Interviewer: So, we were researching you online and came across your devRant profile.

Me: Ok, I'll see myself out. Thanks.

Today I discovered that we have a CSV export button for an order transaction system, on a page which is completely disconnected from the rest of the website.

It is only being called by an internal server, used by our Data department.

They run selenium to click the button.

Then they import the CSV into a database.

That database is accessed by an admin panel.

That admin panel has an excel export button.

Which is clicked by our CFO. But he got bored of clicking, so he uses IFTTT to schedule a download of the XLS and import it in Google Sheets.

That sheet uses a Salesforce data connector.

Marketing then sends email campaigns based on that Salesforce data...

😒

So a recruiter called me for the Mobile App Dev position just to asked me wether I am familiar with "CODING IN XML"?

I was like if xml is consider a programming language, json will be too.

People who say "hi" on slack and then take 50 years to say what they actually want to say.

People who sit on the table beside yours to play games on their phones.

People who call you dad.

People.

Someone, I have no idea who, commented on my personal project that he wanted to pick up one of the issues.

Then, he followed through and fixed it and sent a PR.

Feels good man.

Recruiter: "Do you have at least 5 years of experience with Angular?"
Me: "No, barely half a year"
Recruiter: "Then why did you get in touch with me?"
Me: "You were the one calling me [you moron]"

sad but reality

tiktokers create cring content and earn lots of money.

open source contributors create technology which is maintaining world but earn far less.

how can we expect bright future?

I get to sleep with the hot secretary...

i.e. my wife

No freaking pants!

passionately making love on Friday morning.

Cellphone buzzes for WhatsApp notification, ignored.
Call ignored, SMS ignored, again call, ignored.

She : whose that bitch calling you?
Me : it's no one important.
She : Checks WhatsApp, message from CTO, server crashed.
Me : Umm, darling, I need to fix this.

It's been 2 days she hasn't answered my call after she left.

Quite happy with myself, I just made a 60 line backup script that takes in a super simple JSON file and backs up your files in multiple formats. Attached to a cron job and boom. 60 line home baked backup solution

So True...

To the cunt who named himself "Uncaught ReferenceError: username is not defined":
Sincerely, fuck you.

We love you Win7

Boss: if I could put together a counter offer, is that something you might be interested in?

Me: eh, no. I’ve accepted an offer for slightly less money than I’m on

Boss: oh ... oh ok. Right so there’s nothing I can do?

Me: afraid not. You can’t offer me a role not dealing with those people in the states, having to use their shitty custom tools or having to follow their bad practises all day.

Boss: ok ..... shit

So this other senior dev got seriously ill a couple of weeks ago and the project he was working on was assigned to me. His code was so aesthetic, loved his work, the structured code helped me a lot in meeting the deadlines. He returned a few days back and now the company has given him two weeks notice because "his pace is slow". I am frustrated, PM is frustrated. The guy is such a gem that he is still helping with all the new requirements client is throwing at us.

*came in this morning to see this conversation in slack from the remote teams*

Dev: Hey guys, I'm trying to push to the develop branch, telling me its locked. Is there a new process?

Lead dev: Yes I locked it because the repo is now dead, the last release that went out is the last for this year and ever for this app. Were merging this app with another, starting from the last release's code. We'll all have to swap over to the new repo soon.

Dev: ... eh ok I didn't put anything in the last release branch as it wasn't urgent. Normally our process is anything in /develop goes out in the new year. I've been merging to /develop for the last few weeks ... is that code now gone?
*14 question mark emoji reactions*

Lead dev: Yes
*27 angry emoji reactions*

Engineering manager: WHAT? when was this decided? When was it communicated?

Lead dev: oh I assumed my product counterpart had been spreading the messages around, have they not?

Several teams: no, nope, first i'm hearing of it.

Lead dev: Ok, i'll ask them what happened. Be aware then that most of the stuff thats going into develop now, most likely won't be allowed in until March. They want to prioritise releasing this new merged app and don't want anything to impact it.

Dev: So wait, i'm working on stuff now. What do I do? Where do I base the branch? Where do I merge?

<no response>

*My team comes into the office*

Dev: eeehhh ... what does this mean for our past 4 weeks of work? and all the stuff needed to go out in January?

Me: not.a.fucking.clue

Spooky

Last monday I just ask my boss to add our intern number to office group

Today on my science test they asked, "There is an animal in a cage, how would you find out if it is a bird or a mammal?"

a. compare it to the characteristics of birds and mammals

b. see if it has a beak

c. look at it's droppings

d. open the cage and see if it flies out

Out of all the questions, d is the most reliable.

Me and my dev boyfriend went camping the other day in the middle of nowhere in Chile. Before entering the campsite we agreed no dev talk on the hike and then the moment we arrive we get the 0th tent platform. We looked at each other and chuckled our way into the tent 😂
#relationshipGoals

New boss: So, you'll do just some coding, we just need to restructure current DB.
Me: Ok

One month later...
Boss: So, we are creating new LMS in WORDPRESS (yeah, fcking wordpress) so you'll do this and that and...
Me: Oh, well I like challenges so let's see.

Another month later...
Boss: WE NEED OFFLINE MOBILE APP THAT WILL DOWNLOAD WHOLE FUCKING WP WITH EVERY SINGLE VIDEO AND EVERYTHING AND STUDENT WILL LEARN FROM THAT. WE ARE OPENING IT IN ONE MONTH.

damn this is brilliant

I'm starting to think that the quality of my day is directly correlated to the amount of times I say "fuck". Today I said and shouted that word for about 100 times.

FUCK!

PM wants to integrate a new library to our application. I spend a week prototyping a demo only to be informed that this integration already exists in the application.

Mfw

So I was being a noob as usual and was trying to install Java on a Linux distro. I left my computer on for > 2 hours thinking it was just taking it's time. Little did I know, the terminal I pasted the command into was already running a process that froze. So it didn't even attempt to install. 😤

Email: yourname@gmail.com
Facebook: yourname
Twitter: @yourname
LinkedIn: Dr. Your Name
GitHub: BloodNinjaHunterxx200

rip cubeworld.
released and already about 70% of reviews negative

I walk into the kickoff meeting today. The first part of this project had 5 developers and a project manager. Former project manager handled communication and sheltered us from bullshit. We built an amazing piece of software in a very short time. Customers were so amazed that they decided to reboot the project, boost the funding by several million, and let us go again. They specifically requested the same team.

Now the team looks like this: the neediest tester guy, a UX lady that doesn't have any UX background, an agile "visionary", a project manager that doesn't understand how development works, a solutions architect, 3 COTS platform specialists, a devops specialist, and an account lead. They have booked all kinds of workshops and other shit to kick things off.

So development capacity is only 60% of what it was. Management ratio was 1:5 before. Now the management ratio is 9:3. The new project manager thinks developers should be on more customer calls and responding to all customer emails during sprints. We already built this system and devops pipelines end to end. The COTS people, solutions architect, or the UX person can't program. They want us to magically convert this custom application into one based on COTS. What we need to do is make the rest of the business processes that we omitted, integrate known feedback, rework the backend, build better automated testing, improve logging and reporting, add another actor to the system, add a different authentication method, and basically work through the massive backlog.

How do they think this is going to work? Do they think we can download a custom engineered enterprise grade software system from Microsoft and double click all the way to customer satisfaction? The licenses alone are too much for the customer on an ongoing cost basis. I guess we can discuss it during the agile team-building weekend at some remote lake that the team "visionary" has set up. For the sake of fuck.

Like development isn't hard enough. Hire two more developers and lose all of the dead weight. Get a project manager that won't let the trivial shit roll down on us. What the fuck.

How, how can I be sooooo bad sometimes.
I just discovered “Alias” feature of C#.
Let’s say you have 2 enums with the same name (Let’s say MyAwsomeEnum) in 2 different namespaces.
In this case I was always full qualifying the name.
I was today years old when I discovered “using MyAwsomeEnum = <Fully qualified name>” in the using section.

Edit : Even worse. It's like 3d example in official doc

https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/...
/facepalm on my self