Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me:...... you don't see it? 😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me: 😞☹️

"I will go to sleep after i fix this bug" 10min later I look outside, North Korea and the USA are fighting a nuclear war, russia invaded europe, hitler rose from the death and there's even more javascript frameworks

For those who don't know, this is how Apple pictures a PC in the network, a CRT display with blue-screen-of-death!

Holding the power button to shut down your computer feels like you're choking someone to death.

Fixing interface with "temporary" solution
PS: please hide it from electricians (even hobbyist). It can scary them to death.

I almost died crossing the street today.
I saw all the code i ever wrote pass before my eyes.

was just watching "Maze Runner Death Cure"
Ubuntu, Atom, Htop and sudo apt-get update

HACKER BIAATCH

and the guy in front of the computer : "We got a signal"

If a programmer owns a death note :

writes an asterisk * and the world would just end like that

Why code review is important.

Life of a web developer:

*Birth*
*Create awesome looking websites*
*Make them look bad on clients request*
*Death*

The Android guys at Google take care of the developers and their use case scenarios.
Like when they have to make an app that works on Jupiter.
Or on the Death Star.

I love the feeling of closing a ton of tabs after finally fixing a bug.

Definitely gonna try this on a co-worker one day.

There once was a dev who was a believer,
that the best IDE was Dreamweaver!
He argued with zest,
That drag and drop was best;
So I murdered him to death with a cleaver.

Filled with rage

Click new rant in browser

Rant until I run out of characters

Hands have not experienced such fatigue since puberty

Death-grip my mouse

Trembling, aiming for the big red Post button

10 pixels too low

Fuck

do I need to say something else😂 for the largest blue screen of death

The death I want ...

Watching Netflix alone when gf asks if she can join, or preferrably inner join.

I love this girl to death 😍

I have decided to never write commits.

I will never write documentation.

I will write my code in the most confusing way possible.

I will include useless code.

I will always git commit with the message "asdfghjkl" or "HAHA LOLZ I DONT NOW WAT I WOROTEEE"

I will work at Apple.

I am xenophobic.

I will leave the company right before we push to production.

I will make so many friends.

"Oh haha I found out why your PC isn't turning on, you forgot to turn on the power switch!"

*flick*

Blue Screen Of Death v2!
How many agree?

Have you guys ever seen a YSOD? (yellow screen of death)

Me neither, until now...

My chewing algorithm needs improvement. Almost choked eating a fucking kebab.

I was totally in the zone earlier.

Plenty of caffeine, plenty of anger thanks to idiots, rocking out to Amon Amarth and Disturbed, and chewing through a difficult logic problem. It was wonderful.

Then.

Then there was a mandatory all-hands meeting. A mandatory meeting entirely consisting of someone doing a (admittedly decent) presentation on very basic marketing. (Basic as in "This is what ROI is." 🙄) It lasted for about 40 minutes, totally killing my zone and butchering my productivity. I've barely gotten anything done the rest of the day, thanks to that.

On the bright side, I worked out the logic on stickies during the talky-people bits. Maybe I'll be able to write it tomorrow.

Programmer's life

Recruiter: Tell me why are you passionate about what we do!
Dev: I enjoy not starving to death...

Some kid : Can you make me live forever?

Me : 😨😨😨

Dutch developers talk about life and death alarmingly often... Until you realize they actually mean "live" and "dev".

It's not that I hate PHP, I just hate the lack of consistency in standard function naming and parameter order, nonsensical attribute access, nearly-meaningless comparison operators, reference handling, case (in)sensitivities, and more!

I mean, look at these functions:
strtoupper(...)
bin2hex(...)
strtolower(...)

And look at THESE FUNCTIONS:
array_search($needle, $haystack)
strpos($haystack, $needle)

array_filter($array, $callable)
array_map($callback, $array)
array_walk($array, $callable)

And let me jUST USE SOME ATTRIBUTES:
$object->attr = "No dollar sign...";
Class::$attr = "GOD WHY";

HOW ABOUT SOME COMPARISONS:
(NULL == 0) // true
(NULL < -1) // ALSO true

Functions AREN'T CASE SENSITIVE (at least variables are).

Wanna dereference? TOO BAD, YOU'LL HAVE TO GET OUT THE TNT.

Alright, yeah, I hate PHP.

You can't imagine how many lines of pure and utter horseshit, seemingly written in PHP, I had to dig through this whole weekend. (relating to my 2 previous rants)

How is it even possible to write code this unbelievably ugly?

Examples:
- includes within loops
- included files use variables from parent files
- start- and endtags separated to different files
- SQL queries generated by string concatenation, no safety measures at all (injection)
- repeating DB calls within loops
- multiple directories with the same code (~40 files), only different by ~8 lines, copied
- a mixture of <?php echo ... ?> and <?= ... ?>
- a LOT of array accesses and other stuff prefixed with "@" (suppress error messages)
- passwords in cleartext
- random non-RESTful page changes with a mixture of POST and GET
- GET parameters not URL-encoded
- ...

My boss told me it took this guy weeks and weeks of coding to write this tool (he's an "experienced dev", of course WITHOUT Git).

Guess what?
It took me only 20 hours and about 700 lines of code.

I must confess, since this task, I don't hate PHP anymore, I just simply hate this dev to death.

Addendum: It's Monday, 5:30am. Good night. 😉

A recruiter called today.

A new job proposal. Higher salary, manage some 5 men team, DevOps buzzwords, cool product, great conditions but then she says "and we're working only in Windows environment".

My ears ringed "only in windows env".. "only windows"... "windooowwssss".

"Nope, thanks, have a good day!" - hung up.

I have a lifetime membership to Lumosity. Not just do they know my time of death, but with auto renewal turned on I have confirmation of reincarnation. At least once, then existence is null.

The death count is a bit high though

Life of an IT guy

1.Born
2.Shall I share my screen?. Are you able to see my screen?
3.Death

Are you fu....

When your cornflakes suggest you death... I think it’s time to make decisions.

What's the meaning of death?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.

-42

JavaScript will die a horrible death. That's my dream anyway.

Am I the only here who get so much PUSSY when encountering bugs in code?
P - panic attacks
U - uncontrollable anxiety
S - suicidal fantasies
S - sadness
Y - yearning to death

I went on an interview was given an algorithm to solve, solved it in 30 mins and they had allocated 20 mins for it. So I guess I suck. I build shit, I don't do algos that often so I'm obviously rusty.

interviewer: so why should we hire you over a CS graduate.

me: cause I can get shit done.

... akward silence

interviewer: what do you mean by that? like html and CSS?

me: as you can see, I have built large scale real-time web apps with React/Redux (the stack they supposedly use and the position they're hiring for!) the knowledge I have is practical, it can't be learned from books, and it can't be learned from a course. Only building, breaking and rebuilding over time will teach you this knowledge. So essentially a CS grad, who hasn't committed the same amount of hours as I have, can't possibly match me. But they probably can better explain the real world applications of using linked lists...and won't have to Google what Pascal's triangle is like I had to....

interviewer: I see. we will be in touch.

lol well I guess they'll be in touch..

I don't think so....

Just saw a blue screen of death In the top of a taxi cab. Had no idea these kind of signs were running Windows. Why are so many companies buying licenses for Windows when they could so easily use Linux ?

Why I love head first books

My first blue/green screen in 5 years of using windows :o

And I got it while shutting down my PC

Well..........................................

White screen of death

36 degrees celsius here....

I'm dying...

You?

Have any of you ever feel like chocking your client to death

Judge : I sentence you to the maximum punishment....
Me : ( whispering) please be death , please be death...
Judge : learn javascript
Me : Damn !!

So I started new job, full js dev but new project requires python backend. 0 prior python exp but ready to lean and learn. Got my first assignment. Supportive coworkers made me a death clock counter

For fucks sake, windows! 😵

If you could get rid of one tech company who would it be..

Mine would be apple - fuck apple

elementor.com, wix.com, fuck this shit. These guys want our death. Nowday customers think "building web site is just drag and drop."

I just found this example in our school book. Should I be worried? (My teacher wrote the book BTW)

How to solve windows Blue Screen Of Death.

Change the color to Green. No more BSOD. :/

When the stupid client is unable to explain the requirements correctly the first time and drops a frickin bomb 3 days before the deadline and boss still want to "meet" the deadline.

Me: "if this goes on, I will be dead on the line by the deadline"

So fucking correct, word by word,

FFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK
I updated my entire system yesterday and shut down my PC.
Booted up today, greeted by the blinking cursor of death.
Already tried installing grub again, hoping it boots up now.
Wish me luck. :(

Adobe flash, why are you not dead yet. Fucking death trap

Too many tabs are open.
Firefox is now unresponsive.
:/

I (and many devs might too) need some advice.

Well, I'm happy and sad at the same time :) :(
I'm so happy because finally I can put a floor pet on my avatar. I put my yellow favorite cat (its name is "Güero/Blondie"). On the other hand, I'm so sad because last week, my stupid and drug addict neighbor poisoned my cat :'( (not the yellow one, it was a gray cat. I'm 90% sure that he did it, he tried to do it last year). I know that it was only a cat, but I felt terribly all the past week, I couldn't even think or code. Fortunately it was the ending of the sprint and my code was successfully tested, so I didn't have to code, only trying not to cry at the office.

What would you do in this situation? I mean, those days when you feel like sh*t but you need to go to work and finish the code.

You've perhaps heard of Blue Screen Of Death in Windows. But how about GREEN screen of death?

Driver issues goddammit.

Every time someone gets the "blue screen of death"

When I die, I want the R.I.P on my tombstone mean something different
Recursion Investigator Program

On my computer, there will be a file with that name
and when you decompile it to assembly
it will tell my life story in assembly

this will be a death propper for an assembly programmer

How death comes...

IE is finally Dead. On all the sites I can see stats for it's below 10℅ and on most closer to 5℅. Edge is at about 2℅. It's irrelevant! Rejoice!

With all these posts about the death of Steven Hawkings there's one thing which may be overlooked:

LETSENCRYPT WILDCARDS ARE LIVE !!!!!!!

(No offense to Steven Hawkings. He truly was one of the greatest scientists of mankind.)

chaosbot/chaos github repo looks like a London underground map.

Also, if you haven't seen this yet, it is a new project where code is updated by the community democratically.

Go give it a devrant hug of death.

When your company doesn't offer free coffee and yet they still can't understand why all their deadlines run late.

Java makes me want to kill myself. It probably would be extinct if the rise of android hadn't snapped it from the jaws of death... one can dream.

"WTF? These records should have been inserted into the table!"
...Hours of checking code, trying to figure out how this is possible, can't find a way to have this scenario happen...
...Add additional debug and troubleshooting code, add more verbose logging, redeploy to all the containers, reset all the tables, many apologies to the boss for the delay....
...Co-worker comes in: "oh, hey, sorry, accidently deleted some stuff from the database last night before i left."

Poor indentation will be the death of me

When your rubber ducks keep drowning in the code you show them after a few minutes....

Is it normal to deploy a 5.6MB main.css file?

Last week I had to change some shizzle on a website (externally developed).
Well, I was quite shocked...

We usually deploy a single stylesheet under 700 kB.
But also because we never use CSS "frameworks".

You know you're in for some nostalgic melodic death metal, when the video has a 4:3 ratio. 😊

The most awaited death happens. The death of 2016!

My fellow devRanters, have a peaceful and a blessed new year. And if you are single, just like me, let our streak end this year! Haha!

*saw monster hunter expansion trailer

Me: preorder a deluxe edition

*saw death stranding trailer

Me: preorder another deluxe edition

My wallet:

Today at work I saw 2 tech guys (Russians) that tried to fix an audio system at my hospital clinic.

The PL-3.5 cable was unable to transfer any sound to the speakers from the secretary PC.

So they tried to plug it into one of their phones, to rule out the possibility that it is because of the PC headphones plug.

(The speaker volume currently is on *maximum* btw)

1st guy said "Let's play something nice and relaxing, so the patients (mostly old people) won't get an heart attack"
The 2nd ask "So what should I search in YouTube?"
Then the 1st said "Metallica"

SQL Queries built up using string concatenation.

Death is too kind.

So after 5 years you finally show your face..the blue screen of death! And this shit is stuck for past 30 mins.

"Time to listen to some music"
* Puts on headphones and searches my favorite death metal *
* No sound *
"Silly me, I muted it"
* Unmute *
* 108% death metal brainfucking me from both ears *

I think I lost 5 years worth of hearing this instant

"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
~Javascript

... no longer on call. Am on hour 12 of a call that has a few more hours to go and have handled 3 others today. Coworker is on hour 36 of a cal with possibly 24 more to go. And 3rd is finally eating as he missed meals all day for more calls than i can count. Who the fuck decided they hate us and want us to die these deaths????

Sometimes I get frustrated so I grab a decommissioned computer and take it to the roof, then I watch it plummet 4 stories to it's death.

On a completely unrelated note......Love Death and Robots is on Netflix and shit is sooo good it ain't funny.

10/10 would recommend.

Just started working with FHIR for medical records... This should be fun... 😢

When you accidentally run " rm -rf * " in the directory containing ALL you projects, not in the directory of a single project.

That's right. You just encountered THE DEATH STAR.

Ok dudes, theres something id like to get a bit of help with.

So lately ive always been struggeling with this constant fear of dying that makes me overthink everything.

Im not afraid of the pain or the experience of dying. Im afraid of the meaninglessness of my life before (the current one)

I know that we are just animals, yet i cannot get over this creeping feeling of the unknown

I know what i am going to do with all of the physics i am forced to study in a computer engineering and science degree.

How legal is it to build a death ray ! ?

The blue screen of death.. now twice in a week 😨😨

Suggest me to use vim for a Java application again and I am going to strangle you to death

Cause of death: PHP.

So we have an API that my team is supposed send messages to in a fire and forget kind of style.

We are dependent on it. If it fails there is some annoying manual labor involved to clean that mess up. (If it even can be cleaned up, as sometimes it is also time-sensitive.)

Yet once in a while, that endpoint just crashes by letting the request vanish. No response, no error, nothing, it is just gone.

Digging through the log files of that API nothing pops up. Yet then I realize the size of the log files. About ~30GB on good old plain text log files.

It turns out that that API has taken the LOG EVERYTHING approach so much too heart that it logs to the point of its own death.

Is circular logging such a bleeding edge technology? It's not like there are external solutions for it like loggly or kibana. But oh, one might have to pay for them. Just dump it to the disk :/

This is again a combination of developers thinking "I don't need to care about space! It's cheap!" and managers thinking "100 GB should be enough for that server cluster. Let's restrict its HDD to 100GB, save some money!"

And then, here I stand trying to keep my sanity :/

Bad documentation should be punishable by death

Anybody else feeling it after Chester Bennington's death recently? I'm nearly 30 years old, so I listened to him a lot through my teenage years. Linkin Park was practically my favorite band back then. I'm pretty bummed out man. 😔

Damn.

Windows strikes again!

Just got a new monitor (HKC NB34C) and connected it to my PC (which didn't have a monitor at the time)

The first thing I see is a green screen of death because of a power outage during a Windows insiders update.

I've decided to look positively at my life. Eve ry morning, I am one day closer to death. How good is that?

Translation: Husband who's addicted to video game, stabbed to death by wife.

When i heard about declaring video game addiction being a disease, i thought they meant it was because people died..but not like this!😂🤣😂

I like, that many code hosting sites are shutting down (Google Code, Codeplex). This does not mean those sites are bad.
The ones I like and use are GitHub, GitLab, Bitbucket (and most personal ones like Gogs or GitLab CE).

Here is my list of the sites I don't like:
- Sourceforge
- SF
- sf.net
- sourceforge.net

Storytime!

I got a ticket near the end of the day, asking to install a printer on a computer. The branch in question was in a different time zone (I'm in US-Pacific [GMT-07] and the computer was in US-Eastern [GMT-04]). I figured I wouldn't worry about it; after all, I had other tickets to work on that were much higher priority.

The next day I come into work and immediately get a message from one of my East Coast coworkers, telling me that this branch is calling and asking how the printer is coming. I told him to tell them I would call them a bit later. I do a couple of easy jobs and then begrudgingly call the branch. I listen to the phone tree that they have (which requires two button presses instead of one in order to speak with someone) and finally get in contact with a person... only to have the call disconnect.

I call back and ask for the person who called in the ticket and then followed up, who had apparently gone to lunch. I informed the person that I was just going to install the printer and it would be good to go. This would be fine... up until she mentioned she needed scanning functionality.

Now I wasn't sure if the driver we have in AD is set up with the scan functionality, so I said okay, but that meant I would have to get the driver from the website. The connection to our branches are about 1Mbps, so even downloading Java updates (60-ish MB) take about 5-10 minutes on a good day. The file for this printer was about 700MB (thanks HP). So I went and did other stuff while that downloaded.

I come back after it finished and started the install process. Right away it asks to re-seat the USB cable. So I call the branch. The call disconnects. I call again. It disconnects. I call one more time, and finally get the person who called the ticket in. I instruct him to re-seat the cable. He does. The driver starts doing its thing. I tell him I'll call back if I run into any issues and we hang up.

The driver goes through the install process for about 20 minutes, stops at 99%, then fails. I want to restart the computer, just in case there's a conflict somewhere, but that would require calling the store again, so I put it off.

About an hour later I get a message from another East Coast coworker, telling me the branch is calling about the printer again. I was in the middle of another call and said I would call back later. I do. It disconnects. I call again, and get the person who called the ticket in again. I tell him I want to restart the computer, but wasn't sure if it was okay. He checks with the people using it, who says it's okay, so I reboot. I hang up.

Once the computer comes back up I start the install process again. It asks to re-seat the cable. Fuck. I don't want to call the store again, so I open notepad and say "Please take out the printer's USB connection from the back of the computer."

Three. Fucking. People. Saw it. They moved the window and one even tried to close it, but they didn't re-seat the cable. I opened another window, telling them to call me at my number. They didn't. I called them. Got disconnected. I called them again, finally got someone, told them to re-seat the printer cable again. They do, thank god.

I say thank you and hang up. Continue the installer. It stops at 99% again and fails. I reboot the computer; screw it, I'm just going to install the driver from Active Directory. Check Devices and Printers. It's installed successfully. Hallelujah!

I get the printer set up for the various programs they use and print a test page. I call them one last time; their phone system sounding like they were connected via an underwater line connected by tin cans. I get someone.

$me: Hi, I want to know if the printer has printed something.

$them (garbled): -et me shee... yesh, it -rint-d a *beezelborp*.

$me: Perfect, I'm going to close this ticket! Thanks, goodbye! *hangs up*

tl;dr - I hate printers

my first blue screen of death 💙 (hopefully is not mine, i found it at the metro station)

My experience playing death stranding, [minor gameplay spoiler]

"What are you doing?"

Picking up some cargo

"Where are you going?"

Delivering those cargo

"What are they doing?"

Trying to steal my cargo

"What are you doing now?"

Building some infrastructures

"Oooh cool, what is it for?"

So I can deliver my cargo more efficiently

"You're carrying firearms?"

Yep, to protect myself

"From those who tried to steal your cargo?"

Nope, from BTs

"What is BTs?"

It's those floating ghost-like creatures

"I'm confused"

Me either

My grandmother started dating soon after granddad's death.
Death of Grandpa: fuser -k 80/tcp
Announcement to all programs, port 80 is now free

Why???

Sometimes I wish I could work in an anechoic chamber, alone.
Big open offices can be a fucking pain in the butthole.
Phone ringing here, stupid chatter there, clattering keys and noisy Intel™ stock coolers.
Even 9 hours with over ear headphones, blasting a fresh breeze of technical death metal, can't cover up those distacting noisy cunts.

How do you cope with that?

me: oh im not really afraid of anything

*sees the blue screen of death*
also me: okay,, i guess i am afraid of something...

Green screen of death x.x

class Life extends Death{
public static void main(String...args){
Guy me = new Guy();
me.born();
GirlFriend gf = new GirlFriend();
me.setGirlFriend(gf);
me.getMarried();
me.haveSon();
me.die();
}
}

------- Exception on line 5: NullPointerException, girlfriend cannot be null ---

Daaamnn

Well, my best friend passed away last week, he was 19 years old, a techie and a plane hobbyist, today, his mom called me and asked for help recovering his password on his windows 10 laptop

im going there tomorrow with my full arsenal of equipment required, do you have any suggestions what could be usefull?

my neighbour's life..

birth
hey please fix my laptop
death

Hate it when I spend more time on documentation than actual coding. I know documentation is for our own good. It still annoys me to death.

When I was in school, I could walk as long as I wanted. Only my unwillingness to do so could stop me.

Now I don't even care about my unwillingness, but I can't walk as long as I want anymore – my legs hurt and just stops moving. The spasm won't go away easily and I have to wait for it to stop.

When I was in school, I could learn as much as I wanted. Only my unwillingness to do so could stop me.

Now I don't even care about my unwillingness, but I can't learn as much as I want anymore – my brain just stops absorbing information. I can see letters but I can't read words.

My body slowly decay. By the age of 21, I have two abdominal surgeries, joint and bone issues, clinically diagnosed depression, the food I eat won't digest without pills and much more to handle. If the pain is what stops me now I could only imagine the next step when I don't even care about pain just like I don't care now about my unwillingness.

On the other hand the realization of my own mortality was extremely liberating. Yes, my body slowly decomposes and needs to be fixed here and there but at least I know that my personality heavily depends on some fluids inside my body. I know that I have limited amount of fucks to be given.

I slowly lose my health over time but I gain something more and I gain faster than I lose. I don't care about things like indents or JS trailing semicolons anymore – I just build and ship viable products over weekends. I almost never argue and enforce my vision inside the team I manage as a teamlead.

Yes, I'm depressed and not productive but depression would go away and my confidence is here to stay. I'm here to earn just enough money to buy a house and launch my own small projects that wouldn't require that much time to provide me with basic needs.

Everyone I see is fighting a hard battle. I'm here to end mine.

Finally my package has arrived,

Time to replay the game

Trying to install Vagrant like

Trying to solve complex problems requiring a focussed mind is hard when it's hotter in the office than outside. And outside it hit 30℃ today.

"...I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."

First day at work, my PC starts updating, reboots and suddenly, the boot partition is corrupt.
Nice way to start in Dev.

Onthisday in 1912, brilliant Codebreaker, genius computer scientist, Alan Turing was born.
As we remember his remarkable life, and tragic death.

Almost 9 PM, death march still going, at least drinks are free and flat food (pizza) provided

Hello everyone. I just got a blue screen of death and I am not pissed

Learning Java < Death.

The penalty is death

DEPRESSION TRIGGER WARNING

Every once in a while, I feel depressed.

From who am i, where am i questions to what will i do in the future to sustain myself...

But what hits me so hard every single time is what will happen if i die...

So i disappear

From here.

As if i never wake up again from my sleep

It is like

Gone

I don't know how to explain but..

It terrifies me

Think about it

You... Poof!

Gone

From this world

And if you have no kids,well,

Gone. Completely

.......

G.O.N.E.

I'm the bone of my project
Steel is my brain and fire is my eye
I have created over a thousand bugs
Unknown to people, Solve by death.
Have withstood pain to create many function
Yet, those bugs will never be solved
So as I pray, Unlimited Hope Works

Vista means Death -IT crowd

Here's a thought!

Our bodies are mortal. And they are like flowers: they grow, blossom at their best and then begin their slow degradations, deaths.

Our mind is what seems to be the essence of _us_.

Now suppose someone finds a way to copy our minds into some tech so they could survive our bodies' deaths. Making us sort of immortal. Sounds cool, eh?

But that would make a copy of your mind. You would still be stuck in your mortal body while your copy would be immortal. Would you be happier to die knowing that it's YOU who is dying and not your copy, rather than dying w/o leaving a copy of you behind? Is a copy of you still YOU?

It could be YOU for others. But is it YOU for you?

Those fucking cunts that put href="javascript:..." links, where a simple URL would suffice, deserve a horrible death

Each day we are 1 day closer to death

*fire alarm in dev office*

- git add
- git commit
- git push
- flee to safety

When you find this in the PHP code:

if(condition) {
// code
} else {
die('horrible death');
}

Cheers to the fellow devRanter who added it and also to whoever is going to get to "else" part :D

BUY NOW

Not tech related, but out of pure interest: Who else is into deathmetal, deathcore, slam death metal, black metal etc ? \m/

I'm pissed off as fuck. By far these were the worst fucking 2 weeks in a very long time.

My grandma died. At work I had to do shitty tasks and IT support for stupid end users, like an overpayed PC technician. I couldn't find any time to write a single line of code on any of my personal projects.

And I still can't find a fucking developer job. I feel like I'm stuck in this IT hell forever.

Kill me

If you said “I like webpack” when I said “Fuck Webpack.” I have downvoted your comment.

Keep your satanism in your own corner, we will stay here in our universe without people like you who enjoy pain and internal death.

After the end of Sprint, well, the QA people came up with this defect ( mind it 'defect' ) : "The exclamation mark is not very red" [ sic ]

Cancer died a death that moment.

When you are a developer and you see something like this..

Just another day with Windows...

P.S. I have Linux dual booted already.
Time to go 100% Linux, I guess :-)

So... How do people screen shot windows blue screen of death?

Whoever invented popup ads that move to expand or close as you either try to close them or move away from them...you are the bane of my existence currently and I wish you the most slow and painful death 😑😑😤😤🖕🖕

Evening of wrestling, death metal and alcohol. Didn't think about development or work not even once. Evening of relaxing.

Good fucking job you stupid fucking nutjobs of representives!

Go suck on the music corporations tiny veiny dirty cock and choke to death!

Build death star

So, have you all got your HTTPS protocols in order yet? Aren't you existed about the future?

Sincerely, Google

Do you remember how they say, you won't notice how much you miss something, until it's gone? Well this Island (Guadeloupe) is as beautiful as it can be! However the internet connection sucks. Big time!

Plus the humidity killed my laptop (or at least part of the keyboard including the keys I need for the partition unlock, which means no laptop until I'm home and replaced the keyboard.

I didn't bring it for work but to be able to look up stuff, maybee write some (non dev) stuff and such...

But to be honest since this vacation is so relaxing, I'm not even really mad. Strange.

Being known as the techy one in school can be a death trap, I'm now being made hold a talk on internet safety

Developer's life:
1. Birth
2. Oh! Forgot the semicolon(;)
3. Death

May all 777 fucktards be butt-raped till death.

Why is almost every Wordpress Theme company I know just a bunch of wrecked mushroom addict assholes! Please for gods sake just get your damn documentation right and stop sticking your heads into your colleagues asses when someone is asking for support.

The next time you receive 49 bucks for nothing you dipshit think of me how I stick my fist into your ass!

Fucking morons!

No one is getting any movies today

If I have to hear chocolatey, Choco, nuget, or coded ui much more, I'm going to vomit up my spleen.

Give me *nix or give me death.

I’m not sure if I like my software development teacher using my code for examples to show the other students. Sometimes I get the “oh that’s nice” and other times I get the death stare”🤔

I hate when theres simple problems I cant solve. Legit pisses me off. I cant even program a simple number sorting algorithm. 🤬

Oh my god. I woke up and read stan lee was rushed to the hospital. I was actually feeling horribly sad and then I read that he was in stable condition and was like heck yeah!!! No one taking him yet.

Contex: Working on a c++ frankenstein code (mixture of legacy and new stuff whith things depending on the client using it)

User Story: Migration from oracle to SQLite for half of the DB data

Summoner: One client wants to keep using legacy for now, therefore we need an strategy chooser templated singleton...

Satan 666 = Singletons + Static methods + Different compilation units

Result: 3/4 of the files of the full backend being modified for the migration.

Conclusion: When will be loaded on production company will probably lose many clients due to unspected bugs everywhere.

Insert potato here

!dev
This boring story with stupid ending started on Monday with me going out to buy some food and cook something delicious, day like always until my mind went nuts.

I work from home and cook my meals by myself cause I love cooking.
To buy ingredients I go shopping couple times a week always making the same steps, doing this for over a year now and by this time everything was automatic so I could think about work problems and solutions.

I start usually by getting up from my desk around noon, not many people doing shopping at that time and I can proceed quick.
Algorithm is like this: go to kitchen and look at the fridge, go out, wait for traffic lights, take tram, ride two stops, wait for the traffic lights again, go to supermarket, do shopping and finally go back the same way. Boooring.

When I get out from tram that day l looked at traffic lights to go green, as always and that’s the place where everything started to go bad.

So I was waiting there doing nothing and then stupid idea got me.
I figured out I can stop looking at light to make this day different and look ahead.
Then simply start walking when people from other side start walking.

It worked smoothly on those lights and I was happy I can do things differently from now on. I proceed with this idea on the way back and motherfuckers started walking on red. Twice !!!!
Almost died.

Since then three times some car was driving on green near me in those places and people started walking on red.

It got me worried about world determinism instantly. I might increased some entropy to much and some world developer changed some line of code while I was shopping and from that time death is passing by me.

Now it got me to the point where the more I follow this way the more I am worried about my life. Started thinking about ordering ingredients online.

So if you read this you know that I know your plan and I will be changing supermarkets and paths to it randomly starting from next week.

Or not I hope nobody hacked my mind and only thing that read and write to it is my consciousness.

I feel relief now.

Android studio is a PATHETIC excuse of an IDE!! And managing a constraint layout inside a scroll view is worse than having my nails pulled out while a bamboo is growing into my spine at record time! Screw this piece of shit IDE!! I suck at front end bad enough to have to deal with its buggy frontend IDE!! Aaaah!!!! - pulls lumps of hair out-

1.5 hours of my afternoon was spent on the phone talking my grandad through forwarding an email today.

Still love him him to death though.

What do you guys do when youre sick to death of working on the giant ass monolithic code base with no documentation a million layers of abstraction and breaks everytime you sneeze on it?

20 mins and it's still here. I think my death will arrive sooner than the update finishes.

Reading all these lovely rants about PMs, I'm considering changing my profession to PM hitman.
Find me on Craigslist :-)

Spent my afternoon looking after the reason why a value manually set kept being overriden.

Put a die() every possible place it could happen. Every. Single. Place.

No die() got triggered.

Death sounds so sweet.

People is this the new blue screen of death ?

"hey, life is going ok right now." Bam! Death in the family. Damn it life, who debugged you?!

Whoever thought that using some crappy niche framework for selenium web driver based on node.js instead of using Python or Java bindings like every other reasonable person would do should be beaten to death with old keyboards.

Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me....... you don't see it?😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 D🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me:😎

Pet peeve #1: those guys who iterate over a whole array with 'for' and 'break' on a condition. Have you ever heard of fckng 'while'??
Git source code will be the death of me.

If I die within the next week, please know it wasn't stress but people annoying me to death with their infuriating mix of ignorance and stupidity.

blue screen of death

This thing has been the life and death of me.

Museum infotainment at its finest

Reached second stage of interviews with one of the big tech giants. Problem is that I have heard they work you to death.

Ugh a blue screen of death. I used to be terrified of them when I was a child 😐

dating is more deadly than death because it will sooner or later fuck you up so high that you will commit a spiritual suicide while physically remaining alive ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️💧💧💦💦💦💦😢💦💦😭😭😭💦💦💦💦😭💦😭💦😭💦😭💦💦💦😭💦😭😭😭💦💦😭😭💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦

I think microsoft buying github will probably be the death of atom editor ... not that I would mind vscode was always way better then atom 🤷

When your boss turn on the auto-update for WordPress and then one day he is complaining about the White Screen Of Death of the website.

!dev

Through life, I've heard some people say horror movies are bad, that they promote violence (usually religious people).

Of course I think that's pure bs, but I think I could provide one argument that is hard to deny, so here it goes, although I might go off rails at the end.

I'll preface with this: life itself is violent. Violence, the word, is mostly used to describe immoral inflictions of harm on other beings.

But you can also say that some deaths are violent by themselves too, event those that weren't caused by humans, like a disease or a natural disaster.

This would be the "visual" meaning of the word, "the way it looks", the shock of humans when observing something gruesome/violent.

That described, it's not hard to also think that technological advancements in modern western life has made such observations of violence very unfrequent for people.

And naturally, modern people get accustomed to the lack of these observations. So accustomed that when they happen they become traumatic.

Because of this, people react weirdly to death. One reaction is censoring the topic. Another reaction is trivializing it, as if it doesn't really matter.

Sometimes they can't even accept old people dying at 90, an awfully stupid reaction in my opinion.

Another interesting reaction is personifying diseases as if they were villains ruining lives intentionally.

Or at least that's what it feels until you look at them through a microscope and realize that diseases aren't more evil than bread changing flavour after toasting.

All of these irrationality and cowardice comes from low exposure to violence, and that's where horror movies balance things out.

Some diseases in the real life can put some of the worst horror movies to shame.

The human body itself is pending violence. Why? Because when you die all sort of worms eat your fucking flesh. And sometimes that happens even before you die.

We bury humans because of the diseases corpses transmit, but also because we don't like the spectacle and the aesthetics of the rotting process.

Just picture for a second bad things happening to your body, and if you feel that is making you too uncomfortable, then maybe you got too used to this too.

I think horror movies help us to remember the reality of our inminent and intrinsic violence.

In ancient times, you would live outdoors, stepping on dirt, and be very used to "bad" things happening to humans.

Nowadays, most homes are sterile clean, and it's unlikely to observe violence.

Oh, some family member is pucking blood and dying from something? Send em to a hospital, or an elderly care center. Don't need to witness that!

I understand and accept grief. What I don't understand or accept is the vilification of death, describing it as something wrong that shouldn't happen.

it almost feels like a burden, like you shouldn't die when you're young, that it's an unforgivable thing to happen.

Well thanks, society, you can't even fucking die in peace.

I would love to die (no suicide) in a mildly celebratory way, watching people around me smile. I think that would be a good ending for me.

But no. Most of my relatives would be fucking crying like the chickenshits they are, ruining it for me.

And that scares the shit out me: people usually say the scary part of dying is that they die alone.

Well that's what dying alone would mean to me: watching people cry instead of smiling at me.

When my grandma died at 80, with all the achievements she made, I considered her death a success, also considering how quick it was. And because of that I didn't mourn for too long.

In fact, I don't even consider her dead, and not because of some religious mumbo jumbo. I guess the memories are still alive in me, I don't know.

Some famous chunk of coal said once that he felt people don't believe they're gonna die. And I agree with him.

Another upside of horror movies is that they hurt nobody, which is why you can enjoy it and not get ptsd, unlink watching a snuff film.

I will also be fair and add that this might a be a cultural thing, but deep down desire for survival is a genetic thing could play a big part in this too.