please

I'm starting to really like this place

This never happens with statically typed languages

Closed MBP and left. Returned to office. Head to a very quiet Starbucks. Open MBP lip. Greeted with a woman's moan. F-ING COWORKERS!

Hello everybody! I'm probably not supposed to be ranting here becuase I'm not a dev but I started my journey today towards Android by spending a whole day successfully making a Java program and just wanted to share my free and satisfied feeling with you all!

My job is so f**king unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.

It always feels like a bad idea when the customer suggests doing a deployment on Friday. 😧

Guide to software developer advertisements

When your boss partners up a student with the one Dev in the office with the shortest fuse ever.

ctrl+xzcvXZsSawqefddrf

Anyone else prefer working with git visually (i.e. Source Tree) rather than on CLI? I like seeing what's going on easily

Knock Knock
Race condition!
who's there?

If coding was a thing 100+ years ago, we'd have quotes by great men like "You won't have space for new ideas unless you shit out the old ones in the toilet." which would be an alternative for "the toilet is the best place to think of algorithms and fixes."

That feeling when you coded a temporary solution and its stable in production for 2years already..

So much for purely functional programming language.

Web developers - if you can write code to tell me that my phone number or credit card number shouldn't have spaces in it, just remove the #$!@$!* spaces for me FFS! You know very well people are going to put the spaces in there...

This is way too true.

This question must be from my PM :|

Finally some nice stickers. Like everyone else, thank's for the ++

excellent jajajaj

Every dev job I see:

You need a billion years of experience, and must be able to fistfight Sauron

So I finally tried Laravel... And fuck this shit, I'm going back to PHP...

When every single JIRA ticket is marked "Critical"...

Jr. front end dev says, "I know enough back end to be dangerous". Literally destroys entire codebase.

This is so true.

Where is your God now?

Simple things that makes us Happy:

A laptop,
a LAN cable,
and an empty room..!

"I can finally complete my side project."

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😁

Google told me I was speaking their language and asked if I wanted to play a game in a very Matrix-esque way. I'm now in the middle of coding challenges and when I finish one of them a ascii white rabbit hops across the in browser console. You have my attention Google, well played.