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Manager: So great news, we will also be building a new app this year!!
Dev: We only have 2 devs and we already struggling to maintain/build our current portfolio of applications. I don’t think we have the resources to support another.
Manager: Nonsense, this is a very small project management app that was requested by the CEO himself!
Dev: …We already have MS project, why can’t they just use that?
Manager: The executive team isn’t interested in learning MS Project, it’s way too complicated. They want us to build an internal version of MS Project one feature at a time so they can pick it up over time instead of getting overwhelmed with learning MS Project all at once. It also needs to have loads of customizable automation features so leadership doesn’t ever have to get “in the weeds” having to work with it. It needs to basically run itself!
Dev: …What about this is small?
Manager: Well that is the requirement.
I had an interview yesterday with the CEO of a startup going into Series A for the position of Principal Developer, remote. I've only ever heard of 'tech-bros', but I was unfortunate to meet one in-person. It went something like this:
CEO-bro: Good morning.
CEO-bro: It says here on your resume you live in X. That place is a shithole, and I have to look down on you because of that, bro. LoL.
(40 minutes of self-promotion pass)
CEO-bro: Anyway, we don't pay high salaries but offer bonuses for high performing staff instead. I'll ask HR to send you an offer.
Me: Let me think about it.
CEO-bro: One question bro. You have siblings?
CEO-bro: Parents still alive?
CEO-bro: Yeah, me too. People like us don't let anything get in the way.
I wrote them an email this morning withdrawing my application 🤦🏽♂️11
My college organised some interview with a company, with the whole demn class. We went there, it was quite far away (50km) and the CEO invites us to a meeting room.
Where he bores me for 2 hours talking about their projects in argiculture and NSA like spying systems at tankstations.
They were caputuring license plates at gas stations and with that information gather data about the person, such as salary (by looking at their car), house adres ect. All without people knowing. And than targeting them with specific ads and offers.
The class of sheep were super excited but it pissed me off. Because he told it like it was some awesome advancement in technology that none of us could probably ever do.
He was demeaning us, saying we would do some simple wordpress sites there and other things. We are probably not good enough forc te big stuff.
Asking him some really hard questions about his projects made him so pissed he almost wanted to kick me out.
When it was finally over, there was some test that you have to do if you want to work there. If you were good enough at the test, you could!!!! (YEEY)
Uhm, I said; no thank you I dont want to work here.
Later I talked to my classmate and friend who always thinks he's better then everyone in class even tho he barely understands OOP programming. He was asking me if he should try to get the internship. I told him; dont. They have no value for us and they think they are the greatest company on the planet.
The fucking idiot go so pissed, he stopped talking to me alltogether and blocked me everywere. I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. Just because I gave my FUCKING opinon about a company he likes for no reason.
So this idiot does the test (which was fucking simple btw, I did it too and compared the results and I had 95%) He gets invited for another interview and gets told he will be paid 200 euro's per month 😂. and a free meal everyday!! 😪 hahaha . That doesnt even cover commuting costs!
My "friend" told him that the train costs more every day. You know what the CEO said? "Yeah but you can learn so much here the also brings value and you're just a last year student. But I think you are really brave for asking more"
So in the end, he couldnt take the internship and I was fucking right. Really I hate these kinds of companies thinking they are heaven on earth when they are clearly not.
I am happy I told them no before putting my dignity on thd line.14
I was a bit drunk.
But I wanted to improve security of the company. So, I went in Azure and activated “Security defaults” which forces MFA for all users in the company. (Because RH always forget to enable MFA for new employees, and I actually care about security)
Then I went in office 365 management and instead of resetting MFA for all users (Forcing everyone to redo MFA setup), I (by mistake) clicked on reset all passwords.
I tested my own account it was fine and went to sleep.
Got a call from CEO at 7am, all 30 employees cannot login in, cannot work.
What a shit show I made…
I have a call with CEO in about 2 hours, I don’t even know how to justify myself…
So children: don’t activate company wide options while drunk. Ever.23
Some 'wk306' highlights from different people:
Walk around the office in his underwear, because he forgot he left his trousers in the bathroom
Run a red light outside the office due to not wearing his required glasses. When questioned by co-workers, replied "I don't follow those facist rules"
Asking if we work less will we get paid more, because the project will take longer to do (while in a startup with no funding trying to secure some)
Tell a senior dev to stop testing in his spare time, as we won't be able to release on time if he keeps finding critical security bugs
Telling me "your timezone is not my concern", when asking for help with new tooling so we don't have to be online at the same time
Blaming my team for requesting too much help, leading to his team missing deadlines, in a meeting with very senior managers. When the reason we were requesting help was the handover doc we were given was filled with lies about features being finished and "ready to ship" and lacking any unit tests
Being accused of bullying and harassment to the CEO, because someone asked "did you follow up with X about the partnership they emailed us about". The person who was responsible, forgot 4 times, and saw it as an "attack" to mention it in team meetings
Telling an entire office/building mid November they've secured funding for at least the next year, then announcing in January after the Christmas break that its cheaper to move to India, so they are closing the office in 30 days3
My worst interview ever was my first interview fresh out of college. After the initial phone screen, they asked me to drive 2 hours to their office to give me a "code challenge."
The challenge was to spend 4 hours writing a simple rest API for a blog type thing, but the catch was to not use any existing libraries for data access and instead write an entirely database agnostic DAL. Then after I finished they sat me in a conference room with 3 of their engineers and the CEO to just tear apart my code.
For a JUNIOR position to someone fresh out of college.
I guess I defended it well, because they asked to continue the process l, but after that I found a different position.4
Don’t know if I should be worried that I received an invite to a 1-on-1 meeting with the company CEO…16
My dev colleagues, the ceo, a external designer and me (dev) are sitting in the meeting room
and we discuss the result from the designer. He designed a complete relaunch of a
small CRM for the logistics sector.
The designer is a designer as you know him, big beart, small macbook, chai late
and he designed nothing, he hired a freelancer from romania.
My boss studied software development in the 80s but didn't really developed a software
for about 20 years, but he thinks he knows all and everything.
My boss is constantly complaining about the colors in the design and he would like
a iOS approach. Our system should complete copy the styles from iOS.
The really funny thing happend in just 1 minute. My boss is complaining again about the
colors and told the blue color is way to dark and the designer meant thats not possible the
blue color very bright. My boss sat next to the designer and looked not on the wall where
the picture was thrown from a projector, instead he looks from the side in the macbook screen
of the macbook which was in front of the designer. Then the designer says "Oh my god, the color
changes if I look from the side or from the top of the macbook." The Designer was blown away. My
boss couldn't believe it and did the same movements with his head and said. "Wow, you are right
the color changes".
We all other people couldn't believe that they are so dumb and thought this must be a joke. But
that wasn't a joke. After the meetin my boss told everyone in our company his results regarding the screen.
I wrote every story in a document, and I'm planning to create a book with dumb shit like this.2
I have an interview with a CEO and product owner next week for the position of principal developer. The job ad which got me here stated 'Any additional skills you have will be viewed favorably'.
I've had my ass burned by that crap at least once before. When they ask about private projects, I'm just going to say "I love my job so much, I do it in my free time too!"3
Looking around where I work, I'm reminded of when I was young and ambitious, like all the other kids around me at the time, with a dislike for all the older dudes and dudettes in upper management. With the exception of three other guys around my age, everyone, including the CEO, was in high school, middle school, elementary school, or not even born yet when I started my career. Just like them, I was plucky and chatty and (trying to be) funny and social. I didn't know how fast I would go from that set to the old fat guy that they look askance at and wonder how I'm still around with my weird ways and "boomerish", socially retarded behavior. What's really galling is that I'm solidly Gen X, like some of them, but I guess I talk more like a Boomer because my parents were older when I was born and I was kinda raised in that mindset. I'm the office schlub now. A man out of my time. And I've never been in any kind of upper management, even. I am Kevin Malone.3
A few Challenges at my job:
- a CEO with zero tech skills and zero memory.
- a sysadmin with literal brain damage and epilepsy (but he's great, we just have had to learn how to deal with it)
- another (volunteer) sysadmin who we call @God on Slack and who usually only shows up in extreme crises.
- the budget of a tiny organization, the web traffic of a huge site.
- incoherent business logic subject to the whims of volunteers and the loudest users
- a main revenue stream that contradicts our main mission.
it's fun! woot.1
I was working as a software dev contractor at this company providing specific e-learning services for a specific industry X.
One day the CEO posts on Linkedin about an interview discussing the potential of gaining $100k per year working in industry X after getting specialized training for 6 months (using our e-learning platform of course) .
My gross income at the time was $65k. My experience was about 7-8 years. Now the thing is you might say "gee that's pretty low for a dev, especially a contractor", and yes I agree, but you have to understand a few facts:
1. I am from eastern Europe (cheapish labor - which btw for all of you out there from the West, including Germany and whatnot, it is xenophobic to consider easterners cheap and it personally insults me and my ability - but that's another story)
2. I was happy to accept the offer since it was the best I had up to that point :))
Now, by the time the LinkedIn post I was heavily invested in the product development. I personally had written 30% of the code (frontend and backend) compared to the whole development team (about 15 devs)... and yes you might argue that performance is not measured by number of lines of code... but trust me when I am saying I did the most on that product, and I am not saying this to brag, I actually care about the stuff that I work on.
When I saw that post on Linkedin I thought to myself "what kind of BS is this? I am a dev and devs are supposedly the best paid workers out there, and a guy from industry X that just got trained for 6 months would get more than me?! WTF?!"
So I messaged the CEO ...
Me: I noticed the post from linkedin about $100k by working in industry X, I am curious how does one get to that revenue per year? What is your advice?
CEO: The best way to obtain value is by creating value which you maximize continuously.
Me: and how does one maximize value?
CEO: it does not matter how hard your work but how large of an impact you make!
Me: ... and how do you measure impact? (me thinking about performance reviews for contract negotiations - and because performance reviews should be SMART -> meaning it should be measurable somehow)
CEO: Simon Sinek says ... << insert motivational quote here because I don't remember and don't care >>
I just lost if after reading the name "Simon Sinek" ...
So you see my dear friends ? It is all fairy dust, smoke and mirrors, in the end it is about maximizing profits, lowering costs and maintaining the illusion of opportunity... when there is none.
Lord is my witness... I hate hypocrisy and quackery ...
You can imagine that my contribution on that product immediately lowered, doing the bare minimum to meet the contract demands AND I FEEL NO REGRET.
%&#$ YOU SIMON SINEK.4
I'm fucking tired of putting my efforts into bug fixes.
5 years of web. I never had a client that likes to keep it's crappy slow piece of shit product on the market in the exact same way it is.
If they didn't sell it to state employees (and good luck for them if they do not use it) their product would be dead.
That's the only way they get money: bids. And the minimum a state pays is 15 MILLION.
And they don't have 90K to pay another dev to help creating a new product.
Their CEO fucking REJECTS anything that's not a bug fix. Once he said to our PM:
"It's pretty and more fast, but wasn't this way that made me rich"
I'm thinking I'm getting another client, seriously. Everyday the same thing breaks and they already know the fucking answer:
WE NEED TO FUCKING REFACT
CREATE A NEW FUCKING PROJECT
This shit is making crazy. I can't sleep. I can't eat and I'm always fucking tired, no matter what I do.
I need to stop working for Brazilians.
I'll try US, Canada or somewhere in Europe.8
so... the next step from programmer/developer is always an entrepreneur/business?
i see my daily work : i open my laptop, i see tickets from my company which include bug fixes, new feature development, some discussions , etc. i fix the bugs, make the features, add my points in discussion and the day is done.
from company's point of view, i am an ideal developer. in some years i will become a senior dev, which i guess involves similar stuff but different weightage (or is it different? please comment) . after that, we become tech lead , then engineering lead , then mts1 then mts 2... etc
i am guessing you guys must have similar trajectories in your company. from what i know, some people don't continue this trajectory (from boredom, lust for money , other reasons) and instead go on building a new product / starting a company , going into managerial/ entrepreneurial role.
so this is one kind of goal : "i will learn tech enough to launch my own company and be a ceo of it". i can't relate much to it. why go into tech when you wanna launch a product? why not just go into business schools from the day1 and get business knowledge?
anyways the above are the questions that i don't really want an answer for, those are just my criticisms.
but my main question is : what about those people who DON'T want to go on launching some business?
- do you people exist?
- what's your goal? is it around the lines of "learning all the tech of the world to be the cto or chief engineer of a company"
- how do you plan to achieve it?
honestly i want to be the second kind of person, i.e the one who always codes/ aims to code but can't seem to find a proper path/goal to it. plus the job security that i have seen with businesses/entrepreneurs throughout my life, my introvert mind fails to see "just coding" as a success.
i am 23 , but i fear that when i am 40 and my 5 yo kids comes to home seeing his dad sitting against laptop "just coding" , they will feel more insecure against their friends whose father has some shop or founder of some funded startup
(40 yo dads, share your views on life too , please )7
[CMS Of Doom™]
Ah, yes, their built-in bullshit newsletter module just sent the n-th user n emails. Wonderful considering n=368.
The culprit? Better don't ask...
OK, anyway: So the mailer is running as a CRONjob, but nah, not as a console script call but by a public HTTP GET URL call, fucking obviously (it's the CMS Of Doom for a reason).
So these fucking imbeciles "implemented" an ob_start() callback where HTML links are - for whatever fucking reason - modified by some regex (obviously everybody knows parsing HTML by Regex is trivial). In this case the link was somehow modified to recall the mailer Cronjob...
This must have upset the pngoing mailing process thus spamming mails. Whyyyy
And I've thought I've seen it all after 6 months in this legacy hell...
This is why you don't run a company consisting of only beginners in PHP (in cluding their "CEO")!
Hey! This is a followup to my last story.
TL;DR: I thinking of quitting my old job, got an offer at a startup, about the same pay, but much better working conditions.
First of all, the meeting with my lead. It was a performance report on her side to me, and I got 100 to 110% in performance in all points. My lead said "this team without you wouldn't be this team anymore" - which makes me feel a little bit bad for her if I decide to quit. She is a great team lead, but I don't belive the old company is worth my time anymore.
Now to the new company. Shortly after that performance report meeting, I had a call with the ceo, and what do I have to say besides: What a cool dude. He listened to me, asked me questions about my previous jobs (not just as programmer) and so on. But because first looks are deceiving, I went to their office last thursday. And wow. Their are exactly what I imagined them to be. Cool, young folks, 100% tech enthusiasts, and open minded.
One of the new hires in the new company wanted a 6 months internship between his studies. Instead they offered him a full time job - for the 6 months. They even offered me to pay back my scholarship that I will own my old company for leaving early. This is awesome.
The only things that will be worse than my old job are, that I have to negotiate payment instead of yearly increases, 4 days less paid vacation, so only 26 days, and 40h weeks. And they have no workers council, which isn't good, but it's not the worst either.
I got them fixed on 57.000€, not including an up to 10.000€ annual bonus. The way you achieve your bonus seems good to. It's split in two parts, internal and external bonus. Internal bonus is when you engage with internal events like tech calls, sharing your knowledge on your main IT topics, etc. External Bonus is a bit more complicated, but also straight forward. You work on projects for customers, and if you have less than 3 weeks a year that you dont participate in an project, you get the full bonus.
Last friday, I filed a request for a certificate of employment from my current team lead, this is odd for her because I have never done it before, and she asked why I requested it. I said to her that we can talk about it, and she agreed but didn't call me, yet.
Lastly, another good friend of mine will be employed by my team soon, but for a fraction of the payment that I currently receive! He is doing the exact same work, and even worse, he is doing project managment for his main developer project too! And is getting less paid... I just cant...
Yesterday we needed to update a few cloud instances, the only other person who knows about setting up CICD and our OpenShift Containers than me is only in part time and works two days a week, his trainee didn't know anything, so it's up to me. This isn't hard or anything, but it shows that this system our mangement maintains will fail soon, maybe even with me going? I sure hope so tbh.
One of you guys said, I should go to my team lead and negotiate a higher pay, but the truth is, that because we are a big ISP we have an collective agreement for payment and are grouped by tasks (which is bull shit btw, because I'm doing tasks much higher paid than currently). This also means that I cannot simply jump in another group, and can only increase my current pay to about 115%, which is done automatically every year by 5% up to 115%. Anything above is considered extra, but I don't think they will go with it.
I will decide this week about my future at the old company, but I really don't know what to do...2
In several occasions I run rm -rf * in the wrong folder (or wrong server!!).
No big deal so far, but I had to spent more time to redo my work since Linux has no fucking recycle bin like Win!
So I created this helper function to give my brain a few seconds to think before my finger hit Enter.
echo "WARNING:Delete all files? Type fluffycat to proceed"
if [ "$x" = "fluffycat" ]
echo "Deleting all files..."
rm -rf *
Hehehe... I am a genius 😎18
Software business partner will make your life hell and the CEO holds a lot of shares in this company. Aka you can't fire them even if they suck donkey dongs.
I assigned work to my minions aka Jr. Devs for the first time. Feels great. Is this what being a CEO feels like?5
It seems my ceo actively goes around telling people to micromanage. I always thought that was bad.2
I was sad this morning, because my thesis supervisor being an asshole that I seriously considering to just drop out..
Then I checked my bank statement and salary of 2 months has been deposited today.
Who needs that fucking degree when I earn more than you?
Who's the joke now?! 🤜🤡🤡
I am going to give them a middle finger tomorrow.😉6
I finally found the courage to quit my $5/hr freelance job I just sent out a long letter and message to the CEO letting him know that I’m done damn why the fuck do I feel nervous ?4
Should I become the CEO of Xerox, I pledge to rename the company to "Jerome Inc.", and naming our highest performance printing machine "Powell".
Also, I'm going to legally change my name to William "Bill" Printer.1