CS Professor: “What M word is the black hole to all productivity?”

Student: “Management”

CS Professor: “Was going to say meetings but that’s better”

Ok so 10 yrs ago:-

Professor: Make this web front-end with blah blah blah pages.

*I create the thing and submit it*

<Next lecture i come in class and the projector is showing my website>

<I get excited that im bout to be praised for my work infront of whole class>

<I grab a seat>

Professor: I had high hopes from you. I did not expect PLAGRISM from YOU.

Me: Wwwwwwhaaaaaaaaaat the faaaaaaaaaaaaq??? Where is it which part????

Professor: Ive seen "lorem Ispem" before somewhere else. This is fucking plagrism.

<I sat 15 mins in disbelief>
<Got out of class>
<Dropped out of the course>

Professor : Explain deadlock and I will give you full marks.

Me:- You give me full marks and I'll explain deadlock.

Professor: How to create a file in Linux?
Students: gedit
Me: touch
*Everybody stares at me*

Professor: "Who here regularly backs up all their data?"
*Some people raise their hands*
Professor: "Who has at some point lost their data?"
*The exact same people raise their hands*

"Professor, my if loop isn't working!"
IF LOOP!?!?!?!! 😫🔫

I'd do this soon to piss the professor off

today at programming class...

professor: today we will be teaching you about vim and using the terminal and ssh. those who are smart enough to know these may leave the class, but be sure to sign the attendance sheet.

me: *starts packing and stands up and walks up to the front to sign*
me: *turns around*

EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING AT ME. i was the one only who stood up and the professor was also looking at me like "wtf this doesnt happen everyday". and so i walked out of there and im so proud of myself lmfao

DO YOU FUCKING SERIOUSLY TELL US IN THE SECOND SEMESTER OF OUR MASTERS DEGREE THAT WE SHOULD BE CAREFUL THAT ARRAYS START WITH 0?!?

University highlight

Professor: I uploaded 25 C exercises with a 3 week deadline at eclass.

*4 hours later* Me: I completed the exercises.

Professor: ﴾͡๏̯͡๏﴿ O'RLY?

Me: Let me show you

???

Professor : Feel free to skip class for the rest of the month

Well played!

When your professor pronounces Git as "jit", you know it's time you drop out.

"Python is such a hard language. It has so many rules" - Undergraduate Student who sent out mass email to the class

*Professor makes the next assignment in ARM Assembly*

Networking Professor: Alright, how many of you disagree with the way Google collects and uses data?

*basically everyone in the lecture hall raises their hands*

Professor: Okay, now if you were offered a job at Google, how many of you would still take it?

*everyone raises their hands.*

I dream of the day a professor gives me a question that requires a meme be made lmao

Halloween joke, anyone?

"If you want a slutty costume for Halloween, you should go as my professor. He barely covers anything important" 😁

My professor( 2 yrs ago) : Why r u wasting ur time on Python. Learn Java or .net , u will get a good job.

Now she asked me for python tutorials cause she needs it for her PHd. 😂😂😂

Professor at Uni: "Missing a semicolon on yozr final exam could be a reason to fail that exam. Coding on paper is much better because that is what you will be doing on the job. "

Hate those written Java exams on paper.

"Windows is better than Java".

A classmate literally screamed that out in class.
He'd heard me often bash Windows, I was just in the middle of a friendly debate about Java with the professor, so in a desperate attempt to get attention, his brain concocted this diarrhea of a sentence. And he doesn't even know how stupid what he said was.

In my web dev class today the person beside me was having an issue. The professor comes over and tells him to open the HTML file in whatever browser he wants. His exact words were: "Use your favorite browser."

The kid opened fucking IE.

Professor in OS lab: Open up Cygwin and try some Linux commands

Me: Opens up dual boot Ubuntu and runs the commands on Terminal

Professor looks at my system: Is this the latest Windows 10 ?

Me: ...

Our Web Technology professor taught us this in the year 2016, he said and I quote,

"HTML frames are the latest technologies in the www and are supported by new generation browsers only, for example Netscape navigator."

It's saddening to see that most of the students in my programming class don't care about programming :(

And it's heart breaking to see that the professor is using html4 instead of html5. 😣😣

The professor teaching my Web Applications course (which is taught in PHP) just admitted to learning PHP two weeks before the course started 🤦🏻‍♂️

My CS professor just told my class of 200 people that 1 is a prime number.

You can practically hear centuries of mathematicians rolling over in their graves

"There are different types of crack"
- My IT professor addressing software piracy and drugs at the same time

Back when I was in college I had this CS professor who was by far the worst I can remember. The class was some bullshit 100 level required intro to CS course, and the guy tried to make it as difficult as possible. Beyond that, he was just a bad professor and did stupid things.

One of the most memorable things he did was give homework assignments, and then in order to collect them (it was a lecture class of about 150 people), he would have everyone pass their printed assignments to the right, and these sheets of paper traveled all the way across the lecture hall in every row of seats. It was a complete mess.

As you can probably guess, he frequently misplaced homework assignments, and many were probably lost through this ridiculous method of turning them in. Some people almost failed this ridiculously easy class because he lost their homework assignments. I think he lost like one of mine so it didn't matter much, but some other people in the class almost failed because of this. I think in the end he had to make a lot of exceptions because of this obvious trend.

Beyond that, he was an older guy who had worked for IBM, and he made that known at least once per class, usually more. "IBM this, IBM that!" So fucking annoying.

I'm glad to be long done with college.

I remember some years ago when a professor asked -
"What is the difference between SQL and MySQL?"

And one of the students answered -
Uh... I don't know... SQL is more like a general SQL and MySQL is a personal SQL...

:|

In Networking lab,
Professor: Install PuTTY in Ubuntu & try SSH commands
Me : *cries*

*Professor explains about UI*
Me: Sir, What is UX?
Professor: Advanced thing!
Me: ????

Completed a project for my final year CS degree and my professor rejected saying it is of very few lines of code.Hope he learns to evaluate projects on complexity and logic rather than number of lines of code. :/

You call it C sharp. My professor calls it C hashtag. I call it C pound sign.

A Professor of mine - We need u to build that website so that your juniors could work on it too after u leave.

Me - Sure, I'll have docs and vcs

Prof : Whatever, at the end we need the "exe" ready.

---------😇

Professor essentially doing a dance to show data visualisation:
“Hey pay attention! I’m trading my dignity for your education”

My friend build a website on Ruby on Rails for his semester end project.He used Lorem ipsom to represent text.
Our professor thought he used some template and gave him 0.

Professor refers to Linus Torvalds as the most arrogant developer. Says no one uses Git and thinks it has no advantages over SVN. Forces us to use SVN. :'(

I used to sit next to my friend Mira in class. I did all the homeworks and extra homeworks, she didn't. I had better grades in intermediate exams. When the final grade came, I had a grade lower than hers.

When the next semester started, I met that professor again. He called me Mira! 😡

My professor once asked us to brainstorm a good topic for our IT seminar/workshop.

I suggested version control using Git.

She simply shrugged it off. She said she needed a topic that the class can use. WTF.

My bio professor has a word doc called passwords that she keeps on an unencrypted external hard drive.

She leaves the hard drive in the room with all of her other stuff when she goes for a break between classes.

My old professor: Your keyboard looks like those ones in old 60s.

Me: WAT?

*5 years ago*

So i failed an exam in Prog1 on university because I wrote the program in OOP instead of "just" programming it. My professor said that we didn't learn OOP yet and I didn't do what he asked for...

A few weeks ago at infosec lab in college

Me: so I wrote the RSA code but it's in python I hope that's ok (prof usually gets butthurt if he feels students know something more than him)

Prof: yeah, that's fine. Is it working?

Me: yeah, *shows him the code and then runs it* here

Prof: why is it generating such big ciphertext?

Me: because I'm using big prime numbers...?

Prof: why are you using big prime numbers? I asked you to use 11, 13 or 17

Me: but that's when we're solving and calculating this manually, over here we can supply proper prime numbers...

Prof: no this is not good, it shouldn't create such big ciphertext

Me: *what in the shitting hell?* Ok....but the plaintext is also kinda big (plaintext:"this is a msg")

Prof: still, ciphertext shows more characters!

Me: *yeah no fucking shit, this isn't some mono/poly-alphabetic algorithm* ok...but I do not control the length of the ciphertext...? I only supply the prime numbers and this is what it gives me...? Also the code is working fine, i don't think there's any issue with the code but you can check it if there are any logic errors...

Prof: *stares at the screen like it just smacked his mom's ass* fine

Me: *FML*

“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

very long pause….

“Java.”

-courtesy of a software engineering professor

My algorithms professor uses safari on Windows as his main browser

When your professor tries to tell you no one uses git in industry and you feel bad for all the other students who believe him. Side note: he is convinced everyone uses subversion.

I remember when my professor in Linux Kernel Programming told us this is a programmers bible, everyone has this one right ?

I was just chatting with my professor after class and I got on the topic of my class that makes us use Visual Studio 2010 and he seemed very interested in that, so come to find out, he's "the guy that makes sure classes are using up-to-date technology"

I was like OH SHITTTT

From a slide that my professor created. Thank God it didn't create a fight in the class!

I took an AI class and we'd have weekly AI poker tournaments. I beat everyone in the class every week except one, and I even beat the professor a handful of times!

Poor Dijkstra is probably crying in his grave because my professor calls him "digest-tra" 😢 feelsbadman

I see people complaining about their CS professors quite frequently. Meanwhile, my CS professor stays late and is always willing to help us out with our work. I've been to his office twice this week to get help with assignments, and each time he's glad to help.

Oh and he offers us a soda as we get ready to leave. He has a filing cabinet full of can sodas. 100% my favorite professor I've ever had.

Coming out the test today. There is a message from the Professor in the back of the test.

Solving a problem with a different, simpler solution than the one the professor intended and having to go back and recode it the way he wanted

Actual quote from professor regarding homework that has us recreate the ArrayList: "If you import ArrayList I will punch you in the Goddamn mouth!"

This semester ought to be fun

(Senior level engineering course and our professor used to work for NASA. This can lead to some fun anecdotes during class.)

Professor: “Because the ends have such a small surface area, you can neglect them in your calculations.”

Student: "What would NASA do?"

Professor: *without missing a beat* “They'd probably use the wrong units and crash into Mars."

I had a professor, in college that believed "sometimes we have to fire customers. There are bad customers and it serves no purpose to spend time and effort in serving them when they burn you out and are simply bad customers" and I share that vision.

"Fatal Error"
Exceptions? No, let's just halt the entire program.

Apparently a CS professor wrote this code.

"Needed to keep the compiler happy"

Our professor in our college deliberately makes a mistake in the program and ask people how it happened.
If someone solves it he complements them and it really makes them feel motivated.
I think he is the best professor 😊😊

Today at college our professor was dictating Debain update command - "sudo apt-get update"

Person next to me complained it didn't work for him. Peeped into his screen to see - "pseudo apt-get update"

The time I had to explain to my CS professor that HTML elements can in fact have multiple classes.

Day 1 of my CIT major:

Professor: "...and if we use the right mouse button to click on any file, we can access a complete menu of secondary actions."

It's going to be a long semester.

Actual quote of our database professor in third semester: "Databases are a lot like sausage making. Once you know how it's made you don't want it anymore".

Our professor in operating system lecture, topic: multiprocessing, today: "Just kill all children".

So today, i taught my professor something, and he was genuinely curious. I also told him about my part time job building websites. He is a really cool guy and wasn't a dick about a student knowing something more than himself. There should be more professors like him.
What a wonderful world we live in!

I always grew up with the "programmers are wizards" idea in mind. Of course, I understood it was just a joke. But on my first day in university I went to my first CS class... And my professor looked exactly like a wizard.

"we gave you (the students) a choice if you want to learn data mining in matlab, java, python or c. most of you chose python. the results were horrible, so we decided to teach you in matlab instead"
- professor

ARE U FCKING KIDDING ME

My code just broke during a presentation and I wasn't there to fix it. My CS professor got embarrassed in front of a bunch of future students.

I had made a last-minute change right before going on vacation... Never doing that again!

What my professor teaches:
This is a mouse and this is a keyboard

What he asks in exams:
How do you use this particular keyboard and this mouse to create a potato?

That is pretty much what always happened.. Even in theoretical exams.. :|

"C Vectors, Python Lists and Java Arrays are all the same things!" - my IT professor.

He's really talented... :D Don't you guys think? And the fun part is that these "gems" are quite common lately...

I hope I'll graduate soon ;_;

I had a professor in college who was "the expert in java programming language". He had a unique way of teaching.

P: So you save your java file and run this command.
*Some error occurs*
Me: But this is showing some error
P: Exactly. I wanted to show this exact same error so that you learn that this is not how its done. I will let you figure it out how its done and it will be your assignment for the day. Class dismissed.

Our professor once asked us to 'mess up' the functionality of a PHP script with one shell command for fun. People tried different things like occupying the port, messing with access rights etc.

My friend just wrote a 'sed' command to replace all the underscores with an empty space...😂

It goes without saying that he stole the show.

When my partner in a project has a sudden change of heart and confesses to the the professor that he cheated and we both get a negative mark(-8 marks) even though i didn't know or participate in cheating 😡

Fucking teammate who did not know how to read/write a simple class diagram.
We warned him that he have to study or we just kick his fucking ass out of the team.

He just did nothing. When we had meetings he just stayed at home pretending to have an heart issue needing surgery.
After just 2-3 days he was tagged on FB in a photo shooted a few days earlier where he was riding a bike for a competition.

He skipped another scheduled-a-fucking-week-before meeting saying that he was on a surprise trip, when I called him 5 minutes before meeting start.

In the end we just kick him out because he did nothing. He went to professor talking about some relationship problem in the team and asked him if he could continue the project by himself just forking the ours.

Professor said HELL NO SON OF A BITCH.

But our team learned a precious lesson : choose your team carefully.

Just got an email from a professor.
"Please note that there are times that are blocked on the schedule! I’d also ask that you not pick a time marked as 'free'."
...
Then when do we meet

More of a college prank
We had this professor who used to send at least 3 emails to us about non sense stuff. Irritated i wrote a Python script that sent her 10000 emails everyday. The emails stopped!!

First year at uni, during c++ basis.
The professor has just finished explaining the while cycle.
Professor: We want the code to print all numbers from 0 to 40 using a counter. How would you do?

Classmate puts up his hand: we do 40 if statements and when we reach the 40th one we stop.

Professor: *face palm*

Me - I am sorry my dog eats my homework

Comp sci professor - your dog eat your coding assignment?

Me - ...

Professor - ...

Me - it took him couple bytes

I'm taking a summer code class and the professor is shoving Atom down our throats even though I'm a diehard Sublime user. We literally couldn't continue in class until he went one by one through everyone and made sure they had his exact Atom setup

Friend of mine at college is struggling with his cpp class.

Have been helping this guy since forever with it, he is not a coder by any means nor does he display any sort of affinity or "talent" for it. But he does make up with intense dedication. Still he knows that he will not be pursuing a career in software engineering, this is just a class.

The thing is, he showed me a video of his class. The instructor is middle eastern with a thick accent. Accent so thick I need subtitles for this motherfucker.

He has learned more from me that he has at uni. And at my day job the interns say the same thing. I love teaching and far prefer it over working on projects.

This week we have a meeting with the head of the i.t dptmtn at school as nd I will try to pitch myself in as a faculty member by popular demand.

I would love to teach, i have experience in the field and learn a lot from going over shit as an instructor. I can make one go from wtf is JS used for to handling promises and writing Angular in days.

I really want to teach man.

We get it professor, you like XKCD.

When the lecture professor doesn't like JavaScript and has to show 'wat' 😂

I’m not paying all this money to watch my professor choose Internet Explorer when she has both Chrome and Firefox

Professor I am assisting during the labs used <h8> tag during the html class. It was not a typo.

When your web design professor expects you to make your whole final HTML and CSS website project with NOTEPAD... 😖😵

Sitting in an introduction to C++ class (I've been programming for 5 years but every job wants to see a degree even if it means taking boring intro classes)
I see the professor write code like this....
First: Ever heard of break;
Second: I know it's not wrong to write it like this but ever heard of spaces!!!!!!!

I don't know how to really put this but a professor at my university thinks adding a space in java program will help to execute code successfully .I am rethinking over my decision to join university

Listening to professor tell stories about when he used to develop, is like listening old war stories.

Back when I was in university, this teacher would tell us different stories about his days as a developer. This was one of the last ones, and I think it has not changed much since then.

*Phone rings*
Professor: Hello?

Client: I don't know what the fuck you take me for!

Professor: Oh, hello Client_Name. What seems to be the problem.

Client: This doesn't work! There's nothing here!

Professor: Ok, do you see the program file?

Client: No. I just said that there's nothing here.

They proceed to go over the issue and how to get the program to run. Or at least show up on the PC. This goes on for about 30 minutes.

Suddenly my professor has a thought.

Professor: Have you tried inserting the Floppy disk from the other side? Try flipping it.

Client: ...

In the uni at an exam:

Professor: I can't let you pass.
Student: Can't you ask me something?
P: I can lose my job if I let you pass

'Yay!! My program runs and is giving expected output.'

** Professor gives large input file **

Segmentation fault (core dumped)

'FML'

(My story in every algorithms lab)

Today I had the pleasure to introduce to my Professor (who teaches Python) that you could cause a keyboard interrupt typing Ctrl-c. Her logic was that "Ctrl-c is for Copy" and the only way to end a infinite Loop in the shell is to, "X out the Window." She also clearly has never dealt with linux or terminals.

Professor asks me to do research on deep complex neural networks, as in neural networks that perform on complex numbers.

Meanwhile me: "Google, what are complex numbers?"

My professor asked my to write a method that recursively reversed() a linked list. Wrote an iterative version with the same name and called it in the recursive method. How I felt after she wrote 100 for my presentation...

Edit: disregard this rant, as it seems I have no idea what I'm talking about

"Filesystems encrypted with 128 bit keys are practically unbreakable with today's technology" - my OS professor.

No, I didn't mishear him saying 1024. He said 128 bits.

And yes, it's the same guy from my previous rant (the one with "Linux is just for hackers")

Software engineering course.
Professor wants to show us some Java code.
*Opens eclipse*
*Font super small*
Student: can you please increase the font size?
Professor: sure.
*Can't find the correct setting to do that*
Professor: does anyone know how to increase font size?
Some student at the back: copy the code to notepad++.
:/
Cool professor though..

A professor once told me he loved being a CS professor because "you can't smoke and then code well." I laughed my butt off because a solid majority of his class smoked right before class every day.

The look on his face when I told him the truth about his students was priceless. I feel bad about shattering his world view. Kind of.

WHY DO WE HAVE TO BUY THE PROFESSOR'S BOOK JUST TO BE ABLE TO PASS THE COURSE?

It's so stupid, I'm currently attending a Operating Systems course at university and the professor NEEDS us to buy his book because all of the tasks and seminars are based on his book. It is stupid! There are thousands of books out there on Operating Systems programming! Free ones too! But instead we have to spend 800SEK (100USD) on his book.

And guess what? There is literally one task based on his book... To summarize the chapters about Fixed Priority scheduling and Dynamic Priority scheduling. Which is 15 pages out of 200+.

All the students attending the course are going to the director of studies and complaining next week. This is unacceptable. If it was a good book, sure. But the book has the same exact information as multiple free e-books we've found.

Ridiculous.

I'm forced to open-source all code from my masters thesis as my professor was planning on stealing everything to use as his own.

Anyone ever done such a thing before? anything to bear in mind?

I go to college online and I'll admit I'm a little annoyed that my Web Dev professor makes us code using notepad and doesn't allow IDE's. I get the point but it's obnoxious, this isn't 2003.

Another gem during my studies: Senior professor in early class. Suddenly a phone is ringing. After a while he pulls out a huge inflatable phone and yells:"I can't talk right now I am in class. Bye.". Then he steps towards the board writes down "stupid joke" ticks it and says in a dead serious voice:"That's done".

Okay I just had the first good experience of my college career (It's my last semester)

Professor put the PDF versions of all the textbooks in their syllabus.

Swear to god I nearly came.

Good job, professor.

MENTORS - MY STORY (Part I)

I've had several great mentors during my career. This is the story of the three most important.

1.- Professor E.
When I was on my first year (University - Computer Science), all my professors were 'normal' except for this one.

E. was the Programming I - Laboratory professor. And the most important thing he teached us was to think. To be independent, and to look for answers beyond simple solutions.

He was always pushing us beyond what was requested and to try new things, to try to improve our own solutions and to look at them as always improvable.

In a regular class, this would happen:
Student: Hey E. How can I do this X requirement?
E.: Use function xyz with A and B parameters.
S: Ok thanks...

...10 minutes later...

S: Hey E. that function doesn't work very good for my case.
E.: You have a book, you have internet connection. Don't waste 10 minutes trying to abide what I told you. Investigate, find a way or even a better way; use your resources.

Other example, in the first year all projects were requested to be delivered with text based interface (console projects).
What about E.?
"Well, you CAN deliver your project with a text based interface BUT you definitely SHOULD try to make a GUI, something simple but effective. Just so you learn more in the process"

Good E. He gave me strong foundations for this industry.

I hated my first cs professor!

Finding out that your professor at the esteemed ivy league you attend has no real world experience in CS outside of the CS graduate program at said university...

#teachyourself

Cs101 - a 3 hour Friday morning lecture. 1st at uni doing computer science. Half asleep. I'm awoken by the professor

"You at the back - what's the answer!"

Alarmed but not too bothered I just say "I don't know"

He replies "yes you do! We just went over it"

I say I really don't know. Someone behind me says "64". So I say "64".

Professor sighs and says "no - 2 to the power 8 is 256!"

He never liked me after that.

A friend of mine who works in tech support at a college gets this call. The guy on the other end (a college professor) asks how to open an application on his computer.

Tech Support: "There should be an icon on your desktop."

He then hears this strange rustling noise over the phone.....
Tech Support: "What are you doing?"

Professor: "You said to look on my desktop."

Tech Support: "Ummm, hang on. I'll be there in a few minutes."

That moment when you’re asked to shift the entire project from arduino to raspberry pi because your professor likes jazzed up crap.
Arduino so freaking reliable. A gem in a box.
Raspberry Pi is flashy hollow shiz.

Professor: "Vim is all you'll need in life."
Me:

Today's the day! We're having a "Christmas lecture" with one of my favourite professors, I'm excited!
And afterwards: Punsch 🍹

My prof is so cool he has his own meme:

When a professor says, "strings are an array of characters" and you proceed to post a question on stack overflow containing the phrase, "strings are an array of characters" and get a healthy dose of knowledge about what strings actually are....

I'm paying for this education?

I'm taking a unit at my university called 'simulation and modeling'. Today was the first class and the professor was talking about random number generators.

Professor: Every language has a function to generate...Every good(emphasis on good) language has a function to generate a random number... Oh well even php does...

😂😂😂😂I'm already in love with the unit...

Doing my homework.... I hope my professor appreciates the humor....

When my professor wanted us to make a GUI for a Pig Latin Translator on the first day of Intro to Java and it was due that night. Like I just learned what System.out.println(); does, how do you expect me to do that?

The University Professors are full of shitt !!!!!

Just ended up scoring less than my team-mates in 3 projects when I was the one who did the complete work !!!
Even I was the one who presented the projects. Soo tired of this randomly marking thing !! :/

So, the uni hires a new CS lecturer. He is teaching 230, the second CS class in the CS major. Two weeks into the semester, he walks in and proceeds to do his usual fumbling around on the computer (with the projector on).

Then, he goes to his Google Drive, which is empty mostly, and tells us that he accidentally wrote a program that erased his entire hard drive and his internet storage drives (Google, box, etc.)...

I mean, way to build credibility, guy... Then he tells us that he has a backup of everything 500 miles away, where he moved from. He also says that he only knows C (we only had formally learned Java so far), but hasn't actually coded (correction: typed!) in 20+ years, because he had someone do that for him and he has been learning Java over the past two weeks.

The rest of the semester followed as expected: he never had any lecture material and would ramble for an hour. Every class, he would pull up a new .java file and type code that rarely ran and he had no debugging skills. We would spend 15 minutes trying to help him with syntax issues—namely (), ;— to get his program running and then there would be a logic issue, in data structures.

He knew nothing of our sequence and what we knew up until this point and would lecture about how we will be terrible programmers because we did not do something the way he wanted—though he failed to give us expectations or spend the five minutes to teach us basic things (run-time complexity, binary, pseudocode etc). His assignments were not related to the material and if they were, they were a couple of weeks off. Also, he never knew which class we were and would ask if we were 230 or 330 at the end of a lecture...

I learned relatively nothing from him (though I ended up with a B+) but thankful to be taking advanced data structures from someone who knows their stuff. He was awful. It was strange. Also, why did the uni not tell him what he needed to be teaching?

End rant.

Q:Why should a professor teach things that aren't in the source book?
A: so he can get an exam that not even himself can answer properly!
Q: But why?
A: no one knows the answer. It's one of the philosophic questions that has no answer. But maybe to hurt his students!

I visited the Computer Science professor at a university. He has a library of ducks.

First day of the academic year(CS):

(some uni official) - "And remember to become a good programmer you have to become an excellent mathematician first"

(Me): Oh shit.

Little did I know...

It is a second year now. And the only course I failed is the one that he lectured.

I had no fucking idea that people like this (mad)man exist.

Almost at every lecture he was introducing at leas one topic that was way beyond our program; as he thought they were interesting and "fun".

Many teachers at the University refered to him as a very 'ambitious' man. Then I didn't blame him he truly loved his profession and wanted to share as much knowledge as possible(I thought).

But two months ago he went to far. It was a second exam(for those who failed the first one). And believe me there were a few(60 out of 160 to be exact).

Only ~30 people showed up as the rest failed to many courses and would be kicked out of the uni anyway.

He was handing out the exams when I saw that whoever gets one slowly starts turning white.

I finally got my copy and immediately I realized that the tasks are from his favorite topics, the "fun" ones. 🤦

At this point I knew that it will be extremely hard to pass. But when I was reevaluating my life choices something draw my attention.

One of the tasks had a note below it: "Homework after the exam: It is a very interesting problem just assume x instead of y and try to solve it. PS: it is a lot of fun!"

At this point I lost it.😠 I don't care how much you love math, you should always assume that not everyone loves it as much as you do. So don't push it down the throat of people who clearly don't need a degree in this subject!

Now I'm preparing for the second semester with this guy. And I have a strong feeling that it will be hell of a ride... again.😐

BTW: Sorry that the rant is so long, it's the first one I wrote, and had to share it with someone 😀

University, Italy
We have sent our code to the professor for correction.

Professor : Who wrote the code with comments in english?

Proud student : me !

Professor : you failed to write the algorithms, and also made mistakes with a lot of English words.

CS professor: the less code you have the better programmer you are.

I beg to differ. Security isn't always short.

once my professor asked our class, how will we rate ourselves on a scale of 1 to 10 on our knowledge of C language.
When we finally finished giving our answers, he told me that he'll rate himself a miserly 0.0000001, though he had brilliant knowledge of C.
I wanted to know if people here would give themselves similar rating or not?

That one programming professor who makes you contemplate how he even got the job.

After talk to the professor I'm working for

Professor: well, take a break.

Me: take a break? I have to report to you next week during spring break and you just released an assignment.

Professor: well but you have three weeks for the assignment.

Me: inside: but you said start early on the assignment

Professor: take a break

This has been my semester so far:
Professor: "Please read this material for the next session"
*Next session arrives*
Professor: "Now I will repeat everything you've just read with no additional content"

I feel like this is a waste of my fucking time. I always read the material, because I enjoy the topics we're taught. But this is getting ridiculous... I have to endure it to get my master's degree though :/

Our Professor gave us a predefined Datebase with access methods. The whole database is full of
value == 0 ? false : true

How can this guy teach programming languages when he can't apply a simple != operand

> my CS professor goes to conference

> meets an extremely intelligent scientist

> the said scientist names the algorithm he created by his own name

> my professor asks him why did you name the algorithm by yourself

> the scientist said "angels told me while i was sleeping"

Int main()
{
cout << "Hello Devrant!";
return 0;
}
My computer professor has told us our future grades depend on who ever can beat him at soul caliber 6 when it comes out.
Are all programmers this goofy?

>Advanced code optimization class
>Professor : Your midterm exam will be written on paper....with no code.
>Me: ?????????????

When your CS professor doesn't have a single IDE or text editor in their dock/taskbar you really start to doubt their ability to program.

Professor: "I've been using java for many, many years and know close to everything."

Student: "How do I compile my code on the unix server?"

Professor: "uhh.... I don't know."

Let's start hiring people who actually know what they're doing.

I never went to my college professor classroom when he said:-
“Java and JavaScript are just similar but with different spelling”

RIP me😶

The best CS professor is the one that I introduced devRant to. He liked it so much, that he is now doing a study about it with one of my friends.

Today I gave my Network assessment (code) on an A4 sheet as told by the professor. He will later type the code and check if runs or not and award marks !!
ಠ▃ಠ 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸 Where is my stress ball?

My professor always says one can either love coding or hate coding. There is nothing in between.

X86 or X64. Well, from what I understand, there's no fucking X in front of 64. X86 refers to instruction sets for *86 professor architectures, not bits. Am I justified in this? Is "x64" willful mislabeling?

Heard this from my professor today-
" Focus on product not on technology"....don't know how true this is.

I'm a Comp Sci Professor on the side. Student complaint on class survey: "Tests are too hard, he expects you to know the language."

My professor gave us an individual and group project at the same time. And each sub part of each project was due with 3 days in between

Ahh boy, uni sure is fun...
I missed my comp-sci class last week when we got a project assigned. No big deal, right? We have an online student portal where teachers can post assignments for everyone to see. I'm sure it's in there.

It's not.

Okay. How about the syllabus? Professors are supposed to create a weekly schedule for students to follow, it's probably in there, right?

Nope. Nothing.

Alright... I guess I'll email him. At this point about two classes have passed and I haven't heard anything in class, so I fire off a quick email to the professor asking for the details to be posted to the web portal so I at least have some idea of what I'm doing.
Surprise surprise, I get a response in about an hour.

"I'm not posting anything online. You should have been in class. Talk to a classmate."

*sigh*

So, from what I can gather from my classmates, we have to design a game using python. It might be a quiz, maybe. We have a week.

Are you fucking kidding me? Is it really that hard to take 20 minutes to type up a few requirements so your students at least know what you're grading for? I barely have any idea of what you even want, and from the three people I talked to it wasn't very clear even when he explained it in class. Post your assignments online, asshole!

So for almost all of my c++ assignments I've recieved various emails from the instructor about things like "incorrect header guard" and "library inclusions out of order".

The first being that I didn't include the namespace inside of the guard (I did "FILENAME_H" instead of "NAMESPACE_FILENAME_H")

The second is that I accidentally included header files from my project before any of the standard libraries. This one wasn't even intentional, it was caused by vscode when it formatted/prettified the file.
EX:
#include "test.h"
#include <iostream>

In my opinion these seem pretty nitpicky and, especially that first one, appear to be more like naming conventions or best practices than something to deduct marks for.

On the flip side though I did accidentally store a couple functions in the global namespace which I understand isn't particularly safe. I also made a couple one line conditional statements that simply never evaluate to true, but I didn't think this was a huge deal.

I don't normally code in any of the c languages outside of college so I'm not sure how important these are to actually follow. I've apparently been deducted an entire 10 percent off the assignment because of the head guard. I know that every professor has different criteria for deducting marks, but even this seemed rather unnecessary.

What does everyone think?

My professor today:
"The problem with SQL Server is that it's Microsoft."

I hate it when (Java) programmers produce such clutter just because their OOP 101 professor told them to do so in 2005.
I refactored it using `git rm`.

At Italian lesson: The professor asks me "What is a sentence?" I answer "it's a CharSequence". He looked me very badly

My Unix class
👨‍💻using nice looking theme for vs code to edit my bash script

Prof: That's a nice looking theme( he thought it was vim theme)
Me: um.. um.. It's vs code, new guy in a town
Prof: uh! 🤔
Me: ( 5 sec silence) um, It's from Microsoft
Prof: GET OUT!

When your professor invented the subject and you don't understand his lecture so you go online and search for the term and all you found is his slides from other universities when he was a professor over there.

Lmao I have a class that the professor described as "50 to 60% linux"

Is this karma for liking windows?

Java professor just copied his code from a word document into netbeans. I have lost faith in humanity.

>be me, a student taking Discrete Math and probability
>Professor really loves hearthstone, gives out a problem set that is hearthstone themed
>Somebody posts the problem on the hearthstone subreddit
>1464 karma
>354 comments
>A few commenters wrote down their answers
>A week later
>9 people get caught cheating.
>Turns out the commenters did the problem wrong. Professor took screenshots of the comments and told the graders to check if the submitted homework matched the picture

My hardware professor from first year at uni

He wasn't the best lecturer (which he openly admitted), but he was always willing to go an extra 10 miles to help you out, including essentially writing up the entire module into a nice document (70 pages long!) so we'd have good notes to revise from

Well this class was useless, btw 2h have passed... WASTED TIME!!! The professor has been fillabustering for 2h

Oh fuck
The professor I am currently working under is fucking highly respectable and I fucking didn't know and kept fucking around.

I've to give a presentation today and nothing is ready. I'm fucking scared help me

Me: Professor could you please see my code i have a doubt about it.

Professor: Wait a second.

In the mean time my HP laptop that was from 2006, and this story happen 2 years ago, overheated and shutdown. Remember that i was coding in it.

Professor: Ok let's see the code.

Me: I can't show the code now since my pc overheated and shutdown, and now i have to wait him to cooldown to turn it off.

Professor: Your laptop remember when i was a kid and we had thoose old TV where we had to wait for it to heat before we could see any image.

Well thanks HP for your old laptops that heated more than my hoven.

Fuck my dumbass online college professor for forcing us to socialize with each other. Decrepit fucking cunt.

So today my Web Publishing professor wrote html in Word...

I have got 0.99 accuracy and 0.98 f1 score on some text classification task only to realize that I've created TF-IDF vectorizers using the entire corpus (train+test)

Now my professor is furious -_-

So I have this "Software Engineering" course of this semester.

According to course curriculum we are supposed to taught "how to develop software for some real life problem".

Fast forward to this day. For FUCKING 8 WEEKS WE ARE GONNA JUST DO DOCUMENTATION(SRS, Problem description, features description etc) AND IMPLEMENT WHOLE PROJECT IN JUST ONE WEEK.

BURN IN HELL YOU FUCKING SHIT PROFESSOR....

On IT English lesson:

Professor: Simple question - how do we call all devices inside computer, like HDD, or CPU.

Some random guy: International Devices

*Insert loudest facepalm here*

Has anyone ever had a good computer science professor? Because I'm convinced they are a myth.

Never work in IT support.
I just had to explain to a computer science professor how to open a PDF on an mac :O

According to my university professor a reliable connection(secure connection) and an established connection (which gives ACK) is same......I feel like dropping out

Worst dev experience:
"Learning" vhdl

Best dev experience:
Actually learning because of a new, more competent professor

My professor said "I will use AI and Blockchain technologies to not let proxies happen ever".
😑

I’m studying at uni remotely at the moment. I’m taking a software engineering class. I love developing software so I was super excited about this course. First assignment is to make a tic tac toe game in python. I finish the assignment super fast within the first hour of our first class.

We end up spending the rest of the fucking semester on this fucking program. No improvements, nothing. Literally just staring at this less than 200 line command line tic tac toe game talking about the same fucking shit every class.

Our fucking final is a presentation about this fucking program. The entire class is going to present the same command line python tic tac toe game

People told me that in the past, this class would find a local client and fulfill a request (making a website, etc)

However, now there’s a new prof teaching this course.

Best way I can describe it, 3 hours of this fucking prof screen sharing a google doc and droning on for 3 hours

I wish I could get the 20+ hours of my life back that this course has taken from me

First experience with Android: our professor of Software Engineering gave us a project about building an app for University indoor geolocation using BLE beacons.
Just found out that only a few PhD-level dudes did such a thing with much fewer good results.
Sounds like when your average-hedidnotrealizedwhataprogrammeris-friend asks you if you are able to hack Google Chrome.

!rant (all ranters should read)

Today I was at university, doing some C low-level stuff. Then I looked my Professor.

Holy fucking shit, this man (and obviously the others) learned programming without google, stackoverflow, youtube and online doc/forum/examples/explanation.
I also believe that some of them could not compile and run at home their software.

MASSIVE RESPECT FOR YOU ALL !

“fixing” your code the night before you hand in your thesis.
that always works the next morning, when you present it to the professor ...

"Everything is possible, that’s what science is all about. No, that’s what’s being a Magical Elf is all about." - The Professor (on Futurama)

I kinda hate how I'm forced to learn java swing when the same professor taught javafx last year... ‎ (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

"For every 3 LOC, you should write a comment. It's a standard." - A professor

Is it? 🤔

Our android professor has absolutely no hopes from us. She literally sent one if my classmates this today.😂

On a programming lab the professor told us to use gedit to write our code because "it's easy to use"
No, thanks
*Installs a few plugins and uses vim instead*
Now *that's* what I call easy 😎

Professor reviews my code.

No comment.

During my university days, we had a basic programming quiz. One of the questions is to "write a program that will determine if a number is even or not".

An annoying seatmate asked me silently if his answer is correct. Then I saw his window:

=========================
> Enter an even number: 10
> The number is even.
=========================

I told him it's correct.

After the test his answer is marked as wrong.

"You told me it's correct!", he said to me.

I approached the professor, and told him that his answer is correct.

"What if I enter 3?", professor said.

I told him, "User Error".

My friend's Client Programming (JavaScript class)'s professor wants their students to use pure JavaScript to make applications that works on IE 6 and up...

I ask the professor from my last rant somehing about Spectre and Meltdown and he... hasn't heard of the exposure..

When you realize your professor who programs since the 486 era names all variables as such ad "vd_gr" (Validation date grant renewal), doesn't know what encapsulation is and writes his own cryptography algs, which basically replace one letter by another

**Facepalm

**then I still I have to tolerate all the critics for why I dropped college

For our robotics team we have a college professor (if that's what you even call it) who is teaching our programming subteam how to code the robot in c++. Whenever we mention git he goes on and on about how git is too confusing and we shouldn't use it even if we used pull requests.

What the actual fuck

This happened in my engineering days.

Second semester of my engineering, intro to computer science.

Topic on computer virus

Professor : "Examples of virus are videogames."

Me : *Screaming internally.

FYI, this "professor" has a PhD in computer science.

Fast forwarding to the final semester. We were supposed to present our project.
Unfortunately this professor was our mentor for the project work.

I was dedicated to this project. I was working on this for 10 hours a day. We were supposed to show the progress of our project to our mentor in four project reviews for the entire semester before presenting it in the final exam.

On the first review of the project, he started asking questions which are completely unrelated to the project, asking us to implement features which will take a lot of time and completely unnecessary. Basically, he didn't understood the project at all. On top of that he was shouting on us instead of pointing out the errors and the areas of improvement on the project.

And then I thought " Why am I busting my ass on this project for this idiot?"

Got demotivated, and started working on my side projects.

For the next reviews, got similar project off the internet, presented the same thing for the reviews and in the final exam. Got an A grade.

Honestly, I don't understand how these people get their PhDs and become professors in colleges and universities.

Just saw my professor coding in F# and it made me wonder, is F# still relevant/ useful in todays world?

I never saw anyone code in F# until today...

Student: I f*cking hate this calculus I am not even good in math.
Professor: Then why did you choose Computer Engineering it needs a lot of math.
Student: Because I love computer.
Professor: 'FacePalm'

Took a class on neural nets once upon a time and all the prerequisites had been taught in C/C++ but the professor insisted on teaching in Matlab because they didn't know C/C++.

Our professor takes points off our code if we use tabs (not much, but still).
But the best part is having "few" spaces is also a problem. Seems like using tabs we be a solution then.

Why?!

We have this marketing class that none of us gives a rat's ass about and it's not related to software engineering in any way, and our professor knew that.

So to make things easier for him and for us, he made the rule that if we do at least 30% right on the test, we'll pass.

If we got a question right, we get 1 point, if we got it wrong 0 points, and if we left it unanswered, a quarter of a point.

That meant that if we didn't do anything on the test, we get 25 % anyway, so we almost pass by doing nothing.

Fucking genius.

I only answered 5-6 questions that I knew were right and left the rest unanswered and passed

Major rant incoming. Before I start ranting I’ll say that I totally respect my professor’s past. He worked on some really impressive major developments for the military and other companies a long time ago. Was made an engineering fellow at Raytheon for some GPS software he developed (or lead a team on I should say) and ended up dropping fellowship because of his health. But I’m FUCKING sick of it. So fucking fed up with my professor. This class is “Data Structures in C++” and keep in mind that I’ve been programming in C++ for almost 10 years with it being my primary and first language in OOP.

Throughout this entire class, the teacher has been making huge mistakes by saying things that aren’t right or just simply not knowing how to teach such as telling the students that “int& varOne = varTwo” was an address getting put into a variable until I corrected him about it being a reference and he proceeded to skip all reference slides or steps through sorting algorithms that are wrong or he doesn’t remember how to do it and saying, “So then it gets to this part and....it uh....does that and gets this value and so that’s how you do it *doesnt do rest of it and skips slide*”.

First presentation I did on doubly linked lists. I decided to go above and beyond and write my own code that had a menu to add, insert at position n, delete, print, etc for a doubly linked list. When I go to pull out my code he tells me that I didn’t say anything about a doubly linked list’s tail and head nodes each have a pointer pointing to null and so I was getting docked points. I told him I did actually say it and another classmate spoke up and said “Ya” and he cuts off saying, “No you didn’t”. To which I started to say I’ll show you my slides but he cut me off mid sentence and just yelled, “Nope!”. He docked me 20% and gave me a B- because of that. I had 1 slide where I had a bullet point mentioning it and 2 slides with visual models showing that the head node’s previousNode* and the tail node’s nextNode* pointed to null.

Another classmate that’s never coded in his life had screenshots of code from online (literally all his slides were a screenshot of the next part of code until it finished implementing a binary search tree) and literally read the code line by line, “class node, node pointer node, ......for int i equals zero, i is less than tree dot length er length of tree that is, um i plus plus.....”
Professor yelled at him like 4 times about reading directly from slide and not saying what the code does and he would reply with, “Yes sir” and then continue to read again because there was nothing else he could do.

Ya, he got the same grade as me.

Today I had my second and final presentation. I did it on “Separate Chaining”, a hashing collision resolution. This time I said fuck writing my own code, he didn’t give two shits last time when everyone else just screenshot online example code but me so I decided I’d focus on the PowerPoint and amp it up with animations on models I made with the shapes in PowerPoint. Get 2 slides in and he goes,
Prof: Stop! Go back one slide.
Me: Uh alright, *click*
(Slide showing the 3 collision resolutions: Open Addressing, Separate Chaining, and Re-Hashing)
Prof: Aren’t you forgetting something?
Me: ....Not that I know of sir
Prof: I see Open addressing, also called Open Hashing, but where’s Closed Hashing?
Me: I believe that’s what Seperate Chaining is sir
Prof: No
Me: I’m pretty sure it is
*Class nods and agrees*
Prof: Oh never mind, I didn’t see it right

Get another 4 slides in before:
Prof: Stop! Go back one slide
Me: .......alright *click*
(Professor loses train of thought? Doesn’t mention anything about this slide)
Prof: I er....um, I don’t understand why you decided not to mention the other, er, other types of Chaining. I thought you were going to back on that slide with all the squares (model of hash table with animations moving things around to visualize inserting a value with a collision that I spent hours on) but you didn’t.
(I haven’t finished the second half of my presentation yet you fuck! What if I had it there?)
Me: I never saw anything on any other types of Chaining professor
Prof: I’m pretty sure there’s one that I think combines Open Addressing and Separate Chaining
Me: That doesn’t make sense sir. *explanation why* I did a lot of research and I never saw any other.
Prof: There are, you should have included them.
(I check after I finish. Google comes up with no other Chaining collision resolution)

He docks me 20% and gives me a B- AGAIN! Both presentation grades have feedback saying, “MrCush, I won’t go into the issues we discussed but overall not bad”.

Thanks for being so specific on a whole 20% deduction prick! Oh wait, is it because you don’t have specifics?
Bye 3.8 GPA

Is it me or does he have something against me?

So I'm required to take an intro Java course at my university, and can't test out...

My professor actually just described constructors as classes, not analogous to, or metaphorically. He said they were classes. All of the students are now confused out of their minds. Should I say something?