He is going places.

I just got CS Engineer degree!!!

A sys admin in his natural environment.

I FUCKING HATE THOSE TWATS GODDAMIT I CANT HOLD IT I WANT TO FUCKIN SLAP THEM

RE: Why I punched Dave
In my defense to the accusation against me punching back end developer dave in the face, look at the following response:
HTTP 1.1
status: 200
mesaage: OK
body: {
"success": "false",
"message": "error"
}

Lately my mornings have started out with sitting on my front porch with a cup of coffee and a smoke for about 15 or 20 minutes scrolling through devrant.
Probably why ive been in a better mood these days

My dear Open source project 😥😣😯

Learning soft skills.

I'm about as direct with coworkers and managers as I am on devRant. And I still think being painfully direct is often better than playing the heavily politicized office game of thrones.

But sometimes it's better to say:

"CTO, I think we need your skills to build bridges to other departments and manage recruitment. You're the only one who understands both technology and people, so drop your developer role and become our ambassador"

Instead of:

"Dear CTO, your code makes my eyes bleed. Your CS degree was a fucking waste of tax money, and it's quite clear that cheap college beer washed out all of your reasoning skills. We should fill the space you're taking up with a beanbag chair, because you're providing negative value to the company. How many investor cocks did you have to deep throat to get where you are?"

Now, I just pick option one, smile politely, and tell him we need to increase department budget as indemnification for having to work with a retard like him. Uh I mean... "to get developer salaries up to a competitive level so we can retain knowledge"

The effect of too much rubber duck debugging.

I need to stop reading devRant posts on the train and in public in general. These rants be cracking me up too much. Most awkward when you try to explain to someone who cares to know what's so funny and you know they can't relate so you're just sitting like.....

When you try to explain someone how to set up their router over the phone and you try to keep it as simple as possible...

Rofl😂😂😂

Didn't know about using php includes for headers and footers when I coded my first big site. Now having to go back through and add it in page by page so I can roll out updates more easily down the line. Bleeeuuggghhh

lol #fakenumber

When your professor pronounces Git as "jit", you know it's time you drop out.

CEO is right

Please, stop these bullshit 2017 function like things. Thank you.

it's not a happy new year when you realize:

You are becoming old

Another JavaScript frameworks is out and employers want 5 years experience in that.

You have to return to work from holiday in 2-3 days

Inspired by @h3ll, this is a combination of current and former coworkers:

Awkward Wizard:
This guy has the social skills of a microwaved dog turd. He is a genius, but working with him is about as uncomfortable as sticking a grill skewer in your eye and twisting it repeatedly until close of business. He laughs at inappropriate times, and every time he does, an unborn child tears its own ears off. He explains things in a way that only himself and Satan understand, then talks to you like you're a child when you don't follow his logic. He is the guy you hide when the CEO is around. His code is immaculate.

Backstab McGillacutty:
This bowl of bile is the son of a bitch that takes credit for everybody else's work. When you do something good, he was miraculously involved, but when you mess up, this twat is the dicknose that brings it up in retrospective and calls you out by name to the boss. You can usually find these guys talking shit about the CTO, until the boss quits. Then they buddy up with the CTO and become a Joel Osteen-esque evangelist for everything the CTO wants in a shitty, underhanded attempt to climb the ladder. Fuck this guy.

Professor Fuckwaffle:
This coworker used to teach Computer Science classes. Their resume is amazing, and they can speak to the most complex of design principles. This is the shitstain that you hire because of their skill and knowledge only to find out that ol' fuckwaffle can't apply the shit they spout to save their wretched lives. You'll spend more time listening to fuckwaffle lecture than you will reviewing their code (because they cant fucking write any!) You know the saying, those who can, do, and those who can't, teach? Yeah, that shit was written for Fuckwaffle.

Last but not least:
Scrumdumb:
This guy isn't even a coder. This guy is worse than the the scum you pour out of the bottom of a slow-cooker that you forgot to wash last time you made chicken. He's a non-technical PM. You know the type, right? He usually says "cloud infrastructure," "paradigm," "algorithm," "SDLC," etc but has no grasp of any of them. He often opens his dumpster to spout off something like "You can just create a new class for that" while talking about HTML. I won't waste any more breath on Scrumdumb, he already creates enough work for me.

"Hey, what are you writing over there? Is that PHP?" - "No. It's react."

Dont ever share your own startup idea to your boss!!

Sent this to my boss just now:

Let's see what happens! :)

when your boss doesn't understand anything you do and introduces you to people as "magic coder"...actually I think I prefer that.

Boss: I don't know what you're saying, it's all Yoda speak.

Me: Idiot, you are.

Boss coding.
Boss not fan of tests at all.

"Hey I'm doing all of tests" - boss to me.
"Cool, are they automated? Or do you want me to implement'em?" - me to him

[long speech about why tests are irrelevant including "...once I tested, it is tested, we dont need to have automated tests."] *im teaching you because you dont know voice*

Please, help meeee

Boss: lets set the domain to <productName>1.com.

Me: ok ... why 1?

Boss: ... because its version 1 of the software.

Me: .....

Boss: People will get it

Since I got fired yesterday. I will be spending more ranting!

My boss baught me a new setup because he crashed into my car. I think i can accept this apology^^

My old boss thought FYI meant ... "Fuck you idiot"