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Search - "corporate"
Browsing to a porn site while still being in the corporate VPN.
Got a proxy page which said this type of content isn't allowed at work. Nearly had a heart attack ;D14
The Manager cracks a joke. Everyone in the team laughs except one guy..
Manager asks him- Didn't you understand my Joke????
The guy replies - I resigned yesterday
FINALLY, RESIGNED! Am leaving such a fucked UP "big" corporate company and starting my own business! Wish me luck!😔😔27
The university system is fucked.
I've been working in this industry for a few years now, but have been self taught for much longer. I'm only just starting college and I'm already angry.
What does a college degree really mean anymore? From some of the posts I've seen on devRant, it certainly doesn't ensure professional conduct, work ethic, or quality (shout out to the brave souls who deal with the lack of these daily). Companies should hire based on talent, not on a degree. Universities should focus more on real world applications or at least offer such programs for students interested in entering the workforce rather than research positions. A sizable chunk of universities' income (in the U.S. at least) comes from research and corporate sponsorships, and educating students is secondary to that. Nowadays education is treated as a business instead of a tool to create value in the world. That's what I signed up for, anyway - gaining the knowledge to create value in the world. And yet I along with many others feel so restricted, so bogged down with requirements, fees, shitty professors, and shitty university resources. There is so much knowledge out there that can be put to instant practical use - I am constantly shocked at the things left out of my college curriculum (lack of automated tests, version control, inadequate or inaccurate coverage of design patterns and philosophies) - things that are ABSOLUTELY essential to be successful in this career path.
It's wonderful that we eventually find the resources we need, or the motivation to develop essential skills, but it's sad that so many students in university lack proper direction through no fault of their own.
Fuck you, universities, for being so inflexible and consistently failing to serve your basic purpose - one of if not the most important purpose on this earth.
Fuck you, corporations, for hiring and paying based on degree. Fuck you, management, for being so ignorant about the industry you work in.
Fuck you, clients, who treat intelligent people like dirt, make unreasonable demands, pull some really shady shit, and perpetuate a damaging stereotype.
And fuck you to the developer who wrote my company's antipattern-filled, stringy-as-all hell codebase without comments. Just. Fuck you.17
List of things that my fucking corporate proxy blocks
* The NPM registry
List of things that aren't blocked
* Google drive
Half my mobile data is burned away by NPM sinkholes. Fuck this place.20
Corporate IT: Here at Company A we are very proactive about CyberSecurity!
Dev: What is our cybersecurity plan?
Corporate IT: If any breaches happen we will terminate those involved and discontinue use of the offending product
Dev: That sounds reactive to me
Corporate IT: 😡 It’s proactive actually as we put together that plan of action BEFORE anything happened!
The collegue who I hang out with has resigned.. we together were known as the only Innovators of the project... Now suddenly My manager's behaviour towards has changed... He has started to treat me with real care as if Inam his son... 😂😂😂 The bastard is thinking I might resign as well 😏😏😏😏8
“My Boss arrived at work in a brand new Ferrari.
I told him: “Wow that’s a nice car”.
“If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for ''Excellence'', I'll get another one next year”.”
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini. • r/Jokes3
Corporate IT: YOU MUST COME INTO THE OFFICE. WE JUST RECEIVED AN URGENT NOTIFICATION FROM APPLE OF A SECURITY VULNERABILITY IN iOS DEVICES. YOU HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED AS HAVING A MAC ASSET. COME INTO THE OFFICE IMMEDIATELY AND UPDATE IT.
Dev: I don’t use that mac, it sits in my office desk drawer unplugged. I’ll update it if I ever need it for anything. Which I won’t, we don’t do iOS dev anymore.
Corporate IT: NOOOOO!!! YOU MUST UPDATE IT NOW!!!
Dev: I’m not wasting time driving into the office this week. We have an important deadline we’re working on, I can’t afford to lose 2 hours to this. Plus it can’t be turned on right now, It’s been unplugged for 2 years.
Corporate IT: THAT WOULDN’T STOP A HACKER!!
A person that uses the “Reply All” button to tell everyone not to use the “Reply All” button when a corporate email is accidentally sent to all email users.6
Corporate proxies that block resources web developers can't work without are the worst, preventing npm and composer from working at all. Easier to work from home than at work.1
Wow... this is the perfect week for this topic.
Thursday, is the most fucked off I’ve ever been at work.
I’ll preface this story by saying that I won’t name names in the public domain to avoid anyone having something to use against me in court. But, I’m all for the freedom of information so please DM if you want to know who I’m talking about.
Yesterday I handed in my resignation, to the company that looked after me for my first 5 years out of university.
Thursday was my breaking point but to understand why I resigned you need a little back story.
I’m a developer for a corporate in a team of 10 or so.
The company that I work for is systemically incompetent and have shown me this without fail over the last 6 months.
For the last year we’ve had a brilliant contracted, AWS Certified developer who writes clean as hell hybrid mobile apps in Ion3, node, couch and a tonne of other up to the minute technologies. Shout out to Morpheus you legend, I know you’re here.
At its core my job as a developer is to develop and get a product into the end users hands.
Morpheus was taking some shit, and coming back to his desk angry as fuck over the last few months... as one of the more experienced devs and someone who gives a fuck I asked him what was up.
He told me, company want their mobile app that he’s developed on internal infrastructure... and that that wasn’t going to work.
Que a week of me validating his opinion, looking through his work and bringing myself up to speed.
I came to the conclusion that he’d done exactly what he was asked to, brilliant Work, clean code, great consideration to performance and UX in his design. He did really well. Crucially, the infrastructure proposed was self-contradicting, it wouldn’t work and if they tried to fudge it in it would barely fucking run.
So I told everyone I had the same opinion as him.
4 months of fucking arguing with internal PMs, managers and the project team go by... me and morpheus are told we’re not on the project.
The breaking point for me came last Wednesday, given no knowledge of the tech, some project fannies said Morpheus should be removed and his contract terminated.
I was up in fucking arms. He’d done everything really well, to see a fellow developer take shit for doing his job better than anyone else in [company] could was soul destroying.
That was the straw on the camels back. We don’t come to work to take shit for doing a good job. We don’t allow our superiors to give people shit in our team when they’re doing nothing but a good job. And you know what: the opinion of the person that knows what they’re talking about is worth 10 times that of the fools who don’t.
My manager told me to hold off, the person supposed to be supporting us told me to stand down. I told him I was going to get the app to the business lead because he fucking loves it and can tell us if there’s anything to change whilst architecture sorts out their outdated fucking ideas.
Stand down James. Do nothing. Don’t do your job. Don’t back Morpheus with his skills and abilities well beyond any of ours. Do nothing.
That was the deciding point for me, I said if Morpheus goes... I go... but then they continued their nonsense, so I’m going anyway.
I made the decision Thursday, and Friday had recruiters chomping at the bit to put the proper “senior” back in my title, and pay me what I’m worth.
The other issues that caused me to see this company in it’s true form:
- I raised a key security issue, documented it, and passed it over to the security team.
- they understood, and told the business users “we cannot use ArcGIS’ mobile apps, they don’t even pretend to be secure”
- the business users are still using the apps going into the GDPR because they don’t understand the ramifications of the decisions they’re making.
I noticed recently that [company] is completely unable to finish a project to time or budget... and that it’s always the developers put to blame.
I also noticed that middle management is in a constant state of flux with reorganisations because in truth the upper managers know they need to sack them.
For me though, it was that developers in [company], the people that know what they’re talking about; are never listened to.
Fuck being resigned to doing a shit job.
Fuck this company. On to one that can do it right.
Morpheus you beautiful bastard I know you’ll be off soon too but I also feel I’ve made a friend for life. “Private cloud” my arse.
Since making the decision Thursday I feel a lot more free, I have open job offers at places that do this well. I have a position of power in the company to demand what I need and get it. And I have the CEO and CTO’s ears perking up because their department is absolutely shocking.
Freedom is a wonderful feeling.13
I kid you not, this was in some of our official corporate training.
Unfortunately, this often is how our business area "functions"6
Minimum wage employers and restaurants asking "and why should we hire you?".
You have 40 vacancies in your area for just your company alone.
You're paying $13.25 an hour when only a year ago you were paying $9.75.
Why should we hire you?
F*ck you, pay me, that's why.
You're not f*cking NASA
You're a God damn chain restaurant with a 40% turnover rate, who's employees probably shoot up in the bathroom on the rare occasion they even get a break.
I looked at the guy with all the annoyance I could muster, stared him down for a good five seconds and said. "You pay a few dollars over minimum. You're job is not important enough to even ask that question. Have a nice day." And got up and left.
Dude followed me and stuttered " hold up. I was just..."
But I was already out the door.
You were just what mark? Asking a dumbfuck question as if you had any leverage at all?
Your competitor *across the street* is offering 50 cents *more* per hour, and has guaranteed breaks.
What, did you forget 2008 and how you treated millions of people as disposable? The little part where you and most american industries demanded passion, without pay raises? Promotions without benefits? The jobs that if you worked hard, rather than a promotion or a pay raise, your reward was more work and less hours to finish?
You assholes thought we forgot about that? How you shipped millions of jobs overseas, blamed it on "automation" (chinese and indian slave labor), and then pointed the finger at millions of impoverished people as "lazy" in places like Detroit and Pittsburgh and told them "you just got to work harder and smarter!" Or "just get a small loan and create the next google!" from the comfort of your yachts? I'm looking at you bane corp.
No, now the shoes on the other foot motherf*ckers. Hows it feel needing all *us* commoners? "Why should we hire you?"
No, why should *I* WORK FOR YOU?
Cuz I saw THREE dirty tables coming in. A line of people that could be being served. A line that could have been optimized with the proper table count and some simple changes. A menu that doesnt even incentivize your biggest sellers and a dozen other things your store is doing wrong.
Think mark, think!
This is one of those braindead questions employers paying sub $18 an hour ask, because they suffered so much brain drain from years of payola profits from too-big-to-fail wallstreet bailouts, that they forgot they are not king midas, unless they are the king midas of shit, because increasingly everything corporate America touches turns into shit.
And while were on the subject, stopping bringing in outside management to stores. It destroys team cohesion, staff morale, pisses off people *on site* who *actually know* the team, the stores daily activities and processes, and who are better fit for that role. You bring in disinterested outside management, and it's one of the biggest red flags I've ever seen: these smarmy selfcongratulating f*cks who know nothing about the particular store, have no connection to the staff, go on firing sprees or alienation-sprees to hire in friends, fuck up the schedules because again they know nothing about the employees, and then move on after a few years to greener pastures, leaving a barren radioactive wasteland of chain smokers and burnt out staff in their wake.
Dear corporate America, your free ride on the public's good will is over. It's over.
Now you're in the bitch seat. Come sit at my desk and explain to me, EXPLAIN TO ME, why I should sweat and labor to save your shitty company hemorrhaging money like a bleeding crack-addicted hobo dying with a sucking chest wound from a chicago skidrow friday-night drive-by?
You dont deserve it. Your management and company culture is worse than incompetent. It's full of smiley guys expounding about their passion for customer service while giving each other sloppy BJs in broom closets, a veritable cornucopia of cult-like corporate dick suckers *and* dickheads, proclaiming, no...PROFESSING (hence "professional") their undying allegiance and dedication to their corporate family with the intensity of cujo, foaming at the mouth, or Mitt Romney preparing for a photoshoot, plastic smiles and feigned laughs.
Dont forget to wipe your chin, asshole. It's not Ronald McDonald your blowing, but it's definitely not Gordon f*cking Ramsey either.
Would you like fries with that?88
Corporate: Phishing Emails are serious. We need you guys to take this awareness training. Please report if you get any suspicious email.
*Sends the awareness training in a format that screams Phishing
Everybody: Wait... is this a test?1
Me becoming PM from Dev
My colleague who left the company: “You either die a hero or live long to see yourself become the villain 😂”6
Soooooo got fired on my day off!! 😁😁😁 Y am I sooo happy??? Bc the company's president sucks, and glad to be gone!!
So, I come in on my day off trying to help him with a promo for an app I was working on, and ass face come in with a chip already on his shoulders.
Him: So what are u going to show me?
Me: A walk through of the app.
Him: No, what specifically are u going to show me?(already getting upset)
Me: The whole app. Like from the login screen and everything else.
Him: No! I need to knw specifically what your going to show me! Like this button, that menu, this function!!!(boiling point)
Me: That's what I said, "the whole app"
Him: Do u want to be suspended a whole week??!!!
Me: (smiling) Yes!!
Him: You knw what, ur gonna tell me what the fuck ur gonna show me or--
Me: Gets up, grab my phone and head towards the door.
Him: If u leave, ur done!!
Me: Dnt care. (Continue out the door)
Him: (yelling) That's it, ur done!
Me: Happy 😁😁😁13
My start at one of the Big Four (accounting firms).
The first two days of each month they organise "onboarding days" for the new starters of that month. (I so hate upper management buzzwords!) They sent me a formal invitation that looked like I was being invited to a ball with the royals, and they included the following super-smarty-pants line: "Dress code: would you wear jeans and t-shirt when you meet a client?"
And I thought: "I'm an effing hardware and software engineer for internal services. I will never meet a client." But I dressed formally nonetheless, and I went to the onboarding, and I hated every second I spent in those effing high heels, and don't get me started on how I managed to get a run on my stockings in the first hour.
The first day of the onboarding we sat through eight hours of general talks from senior employees who wanted to explain the "culture" and "values" of our company, but the worst of all was the three-hour introduction to IT services where they "helped us set up our new laptops" and taught us how to send e-mails and how to use the Company Portal.
On the second day, they divided us into groups depending on our speciality (assurance, taxes, legal, etc) and exposed us to further 8 hours of boredom related to our speciality. However, since the "digital services" thing was still new to them, we didn't have a category of our own, and we had to attend the introduction to one of the other categories, and I didn't understand one word of what was being said.
On the third day I finally went to my office and they provided me with a second laptop. It turns out that we engineers got different laptops and were allowed to manage it ourselves instead of letting central IT manage it for us. So I simply returned the laptop they had given me the first day and started working. However, for some reason, the laptop I returned was not registered, and two weeks later they started pestering me with emails asking where was the laptop "I had stolen". It took me 3 weeks of emails and calls to make them understand that I had returned the laptop immediately.
Also, on the two onboarding days we had to sign attendance, and since I forgot to sign the paper list on the second day, they invited me to the event the next month again. I explained to them that I had already attended the onboarding and didn't go, so they invited me again on the third month, and they threatened me with "disciplinary action" if I didn't go. After a week of lost time writing emails and calling people, I ended up going to the onboarding again just to sign the effing list.
In the end, I resigned during the probation time. That company was the worst experience of my life. It was an example of corporate culture so absurdly exaggerated that it sometimes reminded me of Kafka's Trial. I think they have more "HR representatives" than people who do actual work.6
FUCK CORPORATE EMAIL SPAM
AND I DON'T MEAN SOME SOME EXTERNAL SCAM/AD/PISHING EMAILS
I MEAN THE SHIT MY OWN COMPANY SENDS TO ME
"tHE WelLbeIng Course : SiGN In now!!!!!"
"#MoRnIngcOfFEE witH SOME cORporatE TWAt"
"Give togetHER : LETs circLE JerK OurSeLveS in SOMe fuCKiNg oNLiNe mEetInG !!!!!!!"
I DON'T FUCKING CARE !
I GET DOZENS (IF NOT FUCKING HUNDREDS) OF SUCH SHIT EMAILS EVERY DAY.
IF I GO ON VACATION, I HAVE TO SPEND HOURS TO SORT SHIT OUT
I HAVE HAD TO SET UP ELABORATE OUTLOOK RULES TO GET IT SORTED AUTOMATICALLY INTO SOME MANAGEABLE FOLDERS (AND SPEND SOME OF MY LIMITED TIME, HERE ON EARTH, TO DO SO)
AND GUESS WHAT
THANKS TO THOSE STUPID RULES I MISSED, ONE FUCKING IMPORTANT EMAIL
CAN YOU JUST STOP FUCKING SPAMMING ME ?!!!
FOR CHRIST SAKE AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS STUPID CORPORATE BULLSHIT
STOP SENDING IT TO ME9
This is for all the junior devs and people moving into the corporate world.
Remember, HR is there to protect the company, NEVER the employee.
Do not fall for the okie-doke when they tell you they are there to help.
If destroying you is cheaper in the long run than damage to the company then be sure they will slit you from ear-to-ear.7
Because blockchain is a merkle tree-like data structure that isn’t synonymous with a cryptocoin. I feel like blockchain fell into that buzz word pit, with machine learning, that execs use to try sound innovative and smart in front of superiors.6
So I thought I will set up a PIN to make logging into the corporate PC easier. Hm... based on these requirements I can probably stick with password.12
Today I decided to quit my job. Yesterday I had my yearly review couldn't be more perfect, I did everything they asked me for and more (help with recruitment, animate conferences, work very late a lot of time, work during my vacation days...) yet to be surprised that I will only have 3% raise (on a low salary). I feel not valued and I was very disappointed :(8
Big News from corporate today, we are no longer making bots to replace people. We are now "virtualizing" the workforce.
I swear I'm living in a dilbert strip...2
Are you reading your own email?! Do you even comprehend what you just wrote?!
At least it's Friday. Happy Friday everyone!1
I hate the fucking fakeness at my corporate workplace. Everybody's kissing everybody's ass. What' worse is that individually, they're nice people but the environment changed them and they don't even notice it.
Also they fucking congratulate themselves for their fucking great work but all they did is basically a big crud app. We're all just a bunch of code monkeys. I'm so getting out of there.13
What the PMs always say: Always be thinking of ways to improve our system.
Me: Hey this is really poorly built. We should rebuild it before moving forward.
PMs: No just use the same code we used before. It was working so we don't need to rebuild it.4
Sometimes I wish people were Linux processes so that I could kill them for being so fucking useless.
Ruined my weekend for no reason. Get a fucking life.10
My bosses have estimated 5 (five!) days to start & finish a corporate website (no wordpress) for one of our clients.
However, we don't even have images and texts :)
This will be funny6
Not specifically dev related other than being hired as a dev, more a corporate thing.
I have medical issues that mean I can be a bit variable in my starting time. Company was aware and floated flexible hours as a possible solution, but never said it *was* a solution, and just left it there really breezy.
Nailed this down with my line manager a couple weeks later after HR lost their shit, apologised and thought nothing of it.
Few days later I read a blog post about IP clauses in contracts that reminded me I intended to ask, as mine didn’t have one.
Asked HR, no response for like an hour, then “we’ll get back to you on that”
Following week, pulled into a sudden meeting. “Sorry for short notice of meeting, but we’re terminating your employment effective immediately for ‘lack of commitment’”.
The day before, the company literally had a company day where they banged on about their values and how they wanted to support their employees and foster an environment for good health and good mental health.
No disciplinary proceedings. My line manager found out 5 minutes before I did.
I emailed a few colleagues afterwards and apologised, and they were stunned it had gone down the way it did.
I was so blindsided and angry in the meeting, especially after I believed I’d found a company that was actually different and cared.
And I did my work, I stayed late quite often, even produced a couple internal devops tools in my time there.
The kicker is that it was within the probation period, so I have literally no recourse for any action against them.
What’s the most bullshit corporate clusterfuck you’ve been through devRant?2
LinkedIn feels like:
- be bombarded with recruiters messaging you
- people you don't know bragging about joining a company
- more people you don't know sharing useless advice for tons of corporate crap
Is just me or anyone feels the same?13
Woke up this morning with a fuck this shit mood. I need to write test specs for a system I don't know shit about, and it seems no one who work with this system wants to talk to me, so I gave up and started devranting and reading a game dev book. Fuck this shitty job.2
*looks for jobs in system administration*
For our client in $location we're looking for a Network and System Administrator ... to manage our local IT infrastructure (so far so good) ... that's Microsoft-based.
Fuck that company.
Requirements: deployment and maintenance of servers, backups and storage, updates, yada yada.. fine with me.
yOU wiLl mAiNtAiN WanBLowS sUrVaR sYsTeMs
Fuck that company too.
Does anyone here in Belgium even work with fucking Linux servers?! Or should I really relocate to the Netherlands to get something decent?!!28
Finally, after almost a month waiting, got my offer letter..
Gonna start a new journey..
Here I come,
Into the Corporate World..4
I hate corporate America devs that say “connect with you later today” like the fuck u think I am? A USB port?20
Who said corporate life had to be dull.
Sometimes you just need to step outside and enjoy the view.9
Fuck strict corporate software policies, just let me WORK (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
When I came to this new workplace I was given a Windows laptop. And it came with a bunch of pre-installed corporate stuff and policies like automatic mandatory frequent driver and windows updates. Although I prefer linux, I thought, maybe I'll switch later, first let's see how everything works here, since on Windows I had all VPNs, certificates and other corpo stuff pre-configured out of the box. But imagine missing a standup, because of windows update in the morning. Or missing audio, because of drivers update in the middle of the meeting. And make it every week or so. Also, I couldn't not install my portable DAC drivers, because limited access, blah blah fuck me. And many other small things that I vaguely remember by now.
Later corpo decided to add a tracking plugin into a browser and that was it for me. Gladly, corpo policy allows using Linux (they have their own modified Ubuntu version), which has MUCH less of this crap. I mean, it's still somewhat managed by corpo (like I can't get rid of duplicated PPA, lol.. and sometimes I need to wait like 1-2 mins to login to my laptop because of login server timeout), but that's still better...
Linux, home, sweet home, I missed you <3
Also, I dodged the bullet. Win11 upgrade was a funny shit show to watch :D1
The management brought some devs from another outsourcing company into our project to overcome the fact that we, the existing developers, are retarded. We are retarded because they change the scope continously (aka daily) and we can’t keep track with their requests. They want something and after we implement it, they want it changed. Completely.
Instead of getting the project and deep dive into it using the materials (setup, architecture etc.) I prepared along the way, their PM said that we have to make some low level knowledge transfer. This knowledge transfer session happened on Friday.
The presenters were me and one of my colleagues. After 2 hours of training, we found out that the supposed senior devs don’t know how to use GIT, they don’t have a clue about Spring nor Angular (nor any SPA framework), their only questions were ‘why didn’t you use X?’ (where X = bootstrap, jQuery etc.) etc.
What is even funnier: during the presentation we were asked to keep a screen sharing opened during working hours for a couple of days just so the new devs could see how we are working.
Guess what happened with the scope on Friday evening: it changed again because ‘you got new devs so there will be multiple resources to handle tasks’.
2 more weeks and i’m out of there...7
You know that the mobile ecosystem is completely fucked when you have to open up your device just to do a hard power cycle.. and what for? What's the fucking difference between a connector inside of the device, and one that's outside the device? A couple of cubic millimeters? If it's even that much?17
Fucking IT and their self signed corporate proxy SSL bullshit getting in the way of anything that needs to verify SSL requests,
Fuck you for making my day a slow and miserable day and having to resort to forcing rest apis and SDKs to work over HTTP instead, all in the name of “Security”.2
A month or so ago this manufacturer of soldering equipment contacted me with the request to make a video about a review unit (a soldering handle) that they'd send to me for free in exchange. Initially I was really pumped about it - company would send me free stuff!! - but fast-forward to today and I realized how terrible a choice I've made by accepting that offer.
See, that handle is worth only €40 and I've spent so much time on the bloody video material already that it'd make my "pay" expected to be close to €1/h if not less. I feel like I've been exploited, especially since I don't even like the handle's design and am not using it. It's just collecting dust, making my work essentially free labor.
I could return the item but that's gonna cost me a fuckload of money, I could pay for the handle and cut my losses that way.. or I could do the review anyway and end up feeling very bad about that company. Or I could tell them to fuck off and lose a supply chain for my soldering equipment.
I have no idea what to do about this..
Oh and the fact that the correspondent in that company has the worst Chinglish skills imaginable, the communication skills of a toddler and is also super indecisive (they asked me to make a YouTube video first which led me to assume a video format for YouTube, but instead they want to put it on their fucking AliExpress product page, rendering my existing video footage useless!) doesn't help either.. I hate that shit company. Fucking leeches!
Anyway, what would you do when you're in a position like that?6
I didn't hate my work but I need to grow. I was 4 years experienced and I was working on entry level positions. That's because for getting promoted I need to work like I'm on the next level for a year consistently, I don't know if I was working on next level but I felt confident that I can, so I switched companies finally. I don't know if work will be a lot what will I do but I have enough hard skills, my soft skills might not be that good but I'm finally doing something to achieve growth in that area. I'll be scared, anxious, helpless and all but let it be. I'll sprint, rest and repeat.8
Today one person called me to ask if he could create a corporate email without buying the domain.
*More people that wanna be rich without spending a penny *4
To those wondering what it's like to onboard to CORP projects:
> create an access request for role APP1_ADMIN_RW
> wait for 2 weeks
> chase for approvals
> chase for implementation
> be ignored for another 1 week
> 3 weeks later receive an email: "your request has been implemented. Now you have access to role APP1_USER_RO"3
2nd day in new job. Random HR training blabbing about something (thanks God all remote so I just did things around house). Blabbing about diversity and other corporate brainwashing. Then she proceeds to say that if someone is introvert and doesn't like to interact with people then such person should look for work in some other company (wtf x1). Next in line her real life story how she yelled at her subordinates (wtf x2 who admits to mobbing xd ) but that's ok because she is choleric and people have to understand that different character types make their team better xD
I have a bad feelings about where this is going...7
To those wondering what's it like to work in corporates and "HOW slow is it, really...?".
My corp project contract ended 1.5 months ago.
Today I got an email saying my access request has been finally approved and implemented.6
I started recently working for a big company, and when I say big, I mean really BIG.
Well, my colleagues are from different parts of the world, of course some names are harder to pronounce, so, let's say your name is 'Yagarishmakeshin', well, sometimes is easier(and I used to think friendly) to call you by a shorter name, for this example let's say 'Yag', you know, like Apu form the Simpsons, which is normal I think, people use to call me always by shorter names too and is fine.
Well, yesterday I received a complain from HR saying some people complain about this, it turns out this is offensive or degradating; I was also warned about not calling a girl 'girl', example:
- random girl at my team - So, I created this routine which is very effective and provides good performance
- me - Awesome girl, very cool
Well, Someone complain I call them 'girl' and is not fine.
I cannot tell you how frustrated I feel about this, is like, if you feel uncomfortable with a short name, just say it to me, something like 'Hey I prefer you call me by my full name' or something like that, but nah, you prefer to raise a complain like if I were a fucking predator or something; Also, I cannot retaliate or mention the topic, I need to change and pretend nothing happened.
Fuck you big corporations, and fuck you skinny stupid bitch16
Years of mandatory corporate IT security training has taught me not to open this car, its probably a virus.3
imagine your ego being more important than doing something the right way
welcome to corporate hell
this is one of the top reasons (but of course definitely not the ONLY reason) i'll never join the rat race
would rather be a homeless 🤡 (slowly succeeding in this one)5
Seeing this in my outlook fills me with dread - little can be worse than "corporate enforced fun sessions" 😩😭6
When you're training a new guy who thinks hes better than you and completely overwrites all the code you've been working on because he thinks UX designed it wrong and it should look "correct". Thats not how corporate business works buddy...2
Work enforced a screensaver policy - a corporate screensaver that even us local admin devs can't change.
I swiftly made a .reg script and distributed it.
We all laugh whenever someone's "Ribbons" screensaver starts up.
I love using my powers for evil.1
Corporate fucking bullshit. Go fuck yourself with your kpi, measurement tools etc. All i wanted to do was make the world a better place with some code.3
Idk why but every time I hear the business side ppl use corporate buzzwords I wanna punch them in the face…4
The ups and downs of a corporate database developer job:
Ups: Great pay and benefits, advancement opportunities, job security.
Downs: Windows 7, Office 2012, Oracle DB 11 release 1 (2008)... not exactly a cutting edge environment.2
In an age of GitHub and cloud computing, how can a freelance dev using their own laptop be classed as a security risk?
These crude rules laid down by corporate IT depts just make companies look silly.1
Corporate Culture™: when those seniors who spend half of their time gossiping with each other pretend to be too busy to answer a junior's question.2
Fuuuuck this corporate bullshit. I'm basically sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for some jackass to grant me access to the server that my boss moved my code over to. Why the hell did you put my app on a production server that runs every 30 minutes...THAT I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO?? Now there's a critical bug and a $50K order in limbo because I can't push any fixes. Fuck me. The worst part will be in the next hour or so when dozens of people are calling, emailing, and attacking my cubicle like rabid animals about why orders aren't moving and I'll have to explain that production is a train wreck because reasons. Just end me.2
We are developing a single page APPLICATION which will be embeded into another single page APPLICATION using iframes (!?!?!?!). The embedded SINGLE PAGE application has POPUPS (browser instances, not UI popups) opened. Every app contains at least 75% of the other apps and they do not share common code. Everything in IE11 and ng4.10
So a little story about finding your way. I worked at an IoT software firm, very well established. I had a hard time with the on boarding process due to some factors, and I must have lagged behind their mental schedule for my growth. It was clear nonetheless that I was a quality coder and had made some friends there.
It wasn’t enough for the ensuing corporate bullying. It went by and I took it. I became the yes man just so I don’t frustrate anyone enough to turn away my ask for help. This made things worse and before long, I a grown man went to visit my mum and all but cry at how small I felt, after all my hard work getting to the company.
I felt sick with failure but I knew I couldn’t go back. I emailed my resignation and dropped off my company laptop.
4 months later I am working at a medical startup with my own projects, that I have 100% control over. And the quality of my work and ethic is pleasing upper management in all the right ways. I’ve never been happier, and there are barely any perks on paper. No free lunches on Thursdays or discounts at the local high street. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life because I said NO to feeling or being treated any less than I worked and progressed to be.
Don’t let other people stop your potential for their own ego, or any other reason. 😊
Managers when a project is going off the rails:
Managers when something is successfully on track:
THIS NEEDS A ROADMAP, WHERE IS THE CORPORATE GOVERNANCE, WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS, I DIDN’T APPROVE THIS ACTIVITY.2
Every time I hear the word "trailblazing" I throw up a little. Even beats "synergy" as a useless, demonic corporate buzzword.10
There comes that dreaded time in the life of a developer working in a conservative, borderline medieval corporate, where darkness sweeps over the land and the evil lords rummage through every peasant's hovel searching for the forbidden - AKA software audit.
So I made a list of all the unauthorized open source code we desperately rely on, and we decided as a team to go down in flames and gloriously fail the audit, a legend of sacrifice that shall be passed on in hushed voices.3
How to make boat loads of money: wirte some janky corporate SaaS platform with the worst UI possible.7
The spokesman of an international corporate published a LinkedIn post about why people should work for this company.
Clause 1 was: "Here you get almost 3 monthly salaries as bonus. My wife loves it!"
Right, because he doesn't enjoy the money at all - the PR guy who sold his Ferrari, really. Just his greedy wife, spending his hard-earned money.
This sexist, 50's vibe approach to women is expressed publicly and formally by a spokesman of a corporate that claims to adopt values such as equality, diversity, etc. *facepalm*52
Got feedback after job interview #33:
Yeah we don’t think you have enough corporate experience...
YOU COULD HAVE READ THAT IN MY RESUME BITCH! STILL YOU SPEND MY FUCKING TIME AND GAS!3
You know how in war-zones they use children as human shields? Well, that's basically what I'm used for when the corporate executives arrive on site.
Send forward the young ones, and hope they show mercy!
So far it worked.4
Corporate computer with autofill for password to secured document system. Just typed in the console Document.getElementById('password').value to print it out.
Am now l33t h@ckzor?6
Today the corporate proxy decided to flake out on me. Every single external site was blocked.
I was shown a very helpful page informing me the site I wanted to visit was blocked. If I had legit need to access the site or believe the site was blocked in error I could contact IT via a helpful link.
And yeah, the IT support site was blocked by the proxy too.1
[Post marked as: Random]
Microsoft joins the Open Source Initiative as a corporate sponsor.
What's worse than a meeting jam-packed with corporate bullshit? An entire day of the same stuff, rebranded as a conference.
F*CK...that feeling when you were working as a junior UI/UX designer for about 3 weeks in new company, you were on a project which is almost finished and delivered...
1 and half week Later (after technical issues - check my older rants)......
you have noticed one quite importat mistake in the designs, which were done by senior designers, which can lead in future to a huge Ux problems - so huge, that users will probably leave/close the app and will not purchase the product via that app... ( We can say than whole design solution was a waste of money for the client)... On that designes was working a team of 4 people, about 3 Months (and the app (prototype) had to be ready already 2 Months back)...
the deadline was pushed 2x already...
And your boss (senior designer) tell you that this is not such an issue.. But thx for your opinion.....
1 week Later by user testing 4 out of 4 people were asking about that stuff I told to my boss that is missing...
And I was ignored...
In less than 1 week Later after the testing I get fired from the company without no reason...
Or better - the reason was:
I have too little experiences for this job...
Dont know if I should laugh or cry🤦♀️🤣/😭8
Recently I've had some Airpod knockoffs in the mail for about €8 while they were in a promotion. They are pretty usable, and while I do not own the authentic Airpods, my unit seems to have all its most important functions that I'd expect of a pair of Bluetooth earbuds (given that I've been using those since 2015 already, so plenty of experience with such things). Given that, the Apple Airpods'd better give me a morning blowjob for their price!
Seriously, what is the point of such Apple earbuds. For me, the important thing is that they are wireless earbuds that can operate independently or in sync as desired. It's earbuds that can be recharged on the go using some kind of portable 3.7V lithium cell in a charging dock that can directly drive the 3.7V cells in the earbuds. That's all.
Bill of materials? 2 tiny Bluetooth controllers, 2 speaker drivers, ABS injection moulding for the charger pocket thingy and the earbuds themselves, a charge controller for the "docking station", and some tiny lithium cells for each, provisioning size-capacity for whatever will still fit. That's all.
Is that worth €150? Like hell it is. And sure some capacitive sensor in the earbud for touch-based control would be useful. But guess what, even that isn't expensive! Capacitive sensing is dirt easy (https://youtu.be/mWR9Q_pTagw), and for something like the Airpods you could probably get away with 3-4 stationary capacitive touch sensor modules. Cost of that per unit if I were to design it and outsource it to China? €15 at best. Yet Apple charges €150-something for their Airpods. What the fuck?!7
I need to integrate with service A. There is an issue.
Me: Service A, we have an issue. We don't get any errors but the final entity doesn't get created
ServiceA: Ahh, I see. Since you didn't get any errors, try escalating this to Service B - we are using it and they might see what's wrong.
Me: Service B, we have an issue and ServiceA says I should talk to you.
ServiceB: Ahh, I see. I don't see any errors in our logs. Try escalating this to Service C
Me: Service C, we have an issue and Service B says I should talk to you.
ServiceC: How do you send the request to us?
Me: I don't. Service B does.
ServiceC: I see. I don't see any requests coming from them. Talk to Service B
Me: Service B, Service C says you don't send a request. Please have a look.
Each ticket takes 2-3 days to be noticed.
My fuse tripped there and I addressed this ping-pong situation in the mail thread with mgmt in it. ServiceA hid behind the "it's not our service, we only provide self-service tools" wall. So, again, I'm left out there to dance this corporate polka...7
"I really like how corporate America ruins you as a person within two years. If you had any aspirations to do anything useful for humanity, they gone."
-Text from my best friend from graduate school3
Getting the corporate hard sell - after I gave notice at my job I've had my skip level manager and then _his_ boss offer me changes to stay. It's messing with my head!
People seem to be crawling out of the woodwork to get me to stay and it feels a lot like this is how one gets into corporate politics... but I swear almost none of these people cared about me before. Make it make sense!8
Senior management just had a covid opening up party, streamed it on YouTube in the middle of the office with not a single person wearing a mask or social distancing. Encouraging employees to come back to working in the offices.
I AM FUCKING DONE. IM DONE.
It hasn't been a week since one of our employees died and these were the same people who emailed the team asking to donate towards the bereaved family.
This isn't even a rant. It baffles me that narcissistic bullshit like this is legal. How can anyone be that fucking stupid? Just how. Explain this shit to me. Because these aren't total assholes. They're generally nice people outside of work. Why is it that anything touched by corporate greed gets corrupted to the point of inhumanity.
Corporate take on Inception: A meeting about a meeting which discussed an email about an email.
Meeting with middle level managers.
Me - data scientist, saying data science stuff, like what accuracy we have and what problems with performance we managed to solved.
Manager 1: Ok, but is this scrum?
Manager 2: No they're using kanban.
Manager 3: That's no good. We should be using DevOps, can we make it DevOps?
So yea, another great meeting I guess..4
So, I am currently seeking opportunities at other companies. I randomly got a call on Thursday around 12pm from an unknown number and I was not able to take that call as I was in a meeting. Later on, after looking up that number on Truecaller, I found out that it’s a recruiter from a US-based firm that I had applied to earlier. I immediately tried to call that person again but she was not able to talk as she was in another meeting. I tried texting the recruiter asking for her availability but she didn’t respond. I called again and this time she got annoyed at me, saying that she will call me back if needed. Now, on the weekend I again tried to message her, asking when she is free for a conversation, she is acting high and mighty, saying that she will call me when we (the company) have interviews again (hinting that I have missed the opportunity and it’s my fault). Her passive-aggressive attitude seems to be coming because I didn’t take her earlier call— I did not deliberately avoid her call, I was in another meeting. I was not given any intimation that she is going to call me— let alone on a weekday at 12pm. My current company expects a high-level of professionalism and I intend to show the same level of professionalism in any future companies that I work with. This kind of dehumanization (mainly due to a power imbalance in top-down heirarchical structure) is why big companies have hard time retaining workers these days. And this company was not Google/Apple or anything remotely in the same league. So I seemed to have dodged a bullet there.4
I really hate the childish corporate culture at some tech companies. Today I received my Christmas "gift" from my employer. It was a branded chocolate bar and a sticker pack. The stickers were designed by our UX designers, and the stickers look like they are made for little toddlers at kindergarten. The stickers said things like "Make Friends!" and "To The Moon!". Jesus Christ, are we little kids? The average age of an employee at my company is around 30 years old, and those are the stickers you give us? Stickers are childish anyways, but it seems like 50% of my autistic colleagues seem to like putting those ugly things on their laptops to lick the boots of upper management.
The office itself literally looks like a kindergarten. There's LEGO artwork on the walls and the "Make Friends!" and "To The Moon!" nonsense and similar motivational bullshit is plastered on all the walls. Seriously, who ever thought it's a good idea to tell 30 year old adults to "make friends!". I already have my friends, I don't need to be friends with anyone at work, and I definitely don't need to be told to do so!
Even funnier than that is the fact that the whole "To The Moon!" bullshit is a phrase introduced by upper management to symbolize their effort and wish to make our company bigger and stronger by having a bigger market share. Basically it's the rich peeps from upper management telling us to work harder and make them more successful. Today I had a meeting in which they told me they wouldn't increase my salary because they have a tight budget this year because of the economic problems we're currently facing. But that doesn't stop them from childishly motivating us with bullshit like "To The Moon!" so they can become richer themselves, while the little people at the bottom of the pyramid need to work harder without extra pay.
The most annoying part of this is that many employees lick the boots of upper management and go along with all this bullshit. God I hate cringy childish corporate culture so much.13
Creating a cluster with shared storage in Proxmox
Once you've learned how to configure a single Proxmox host and Linux and Windows guests, the next step is to expand...
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No TechTarget, how about you go fuck yourself? As if anyone is going to register just to read one fucking article on your goddamn shitty site. Fucking wanketeering dickheads.7
Start your career at a startup... Only join a corporate or start your own business few years after that... In startups you'll face lots of issues that'll build your technicality and give you a very valuable experience3
Nope, definitely not going to work for that customer anymore. Fuck this shit. At least for this week.
My background: mid-30 years old, some kind of business & IT consultant / lead dev working for a mid sized CRM consulting company, with approx 15 years of experience in development and software architecture, most of the time "thinking" in C#, still learning new languages, being a cloud evangelist and team lead. We usually have customers with customers (B2B/B2C).
Personality type "campaigner" (ENFP-A).
Today the project lead of my client (a big corporation in the energy industry) told me that he still didn't order all the necessary resources for the cloud project. Just to be clear: He's on the client side. We (the architects, one internal and me) told him one month ago what we need for the beginning. Just a few things - an Azure subscription, a license for the CRM platform, and our dev tools.
And now let's guess when the project is planned to begin? Yeah, right: 1st of April. NO APRIL'S FOOL. And guess what? Next Tuesday we'll do the onboarding for the new (external) devs, and NOTHING will be ready. Yeah, just let us build stuff in our minds, and on the whiteboards, because it's an AGILE project, right? We don't need any systems and tools...
And now he sent me the questionnaires which need to be answered before any cloud service can be ordered by the corporate IT. And yes, he didn't answer a single thing, and just meant "Those are architecture questions" (they are not) and (of course) "please provide the answers until Monday morning, so we can FINALLY order the services."
Yeah, you fucktard. Of course it's MY FAULT now. Maybe I should write an email to your boss asking how we can speed things up a little bit...3
How am I supposed to deal with unwanted swag? I attended a VR dev meetup (turned out to be pure corporate advertising) and someone placed unsolicited swag at my desk. After the corporate spiel I privately asked one of the coordinators where to return this because I don't want to put it to waste. He called me rude and walked away.3
A guy who had the same nationality as the enterprise we were working for was promoted from JUNIOR js developer to UX/UI coordinator for the entire department just because he was 2 year older than me (26 vs 28). Literally he was a junior dev and went to that.
One day he was accusing me of writing a piece of code which led prod to downtime. I was in the office, he was in another country with our manager and technical director next to him and we were talking over internal conference system. I shown git history + his name + his code and he was saying ‘that’s not true!!!’.
I couldn’t resist and I began to yell something like ‘You fucking fuck piece of shit cocksucker...’ for 5 minutes. Since that day i was the god on my project for UI/UX side.
Even now he is in the same place on the same position...
PS: more stories to come with this guy6
On the morning of my 4th day at the new job I woke up with that feeling in my stomach "I fucking don't want to go to work anymore".
it took 3 days. Must be my personal best.
COO Snake ousts CEO, fires founders, is generally clueless about tech and product and design and science (and basically everything this business is about) and expected me to drop everything else I do (rich, varied and fulfilling) and work full time as a slave-nerd. Some people just don’t get it.
My side project is distracting me from my corporate, gotta pay the bills somehow and meet these damn deadlines, project! 😫😫3
The company I work for just screwed me out of a bonus while negotiating my salary after I handed in my notice. I really don't understand the logic of large companies that make these decisions that save them a few hundred bucks only to tarnish their reputation and assure that people like me will never EVER come back to work for them.
Can't wait for my notice period to be up!5
So, some years ago, my old firm was bought by a much larger company.
A couple years later, my CTO resigned, as he needed a week deserved break. I acted as interim CTO for half a year, with the full support of the CEO.
But then higher management removed my CEO for a politician 🤡. His first move is to ask my ex-CEO who to consider for CTO.
He adamantly vouches for me, but in the end, I'm not "political" enough. (Sure I admit I'm not the most organized person, and do not sweeten arguments to suits, but I had won the full trust of my previous superiors *and* fellow devs, and had people to cover for organizational stuff, and have successfully navigated situations with the world's biggest tech orgs).
So I'm again a dev, and they hire this new CTO at twice my salary. But as you can probably guess, who ends up still doing all the CTO work on top of his dev work? Yeah.
That drove me to quit, not because of the demotion, but for a denied minor raise when I was doing the work of someone with twice my paycheck.
As could be expected, once I quit, the CTO barely lasted 6 months.
Fun part is, I've been freelancing (successfully) from them on, and I've been contacted by this CTO, trying to hire me to do some work in his new company...
I'm torn whether to tell him to bite me, charge him a shitton of money or any other funny ideas.
Mind you, I don't dislike the guy, and he's not particularly annoying to work with, so I guess this doubles as a rant against corporate clowns, and a bit of advice seeking.8
Corporate IT: We don’t think you need Saas product A. We have SharePoint and SharePoint can do anything! Sharepoint eliminates the need for any and all Sass products, it all just comes down to customizing it!
Calling all Devs 🤙:
What's the _best_ worst code you've seen in the wild in your corporate codebases?
Include a snippet of the traumatic lines in your comments!
I'll start with a classic:
$send = $enabled ? true : false;14
They asked to me build corporate website with Registration, Social login, API integration, Maps, Distance calculator, Weather, Currency convertor, etc. Using WordPress.
I don't know whether I am f@#*ed or doomed or something else.2
"We need to have a meeting to clarify your role"
My head: Just give me a raise and then leave me alone
My mouth: Yea, sure. When works for you
My job is a little confusing.
My title on paper is support technician and I'm on the DevOps team but I have my own project to automate health checks. So most the accurate title for me would actually be Automation Developer Attached To [department name] DevOps1
Two months of meaningless meetings and calls to assess "requirements" and three months worth of actual development work crammed into 3 weeks. Fuck this corporate bs. Agile my ass.
Then the Corporate god said to the executives "Tell your slaves, I will soon pour out my wrath upon you. By this you will know that I am the Lord: With the staff that is in the IT's hand I will strike your computers with the plague of BitLocker, and throughout the land of Corporate, the code will become dust. Every partition but the main one will perish, from the laptop of the HR to the servers of the dev."
I mean, seriously, does BitLocker ever *not* fuck up everything?2
Next week, I'll be with a new company - this week I'm scouring the corporate laptop for all the places I stashed personal SSH keys and AWS credentials.1
Me: *Making a very trivial suggestion, that every person with 1 working eye and 1 functional lobe can come up with*
Corporate managers: *Ponder. Verify competitors didn't implement it yet*. Great idea! let's patent it!4
A great corporate culture, pleasant coworkers, a caring manager, meaningful work, and a good salary. Hmmm. Thank you for reminding me that I have a pretty close to ideal Dev job. I can live with what's missing. 🤠
Corporate IT blocks all network traffic, whitelists port 80 and 443 😡
... cos port number is the best predictor of security threats, amirite? 😒2
I never used to lie. Unless it was absolutely necessary which was very rare.
But now, I can lie so easily.
It all started with those fake sick emails after entering coroorate. And now I have become a lying bastard.
I don’t like myself when I lie but the necessities have become frequent in corporate.
Fuck corporate man!
Fuck it with porcupine quills!9
I wonder if it's possible to become a project manager or a scrum master without habitually incorporating the phrases, "circle back," "reinvent the wheel," and "one-stop shop," in your daily vocabulary.2
I fucking hate corporate environment. We have a weekly meeting in our tech department where a team is chosen at random to present the project they're working on, architecture and such. You know what? We have fucking documents, for both product scope and technical architecture. If you're interested in our work, go fucking read our docs. If you have a question, slack us or send us a fucking email. Why the fuck do I have to attend a 1-hour meeting every week for this bullshit. Oh and some dude from upper management has a brilliant idea: from today they decide to host 2 such meetings per week, 1 within the tech department, and another within the whole company. So we had to attend the same fucking meeting twice in 1 week!!! Fucking genius!
I'm so fucking tired of these meaningless meetings, but attendance is recommended because "this is how you reach staff level" as they told me. Fucking bullshit. I may try a few more years for the sake of financial stability, and then find a small shop where people just leave me the fuck alone with my codes.4
Is it normal that IT support of a multinational bigass corporate drops the "we may need to change your PC because maybe your network card is defective" after explaining over and over that you have problems with HTTPS only when using the corporate network (whether onsite or via VPN) and not in external connections?3
Fucking corporate bullshit. My laptop, when plugged in, has no need for power saving settings. I leave it plugged in with the screen locked, when I'm not at the office. But if I ever change any power settings, the corporate rootkit changes them back to unreasonable settings about once an hour. So I put this on a 300 second while loop.
I would like to rant one more time about my internship.
I began in July, the first. That's my sister who helped me to find this internship and I was a little scared about how bad it could be.
I came at the office, my boss told me that I would work in an "Innovation lab", an apartment where people works on projects that are less corporate than the enterprise's ones.
To me, it was amazing. So I came in this apartment, it was like a dream. I didn't know that I would have such luck to be in this environment : kitchen, sofas, beds, many decorations for all political ideologies, ideas. There was some decorations that were about weed and many cool things for the young guy I am.
The lab's leader told me that it was a very free environment and all the awesome stuff I could use.
Then they showed me where I would work.
We were two interns employed as web developers. We had a complete room for us.
Then we began to work there, and I was presented to my internship tutor.
He gave me some instructions but told me that I had a week before the project begin.
Here began the troubles.
We waited a complete week without having any instructions. Then we began to build something in PHP with our knowledge and the informations someone from the lab gave us.
When finally we had news from the project, two weeks later, we learned that the project would be built with ASP. NET.
Here we go, I learn ASP. NET alone. I have many problems and nobody helps (even if the problem comes from enterprise's API/Framework). I finally make something usable with no help, after I discovered that my mate wasn't developer at all and just took an option for her classes which forced her to get an internship.
She had 3 month left, I had 6.
Then when the project really began, nobody came to verify what I was doing and on a meeting, they said that I was doing nothing.
The boss even became mad on us because he couldn't see what we were doing (we're back end developers).
I asked for help to the developers of the enterprise and someone came, sad to have to help an internship, and learned some tricks but nothing else.
To have a concrete explanation of what DDD was, I had to ask 4 times for help.
Finally I had something that could receive data from the connected hives we are working on and store them into a database in the architecture of the enterprise.
Then, they wanted me to try an API for them. I tried, and it wasn't working at all. So they make me still wait to change my whole architecture when the API will be released.
Recently, I was told that I would never do the front-end of the project (which was an horror because of the fantasm of the lab leader). Then they realized that my late wasn't a programmer. So they asked me to make a prototype for the front-end. I did for a presentation.
Then they didn't tell me the device they would use for the presentation and it was an iPhone 7. Idk why, safari couldn't display what IE can.
They blamed me for having done a bad work. It wasn't my job. I did it to help because they can't find a fucking front-end developer with a little more experience than me.
Actually, I am an alone developer since my mate is gone and the lab leader don't want me to show up because she considers me as a shame.
I asked to be moved back in the office of the enterprise, they agreed and said it was a 2-weeks delay. It's the Thursday of the second week and I have no news. I send mails to my tutor, even SMS, he doesn't answer me. They didn't call me to give me my pay with a week late. And the person who is responsible doesn't answer me neither. I came to see her, but she wasn't available. I'm now alone in a desk, waiting the time to pass.
Fucking this shit.
I'm in France.
EDIT : I forgot to say that I can't use the sofas or bed because I'm allergic to cats and there were 3 cats. Now there is still one and this beast vomits and poos everywhere in the house...7
I'm Front-end dev and corporate policy doesn't let me upload *.js files, so I rename them to *.txt and change everything in the DOM without their knowledge...5
1. Fix climate change and the environment in general
2. End corporate coercion and social inequality
3. Cure all mental illnesses
Is that too much to ask for?29
Fucking corporate bullshit, I was coding (mostly creating bugs and pulling my hair off) all night on my free time (I'm on night shifts I keep the schedule when I have my days off) and at the moment I was making huge progress on my project, I gotta go to sleep to go back to work 4h later to follow a fucking 2h training on team efficiency and cohesion, in other words, how to waste 2h in a useless meeting and not getting it back + interrupting the only night I was in the zone, I'm so tired of this....2
CEO: Lets shift our REST app to graphql.
Me: what? why?
CEO: I saw this amazing video on youtube about it.
Me: But the app is working fine.
Me: ...so we should stay on the current arch.
Few hours later...
Me: Implementing graphql2
I got a feedback saying that I am good at solving problems which are obvious and have obvious steps. But I have to improve a lot where problems are complex or solution is not known.
People, I have 3.5 years of experience in industry and still I am a junior. I am continuously thinking about it. I was a smart person till my school, I never had to work hard I think it is impacting me till now. I sleep so late and work only in the night, get up so late and feel bad about it :( Everyone is doing so good as compared to me.21
Corporate America wasting billions stuffing database projects into spreadsheets cause it's what they know. Quickly becomes an unmanageable mess. Low hanging fruit.3
Started a new job on Monday. STILL DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO THE FUCKING SERVERS I NEED TO ANYTHING. Holy fucking shit I'm annoyed. Fuck you corporate bullshit. I already feel like quitting.3
I hate corporate doublespeak.
A CTO was fired after 2 years at the position because he insisted on some projects that didn't stick and were not profitable for the company. The word spread throughout the corridors that he was destroyed by the CEO in a board meeting, and soon after he left. The HR sent an e-mail right away for the entire IT sector THANKING him by "the invaluable effort in bringing in important projects to the company that raised the tecnology to the next level".
Oh, come on.3
Literally anything breaks
Management: Devs should have tested it
Devs: What the fuck are testers for?11
When you have to build a startup product using enterprise project management methodologies, and corporate practices.
I was asked by one of my clients to look in to CRM systems for them, one of their sales guys was pushing for sales force. Which to me was extremely expensive (and continuous expense) for such an old system with old thinking and horrendous ui/ux and totally unsuitable for them. I put them on to a modern fresh and truly great one https://capsulecrm.com/
I think there is a lot of this happening at the corporate level somehow somewhere, when clients tell you that Wordpress is the industry standard and Powerpoint is the only way to do presentations etc. etc.. Its a kind of corporate brainwashing.1
just sent an id_rsa private key file to our corporate Linux Administrator and he asked me to send him the private key in .ppk format. ==)))9
That i will never get out of the corporate slave bullshit minimum wage matrix rat race salary as a dev because no one respects devs in serbia you get fat shitted on and used like a dumb underpaid slave
Just when I get hopeful about Github. Ugh.
Meta stack overflow has been ignored for years and the community is mostly self policed. Here come these corporate shmucks to fuck it up with bullshit marketing jargon.
I miss Joel already.26
There was internet. Pure, beautiful, attractive but then it started to fuck with more people then it should.
Now everyone fucks internet that doesn’t care anymore. It just sells his ass to whoever have more money.
Welcome to corporate world bitches.6
That moment you call a php curl script to download files handed to it from a python script because the http request in python somehow get blocked by corporate bullshit, but you also need access to MS products for this script to work, which you can't do in PHP.
# Corporate "Security" is bullshit
# Fail, Adapt, Overcome9
Today I solved issues I didn't cause and took International phone calls while on the toilet to help corporate.
Bug fixing can be a shit job, at least I was in the right place for it.1
"It's very unfortunate that someone has to sit 10 hours a day on a computer screen but that's what we are paying for."
Working with an EU client.
Task is in stages beginning from assessment of an 9 year old Salesforce instance, cleanup and then transition to lightning.
The deliverabale in the first stage is excel sheet - objects(2400+), fields, apps, packages, profiles(110k), users, perm sets, apex classes, triggers, pages, s-controls and insert each and everything that a Salesforce instance could have.
Each and every data needs to be, analyzed and documented with our recommendations before being sent over. (Finding duplicates in 110k profiles??)
Oh, did I tell you, this was to be done four weeks? Weekend goes to hell.
That's when this beautiful motivational line comes up from the bridge, "It's very unfortunate that someone has to sit 10 hours a day on a computer screen but that's what we are paying for."
Fortunately(un?), that part of project is done and over with.
Now comes the clean up, identify packages not being used, remove them, qa and then push for deployment.
Mind you, this project is to be 2 weeks long. Its Friday of the first week today. And I am still working weekends.
Can I say, FML?5
Sheer corporate asshattery.
What this means is that it could be possible for the big four browser companies to build DRM content into their browser standards that free developers cannot emulate.7
So we have this team bonding and feedback session every monday, where everyone in the team needs to say what they appreciate of their team member and what they wish the team member would change... The whole thing takes about 2 hours.
Honestly, feel like a corporate BS, what feedback do you want? Just do your job and I am happy with it... Well I guess that's part of the corporate world, instead of just doing your job, it is about how big your "influence" is in the company and how many people like you4
When the idea of a bonus is ignored again by corporate, and the idea of pay rises has been long forgotten3
If corporate always bothers that they can't find any female dev to hire, then encourage them to look into femboys!8
I'm in involved in a situation where one old corporate is helping build solution for another old corporate's Windows 98-XP systems.
Still a better love story than twilight.
Just when I had almost fallen in love with this new job which I started 8 months ago, this happens.
My “manager” had conversation with me. He was complaining that my work is of poor quality (objectively speaking, it is not). I don’t even directly work with this manager anymore. He “leads” this big project and he really wanted me to get involved in it but I struggled because it’s a big codebase and I was a new joiner. Months later, a new project was started and I worked on the backend for it. And I really liked that project more as I literally wrote it from scratch. And even the “mangers” for that project was a bit chilled out.
Now, the first “manager” kept trying to involve me in the first project but new requirements kept popping up in the second project and I was happy to work there. Somewhere down the this, this irked the first “manager”. Also, the company is known to be very cheap with salaries (a good work culture though) and they are paying me more than others since I switched from another company to work there. So they are probably expecting more output for the salary they are paying me. That seems to be the main problem here.
Obviously this first “manager” has never worked a development job before, let alone reviewing my code or something. So I was confused after this conversation. He’s asking me if I noticed these issues in my work and how I can do better and I bluntly replied no, I don’t see any issues in my work. He said he’ll speak to me again on Friday (2 days from now) and expects me to give an answer about how I can improve and stuff. He seems to be power-tripping do so I’ll probably be firm about my position. Will probably mention the money part as well.
It sucks that I left a corporation because of work culture issues and joined this smaller company. And I see the same corporate disconnect cropping up here.3
It's 3 years old but for any of you who hasn't seen "The Expert"..
Still the closest thing resembling my corporate life 🤣3
Arg so we were acquired by a corporate company a few months back and now they have installed cameras in the office and swipe cards... No trust :/1
Just thinking back to my previous job.. My manager was nice and friendly to me.. until I messed up. It just makes me realize that in every company I'm just nothing but a tool they use to get good results.. If you start producing bad results, they'll hate you..
How d'yall live without a boss who is an incredibly experienced developer?!
To those who have a corporate dickhead as a boss, you all have my sympathy
How many boring monotonous corporate meetings, leading to no helpful conclusion or action item, is too many in a day?
Jesus please I just want to work!!!9
Big military company is using their custom font for everything. Is there a way to find documents that use a specific font?
All hail to the corporate identity!4
And on today's episode of ADHD, Depression, Or Corporate Jadedness? Our special guest star is start paralysis!1
Management noticed that employees are spending too much time on social media sites such as stackoverflow and ordered IT to block it2
So, at my new workplace which completed another anniversary (my first) thought it's a chill place to work at.
Just heard internal bad bitching and stuff, fuck I hate corporate.
And there's this guy who must have watched a few episodes of Naruto and called Nine tails a wolf, a fucking wolf!
Then today during my introduction, the same guy interrupted me with a mock "This guy is a hacker and he can read all your messages"
I was very tempted to say what I used to do at my previous company but energy saving...
Ah.... I already don't like this guy6
quantum computing cause it would be theoretically possible to digitize humans - I want to die and have my corpse burned before they start doing it so I won’t land in some metaverse corporate hell world against my will2
Corporate life blunts your edge, wants you to follow procedure and process. Then out of nowhere they complain that you're like robots, Think outside the box! Innovate!
Need to make more "beautiful" our corporate website, all the theme's css is with !important... wtf!?3
KODESKOLE = CODESCHOOL
And they use a fucking closing dash in the beginning of the "tag"... like what the shit4
My office WiFi is freaking fast upto 25mbps, should I download Torrents using it. Is there a possibility that corporate networks are under more surveillance ?7
We heard you like security so we put antivirals in your docker containers despite the fact that we made you have antivirals on your machines running the docker containers.
And we won't allow to use root just in case you want to disable the av. And we don't care you need it for the docker 😂
This is how I was played when wanted to use docker containers to avoid dealing with OPS.
Some time passes, my team is going to have independent cloud infrastructure.
Doing corporate politics is challenging...5
Dude at work floats the idea of creating separate Github accounts for personal and work for security. My response:
While we're discussing options, we should also consider maintaining a list of users as a CSV^H^H^H MS Excel file, and install an authentication server that runs off the laptop of an "IT Administrator". That way it'll be super secure because hackers cannot access any system outside of working hours, as well as the days that said admin is off from work.2
It is absolutely surreal on my first foray into the corporate world after contracting, to have to have some one that is not you do hardware fixes on your machine.2
Yesterday the news headline was MS bought GitHub.
Today the headline maybe:
BREAKING NEWS: Corporate users like Google are deleting their accounts and invoking GPDR to ensure all their data is deleted!5
How many of you working in a corporate environment can’t stand people escalating “issues” to your bosses, bosses, boss ad nauseam, for things that aren’t actual issues.
Here is something I created just for you!4
Guys I need your help, I'm considering the corporate life, and I have two major options
A software factory where I would be working on maintaining existent systems and adding features, but I would learn a lot with their shadow program.
An IT department where I would use a lot of different technologies, .Net, Java, ADF, etc, maybe even hardware but I would be paid the fifth than with A.
So what do you think?14
Being a Mobile Developer and seeing corporate companies stuck in a mindset of Web Development. Analytics using Breadcrumb trails. oh, okay then. Makes sense.2
"We unfortunately live in a corporate world where group decision making is made to avoid failure rather than to achieve success." - Bill Cahan3
If the corporate work life needs to be taught in school, what do you think the subject would look like?
For example, I think time management and people management should have been there.10
Pm orders me to integrate data from several closed systems into a new CRM, problem is... corporate security won't allow me to push data between these networks as there are extremely sensitive data on these systems. So I disobey PM or corporate if I do it and ive told both the issues. 4th round with this exact issue now.4
Well, seems working in toxic corporate environments for too long has had an effect on me
"Please ask permission the day before when you have do something in the morning that will make you late" I wound up not being late after all but anyway
Sorry I come from a place where the only to get that kind of stuff down was by being cagey with information and leaving things as vague as "I have to run an errand" at the last possible minute
Android force-updated itself without my permission and it appears they've removed the "open applications" menu altogether. If not, it's well and completely hidden.
Getting fucking sick of my phone and other devices being at the mercy of Mommy Microsoft, Daddy Google and Auntie Apple. Fuck them. I have zero control over my electronics anymore.
EDIT: It's there, but it only works if you're already in an app - not from the home screen. Because that makes fucking sense.3
I can't stand how big tech companies treat you like a child. Every fucking team bonding activity is more childlike than the other.
Its like they are about to bundle crayons and pizza next time you are on crunch.3
When companies say they migrated to microservices, they actually mean: Monoliths deployed in a microservices architecture6
In a corporate world...apparently having open communication and sharing opinions is only allowed between ELDERS(bade log)😑1
Does your bosses/managers also posting shit ton of pathetic buzzwords posts on LinkedIn (like: embrace, family, awesome organisation, very proud, guru, celebrating) and yet you know the organisation from inside and it's same corporate sh*t as everywhere else?13
Corporate developers... Is your job exciting? Do you enjoy the work place environment you are in? I ask because corporate work environments I've heard are very dry and boring.7
Marketing director changes our corporate presentation and asks for my opinion. I gave him my opinion and then he gets angry and starts talking sh*t. 😐3
Was in awe for the democratic potential of the worldwide web, and wanted to help realizing it. I was blind to its corporate potential back then.
Taking mandatory corporate compliance training that says what things I am not allowed to do...
BUT it's actually quite interesting because I never knew you could do these and well it's starting to give me ideas....
I have a dream, that one day I'll be able to work normally without the FUUUCKING corporate proxy blocking every shit1
The feeling when the access to a system you need the most for all your projects are being deprecated. Mhmmm my tears taste salty2
All the contractors have to take furlough for the holidays, but the company spends the money to buy a bunch of $1300 televisions for no better reason than corporate vanity.
I'm sure the softs think it's the greatest thing ever though.
Any suggestions to work on coding (php/sql atm) during downtime while at work? I've been learning css and js (front/back) for a year while unemployed. Just got IT call centre job in highly monitored corporate environment. Have potential side programming job but need more practice.4
just out of session organized by HR to inculcate "change" in our corporate "culture", still waiting for a salary change.
Tech department wants me to work on cool, innovative stuff for the company. Marketing Director doesn't think anything tech-related is worth my time or cost to company. I'm just here stagnating, building HTML templates over and over again. This guy is holding me back, not letting me develop and at the same time help the company move forward technologically.
I've been complaining about shit hosting provider for over two years now, the other day they went down for days and affects business. Only now they wake up and decide on better hosting environment.
I need to find another job or do my own thing. Fuck corporates with no sense of technological innovation.5
Had a Long discussion with stake owners and PM. Ended in despair over corporate guidelines and impossible demands from the board / CEO.
PM finally said: Fuckit, let's get a beer, i'm buying.
Best day so far this week.1
All that mandatory bullshit, where they're trying to take the most boring thing ever (ie policies), and gamify it, throw shitload of multimedia on it, make it interactive and think anybody is going to care.
I don't want to watch your fucking videos where employees are trying to enact policy violations.
I'm not going to follow the policies and cooperate with HR as they're not to be trusted in a first place.
Where the hell is the "skip bullshit" button, which takes me to the end of the training, where I click the "I Acknowledge" button, because agreement/liability confirmation is the only thing they're after anyway.2
That despite my skills and education, I'm unable to survive on my own, and am nothing more than a corporate cog with a limited lifespan.2
My office feels like corporate version of "Russian Sleep Experiment" :|
The way we slog all day and nights without Sleep to complete the project :/1
So from now on 5% of my software dev performance will be related to DEI and I'll have to attend "trainings". Aside from the fact that it is complete BS, how does this have anything to do with software engineering and why is it so arbitrary, vague and hypocritical in general?
I'll summarize your goddamn 5%: don't be an asshole. Can I start working for real now?
Sounds pretty great for an american company that hires people offshore on the cheap and that treats them lowkey like second-hand slaves? But that's ok because life in their country would be worse without a job so we are "helping" them. How generous.
How low can corporate culture (if you can even call it that) go?3
I was just thinking; Since now I am closer to graduating and I'll be joining the corporate industry. Which company is most preferable as a junior developer; What I mean is, would it be better to start working for a start-up company or go for a well known and established company?
because what I am thinking, with the start-up company there is more room for growth (position and experience), unlike the well-established company where you are given mediocre work (I think that's what they do anyway) since you are still new and coming straight out of university. I'd appreciate some advice and maybe some other people can benefit as well.1
Corporate bullshit and bloated systems...
I keep on getting sucked into meetings where I know what each word means but the sentaces don't make sense
Rant here... Consistent daily Mob or pair pair programming is for noobs, non-competent programmers that delay deadlines and cannot hold their own in corporate development environments5
Would you use react to create something like a static corporate website?
If not, with which framework/ technology would you do it?10
There was an Internet hiccup at work.
The only sites I could access was Bing and Microsoft.
Not even the internal corporate network was accessible!
I think Big Brother knows me quite well!!! 😏
This is a rant about the passion of programming and building in the business world (AKA corporate/startup world)
I speak for myself and I believe many programmers out there who set out on their journey into the world of programming by a certain interest kindled some time when they first wrote their first line of code. We innocently eager, and dream of working for large fancy companies and start making money while doing the thing we love doing the most.
And then... reality hits. We find that most companies are basically just the same thing. Our supposedly creative and mind-challenging passion is now turned into mundane boring repetitive tasks and dealing with all kinds of bazaar demands and requirements. You suddenly go from wanting to change the world to "please move this to left by 10 px". And from experience that drives people to the extent of hating their jobs, and hating the very thing they were once so very infatuated with.
One narrative I see being pushed down the throats of developers (especially fresh young eager developers with no experience) mostly by business people/owners is "WORK FOR PASSION!". I personally heard one CEO say things like "It's not just about a salary at the end of the month. IT IS ABOUT A MISSION. IT IS ABOUT A VISION"...bla...bla...bla. Or "We don't work for money we work for passion". Yeah good luck keeping your business afloat on passion.
What irritates me the most about this, is that it is working. People today are convinced that doing shit jobs for these people are all about passion. But no one wants to stop for a second and think that maybe if people are passionate about something, even if that thing is in the field in which they work, they're not passionate about working for someone else doing something they hate? If I am really working for "passion" why don't I just quit and go work on something that I am ACTUALLY passionate about? Something that brings me joy not dread? It's a simple question but it's baffling to me why no one thinks about it. To me personally, jobs are just that; jobs. It's something to make a living and that's it. I don't give a fuck if you think you're building the next "innovative", "disruptive", "shitluptive" thing :D. Unfortunately that is viewed as "negative limited mentality".
I am quite passionate about programming and making things, but I am not so passionate about building your stupid app/website with a glue code everywhere!2
Just realised that I haven’t properly laughed in a long long while.
Don’t even remember the last time I laughed.
Don’t remember the number of times I have laughed since starting my corporate life.7
When I will be ready to be transitioned to a promoted developer.
I have been with a company for 2.5 years and nit much development from it. As the review processes are nothing and we are all doing whatever we could and deploying everything to prod.
Now I have changed my company and been a level 1 developer. It's still an entry level role.
I am working towards my promotion but still the as a growth team I am not getting enough chances to work on something good. My design skills are still not good.
What should I do? I have been in this role for a year now. If I want to transition any other company will offer me a level 2 developer role. Should I go into applying for jobs for level 2 when I know that I am not enough? I am afraid that of I waited in my current company I will be stuck for 2 more years here.
Herding managers all day, I feel like a corporate cowboy.
Ewww… one just shat on my Balenciaga boots in spite - guess it’s time to cut its balls off.2
Oh the sweet anxiety that comes with job hunt. May the odds be in my favour this month as i attempt to crawl back into the corporate world (remote of course)3
If you call it Sequel and not S.Q.L and you happen to be from India, I will assume you’re a corporate shmuck. Fight me.13
Corporate culture in a nutshell: these are the team goals, work on your tasks and switch your brain off.
It is my new aim to use the most ridiculous naming frameworks so I can talk about them in corporate meetings. Discovered chaos monkey today. What else you guys got?2
If you were to work at one company for the rest of your life what would is be
B) Software Services/Consultant Company
C) Startup / A company who creates b2c software products Eg. Uber8
Have any of you ever hidden easter eggs in you're code?
I imagine it's frowned upon in corporate, but how about you're own projects?
I love easter eggs by the way.5
I got a really really fast computer from my previous employer with a valid windows 10 license (Enterprise) as a farewell gift when I left them in December 2016.
Yesterday my 3 year old daughter magically entered the Windows Activation window and entered a bogus key.
Since my previous boss doesn't work there anymore and you have to log into the corporate domain to re-enter a valid corporate key.. I was forced to buy a valid key.
Well, at least now the license is mine. But it was expensive...3
So this is my first job at a corporate company and my God I need to apply for permission and wait for it for so long just to install common freewares for dev like VS Code. Is this normal? Really I am pissed when requirements pop up and I get stalled for over a week.12
One of our corporate clients insists that we push changes and updates to production on either Saturday or Sunday. I've worked weekends for longer than I care to admit now.
A major update that completely changes both the data model and UI is scheduled for deployment this Sunday.
Monday is going to be hell with support requests.
In the corporate world, how does promotion work?
Cause Im just a student here and I dont have a damn clue on how it works.10
All that I have been ranting about this year are first world problems. Not only because politics is the only taboo on devrant, but also because I have been making too much compromise again.
It seems that most of the money is paid in projects for industrial companies, marketing, and useless products. So I ended up doing only some work for impact projects and ecological startups, taking time to learn new technology, and otherwise waste my potential to make a change by doing web development for well paying companies.
Still better than the years before, when I was an employee. Corporate culture sucks, at least it seems so at most companies in Germany and probably also America and even more so in other countries?! As a freelancer, at least I have the choice not to agree to any offer. And I did say no to many offers this year.
But still ...
New year resolution: prioritize customers with a purpose to make the world a better place. Make less compromise. Stop complaining about bullshit tech and just get things done instead.4
I would just like to thank the companies who tried to make their GDPR email funny, interesting, or at least non-corporate1
Ah the joy transitioning from the unrestricted apprentice network to the tightly restricted prod and dev network and environment. U can be sure thst the corporate proxy will give you a dropkick to ure face when trying anything that was released in the last 5 years...
Have you ever worked for an organization that is not specialized in software development because that is not their main line of business, however, their products are software applications?
If you are, then hi you and me are in the same boat. Currently I have a nice manager and I'm acting as dev lead the strange thing I have a peer that is supposed to be lead as well but I cannot define his position....
In theory he should be scrum master / resource manager which fails at both terribly.
I ended up implementing Agile in the team and deciding what goes and not into the sprint based on quality while this guy just try to squeeze stuff into the sprint, the more the better even with all kinds or problems...
Honestly I'm not sure why he is still in the team since it seems like he only drains the budget, doesn't understand a thing about the products he is working on and every single idea he has is horrible.
Every meeting I have with him I always ended up asking myself "How can somebody be that stupid?" The lack of technical knowledge and even common sense is over 9000 in this one...
It might sound bitter from my end but after two years of dealing with this stupidness of getting people in software development that have no idea what software development is and understand the intricacies of it just because they did an access database or are good at excel is nonsense.
I'm at the verge of quitting and the only thing that is keeping me here is my manager and the fact that the products I am working with are pretty interesting.
Sorry for the long rant but I had to get it out of my chest before it explodes and I directly call out this person.
Not looking for suggestions but if anybody want to chime in go ahead.1
Software packages can be installed only through proprietary software manager on a corporate server to ensure auditability and compliance.
The package manager fails, because it attempts to execute `yum` on an Ubuntu server.3
I missed my scrum today. Missed the team meeting with VP, he asks everyone what are they working on, a good way to get in touch with peers.
Reason being, when I was sleeping the family started screaming in the morning for 2 hours they went on. I got little stressed and my eyes are still swollen.
Is it the valid reason not attending the meetings. I'm working for a promotion and 1 day in 2 weeks miss my scrum due to some reasons. What do you people think, should I stop struggling for promotion now and find another job?4
I am fairly new to "enterprise" programming, but have some experience with self-study and open source. I'm getting more frustrated by the day because the code quality of our software is appallingly bad: functionality that should be centralised isn't, assumptions about internal structures and functionality of objects are made throughout the code, concerns are not separated, and so on. In my current team, we explicitly disabled SonarQube because "someone would have to fix it and our software wouldn't pass even after a month of work".
While I understand the concerns that companies would rather see new features than "quality improvements", so what? Every time we want to add something, we either have to restructure half the source code or add it in a really horrible way (and get pressured to do it that way).
Is it normal that code quality in companies is so bad?10
Someone save me from this fucking stupid corporate web based trainings and let me focus on more important shit like re-factoring my code (ohh joke) and/or writing something more code then going what i just mentioned above.
got into this stream for developing great fun things, then corporate life happened and sucked out all the creativity2
As a developer, which work environment do you prefer; Corporate work or Start up/entrepreneurship stuff?10
DevRanters, which one would u choose?
Marginal increase in salary and climb up the corporate ladder.
Substantial increase in salary but climb down the corporate ladder.12
That moment you get you chewed for not doing stuff when all you been doing the last two weeks is chasing the people that are supposed to get back to you about that stuff
Want me to make them do it? Give me the authority. Clearly having my manager talk to their manager isn't helping3
I hate it when my lead asks me whats my involvement to my co-workers project when in fact, i'm just answering questions that should have been handled by my lead.
"Success finally came when we were able to convince some creative men that good appearance was a salable commodity, that it often cut costs, enhanced a product’s prestige, raised corporate profits, benefited the customer and increased employment." - Raymond Loewy1
There is a fine line between chic corporate speak and not cool corporate neologisms.
Then there are these gems from the client:
- major blocker: "showstopper"
- the situation is becoming high pressure: "things are getting hot and heavy"23
Yeah... Already second week employed in corporate, but I can only dream of any software licences.....🤦♀️.....I feel like I am getting used to it...🙄🔫
Corporate -> Startup -> Corporate
Well this corporate is based in France and has a better reputation so hopefully my time here will be better
I am reading third book
“The Cult of Fog Island” and now I am 100% sure that shitting on employees and micromanagement are forms of cult and sect.
People who do it are narcissistic dumb fucks just wanting to lick CEO or their own ass and get prize for what they didn’t do.
Well fuck them I hope they burn in hell.
I'm just wondering ,after observing all your guys' rants.Is the corporate world that bad? I'll probably be working in the next 2-3 years and I'm hoping I won't have a bad experience9
Be diligent and systematic in selecting corporate software solutions. Wrong choice and/or motives can be devastating in cost and functionality.
I was called on a review meeting on why the task took so much time and why my performance is going down.
I clearly stated that I was not managed well and I had lot of dependencies in presence of my reporting manager. She didn't look happy. Now I'm kind of worried that she could act weirdly as women are also emotional beings taking everything to the heart.4
I became a corporate tax auditor instead of struggling to compete with whores in all the hollowed out chomo fronts
Has anyone been in the situation when you order something on company's expenses, got your expenses manager approved, get the reimbursement in your account. And the item you ordered got refunded because of some delivery problems?
Will any company can find out of I have pocketed the money, in this case I haven't. I just bought same item from local shop but my manager is unaware if whole thing except he approved my expenses.
Should I drop a mail to my manager regarding this? It's been 1 week already.10
Fucking large ass corporate companies that outsource some apps with fucking internal politics. Can't decide the scope of what we're working and won't even let us decide or proceed with our dev.
I am so close to done on my first solo app I've worked on for 6 months that could beat down similar corporate apps. Friends and family are proud, but don't really know what I mean. Just happy.
The level of designation of a corporate employee is directly proportional to the quality of blazer in their LinkedIn profile pic.1
I got a guy in my team but different location who is completely useless. He doesn't do anything useful, yet always have something to say.
Manager(M) asking him for progress on some task via email:
M: Any progress on this?
Useless guy: oh yes we have to tasks to solve *long description of the tasks*
M: Yup I was asking if there was any progress since we agreed this yesterday
And now there is radio silence since Friday :)
When did Balmers "Developers, developers, developers.." turn into "Security, security, security.." and why the people responsible for the security have so little understanding for the people who actually work in the system..1
Android OS is officially done in 2022 and belongs on a graveyard with all the other projects that started out good but got ruined later by corporate bullheads1
I sometimes feel like we are the godhead and then sometimes feel like we are at the bottom of the 21st century corporate ladder food chain.
"Success finally came when we were able to convince some creative men that good appearance was a salable commodity, that it often cut costs, enhanced a product’s prestige, raised corporate profits, benefited the customer and increased employment." - Raymond Loewy
My 'corporate startup' doesn't want to upgrade their old bloated platform to a more agile framework.
And then ask, why we miss so many deadlines :/1
Why on earth would anyone agree to work in a company that sends your code to some other team to check it then you get stupid comments like yes it works great but make the code look like the code in that system we made 10 years ago so everything can look the same. Easier for maintenance.
That is not how programming works ...
Code has an essence to it...
You cant just make me break the ...
Honestly id rather work for less money and never have my code questioned on the bases that “it should look like...”1
fuck you onelogin, saml and corporate login for being difficult to setup and understand (still haven't achieved either)
also fuck you outdated documentation
when you drag in a senior to help you and they think you're a retard (true), "just read the docs" (attempted), you have them try to babysit you through the setup and they realize the docs are not up to date/retard proof enough to get a proper setup on your end1
Anyone here has quitted their high paying corporate job and made money with their IT skills. If yes, I am eager to know how?
So this supposed dev ops job has devolved into first support.
This shit honestly doesn't even make sense to me
Time to start looking5
Fuck these IT corporate proxies
Nothing just *works* and you have to fiddle with shit all the time and waste hours and days
The worst thing is the team I work on and their code isn't on the corporate server so if I'm on their damn proxy I can't access my work, if I'm not I can't access company stuff that I need
I don't understand why corporate waste so much money on agile training they know that doesn't gonna improve performance of developer at all. Instead of it decreases his performance because of so many annoying meeting and reporting3
Using boot2docker behind a corporate proxy that fucks with your SSL certs will drive anyone insane!! 👹
I'm new to corporate environment, 3 months in. Why should I care about filling OKR if I don't care about my promotion? Just wanna get things done and that's it.1
I started as a dev. Because corporate wants to save some money for their bonus they put two jobs into one. DevOps is born. Fuck you!
I AM A DEV! LET OPS DO THEIR JOB! I DON'T WANT IT!
Okay, so i always was like an anti corporate rebel, i moved to bigger city and ended in marketing agency working remotely and explaining to this guys that i can't create rest api on their server because they are allowing only get and post method and client wants delete put etc etc, normal thing. Is it normal or it's something wrong with me ? Maybe it's time to switch to C++ and go to some corporate company ?
That time when you first learn command line to remove a directory and end up deleting the entire corporate intranet.
Thankfully there were backups.
Only learned afterwards they had just started doing back ups the day before.
Can't stand another Android vs iPhone debacle at work. Especially those about "corporate" like Apple is evil and Google is good (or vice versa).