Stoned..!

"So what are your hobbies?"

Me: "programming"

"No i mean your real hobbies, besides the work you do"

Me: *awkward silence*

Project handover:

"Mmh okay, so what about test coverage?"

Dev: "zero"

Team taking the project "why???"

Dev: "You don't need test if you write perfect code"

Silence in the room... Followed by awkward laugh.

Life of an introvert

She: "I am not getting anything out of these classes!!"

Me: "Try making some Objects first"

*Awkward silence*

[Reception] : "Good evening, how may I assit you?"

[Guest] : "Hi... Yes, I can't seem to find my room."

[Reception] : "What room number do you have?"

[Guest] : "I'm in room 404..."

*Awkward silents*

[Reception] : "How did you access the room phone?"

*Hangs up*

I made a Trello board and listed some tasks for me and my team.

My boss comes in, I show him the trello board to show how I organized our tasks.

He liked it, so I asked him if we can use it more frequently.

He replied: this is your code, do whatever you want.

I asked: my code?

He replied: yah didn't just build this webpage? This interactive task manager.

Me in shock: hold on you think I built trello?

Boss: oh ... You didn't ? It looks like something you'd do for your "front end masterbaution".

Me: oh wow, well... If that was the case I would've made $425 million on top of my salary.

Boss: looked at me like meh ~ and walked away...

:/ :/ :/

That awkward moment when you are programming with headphones totally ignoring the world around you... then you stop for a moment, you turn around and behind you the other workers are celebrating a birthday by drinking champagne and cutting slices of cake... since at least 5 minutes.

The awkward moment when your ethernnet cable is the bottleneck in your Internet connection.

Never thought I'd see such speeds in India. Wow moment!

Side note: I was subscribed to a 50mbps plan. Last night my subscriber upgraded their network and just gave me a upgrade FREE of cost.

My friend just made an awkward joke

Me: I couldn't get Postgres working on ubuntu

Friend: How bout installing GET-gres

Me: (awkward silence)

That awkward moment when you tell your gf you want a rubber duck for your birthday present but you mistyped it.

Gf: "Sweetie, what gift do you want for your birthday?"
Me: "a rubber dick would be fantastic! it'll help me debug things"
Gf: "Ok... if you say so..."

Me on day 1 of learning a new language:

Being a python developer, upvoting using ‘++’ is kinda awkward.

Me : We have 3 guys , 850 hours of content to develop, and you want this by mid Feb...
Account Manager : Yes
Me: ... (Doing math in head)..
Account Manager : This has to happen , what do we need to MAKE THIS HAPPEN..
Me: A time machine....

- awkward silence -

I accidently left log.debug("bollocks") ;
In an exception handler our customers log monitoring system picked it up and they questioned why and I quote here "why is there a spike in bollocks at 3am?"
That was an awkward conference call

Sometimes I sit in awkward positions while coding. I once stood up at the office, took one step and fell to the floor because my leg was numb. They almost gave me a medal.

Me: *Playing around with bash on Windows*

Friend: Can you hack my Facebook account?

Me: I already did...

*moments of awkward silence*

Dat moment when your dad started to use devRant

So we had this girl working with us as a graphic designer, she has a great sense of humor and pretty much impossible to piss her off

So April 1st is considered "a fool's day" here, on March 31 i sent an official looking email to everyone ( minus the seniors ) in our office saying how she's kinda shy about having her birthday on April 1st and everyone should wish her so she wouldn't feel awkward about it

Needless to say her actual birthday is not in April

So when she came to office on 1st, everyone started wishing her and singing Happy Birthday, she spent whole day explaining to everyone that came to wish

It was awkward as hell and pretty hilarious 😂😂

Guy: *hands me sheet of paper* What does this code do?
Me: *looks through code written on the paper* Well, most likely segfault.

*awkward silence*

Truth be told. I'm funnier on the internet, but damn am I weird and socially awkward in real life.

This awkward moment when you go:
- Who the fuck wrote that shit?
And the other side of room whispers:
- You did...

File > New Project > Create

(awkward silence)

Me: ....
Computer: ....

That awkward moment when you don’t want to come out of your room because there are strangers in your house.

That awkward moment when your shower has a better commit streak than you.

Going to a dev meetups-

EXPECTATION: I'll meet cool dev people or maybe find an awesome career opportunity =D

REALITY: I feel too awkward to say anything to anyone the entire time :(

Wanted to introduce my colleagues to devrant. But how can I ? My rants are about them :p

That awkward/awesome moment when you are looking at dank memes at work and your boss is standing behind you and laughs :')

My first ever programming lesson was pretty awkward. I had zero knowledge of any coding so even the basics were new. Everytime the teacher said "string" I was kinda cringing and feeling awkward, but nobody else seemed bothered. I was laughing inside like the teenager I was, looking around for someone to share a giggle with. But nothing.

The explanation:
The word "string" in dutch means thong. Me not knowing any other uses for this word was a little flustered 😬.

CEO once thought it would be hilarious to give everyone Christmas bonuses in the form of little brown paper bags filled with fifteen hundred $1 bills.

Was a little awkward trying to deposit. 👯‍♂️

Apparently "Want to meet my rubber duck?" is an acceptable phrase only in the developer community.

When you go out for an interview and your current boss shows up

Best part of being a dev :
You get to live the stereotype. "She doesn't talk much, she is always on her laptop - coding, always has headphones on. Too much of a geek. Let's not invite her to a party. "

No awkward "Uh , I cant come. " Yay! B-)

Simple!

Be socially awkward and not have a social life

1st post. Not sure if rant.

> Join 1st job after college.
> Desk assigned is close to a senior dev
> Random day, QA asks senior dev questions on something and coincidentally I happened to be working on the same thing.
> Senior dev borrows my system and explains qa something.
> By the end of explanation senior dev had bunch of shell commands written on notepasd on my machine.
> I don't understand jack shit of whats happening.
> QA looks at me and says, "Ping me once."
> I think, "no idea what just happened but must be something related to network ."
> I open terminal and type "ping" and quitely wait for further instructions (address to ping that is).
> Everyone starts laughing their asses off.
> QA guy opens slack, and sends himself the commands on text document.
> I realize what just happened
> Laugh awkwardly with everyone to ease the pressure
> FML

I need to stop reading devRant posts on the train and in public in general. These rants be cracking me up too much. Most awkward when you try to explain to someone who cares to know what's so funny and you know they can't relate so you're just sitting like.....

This happened just a few meters of me.

IT Guy: What happened sir?
IT Manager: WTF does the variable a4g646g54a6g54a65g654ag546a654g56a?

~awkward silence~

Still curious.

That awkward moment when during the breakfast your dad asks for a fork and you can't find him on github... 😁

Our working hours are from 9 to 6 which is the standard in Malaysia (I'm not malaysian )

Yesterday I came in around 10AM and my boss took me to his room as soon as I arrived.

Boss: If you were in school and you come late what do you expect to happen ?

Me: get punished, I'll compensate by working an extra hour today.

Boss: well our clients aren't available at your extra hour and I'm struggelling with a big client you're supposed to ship the rest of his site and golive today and he's freaking out

Me: yh well his site is done it just needs final QA before going live.

Boss: oh its done already?, cool cool. Anyway you shouldn't be late you're not Malaysian and being late doesn't run in your genes like them.

*ops manager (Malaysian) walks in*

*boss confused*

*ops manager looks him in the eye*

*boss looks at the ground*

* me giggling while walking to my desk*

That awkward moment when you realize the code you have been debugging for an hour actually works fine and updating the entire dataset. You've just been returning only the top 1000 rows.

That awkward moment when you're so sleepy that you put the earphone's 3.5mm jack into your ears.

I always feel awkward asking for large quantities of $1s from the bank. I'm addicted to the snack machine, not strippers!

That awkward moment when you are focused on talking to a friend, and you realize that you wrote your password in the wrong field

Well...

Do you ever feel like you're the socially awkward one on your team?

There was this couple who were talking on the phone and neither of them would hang up,asking the other person to hang up.
So we did it for them :)

Awkward Meeting, right ?

That awkward moment, when you after several hours of debugging finds the error, types git blame and your own name comes up.

That awkward moment...

That awkward moment when you open a terminal and the non dev person next to you thinks you're hacking him.

That awkward moment when you find bug instead of porn on "Pornhub" 😂😂😂

Lol I'm such an introvert
I have joined an internship and have been here for 4 weeks now. I have been seeing people drinking coffee since day 2, but have been shy to ask about it. In my 2nd week I located where the coffee machine was, but to shy to use it. This week, after finally gathering up the courage I went to use the machine after others used. That's when I realised I don't know how to use it. Lol. I made such a bad mix of expresso and milk and had to add 4 spoons of sugar to be able to drink it. Yesterday I made the mistake of not adding sugar and thought it was too awkward to go back to add sugar, so gulped it down after it cooled a little.
Looool, need to develop soft skills

That awkward moment when I was able to run three docker containers on a 512MB server:
1. DotNet core web service
2. MySQL
3. OpenVPN

BUT I cannot run:
1. NodeJs web service
2. MongoDB container

Spent two hours configuring the damn server to get hit by this T_T

That awkward moment when you don't understand your own code written a year ago... -_-

One of the dev in my team literally asked us (other student devs, professor, and a guy from the company we were working with) this question during a weekly scrum meeting:

"Who is this Jason you guys keep talking about? He never showed up to any of our meetings!".

A bit of context: we were 6 weeks (halfway) into our FINAL YEAR PROJECT for a bachelor in software engineering...

I thought at first he was joking...

When you laugh at a devRant post and the non-tech 50 year-old woman next to you finds out your good with computers. And then she asks you to delete her porn history... Awkward

It's when your teacher gives you an 8 out of 8 grade for literally one printf and one scanf program that you realize the average level of your class is ridiculously low.

That awkward moment when you realise that your machine is doing more learning than you this semester.

My boss looks unbelievably similar to a character from the Simpsons.

We have a new guy start, he wants to show his wife how uncanny the resemblance is. So he sends her a picture of him... Except he sent it to our boss by accident, this was his first day on the Job.

That awkward moment when you alter your code to see if it work this new way, and doesn't, and undo does not work. *Weapons grade facepalm*

How do you call it when a senior Linux engineer doesn't know the awk command?

Kinda AWKward.

Probably the most awkward feeling call happened to me just recently.

I was to interview a guy that's like 10 years older from me with 10y more experience in mostly unrelated tech. I was prepared to have some respect for the guy, and was a bit anxious, but that changed quickly.

The first fucking thing he says, on the fucking job Interview is essentially "I've worked in tech for 20 or so years, and I don't appreciate being tested" great start .. needless to say, I tried to reformulate all my prepared Interview questions so they sound as casual as I could while still trying to get him to tell me *anything*. Most of the time I just felt like "why are we even here dude, you clearly don't care about any of this"...

About 12 or so questions later It was finally clear that none of his experience is useful, and even the exp he has sounds like past companies kept him around as a number...

I want to try a few more edge cases, hoping to find anything we could work with, when he calls me out on it and says "Well now you're testing me, I don't like being tested" at which point I pretty much gave up on the dude and let my HR colleague talk.

Then out of nowhere the guy brings up his mortgage, and how he needs money, and how no one wants to give him a job, and that if we don't want him, we should just tell him now.

Then he starts asking how many people we're interviewing, which is obviously stuff we can't answer, I just said "normal amount" to dodge the question at first, but that just made him more closed off and he just silently remarked "so you can be picky..."

That was one of the most painful interviews I had so far. Me and ny colleague pretty much instantly agreed that he's not a good culture fit for us. Probably not a fit for any company really, not with that attitude.

PS: it was a video call, though he had his camera turned off at first, so it was only me with a camera for half the call. He turned it on just about as I had enough of him.

I worked with this guy at a startup one time, and just to annoy me, he would write commit comments describing how I was such a bad developer, or how I was such a horrible person. After like the 15th time he did this, I decided to be totally unprofessional and do the same for him... our commit comments quickly turned into a conversation where we would just insult each other (as a joke).

The original developers of the startup no longer work there (including me and him)... I wonder who's reading those comments now.

Me: *opens up a test script*
> only http response code is checked

Me: hey, coleague from qa, why didn't you also write response body checks?

Col: I had then implemented but removed them later.

Me: ?? Why??

Col: because tests were failing

Crickets: *chirp chirp* .... *awkward pause* [in high pitched crickety voice] what the fuck?!?!

That awkward moment when you learn about callbacks and lookup tables and your whole menu logic goes from a 2 page long switch-case to 3 lines of code... 😂

That awkward moment when your AliExpress package has travelled more countries than you ever have

So our team went out on a lunch today.
Now because we are mostly developers (talk less bullshit and code more) we were quite uncomfortable sitting next to each other without a laptop.

Yeah, it was pretty awkward.

Then there's that awkward moment when variable "count" doesn't work because I called it "cunt" later on.

End of year company party with 1200 employees. CEO is singing on stage with dinner buffet.
And I don't know what to do, with so many people. If i sit alone on a couch it is not ok. But sitting next to random strangers is also not ok. I hate such situations. How do you deal with this?

!rant
I have t shirt which has 1+1=10 written over it. In my family all are from non science background.so they laugh at me whenever i wear that shirt.
Once i got frustrated and yelled " you will never git it".
*,awkward silence*
Wish i had cs related family background -.-

So I'm still a student in college.

I'm always in the library either writing code, or studying math (huge nerd).

People talk with each other, talk with girls, laugh with girls, and I'm just doing my thing.. alone.

I'm also reasonably attractive and super thin, and so girls also look at me alot (which scares me).

So people think I'm this super mysterious programmer guy that always has headphones on and is doing God knows what... Probably also awkward and super shy (which really is the case)..

Then out of nowhere, I'm laughing, smiling and having a blast because of something I read on devRant..

My cheeks hurt from because I try to keep the laughs in, and then when I can't take anymore I get out from library just to be able to laugh :D ...

Anyone else in a similar situation? Can you relate?

That awkward moment when your Girl needs you not as a friend but as a web dev because of a javascript bug in an online job portal that won't let you send your application because the hidden field auto fill crashes due to exhausted free requests to the Google maps API...

That awkward moment when you ask you final year CS project mentor to clone your git repo for his feedback and he says
Oh. CLOUD COMPUTING!!!!
😯

You get the feeling to be an INDIAN.

That awkward moment when you're learning deep neural networks but you own an AMD GPU...

Recruiter: why did you quit last job
Me: why not? It was worth quitting 🤣

*Awkward silence*

Once I visited php.com.

That was awkward. How could this happen?

Awkward moment when your comment on a rant gets more ++ than the original rant...

That awkward moment when you're out and there are so many people around and you have nothing to do. So you take out your phone and browse through the app list and settings... Just browsing and doing nothing. I do that so much. Anyone else like me? 🙈

That awkward moment when you made some changes in your code and hope that it will fail so that you can confirm your theory/suspicion.

Otherwise you'll have no idea what's going on.

: /

That awkward moment you didn't backup and the hdd fails.

That awkward moment when you email a quote to your new client and he responds with "Why so expensive? Wix is so cheap"

* Kill me*

That awkward moment when your CEO asks for Pokémon go apk 😜

Here's how I imagine my bad start on a new job would be:

1. Being introverted
2. Being introverted
3. Being introverted

Yep, I'm awkward most of the times in most social interactions irl outside of my friend circle.

My supervisor once said he had a dream about me in the bathtub (after getting his teeth pulled and being on pain killers). Still was creepy none the less, like I didn't need to know. Lol.

Well this is awkward.

SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME:

HOW DO I STOP BEING SO FUCKING AWKWARD!!!!!!!! Tell me please, i swear to you. My life would be so much better if i wasn’t so awkward and have social anxiety. Tell me what to do because i’m tired of it, i hate it so much.

Ah, the awkward moment when you're told to join a conference call to "just listen in the background so you know what's going on"

...and then no-one else from your company turns up, so you're stuck trying to appease a client while having absolutely no idea what's going on...

Head of department: Do we have license key for ubuntu os on our systems?

Lab assistant: Yess!!

Everyone else: No!!! It is open source

*awkward silence*

HOD leaves without saying a word after that

😂😂😂

WHY AM I SO FUCKING AWKWARD OH MY LORD! LITERALLY ALL I HAD TO DO WAS WATCH A SCHOOL PLAY AND THEN GET A PICTURE WITH A CAST MEMBER AND IT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE FEELINGS I'VE HAD IN THE PAST WEEK! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I AM SO DONE WITH THIS! I'M TIRED OF BEING SO AWKWARD AND ANXIOUS! I DON'T GET HOW PEOPLE CAN DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITHOUT FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE. THIS HAS LITERALLY RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE AND I'M SO TIRED OF IT. I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE ME BUT I JUST CAN'T GET MYSELF TO TALK TO ANYONE! THE SIMPLEST THINGS TAKE SO MUCH OUT OF ME AND I'M SICK OF IT! I'M JUST TIRED OF IT! I'm just, tired.

That awkward moment when you stay late night in the office to catch up some delayed work and suddenly remember that story you heard during lunch about the ghost that appears in the office at night

That awkward thing is my debugging partner 😍

That awkward moment a comment on your rant gets more ++ than your rant😏

That awkward situation when an instructor looks over your shoulder while you code

Instructor: *breathes over my shoulder*
Me:*slows down coding and eventually stops*
Instructor: ...
Me: ...
Instructor: ...Is something the matter?
Me: *screams internally*

I respect the teacher but having him do that is not good for my heart :/

I accidentally posted a Photoshopped image of my boss in her teams channel. I deleted it immediately, but I believe she saw it briefly. She never mentioned it, but things have been awkward ever since.

My recruitment story is a bit funny,
i had two interview, first one was to evaluate working style, behavior and ethics, where the interviewer and i spent almost 20 minutes discussing video games 😀.
second was technical, was interviewed by a lady dev manager and the team's technical lead "which i didn't know their roles at that time" went really good and at the end they asked:
Do you wanna ask us any questions?
Me: *leans back, with one arm on the chair arm and with a curious look and pointing one finger at both of them😕*
So what are you two?
them: *both had a shocked face and looked at each other for few seconds, manager chuckles😓😓* Well i am the team's dev manager and this guy is the team's technical lead, and in case you were wondering, we are not a couple.
technical lead: 😂😂😂
Me: 😨😨 no no that's not what i meant i swear.
Interview was over, i left the building thinking 😢😢 oh god, i totally blew it.
2 weeks later i get a phone call asking me to come and discuss contract terms 😂😂😂
sorry for the long story

Sunday afternoon extra work..
New guy: what do you do?
Me: backend, mainly
New guy: c#?
Me: yeah, but not just..
New guy: so you're good at it?
Me: I'm a fucking proctologist

Awkward silence, followed by nerdy giggling

That awkward moment when you can't figure out the shortest solution in the Google Code For Kids doodle thingy.

The awkward moment when the website is faster on my shitty computer than on its pre-production server...

awkward moment

when development site got indexed by the google before going live :(

It feels awkward testing a feature using front-facing camera. XD

That awkward moment when your reputation on DevRant is better than your reputation on StackOverflow... I've failed the community :(

At someone's wedding. Don't know anyone except my wife. She known noone except me and the bride.

/awkward
/help...

That awkward moment when your family and friends sit behind you and ask questions;

What is this you're typing on the screen?

Why words have different colors?

Why so many tabs?

How do you type so fast?

....... and more

Share yours.

Did a code test at an interview, had to aggregate data from a db. They stored cities with population count and users referenced cities.. 6 cities had a higher user count than population 🤔

They were a little taken back and suggested the population data must be outdated 😉.. it got a bit awkward

*starts to work on a new project while others remain unfinished*
*bulb lights up* oh look a new project idea
*goes on to start on that one instead*

Being a student developer is awkward.

The awkward moments when you've been laughing too much from most of these rants and your non programming friends wonder what's funny about them after showing them and trying to explain but they look at you all like...

The awkward moment when AVG flags your newly created executable as a Trojan 😓

That awkward moment when you realize that your girlfriend is seeing another developer. LOL

Well, this is awkward!

(Had this notification pop up on my lock screen a few days back (OnePlus 5 user))

Background: Since last 3-4 months, was working with a senior engineer remotely on a project.
Present: Currently, I am Out of Office and yesterday late night, I opened my official mail and after sometime I got an email with subject: GOODBYE!

It was from him. The same senior engineer with whom I was working. I thought it was a joke. But people don't joke when they send such emails to a huge group of people.

I never knew he was going to leave so soon. I wanted to learn so many things working with him. I used to ask him the silliest doubts ever.
I still wonder why he left the company. I have so many questions to ask him.
I am sad. I am feeling left alone.

It's awkward that today, this very moment, I can't ping him anymore forever.

It's obvious to be more professional and such things are normal.
But, I am fresher and my first project was with him. So, it's kind of tough for me too.

I know this will help me to grow up stronger and teach me that time isn't constant and we need to always be ready and use the right time preciously and deal with the "constant change".

And also, wherever he goes, my best wishes to him and I hope I will meet him some day.

That awkward moment, when u watch last episode first and believe it to be the first episode..
Thank you "Order by Name".

Aptly named - "Alpha and omega". Gonna be my beginning and end episode 😂

This is from the 70s. It can easily be updated to the present day, but it has a certain charm just the way it is:

Three women sat discussing their husbands and their sex lives.

"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."

"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."

"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."

It bothers me that the thumbnail image for GitHub repos on Reddit is always an awkward profile pic of the developer.

Awkward holiday party story?

Not sure how awkward this is, but our company gives away some fairly nice 'prizes' at the party. Several big screen TVs, KC Royals/St. Louis Cardinals game tickets, etc, etc.

A few years ago, tax laws forces us to charge the employee tax on the items given away at the party (taxed as part of their salary). Awkward part was HR didn't tell anyone until nearly all the prizes were given out.

HRMgr: "Oh, by the way, this year we are forced to include the price of the item as part of your salary so the appropriate taxes are taken out. If you have any questions, come see me on Monday."

I swear I could hear several "WTF"'s from various tables and (to me) awkward silence.

The HR manager sent an apology email to the company saying he should have let everyone know before the party so individuals could make an informed decision about whether or not they wanted to accept the prize.

Most awkward work event story?

I haven't had many of those tbh. because I've been WFH last 3 years.

One that I remember was my birthday celebration at a company I worked at in 2019. The boss was hostile towards everybody and paid dog shit salaries. So the work environment wasn't the most uplifting and positive.

So anyway, The boss got a cake and rounded everybody up around me chanting Happy Birthday song to me.

Already awkward, but what made it more awkward was the fact that nobody else was clapping/singing other than the boss.

I looked at everybody and saw the depressed smiles on their faces. I'm glad it only lasted 5 mins.

Welp, dat awkward moment when Linux Foundation director runs macOS

Happy Christmas Eve, Everyone🎄
May you all be prepared for upcoming awkward family gathering. 🎅

While we're talking about Microsoft and GitHub.
This is what people dealing with billions of dollars on daily basis look like. The awkward looking guy just fucked millions of developers all over the world so he's a byte uncomfortable about all this.

That awkward moment when you delete database

"Tar up your projects as version control."
- CS teacher

I understand git is hard (just the awkward syntax) and not part of a curriculum, but can it at least be suggested? A whole year later, I found out about git and it has made CS projects so much easier.

git commit -a -m "No more tape archiving"

So other project members joined devRant now. So now we can rant about the project together <3 Let's hope our supervisors aren't here also... that would be awkward, right?

When you forget that you paused dropbox sync 2 days ago and the client starts questioning my progress, I remembered today - resumed sync and the client responded with "wow shit!" A little awkward..

currently in a hackaton right now and I really hate my self for being so dumb in presenting/explaining my idea. oh well, better luck next time.

My NDA prevents me of revealing a lot but here we go...

Hi,
during a 2 year hiatus after High School I decided to study CS. Coming from a third world country with no prospect of getting a nice job without breaking my back or getting spit on by overconfident CS geeks who now actually make a living wage there, I decided to study abroad.

I immediately realized what I have been missing... the culture, the people, the happenings,... I have been starved of LIFE

Anyways, I got the language pretty much down, uni is pretty hard but doable and I got the unthinkable... A JOB. I am currently a working student for a year at a multimillion dollar global conglomerate, doing what some may think of as scripting/data tinkering. I get payed more than both my parents combined, which is why they don't know anything... 😂 (yet, gotta ease em into it).

Now I have gotten my contract extended, which shows that I am doing a decent job there, the boss is firm but chill, coworkers are helpful and resourceful.

But what really grinds my gears is that I am mashing code together whilst googling my brain out, but I am not gaining any skill...

Now comes my grievance, the bane of my existence, the evil Morty to my Morty,... GitHub.

In this professional surrounding, where I got handed a $2,5k notebook and a overly huge paycheck, I never use Git (because we have a proprietary, internal, and very transparent alternative (transparent for the higher ups 😬 ))

I always wanted to contribute on GitHub, but I get very intimidated by the projects there and their scopes, people are waaay too knowledgeable in comparison to me and I will most certainly screw something up and embarrass myself. Since I am very self-conscious and awkward I would most probably just delete my profile there and lurk in the shadows again.

I need help, not only for my mental health, but also to expand my skillset and improve myself, since skill is the only thing I can still acquire.

Does anyone know where I should start as a overglorified python script-kiddy who still thinks 1337 is cool and mr Robot is a decent show?

Thanks,
@rn

Had a conference call and one of the guys said something along the lines of "I can handle the load (ticket load)" didn't even thought about it my mouth instinctively reacted with "that's what she said".

A couple of guys laughed but the other few just "wooooow"ed like if I had thrown a 9/11 joke.

This is not a rant perse, just a reminder that if I ever launch my own startup I shall look to hire "joke sensitive" people to make my scrum meetings as awkward as possible.

So I've realized how socially awkward I am. I've had a goal for a few weeks now to get a few new friends online a few in 2 different categories. Programming friends, and foreign language friends but it's so hard and I dont know how to initiate it on social media or on shit like discord and reddit

Watching a piece (a Belgian TV series) about hackers

- Police IT dpt takes a burned down computer (literally burned down -- black from the smoke), plug it into the mains and remove a graphics card. To collect evidence from.

- A policeman from IT dpt is browsing some company's website (while at the police station), looking at their clients. Address bar says: 127.0.0.1.

- The police hacker is browsing some forum. She got the post author's IP and MAC addresses from that forum post metainfo.

<img src="awkward.jpeg" alt="Awkward...">
<img src="confused_jackie.jpeg" alt="Awkward...">

I had a job interview today. Things got a bit awkward when the guy doing the interview (a head of tech) brings into the interview one of their midweight devs and I became the interviewer rather than the interviewee.

So reviewing another companies framework, colleague came across a 'banging tween' but didn't know what it was so googled turns out a tween is a person aged 9-14, he is now likely on many police watch lists. But he asks a couple of us on a Skype chat, one guy simply copies and pastes the definition of banging, I see his source says buffet is a synonym for 'bang' so I comment without thinking much:
"Would you like a bang? I certainly wouldn't use that sentence for would you like a buffet". Then I see the CTO typing I forgot he was in the chat and start to sweat oh s£#@ what have I done well I'm a gonna.
CTO: "'Me and my wife like a bang in the kitchen' seems alright to me". - made my day.

That awkward moment... (tap to see)

Few days ago google celebrated 18 years, its a bit awkward the things i asked from a minor...

Today I chmodded -R 777 /
It started blurting out permission denieds on my /proc/ dir and i aborted after staring at it for a sec. It was hella scary, almost broke a server at work. But it still works and ll / only shows 6 green dirs. *Awkward laugh* 🙄

That awkward moment...

... when someone tells you that they have found an amazing technique for a common problem and you are like:

"erhm... I was already using that for years... I thought you knew it too..."

Just finished another conference call. Broken voices, confusing accents and awkward silences. How do you guys handle it?

Dat awkward moment, when you think you’re smart because you made AI that can beat first level of Super Mario Bros, but then you see Google Duplex AI

The bartender stole one euro from me. (Just didn't give me the rest of my money)

So like the awkward nerd that I am, I left and will just sulk and never go back there. I thought this was my new nook. Turns out, no more.

Sad Friday evening noises in distance.

That awkward moment when a non-technical person asks you about coding....

Do you have a few months?

That awkward moment when you had text in your clipboard, paste it and post the rant before realising you had copied the wrong text .-.

So I just realized we submitted an Android assignment containing a notification with a bunch of swear words ! The submission closed a week ago...
Here's to hoping they have a good sense of humor!..
*Awkward laugh and smile*

That awkward moment when you're only dev working on almost dead project and you start making changes in production and then move it to development servers 😬

Today I had to give the most awkward excuse to my clients for delaying my work.

"Hello, I am sorry to say this job would be a little delayed as I managed to break my MacBook charger and will not be able to get a replacement until morning. I hope you understand"

Well I certainly do hope they understand.

That awkward moment when you realize you misspelled your own name in an email. Fuk!

Most awkward video conference call?

Our department is in a 'virtual' book club, reading The Unicorn Project, and I asked..
Me: "So what similarities have you seen with the Phoenix project and projects we work on here?"
Dale: "Ha ha..sooo many. The biggest is the disconnect of managers with no clue of what goes on."
<Vice president of our department also in the book club>
VP: "Really? Dale, I'd like to know more about this."
<awkward silence with blank stares all around>
DBA: "Come on Dale...spill the beans. Got the VP right there."
Dale: "Um...nope...not going there...nope"
<Dale's screen goes black>
VP: "OK, so when Maxine asks ..."

Saw this email today from dev.to
Didn't know, they assign new account IDs by "SPAM_XXX" :/

As a legal thing at work I need to have someone verify my citizenship by filling out a form for my I-9. They ask the person for their title. My husband can’t be serious, so he put that his title is “Keeper of the Swans”.

Here’s hoping I don’t have an awkward convo with legal over the validity of verification by a man claiming the title “Keeper of the Swans”

In his _defense_, the form didn’t let him leave “Title” blank.

That awkward moment when you convert JS functionality into pure HTML CSS just to find out it's not working on IE.

That one time I was working on the Mattis quote but wrote “everyone” instead of “everybody” by mistake so started over. Awkward place to stop, I feel. Thought I’d share.

Me: I hate Windows/PHP/Gradle builds/etc

Other devRanters: Did we just became friends?

Me: friends is undefined. Please go to StackOverflow for undefined error.

*I'm still socially awkward*

That awkward feeling of not working because you don't feel productive because you are not working because you...

Bank Teller: So how was your experience in using our online banking service.
Me: (Me looking at his face in awkward way)

That moment when your StackOverflow reputation is higher than your devRant's points 😵😵

Crazy day full of challenges. Listening to dramatic music. 7 mins before end of day solve massive problem. Stand up and throw arms in air with a cheer! ... I work in an open office of 40 or so people. I got lots of weird looks. Took headphones off office was silent. Aaaaawkward

You know what's awkward? Saying "hello" in response to someone who's actually just on the phone.

You know what's worse?

Seeing the phone in their hand, and knowing they are on the phone, but they turn their head to you, make direct eye contact, and THEN say "hey".

What are you supposed to do? It's awkward either way.

That awkward moment when u look svn history to find out which idiot wrote this stupid code and u leant it was you yourself. You feel so glad you didn't go all gun blazing criticising the guy to your colleagues before ur investigation.
Lesson learnt for future ha ha ha

🤔 What if my co-workers see my rant on devRant and recognize that I'm ranting about the project that we're building together? Might be awkward *thinking

Had a new co-worker I was responsible for training. I am several years his junior, but he is working with a new language/framework I'm fluent in. Day 4 into training, he walks into my cubicle, sidles up next to me, I look up at him, he farts loudly, then (without seeming to realize what he's done) he proceeds to launch into a long-winded question about coding best practices.

If this were an isolated incident, I'd have written it off, but the dude did it again when he came to my desk and asked me to open a jar of pickles for him, and many times over during casual conversation.

Our QA team love writing really awkward bug tickets

No reproductions steps

and every time i see one appear all i can think of is this

was invited to contribute to a project. after about 60 commits in a row, multiple refactorings and several added modules it feels like having highjacked the project. the owner sits in silence. prolific but awkward.

I just saw some kids playing outside.
awkward

Dev calls are so awkward when you're waiting for everyone to join and someone insists on having a conversation

All of them. I’m just awkward.

@dfox Could we also get watches on the right hand ? I've been wearing mine on the right hand ever since I've started wearing a watch and I feel awkward wearing it on the left :)

My mate just walked out in shorts and a really short top. Damn she's drop dead gorgeous. Wish I wasn't so fucking awkward :/

That feeling when you have 2 linux distros installed on your pc but you still didn't abondon windows totally yet, its like an awkward feeling toward your ex while you are enjoying your new life but you now deep down that there is now going back.

Most Awkward code I've ever written:

echo 'document.CreateElement(..)'; in PHP.

My business partner and I started working at our new office and this other guy who was our client and provided us Internet connection for very cheap price, asked us if he can come and hangout sometimes
My partner : yeah man, any time !!
That guy : thanks man
Partner : But only when we are not that busy and don't bring any other person unless it's a woman.
Me : what !!
My partner : what ?

Waited 6h with friends for a light show to just leave 15 min before start, because I was too bored and there were way too many people... Right now enjoying with headphone and noise cancelation jazz in the train back home. Programming made me way too awkward... 😐

That awkward moment when you stay late at the office and are blaring gangster rap and the cleaning guy comes around. #thuglife 😂😂😂

I'm in the middle of migrating data of an OB-Gyne EMR to our system. Doctor is male (whoa? how? awkward?) aaaand the language is spanish T_T

medico, codigo, cefaleas, dolor,
embarazo, and etc... ?

These expressions are great, but they all look like awkward smiles

That awkward moment when you realize you haven't been editing the file you should have been.

that awkward moment when you turn on your computer to give a presentation and windows starts updating.

How do you handle working in a place with people when you're anxious and awkward af.

HR: What is Java?
Me: Ah... OOP... uhm... is a programming language... *awkward silence*... Yep, that's all
HR: Congrats, you have bombed the interview

Source: Me from few days ago ._.

That awkward moment when you tell your friends a programming joke and realize instantly that none of them is a programmer.

Modifying a depracated wordpress theme with visual composer does not make you a developer. Doing so does not give you the authority to scope development projects. it just sets everyone up for a really awkward, potentially insulting, conversation.

First Post must be seems to be awkward at this place but it is my first post.
"Sometimes inner me says all this coding related stuff might be getting old day by day
//Generally after watching a sci fi hit:/ :) "

Me: This software is so expensive!! I don’t have that kind of money!

Friend: Yeah I know, and it’s pretty much impossible to pirate! *awkward laugh* Not that I would know...

😂

After moving desks, ending up next to your manager.

The manager is there when you arrive at work, and is still there when you leave. He never seems to leave his desk, not even for lunch, except for the occasional meeting.

We never see him do anything other than work, but sometimes he joins in on personal conversations with other colleagues, which usually ends the conversation rather quickly.

These days when I go out with friends for gatherings, it feels really awkward to talk with people. Most times I don't fit in the crowd at all. I feel at home, with my laptop doing something, even procrastinating seems worthwhile when compared to this.
Does anyone feel the same way? Or, it's just a very personal thing?

Rule #1 about devRant... No names. Never know when they'll sign up, see it, and make the connection. That's gonna make for some awkward elevator silence.

Awkward, but the only possible way.
Either I didnt figure it out or shame at Apple, this is not a good way to handle this.

That awkward moment your company worker realises you just refactored his code

The awkward moment you set a new password and don't remember it anymore on the next day.

When a website designed for companies to test applicant coding skills has web site bugs....awkward...

Switching ISPs is like breaking up with somebody. You have to break the bad news to them, they ask where things went wrong and if they could’ve done anything different, and then it’s all awkward when you go return their stuff...

That awkward moment when you tell your family that you're participating in a hackintosh.

Their response: Why would you do any such thing? Hacking other people is not a good thing son.

Me: It's time to leave earth

How did you guys meet your girlfriend/wife? At work there are almost never women to talk to...

Sometimes it feel like I'm being awkward, not awkward to normal people but awkward to awkward people. Something Like double awkward. The irony is that, I fucking know I'm being super weird. I just prey for that moment to pass as soon as possible.