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Search - "ceo"
I told CEO that fixing security issues is more important than implementing features no one will use.
He threatened to fire me.
I gave notice and found a new job in 3 hours.
It's great to be a programmer!10
CEO: You need to use git.
CEO: You can backup stuff.
CEO: You don't have to save copies!
CEO: You will use a really cool command line!
CEO: It has unlimited storage
Designer: So when we start?25
Meeting with asshole partner company CEO at restaurant.
Me: "I'm a bit worried about the bugs in your API. There are some ways to retrieve privacy sensitive info from public endpoints"
CEO: "Well, we're a rapidly growing startup!"
Me: "Uh... so?"
CEO: "So... Move Fast and Break Things! Priority is to improve our API further, and we'll fix bugs as they show up"
Me: "Maybe you should stop trying to emulate Zuckerberg in your management style. You know that even Facebook themselves admitted that their slogan was a retarded mistake"
Waiter shows up at table. CEO orders some overly expensive fish salad.
CEO: "Well, they have done something right... they're worth billions"
Waiter asks me: "And you sir, have you made your choice?"
Me: "Do you serve popcorn?"
CEO: "Popcorn for lunch?"
Me: "No, for your congressional hearing"16
The moment an other team couldn't deliver for a deadline. CEO came to me, gave me 50 bucks told me to get a pizza and some hash and just work the night and deliver the damn app. So I did. Got a week holiday for free in return. One of the best guys I worked for.42
CEO: "What if we invest in our devs (i.e. trainings, certifications) and they leave?"
CTO: "What if we don't and they stay?"11
In a Skype meeting with a possible new employer.
Unlocks door after meeting and opens door. There stands my current CEO.
"You're locking your door?"
"Yep." *runs away*
Almost shit myself 😂13
I rage quit my last job and parked in the CEOs spot for a week after that just to be a jerk.
A friend of mine cussed out our CEO on a team meeting call during one of my first jobs and then quit.
On the last working day of our CEO.
CEO: As a software company, if we are to build an airplane would you ride on the airplane that we built?
Everyone was silent.
Me at the back of my head: I'll ride. I know for sure that the airplane will never start.9
Whoa guys, I am the CEO and only developer of my company, I just agreed to create a little app for an ad campaign and deliver it tomorrow.
But then I'll meet HUGH FUCKING JACKMAN!!!!!!!!!!
Holy shit I am so excited13
Large corporation. CEO tells everyone to attend this mandatory meeting via the internet.
I work remotely. I can't log in, meeting is full. But our colleagues have made a parallel meeting just for us in the meantime, where I could hear them make fun of the meeting, which is basically the CEO showing some Powerpoint slides to a room with 10 people. Nobody can either see the slides (bad camera or connection) or hear the CEO (crap microphone). 1000+ people watching this "mandatory" meeting that lasted for an hour. Nobody had any idea what it was about in the end. Just slides and muffled voices.
"That's ok... to test the app I'll just have my daughter play with it. She just clicks stuff randomly... basically like our users" my CEO is actually pretty awesome5
Bug crawling on my screen.
CEO: there's a bug...
Me: If there's an issue create a ticket like everyone else does, and we'll look into it. 😂😂5
It's so good, to have a CEO who is an engineer and has coded in the past.
As you might guess, this leads to rational requests and expectations.7
So after learning to code myself for about 9 months.
A local agency CEO reached out and offered me a junior position!
Developed an android app for the client. It was going great. Prototype for the initial (and static) content to show to the client was on the way. All until...
*goes back in time to when we were developing the prototype*
The asshole boss: "Wow this is good, just remove the login after the splash screen. Redirect it to the dashboard immediately."
Me: "What? Why?"
TAB: "He (the CEO of our company) said that the client doesn't need to see the login."
Me: "Well, alright." (Orders are orders, better remove it)
*A few days later, we present the prototype to the CEO. He'll be the one talking to the client. TAB isn't in this meeting.*
CEO: "Where is the login screen?"
Me: *dumbfounded and confused, in silence, and pressure rising*
The Good Boss: *whispers* "Where is the login screen? I thought I told you guys it should be there."
Me: *whispers* "TAB told us to remove it."
TGB: *Looks toward CEO* "TAB told us to remove it."
CEO: "Ugh. TAB is sick."
A little giggle. Nonetheless the meeting continued. He was displeased. I was a little guilty. The login screen's code was already there. Just couldn't show it since the app doesn't redirect there anymore.
*A discussion after the meeting*
TGB: "Why'd you guys remove the login?"
Me: "You and TAB had a meeting with the CEO the other day. After the discussion TAB went to us and told us to change it."
TGB: "But the CEO said no such thing! Anyway, let's go back to the office and straighten this out tomorrow."
*The next day, TAB was in the office*
TGB: *Chatting on messenger with me* "He is completely denying it."
TGB: "He said he never told you guys anything. And he is persistent. I kept telling him it was his fault, but he denies all of it. He never approached you guys to change anything."
Me: "Well yeah. I guess we magically thought to ourselves and said, 'Hey, let's remove the login screen for fun. Let's show them less content because that's how we please our clients!' -_-"
Seriously, what kind of assholefuckery is this. This shit is a whole new level. I am so TRIGGERED.
I don't really care that the meeting didn't go as planned. Just MAN UP AND ADMIT YOUR MISTAKE YOU FILTHY SON OF A GOOSE. Never listening to this asshole again. Thought he could be trusted. I will always ask my good boss next time.18
Work at a pro Microsoft company.
CEO wants an app so I explain that we will need a Mac to build the apple version of the apps. Refuses to buy us a Mac. For two years this goes on. Out of nowhere a new employee asks for the same Mac and the CEO goes out and buys $2000 without even thinking. We fought to the nail for a Mac for two years so we could do our job...they get one just for being new. My entire team feels completely insulted and betrayed18
One of our CEO: “we dont have the internet speed that we have paid for - I will check it out”
Developers: “please dont, remember last time?”
CEO: “the net will only be down for a couples of minuts”
Developers: “please dont touch anything, and do it after hours”
1 hour later we still dont have the internet restored.
October - Hired
November - Hear that CEO 2 was stealing the company money
December - Dismissing 6 persons. CEO 1 says to me that, since I'm the last hired, I'll be the first dismissed.
March - Company doesn't get better. Dismissing 3 persons... still there.
May - Company doesn't get better. Dismissing 2 persons... still there.
July - Company doesn't get better. Dismissing 9 persons... still there.
Now, with the remaining money the company should live for about 2 years and not dismiss employees anymore.
We were 25 employees, where are 4 now. I feel like the winner of Survivor.11
How to get funded in 21st century
CEO: we have an AR/VR/MR company that uses an AI that writes AI & we run on blockchain
What do they actually do: WordPress Bitch 🤣🤣🤣2
The CEO at the company I work at has been telling our partners that our PIA is ready. It took me a week to figure out what the hell a PIA was but he actually meant API6
Beep bop, I’m a bot.
Future CEO of GitHub Nat Friedman made an AMA on Reddit to respond to questions about the future of GitHub.
Of course, Clippy came up.
Warning: This is going to be a long one!
Day 1: Fresh outta grad school. Joined a start-up in silicon valley (50% lower pay than avg salary) . Moved to the bay area and rented a car to travel to work. First day, all excited, drive 35 miles to work.
It's a small company with just 5 people. Greeted by the CEO himself. Asks me to wait outside while he goes speaks with the project manager. In the meantime the office manager asks if I have a copy of my resume.
10 minutes later, the CEO walks out and tell me: "I'm sorry but I don't have a job for you at this time. Please come back after a month". Palms are sweaty, Knees weak, arms are heavy. I feel my heart skipping several beats. As an F1 student I immediately start thinking about my visa status.
I drive back home and try to think what I should do next. Then suddenly the CEO calls me back saying pls come back and we can work something out. I drive back and I'm offered a small spot on a round table with my colleagues. Everyone looks stressed out and sad.
Day 2: Work starts early since we need to collaborate with a team in India. I reach work at 6:00 am hoping my second day is better than the first. Couple minutes into the early morning meeting, the CEO flips out and screams: "I'm going to fucking fire everyone. This fucking thing is taking too long. Just get the fuck out already".
Day 547: I finally quit and joined another start-up :)10
Rubber duck company meeting in 1998:
Okay folks, our sales are plummeting, we need new ideas... NOW!
Employee: Let's brainwash developers! Make them think our ducks magically solve their debugging issues....
Other employees: *rofl*
CEO: Brilliant, let's do that.3
Newspaper: This CEO is one of the top entrepreneurs in the country, a true tech visionary shaping the future.
--- 3 months previous ---
Lead dev: O2 have said they are will pre-install the app on all their Androids but they need documentation from us.
CEO: documentation? on what?
Lead dev: Our unit test coverage, bugs found / fixed, security scan results, performance assessment, if and where its storing any data etc.
CEO: Ah were not doing any of that crap, bloody unit tests, its not necessary, tell them no.
lead dev: ..... eh ok
... true visionary, well done to everyone involved.3
CEO: Can you make this and this
CEO: That's great, you can start working on that
Me: coding ... testing ... coding ... finished
CEO: Great it works, but can you explain to me what are the benefits of this
Me: ..... (why did you ask in the first place)8
Me (Lead Developer), Boss (Head of IT), CEO
> enter stage left CEO
CEO > "Alright Boss, give it to me straight. Are we going to be able to release app x by this date?"
Boss > "Yup we'll have a beta release on that date"
> exit stage right CEO
Me > types long email to Boss outlining exactly why we won't be able to release app x anywhere near that date, beta or otherwise, because:
1. We have a development team of 2
2. I've never developed an iOS app before
3. Developer 2 is still trying to understand git, because
3a. Developer 2 isn't even a developer (but he's doing iOS front-end so w/e)
4. We don't have the required database systems in place
5. Or CRM
6. Or CPQ
7. We'll need to conduct a security audit
Boss > "yeah, but CEO is gonna need to hear that date a few more times before he can fully understand"
Me > *internally screaming BUT YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HIM THAT AT ALL*
"ok cool just glad we're on the same page on that one"5
Ill join in - Our CEO and CTO insist that we can make an AI that can recognize emotions and feelings through Python, R, and some MySQL... mind you, with a team of unpaid interns....
Im sorry, but Id love some of whatever the fuck they are smoking.12
When your boss asks for a web application that has drag and drop, resize, popup, fade inand out, dynamic styling and mobile compatibility but must work on IE8
You feel like:
Mission: Go to the moon
Tools: Broom's stick
Yeah i'll just pretend to be a witch and fly away7
Asked the CEO of my company of over ten thousand and billions of revenue out to dinner just to see what happened. Said no.10
CEO and board members are in town for a meeting and getting shown around. They get to our area chatting loudly and CEO go "shhhh... Be quiet"
(Looney tunes voice)
Me: "we're hunting wabbits!"10
I'm your CEO
This is our legacy code
And Welcome to jackass.1
CEO once thought it would be hilarious to give everyone Christmas bonuses in the form of little brown paper bags filled with fifteen hundred $1 bills.
Was a little awkward trying to deposit. 👯♂️3
Today the CEO called a meeting with our team just to get to know us personally and have some friendly chat. These meetings are to become a regular thing. Seems like he really cares about his employees.11
Ranting on behalf of a sysadmin friend of mine.
He went to one of their clients for some task(on a Friday). He had, ~8 years ago set up a nas for them.
He while doing his task(some server setup) he noticed that the NAS was extremely slow, so he asked the local sysadmin about it:
Friend(f): That NAS, what's up with it? Have you been maintaining it, like agreed?
idiot local admin(i): Nothing, haven't touched it since you set it up.
f: You mean you haven't even run an update or checked the drives in 8 years? Did you set up a backup server?
i: No, I didn't.
f: You idiot!
My friend interrupts his work and immediately checks the server to find that 7 drives in the RAID have already failed and one more is almost failing(ie, already slowed significantly).
If 8 fail, the entirety of the data is gone, without backup. It contains all business critical data.
He shut's the NAS down immediately, and working the weekend he manages to build a new NAS and migrate all data.
What does he get from the CEO for liter all saving his business?
A gift, a thank you, money?
No, an angry letter, because he "insulted" one of his employees.
WHAT AN UNGRATEFUL FUCK!24
And the award for the most ridiculous article in tech goes to...
This article is an interview of the CEO of one of the biggest companies in India15
So my CEO wants me to move to architecting systems!!!!!!!! My dream since a kid !!!
It seems like a mad job where you're a crazy scientist 😂
What should I read or do to be better ?
CEO: I've got a great idea to entice users, we increase our prices 20% and give 20% discount.
Oh god, please tell me you're not serious.16
CEO had a meeting with the Dev team today and it went a little like this..
CEO: You guys shouldn't be doing any Googling. You should know everything about building websites.
Me(in my head of course): GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!8
Me: Hey let's do A to help the website.
PO: Yeah that sounds good. but let's do some research about it.
6 months later.
PO: Hay let's do A to help the website.
CTO/CEO/PO's boss: amazing idea. Here's an award and some money for that.
Me: What. The. F...6
that fucked up moment when you create and Android Application in Android Studio for a startup and the CEO of that company asks will it work for iOS also ?... :-/11
» Microsoft announced today that it’s joining the Linux Foundation as a platinum member, no less than 15 years after former CEO Steve Ballmer described the open source platform as “a cancer.” «
Came to work and there ware my boss and CEO waiting there next to my place.
"Hey, you remember that you mentioned yesterday that you had a break through and the thing is finally starting to do something? We have few journalist downstairs can we show them a demo in like five minutes?"
"Ok, give me five minutes and don't click here and there otherwise it blows up."
My boss came back from presentation after ten minutes that it doesn't work, after little investigation turns out to be hw issue, replaced hardware went to the conference room and it worked.
Crazy deadlines? No, just another day at work.
So razer just launched their new game store and the CEO accidentally posted a code which gave you 50% off xD
Talk about having a bad day11
MFW I get told “It can’t be that hard, can it?” by the CEO after my team of 4 developers and I couldn’t manage to develop a fully deployable app in a month outside of our real jobs & schooling13
I haven't been around much in recent weeks. Due to family illness, christmas shopping, dealing with estranged parents, and brooding over the foregoing, I haven't had a lot of time or energy left to myself.
tl;dr: The CTO ("API Guy") is ostensibly getting fired, and I might be taking over his job. I don't know if I should accept, try to stave this off, or simply flee.
Anyone who has been following my recent rants knows that API Guy is my boss, and he often writes terrible code. It's solid and unbreakable, but reading it is a *nightmare.* One of our applications is half the length of Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, and it's difficult to tell what code is live and what amounts to ancient, still-active landmines. This is one application; we have several, most of which I've never even looked at.
Ostensibly the code is so terrible because the company grew extremely quickly, and API Guy needed to cram in lots of unexpected / planned-against features. From what I can see, that seems about right, but I haven't checked timeframes [because that's a lot of work!].
Here's a brief rundown of the situation.
- API Guy co-founded the company with the CEO.
- CEO and API Guy have been friends for a long time.
- CEO belives the company will fail with API Guy as head of tech.
- They could just be testing me; I have zero way of knowing. API Guy seems totally oblivious, and CEO seems sincere, so this feels pretty doubtful.
- CEO likes pushing people around. CEO believes he can push me around. API Guy doesn't budge. (I probably won't, either, except to change task priorities.)
- API Guy's code is huge and awful, but functional.
- API Guy is trying to clean up the mess; CEO doesn't understand (maybe doesn't care).
- Literally nobody else knows how the code works.
- Apart from API Guy and myself, the entire company is extroverted sales people.
- None of these sales people particularly like me.
- Sales people sell and sell and sell without asking development if they can pull enough magic features out of their hat to meet the arbitrary saleslines. (because the answer is usually no)
- If I accept, I would be the sole developer (at first) and responsible for someone else's mountain of nightmarish code, and still responsible for layering on new features at the same pace as he. Pay raise likely, but not guaranteed.
- My getting the position is contingent upon the CEO and the investors, meaning it's by no means guaranteed.
- If I don't accept, likely API Guy will be replaced with someone else of unknown ability, who doesn't know the code, and whom I must answer to regardless. Potentially OK, potentially a monumental disaster.
Honestly, it feels like I'm going to be screwed no matter what course I choose.
Perhaps accepting is slightly better?
The best would be to assume the position of CTO and keep API Guy around -- but that would feel like an insult to him. I doubt he'd be okay with it. But maybe. Who knows? I doubt the CEO would seriously consider that anyway.
I feel like a lamb between a dim, angry rhino, and an oblivious one.23
Today six friends of mine were fired, they didn't know about it, while they were working HR called them and fired them, CEO talked to me explaining reasons of their decision, trying to convince me. I don't care about reasons, its not about reasons, its about behaviors, people are not resources.17
This company has been a "start-up" for 5 years farming money off of fucking idiots using a shitty CMS.
- The senior dev gets paid 15/hr
- No use of version control or testing
- the CEO has no fucking knowledge about tech.
and you wonder why it's FAILING?! I'm surprised you guys stayed afloat this long, jesus fucking christ.5
Did you hear of the story of the fucked up data migration at the british bank TSB? People can't access their money for a week now. And people see the accounts of other bank custumers. The CEO had to call IBM for help.
Once, at my first job, the CEO of the company sent a group email in which he essentially lambasted my ability to do my job.
I wasn't even hired as a programmer, I was a data entry guy who learned how to code on the job, and at this point I was literally the only person writing code for the company. I regularly worked 12+ hours every day, and even though I had to learn practically everything on my own I was still getting things done -- at least, I would have gotten things done if the CEO didn't keep pulling me off of my projects to work on whatever his latest ultra-important-idea-of-the-week was. I was even working for an 8 hr/day, 5 day/week salary, putting in extra hours for free.
But no, my sacrifices and hard work weren't good enough in the CEO's eyes, and he chose to say that to multiple people in an email, including investors in our startup. I don't remember exactly what was said, but whatever it was made me so livid I couldn't do any work; every time I sat down to code, I thought about that email and it so infuriated me that I couldn't concentrate. It took me twelve hours just to calm down enough to get back to coding.
After that, I refused to communicate with the CEO except through my boss, the CTO.7
New company moved in above us... Slogan : Blockchain, AI, Augmented reality and banking apps.....
Dude come on thee must be a buzzword CEO4
Although I dislike Microsoft tremendously, I had faith that they wouldn't be stupid enough to fuck up Github. Until I just read an article that the new CEO of Github will be the former CEO and co-founder of Xamarin, who says he wants to "make Github better at being Github".
A hybrid tool creator wants to make Github better. Ladies and gentlemen, we are fucked.7
My most ridiculous meeting was a meeting that I couldn't attend.
When I was working as a freelancer my companies CEO and me were invited by a client from another country (6 hours flight & hotel).
The meeting was scheduled for the day after our arrival.
After breakfast the CEO told me he would pick me up at the hotel lobby at 2pm. I waited for some hours, but he didn't come.
Later that day he told me that he met with the client already at 10am.
I am sure he told me the wrong time, because he was afraid that the client would try to headhunt me.4
When the CEO thinks you are on Facebook and starts to complain about it to your supervisor, but in reality he just confused it with Bitbucket because of the similar design.1
Once a CEO is 24*7 a CEO. For me it's Chief Experiment Officer
And only dreamers can have that title. One who dreams at night and work it out the following day.
Having a startup is much more than just having an idea
It's about revenue,
It's about value,
It's about team,
It's about impact,
It's about growth,
It's about compliance,
It's about being finance, marketing, HR and tech expert at the same time.
It's about respect the supporters,
At the end it's about the money you earn as an individual.
For playing all the above roles, you need to dream real big.
To me startup is about falling in love with your work first.
By an Indian CEO2
Our CEO/Boss thought up a new idea for an App
Boss: I got a new idea, i dont know what it is, but its very easy. How long you can do it?
This is going to be a rant, but personally, I'm pleased with the outcome of my life now.
I was part of a community for a few years and decided to help them out with my knowledge of programming Lua nearly 2 years ago since they lacked developers for the project itself.
Since it was sort of a custom language that they modified how Lua worked on it, it took me a bit to adapt, but within a few weeks, I was pretty fluent in this so-called custom language they had. Began working on some major updates, additions, removals, and just optimizing this code base. It was a pretty old code base and needed a good chunk of love.
A few months later, I've implemented loads of features, optimized the base whenever I could, and then things start taking a turn for the worse. We get new 'developers' who haven't ever coded the language, and worse they couldn't afford to provide them development servers thus they ended up breaking my servers. I helped them and they learned, they were decent, but now the Seniors and CEO's of the project began to take a toll on me.
I was told that this community had a reputation of driving out developers, ruining their reputations, and that is what started happening. I started getting questioned if I was loyal to helping them, that I've become lazy, even though they were explained I've had mental health issues for a few years and have been hospitalized multiple times.
These sort of attacks kept happening for months, and then they finally pushed my buttons, where I was talking to another Senior of how we should redo the base since it's just so massive and a few tiny updates to the base take a few days to implement across the entire code. What instead happened was that I went to sleep, and this Senior told the CEO I was going to steal the code base and go sell it...
I woke up to messages of how the CEO is all pissed off, and that this what the Senior said. At this point, I started responding with, fuck it. I was so sick and fucking tired of their bullshit. I was the only fucking competent developer, and I did more work in the few months I was there then some people did in 2 or 3 years.
A few hours later I decided to go chat with the CEO and explained what was truly brought up, and he just brushed it off like I was lying. At that point, I lost it. I told him why the code base was horrible since he hired stupid ass developers. He didn't know how to code. People wanted certain items, and he wouldn't be able to add them for fucking months and players sit there making fun of it. Some people state the only differences they see within the code is the code I've done. Basically, he was an incompetent fuck that said he knew what he was doing, and had all these big plans for the future yet couldn't listen to the only competent developer and fucking claimed bullshit.
Now a few months have gone by, I'm looking at their community and it's basically dead with no proper updates except for copy and paste updates claiming to be custom coded. While I'm working on my real life businesses (Which are currently being a headache, but within the year should resolve its issues), starting University for my Computer Science degree here soon, and even considering building my own game here.
Basically, karma is a bitch and that's why when you get loyal people in your life, keep them. (Writing this at 3 am after a few drinks, hopefully, it made sense, I think it does.)
Anyways, goodnight everyone.5
Admin comes to my desk and says:
"Hey the CEO wants to know why is the third party application having issues with our system? He wants you to keep me posted on the matter and let us know when will you fix it."
"Well I'm working on it, we're having a discussion on Slack about it and I'm quite busy right now"
Admin: "Yeah OK but when will you fix it? The CEO wants to know why didn't you reply yesterday"
Me: "Because I was on leave? You would have known if you saw my calendar"
Admin: "oh well, can you keep me updated with how things go?"
Me: "You can join the Slack channel if you want..."
What the f*CK is wrong with people? Do they even know what vacation time means? Why would the CEO ask the admin to talk to me when I'm sitting two rows from him?3
CEO: Ok guys, we need x feature by Friday
Me: This would normally take more than a month!
CEO: But I already told our customers we'll have this feature
Why the fuck does the management never consult me for timelines.11
So this mornings i was helping my 2.5year old daughter to count the lines on her potty training table.
me: look there are 1,2,3,4 and 5
she steps back and looks at it for a minute and says : FOUR
i was about to correct her and say no there 5 but then i thought well if your on a zero based list your technically right!!
My mornings are fun!!4
Today the CEO asked us to create KPIs to follow a junior tasks, daily.
The problem it's he wants KPIs to foretell problems or delays in his tasks.
The junior is analyzing 14 years old C++ code, made by an electrical engineer who had all worsts practices possible when coding.
We explained that we couldn't make real, true KPI that would foretell the advancement due to complexity of the legacy and the fact that the junior had NEVER USED C++.
SO.... He asked to know how many code lines he made daily and an estimate of how many lines he'll have to do to complete the task.... So he could foretell advancement.
It was the 5th time in less than 60 days, that the CEO bypass totally the CTO to ask some stupid useless shit. So now all developpers have resign, complaining about the CEO actions/stupidity.2
End of year company party with 1200 employees. CEO is singing on stage with dinner buffet.
And I don't know what to do, with so many people. If i sit alone on a couch it is not ok. But sitting next to random strangers is also not ok. I hate such situations. How do you deal with this?18
CEO: if we would not give new features, clients would be bored and would not pay for tool.
me: but don't you think we should fix buggy old code, that would reduce effort and time that we daily invest in prod bugs?
CEO: I'm not saying we should not fix them but we should maintain the balance which is 80-20. 80% of our work would include adding new features.
Next day in morning receives email:
There is a production issue, fix it asap.
I used to be someone who disliked microsoft and windows, but with the new CEO Satya Nadella things are going in the right direction. Really love the stuff microsoft is doing right now! bash for windows, 24 bit color console, visual studio code and the monaco editor, dotnet core ... lately I have switched to windows 10 from OSX and I couldn't be happier :)22
Me: "hey CEO, that product that's only had 3 devs on for a couple of years has grossed a million brit bucks 2 years running. Any chance we could get some laptops for the team that aren't heavy as fuck and 4-5 years old. Maybe some monitors that aren't tiny and dull as fuck?"
Also, what's people's dream dev gear?10
It always gives me a smile when my boss (ceo, no technician) calls me and says "let's do some software architecture together!". He has no idea what this means, but he likes the term. Sometimes, this call just means "let's have a beer together"3
To people who may not be aware, Steve Ballmer is no longer the CEO of Microsoft. They actually dont suck anymore.6
When you've been working your ass off for months alone on a project with major backend features and the feedback you get from the CEO at the demo is "I don't like the colour".3
So far 9 people left because of that newly hired COO ( check my previous rants ), 4 from digital department including the manager
Enjoy making the company bankrupt asshole !!!5
1. talked to a dev and found out he never used git
2. saw a guy formatting the code in eclipse line by line, even when eclipse provides automatic formatting.2
CEO of previous job, only reachable by email, coming to the office twice a week at best, business trips at no notice, answers every third email, addressing the dev team:
"You need to plan better. A lot of the delays and bugs are due to poor communication and unaddressed issues."
I don't miss that job.2
I worked at a company that was recently acquired by another one based in Poland. On my last day at work, the CEO flew out from Kraków to meet all of us personally and treated us to dinner. Soon after, we were all inducted into their hiring process, and now I'm currently waiting for my first project at the new company 😊 brilliant guy, can't wait to know him and the team better!3
CEO: You are hired to solve the problem for the company, not to create new problems
Me: You are the problem.3
1M€/year web agency, the ceo doesn't buy coffee for employers anymore (14 people) because "it costs too much". :/5
Me: we need to seriously consider refactoring our backend have it more loosely coupled for a more robust product and quicker development times.
CEO: But I just don't see the value in this I just don't.
Me: *tries to reason*
CEO: *rants about our current short term shit*
VP of software: we should really consider this.
CEO: No it would cost us too much time focus on reality.
Me and VP: *Scheme to further my goals and force our team onto CircleCI*10
CEO : this Facebook app has this great feature .
Me: yep, it’s really useful
CEO : can we make something like this in ours too ?
Me : we can sure try using this(x) method.
CEO : cool, I’ll add this into the sales team memo , and btw, it needs to be done in 2 days,
Me : but... but ...2
I just gave a successful demo to the CEO and CTO of a company I'm doing some contract work for. The questions they were asking led to me going off script, luckily it all worked!3
CEO emailing on a Saturday evening to suggest a "demo" at the end of the sprint. There is a demo at the end of EVERY sprint and always has been. Don't pretend to "work" on Saturday - you are fooling nobody.8
Today is my birthday, so "11042016" ... This date in HEX is "A87CE0"
According to this, I should be CEO1
When my company signs a contract with employees, they put the income as minimum wage, and verbally agree with him that they'll pay the rest of the income (which is about 3 times the minimum wage) as extra work, so they wont pay a lot for taxes. The employee has no choice but to accept.
But when the pay time comes, the company will only pay the minimum wage, making employees unable to sue.
This ultimately causes employees doing things like moving all project files to pen drives, telling the CEO about it, making the CEO run after them to the streets begging for the pen drive, and when he finally softens and gives them the drive, they open the zip files inside it to see (I shit you not) images of people flipping the bird.
Or this: https://devrant.com/rants/1332501/...12
I’m sick of these kinds of error messages. “Could not be downloaded at this time.” Ok...but why? Are the stars out of alignment? Did the CEO of the company decide that every other Tuesday at noon, you can’t download this app?
How hard is it to give a reason in the error message??2
One of those "Fuck this shit, I'm outta here" moments! CEO, in a dying startup wants to go on a 5 day vacation to Mexico while I'm sitting here fixing production bugs! FUCK THIS SHIT BRUH5
In 7 hours I have a meeting with the big Boss CEO our company the head of heads.... I have to present the development plan to save the company (about 9000 employees).... I can't sleep cause I hate to present in general.... I fuc%$# can't get a clear mind.... I'm dieing inside >..< and I really need to sleep
wish me luck4
spent 7 months building a gigantic platform that took in healthcare messages for formatting and server routing.
Give a demonstration to the company
They each take turns patting me on the head and saying "ahhhhh What a cool craft you've made" "We're very Proud of you" "You deserve a cookie"
Im outchere ! Back to agency work4
team lead: what is the minimum lenght validation on the first name field?
dev: i decided to put minlenhgt 3
team lead: why? did you tests it
Dev: i tested it. 3 makes sense to me
Team lead: isint your first name 2 letters long?
Dev: oh i dodth think about that4
I just don't have words.....
Yesterday I had message from our CEO, that one of our biggest and most important project's CEO have told her that there is spelling mistake in my email signature and people there will judge because of that.
PS: I had Enginner instead of Engineer in such small font that even no one even noticed in entire year not even me.(I don't even feel ashamed for that it was not intentional and it does not make me bad at what I do at my work)
I just want to ask you guys are people really that bad they judge based on spellings? and not on work and their dedication?
I think there will be thousand of people who can't even speak or write English but are more innovative.13
I've been working in a company for two tears, builsing it from ground up as a CTO with a CEO and COO. Two years in, with 60 people on board I was managing a project which was bringing serious profit into the company, and they decided to cut me off. Reason: they don't trust me anymore, real reason: CEO wanted more money for himself and less money control from me and the other guy.
Turned out fine as it made me start my own business.1
*One day at office sitting at my desk coding in front of a window with a refreshing breathe of fresh air coming from it, and a decent view of trees in front of the building*
CEO: would you like to be sitting together with the other dev?
Me: that would be awesome!
- next day -
*come to work to see my stuff has been moved over next to the always open door, with clear view of the lobby, prone to all kinds of nonstop distractions, and psychologically lethal ambiance*
ceo: YOU TWO ARE SITTING TOGETHER NOW, AREN'T YOU PSYCHED??
me: WELL CANT SAY PSYCHED, BUT A PSYCHO SOON HAHAHA >fucking asshole<4
I was given 8 hours to build an entire website from scratch. No storyboards. No content to start with. Just "I have a meeting with the CEO tomorrow. Make sure we have a new website to show him"4
Delivering next 6 month’s product roadmap to CEO, other directors and senior management.
I know it’s all going to change.
They know it’s all going to change.
I know they know.
They know I know.
No words are spoken.
Sure you know this one:
* Mobile project with realtime notifications
* CEO asks for push implemented with own sockets instead of using firebase or gcm
* Spends loads of time of money and time
* Asks to dev why It costs so much
* Blames the dev for socket implementatiom2
Working in a tech company as a project manager, the CEO asked me: a client requested to code the frontend with something call active java, are you familiar with it?
Me: well, it must be a new tech.."searched online..", no results found.
After calling the client, he was asking about React native.🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
I never rooted and Android device. Now I have until tomorrow to root a Samsung Tablet, update android version, install Microsoft Power Apps and show to CEO.10
If you can get a chat with the CEO I would ask this question.
“From your vantage point, what do you see as your job as CEO?”
Anything less than a list of 10-50 different job responsibilities is a total pass. It shows the the CEO thinks he knows it all. Everyone can and should grow and it has to come from the top down.
If you don’t hear anything about building culture then this is a problem. If you do, then probe further.
If the CEO seems to give the impression that he is above answering this question for “someone in your position” then this is a big red flag.
In my view everything in a startup come from the top down, and shit runs up hill. Therefore the CEO has to not only perform every conceivable task but must have a desire to learn and grow. A CEO who doesn’t learn builds companies that don’t learn. Companies that don’t learn, fail.3
If your startups CEO is the major stakeholder, that’s great.
If your CEO is the major bottleneck, that’s a problem.
Don’t handcuff your employees. Instead enable them to work efficiently and effectively.
Long but hilarious:
I was deeply concerned about how we have a single, non-paginated call to a backend service, returning hundreds of entries, which has to be enriched with constant data fetched from our db for each entry. FOR EACH ENTRY. AND FOR EACH REQUEST.
I voiced my concerns to my PM, who called me a "rage prophet" for it.
As expected, the call took 20-something seconds to complete.
Ten minutes before the CEO comes over to have a look, another dev changes his loosely-related service, and the entire super-heavy, sprawling abyss of enrichment pipeline returns in sub-second timing!!!
CEO: guys, this is too fast. You have to slow it down a bit. It doesn't seem reliable that we're able to get all this data immediately.
PM: you see, rage prophet, it all worked out in the end
Idk if people noticed but Snapchat CEO allegedly said that he doesn't want to expand in poor countries like India and Spain.
Well good luck getting hatred from 1+billion people.
The rating section had a drastic increase in the 1 star rating. Damn, that's one way how to not run a business.5
Sometimes being a programmer is similar to being a CEO...most people have no idea what your doing throughout the day. But you're doing something.................. hopefully
wanted to try fedora on my laptop nd instead it removed my Windows from the laptop,
now installing Ubuntu 😪😪😪
such a start to the Sunday8
well there's an interesting error😂😂😂😂😂
Stackoverflow clears our error and then I get a Stackoverflow error
My CEO uncle: "anyone can program."
A quote from when we were discussing strategy for my sit down with the CEO of a company I was applying at (FYI, his advice was to research the company, be familiar with their long term strategies and such). I get that there's no need to prove my technical prowess to a business exec, but it isn't because "anyone can program."
I mean, sure, in a philosophical sense, anybody has the capacity to learn. But developers aren't a fungible asset. Treating them as such leads to ruin.3
Started working as a developer about 2 months ago and on the first day of of work I was tought how to make coffee.
I couldn't understand why is coffee so important to the everyone in the company. I didn't drink the coffee for the first 2 week.
Now after many sleepless nights spent coding i then realise why the people worship the drink so much.
People get very pissed when they go to coffee machine and find that there is no coffee then the last person to have a cup is going to be shouted at and at times even get insulted.
Now coffee is my fuel and cant do much without it.8
Guys what I want to know is how do you secure your code so that they pay you after you deliver the code to them?
So recently I was in this internship that I secured with an over-the-phone interview and the guy who was contacting me was the CEO of the company (I'm going to refer to him as "the fucking cunt" from now on). He asked me to do some OCR and translations and I managed to write a few scripts that automate the entire process. The fucking cunt made me login remotely to his desktop which was connected to the server (who the fuck does that) and I had to operate on the server from his system. I helped him with the installation and taught him how to use the scripts by altering the parameters and stuff, and you know what the fucking cunt did from the next day onward? Dropped contact. Like completely. I kept bombing emails upon emails and tried calling him day after day, the fucking cunt either picked up and cut the call immediately on recognising its me or didn't pick up at all. And the reason he wasn't able to pay me was, and I quote, "I am in US right now, will pay you when I get back to India." I was like "The fuck was PayPal invented for?" Being the naive fool that I was, I believed him (it was my first time) and waited patiently till the date he mentioned and then lodged a complain in the portal itself where he had posted the job initially. They raised a concern with the employer and you know what the fucking cunt replied? "He has not been able to achieve enough accuracy on the translations". Doesn't even know good translation systems don't exist till date ( BTW I used a client for the google translate API). It has been weeks now and still the bitch has not yet resolved the issue.And the worst part of it was I got a signed contract and gave him a copy of my ID for verification purposes.
I'm thinking of making a mail bomb and nagging him every single day for the rest of his life. What do you guys think?11
Axioms of writing software for your own business
(or working on your own projects that actually have to get produced in the real world)
Axiom #37: It is always a lot more fun to start something new, then to finish the thing that *was* new and exciting when you last tried to finish a thing.3
So a month after being rejected for a position because it is was the holiday season and the cogs were turning slowly...
Fucking bitch (ceo of corp) contacts me and invites me for another talk
Look lady, I landed another job while you didn't want me at that timeframe and your cogs needed oil... Tough loss ain't it lol 😳🙈9
COO Snake ousts CEO, fires founders, is generally clueless about tech and product and design and science (and basically everything this business is about) and expected me to drop everything else I do (rich, varied and fulfilling) and work full time as a slave-nerd. Some people just don’t get it.
When all you hear are mouse clicks and not keyboard presses from your colleagues, you know it's going to be a slow day. Which means, time to work on personal projects :P2
Working on photo contest site, no design, no specification. 2 weeks until deadline.
CEO: Deadline is one week earlier, and client wants to have video uploads and automatic facebook share too.
Me: We don't even have a contract and design to work with yet.
CEO: No worries, the contract will be signed by the time you finished the website.
Site done in 1 week, including weekend days and overtime. Production on client's server as asked by CEO.
3 weeks later...
Me: So van you pay the overtime I worked?
CEO: Sorry client not payed and says they don't like the end product. I can't afford to pay you overtime.
2 days later.
CEO: The online department is lossy so you have to work harder in the next month, we have 3 sites to be done.
Me: Do we have the contracts?
CEO: No worries...5
Best laptop to run your linux distro
"Razer founder and CEO Min-Liang Tan has announced that Razer is soon going to support Linux distros on its Razer Blade laptop series officially. To welcome the suggestions from the community, Razer has created a new Linux Corner hub"6
Me and the CEO of my company are both in the same clan in clash of clan.
I've never worked for a cooler guy. And funny enough he is much much much better than me. He has been playing for like 4 years.
When I started writing this 2 weeks ago (yes I forgot about this) he was working with us, he resigned in the meantime.
I just did the same, Today.
So, I guess best ex-ceo for a probably best ex-employee.
At the first company I worked for out of college, the CEO was a bit like a child. Whenever he came up with a new feature he wanted to add to the product, it had to be done asap otherwise we were going to "miss the boat." Every single time.
So rewind to a few years ago. It's a normal day at work and then suddenly my team lead and the CEO call my team into the conference room. The CEO starts telling us about this industry conference (we were in online dating) that was happening and this flashy new company dating company was going to be showing off this awesome search feature.
Naturally, our CEO concocted a Hail Mary plan of how our company was going to upstage this company and get all of the press to write about us instead. Basically, the "plan" was for us to build a brand new search feature of our own, in the week before the conference, and then he stated that the press would "have to write about us because ours will be better."
Everyone on my team knew it was ridiculous but we were pretty young and naive so we busted our asses to get this search feature out the door in the short week. The Friday before we stayed until like 2 AM. It was a little bit fun because the people on my team were cool, but the whole situation was absurd and no one, except the CEO, thought this had any chance of working.
Annnnddd in the end we didn't get an ounce of press, the search feature was pulled from our site, and the "awesome" company that we were so worried about getting all the press is out of business. But hey, we did get it done!1
funny coincidence happened at work the other day.
One dev ask to get more ram for his pc so we sent him a link to download more ram... after all the laughs we actually gave hom more ram.
The next day, we had performance issue on our dev servers, and after checking the VM's where missing 4gb of ram each from the original setup... so i poke my dev and say see now we know where the downloaded ram came from XD. man those small things really make my day
Seems like getting a CEO to upgrade his iPad to iOS 11 while it's still in beta is not a good idea. 😂2
I was just so inspired that I already had a colleague I can talk to for the second year of existence in our company, then little did I know that one of senior was sneakingly making a move until our ceo talked that maybe we had a romance and he had a fiance.
I can't even taste myself on it. Gross.
That moment when the CEO teaches you how "real programmers" spend 20% time in coding, and other 80% in writing company wikis, updating documentations and attending meetings.4
I'm currently an intern in a startup
I started 3 months ago and I will finish in 1-2 months
From the beginning, all the team is very nice with me and say that I do a really great job
I could learn many many things and I can say my ideas during the project
This is a message to CEO/CEO, you see, if you offer a really good internship with interesting tasks and technologies, student like me are really motivated, want to learn, want to really participe to the project even if I do more hours than I have to do
Because we, students, are like you : interested in new technologies and great ideas
Offer good internship and you will be happy to have good and motivate intern in your Company
Bought a GoDaddy.com domain for the website for our startup as a joint decision by the CEO, marketing guy and me(the Dev), cuz it basically fulfilled our needs. Got some criticism from peers and mentors for not choosing AWS. Guess who's not shitting their pants now.4
Me: *asks boss for the id of his test store so I can apply experimental schema changes to test out a new dashboard app*
Boss: *gives me production store id and doesn't say anything*
Fate: … "You got lucky this time."
This is the CEO of the company btw. Startups. *sigh*1
Me and my coworkers are pretty lucky. Your head of development is a developer himself and our CEO listens to developers on advice and actually tries to understand which parts are hard to build and which parts work very well.5
When the CEO sends an email "start working on the project ASAP" all the METHODOLOGIES GO DOWN THE TOILET..... fuck you , you ignorant son of a bitch5
Today was my last day at my old job. At my last monthly review, the CEO actually said to me how things would be much better if I were making enough sales happen on the websites to justify my (very low) annual salary. I checked the numbers on my way out the door. In the past 8 months I definitely cleared that threshold and then some. I wonder if he would've given me the next 4 months off with pay. LOL
Life as a software developer is a bit similar to a nurse... they often both patch bleeding holes as a service ;-)1
just saw a production level code, all the fucking variables in the code are in capital letters🤪😵😵😵2
What's the right thing to do as a junior dev when your boss acts too intimidating and gives you feel like you are unwanted?4
what to do with this android studio, taking up 2.3 gigs of RAM😪😪😪
good thing i upgraded my ram from 4 gigs to 8 gigs before getting into android development 😪6
Ha ha ha!
I will wait a while before I pass judgement if you don't mind...
Microsoft bought GitHub to rebuild developer trust, says new CEO.
That feeling when the CEO gives a really positive pep talk about his future plans for the company but, deep inside you know your just caught up in a monkey shit fight that can never achieve the goals he’s laid out.
I am looking for a job, does any one needs a ceo or a consultant? I can be helpful. I have experience of four failed projects, two were of my own and have experience of one successful one.27
Just finished Microsoft's newest CEO, Satya Nadella's book "Hit Refresh." It was actually really great. He talks about changing Microsofts culture and global impact, inspiring makers, as well as what the needs are going forward in technology.
CEO: Lets shift our REST app to graphql.
Me: what? why?
CEO: I saw this amazing video on youtube about it.
Me: But the app is working fine.
Me: ...so we should stay on the current arch.
Few hours later...
Me: Implementing graphql3
CEO: so how long would this take?
Me: Me plus another engineer... probably 4 weeks.
CEO: What if I give you XYZ(principal engineers from infra team)
Me: Wait... no i need a full stack engineer.
CEO: okay fine. I'll give you 3 engineers, can you get it done in 2 weeks instead?
Me: No... some of the work cannot be parallelized.
....a week later
CEO: I thought about it, what if you work days and night, and also the weekend, can you get it done?
CTO/CEO (previous place) - we're not production engineers, so we're going to fork your code base and move way faster than all of you and then you can maintain it. Doesn't that sound inspiring?
25% of the company: ha... Here's our 2 week notice.2
The CEO at my previous company used to schedule two meetings, spanning 1-2 hours, per week. He would also schedule several smaller meetings throughout. A real micromanagement type.
CEO: "Why aren't you going to meet the deadline?"
Also note, we were a three-man team and were not consulted about a possible deadline.
Being involved in the conversations with our CEO and a possible software vendor for a SAAS system which has a license price tag of 50K yearly is somewhat exciting but i find myself wanting to work for the software vendor more than wanting to use there software.
Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg broke several days of silence in the face of a raging privacy storm to go on CNN this week to say he was sorry. He also admitted the company had made mistakes; said it had breached the trust of users; and said he regretted not telling Facebookers at the time their information had been misappropriated.
From techcrunch article.14
Working hard to meet crazy deadline to finish last update before new product announcement to make it look better. Our CEO blabs about new top secret product at some conference throwing away all marketing efforts up to date and putting marketing team into panic mode. Result? They moved the announcement date without discussing it with development. Result? Our efforts and overtimes wasted and we are announcing product before it is ready. End result? I'm pissed so I wrote angry e-mail to our CEO. Wondering what will happen now :-) But with unfinished announced product and crazy deadlines they need me a lot more than I need them.
The moment when your CEO freaks out because he can’t login and starts insulting your architecture because he thinks its a caching issue even though it is a cookie issue because his CTO changed the domain on your cookie for no reason.2
when you realize that performance issue you just could not figure out is the SYS admin taking a full back of your production machine during peek traffic hours
Updating a legacy written by the ceo from swift 1.2 to swift 3.1
No storyboard, main controller with 2200+ lines of code and viewDidLoad method with 500+ lines of code.
Almost no comments and code is illisible.
For those who didn't saw it yet, Github's future CEO (when Microsoft will fully own GitHub, at the end of the year) answered some questions (a lot) about the future of GitHub.
im the only person in my company who has any sort of tech skill. Im the only dev here, the only IT guy here, and pretty much the only person who can use a computer outside of facebook. And my CEO is expressing concerns as to what i do? Life of startup hell2
My best dev experience this year was the success of my company intern app at work, where I am employeed since last December beside my studies.
The company founder, the CEO, the head of department and the marketing department all like my app and in January it will be deployed to all company phones 😀
Whish me luck that there won't be any serious bugs 😅
One of the perks of directly working with the CEO is that sometimes he goes on business trips so you pretty much catch up on medium articles all day lol2
Funny how people freak out when I offer free stuff (in exchange for feedback) as I introduce myself as the CEO.
But when I tell them that I'm a developer, they all accept it without a single doubt.
Since I'm doing both, I can call myself whatever, but this just shows how little trust people have towards management of ANY company. So I can't really blame them.
CEOs, please stop being fucking greedy and do something that can change the life of at least one person in a positive way.
My vision for this startup is to produce as many opportunities for people so that they can feed their family and have a place to call home.
Edit: I've seen this one CEO buy an expensive car on company lease when he received an investment. Guess what his employee told me next. I fucking LOL'd.3
OK Mr CEO/President whatever self aggrandizing title you want to call yourself today, where the fuck is your spine! You want to have support help boost your sales but don't tell sales that you are letting support handle some sales and sales is mad. Now you are quivering under the thumb of the Lead of Sales. What the hell. You are the leader of this company.
Why did you not stand up for your decision to begin with? I'm not going to get into whether or not it was good, but if you are going to make a decision to experiment with new things fucking stand by it and let everyone in the company know.
You've exacerbated the division between departments and ton this company further apart. If you don't start standing up for things, you are going to destroy all that you've helped build! Furthermore, I will not simply be your loyal vassal and watch all the people doing support for my products get fucked over. I will leave you high and dry if needed. I really hope you don't make it needed. You gave me a great shot to be honest, I'd hate to have to turn my back on you in anger. But don't think for a second I won't do it.
Your entire programming department has also been put in the cross fire of a fight you just made so much worse. You are the only one who can clean this up. Are you going to stand up for us? Are you gonna stand up for your self? Or will you just break and show us where the real power lies? We will find out soon.2
Holy shit! The fuckery CEO of reddit did to himself is hilarious. He did no good by finally admitting the wrong he did.
To top it off, he himself called him the abuse which he was pissed off about.
Moral: Be moderate if you're gonna do something sketchy like that, rather than going all the way, and then to apologise about it in the end.2
Has anybody ever worked with a shady company where you don't even know the company structure? Like CEO and administration?8
CEO of the startup: We're fully funded. [Shows screenshot of a Whatsapp conversation with an alleged investor.] See?
When there is a blizzard and all local buisnesses shutdown, kids are stuck at home, and the doors to the office are locked but the CEO sends out an email reminding all software developers to remotely work from home as long as they still have power and everyone else gets paid time off due to the weather.1
When you're done with your side of a project but you're waiting on other people.... Then you're the one that still gets bitched at by Mr. CEO man. Piss off, I've done my part. No I can't just upload it the way it is, no I won't upload it the way it is. Go tell the other spit fucks to get me their shit so I can finish the project.2
CEO offers me a position
CTO sends me 7 logical interview questions, including asking me to write a program that converts binary to decimal in Node...2
Whenever you feel the need to rant about your project manager, always remember you'd wish you had one if you reported directly to the CEO.3
I once worked at a really messy project that is best described as one gigant big bug. The CEO asked me how long it would take to fix it. At that point nobody knew since the code was a mess and new directives came all the time. So I answered that I sincerely didn't know. He responded angered with "How couldn't you know. When I read a book I know exactly how long it takes."... I quit4
The good: dotnet core RTM
The bad: my previous shitty work place, their shitty product, the very shitty TL that had no fucking idea how to lead or manage the team
The ugly: the shit storm I dropped on TL, group leader, CEO/CTO when I left...
when a dev fixes a memory leek issue but rebooting the server, and when ask why the production application crashes he casualty replies "I don't know but I restarted the server and its fine now..."7
Just began asking the CEO for pay for what I do. Looks like I'll get something soon. Not much though, we'll see what happens4
marquetting department: i need a new for on the website its urgent drop everithing else
dev: sure can you give me the text and the fields that should be on the form?
....1 week later
dev: do you havr the info
marketing: can you have ot online today
dev: yes just get me that content
.... you know where im going with this
After having been roasted for 2:30h by two of their dev leads, I've been invited to a final interview with the CEO tomorrow.3
Leave a "I will see you like a php team lead in five years" (CEO words) job and be a co-founder for a startup.
so the Sales Guy emails Me that he needs something ccing the CEO of my company bypassing all the Managers under who I am currently working with ?
May be I should feel good he didn't cced the U.S. President :/1
How hard it is percieved by management to do something in code is proportional to whether or not it's a task that sales or the CEO wants, versus what the developers need. Developers want to rewrite something, or fix infrastructure? Too much work can't justify it. Sales wants to clone Google Search? We'll expect it by next month.1
if we will make a list of female developers who are on devrant and are active, then list will end in less than twenty lines.
we should encourage more females to join the profession as they are excelling everywhere like as astranauts, politics etc.
I know abt yahoo ceo, I am just saying we need more and more.22
Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: Then Ok.
Dad goes to Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Than ok
Dad goes to the President of the World Bank.
Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK
Trustico CEO emailed private key which is used to sign TLS certificates, making more than 23k certificates compromised!
This makes me think, that we should not trust others for our security (like ca), failure of CA can put our website at risk. What is the better way to do it?
at the co-working space where I work today there was an argument between the CEO of this startup and their developer.
not really sure what it was about but at the end the developer was getting really frustrated and he shouted: "I'm telling you REST means HTTP!!".
I think all the developers around vomited on their keyboard.2
What's the smallest size start-up company you would work for? The American dream, of course, is to own your own company. If that option were off the table, would you work as a developer for a startup company that only had 3 other employees, including the CEO?4
A meeting between me, the CEO and the owner of a company. The subject: they asking me about my friend who decided to dropped their shitty company.1
<b>Issue #19: Kicker Table physics engine</b>
CEO: Physics engine is weird, please fix
Me: *levels table* Physics engine calibrated, needs further testing.
Any of you have built companies/businesses? I never thought that I'd think of making one but I'm thinking of doing it. Software companies or any other. I want to hear your stories 😄
my workstation, can't imagine to work without it,
waiting for dev rant stickers even left some space for them
Proudly running Ubuntu Gnome 16.043
Finally Travis Kalanick resigns as CEO after all the discrimination going on at Uber. https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/06/...=
Just walked up to the CEO of my high schools Association (3 schools).And asked for an internship. He'll be in touch with my principal. Holy shit 😰
when you hire a third party team and the ceo is so technically behind that the team starts treating you like an idiot as well.
Unlike my boss who can barely work a mac, i can use github so you dont have to send me a zip file.
Unlike my boss, you can use big words.
Unlike my boss, you dont have to treat me like im stupid.1
looking for a nice side project very badly..😖😖it sucks when you have nothing interesting to work on.4
Just wrote a routine that sent 77 emails (instead of one) to the CEO of a company we are working. Needless to say what happened after.1
Took three days off during an insanely busy period because had to take care of some shit back in the country I'm from. Didn't know what state I'd be in after this so despite having the flight now (in the evening), took the next day off as well in case I would be completely exhausted. Now, at the airport, who do I see? The CEO... Commence hide-and-seek :)
Talk shit, close the door to the people who have faith on you, that’s how good CEO, a man with dream, follows first principle do!
This is how mafia works!👎5
Had a Long discussion with stake owners and PM. Ended in despair over corporate guidelines and impossible demands from the board / CEO.
PM finally said: Fuckit, let's get a beer, i'm buying.
Best day so far this week.1
Taking over from/working with an external dev company on an existing project.
Listen Mr CEO, I'm not here to mess with your firm's code and undo all of your work. I'm just doing my job. Stop telling me that the only thing left to do is "data" without any context. The site that I'm here to work on isn't even finished.
Top 5 World’s Most Difficult Programming Languages
Never heard of any one of them,
how many u knew?6
So ive been seing a couple funny unattended PC pranks lests here yours!
my ultimate favourite : when someone walk of without locking his PC i go and switch his mouse to left handed. its hilarious how some ppl take for ever to figure it out.
so funny and constructive, you can gage problems solving on the fly! plus the average i now lock my pc goes up 90%7
CEO: I want the design to be *gibberish*, lemme see it when you're done, ye?
Marketing: Just do it this way, it looks neater. *Deletes 10 lines of code*
Lead Dev: Intern. What the f*#% are you doing? Rewrite that *points to HTML divs*
Me (intern): What am I even doing here? 😂
That feeling when company gave you a laptop on which you have to work and you cant work because your laptop is so weak that cant build solution because of constans crashes. Should i tell it to ceo? Guys help, first work and already problems :[5
To everyone indulged in the GitHub-Gitlab-Microsoft mayhem, have you read the blog post of GitHub's to-be-appointed CEO, Nat Freidman? It clears out a lot of things about the dev skepticism around this whole event.
I'll just leave it here: https://natfriedman.github.io/hello...1
Hey, glad you are here (10 am), you know that we got new prototypes with those various changes? We need to send one to CEO in hour and half, he wants to show off at some event, can you make it?
Well that's the way to start a day...
When you go to the hallway because your office is full of 5yo children, and you have complained about it and your boss told you "it's not that bad"
And YOU FOUND YOUR BOSS IN THE HALLWAY WORKING AS WELL.
i work with monkeys, proud to be moneys with a monkey lier ceo.
A few days ago I took some time off at short notice to help someone close to me with their medical condition.
On the same day the CEO of the company made a request that only I could've fulfilled out of 12 devs so yesterday I was reprimanded for it.
Why don't companies do something to actively increase the bus factor on projects?
nothing is better than starting the new year while working on a project,
first git commit of the year 2018
happy new year ranters1
So a certain functionality in one of our critical systems has to be refactorised and changed to accommodate a new workflow.
So after several days of CTO, CEO talking with me, as I lead this project. We don't have a solution, so the CEO solution is asking fucking everyone in the company.
Juniors that can not tell between an interface or an abstract class come to my desk to tell me how the system should be designed.
Thanks a lot management to make my life easier.
Back when rickrolling had hit critical mass - we decided to play a trick on a very fussy project manager. Long story short we embedded a very important message from the CEO of the company on a staging site. Said project manager was taken aback when Rick Astley took over the video.
i previously had Windows 10 and somehow my Windows was deleted so i installed Ubuntu and wiped the hard disk
can u suggest any full data recovery tool in linux from which i can recover the data i had in Windows.1
I've been programming for 15 years now or more if I count my years I programmed as a hobby. I'm mostly self learned. I'm working in an environment of a few developers and at least the same amount of other people (managers, sales, etc). We are creating Magento stores for middle sized businesses. The dev team is pretty good, I think.
But I'm struggling with management a lot. They are deciding on issues without asking us or even if I was asked about something and the answer was not what they expect, they ask the next developer below me. They do this all the way to Junior. A small example would be "lets create a testing site outside of deployment process on the server". Now if I do this, that site will never be updated and pose a security risk on the server for eternity because they would forget about it in a week. Adding it to our deployment process would take the same time and the testing site would benefit from security patches, quick deployment without logging in to the server, etc. Then the manager just disappears after hearing this from me. On slack, I get a question in 30 minutes from a remote developer about how to create an SSH user for a new site outside of deployment. I tell him the same. Then the junior gets called upstairs and ending up doing the job: no deployment, just plain SSH (SFTP) and manually creating the database. I end up doing it but He is "learning" how to do it.
An other example would be a day I was asked what is my opinion about Wordpress. We don't have any experience with Wordpress, I worked with Drupal before and when I look at a Wordpress codebase, I'm getting brain damage. They said Ok. The next day, comes the announcement that the boss decided to use Wordpress for our new agency website. For his own health and safety, I took the day off. At the end, the manager ended up hiring an indian developer who did a moderately fair job. No HiDPI sprites, no fancy SASS, just plain old CSS and a simple template. Lightyears worse than the site it was about to replace. But it did replace the old site, so now I have to look at it and identify myself part of the team. Best thing? We are now offering Wordpress development.
An other example is "lets do a quick order grid". This meant to be a table where the customer can enter SKU and quantity and they can theoretically order faster if they know the SKU already. It's a B2B solution. No one uses it. We have it for 2 sites now and in analytics, we have 5 page hits within 3 years on a site that's receiving 1000 users daily... Mostly our testing and the client looked at it. And no orders. I mean none, 0. I presented a well formatted study with screenshots from Analytics when I saw a proposal to a client to do this again. Guess what happened? Someone else from the team got the job to implement it. Happy client? No. They are questioning why no one is using it.
What would you do as a senior developer?
- Just serve notice and quit
- Try to talk to the boss (I don't see how it would work)
- Just don't give a shit1
if anyone has firmware or any custom rom for htc 728, please help me. I need it asap. every file that I downloaded and tried was curropted while installing
CEO of my company often walks in our office with a joke: "I can't hear you do bit & byte".
I still don't catch it.
yeah we have a guy that actively paints himself into corners. last time was an api he was saying yeah there just this last field to put in, then when you open the code because of the bs reaspn he gives you for not finishing it you realize you have to wreak everithing and start pver cuz there is no ways in hell this would work. and thats just the tip of the iceberg....
A meeting where the client's UX evangelist kept interrupting her CEO and our team's developers when trying to discuss an issue. Her reason? "I'm bored and you talk too much".
So tomorrow I'm talking to the CEO of the company I applied a job for as the 4th step of the recruitemenr process. Kind of nervous about it because I don't know what to expect from this interview. Any advice?😬😬😬1
I work at startup we have CEO, CMO, COO, CFO, but the guy who hired for CTO prefer to be called IT Director (came from corporate), he always busy checkin wifi problem, also he always prefer calendar using whiteboard (did he know google calendar exists?).
Want to become CEO in a big ass megacorp in your 50ties? Read this study.
If you ever saw person posting picture from work ask if they got permission from CEO otherwise someone will have problems 😁
Convince the CEO of my small company to branch out to games because I am too inept to start a company of my own.2
I am currently creating a module where I have to put data in xls sheet from a given data, which contains date column,.
I have generated the sheet and the respective date column also has the format of Date which is default of Microsoft Excel.
But the big question noew arises that I am not able to sort the data according to the date column, the sorting is not working correctly.
If anyone has ever worked on this please tell!!3
I just started out as a frontend developer | UX Designer at my company and my CEO calls me the "UX guy" but I've never done any UX work! No interaction with users, no planning out a UI by considering their true need, I just design and develop the necessary pages and add functionality based on what my CEO tells me. That's it, I'm removing UX from my designation from now on, as I don't have any experience in that field even though my experience tells otherwise.7
Reading code and getting that face palm moment
String code = customer.getCode();
Ok this is preparing the customer obj makes sence.
Some 20 lines later
just completed my first side project today after one and a half months of hard work.
Check it out:-
Please provide any suggestions and improvements.4
Going through some code I was handed to do an emergency project... Think of an aspx site that follows no design rule, like database access directly in the code behind. No models ect. So I'm going through this section that calls a function good start. Open the function find a class that contain code to access the database.. Humm ok this part look better that the rest. Read the code that validates if it exist in the database and gets the type back. So far so good then there is a get details function call.... Open up the fct ... Started crying... There is a 200+ lines switch case that goes over the type previously fetched..... And the type is stringed compare in the biggest switch case I've ever seen.... Fthis... I'm out1
Developers are magical machines powered by coffee that can make something out of nothing. The CEO machine runs on expensive Amazonian coffee and comes up with ideas and unreasonable deadlines. Daisy chaining them makes the CEO machine's idea into a product with uncommented code and console.log()s left over from development.
I am using Ubuntu+Windows 10 on my laptop
I have partitioned the hard disk in such a way that I have a portion where ubuntu is installed, a portion where windows is installed, and 2 other partitions which both ubuntu use common for data storage
it has been working fine till now
but today out of nowhere I am not able to access some folders on the common 2 drives in windows,
I am able to access all the folders in ubuntu but not in windows.
it says you don't have rights to access the folder
i try to change the settings the settings freeze and den I am not able to do anything
I have tried icacls in cmd but it's not working
any suggestions on how to fix this problem??2
Discovered jetBrains dotPeek today.
Wow ive decompile dll beforr but this is insanely good. I feel like i have the original sources to debug this POS lib now4
Stand ups , why , I could easily just ask the guy next to me what changed in the last 7 of sleep In which I didn't see him, but nooo mister CEO must have it his way2
Code written by Ex-Microsoft guy with a degree from one of the MOST prestigious engineering college in India (Even better than the one current Google CEO Sundar Pichai went to)
I am reading third book
“The Cult of Fog Island” and now I am 100% sure that shitting on employees and micromanagement are forms of cult and sect.
People who do it are narcissistic dumb fucks just wanting to lick CEO or their own ass and get prize for what they didn’t do.
Well fuck them I hope they burn in hell.
Ceo complaining about the app taking one minute to log with facebook/twitter.
Was using shitty wifi network 😤
Which should I choose:
Company A: much better pay and benefits, team seems nice, Glassdoor citing quite bad reviews about CEO and upper management.
Company B: current company. uninteresting field, team in distance, tech lead likes micro management and quite annoying in general. In middle of a project.6
Our only PM out 3 weeks on vacation, we are now only developers, our CEO and CTO. None of them have any idea of being a PM - just ask random questions about work, hands the phone to us whenever a customer calls - Generally have clue whats going on. FML!1
A parade of planning meetings every Monday where the whole executive team (including the CEO) sits in. Each meeting was an hour long and it took up their whole day.
It was ridiculous how unproductive that was. Continues to this day AFAIK!
'Tech debt' is the word that every CEO hates to hear during roadmap review.
Instead, talk about how certain part of the code will drastically slow down future development, make it more difficult to troubleshoot, and reduce engineering happiness overall.1
What should I expect from a final stage interview with a startup CEO/Co-founder? This will be the 3rd (and hopefully last) interview.4
Once upon a time I worked for a startup in school as one of two developers.
I learned many technologies in this role. I built massive front end systems, debugged back end systems. They even gave me a little section on their site that was all about me and giving me credit for me work. The only actual employee was the "CEO, owner, and designer". A team of three in total.
Inevitably the company went under but the site remains. A skeleton of a dead dream. The CEO took my name and info off their website and took credit for all the work I put months into. I was never paid, never giving any recognition whatsoever for the work I did.
I'm not looking for an award or anything like that, but like bro?!?? I built your companies interface for free and you throw me out like trash.
Wtf is being a developer?!?4
I have failed my computer organization and architecture module because i didn't understand assembly language.
Anyone with links to the best x86 assembly programming please share.
Client: Are we getting the finished site next Monday?
Supervisor: no it should be the week after, that's the date I have on our dev schedule.
1st week into the project, we pointed out the PM messed up the project end date (he took beginning of the final week instead of the end of week) and apparently he(& CEO) didn't bother to inform the client about the mistake.
WTF PM you f-ed up every single project since joining the company
i have a hp laptop and Windows 10
I wanna install ubuntu but all my previous attempts have been unsuccessful
- "what does that function do?"
- "I don't know"
- "how you don't know !? you are maintaining the project."
- "how do I know what 'ConvertFromDataTableToOther' will do !! it has two inner loops that exchange some columns!"
When CEO is doing code review ..