need any systems and tools...
And now he sent me the questionnaires which need to be answered before any cloud service can be ordered by the corporate IT. And yes, he didn't answer a single thing, and just meant "Those are architecture questions" (they are not) and (of course) "please provide the answers until Monday morning, so we can FINALLY order the services."
Yeah, you fucktard. Of course it's MY FAULT now. Maybe I should write an email to your boss asking how we can speed things up a little bit...4
This is so true. I agree no one will slow down and put in the effort to make lasting stuff or it is rare.
"It Just Seems That Nobody is Interested in Building Quality, Fast, Efficient, Lasting, Foundational Stuff Anymore"
Article from Slashdot:
The spokesman of an international corporate published a LinkedIn post about why people should work for this company.
Clause 1 was: "Here you get almost 3 monthly salaries as bonus. My wife loves it!"
Right, because he doesn't enjoy the money at all - the PR guy who sold his Ferrari, really. Just his greedy wife, spending his hard-earned money.
This sexist, 50's vibe approach to women is expressed publicly and formally by a spokesman of a corporate that claims to adopt values such as equality, diversity, etc. *facepalm*52
"I really like how corporate America ruins you as a person within two years. If you had any aspirations to do anything useful for humanity, they gone."
-Text from my best friend from graduate school3
I'll just start off with how I really feel. Fuck big corporations with their career robots and retarded practices!
Now for a story. So I work remotely for most of the time nowadays, since my company has as clients big corporations. Used to be embedded with said clients, but it became kind of painful to work with them all so I asked to be reassigned to a remote position.
Now for the retarded part: The fucking Klingons I'm working with have two tiers to their VPN, but won't let me have the full version because it would be too fucking expensive. I checked and it's fucking 50 bucks per year difference.
So for that the Klingons are making me code through a remote connection that has a "best effort" priority.
Anyway after 3 weeks of writing code at a 400-600ms latency I finally snap.
I try to use a proxy and it. I write one myself, gets balcklisted in 2 days.
After about another week of writing code through a fuck straw I start working on node socket with 2 clients and a server that encrypts the send data, and syncs 2 folders between my workstation and the remote one.
It's been a month now and it is still working. It's not perfect, but I can at least write code without lag.
Question for you peeps: What shenanigans have you pulled to bypass shit like this?4
Recently I've had some Airpod knockoffs in the mail for about €8 while they were in a promotion. They are pretty usable, and while I do not own the authentic Airpods, my unit seems to have all its most important functions that I'd expect of a pair of Bluetooth earbuds (given that I've been using those since 2015 already, so plenty of experience with such things). Given that, the Apple Airpods'd better give me a morning blowjob for their price!
Seriously, what is the point of such Apple earbuds. For me, the important thing is that they are wireless earbuds that can operate independently or in sync as desired. It's earbuds that can be recharged on the go using some kind of portable 3.7V lithium cell in a charging dock that can directly drive the 3.7V cells in the earbuds. That's all.
Bill of materials? 2 tiny Bluetooth controllers, 2 speaker drivers, ABS injection moulding for the charger pocket thingy and the earbuds themselves, a charge controller for the "docking station", and some tiny lithium cells for each, provisioning size-capacity for whatever will still fit. That's all.
Is that worth €150? Like hell it is. And sure some capacitive sensor in the earbud for touch-based control would be useful. But guess what, even that isn't expensive! Capacitive sensing is dirt easy (https://youtu.be/mWR9Q_pTagw), and for something like the Airpods you could probably get away with 3-4 stationary capacitive touch sensor modules. Cost of that per unit if I were to design it and outsource it to China? €15 at best. Yet Apple charges €150-something for their Airpods. What the fuck?!7
I have a server. I want to filter connections to that server so only people on my work network can access the server. A quick search yielded my public IP address.
"Is this static?" I asked IT. "Do we have static IP address?"
"What do you mean? What do you need that for? You better know EXACTLY what you are doing before we release that information to you!!!! This needs to go to my manager. My manager is demanding to know why you want that information - we are having Network Engineering look into this request, someone will be in touch to find out more."
I have now been waiting for 3 hours. I think I will just go ahead and assume my IP is not going to change...5
Start your career at a startup... Only join a corporate or start your own business few years after that... In startups you'll face lots of issues that'll build your technicality and give you a very valuable experience3
Me : We need a resource that can help us achieve the deadlines that you set and the sudden requirement changes that arrive.
Manager: What are the requirement specifics?
Me: Candidate should have industry experience and have worked on such and such projects.
Manager: Better to take new interns. We can have 4 interns in cost of 1 full time.
Me: What about skills and relevant experience?
Manager: You can teach them right?
Me: What about the deadline then?
Manager: You will have 4 people to achieve deadline.
I am currently in a contract for 1 year that expires in May. Should I breach the bond and run from this shit manager? Should i persist like a stoic?
Help me people, I am dying working under this piece of shit that doesn't even know where to type git clone and claims himself to be very technically advanced!8
Meeting with middle level managers.
Me - data scientist, saying data science stuff, like what accuracy we have and what problems with performance we managed to solved.
Manager 1: Ok, but is this scrum?
Manager 2: No they're using kanban.
Manager 3: That's no good. We should be using DevOps, can we make it DevOps?
So yea, another great meeting I guess..4
I’ve worked at six companies over my 10 years of professional programming. All companies say they track internet usage of the employees. This is the first company I have worked for that sends you a weekly summary of sites that you visit.5
have you ever felt that you enjoyed and loved your job and coding, then after a while all of the joy, contentment and vigor just left together with the wind?
Well I have, and let me tell you the story of my peope and the feature whirlpool drain of death, slowly `agile`ing you to the death of creativity.
First everything was seemingly good, Its your product, a baby that every one is contributing to make, a great idea in the making.
Fastforward after the baby was fully materialize, and you are watching his first step, usually you are happy seeing his slow growth. But ITS A BIG FUCKING NO. He wants the baby to go faster, bigger and stronger, more than what he can chew. Then you watch as the baby grew into an abomination. A monster of undistinguishable and parts. It grew inhumanly large. BUT it never grew and it never matured. The baby sits there, and were just here injecting all sorts of stuff just to make his father happy. But the end of the day he will ask more and more and more, until the cycle goes on. The baby grows but does not mature, and were here trying to make his father accept the baby. But NO he like more. Sadly we have no power over this. we are mere slaves of the fathers bidding. his bitches, tools and nothing more...:(4
Shout out to all the Indian Devs who are stuck in their corporate jobs, AC and drinking water are the only two things that are free in office, always dreaming of getting a job in Silicon Valley which unfortunately seems almost impossible, and lastly as they silently suffer at hands of their managers who know nothing more than entering numbers in an excel sheet.7
Creating a cluster with shared storage in Proxmox
Once you've learned how to configure a single Proxmox host and Linux and Windows guests, the next step is to expand...
Want to continue reading this article? Register here with your corporate email address. Because your private email address isn't good enough, we need your corporate one.
No TechTarget, how about you go fuck yourself? As if anyone is going to register just to read one fucking article on your goddamn shitty site. Fucking wanketeering dickheads.7
Is amazing the kind of shit you have to swallow when your management has regular meetings with really really super extremely good-looking sales people.10
Corporate take on Inception: A meeting about a meeting which discussed an email about an email.
How am I supposed to deal with unwanted swag? I attended a VR dev meetup (turned out to be pure corporate advertising) and someone placed unsolicited swag at my desk. After the corporate spiel I privately asked one of the coordinators where to return this because I don't want to put it to waste. He called me rude and walked away.3
When the project you've been working on gets canned at 85% completion since your project stakeholder decides to go back to the contractor he was initially trying to replace...
How's your morning, fellow devs?1
My side project is distracting me from my corporate, gotta pay the bills somehow and meet these damn deadlines, project! 😫😫3
COO Snake ousts CEO, fires founders, is generally clueless about tech and product and design and science (and basically everything this business is about) and expected me to drop everything else I do (rich, varied and fulfilling) and work full time as a slave-nerd. Some people just don’t get it.
A guy who had the same nationality as the enterprise we were working for was promoted from JUNIOR js developer to UX/UI coordinator for the entire department just because he was 2 year older than me (26 vs 28). Literally he was a junior dev and went to that.
One day he was accusing me of writing a piece of code which led prod to downtime. I was in the office, he was in another country with our manager and technical director next to him and we were talking over internal conference system. I shown git history + his name + his code and he was saying ‘that’s not true!!!’.
I couldn’t resist and I began to yell something like ‘You fucking fuck piece of shit cocksucker...’ for 5 minutes. Since that day i was the god on my project for UI/UX side.
Even now he is in the same place on the same position...
PS: more stories to come with this guy6
At home: Man I really love code and everything I can do with it. I'm a fucking wizard.
At work: You want me to copy and paste some text into the view for you? Okay... *cries into keyboard*
Corporate IT blocks all network traffic, whitelists port 80 and 443 😡
... cos port number is the best predictor of security threats, amirite? 😒2
On the morning of my 4th day at the new job I woke up with that feeling in my stomach "I fucking don't want to go to work anymore".
it took 3 days. Must be my personal best.
I live in lines of code, broken environments, and tattered tests and you want to know how it's going...
every 30 minutes...
all day every day..
for a week.
And now I am attempting a GTA V hack to explode this Program Managers phone into his thick corporate skull.
Wish me luck
Project_Engineer >= 🍀=💩:= 🖕
A great corporate culture, pleasant coworkers, a caring manager, meaningful work, and a good salary. Hmmm. Thank you for reminding me that I have a pretty close to ideal Dev job. I can live with what's missing. 🤠
They asked to me build corporate website with Registration, Social login, API integration, Maps, Distance calculator, Weather, Currency convertor, etc. Using WordPress.
I don't know whether I am f@#*ed or doomed or something else.2
Two months of meaningless meetings and calls to assess "requirements" and three months worth of actual development work crammed into 3 weeks. Fuck this corporate bs. Agile my ass.
Next week, I'll be with a new company - this week I'm scouring the corporate laptop for all the places I stashed personal SSH keys and AWS credentials.1
So at the beginning of the year I took a new job at a large, stable company. Leaving a failing startup, toxic leadership, and an absolutely stellar development team in the process. Given what's happened in the world since then, I'm overall pretty happy with the decision to have some more stability for me and my family.
That being said, I'm super bummed out (and weirdly burned out) now because I feel like I'm becoming a worse engineer.
I've worked for large organizations before (single digit thousands of employees), but never have I experienced a personification of enterprise memes like this. Leadership too out of touch, lots of bullshit work just to make worthless reports look good, horrific legacy codebases and infrastructure, you name it.
My biggest problem are the expectations are shockingly low. I went from a hyper demanding work environment where the fate of the entire company seemed to hang in the balance each and every week, to an environment where we literally invent arbitrary, bullshit deadlines and requirements so we have something to feel some stress about. And even still, most of the deadlines are laughably far away. The pace of work that's not only accepted, but praised is so slow that I find myself procrastinating more and more. I spend so little time doing any work, and even less time doing things that would pass as "interesting", that I feel like the engineering and problem solving part of my brain is starting to rot.
To make matters worse, the culture is weirdly confrontational despite the pace being so slow. The people here are _incredibly_ pedantic and will launch into 15 minute arguments over the tiniest incorrect details in a story title. Interrupting someone just so you can say what they were going to say is a daily trial. And most ridiculous of all, _repeating_ word for word what someone _just_ finished saying like it was your thought and you didn't even hear them. I don't even know what the motivation for this could be because it makes them look like total clowns.
I've tried to bring up some of the things I find ridiculous, but most everyone has just accepted them at this point and there's virtually no effort to try and make things better. I only get stupid non-answers like "obviously you've never worked at a large enterprise before". Yes I have. Twice. We didn't partake in half the bullshit that happens here.
Honestly this was all just a passing frustration for the first month or two, but 7 months in I'm starting to see myself become complacent. My current output would be absolutely _shameful_ to myself from a year ago, and even my personality has started to shift to the point that I just go with the flow and don't challenge anything.
I've stopped keeping up with tech trends. I've stopped experimenting with new things. I've tried to do more work on personal projects, but the burnout is starting to affect my life outside of work. In general I've just completely stopped trying, and I absolutely fucking hate it.
I also feel like a total tool for complaining about having a cushy, stable job where I barely have to do anything given the current world climate. But I'm more miserable now than I think I've every been in my career. Has anyone else experienced this and found ways to combat it? How do you get your motivation back once it's lost and there isn't even any pressure to regain it?
I totally blame myself for becoming part of this joke. That's totally on me for not continuing to push myself, but I never realized how much of my "drive" from the last job was coming from the high stakes we were operating under. I really just want to get back to being proud of my work and pushing to be better.
Anyway, sorry for the lengthy post. This turned out to be a weirder rant/self-roast than I intended. But I'm hoping this will be the first step to kicking my own ass back into shape.6
Fucking corporate bullshit. My laptop, when plugged in, has no need for power saving settings. I leave it plugged in with the screen locked, when I'm not at the office. But if I ever change any power settings, the corporate rootkit changes them back to unreasonable settings about once an hour. So I put this on a 300 second while loop.
I would like to rant one more time about my internship.
I began in July, the first. That's my sister who helped me to find this internship and I was a little scared about how bad it could be.
I came at the office, my boss told me that I would work in an "Innovation lab", an apartment where people works on projects that are less corporate than the enterprise's ones.
To me, it was amazing. So I came in this apartment, it was like a dream. I didn't know that I would have such luck to be in this environment : kitchen, sofas, beds, many decorations for all political ideologies, ideas. There was some decorations that were about weed and many cool things for the young guy I am.
The lab's leader told me that it was a very free environment and all the awesome stuff I could use.
Then they showed me where I would work.
We were two interns employed as web developers. We had a complete room for us.
Then we began to work there, and I was presented to my internship tutor.
He gave me some instructions but told me that I had a week before the project begin.
Here began the troubles.
We waited a complete week without having any instructions. Then we began to build something in PHP with our knowledge and the informations someone from the lab gave us.
When finally we had news from the project, two weeks later, we learned that the project would be built with ASP. NET.
Here we go, I learn ASP. NET alone. I have many problems and nobody helps (even if the problem comes from enterprise's API/Framework). I finally make something usable with no help, after I discovered that my mate wasn't developer at all and just took an option for her classes which forced her to get an internship.
She had 3 month left, I had 6.
Then when the project really began, nobody came to verify what I was doing and on a meeting, they said that I was doing nothing.
The boss even became mad on us because he couldn't see what we were doing (we're back end developers).
I asked for help to the developers of the enterprise and someone came, sad to have to help an internship, and learned some tricks but nothing else.
To have a concrete explanation of what DDD was, I had to ask 4 times for help.
Finally I had something that could receive data from the connected hives we are working on and store them into a database in the architecture of the enterprise.
Then, they wanted me to try an API for them. I tried, and it wasn't working at all. So they make me still wait to change my whole architecture when the API will be released.
Recently, I was told that I would never do the front-end of the project (which was an horror because of the fantasm of the lab leader). Then they realized that my late wasn't a programmer. So they asked me to make a prototype for the front-end. I did for a presentation.
Then they didn't tell me the device they would use for the presentation and it was an iPhone 7. Idk why, safari couldn't display what IE can.
They blamed me for having done a bad work. It wasn't my job. I did it to help because they can't find a fucking front-end developer with a little more experience than me.
Actually, I am an alone developer since my mate is gone and the lab leader don't want me to show up because she considers me as a shame.
I asked to be moved back in the office of the enterprise, they agreed and said it was a 2-weeks delay. It's the Thursday of the second week and I have no news. I send mails to my tutor, even SMS, he doesn't answer me. They didn't call me to give me my pay with a week late. And the person who is responsible doesn't answer me neither. I came to see her, but she wasn't available. I'm now alone in a desk, waiting the time to pass.
Fucking this shit.
I'm in France.
EDIT : I forgot to say that I can't use the sofas or bed because I'm allergic to cats and there were 3 cats. Now there is still one and this beast vomits and poos everywhere in the house...7
So I got a 1.7 grand laptop for free a week ago.
Fuck me, the company I'm working at is the best.
Hp elitebook 840 g5, 16 gigs and auto -crypting ssd.
Corpo life is the best. Shame it's got windows on it and I can't get linux on it.5
I wonder if it's possible to become a project manager or a scrum master without habitually incorporating the phrases, "circle back," "reinvent the wheel," and "one-stop shop," in your daily vocabulary.2
I'm Front-end dev and corporate policy doesn't let me upload *.js files, so I rename them to *.txt and change everything in the DOM without their knowledge...5
Fucking corporate bullshit, I was coding (mostly creating bugs and pulling my hair off) all night on my free time (I'm on night shifts I keep the schedule when I have my days off) and at the moment I was making huge progress on my project, I gotta go to sleep to go back to work 4h later to follow a fucking 2h training on team efficiency and cohesion, in other words, how to waste 2h in a useless meeting and not getting it back + interrupting the only night I was in the zone, I'm so tired of this....2
When the idea of a bonus is ignored again by corporate, and the idea of pay rises has been long forgotten3
CEO: Lets shift our REST app to graphql.
Me: what? why?
CEO: I saw this amazing video on youtube about it.
Me: But the app is working fine.
Me: ...so we should stay on the current arch.
Few hours later...
Me: Implementing graphql2
Me: *Making a very trivial suggestion, that every person with 1 working eye and 1 functional lobe can come up with*
Corporate managers: *Ponder. Verify competitors didn't implement it yet*. Great idea! let's patent it!4
Then the Corporate god said to the executives "Tell your slaves, I will soon pour out my wrath upon you. By this you will know that I am the Lord: With the staff that is in the IT's hand I will strike your computers with the plague of BitLocker, and throughout the land of Corporate, the code will become dust. Every partition but the main one will perish, from the laptop of the HR to the servers of the dev."
I mean, seriously, does BitLocker ever *not* fuck up everything?2
Corporate Training: to lock your screen press ctrl+alt+delete and select lock screen.
Non-Dev: need to lock screen, ctrl+alt+delete... It's not responding... Ctrl+alt+delete.... Wait why did my computer reboot.... NOOOOOOOO... MY WORK
Me, Dev: uhm I just used Win+L...2
people that answer a question with another fucking irrelevant question should have a special place in hell !!
why dont you just answer the fucking question when in the first place i asked you politely and nicely !!
the question doesn't even deserve a fucking follow up question in the first place !!
you've wasted both our time with your stupidity!!8
Started a new job on Monday. STILL DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO THE FUCKING SERVERS I NEED TO ANYTHING. Holy fucking shit I'm annoyed. Fuck you corporate bullshit. I already feel like quitting.3
I feel like I'm stuck professionally working on the same PWAs, SPAs and "fullstack" projects.
Surprising, how little professional options there are if you don't want to fall into the god-forsaken ML community.
Guess I chose the life. Might as well continue till I burnout ಠ_ಠ9
I hate corporate doublespeak.
A CTO was fired after 2 years at the position because he insisted on some projects that didn't stick and were not profitable for the company. The word spread throughout the corridors that he was destroyed by the CEO in a board meeting, and soon after he left. The HR sent an e-mail right away for the entire IT sector THANKING him by "the invaluable effort in bringing in important projects to the company that raised the tecnology to the next level".
Oh, come on.3
When you have to build a startup product using enterprise project management methodologies, and corporate practices.
Corporate America wasting billions stuffing database projects into spreadsheets cause it's what they know. Quickly becomes an unmanageable mess. Low hanging fruit.3
just sent an id_rsa private key file to our corporate Linux Administrator and he asked me to send him the private key in .ppk format. ==)))11
Today I solved issues I didn't cause and took International phone calls while on the toilet to help corporate.
Bug fixing can be a shit job, at least I was in the right place for it.1
I was asked by one of my clients to look in to CRM systems for them, one of their sales guys was pushing for sales force. Which to me was extremely expensive (and continuous expense) for such an old system with old thinking and horrendous ui/ux and totally unsuitable for them. I put them on to a modern fresh and truly great one https://capsulecrm.com/
I think there is a lot of this happening at the corporate level somehow somewhere, when clients tell you that Wordpress is the industry standard and Powerpoint is the only way to do presentations etc. etc.. Its a kind of corporate brainwashing.1
"It's very unfortunate that someone has to sit 10 hours a day on a computer screen but that's what we are paying for."
Working with an EU client.
Task is in stages beginning from assessment of an 9 year old Salesforce instance, cleanup and then transition to lightning.
The deliverabale in the first stage is excel sheet - objects(2400+), fields, apps, packages, profiles(110k), users, perm sets, apex classes, triggers, pages, s-controls and insert each and everything that a Salesforce instance could have.
Each and every data needs to be, analyzed and documented with our recommendations before being sent over. (Finding duplicates in 110k profiles??)
Oh, did I tell you, this was to be done four weeks? Weekend goes to hell.
That's when this beautiful motivational line comes up from the bridge, "It's very unfortunate that someone has to sit 10 hours a day on a computer screen but that's what we are paying for."
Fortunately(un?), that part of project is done and over with.
Now comes the clean up, identify packages not being used, remove them, qa and then push for deployment.
Mind you, this project is to be 2 weeks long. Its Friday of the first week today. And I am still working weekends.
Can I say, FML?5
Didn't work much for last 6 months.
Manager calls and tells me that I've gotten a half yearly appraisal based on my performance.
Asks me if I have any questions or something to say.
Didn't say a word.
Appreciates me and tells me to keep working hard.
Left the room with a slight grim on my face.
No expectations, no f**k.
Fucking Huawei have stopped giving out codes for unlocking the bootloader of their devices. You can't even get one by messaging their support.
Now you can't even root Huawei phones anymore unless you pay for some very sketchy looking software.
"what's the update?" - Team Lead
For every fucking idiotic task given, every 3 hours, as if the world is gonna end, while all you did in that time was have a tea, chat for a while, send a few mails, sat with a few co workers and checked up on them.
And then he gives me all these "tricky issues", which are apparently critical, and demands updates with a higher frequency! Never sat with me to solve even one of them. Not one.
I never thought that I lacked the basic common sense to update you as soon as I fucking have one.
Ooh, also loop in the senior manager right before annual appraisal. There goes my hike!3
A meeting to redefine the definition of done. Which a "senior" programmer threw in.
3 hours after we are still there to "define"... All of this because this developer and a couple more want to keep a physical board which has no space for a "testing" section, so the tasks need either to be done-but-not-really and this is technically wrong (who cares?) or in-progress-but-not-really which is technically wrong (again, who cares?).
Just effin find a bigger board and don't waste 3 hours of my life and/or start thinking pragmatically and accept tasks can move backwards or have a ticket saying "testing" stuck to them, ffs!
The funny part? This dev is probably one of the grumpiest devs I met when you talk about meetings which are actually useful.4
Is that time of the year when my company sends us gifts and they end up being the worst chinese products.3
Corporate life blunts your edge, wants you to follow procedure and process. Then out of nowhere they complain that you're like robots, Think outside the box! Innovate!
Today I found out we have 5 different Customer databases, one for each product area. We don't have access to more than 2 of them, while corp. it central has full access, but we have to beg and pay to see our own customers....
Now i'm tasked with integrating all these into a Customer db. and the way i get access is cobolt made, fixed length csv files and it's different for each db.
Well, it happened. They ripped me off...
They promissed the world and they delivered nothing.
All bets are off. From now on, I am not responsible for my actions.7
I'm in involved in a situation where one old corporate is helping build solution for another old corporate's Windows 98-XP systems.
Still a better love story than twilight.1
Accepting a 3 year old scratched and beaten PowerBook as my "new" dev machine. Especially when my personal, 4 year old one is as powerful but with double the disk space (SSD) and RAM... Then of course the new guys just joining actually do get new out of the box devices just as we're accepting that it's just not how the company works... I guess that's the bane of doing dev in a company that does resourcing as it's main focus thereby never understanding what's needed by us developers and why it is, or rather should be, different from the rest of the company.2
Sheer corporate asshattery.
What this means is that it could be possible for the big four browser companies to build DRM content into their browser standards that free developers cannot emulate.7
That moment you call a php curl script to download files handed to it from a python script because the http request in python somehow get blocked by corporate bullshit, but you also need access to MS products for this script to work, which you can't do in PHP.
# Corporate "Security" is bullshit
# Fail, Adapt, Overcome9
Need to make more "beautiful" our corporate website, all the theme's css is with !important... wtf!?3
KODESKOLE = CODESCHOOL
And they use a fucking closing dash in the beginning of the "tag"... like what the shit5
It's 3 years old but for any of you who hasn't seen "The Expert"..
Still the closest thing resembling my corporate life 🤣3
It is absolutely surreal on my first foray into the corporate world after contracting, to have to have some one that is not you do hardware fixes on your machine.2
Started a new job at a big firm (previously came from a startup). Both do "scrum". Still have my mind blown because at the new job, we have people join the standup of which NOBODY in the team knows what their role is on the product...
Does this happen often in big corporates?5
Arg so we were acquired by a corporate company a few months back and now they have installed cameras in the office and swipe cards... No trust :/1
How d'yall live without a boss who is an incredibly experienced developer?!
To those who have a corporate dickhead as a boss, you all have my sympathy
Wasting time of 20+ developers to deliver a 'how to use a bug reporting system', coz:
- you've only 2 newembers in team, and
- just to have a bi-weekly meeting.
Is not productive, motivating and wise by any means.
Combined $$$/hr amount here is quite an important metric.2
So, at my new workplace which completed another anniversary (my first) thought it's a chill place to work at.
Just heard internal bad bitching and stuff, fuck I hate corporate.
And there's this guy who must have watched a few episodes of Naruto and called Nine tails a wolf, a fucking wolf!
Then today during my introduction, the same guy interrupted me with a mock "This guy is a hacker and he can read all your messages"
I was very tempted to say what I used to do at my previous company but energy saving...
Ah.... I already don't like this guy6
Joining the corporate experience and being bored to death at high pay rather then making 20k less and working doing what I love10
Guys I need your help, I'm considering the corporate life, and I have two major options
A software factory where I would be working on maintaining existent systems and adding features, but I would learn a lot with their shadow program.
An IT department where I would use a lot of different technologies, .Net, Java, ADF, etc, maybe even hardware but I would be paid the fifth than with A.
So what do you think?14
Big military company is using their custom font for everything. Is there a way to find documents that use a specific font?
All hail to the corporate identity!4
How many of you working in a corporate environment can’t stand people escalating “issues” to your bosses, bosses, boss ad nauseam, for things that aren’t actual issues.
Here is something I created just for you!5
Not 1 Business Unit in Company: We need this feature immediately.
My Team: Anyone object to this 2 hour old merge request?
Me: Well, yeah, I found a couple things that we should probably go ahead and address.
My Team: we'll fix that in a future release
Me: But you said that last release...
My Boss: MR Accepted
Also My Boss: Can you make a new user story to fix this?1
In your earlier years. Try to work in a startup. Don't go for corporate life yet. You will learn hell of a lot in a small startup.
And also if you are doing job hunting just spam the recruiters and top officials of the company in LinkedIn until you get an interview setup. Because fuck it you need a job !4
Yesterday the news headline was MS bought GitHub.
Today the headline maybe:
BREAKING NEWS: Corporate users like Google are deleting their accounts and invoking GPDR to ensure all their data is deleted!5
My office WiFi is freaking fast upto 25mbps, should I download Torrents using it. Is there a possibility that corporate networks are under more surveillance ?7
Being a Mobile Developer and seeing corporate companies stuck in a mindset of Web Development. Analytics using Breadcrumb trails. oh, okay then. Makes sense.2
I like going to work on casual wear, I don't like going to work on formal wear but my boss sayings that it's part of the corporate culture and we have to follow it.
Do you guys go to work on formal or casual wear?6
Dude at work floats the idea of creating separate Github accounts for personal and work for security. My response:
While we're discussing options, we should also consider maintaining a list of users as a CSV^H^H^H MS Excel file, and install an authentication server that runs off the laptop of an "IT Administrator". That way it'll be super secure because hackers cannot access any system outside of working hours, as well as the days that said admin is off from work.2
What ryms my gears seeing those posts on LinkedIn:
1. What startups need to do to become the next billion dollars corporate
2. App ideas that will sell in millions
3. What every wannabe needs to know to become the best entrepreneur
I honestly don't recall adding other than devs and HRs 😒
SWE in fintech in MNC, job involves "bigdata' . Get paid >> avg
I FUCKING HATE IT. THIS PLACE IS A REAL DREAM-KILLER.
Size of the big-data ??? <50 GB ! Entire place runs on gimmicks and show off.
PO is a dumb cock sucker with minimal tech idea. He is busy sucking up business users and dictating us to rearrange tiles on reports all day long.
Fed up with all this shit , I decided to give GRE and apply for masters in Computer Vision .
For good GRE verbal score , I need to learn 1100 words , 90% of which I have never heard in my entire life.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ????????
Will my dream of working as a vision scientist for autonomous cars never come to life ???????
Plz motivate me to get out of this shit-hole1
I can't stand how big tech companies treat you like a child. Every fucking team bonding activity is more childlike than the other.
Its like they are about to bundle crayons and pizza next time you are on crunch.4
"We unfortunately live in a corporate world where group decision making is made to avoid failure rather than to achieve success." - Bill Cahan3
Pm orders me to integrate data from several closed systems into a new CRM, problem is... corporate security won't allow me to push data between these networks as there are extremely sensitive data on these systems. So I disobey PM or corporate if I do it and ive told both the issues. 4th round with this exact issue now.4
We heard you like security so we put antivirals in your docker containers despite the fact that we made you have antivirals on your machines running the docker containers.
And we won't allow to use root just in case you want to disable the av. And we don't care you need it for the docker 😂
This is how I was played when wanted to use docker containers to avoid dealing with OPS.
Some time passes, my team is going to have independent cloud infrastructure.
Doing corporate politics is challenging...5
My phone died today...
I was following up on a production ramp-up... Open one of our tracking dashboards through corporate VPN and while loading... It crashed...
Reboot after non-stop reboot... Cleared cache, factory reset... Stabilized for an hour or two and it's crashing again...
I give up... Rest now my friend... You did good, you did good!4
Marketing director changes our corporate presentation and asks for my opinion. I gave him my opinion and then he gets angry and starts talking sh*t. 😐3
In a corporate world...apparently having open communication and sharing opinions is only allowed between ELDERS(bade log)😑1
Would love to work in a startup again if it means i can escape corporate BS & "agile". But working in one doesn't pay me nearly enough to support me & my family12
My company's corporate culture is so gossipy, cliquey, and backstabby. And I'm so *bad* at corporate intrigue. I feel like Rand when he gets to Cairhien in the Wheel of Time books, and all the scheming house nobles are interpreting all his words on a second, third, fourth layer of subtext and he's just all "I don't care about your stupid game I'm just telling the truth" but nobody believes him.
I guess what I'm saying is you really shouldn't have to play word games to have a chance to write and deploy decent software and maybe get a raise every once in a while.2
If the corporate work life needs to be taught in school, what do you think the subject would look like?
For example, I think time management and people management should have been there.10
I have a dream, that one day I'll be able to work normally without the FUUUCKING corporate proxy blocking every shit1
I was wondering that we, as a developer, got a platform like devRant to share ideas, talk about things that we like, can understand humour that will bounce out of any non-technical people.
In the entire world, there are so many profession (like doctors, corporate people and so on...,), without a good platform like devrant they are missing on so many things.1
Taking mandatory corporate compliance training that says what things I am not allowed to do...
BUT it's actually quite interesting because I never knew you could do these and well it's starting to give me ideas....
"Hey before we launch, can you reintroduce that bug you fixed on Friday? The other team needs it for debugging."
Why the fuck would you need debugging code in production and why the fuck do we want to readd something that was causing problems? Shaping up to be a great week already.
Android force-updated itself without my permission and it appears they've removed the "open applications" menu altogether. If not, it's well and completely hidden.
Getting fucking sick of my phone and other devices being at the mercy of Mommy Microsoft, Daddy Google and Auntie Apple. Fuck them. I have zero control over my electronics anymore.
EDIT: It's there, but it only works if you're already in an app - not from the home screen. Because that makes fucking sense.3
When your boss makes everyone cram around a single computer in the conference room for a video conference while yelling into the microphone because he thinks that each person on their own machine with headphones on attending the same meeting is unproductive and equivalent to playing online games on company time.
Corporate bullshit and bloated systems...
I keep on getting sucked into meetings where I know what each word means but the sentaces don't make sense
Corporate developers... Is your job exciting? Do you enjoy the work place environment you are in? I ask because corporate work environments I've heard are very dry and boring.7
Corporate world is changing among big tech enterprises: authority and abuse schemes are changing. Happiness as a business model is already a big thing.
Whereas small-medium sized tech enterprises are still living in the past. Rich and abussive bosses, underpaid talented employees, absurd and strict rules, absurd and unnecessary requirements, etc., are still a thing.
My guess is that human-exploitation-as-a-business-model in tech industry is going to vanish almost entirely in the next decade.10
So today was a normal day at the office. My brain stopped functioning after helplessly trying to debug ES6 code for IE 11. So I put my headphones on and went to the loo. (Mind you my headphones have a heavy bass, so they are quite larger than other traditional headphones.)
As I was coming back to my desk, my project manager laughed, pointing to my headphones, and said, "What are these?"
"Headphones!", I said, silently judging him.
He said, "Can't you even put those down for two minutes? You wear them even in the loo!"
Baffled by his utmost stupid sentence, I did the most obvious thing, ignore him.
After about 10 minutes, the manager came to my desk and said, "See, when you walk around with these headphones, people get 'distracted' and are unable to work. So I'd suggest you wear them while still on your seat and remove them when you have to leave the seat. Even the clients might think of you as a weird guy. Okay?"
And I couldn't do anything. I just sat there, nodded and went back to work.8
So this is my first job at a corporate company and my God I need to apply for permission and wait for it for so long just to install common freewares for dev like VS Code. Is this normal? Really I am pissed when requirements pop up and I get stalled for over a week.12
All that mandatory bullshit, where they're trying to take the most boring thing ever (ie policies), and gamify it, throw shitload of multimedia on it, make it interactive and think anybody is going to care.
I don't want to watch your fucking videos where employees are trying to enact policy violations.
I'm not going to follow the policies and cooperate with HR as they're not to be trusted in a first place.
Where the hell is the "skip bullshit" button, which takes me to the end of the training, where I click the "I Acknowledge" button, because agreement/liability confirmation is the only thing they're after anyway.2
so there was this issue regarding our company's system which tends to be a problem for sometime now, its a recurring issue caused by the data that the users needs to encode to the system
today another issue arised, our senior supervisor, not knowing that this issue was already recurring and there is already a documented step procedure on how to address it, suggested or come up with a another solution which would task one of our co-developer to push a temporary code to production during business hours just to accommodate the issue and rollback the code after
take note that its during business hours and more than a hundreds of branches of the company are using the said system
what was he thinking !!
thankfully one of our colleagues voiced out explaining that this issue was already recurring and already has a procedural solution, but still our brainy-know-it-all-stubborn-close-minded heck of a supervisor insisted that the solution has computational impact and still insisted that they push a temporary code to the production, what an idiot!!
fast forward our colleagues ended up standing their ground, even if our supervisor is highly doubtful at them, and executed the already established solution instead of pushing a temporary code to the production which was such a bullshit idea
damn those close minded people they shouldn't have reach that position in the first place!!
It is my new aim to use the most ridiculous naming frameworks so I can talk about them in corporate meetings. Discovered chaos monkey today. What else you guys got?2
I was just thinking; Since now I am closer to graduating and I'll be joining the corporate industry. Which company is most preferable as a junior developer; What I mean is, would it be better to start working for a start-up company or go for a well known and established company?
because what I am thinking, with the start-up company there is more room for growth (position and experience), unlike the well-established company where you are given mediocre work (I think that's what they do anyway) since you are still new and coming straight out of university. I'd appreciate some advice and maybe some other people can benefit as well.1
Me: Updated the website boss.
Boss: You again forgot to put the email id in the contact section.
Me: Boss, just click on the mail icon.
Boss: Oh, you configured it.
Had a Long discussion with stake owners and PM. Ended in despair over corporate guidelines and impossible demands from the board / CEO.
PM finally said: Fuckit, let's get a beer, i'm buying.
Best day so far this week.1
There was an Internet hiccup at work.
The only sites I could access was Bing and Microsoft.
Not even the internal corporate network was accessible!
I think Big Brother knows me quite well!!! 😏
That despite my skills and education, I'm unable to survive on my own, and am nothing more than a corporate cog with a limited lifespan.2
Rant here... Consistent daily Mob or pair pair programming is for noobs, non-competent programmers that delay deadlines and cannot hold their own in corporate development environments5
Nothing makes me want to work on my own projects more than spending 40 hours a week trying to solve problems in the boring behemoth of legacy code that is my company's app. Doing everything myself seems downright peaceful in comparison.
Any suggestions to work on coding (php/sql atm) during downtime while at work? I've been learning css and js (front/back) for a year while unemployed. Just got IT call centre job in highly monitored corporate environment. Have potential side programming job but need more practice.4
My office feels like corporate version of "Russian Sleep Experiment" :|
The way we slog all day and nights without Sleep to complete the project :/1
I'm just glad that someone helped me do front end in an unrealistic deadline given to us in 2 weeks to finish a corporate-scope project .(2 of us working on)
Now that we realize that he made was another issue that leads to technical debt.
I will do all the refactoring and assure that it works perfectly fine.
just out of session organized by HR to inculcate "change" in our corporate "culture", still waiting for a salary change.
I hate project managers trying to stay relevant to a agile development methodology. Our PM doesn't care if we are working and providing value to the customer, only about checking off his Project check boxes.
tech lead CANCELS Monday stand-up becuase they cannot attend. and I work and status and update my tasks in or virtual task board. I forget to send a message mentioning I'll be kissing Tuesday standup. Then he sends me emails like the following sent to me, my manager, and my tech lead: "please remember to notify your team if you cannot attend the standup, and to send an agile status to the team. This is something that is required and not optional. We are trying to firm up all stories and tasks and need to hear a status. We are in week 1 of iteration 4.3. Thanks."
I'm coding and delivering value to the customer. Wtf are you doing dude?
Would you use react to create something like a static corporate website?
If not, with which framework/ technology would you do it?10
So the cocks* where i work have recently started a policy where sleep mode is no longer a good idea anymore. This is so that they can push gpupdates everyday, i.e bogus corporate propaganda such as changing our desktop wallpaper. Like developers give a fly f* about corporate events and wtf marketing actually do with their time. Filled with noisey ass b*.
I wouldn't be half surprised if the policy is enacted by the head of IT. C* refuses to teach any one on his team so this way he looks important and busy all of the time.10
Someone save me from this fucking stupid corporate web based trainings and let me focus on more important shit like re-factoring my code (ohh joke) and/or writing something more code then going what i just mentioned above.
Year 1.5 into my first job and three bosses and several teammates have already left the company. Not sure why. Is this how shit works in general?4
Why does Angular keep failing silently / with a stacktrace that doesn't say anything?
Oh, I remember! It's corporate crap.9
got into this stream for developing great fun things, then corporate life happened and sucked out all the creativity2
Back in the early noughties I had an interview for the new job. A couple days before the interview I've visited that company's website. There was search input. Of cause I've entered some hacky things into it. And after several attempts I hacked it. The site was down in an infinite loop.
Two days later I told interviewer about the bug and what I did to reproduce it. He was surprised and checked the website. It was still down the same way.
I was totally ashamed. I was supposed to report that problem somehow.
BTW I got the job:)
Have any of you ever hidden easter eggs in you're code?
I imagine it's frowned upon in corporate, but how about you're own projects?
I love easter eggs by the way.5
Ah the joy transitioning from the unrestricted apprentice network to the tightly restricted prod and dev network and environment. U can be sure thst the corporate proxy will give you a dropkick to ure face when trying anything that was released in the last 5 years...
If you call it Sequel and not S.Q.L and you happen to be from India, I will assume you’re a corporate shmuck. Fight me.13
Corporate culture in a nutshell: these are the team goals, work on your tasks and switch your brain off.
I got a really really fast computer from my previous employer with a valid windows 10 license (Enterprise) as a farewell gift when I left them in December 2016.
Yesterday my 3 year old daughter magically entered the Windows Activation window and entered a bogus key.
Since my previous boss doesn't work there anymore and you have to log into the corporate domain to re-enter a valid corporate key.. I was forced to buy a valid key.
Well, at least now the license is mine. But it was expensive...3
One of our corporate clients insists that we push changes and updates to production on either Saturday or Sunday. I've worked weekends for longer than I care to admit now.
A major update that completely changes both the data model and UI is scheduled for deployment this Sunday.
Monday is going to be hell with support requests.
I would just like to thank the companies who tried to make their GDPR email funny, interesting, or at least non-corporate1
I think it would be nice to see less contracts with those companies which only have in mind barebones training and profit. That kind of relationship between institutions drops the standards and it's expensive af. Those who sells cheap computers and bad software and charges more than ten time their value, those with enough power and influence to bend every single rule...
That kind of companies shapes the industry according to their needs, and will never give a shit about anything but the next semester. They teach you to be just a bit more than a user, they charge you like if they were really teaching science.
You end up full of debt, self taught on the technologies that matters, and accepting jobs on projects as outdated and mediocre as the "educational plans" you paid thousands for. And all that just to get a piece of paper signed by a stranger who doesn't care about you, and enjoyed by a corporation which wouldn't even consider to hire you because they know what they sold to the education department.
Fuck this, today I hate it all.
Not really documentation, but actually the user manual for a corporate online ebanking system for dealing with EPF/ETF. The instructions were very very vague, and when we called the bank for clarification, they said that some of the stuff in the manual was outdated/not relevant anymore. Like what the fuck man?
In the corporate world, how does promotion work?
Cause Im just a student here and I dont have a damn clue on how it works.11
As a developer, which work environment do you prefer; Corporate work or Start up/entrepreneurship stuff?10
I am reading third book
“The Cult of Fog Island” and now I am 100% sure that shitting on employees and micromanagement are forms of cult and sect.
People who do it are narcissistic dumb fucks just wanting to lick CEO or their own ass and get prize for what they didn’t do.
Well fuck them I hope they burn in hell.
I'm just wondering ,after observing all your guys' rants.Is the corporate world that bad? I'll probably be working in the next 2-3 years and I'm hoping I won't have a bad experience9
"Success finally came when we were able to convince some creative men that good appearance was a salable commodity, that it often cut costs, enhanced a product’s prestige, raised corporate profits, benefited the customer and increased employment." - Raymond Loewy1
I missed my scrum today. Missed the team meeting with VP, he asks everyone what are they working on, a good way to get in touch with peers.
Reason being, when I was sleeping the family started screaming in the morning for 2 hours they went on. I got little stressed and my eyes are still swollen.
Is it the valid reason not attending the meetings. I'm working for a promotion and 1 day in 2 weeks miss my scrum due to some reasons. What do you people think, should I stop struggling for promotion now and find another job?4
Fucking large ass corporate companies that outsource some apps with fucking internal politics. Can't decide the scope of what we're working and won't even let us decide or proceed with our dev.
I hate it when my lead asks me whats my involvement to my co-workers project when in fact, i'm just answering questions that should have been handled by my lead.
Be diligent and systematic in selecting corporate software solutions. Wrong choice and/or motives can be devastating in cost and functionality.
The feeling when the access to a system you need the most for all your projects are being deprecated. Mhmmm my tears taste salty2
Yeah... Already second week employed in corporate, but I can only dream of any software licences.....🤦♀️.....I feel like I am getting used to it...🙄🔫
When did Balmers "Developers, developers, developers.." turn into "Security, security, security.." and why the people responsible for the security have so little understanding for the people who actually work in the system..1
Has anyone been in the situation when you order something on company's expenses, got your expenses manager approved, get the reimbursement in your account. And the item you ordered got refunded because of some delivery problems?
Will any company can find out of I have pocketed the money, in this case I haven't. I just bought same item from local shop but my manager is unaware if whole thing except he approved my expenses.
Should I drop a mail to my manager regarding this? It's been 1 week already.10
Why on earth would anyone agree to work in a company that sends your code to some other team to check it then you get stupid comments like yes it works great but make the code look like the code in that system we made 10 years ago so everything can look the same. Easier for maintenance.
That is not how programming works ...
Code has an essence to it...
You cant just make me break the ...
Honestly id rather work for less money and never have my code questioned on the bases that “it should look like...”1
I have technical problems with postgresql, AlienVault, Xenservers and Fortigate. I should be reading manuals and going through forums and mailing lists but instead, I'm reading ebooks in personal development like time management, verbal communications improvement and personal finance.
What is wrong with me?1
I got a guy in my team but different location who is completely useless. He doesn't do anything useful, yet always have something to say.
Manager(M) asking him for progress on some task via email:
M: Any progress on this?
Useless guy: oh yes we have to tasks to solve *long description of the tasks*
M: Yup I was asking if there was any progress since we agreed this yesterday
And now there is radio silence since Friday :)
Tunnelbear VPN website (https://www.tunnelbear.com/) is one of the most entertaining websites I've seen recently.
I think I visited every link because I want to check if there is something funny.
I sometimes feel like we are the godhead and then sometimes feel like we are at the bottom of the 21st century corporate ladder food chain.
"Success finally came when we were able to convince some creative men that good appearance was a salable commodity, that it often cut costs, enhanced a product’s prestige, raised corporate profits, benefited the customer and increased employment." - Raymond Loewy
I am so close to done on my first solo app I've worked on for 6 months that could beat down similar corporate apps. Friends and family are proud, but don't really know what I mean. Just happy.
My 'corporate startup' doesn't want to upgrade their old bloated platform to a more agile framework.
And then ask, why we miss so many deadlines :/1
fuck you onelogin, saml and corporate login for being difficult to setup and understand (still haven't achieved either)
also fuck you outdated documentation
when you drag in a senior to help you and they think you're a retard (true), "just read the docs" (attempted), you have them try to babysit you through the setup and they realize the docs are not up to date/retard proof enough to get a proper setup on your end1
Fuck these IT corporate proxies
Nothing just *works* and you have to fiddle with shit all the time and waste hours and days
The worst thing is the team I work on and their code isn't on the corporate server so if I'm on their damn proxy I can't access my work, if I'm not I can't access company stuff that I need
New to the development field. Is it standard to give managers a lump of money to distribute as raises to their employees? Essentially, the only way I get a good raise is if all my peers suck AND are over the minimum pay for their position. WTF pay raise doesn't depend on individual performance?3
I don't understand why corporate waste so much money on agile training they know that doesn't gonna improve performance of developer at all. Instead of it decreases his performance because of so many annoying meeting and reporting3
Anyone here has quitted their high paying corporate job and made money with their IT skills. If yes, I am eager to know how?
Nothing interesting to work on. Weird problems from others trying to force a bad solution to a problem. I just want to go home and finish Westworld!1
Okay, so i always was like an anti corporate rebel, i moved to bigger city and ended in marketing agency working remotely and explaining to this guys that i can't create rest api on their server because they are allowing only get and post method and client wants delete put etc etc, normal thing. Is it normal or it's something wrong with me ? Maybe it's time to switch to C++ and go to some corporate company ?
That time when you first learn command line to remove a directory and end up deleting the entire corporate intranet.
Thankfully there were backups.
Only learned afterwards they had just started doing back ups the day before.
Using boot2docker behind a corporate proxy that fucks with your SSL certs will drive anyone insane!! 👹
Day 1203 in corporate hell.
My lead want to use BEM even though Angular provide (S)CSS encapsulation already.