A place where "asap" is actually only used when necessary.

Running an Alpaca farm in rural Finland, next to some mountain creek with an oldschool water mill so I can grind flour and coffee beans.

I hated people so I tried to find solace as a nerd in technology, but tech is also fucking awful so I feel like retiring in a tranquil forest with some equally grumpy wooly animals.

If I get eaten by a bear because I'm a skimpy city boy that's OK, more epic than being found decomposing slumped over on a keyboard in the boring grey suburbs.

All of this is probably pandemic-me talking though. So sick of this concrete city with the farting cars and fat obnoxious shoppers.

I need some trees around me, and some mammals with a higher IQ than my current neighbors.

My Dream Job?

✅ 100% Remote Work.
✅ No dogshit Proprietary Stacks like Adobe Experience Manager.
✅ Reasonable Timelines.
✅ Management defers all technical decisions to you.
✅ Actually Challenging Projects.

These are my Big 5

Designing flight control systems for spacecraft sounds pretty nice.

Perfect job? Does it even exist?

We do a job because it's something others consider tedious or difficult or time consuming.

So my perfect job would be one that feels like a hobby every day and pays very well.

Something with Catgirls.

Perfect job is when sandbox and production api endpoints works the same.

Fuck all api endpoints where their sandbox works differently than the production.

Fuck all those error messages that appear only in production, despite faithfully following the documentations.

Fuck the gateways where their sandbox is more stable than the production.

Fuck the endpoints whose api parameters differ in what they accept between sandbox and production.

Fuck those manuals that does not document these diferrences.

Fuck those developers and support team who don't know how to support integrators. They don't even know how their apis work!

"What would your perfect job look like?"

I remember when I got my first 'good' job. There were all these offices that were occupied and I wondered what everyone did in them. Some ... nobody even knew. Like I couldn't find one person in the office who knew what a given person occupying an office even DID...

I thought then (and I kinda think now) it would be fun to have one of those jobs that seems accountable to nobody and everyone at the office wonders:

"What does that guy even do here!?!?!"

Granted I'd probably just come in every day and work on a lot of personal projects (dare to dream) ... with the door closed... in peace...

Perfect job? This...

This one is interesting

- 9 to 5 (including breaks) aka WLB
- Building products in my area of passion (Music, Art, or Travel)
- High paying (I don't care for those perks like free food or bean bags)
- Enough vacations without judgement
- Continuous innovation (fuck your 1830s product)
- Good social capital (teams should trust me for my decisions)
- WFH where I can opt to go in to office whenever I want (so that I can build my awesome battle rig at home)

Let's start by saying: God do I love programming and hate work!

My dream job would be a place where I get to write quality code for something that's actually useful and makes sense to people (or a group of people) without all the usual job bullshit; all the politics, fucking useless hours of meetings, the pretentious ass holes, and the useless mindless product owners with good pay to live comfortably and some organization (not being a complete disaster). It's only a dream though...

Well I got offered a position as the CTO of a local charity but the funding fell through. That job sounded pretty sweet.

Otherwise my dream is honestly not having one, like in a situation where I didn't need the money. I'd not working and basically just spend my time volunteering for stuff at my church

4 day work week, 8hours/day, great (and free) café, well defined requirements and a comfortable timeline. 30 no-questions-asked paid holidays a year. Pays more than $100k.

A nice lil hotel, family style.

People come and go when they want.

Living together in the hotel like a family - for just having people around, someone to talk, learning interesting stuff.

Cooking, baking, maybe some livestock.

Colder weather, somewhere rural.

Tops if there is no internet available and the only news you can get is via radio transmitter, so I can just shut out all the madness of the world.

A nice quiet place with a social atmosphere and friendly people. Calm and soothing.

You pay me money, I drink a shitload of beer

I have a personal project I work on. Basically, getting paid fulltime to work on that...

No meetings or bs, just me working on what I want to work on.

Debugging an old C module, committed (like a fucking crime) by some guy who really wants to show how uselessly complex stuff he could do... Fucking nightmare!
Last time I did this kind of job! If I had known his address I could have crippled him!!!

I would enjoy a position where I would have to write tons of tiny scripts for solving different logic problems. Tweak data, visualise it, pass it through different mediums. I would feel the best in research, implementing and testing different ideas, and build solutions for later use. Right now I'm on the first line at the customer site where the upcoming problems have to be solved instantly, I have the constant feeling that the thing could be much more efficient but there is no time for change, test and implement differently, so I'm not really using my full capacity on anything. I'm kind of a user of the built stuff but I feel more a developer. At the other end I'm satisfied and this is the best job I ever had :)

Something involving dogs, deer, or sky

i get on calls, tell devs what to do and slack off for the rest of the day just to earn my salary at the end of the month

The decision making freedom of my current job. But with a team of tech people rather than just my stupid self managing all tech. And with a competent boss who isn't also the CEO and HR person for the company

Perfect job would be work life balance.
Colleagues are helpful.
The existing project are having clean architecture and code structure that won’t confuse developer at all.

Something with dogs or sky

(0. First off, being a job I'd like — native software development that is — and not having to default to some boring backend job because "mUh WeB's EvRyThInG TodAy")
1. If the commute isn't too long I have no much problem working in office I think, but I want this to be clear: you let me work with the tools I want. Things like CI are understandably imposed, but let me choose whatever IDE/editor, Git client, etc.
Otherwise off to work from home where no one can check
2. Not having assholes colleagues (obnoxious, stupid, interrupting…)
3. A decent pay. Not high or minimum, just what I'm worth
4. Not drowning in meetings. I want to take part to them to clarify some things and understand what's going on, but I don't think I need more than 2 a day. Ah, and let me tell what's wrong if there's anything
5. Be basically respected. I don't want to be overvalued, that can be embarrassing, but I don't want my work to be completely ignored

Get paid to sleep...
At least I would have a reason to