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Search - "toilet"
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Ranted about that porn work prank.
Forgot a joke the senior linux engineer pulled with me.
I came back from the toilet and sat down. Logged in. Cursor was on the left screen. Looked away and then back. Cursor was on the right screen.
*wait what? hmm must be my memory.*
*looks away and turns back*
*wait did that cursor just move.....?*
*damn what's up with me...?!?*
*turns around and looks back VERY quickly*
*cursor moves all over the screen*
*looks at front usb inputs*
*notices a wireless receiver*
*laughing from the corner where the senior linux engineer is sitting*
MOTHERFUCKER.24 -
1. The quality of the coffee and toilet paper you encounter during an interview tells you more than promises about table tennis or fruit baskets.
2. Try to determine who their primary client is: subscribers, app buyers, advertisers, etc. It's a major influence on the company dynamic.
3. Before an interview, you can just say: "I would like to sit down with a PO and run through one backlog feature and one bug, to get a feel for the type of tasks at the company". Such an activity immediately reveals team structure, whether they have product owners & scrum masters, what a sprint looks like, how they prioritize tasks, and how organized/chaotic your work experience will be.19 -
Hey everyone!
devRant will be going down on Friday, July 7th around 10:30pm EDT so we can do some database maintenance and restructuring of our cluster. It hopefully won't be down for more than about 30 minutes or so, and during that time you should see our "down for maintenance" message.
If you usually use devRant while you're on the toilet (we know many do!), we apologize and suggest you try to schedule around this!
Please let me know if you have any questions and apologies for the inconvenience.44 -
Another benefit of working from home: PRIVATE TOILET.
One fucking toilet for 15 people is not enough.16 -
Toilets and race conditions!
A co-worker asked me what issues multi-threading and shared memory can have. So I explained him that stuff with the lock. He wasn't quite sure whether he got it.
Me: imagine you go to the toilet. You check whether there's enough toilet paper in the stall, and it is. BUT now someone else comes in, does business and uses up all paper. CPUs can do shit very fast, can't they? Yeah and now you're sitting on the bowl, and BAMM out of paper. This wouldn't have happened if you had locked the stall, right?
Him: yeah. And with a single thread?
Me: well if you're alone at home in your appartment, there's no reason to lock the door because there's nobody to interfere.
Him: ah, I see. And if I have two threads, but no shared memory, then it is as if my wife and me are at home with each a toilet of our own, then we don't need to lock either.
Me: exactly!13 -
!rant
A few days ago a friend of mine rang me up complaining about internet issues with his computer. As usual I did the "is it plugged in, turn it off then on again" sort of thing to waste time while my pasta was cooking. After a while he asked if I had another bogus solution, so I suggested flushing his toilet.
He runs off, I hear the flush, comes back and viola - it fucking worked.
The point of this is: if it don't work, flush the toilet. You're welcome, tech support out ✌️11 -
- Everything works 10 minutes before presentation
- Nothing works on presentation
- Cry myself in toilet after presentation9 -
A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife :
- Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!!
- What happened, did you run out of toilet paper?
- No, restart the router, please!5 -
Someday my toaster is going to have an IP address. A bad automatic firmware update will most likely cause it to get stuck on the bagel setting until I plug a usb key in and reflash the memory.
Grandma's refrigerator will probably get viruses, lock itself and freeze all the food inside, demanding bitcoin before defrosting.
My blender will probably be used in a massive DDoS attack because Ninja's master MAC address list got leaked and the hidden control panel login is admin/admin.
Ovens will burn houses down when people call in to have them preheat on their way home from work.
Correlations between the number of times the lights are turned on and how many times the toilet is flushed will yield recommendations to run the dishwasher on Thursdays because it's simply more energy efficient.
My dog will tweet when he's hungry and my smart watch will recommend diet dog food in real-time because he's really been eating too much lately--"Do you want to setup a recurring order on Amazon fresh?"
Sometimes living in a cave sounds nice...12 -
Few of us went to the break. After 20 minutes or so, this one guy just stands up, says he’ll be right back, and leaves. We figured he went to the toilet or something. He never came back2
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After joining devrant I spend twice the time sitting on the toilet which results in my right leg falling asleep and me trying to stumble my way out of the bathroom looking like a hideous creature of the night.7
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That moment when you've been sat on the toilet reading devRant so long that your legs have gone dead so when you try to stand up you faceplant the opposite wall :-/
devRant is bad for my health !
EDIT: what's more embarrassing is I lay on the floor writing this rant.9 -
"it's important to get into the mind of the user, if you can simulate exactly how they'll use your product, you'll get much deeper insights into what they value and what to focus on next"
*Builds Android app*
*Deploys to phone*
*Goes to toilet*3 -
Dude, FUCK automated bathrooms.
First of all, what the hell is so complicated about making a motion sensing faucet that works? Why does it *need* to be motion sensing? I stand there for 5-10 seconds with my stupid soapy hands extended, waiting for a squirt of the divine liquid.
And then the immediately following experience isn't much better. Motion sensing paper towel dispenser. The first go works fine, but it always dispenses half of what you need to get your grimy paws dry. So you go in for seconds, and it just flat out ignores you. Leaves you on read. You flap your pathetic noodle arms at it again. It isn't happening. Please wait 3-5 business days.
Oh, and god forbid you forget to cover the automatic toilet with a few wasted squares. Lean into a shit ONCE and you've just been prematurely flushed. Your ass is misted with the cold, unforgiving equivalent of an automatic insult.
Asshole design12 -
My boss literally spends half an hour finger-fucking his phone on the mobile site to find "bugs", that I can't replicate. A combination like: swipe, pinch, landscape, portrait, back pinch, open new tab, close tab, ash cigarette on phone, dunk in toilet, dry, double tap... Aha I've found a bug, there's 0.5 pixel line of space between the bag header and the browser bar.14
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The craziest shit in my life just happened.
I left my laptop(basically my whole life) and my handbag at my dinner table and went to the the toilet for 4 minutes. I live in a ground-house in a rural area, and the front door wasn't locked.
After I exited the bathroom I noticed eevrything was gone. My laptop, my bags, my wallet. Everything. I panicked.
I quickly informed the local security authority while canceling my credit card and resetting all of my credentials, they with the help of the police they tracked the theives in 10 minutes in a neighboring town, with what it seems all of my stuff intact, which I am supposed to get tommorow.
This is both insane and a miracle. I am speechless and thankful to G-d. This is divine providence. I can't explain it in any other explanation
Watch over your stuff like your life depends on them. Don't ever leave your laptop even for a few minutes.9 -
The office toilet chronicles - episode 2
Someone here has a fucking sprinkler where they should have a penis. Is it so hard to aim? Or fucking sit?6 -
Was taking a big sh*t and resolved a problem on my API.
Toilet : The best place to think in peace <36 -
Misunderstanding is like running ftp server on port 80!
Ftp responses for http request!
In real life it happens like this3 -
need a good idea for app or game? follow this quick guide.
1. prepare a notebook.
2. prepare a pen.
3. go to toilet.
4. start writing the ideas.
5. make millions.13 -
!dev
I can't believe the stupidity/paranoia at my workplace! I take my own keyboard with me to work, because I really hate typing on rubberdomes (personal preference).
I built myself a keyboard and programmed it with so I can access characters for programming easier and it made my typing a lot better.
"But oh no! It connects via USB!", thought some random manager today, as they walked past my desk. "This cannot be allowed, there has to be a company policy against it!"
Sadly, I was on the toilet when this happened and I only heard this from my colleagues. I anticipated someone saying this, but it's just typical for my bad luck that it would happen in my absence. Yes, security is necessary and important, but my company just goes completely crazy in some points. There is a huge paranoia concerning everything USB. You can only use USB-Sticks that were bought by the company and almost nobody has one. I can understand it, but sometimes it is just annoying...
The problem is, that people can't differentiate between USB-Sticks and keyboards. Everything that connects via USB is evil.
But as is said, I was prepared. I talked to the company security about what would be necessary for me to use my own private keyboard at my workplace. They told me, that this would not be an issue, but if I want to ever take the keyboard home again, I would have to fill out a form every six weeks, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to proof, that the keyboard wasn't company property (just look at the picture, as if they would ever buy such a keyboard, especially with the obviously badly handmade wooden case). I agreed, and did exactly that from that point onwards.
Now THAT manager talked to MY manager (who is absolutely fine with me using my keyboard, although he thinks it is strange). Now I had to request at the department for information security (because company security obviously isn't enough), whether me using my own keyboard is okay.
My manager asked me to make the request a little broader, to ensure any future use of USB-non-storage devices is okay. Did that and am now awaiting an answer, that I will hopefully receive on monday...17 -
Developers of any age are frequently introverted. So I decided it would be interesting to try singing Katy perry as loud enough that others can hear while I was sitting on the toilet in the restroom at work. I'm a metal guy so this is even weirder) As expected, everyone looked like it was just an ordinary day and did not comment. They were either not interested in commenting or totally cool with it. not going to do that one any more though.
I've also begun going around to everyone's cubes and handing them a coffee cream as a gift thing at random times. You can see the terrified look in their eyes as they decide whether I'm crazy, but 90% of the time they smile, accept the cream enthusiastically saying thank you.
Social experiments are fun.
I'm a little bit very crazy.11 -
3 or 4 days before the summer vacations, our teacher came in class and asked us to present whatever projects we've been working on and give a brief description...
Some guys went on the stage, then a few girls,
So being first time on the stage I was pretty nervous and started shaking and sweating a little bit.
I opened up the laptop and project was already open in AS, but had to restart emulator,
but the main thing was, i didn't notice the "blonde lesbians - PornHub" was minimized in the taskbar.
So I opened up cmd and typed "taskill -f -im chrome*" and it vanished. (a little fear increased)
when I finished presentation, some of the students were staring at me, so i made an excuse to go to toilet,
...and I ran out of dept.
after class finished my friends came up to me and said "we saw what was going on there in taskbar" and we laughed.
#NeverEverGoingToDoPresentationEverAgain #TrueStory7 -
I FUCKING HATE AUTOMATICALLY FLUSHING TOILETS.
You’re just sitting there minding your own mother fucking business and then this mother fucker flushes when you’re half way through wiping the shit off of your ass, and then you have to be that guy that flushes the mother fucker a second time and waste another two to three gallons of water
Son of a fucking bitch, it’s not hard to flush the god damn toilet yourself and I would rather do that and save some mother fucking water then have the fucker flush all over the god damn place when I don’t fucking want it to
Fuck just about had it with this shit testing my fucking wits
I’m going to march on Washington!15 -
Paypal Rant #3
One day I'll go to Paypal HQ and...
... change all the toilet rolls to face the wrong way
... remap all the semicolons to be the Greek equivalent character
... change all the door signs so they say "pull" instead of "push" and vice versa
... modify all the stairs to have variable heights
... programmatically shuffle the elevator buttons and randomly assign the alarm key to any of the most visited floors
... pour cocoa onto all the keyboards and wipe them off cleanly
... attach clear duct tape over their mouse sensors and insert really weak batteries or mess with their cables
I'll wait a day or two until they experience a sudden shortage of developers, then bombard them with thousands of fake applications from seemingly amazing candidates, then write an AI bot to continue argumentation with HR.
I'll wait another week or so until the company dissolves and with them, all my issues in life.
No need to be overly vulgar this time because you all know the deal. I hate this fucking company. Please Paypal do us all a favor and go fuck yourself.9 -
The person who found this toilet paper company, probably was a programmer. Also probably the best way to describe Array with an Object4
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Toilet seat with a laptop table in front.
The only moment I can focus.
Nobody can disturb me.
The duck also love to swim in the bath.
I can even fap when looking at my sexy code.
I don't need to travel when I gonna pee or poop. Saved me a lot of time.10 -
The most pissed off I've been at work?
Client X came to us for a website.
We secretly outsourced the work.
Client X is coming for a visit in 10 mins...
MD to me: "I've told them your lead dev on this. They're not super-technical so if they ask you about the project just tell them it's going well."
Now I'm not a comfortable blagger, I don't have that kind of confidence, so to ask me to lie like this makes me feel really stressed and uncomfortable. Furthermore, I had literally no idea about any aspect of the work we were supposedly doing for this client. I can barely contain my panic but my colleagues help me piece together a basic understanding.
The MD returns: "They're here now. Can you quickly go and check that the toilets are clean."
WHAT THE FUCK!? The little prick. I'd knock him out if wasn't so meek and pathetic. I tell myself that I'm being helpful and nice but in truth I'm just his fucking doormat and he has zero respect for me.
I have no problem cleaning stuff (we all basically tidy up behind us) but this is something he could have done. Furthermore, who cares? None of us leave the loos with piss on the floor and shit smeared across the walls. They're never anything less than client-ready so to ask me to check means that he's already checked them himself and one of the loos is not quite shiny enough.
The reader may feel that this is no big deal (and in some ways you're right) but everything about this scenario was fucked up. The MD had embroiled the whole company in a lie and assumes we're all okay with that, then to add insult just nonchalantly orders me to clean the bogs. The cunt.
FWIW The client didn't ask to talk to me or use the toilet during their visit.8 -
Almost got my manhood out at work.
There I was in deep thought needing the toilet but wanted to get a coffee first. So I get up go to the kitchen and catch myself next to the bin unzipping.3 -
3 days (62 hrs approx), only leaving my desk for toilet breaks and 2 hour naps/day. At the time I didn't have much of a resume so I had to convince the company I was trying to get into, that I have what it takes.
Planned it all out. I only had crackers, energy bars, chips, pepsi and water.
I didn't get the job BTW. They used me to get shit done and then never returned my calls.3 -
Recently buyed some toilet paper.
Now i just want to have an intense discussion about floating point precision with the idiot who developed the cutting machine...
Also, please stop printing cars or birds there. Thanks.3 -
What an year ?
>MS VS on mac
>SQLServer on Linux :D
>Xamarin API for tizen (seriously :/)
>MS becomes `platinum` member @LinuxFoundation
>Google joins .NETfoundation
>Trump becomes the president ??????????
>In India 500 and 1000 rupees notes are now worth toilet paper except we don't actually wipe - we wash ;)
>For me RIP $copes and controllers and my year worth of experience :'(9 -
The office toilet chronicles - episode 3
Someone left shit on the toilet seat. That's right. Shit. On the toilet seat.
This is the second time this happens. I'm working with fucking monkeys here. One of these days they'll start throwing feces at each other. I just hope I'll be long gone when it happens.14 -
Went to hackathon @ Google HQ in NYC. Gotta say it was pretty shitty. Most people are JavaScript nerds and some code in objective-C, xcode (4-5 out of 50). The rest are chemists, scientists and general folks. Not what I anticipated when you know it's more like iOS hackathon. Anyways it was good to see the shittiest demos in my life made in less than 12 hours. We had 4.5 people working on a toilet project called "I gotta go". Public bathroom locator... One guy coded in JS, xcode and react Native. Another dude was pushing all the code to GitHub and doing backend in firebase. The third guy was making a website for no reason and then I see it's hosted weebly. He hand coded first, I looked what he is doing - just HTML tags. Thank God some organizers helped us and we had a 4 click demo with basic text and no real functionality. Plus the website who never seen. What a fucking waste of $100 and two days.4
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I am old enough to go to jail.
I am old enough to have my own household.
I am old enough to pay my own bills.
I am old enough to have children.
I am old enough to take responsibility for my hypothetical kids and for my self.
I am old enough to gamble, drink and lease cars.
I am a self confident dude who took responsibility for creating machines that were worth millions.
And so on and so on..
But hey, it is ok if the fucking teacher at technical school treats you like a 16 yo pubescent child. Im glad he is interested whether i do my god damn homework. And yes, it is totally fine for me, that im getting treated like a unworthy dog who needs surveillance.
So, maybe i should suggest that we should ask for permission if we want to go to fucking toilet. Yes. That would be great. Gonna do that.16 -
So I dropped out from University after 5 years because I was fed up with it, took a look at the job market, found something interesting, applied for it and got it. Now I'm here on my first day, sitting on the toilet, scrolling through DevRant.
Life is good.12 -
Today my dear friends 😊, I will tell you WHY THE FUCK DO I FUCKING HATE WHATSAPP FROM THE CORE OF MY HEART 😡
The original idea of having a real time silent conversation with somebody around the globe is amazing.
But why did Brian Acton, think that the users will be humans?
You talk to your loved ones? Fine by me.
You use with for work communication? Fine by me.
You don't give a fuck about your privacy (because of lack of awareness or some other reason)? Your choice. I am fine with it.
But you spam the shit out of each other with repeated 'Good Morning' and 'Good Night' rainbow coloured flower meme with your most idiotic unicorn posed photo on it? JUST FUCK OFF.
The content is just moved from one group to another. Stupid random images and videos with no purpose at all are just blindly forwarded from one user to another.
One assholes sends it to hundred others. Then those assholes send it back to original sender and other hundreds. They post it in mutual groups countless time. The cycle keeps repeating and your phone is jammed like a toilet pipe with shit everywhere.
Repost after repost after repost. No rules, no regulations.
Duplicate and repeated content is over-clocking WhatsApp's servers.
Things get worse, when videos and images of people dying are circulated and THESE IDIOTS MAKE THEM GO VIRAL.
People say they have no courage to watch such things, yet go ahead and watch the entire video/all the images.
I mean how on earth can you watch such disturbing stuff on loop?
I hate it when they shove their screen in my face and ask me to watch such things saying how disturbing it is.
God damn fuck!!! If it is disturbing then stop fucking watching it. Stop fucking forwarding it to other mindless dicks. Stop fucking asking me to watch it.
Enjoying dark humour and watching disturbing things are different things. Though I enjoy dark humour, but never will I wish ill of others or forward such images or videos.
PEOPLE SHOULD FUCKING UNDERSTANDING AND RESPECT MY PREFERENCES.
I show them a small interesting educational video and then bash the shit out of me saying that it was boring and I wasted their time.
IF SO THEN FUCK OFF WITH YOUR STUPID CONTENT. SHOVE YOUR PHONE UP YOUR ASS AND DANCE AROUND NAKED WHILE YOUR PHONE VIBRATES WITH ALL THOSE STUPID NOTIFICATIONS.
WhatsApp should be banned. It not only causes emotional damage, but that shit is fucking annoying.20 -
Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm, with toilet breaks, snack breaks and a three hour nap on Sunday morning. Roughly 44 hours. It was a hackathon, Nov 2016. My team came in fourth place and the first three teams went to Germany!
Well, I got a well paying attachment from it so it didn't go all to waste.
Me and my laptop then...1 -
Me working on a bug for so long the brain actually stops working. Leave work > drives home > sits on the toilet: "Holy toilet, that's the problem" > drives back to work > problem solved!
Anyone else?8 -
!rant
I love the fact that some programmers will put there heart and soul into a project and spend there entire life working on it to only have no recognition or earn a single cent.
Yet the man who invented toilet paper literally wiped his ass and made millions...
I love how the world works! :-D5 -
when there is no project I work in, I am just a lazy ass. And that's what happened this morning after I waked up.
Me: *bring me phone, enter the toilet and open devrant.
~30 minutes late~
Wife: *knock knock* are you there?
Me: oh hey, yes I am
Wife: it is devrant again?
Me: 😶3 -
Morning time.
Sitting on the toilet browsing DevRant.
Boss calls.
Phone vibrates abruptly and falls inside the seat.
And I almost shit on it.5 -
Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?16 -
Today was a good day. The toilet door was stuck for two hours because the lock broke. After the locksmith came and tried his best, we had to kick the door in. Fun fact: a fellow dev was stuck on the inside...10
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What's the difference between a wasp and single loose hair?
Apparently none till the wasp stings :/
Yesterday I thought I had a loose hair on my neck.. ok, I shrug it off.. later again the creepy feeling.. shrugs off..
I continue to work, sumberged in code, wanting to find the fucker (bug, not the wasp/hair).. lean in to the monitor... 10 cents away from the screen... Ok, maybe that's it! Feels the hair on my back, near shoulderblades again... shrugging again more violently to get it further down to fall out.. nothing.. ok, got the bug, threw myslef back in the chair with substential force & BAAAAM!!! Motherfucking hair bit me!! O.o
I scream in horror & on top of the lungs (it was late, after work hours so I didn't expect anyone else still at the office) PROKLETA PRASICA (roughly translated to goddamn female swine).. I previously saw some green bug flying around the office and I thought that nasty thing bit me (didn't know they bite soo, much more horror for me).. O.o
Anyhow, I jump up from the computer and see my coworker looking at me all baffled.. I proceed to franticly take of my headphones and hoodie..thinking about wtf should I do now, I cannot get undressed in front of him (not for my sake, bra is the same as top of the bathing suit for me, but still..I don't want anyone suing me for impropper behaviour of undreasing in front of coworkers..), how the fuck should I get to the toilet?! O.o
C: Are you ok?!
M: Um.. sth bit me..wtf?!
C: There was a wasp flying around somewhere some time ago.. are you alergic?!
M: um..not sure, I don't think so..we'll see soon..
I proceed to the WC, to take off tshirt & check/kill off the fucker.. on my way there (walking funny to not press the hair to my body again) I got another surprise, another coworker was working late..
C2: Are you ok?! O.o
M: yeah, sth bit me, probably a wasp..
Ok, finally on the loo..ok, do not lock self in in case it escapes and you need help.. don't even shut the door. Check.. standing between the doors I contemplate on how the fuck should I take my tshirt off without angering the fucker even more and getting bitten again.. O.O
I lifted the tshirt up my back to let it out.. nope, not there..the creepy felling of buzzing around between my shoulder blades continues.. crap.. what to do?!
I stood there & contemplated the task.. ok, roll up the tshirt to the shoulder blades, not against the body (duh) to prevent further stings..tighten the fabric, so it cannot escape, quickly remove the band from the body.. done..reversed the tshirt and straightened it.. bzzz... Fucker fell somewhere.. Dafaq?! Was it really just a wasp?! If yes, no problem...but what if coworker was wrong and I got bitten by that nasty green whateveritsname bug?! Eeeeewwww! Is it poisonous? Gotta find it & kill it for good.. waited a bit, than saw a goddamn wasp crawl from under the toilet.. wasp!! Yess!! Stopm stomp fucker!!
I get dressed & go back to my desk..
C: Did you terminate it?!
M: Yup, fucker went on a toilet paper trip down the drain!!
I sit down, starting to get my headphones back on and proceed to work.., but before I could, one last gem:
C: CTO would say, thank god it didn't sting you in your finger cuz you wouldn't be able to type anymore..
M: O.O so true hahhahahaaa
Disclaimer - I like animals, but I freakking hate wasps..especially if they get under my tshirt to sting.. :/8 -
I'm always offended when I sit on the toilet and the seat is made of a highly conductive material. It's like bro, my ass is not a battery with which you can raise your potential energy. Gah
I asked my boss if I could be reimbursed for the calories that I spend converting food that I paid for into heat for their toilet seats and she said no unfortunately they do not offer toilet seat energy loss compensations. I guess that was kind of flawed concept though because there's people out there that actually pay gyms so they can burn calories for free, so as long as there's that I have no negotiating leverage.
I think toilet seats should be made out of a material with low thermal conductivity so that I can use that energy on thinking, not heating up a toilet seat.8 -
The three indicators you have spent to much time on devRant while being on the toilet:
0: You reached the post from the last day.
1: Your legs fell asleep.
2: You forgor whether you have to wipe your ass or not.3 -
That slightly awkward run to the bathroom when you've had your headphones in and been power typing since 10am ignoring the urge to pee
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Stomachache, weird shitting schedule (can't believe I had so many stuff inside of my belly what the fuck).
So it's actually 5AM in France so instead of trying to sleep I gave up and told myself "Let's learn React Native".
Turns out learning looks easier when your struggling with diarrhea.4 -
I didn't actually realize anyone could be this dumb. Sure, I'd heard stories, but I wasn't sure that I'd ever come across this level of stupidity in the wild. I was moving email across hosting accounts for someone, and I asked them to please navigate to a certain domain. Then they asked what navigate meant, so I told them to please type it into the URL bar. They said "OK." 5 seconds later, they said, "Which one do I click on?" They googled the url. So I asked them to please type it into the URL BAR. Then they asked what that was.
...like what? I just told you this yesterday. How fast does information fall out of your head? Do you forget where your toilet is when you wake up every morning? How do these people even function in society?
-_-8 -
Not exactly programming related, but I managed to clog the toilet of every office I've been (not on purpose).7
-
While sitting on the toilet, it struck me:
int y = (int) (x+0.5); //x is a float
is exactly the same as:
int y = Math.round(x);
It's such a simple thought, yet, I realized that just now.17 -
Some time ago I quit my job at a big corporation. Getting treated like a resource, a production line robot, just isn't for me.
My current job is way better. Small company, lots of freedom, getting to work on multiple projects, the result counts. But, as a small company, we also collaborate with big corporations. So I joined a team at one.
Watching my coworkers there, I'm reminded of robots again. Lunch break? 15 minutes tops. Just shovel some edibles into your face hole and back to work. Five minutes break between meetings? Open laptop, work work work. The concept of "needing rest" seems entirely foreign to them.
Yesterday our product owner "relayed some criticism" from other team members to me. Apparently, me going to the toilet in breaks is "suddenly disappearing". Or me not replying within 15 minutes in the chat is outrageous. And then he tried to berate me how I'm "his developer" and his team's tasks have top priority. So, according to the PO the problem is me and I should "get used to their mode of operation".
How about "no". I quit a fucking job because that "mode" is simply inhuman. After that feedback, you bet I'm taking my legally protected 30 minutes lunch break and any other break I can. Because fuck yourself, you're not going to burn me out. The best part, that team has smokers who "suddenly disappear" twice as much as I do, but apparently that's somehow a-ok.
I had to remind him that his project is just one of several I'm working on, so no, not "his dev". While that wasn't exactly a powerful comeback, it did shut him up. Still going to talk to my boss on Monday, at least to ensure that the PO can't talk shit about me behind my back.4 -
The moment, when you are reading rants on the toilet in the office and the automatic light turned off.4
-
!rant
Finally back to coding at the new office. Better connection speed. Wider space. Own toilet.
Guess you won't see new posts from me anytime soon.
Just gonna enjoy the rest of your miseries from my chilled desk.
😎5 -
I've dealt with dusty computers, REALLY dusty computers, computers owned by smokers.
I've seen dead beetles and earwigs and spiders with their cobwebs in computers and dealt with them.
I've even seen live moth larvae wriggling about in a computer.
But never, have I ever had to deal with fluids. Until today.
I had to take apart a laptop that had been used as a toilet by a cat. It was still wet, but not warm.
And I had to try to get data off of it. But no, the urine was not compliant.
So, already pissed off customer was less happy about the fact that her data would still be a few days away from recovery to a new computer.
At least her frustration wasn't at us.undefined really i really do really really gross but cat pee though it got on everything i feel bad for her8 -
College can be one of the worst investments for an IT career ever.
I've been in university for the past 3 years and my views on higher education have radically changed from positive to mostly cynical.
This is an extremely polarizing topic, some say "your college is shite", "#notall", "you complain too much", and to all of you I am glad you are happy with your expensive toilet paper and feel like your dick just grew an inch longer, what I'll be talking about is my personal experience and you may make of it what you wish. I'm not addressing the best ivy-league Unis those are a whole other topic, I'll talk about average Unis for average Joes like me.
Higher education has been the golden ticket for countless generations, you know it, your parents believe in it and your grandparents lived it. But things are not like they used to be, higher education is a failing business model that will soon burst, it used to be simple, good grades + good college + nice title = happy life.
Sounds good? Well fuck you because the career paths that still work like that are limited, like less than 4.
The above is specially true in IT where shit moves so fast and furious if you get distracted for just a second you get Paul Walkered out of the Valley; companies don't want you to serve your best anymore, they want grunt work for the most part and grunts with inferiority complex to manage those grunts and ship the rest to India (or Mexico) at best startups hire the best problem solvers they can get because they need quality rather than quantity.
Does Uni prepare you for that? Well...no, the industry changes so much they can't even follow up on what it requires and ends up creating lousy study programs then tells you to invest $200k+ in "your future" for you to sweat your ass off on unproductive tasks to then get out and be struck by jobs that ask for knowledge you hadn't even heard off.
Remember those nights you wasted drawing ER diagrams while that other shmuck followed tutorials on react? Well he's your boss now, but don't worry you will wear your tired eyes, caffeine saturated breath and overweight with pride while holding your empty title, don't get me wrong I've indulged in some rough play too but I have noticed that 3 months giving a project my heart and soul teaches me more than 6 months of painstakingly pleasing professors with big egos.
And the soon to be graduates, my God...you have the ones that are there for the lulz, the nerds that beat their ass off to sustain a scholarship they'll have to pay back with interests and the ones that just hope for the best. The last two of the list are the ones I really feel bad for, the nerds will beat themselves over and over to comply with teacher demands not noticing they are about to graduate still versioning on .zip and drive, the latter feel something's wrong but they have no chances if there isn't a teacher to mentor them.
And what pisses me off even more is the typical answers to these issues "you NEED the title" and "you need to be self taught". First of all bitch how many times have we heard, seen and experienced the rejection for being overqualified? The market is saturated with titles, so much so they have become meaningless, IT companies now hire on an experience, economical and likeability basis. Worse, you tell me I need to be self taught, fucker I've been self taught for years why would I travel 10km a day for you to give me 0 new insights, slacking in my face or do what my dog does when I program (stare at me) and that's just on the days you decide to attend!
But not everything is bad, college does give you three things: networking, some good teachers and expensive dead tree remnants, is it worth the price tag, not really, not if you don't need it.
My broken family is not one of resources and even tho I had an 80% scholarship at the second best uni of my country I decided I didn't need the 10+ year debt for not sleeping 4 years, I decided to go to the 3rd in the list which is state funded; as for that decision it worked out as I'm paying most of everything now and through my BS I've noticed all of the above, I've visited 4 universities in my country and 4 abroad and even tho they have better everything abroad it still doesn't justify some of the prices.
If you don't feel like I do and you are happy, I'm happy for you. My rant is about my personal experience which is kind of in the context of IT higher education in the last ~8 years.
Just letting some steam off and not regretting most of my decisions.14 -
Warning : (gross && !dev) == true
Fuck my nose, fuck the unbearably hot weather, and fuck toilet paper industry (above all and everything).
I was taking a dump, sweat dripping from my forehead under these 32°C (90°F) (we Belgians use to live in the rain, that's our natural habitat). When without any warning, my weak and sensitive nose decided to bleed by itself (again). First reflex: take a deep nasal breath to prevent blood from streaming like a depressed single on Pornhub before I can grab a tissue. Great idea! I fucking love having a deep breath of my own shit, especially when it's so hot that every smell is twice as strong as usual! Then, when grabbing some toilet paper to dig it far up my nose, I just put blood everywhere, anyway. So I'm here, pants down, dirty ass, trying to clean the blood before it dries, having to watch for my tissue to not become too soaked.
Done. I can now start to wipe my ass. I use 3 papers, and I can't go on, because my poor anus cannot tell the difference between toilet paper and sandpaper. Because these dumbasses that study their product don't get that scrubbing chemicals soaked paper against sensitive mucous isn't something that people enjoy. I don't care if your paper has 2 or a gogolplex layers, I don't care if it smells like aloe vera or your Down sister's diapers, I just want my fucking shithole to not look like it just got raped by an army of angry gorillas after it has been cleaned.
Now I'm in a cold bath, because my body wouldn't stop sweating, my nose wouldn't stop bleeding, and I had to wash my ass with water and soap and not with lame stinky paper (it got done in the shower, not in my bath of course). And before I could even begin to fill the bathtub, I had to blow my nose to get rid of the coagulated slugs of blood filling it. Told you it was gross.
And my friends ask why I don't shit more than once a week. Well, because that's the time my anus takes to stop bleeding and hurting after I use it, as simple as that.7 -
Pls send help. I having problems with following code:
Human h = WildOrangutan
.getInstance();
Ass ass = h.getAss();
Toilet toilet = new Toilet();
ass.attachTo(toilet);
while (ass.hasOutput()) {
ass.output();
h.readDevrant();
}
ass.detach(toilet);
// This throws
// OutOfToiletPaperException
ass.clean();10 -
When you've been working for ages and are desperate for a pee, but you've just had a major breakthrough and code is pouring off your fingers like honey, and you don't want to stop because it will break the flow.6
-
Who the fuck came up with the idea of using SharePoint? What it even is?! Is it a website, wiki, document repo...?
Our version seems to be a broken wiki with no info content, old links, illogical navigation. And somehow word documents are integrated into it. Sometimes you see some weird calendar and timelines (from old projects). You can navigate into a folder, but you cannot get back. There's no ".." button?? You can map it like OneDrive to yourself, but Windows doesn't support any document version control. Where's the check in/out option from explorer menu??? I sure as shit have those for SVN, GIT etc. Is there a new version created everytime I press ctrl-s or only when I close the document?
Well, I could open the document in "online" mode. Ok, the formatting goes weird and everything is super slow. But at least I can fuck up someone elses document by accidentaly copy/pasting stuff, deleting lines, hitting my face into keyboard etc. There's automatically new version added!
Somehow you can enable the forced check in/out for documents. Obviously only the library admin can do that. And since he's just a program manager, he has no clue what the fuck is version control or document management. So he has this thing on his "things to do" list. For him, document management means sending various spec versions as email attachments. And the developers can figure out together who has the most recent one.
How did M$ push shit piece of shit to corporations? They even use this crap for the intranet making it slower than creation of galaxies. Though it's ok, since you cannot find anything from the intranet. It's all just head honchos blogs, seasonal greetings and stock market statuses. Nowhere is seen the downstairs cafeteria menu for the day. Or where to report for broken toilet. You know, stuff that 99% of people would like to see.
I complained to M$ about the SharePoint, but apparently there's no problem. You can code it yourself? Yeiii! So, instead of just updating some line in design spec, I have to take a 3 month class and get a MS sertificate, code some class-based-web-shit for 6 months and maybe, maybe then I can make the page/document look normal?
I am thinking, that I will just start writing my specs on paper. I will put them on the shelf and if you want to read it, you will check it out manually. And if someone else tries to edit it while you are editing it, you just cover the paper with your hands. There might be a requirement to make the document look more like MS Word, but that's easy to do. Just go to WC with the paper and wipe with it a couple of times.10 -
My friend who is new to Android App Dev was trying to make a simple app that programmatically takes a pic then sends it as an MMS. He opened Stack Overflow, copied code and i heard him murmur "hmm this is simple". Knowing the future, and the wrath of Android Studio, i leaned into my seat and waited. 2 hours later i knew Andy Studio had pissed all over him and it was written all over his face. I walked past him as if to go to the toilet then back again, his screen was blood red with errors and my heart danced and sang.
3 hours later i was out of the room and he sent me a text saying "I give up". I replied, "well tbh, im suprised it took you that long"
Thank you Android Studio for showing all those who think all we do is copy and paste code that they are freakin retards.4 -
Devrant really makes my toilet trips go just that much faster. Some may say it does the opposite but laughing uncontrollably actually helps sometimes.1
-
Finally after one year I understood how to carry out my job. I should do exactly NOTHING. I stopped completely organizing the team, solving bugs, helping the team developing and solving problems, explore and try stupid things said by CEO, PM and consultants.
I stopped for 2 months now and nothing happened.
I work remotely, nobody knows if I'm working or not, because nobody cares really about priorities, bugs, customers or products development.
I gain 10K$ (ten thousand) per month.
I attend skype meeting once per week or less. I say yes to everything, nobody gives a shit to what I say, even if they consider me the technical director. Actually in the meetings I only take care of being considered the technical director.
I achieved the mythical 4 hours working week.
I keep skype open in all my devices in order to answer promptly in case of problem, wherever I'm am, that's the most important thing right now.
I attended some meeting from the toilet or from the bedroom.
It was hard. To understand that the board is only after the next funding and not looking to develop a real product. It's hard to pretend helping people while thinking inside you "fuck you".
You have to let go the "guilt": if you can't login, I KNOW that is my fault, that there is a bug, that is possible to solve it, that resources and planning are needed etc. That's guilt. Just let go and say "next release" and never include it in the next release.
In this way I discovered that some users are paying the application even if they can't login.
The company is not going to disappear in the next 5 years. On the contrary, it's going to receive more money.
So the only "bad" thing is, what will I write in my CV in 5 years?20 -
Closing 10+ tabs after finding the solution is like flushing the toilet, you don't even look back.6
-
Shout out to the people who take someone else's office chair. I just went for a toilet break then *poof* someone took it.7
-
Coolest project? Well, one time I had to take a dump while I was coding so I took the computer to the toilet with me and that was pretty exciting5
-
lesson of the day:
if you enter the office toilet while chewing gum, the simultaneous smell of shit and jaw movement will lead your brain to think you're eating shit5 -
(Follow-up to https://devrant.com/rants/2049733)
Went back to that bar today that I had a fight at about a month ago. Asked about that flash drive I lost there, yada yada.. bar owner gave me her part of the story. Apparently she didn't find that flash drive. So that still leaves me to refresh the keys it stored I guess.
"So you got pretty drunk here, had a ton of Duvels, went to the toilet, and barged out all of a sudden, followed by that incident. But you sat for so long in there.. it was suspicious."
Meanwhile I'm here like "yeah yeah that's what happened, that how I recall it too.. but suspicious? Did she think that I was hacking shit from there?"
"I thought you were taking drugs in there."
".. Oh. ... Not to worry, I don't take drugs."2 -
My life could get worse, but it's really shitty now.
Suffering from a serious back injury since last year, my health has been not so positieve lately.
It put a toll on my mood, which in turn asked it's price regarding my relationship. Needless to say that did not go well. Already a fe months single but we kept in touch.
Three days ago my back injury returned, and was unable to lead a normal life. Constant pain, coyld not even move in the house. Even going to the toilet was a terrible experience because when you move, you're in a world of pain.
I asked my ex girlfriend to help me, since she was the only one having a key to my house.
When she arrived i hoped to have some moral support and to help me mive around, ensuring i would not injure myself any more.
Instead i received the cold shoulder. When she wanted to help pe up she did it a bit too hard and the pain sheered thrpughout my body. Screaming in pain.
She promptly left, leaving keys behind.
The hardest part is that she just left without me being able to explain clearly why i screamed. She thought i was yelling at her while in reality i was yelling due to the immense pain.
After that i had to cut ties forever. Tabula rasa. So i removed everything that is related to that time and locked it in my vault.
Since then i can hardly focus, my mibd is numb and i cannot think straight. The alcohol and other sedatives are probably also involved, but still i feel my life is a mountain of depressing shit.
Needed to vent. And yes i post this because i have a need for some understanding, yes for now i crave for some attention and some encouraging, supportive words. I'm left With no other options since the person i wanted it from the most has simply left... And the fact i am unable to actually be social outside...
Fuck friends and relationships, right?13 -
This is a shit post:
Once upon a time, I went to work.... and decided I can shit at work... it was very nice.. I did that a couple of times... at some point, while siting there.. alone, I thought... 'I am getting paid to do this',
so I started shitting everyday at work as it was very worthy but then...
one day I went back home and I had to take a dump.... and though... 'but why should I, no one is paying me to do so'?!... and I didn't...
With time passing by, My ability to shit at home was deprived, the joy that I had shitting at work became a necessity... and the weekends.... long and stagering, but Mondays made me fill... everything with joy.
Capitalism has manipulated me... into making me love Mondays, making them innevitable for me, Capitalism has brainwashed me into being an obedient slave, we must rise and destroy each and every toilet in the companies in which we work or else...
I don't see how I would be able to go on vacations... for 2-3 weeks...9 -
This one isn't so much a rant but a short story about how small the world is.
Basically, I am a college student and I've fallen into the "Thinkpad Hipster" Group, more specifically the guy who runs Linux ( Arch, in this case ) learns some mostly irrelevant language, in this case Haskell, which while useful isn't really relevant in the modern world.
So this is where the story begins, I am sitting on the train to college and I am reading through a book on Haskell on my X240, so all is fine, when I notice some guy sitting in front of me who looks like an older version of me, I then notice that he's also using a Thinkpad, now I'm curious as to which, because I love the laptops, I see he has an X240 Aswell, oh, sweet, eventually he gets up to go to the toilet and looks over my shoulder at my laptop screen and sees that I'm learning haskell, when he comes back he begins to try and help me, which I was surprised at because so few people would know the language, when he showed me his laptop he was running almost the same setup as me, it was similar to a "Glitch in the Matrix" Moment, I truly didn't expect anyone to be running near the exact same stuff as me, look so similar and also be in the same area as me, that made my day knowing that some people also do the same stuff as me.9 -
Software developers are like a toilet. Just trying to do their damn job, but end up taking everyone's shit.
-
WanBLowS Vusta is more stable than this piece of shit that you call code. Yet you call yourself a programmer? Goddammit, even the shit that I dump in the toilet looks better. Because at least that thing is honest about being shit, unlike this craptacular mess that you call an application. Maybe consider kill -9 $(pidof life).3
-
26 or so hours up now. And I've got a few stories to tell :) feel free to refresh your cup of coffee and take a seat.
Last few days I've been going into this odd place called intown.irl to get in touch with its inhabitants. An odd place I have to say. But in some cases quite rewarding, even got a MILF home with me and into bed at some point. Anyway...
3 days ago I think it is now? Thursday evening I took my laptop to this local bar where I had this issue about dihydrogen monoxide with one of the bartenders earlier (you'll find that rant on those keywords). Still wanted to visit it regardless though, as I met that first woman there earlier that approached me. Unfortunately I didn't see her there that day.
Some bald guy who was clearly drunk approached me. Many people were already giving curious looks at this laptop I brought to the bar. I finally tuned it up with the stickers from FOSDEM.. I'll put a picture of it in the comments. My theme was one of privacy (central), distributions and Google's open source initiative (which aligns with the keychain token I got from them as well). But of course.. that guy.. he thought that a pimped/riced laptop obviously meant that I was a hacker.
Guy went to the toilet.. went back.. and suddenly grabbed my laptop and turned it towards him. Boy was I never more smugly satisfied that those rubber pads on the bottom are quite resilient. Could've almost damaged my screen by trying to grab it like that. But it's a CCFL display.. so high voltage. If it were to become broken.. worth it. 😈
On it at the time was a terminal, pinging Google (had network issues at that bar, to the point where one of the - I think - staff members got up to me and offered the WiFi password and got to talk with me.. more on that later), and my usual Linux desktop along with the Arch anime wallpaper with the quote of Da Vinci.. simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. Of course the guy saw the terminal.. and probably reaffirmed.. yep, that's a hacker. At least he wasn't too wrong about the general term.. but the hat.. most likely he was wrong on that one.
Guy left with this question.. "you are a hacker, aren't you."
I replied to him: "No sir. I'm not a hacker. I've got no idea what you're talking about."
Guy kept looking at me weirdly for the whole night to come.
Back to that companion guy though. Mac user, yada yada.. but he told me about his backup solution. Apparently - I shit you not - he has not only the photos on his local device, he's also frequently backing them up in Time Machine (which I was really curious about whether it uses mirroring or snapshots.. he couldn't tell, lmk if you do) but not only that.. he was storing another offsite backup in that very bar, in case his house went on fire.
Now that is a proper backup scheme!!! If only more people were like that.
Seriously though.. that bald guy who took my laptop just like that... I just let it slide for that one time, but I tend to treat my machines as an extension of my very self. I think that was a very uncalled for move. Asshole...
How would you have reacted to such a thing? And.. maybe that's why we technologists don't get outside too often? Fucking everything is hacking these days if it's not Knopkes and Blinkenlights… Not every shell is a h4xx0ring console for h3kk1ng de fasbuk…12 -
-Friday
Me: *pushes fix for an issue in app*
-Tuesday, the next week
Colleague: "Hey, dude, fid you fix that issue?"
Me: "Yeah, it's available since Friday morning"
Colleague: *e-mails me screenshot with the issue still present*
Me: "That's odd, let me check that on your machine"
Me: *opens the app on his machine, the issue really is there, starting to freak out that I messed up the repo*
Me: "Why the hell would that not work... wait a sec, lemme check something.."
Me: *checks the app version and discovers that it's from 2 months ago*
Me (turns on colleague): "I guess, you should update it to see the newest functionality"
Me: *goes to the toilet, locks himself up, cries*2 -
Am I the only one who's noticed that recently ever innovation out there would appear to be along the following lines "We/'ve added our product to the Internet of Things and have integrated Machine Learning to improve our product, why? Well for literally absolutely no fucking reason, it/'s a toilet brush"2
-
The Cloud Of Bullshit
Every day I wake, and I think of my one true mission in life. To mock and ridicule paint huffing idiots. Something recently that drew my ire, like the hemorrhoids on my ass is this idea of 'the cloud', THE CLOUD and the buzzword lingo-bingo bullshit that providers use to hype and sell it.
For example, airtable is an amazing service. I love that I can insert just about anything into a row, create any of my own row datatypes, that it's flexible as all hell.
I love it.
And I hate that I'm essentially locked in to the cloud.
I fucking hate how if my internet goes down (thanks you pie eating inbred dipshits at comcast) I have no access.
If the company is bought, they'll shut down like all the rest , to be "relaunched at a later time" (or never).
I hate that if the company doesn't make enough money, or it's investors change their mind, woopsie, service is shut down.
I hate that the cloud is synonymous with massive data leaks and IOT-levels of stupidity in security practices.
Every time someone says "but its in the cloud! Isn't it amazing!"
I always think 1. YEAH IF IM AN INVESTOR I GET TO MILK LOW BROW FINGER PAINTING FUCKWITS EVERY MONTH like Adobe sucking the blood from infants who are still in college.
2. Why? So I can get locked into their platform, have them segment off previously free features (fucking youtube and the 'subscribe so you can continue playing audio with your screen off' bullshit), and then have fees increase month over month?
3. Why, so every four years during the presidential selection, if I piss off some fuckstick braindead lemming literally sucking his girlfriends BFs cock, they can potentially shut me out from my own data completely?
The Cloud is built on shit-colored hype sold to knob gobbling idiots, controlling idiots, profiting at the expense of idiots, and later fucking them for buyout payola. The Cloud is a Cloud of Bullshit shat out by huckster messiahs straight into the lapping mouths of fanatics worshiping slavishly like toilet drinking scum at the porcelain alter of a neon god, invisible, untouchable, and like a spigot, easily shut off without anyone noticing. And when it happens, I'll be there, shouting "WHERE IS YOUR CLOUD NOW?"
Native any day. 100% native or I don't fucking want it
None of this node.js-gone-native bullshit either with notetaking apps taking up hundreds of megabytes of ram, where everything is bootstrap or react, in a browser, in a window container, because people are so fucking incompetent we have to hold their hand WHILE they give themselves a reach around.
Native or nothing.
For my favorite notetaking app, I use Microsoft OneNote. "OH god, a heathen, quick, stick his body up on a stake!"
But hear me out. I'll be the first one in a crowd to kick bill gates in the nuts (not because I particularly hate microsoft, just because I think hes kind of a cunt).
So when I say onenote is good, I really fucking mean it. Sure they did some cunty things like 'dumbed down' the interface, and cut out some options. But you know what they can't do?
Shut down the damn service (short of a system update completely removing the whole app, which, frankly, wouldn't surprise me).
It's so god damn good it waxed my balls, cured my cancer, fixed my relationship with my father, found my long lost brother, and replaced ALL my irl notebooks.
It's so good that if it was cocaine I'd be hospitalized for overusing it.
So god damn good it didn't just replace all my notebooks, it even replaced and sped up my mockup process three to five times. Want layers?
Built in. Just drag an image on to the notebook to import instantly.
Want to rearrange layers? Right click select "send forward/back/bring to front/send to back".
Everything snaps to grid by default and is easily resizeable.
I had all the elements for a UI sliced and diced. Wanted to try a bunch of layouts. Was gonna take me two damn days.
Did it in three hours with the notebook features of onenote.
After I started using onenote, me and my bodypillow finally conceived even.
Sweet marries mammaries I just fucking jizzed. Thank you onenote.
P.s. It really did speed up my UI design, allows annotated images, highlighted text. Shit, it can even do kanban.
And all I can think is "good job microsoft making an awesome product for free, being dumb as fuck for not charging for it, and then not marketing it at ALL."
It was sheer fucking luck that I discovered it while was I was looking for vendor STD bloatware to blast off my new install.
OneNote: Worth a try even for the kick-gates-in-the-nuts fan club.
The cloud can suck my balls.21 -
Just read a comment on rant that stated "You’d be surprised as how disgusting people are especially in the work setting.". In regard to bathrooms. This reads true, for my current place of work
I was about to reply to that, but I thought this is worthy of a rant of its own. Allow me to quote some emails...
"We have had reports of excrement being left on toilet seats, which surely could be seen by the person responsible before they left the cubicle. "
"very poor toilet hygiene in some the ladies toilets.
Firstly, someone person should I say.... has used a toilet brush to clear a blockage in the Ladies loo nearest [removed]. They obviously couldn't unblock the toilet due to the density of the blockage and therefore.. returned the brush to it's holder full of the blockage!! "
"The phantom "snot" wiper is back and is using the back of the toilet door nearest the [removed] as a tissue! Again.. the poor Cleaner has had to clean this up... "
"Toilet paper being put in the Urinal blocking the system in [removed] and faeces being left on the toilet floor in [removed]. This goes without saying that this can't go on and it's not the cleaners job to be cleaning such messes! "
Its ever worse in our other office that contains a call centre. A lady was fired for leaving shit in the stairwells on multiple instances. She had been fired from her last role for the same thing.
There were also reports of subway subs been left in the toilet bowl.
You also find the most curious items in the waste bins (they have no lid, we're not search through them - just to make that clear) everything from half eaten sandwiches to watermelon.17 -
Whenever I'm stressed out on a bug or what not...
I find some of my best ideas have come from sitting on the toilet4 -
My fucking campus building.
Really. Built a new one in 2017, we started to study there since Oct 2017 til now and lemme tell something: it's shit. My classroom's paint cracked 2 months in. My classroom lacks a projector which is standard for every classroom to have one back in the old campus building. But nooope. No projector for 1.25 years, at least by now compensated by a 50" TV which whoever the fuck installed the thing took the *only* stock HDMI cable. Shitty floor tiling (think r/mildlyinfuriating but worse), shitty toilet that would break down every 2 weeks and "over the top" gymnasium with air ventilation so bad it feels like Hitler's fucking oven every time we got in.2 -
If coding was a thing 100+ years ago, we'd have quotes by great men like "You won't have space for new ideas unless you shit out the old ones in the toilet." which would be an alternative for "the toilet is the best place to think of algorithms and fixes."
-
I'm so fucking upset with this shitty iPhone. I can't believe there are people who are actually *paying* real money for this crap. Thankfully I am getting paid to use one, otherwise I would flush it in the toilet (but then even the toilet would reject it).10
-
Things common people do while in the toilet:
Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Games, etc...
Things I do while in the toilet:
DevRant4 -
So I'm sitting on the toilet in my work, wondering how much time is left till I beat the specific impulse of a Raptor engine, and all of sudden the emergency allarms go off.
Weighting my options now: die in a fire or some kind of explosion, or go downstairs without ending *the thing*.
Dying Lannister-way or going out of the building and meeting my colleagues, with a very weird smile on my face.
...
I think I just discovered new levels of fast when it comes to using toilet paper.3 -
When i participate game jams from the toilet and end in toilet.
(best record is 5 hours in toilet. Literally)1 -
FUCK YOU MAGNETO!!!!!
what a backstabing cunt
imagine you're trying to prevent world war 3 from happening with someone you've been training for months.
out of nowhere, this FUCKING PICE OF SHIT decides to become a vilain.
in the midst of the event he tries to deflect a bullet that ricochets into my spine.
thanks asshole, now I can't walk
i thought we were friends man, we bonded over painful shit
like ok, they killed your mom and made experiments with you,
but it was just the NAZIS, LITERALLY EVERYBODY HATES THEM.
take it out on them, not the entire humanity bro
you unlocked your powers thanks to me, you couldn't even lift the toilet seat.
and you don't even give a fuck about mutants, you power hungry bitch
you only care about total domination
"oh no, someone save us from this mutant whose real name is eric"
im so scared right now10 -
Why the fuck people advertise themselves as 24h service if they work 9..17?! I need a fucking plumber to change leaky toilet seat. Called over ten different guys, and, guess what? They don't give a shit!
Meanwhile I used to have clients calling in the middle of the night or early in the morning. And I DON'T work 24/7.
What's fucking wrong with this world where you have to study long years and buy pricey tools and be available to the client all the time, and on the other hand you don't have to even start a college, just have right tools and materials, and you have better job? I could become a plumber. At least my work wouldn't be outsourced to India...
Sorry you Indian guys ;-)9 -
my way of getting unstuck is going to toilet, thats why I drink soo much liquid on work, kuz then I know that when in need, I can go "TO THE THINKING ROOM"
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If we had a devRant vote on the most annoying word of 2018, I'd vote for "token".
Token here, token there, token yourself in the rear!
Some project I'm currently working on has to fetch 4 different tokens for these syphillis-ridden external CUNTful APIs.
Your mother inhales dicks at the trainstation toilet for one token!3 -
The most important skill you can have is doing things without shame.
Shamelessly stay in your bed all weekends watching PewDiePie, never brushing your teeth, eating Doritos from under your pillow and peeing into empty Mountain Dew bottle if you feel like doing it.
Shamelessly spend your vacation sitting in the toilet with a laptop browsing reddit.
Shamelessly cut your product in half and ship it if you don't feel like perfecting it.
Shamelessly admit that you don't know something when you messed something up at work.
If you are a millennial like me, chances are your gen x parents told you that you have to be perfect / really good to succeed and to be worthy.
You know what? Fuck your parents then. Fuck my parents as well. Admitting this behavior wrong and actually giving up on living like something is always watching is the best thing you can do to your mental health.
I'm lazy. I write "any" here and there when they force me to do typescript at work. When I need a sidebar, I go and copy-paste that jquery snippet. I write like one article a month at best and I really want to say "fuck it" if I just don't feel like it.
You can always give up on everything and it's perfectly fine. This doesn't make you any kind of looser or something. You're perfectly fine.
Too bad I'm only beginning to master that.10 -
I'm implementing some Italian web servicies.
The server response is "INDISPONIBILITÀ TEMPORANEA" (temporarily not available).
I'm Italian, but I'm not used with localized error messages. When I read this message I tought to a server in a toilet.4 -
So I'm on vacation right now to visit family. I received an email from the head of department that, due to our department getting 7 new hires in one day, the seating arrangement has been changed.
My new seat is next to this one developer who's old enough to be my dad. He's a very nice guy and all, but the problem is he burps ALL. THE. TIME. I've never met anybody more gassy. His burps don't stink, thank God, but they're loud enough that it's seriously jarring.
You know how us devs can be completely in the zone until some marketing dickbag taps you on the shoulder and asks you to check your email or help with something that is absolutely not your job and you completely lose all focus and have to start over? Its exactly like that, except it happens every 10 minutes.
Another thing is, my back is now facing away from the wall, towards the rest of the office. The nearest section to mine is management. That means that anybody, including the CEO, can walk up right behind me and see what I'm doing at all times.
I really hate that. Id much rather be next to the wall to have some sort of privacy. Somehow sitting next to burpy guy is still the thing I'm most annoyed about though.
I tried to ask for a different seat, but my manager effectively said that I have no choice but to sit there because that guy is part of my team, and teammates should sit together. He forgot about the fact that, while the work him and I do is indeed related, I've been working on a solo project for the past few months and I don't need to be next to anybody in particular because I'm the only one working on this thing. Theoretically, I could sit in the toilet with my laptop and get my work done just fine. Maybe when I talk to him face to face in the office I can convince him to have some mercy on me.
The bright side is I'm very excited about meeting those 7 new hires I mentioned. They seem to be smart, capable people so I look forward to working with them and learning from them. Every cloud has a silver lining. 😊7 -
You thought real fear is deploying to production friday afternoon?
Hah nope.
Real fear is forgetting to flock(); a public toilet door while doing a dump();1 -
I was excited to get back to work on a major project today. I was thinking in the shower, on my bike, on the train, on the walk from the train to my office, on the elevator, about how I would approach it and came up with a good plan. Again, I was excited.
Then, on our standup call, a dude says he needs access to the util server I manage, and just happens to not know shit about Linux. So I spend the next hour and a half walking him through simple SSH commands, and completely lose my train of thought for the project I was planning to tackle.
Now, I'm seething on the toilet, hoping to reset.4 -
That moment when you need badly to go to the toilet and your boss stops you to have a long discussion7
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Have to go to the bathroom super bad...
Sit on the toilet...
About to to my thing...
Think about that bug I need to fix in a project that's due today...
Sphincter tightens in response to the stress...
I guess I'll try again after I fix the problem.3 -
I often hold pee and poop to close my parenthesis for a function and before I rush to the toilet. There's nothing else make me so enthusiastic except writing code, although I'm just a newbie developer.3
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!rant
Medium long story about POP!_OS
TL;DR : A true K.I.S.S. OS. Very well designed UI. In general suitable for everyone. Any distro-hoppers MUST try out. If your current OS is already heavily customized to your needs, DON'T bother with POP. (Read till the end if you are on toilet, nothing to lose)
Backstory : I am never a fanboy of anything although I am loyal to the tools I use daily. So OS is also something I picked and use to meet my needs except when I was a student. My first linux experience was about a decade ago with ubuntu. Have tried almost all kinds of light-weight and minimal distros after that (lubuntu, arch, mint, puppylinux, fedora, centos and others I forgot) during my student years.
I like all things minimal. ("Keep It Simple Stupid" is my email signature.) When I started working, Windows became the sole OS I use since it met my needs better than others. Except that one time when I tried Elementary. Although I found it a good OS, it didn't get installed as a dual-boot. I don't find Elementary minimal. It is one of well designed OSs but I still think it can be improved. (Plus I had this weird feeling that it is similar to Mac OS)
At the start of this year, Widows alone was not enough for my needs. Decided to look for a minimal linux distro. My old i7 ASUS has 8GB RAM and roughly 250GB free storage. So I am not that worried about hardware requirements. My main struggle is downloading stuffs. (Few of you guys must know by now the speed of my internet LOL.) Well, even if I had a good speed, I will still look for minimal distro as first priority. So I went with minimal ubuntu image and xubuntu environment. Although I do not like the UI design, it is acceptable. Through out the years, I have configured it to suit my needs and currently pretty happy with it.
Thoughts on POP!_OS : To me, it is literally like meeting a young girl who is perfect for my life. She has the perfect body, beautiful face, amazing appearance and good manners. And she is young, of course there is a lack of experience issue. But it can be taught and she has a very high chance to become a wonderful lady if she continues like this. Only crap is I already have someone and in a committed relationship. So I could not go any further than introduction. I do save her contact and will keep in touch with her online. You know? Things change. Things always change somehow.2 -
Most embarrassing interview rejection was not even in person, it was over the phone.
The company that I was going to work for (quite a big one mind you), scheduled to phone me at 2PM, I was preparing mentally for 2PM, so I took my girlfriend to lunch at 1. Just to relax and calm myself before the phoned me.
It was 34 degrees (celcius - I think that's about 93 farenheit? somewhere close) outside and I was waiting for her to finish her smoke (she was in the smoking area).
They phoned me, and it caught me completely off-guard. My years of knowledge just seemed to flush down the toilet at that moment, and I utterly felt stupid talking to the guy over the phone. It was a first for me, and I hope that it never happens again - he basically stopped me, told me that I had better not apply before I know what I am talking about (as I was wasting his time), and then put down the phone on me..
Worst part was that my girlfriend came back right then and asked me if I am ready for the interview. I hung my head in shame because I was ashamed to tell her that I fucked it up, because you know, I kind of needed the job (the one I had at the stage was shitty).1 -
Not a dev related rant but more of a workplace rant.
I work in a business center with around 30 small offices. We share the common areas like kitchen, meeting rooms and bathroom.
Today, the cleaning lady told me to use the bathroom on the other side of the workplace because she spread bleach all over the men's restrooms floor.
The reason? Someone peed completely outside the toilet. I understand men can miss a couple of drops but a complete load? It's not the first time it has happened but I can only think he enjoys doing it.
I wish I had my own bathroom...1 -
The amount of times i go to the toilet and solve a code problem whilst there...
I think all offices should just have toilets for chairs.3 -
"Suggest an AV/AM product, Avast refuses to install."
I do malware research as a hobby and have for a while, so I can generally spot when something's up before I even run a program. If i'm unsure about it (or know something's up and wanna see its effects for S&Gs) I throw it into one of a variety of VMs, each with a prepped, clean, standardized "testing" state.
I see no point to AV/AM products, especially as they annoy me more than anything since they can't be told not to reach into and protect VMs (thereby dirtying up my VM state, my research, crashing the VM hypervisor and generally being *really* annoying) and they like to erase samples from a *read-only, MOUNTED* VHDX.
However, normal people need them, so I usually suggest this list:
• MBAM is good and has a (relatively) low memory footprint, but doesn't have free realtime protection.
• Avast is very good as it picks up a lot, but it eats a FUCKTON of resources. It also *really* likes to crash VM hypervisors if it sees anything odd in them.
• AVG is garbage. Kill it with fire.
• Using Windows Defender is like trying to block the rain with an umbrella made of 1-ply toilet paper.
• herdProtect is amazing as it's basically a VirusTotal client but it's web-based and not currently available to be downloaded. (Existing copies still work!)
• Kaspersky. Yes, it spied on US gov't workers. No, they don't care about anyone BUT US gov't workers. Yes, it's pretty good.
• BitDefender: *sees steam game* "Is this ransomware?"
hope this helps15 -
I'm doing a school project with one of my friends right now (little game in c++). He doesn't know c++ so I'm teaching him a little since he mainly does some mathematical functions and stuff (he's really good at maths). I told him "if you break anything I'm going to kill you" and he knows that I can be an asshole but he doesn't know about git and stuff. So I decided to play a little joke.
I put one single line into the code during he was on the toilet:
while ( new long long );
And I've been watching his reaction for about 1h now. I can see the sweat in his face but he's too shy to tell me its not working anymore😂😂 he's been trying to fix it but didn't find out yet. Let's look how far it will go4 -
I feel like I have started to grasp the very essence of software development
For 2 weeks now, I have either slept 3-1.30 hours per night or not at all
And I can't drink coffee without spending 2 hours in toilet after each cup
FUCK😣 -
I hate office parties. It's not because I have the social skills of a rock. Language issues (and not the ones computers use) cripple you socially. Especially if you have social awkwardness to start with.
I'm just hiding in the toilet right now, waiting for the clock to strike 6 so that I can make some excuse of an appointment and leave. xD8 -
> Drinking much because it's a hot day.
> Have to go to the toilet
> Cleaner is cleaning the toilets so nobody can go.
Every fucking time gaaaarh2 -
As always,
Go to the f***ing toilet and inspiration will pop in your head.
Man, how many times should I post this here? (smirks)2 -
So I log into a great new site with my development machine. 64G of RAM, and 2 hex core CPU's; GTX 1070 video, SSD, etc. 4K display screen. (Motherboard is 5 years old, not trying to brag, just give context). I regularly put 8 pages of text on the screen side by side. Split ergonomic keyboard.
It wants me to load a mobile app for "full access".
Yea, why look at the world with wide open eyes when you can view everything through a cardboard toilet paper tube and type with your thumbs???
== John == -
People who take 2 places on a busy busride deserve to moved to the toilet.
Rude, selfless scum, go sleep with the shit of other people instead of making my life harder. I've been traveling for 16 hours. There's still 8 hours left and I would like to sleep, recharge my phone and that next to my traveling companion... But you egoistic creatures just have to be a fucking waste of space. To me you are almost the lowest trash of society.
I should simply sit down on your worthless gadgets.
I should simply smash your feet with my luggage.
I should simply remove you from the history of this planet
EAT FUCKING SHIT AND DIE
Edit: can't even do math anymore. I have 10 hours of travel left6 -
My biggest pet peeve is whenever you're in the toilet, you know, doing a number 1, a lazy number 1, a number 2 or the combo. For most toilets, including in our workplace, its very clear that the door is locked. Usually it is either written or signified by the color red. Despite all this, you still have those people who will almost batter down the door despite being CLEARLY LOCKED.
Fucking hell, that grinds my nuts.5 -
Lucky shit: no need to clean ass/toilet
Lucky call: Boss/Client asks you immediately after you say Hello if you were ill, and leaves you alone
Today I had both!
Hard times are coming....10 -
Forcing the dev to be the only one doing QA should be considered animal cruelty. That's like making the plumber take a shit after every new toilet installation. That was a terrible analogy.3
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When your on the toilet and come across a tech video you want to watch but can't because of the audio. It would be weird... need to start taking headphones to the john.1
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So something annoying about the bathrooms here is that they are automatic flush only. There's always used toilet paper in the bowl because as soon as you move an INCH to wipe, it flushes. And you can't flush again.11
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When the CEO sends an email "start working on the project ASAP" all the METHODOLOGIES GO DOWN THE TOILET..... fuck you , you ignorant son of a bitch5
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Me and my friend were having a coffee in a coffee shop and then she told me the story of how she got fired.
So back then storing data on cloud was not that convenient and employees in her company used to carry softwares and other stuff in pendrives.
This one day after completing a MAJOR project for a very irritating client, my friend and her team decided to take the day off and celebrate this victory in a pub.
She got drunk and then came the call of her boss saying that they needed to showcase the software right then to the client.
Being always responsible and committed to her work my friend had decided to keep a backup in her pendrive which she kept in her breast pocket of her shirt.
So she goes into the washroom to freshen up, bends down near the toilet to vomit out liquor and lo!
The pendrive slid all the way down from her pocket into the toilet sink.
She didn't notice and flushed and down went the whole project into the sewer.
Moral - life fucks you in ridiculous ways.
Ps. She left her laptop at her home which was very far from her office and the pub. The team had to go to her home first to retain the project and eventually got seriously late. Boss didn't like it as the client was a real pain in the ass and this was a big project too and being the team lead my friend was supposed to deliver as expected.
She got fired.1 -
Me: I've just formatted my computer for the nth time. I will only keep crucial software installed from here on out.
5 Minutes Later . . .
Me: sudo apt install fortune cowsay aa bb cmatrix toilet xeyes lolcat figlet pacman4console3 -
• I listen to music
• I eat/drink something
• I go to the toilet and think about unrelated stuff (which might actually provide a solution)
• I go to sleep
I try the top one first, and if it doesn't work, the next one, and so on, until I am done with the last one. -
There are at least 3 posters in the bathrooms at the office saying please put the toilet seat down before you leave, yet people still can't do that4
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When you Render something and the name is just perfect!
Translation: Catched encoding buying Toilet Paper9 -
If i get the best ideas while on the toilet, and debug my code while in bed... does that make sleeping on the toilet the pinnacle of productivity? (or shitting in bed for that matter, but that sounded way less attractive.)1
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How cool is that?
I met an old American couple (in their 70s), a half Korean and half Japanese guy in his 20s, some Chinese girls in their 20s just in the hotel I have checked in yesterday.
It is interesting how a city that is at the center of Turkey is so full with people from other countries.
Tbh I can swear that here are more Chinese people than Turks lmao
On a side note: The old American couple is just a room away from me.
The walls are so thin that I have heard how the American man kind of "screamed" to push his shit into the toilet lol5 -
No experience with paid work yet, but for sysadmin work I'd mostly look at the environment and how the previous admin left the premises, and why they left. I wouldn't want to work with a bird's nest for a server room, that's got everything jammed into one clusterfuck of a god-function sort of server or something crazy like that. Separation of services, security, wire management, all those things matter because that's the state that you'll be working in, and cleaning up someone else's mess.. it makes my blood boil.
Payment is important, and if the job doesn't pay well, don't take it. Or if they place a wee bit too much value in those expensive pieces of toilet paper called certificates, it denotes incompetence from the employer by being unable to gauge your skills on their own (and I get that there's time management involved, but come on.. how long can it take to have a conversation with someone to gauge what their skillset is). But the working environment in particular is of vital importance. If it's all going to be yours to build, great (and don't you dare to half-ass it -_-). But if it's already been partially done by someone else, they'd better done it well. -
Imagine.
You have a beard. You are in a restaurants toilet. The beard likes to eat half of the meal itself. You want to clean your beard, so you sprinkle your beard. Now its clean and beautiful. Then you realise - there is only one of those air dryers. You are screwed.13 -
I'll tell all my dev employees to use devrant. Why? Because I'll definitely rant about him/her, so he should do the same about me.1
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Fucking regulations, can’t play with twilio api.
Waiting for verification of my identity to make a fucking test call to myself.
Wanted to make a proof of concept during weekend, but won’t happen cause some fucking policies.
Fuck you government pigs.
Probably need to wait to fucking Monday. I will forget what I wanted to do till that time.
We are making your life easier all the time in the news, yeah right eat those popups motherfuckers.
Next regulation - government code reviews before push to master and programmer certification, for sure those fuckers are able to do it.
Really considering emigration from Europe right now.
No fucking point to start a business on this continent.
More fucking law please so we would need a lawyer before wiping ass.
Need to watch that southpark episode about security toilet checkout once again.2 -
When you finish using the bathroom, realize there is no toilet paper, and have to stealthily move to another stall for said toilet paper. Why have we not automated toilet paper renewal.4
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By taking one 30 minute dump in the toilet per day to relax and read other people's code on my phone
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First Happy new year, now lets get put on the dancing shoes... (I have another one coming, but this one is fresh)
As a PHP developer (yeah I am and I like it, if you gonna hate on me... go fuck yourself) I expect to not be required to reinvent the wheel when I have to use something that is not too mainstream (in my case was producing JSON and XML HAL responses). Now there are 2 (fairly active and somewhat mature), one of which does not produce XML responses, so off I went with the other one, but for fucks sake it does not produce XML that is compliant with the (draft)RFC (https://tools.ietf.org/html/...)
So as I need that, I decided to write one myself, since extending the one that provided XML would've been a waste of time, since it is NOT documented and for some reason depends on about 4 packages (also developed by the same maintainer), why the whining you ask, eh? Well fuck this shit. It took me 2(+2 classes) to achieve everything (according to standard as far as I can tell) + went with using a "hydrator" as opposed to reflection (the lib used reflection and didn't care too much for the access modified on the property of the object being serialized) so got a pretty solid performance boost, cleaner and simple code (I wrote it for a few hours and it is ugly, but hey KISS and it works perfectly)...
So with the more ranty part of this rant... Why the fuck so many people don't write independant packages for the simple parts... I don't hate it when I need a package and end up downloading half of the codebase of symfony or whatever fancy framework the dev decided to use, wasn't it the point of having 'package managers' (composer, npm, etc.. you get the deal..) instead of promote our projects and not force others to use our favorite framework that is absolutely out of scope for their projects...
Fuck you, fuck me and fuck everybody... If this continues I will continue writing my own packages from scratch, because "you" asshole are too lazy to learn and apply SOLID and common sense; even if your life depends on it you cannot write a meaningful piece of code without "the fancy framework of the month" holding your hand and allowing you to continue being a dumbass that has enough brain cells to walk straight and remember that you have to go to the toilet and not shit all over the place....
FML.... Fuck this shit and that is the main reason my gears grind the most when I head "you should use *framework name* instead" or "don't reinvent the wheel", fuck that guy I refuse to work my ways around a framework in order to get things done, my boss aint happy for that shit you know, I don't get paid to deal with your crappy code or uninformed opinion..3 -
The joys of working remotely: you're on the toilet, happily dumping, with your phone in your hand. Suddenly you receive a message from your manager who wants to chat about something urgent.
How do I explain the reason why he has to wait a couple of minutes?6 -
Today I solved issues I didn't cause and took International phone calls while on the toilet to help corporate.
Bug fixing can be a shit job, at least I was in the right place for it.1 -
Desk inventory(not counting computer hardware):
-Three interlocking polished high density particle board squares, cut by an industrial-grade 3d printer at the office of an architect friend. I use them as coasters.
-A roll of toilet paper, as I have a deviated septum and blow my nose so often that proper facial tissue would be wasteful.
-A landline phone, for work. I'm thinking about getting rid of it though, as I can do the majority of my work phone calls through Google Hangouts and our company's webrtc client, and because it costs me about $7 a month for the service, through ooma.
What's on your desk? No computer hardware, please. Also, please try to use your words, because it's a lot of fun to imagine the layout rather than see it.7 -
I hate only a handful of things in this world. Including: stepping in water with socks on, when the toilet paper rips, and business people.
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To all devs out there who don't use the toilet flush in company: FUCK YOU! I WISH YOU 100 BUGS EVERY DAY AND MAY YOUR FUCKING CODE NEVER COMPILE YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT!!5
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Someone just left a small turd in front of the toilet bowl and stepped on it so now there's smeared shit on the floor tiles in a toilet stall.
Must be all the caffeine I guess.
Oh, and don't stand up too fast after taking a shit apparently, since I can't fathom how that happened.6 -
One day a developer's phone accidentally fell into his toilet. The poor developer looked at the toilet but couldn't find it as it was too late.
Finally he burst into tears. Hearing his sobs, an Angel appeared before him.
The Angel dived into the toilet and came up carrying a golden phone. The developer did not accept it. He said, "This is not mine. My phone is not golden."
To which the Angel replied, "It's not golden, it's covered in shit!"2 -
Worst smell you've encountered at work?
I'm getting changed in the disabled toilet ready to go home (love my cycling). It smells like someone has discarded a curry scented tampon in the 'hygiene product' disposal.7 -
!dev
I just had one guy coming back to the house at 4am, again, and he made his usual grand entrance, slamming the doors, stomping on the wooden floor making all the creaking sound as he walk all the way to his room, which is right beside mine. And when he went into the bathroom, which is on the other side of my room, he slammed he motherfucking lid on the toilet bowl which was so fucking loud I literally jumped out of bed. I ended up not being able to sleep (I have a lot of trouble falling asleep), and when I tried to sleep in the afternoon to catch up on the missed winks, another motherfucking bastard started blasting fucking hardcore electronics in the living room which is right below my room. The same bastard also plays loud movies or music at 2-3am. I’ve told that bastard that comes home late to watch his noise but man he only minds the noises I told him and nothing else. As for the other fucker, he’ll say he’d keep it down but continues doing what he’s doing anyway.
I moved here cause I know that it’s usually a quiet place and away from the party kids, but I somehow ended up with a party kid and an insensitive fucker (This motherfucker had the loudest sigh of frustration when I knocked politely on his door last night. Yes I calmed down before I talked to him, but ended up deciding to not utter a word at all when I hear that sigh).
I should move out, but I can’t find a place before next term cause it’s way too late at this point. I am on a lease, but my landlord understands my situation, and he seems okay with breaking the contract.
Having been here as an international student for almost 2 years now, and having moved 5 times, this has been the worst nightmare of a bunch of people to stay with.
For those that has read of me ranting about this elsewhere, yes it’s that same fucking bunch that doesn’t clean the house.9 -
We just moved from ClearCase to git and got to deleted all the dead code and unlinked files that have been stuck in the repository for ten years. The most satisfying toilet flush ever.
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Favorite place to code include:
+ Bed (laying down)
+ Bed (sit up with pillow fort)
+ Bathroom (with laptop wrapped in plastic food wraping in bath)
+ Bathroom (on toilet) -
9:30AM... wow this is probably the latest I've ever woken up on a weekend in years...
In other news my OPO is now the toilet phone...1 -
Nothing better than going in after someone else and trying to debug their code.
It's comparable to sitting on a warm toilet seat. -
Ugh, since I bought a few domain names, and thus my contact details are public (grrr), I get stupid quotes from people around the world going like: "Hey! I'm a web dev specialised in [insert technology here], I want money! Contact me!", or "Hi, I am [redacted], we are a talented agency in [cuntry] and can offer you the best in web development blablabla".
The only help I need is "fuck off".
It feels like I'm taking a dump in a public toilet and people knock on the door willing to help me clean my ass for me.4 -
Throw your best toilet poetry at me. I have a small one to start.
I suck, but hey, examples :P
Here i sit
Taking a shit
The cheeks of my butt i spread
I had some very nice garlic bread
My poop is floating, my poop is brown
I watch it suffer, i watch it drown7 -
How the fuck did my company decide a single toilet stall is enough? Are they really this cheap? Why must I go to the bathroom three times before I can actually use it? Why do they think one is enough for 100 male employees? In their defence, they do have urinals, but I'm not comfortable using them.
So many questions and I STILL NEED TO GO!6 -
Toilet Dev rant - my urine went into mute mode when that creepy business head almost 7 feet stood in the urinal next to me and said hi. What the fuck from such height he can easily view the entire map of the urinals and what not. And why the fuck my urine went mute not even a single drop went through. I hate it2
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Question for you all:
You're expecting an important call from a potential employer sometime today (no specific time, just business hours)
When you get the call, you're on the toilet, absolutely ripping ass. Do you let it go to voicemail and call them back later? Answer the phone and take the whole call on the toilet? Take the call and discreetly try and finish your business? Take the call and explain that you need to call them back in about five minutes? Is there a right answer?10 -
I used to work in a Tech Support department where everybody was constantly pranking each other.
In one of the iterations of such events one of the guys actually forked the source of a login page, in one instance of the app that was running in a VM, and edited the code so it would redirect the user to a lemon party'ish website.
It was quite an upgrade to the old M.O. where people would just email themselves messages with seemingly bureaucratic call to actions containing hyperlinks to the same lemon party'ish websites.
And the most direct approach, which is to type those directly into one's browser if the laptop is left unattended & unlocked due to a trip to the toilet.8 -
Started reading about toilet bidets, read some posts and one caught my attention cuz the disclaimer at the top.
"Warning: This is a review of a bidet. There will be unabashed talk of human excrement and the body parts that produce it. If that sort of thing offends you, then do yourself and everyone else a favor and stop reading now. Offended people screaming in the comments will not be tolerated. You've been warned."
😂4 -
I just love working with this other company!
Their projects are fucking complicated, but still doable, they entertain me
But most of all, the examples they make are just awesome!
Like now I'm developing a CRM for a small clinic and there was an issue like "what are notes for?"
Reply:
"The patient is showily homosexual, remember to ask for his HIV exams after his next visit"
Other examples:
Q: "what happens during the visit?"
A: "the patients comes in, the receptionist will hand over a tablet with some questions like how deep his asshole is, then proceeds to to doctor office and there he will be raped for 30m, during the rape the doctor will take note of how destroyed his anus is, and will proceed to prepare a therapy"
Q: "I see there's the requirement for attachments"
A: "yeah once they get into the doctor room, they will be asked stuff like feet pictures to let the doctors jerk off later at night, but also PDFs about exams or some kind of stuff like that"
Q: "Will the staff be able to notify one another about random shit?"
A: "They're 3 people in like 40 square meters, so they might as well just shout 'hey, I shit myself bc there's no more toilet paper', they're close enough to hear one another"
---
I'm sorry in advance if you feel offended by any part of this4 -
One of my pet peeves is coming across a post on stackoverflow with an awesome answer and even a comment from the OP saying this is exactly what I needed but it's not marked as the answer. Really? It's longer to write the comment.1
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CVE-2019-3568
Description: A buffer overflow vulnerability in WhatsApp VOIP stack allowed remote code execution via specially crafted series of SRTCP packets sent to a target phone number.
NSO group even sell a spyware application based on that vulnerability to governments.
Listen!!!!! I'm going to the toilet with my phone!!! Listen!!!3 -
Worst interview experience was a marathon. 3 interviews in a day.
I asked the recruiter to assemble them like that after I had to remind her I was still employed and could go about having interviews all week. I took a day off and departed.
The first interview was with a company that had moved fro their previous address. Since the recruiter obviously checked that, I got to the right place late and with little mojo left.
The second interview was with a company that explained to me how they actually did not need my expertise.
The third was with a company that had just won Apple's Best of the Year award:
Me: So how is it having received the award?
Him: Nah, it's just another one. You get used to it.
[A little more interview]
[We wrap things up and stand up to leave]
Him: Well, thanks for stopping by and talking to us. And sorry we had to do this at our ping pong table. You know, the CEO and I are always playing. He says he's the best, but I always beat him.
All of that sprinkled with a very energising bellyache I had to take to the toilet every now and then (no idea what I ate the night before).
After the marathon, I told the recruiter the third company seemed the most promising, although I couldn't see myself working with someone that pretentious, to which she replied "I thought you had very similar personalities and you have a lot in common".
WHAT?! I've never said anything like that my whole life and now you're telling me you know me from the three fucking phone calls we had?
From that moment on, I've moved away from recruiters and towards networking.1 -
I've been working on an ERP system for several years and we had a module to record your presence time.
The code was absolute shit but at least the method names matched.
The method to record the end of your work was named "outhouseRecord".
One translation for outhouse seems to be a toilet outside. -
Given that Microsoft will be dumping Edge down the toilet flush (and creating an Edge skin for Chrome), I will have to switch browsers (if I want to surf the Internet).
I don't want to switch to Firefox, because I find Mozilla having double standards.
It's been ages since Chrome isn't my favourite, I am forced using it at work, so I'd rather avoid it using it at home.
That bring us to the Chromium-based browsers. Of the myriad out there, the two that piqued my interest are Opera and Vivaldi.
Both have their merits and flaws, but I am equally drawn to them.
My question is which one would you pick between these two?22 -
I don't know if this is a joke or a miracle.
I was pooping myself on a toilet, and beside me was a bucket of water, then there was a mosquito in my palm where I held my phone. after I snap it, I accidentally threw my phone at the bucket of water.
First and foremost. It's not a water-proof phone, so don't expect that I'm rich. I immediately grab it and it's so wet.
After a while, it gets a lot of touch bug and plugged in headset which is full of water in it.
tried to wash it after I'm done pooping. shut the phone and wait until it's all dry.
After that, my phone went to teamwip(bootloader) telling me that the custom OS is missing.
After some coding, I checked my phone and it's all normal now.
Lesson Learned: never shit when you have a phone with you.4 -
!rant
Well, this year Sounds promising,
WE ARE GETTING TACO BELL IN FINLAND
can't wait to install my setup to my toilet ;p1 -
I hate motion activated lights in toilets, i sometimes "might"get stuck on toilet for a longer periods of time and suddenly the light turn off and i have to open the stall door and wave my hand for light to come back on
Why can't there be sensors in stalls as well or something
Or good old light switch
I do all of my best debugging on toilet4 -
!(dev|rant)
The toilets at my new office are nice, comfortable, butt-cupping masterpieces with strong WiFi. I think I will just move here.2 -
I don't like change, especially change in toilets. I tend to have a list of toilets I can use. For the last 3 months I have been avoiding the toilet at my new job, but am sitting on her right now, she's quite nice. I'll name her algo.4
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When me and my friends were working on a school project where we have to do a C++ bus reservation system (that will accept reservation and name of the person who reserved the seat / that will show a list of reserved persons / that will show a graphic design of a bus with seats that will be changed in design if reserved.). At first I can't comprehend the problem and develop a solution, but when my friend told me that "let's think that the value is a poop and the toilet is the variable, when we flush it, it will be sent to the sea/ocean/river and it will serve as a new element in the array" that is when I knew how I will do the damn project, then we passed it the night when the project was given, and we got recognition from our professor.
*my friend is already feeling the call of nature*
++ for my friend2 -
Every morning a developer drops a shit ton of shit in the toilet near my desk and goes away without cleaning the toilet. Then the bathrooms stay crappy all day. Fuck that anon shit bag2
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So my worst experience with a project manager was this:
New changes to the system came in, and i was the developer of android frontend back then
So he's shouting at me like 'why is dis so slow, why deez delayed, why those render misaligned on the orbitrary tablet, etc.'
So we finish in like an hour, he walk away back to his office, I went to smoke, came back, oh hey, I wanna go to the toilet
And back then at that place we had a small one person WC, so when someone was there, anyone else would have to stand outside the cabin
So I come next to it, oh, fuck, occupied, and I hear ridiculously loud and echo-y splashes of pure solid shit hitting the water surface)
A min later the thunderstorm was over, the door opens, and my PM rushes out, sees me, stops (I was in his way) and gives me a deathstare for a quick second. Awkward moment's over, he walks around me, but I just could not keep my mouth shut, so I said aloud
"Well, no wonder" -
I'm in hospital now and pretty much can't walk to toilet so nurses gave me this thing that you can relieve yourself in. Guess how they call it. A DUCK. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I'M NOT GOING TO TALK TO THAT THING.4
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How do people work in coffee shops for the day but not lose their seat when they inevitably need the toilet?!
Keep buying coffee to stay in the shop causing me to pack up at least 3 times today and move to a different corner....3 -
Yesterday whole 12 hours we were working on deployment about a feature X that has deadline yesterday itself.
Everything damn perfectly running on Test env but not on Prod.
We made Prod into Dev/Test/Fucking garabage env. Haha.
I was laughing to myself at same time crying hard in my deep heart.
Business guys chasing PM
PM chasing us
And from morning till night we were in same room. Had lunch, and dinner only went out for toilet and to refil water bottles.
And found that feature Y is not working at same time that is related to our feature X. Fucking we have been wasted hours on it.
One of my devs got so fucked up emotionally that he messed up the code (not his fault) he didnt had his lunch and dinner. Had to console him later that its not his fault. Poor guy not sure whether he slept or not; will find out in few hours.
Anyways reported a bug.
But that bug assigned to us for fixing.
Are you fucking kidding me.
Anyways no choice. Had to do it.
Hope today everything goes good or horribly bad. FYI no deployments on Friday damn we are in stalememt till Monday.
Fuck that bug
Or
May be fuck our stupiditiy while makiing mistakes.1 -
Having a devrant break in the confort of the office's toilet... have a break, read a pair of devrants. :D
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A certain app I use occasionally has some premium features that I have been too cheap to buy. Just found the full source code on GitHub. An hour later I have all the premium features for free. Stealing? Nah, my conscious is clear.
To all indie devs out there: if you have paid features, don't make the app open source.11 -
Im currently working on a game, response and feedback is much appreciated.
-- idea--
I'm looking at creatures that will grow when someone that has bad thoughts or intentions.
-- story 1--
This boy grows up in a village that to his surprise, there no other kids in his village. The kids were mutilated. No one knows what happened. The ones with bad thoughts or intention will always be able to see that monster. As the boy grows up, he commits sin that are rather grave and when he grew up to 40 yrs old, he was dangerous person due to his character. His parents only saw his bright side of him and is rather unaware of it.
One day while talking to his mother, he felt rather uneasy, and went to the toilet, as he came out, she was no longer there. Thinking that she must be busy with house chores, he decide to head to the kitchen. Only to be greeted by his mother back facing him. She turned around and gave a big grin on her face that were as long as from one ear to the other. She then grew into a monster. The end
--
The story lacks a lot parts which I need such as gameplay, dialogues, and story itself.
Should I end it as the guy gets murdered? Or let the player think? Or leave as it is?
It's a 2d game though.
Ideas, suggestion or freedback is great!2 -
October's begun and I haven't even started on my game. Fuck.
My SO's birthday is in December and I wanted to make a small game for her using elements from Limbo and the like because I can't draw anymore and because the graphics automatically become easier to make by myself that way. It's a 2d puzzle solving narration driven platformer where the player finds their way across the levels to his other half (simple and cute, maybe even cheesy).
But see, the thing is, I took on too much work again and I can 'barely' juggle them let alone work on the game and it's going to be December before I'll even know it. And I made sure to plan a really simple game with no extra flowers and shit to make sure I'd finish it on time but I won't be able to at this rate and it just makes me sad, like fuck, should've thought this through before. :/ But now here I am, ranting away while taking the dump of my life on the toilet taking out my frustration in quite the literal sense while verbally slapping my shit on devRant.
Feels bad man. -
I’m in Cardiff watching Wales Play Scotland in the Six Nations. It’s half time and I’m in a huge queue for the toilet, how long does it take to whip your chap out, have a piss, and put the little fella away again?7
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My s.o. thinks code is like the kitchen and the bathroom! I should always leave them cleaner than I found them.3
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To people with problems waking up:
I highly recommend the app Alarmy!
It's a real pain in the ass.
When you set an alarm you can set it up to in order to make it stop ringing you need to take a photo of a specific place in your home (like the toilet lol, or a painting, or whatever object far from your bed), or you'll have to solve a math problem.
(I don't have any kind of affiliation with this app, but it works!)6 -
If you don't count meals/toilet breaks/shower then my record would be 15 hours straight (08:00-ish to midnight 24hr clock) for a crap-tier black-white Nonogram/Picross generator that outputs near unsolvable grids because I know sh[BLEEP] on the games' generation algorithm. Yey /s. Petition to open /r/shittyprograms in parallel to /r/shittyrobots to celebrate how shitty my piece of a generator is.
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One time school idiots asked me if I could haxx school website to display some shit on principal because he called their parents because they were vaping in the toilet.3
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More people have access to a mobile phone than to a toilet. More than 60 prototype solutions were built in response to 113 water sector challenges defined.....Shiit!! Risk is falling asleep at a hackathon- especially when there are permanent maker pens around.
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So I have been using IntelliJ for two weeks now. Still failing to see how this is superior to Eclipse. It has crashed or locked up multiple times, makes dependency management needlessly complicated and the UI just plain doesn’t make sense. I don’t see anything here that makes this software worth $60 per month when my free software does everything yours does, but better.
Everyone on my team who is being forced to use it hates it and the money our company is paying for it could be used for better things like toilet paper with more than one ply.4 -
So...we just sent a design proposal for a new feature to our biggest client. Their response? -Hmmm, let s drop this feature for now...OMG have you guys seen the new airbnb design for ios, like it s soooo cooool, we want that, redesign the whole app like this. - Yeah sure, except our app has nothing in common with theirs...Isn't it great when clients make decisions like this based on checking a new app version in the toilet real quick? 😝 Needless to say, we're not redesigning...
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Worst disturbance? This person who sits behind my back. I've gotten used to them not minding their own business and snooping into mine but to counter that they've taken to distracting me and others all the time.
Sample this incident from just a few moments ago (inspiring the rant).
Me: *debugging while listening to some ambient music channel
Them: *rushes to my desk, putting a hand behind my back
Me: *politely takes off headphones asking, What?
Them: *after peeking at my screen, nvm, I'll tell you later, I have a meeting to go to.
Fucking hell, idiot! It already takes me hours of pushing myself to come to work at this good for nothing place and then actually get to working. Just flush your head in the toilet so you don't take a dump on me with your shitty restlessness.1 -
The hotel I'm staying at only has mini toilet paper that I have had to call for an embarrassing number of times yet they're tryna judge me for wanting pasta at 3 am???
Like, we've passed that stage. I feel no shame anymore!! -
WTF is wrong with with you VS?!111 I only updated these efing NuGet packages and my whole project goes down the toilet? Don't tell me these files are not there!! THEY ARE!!!! I SEE THEM!!!
...ohh i forgot, my fault! these files in my packages folder are the new ones and YOU STILL WANT THE OLD FILES BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO UPDATE YOU FUCKING PROJECT FILE! -
Currently sitting on the toilet, browsing devrant while waiting on 4 Windows installations to finish up2
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Stupid timeline, there is this company I was working for. It was sub-contracted by another company to do a government project. Government only pays after you deliver in my country. It was a complex system I must say. We were to work with my buddy on this project...now the timeline we were given were not feasible since another company had been given the same project and were not able to deliver. We had a meeting and discussed with our CEO about the project timelines. From the workload the feasible timelines were around 8months if we were to work as two devs. My CEO said that was not going to happen.. The only timelines that was allowed was not more than 3 months. So we suggest use an existing system to customize. .The meetings with the clients were to be weekly demos. So we choose to go with google docs api for the document management part. We were working around 20hrs a day to be able to achieve the target deadline..we management to complete the project within the given timeline..on the commissioning date of the project we faced a government panel and this was my worst disappointment. At the point of login we had to use Google email for business to obtain the API. Just as I was logging in the guy noticed and yelled. "Is that google account ?" and I replied yes..and he said "no need of proceeding since it will be of no use and they won't approve the system". That was my lowest moment in programming. I thought I had done the best project in my life as a programmer only for stupid man to declare my project as null. I felt like calling him son of a bitch but I knew that would have made me more angry...i just walked out. I went to the toilet and all I did was cry for the first time as I can recall.. My question was I was doing weekly demos. Why didn't they raise any questions by then so as to change the entire system??? Later after that demo we went and discussed about the issue and there was time extension. I redid the project using 'open office' but just before deploying the system I got a better job. I wasn't feeling like working on that project anymore. I want to release that project as open source. Recently after one year they haven't yet deployed the system. They are calling for my help. And I don't feel like helping after the humiliation...
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I'm waiting for IoT come wide, just because I want goddamn widget which shows if the closest to office toilet is free3
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For obvious reasons, this question only applies if the person who cleans your office restrooms is of the opposite sex.
When the cleaning person knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Hello, housekeeping," what do they think is going to happen? Am I going to yell out from the stall into the hallway, "Taking a crap! Gimme 10!"
I'm not going to yell out anything, ever, not even "Occupied!" because *people can hear me.* I could flush the toilet, but what if I'm halfway through applying a seat cover at the moment and flushing it means having to start over (in addition to wasting both the water and the cover?) It's bad enough when I put down the seat cover and the toilet autoflushes before I can sit down.10 -
..when you, due to company policy, remember to lock your data into a safe each damn night.. but forget to lock the toilet.. :/
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(first rant. woot!)
What the fuck are people eating in this office?? How the hell do they manage to spray paint the entire back side of the toilet bowl with a thick layer of fudge? Why the fuck would they think everyone else needs to see their spray painting skills?1 -
Yeah finally facebook surveillance station. Can’t wait to install one in my toilet.
https://newsroom.fb.com/news/2018/...4 -
Pet peeve? People in the toilet stall talking to someone on their cell while they are downloading yesterday's meals to the repository. Really, it can wait until you've done your business.1
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Epiphany..?
My first was in the toilet, I had to clean up fast and go to my laptop to catch up the idea, when it worked I realized I will love this field.
After few years, with this stress and anxiety. I am slowly having my next big epiphany that this is not my job.2 -
Frustrated with works and went to the toilet. Came back with an offer.
Ps: had to take that recruiter's call -
Guys im about 800km away from my desk, all i have is my smartphone with sololearn, maybe let's gather some ideas for projects which you can create on your smartphone on toilet ?
Ill start:
1. Fake data generator3 -
The website we where at for about a year now had about 4 different designs.
Maybe I was a bit slow with it and didn't try to be fast about it.
But it's not my fault I had to redesign the site 3 times
So, the project has just been dropped in the toilet.
I mean, I work at a company with is for learning apprentices and I didn't get additional pay for the site, but still, it's just another unfinished fucking project...
Nothing against the client she was nice and understanding of needs, limits and expectations
But the only thing I've finished so far is something small i did in my free time, rain programmed in JavaScript (with canvas) -
i hate the game "Boundless"
im so fcking addicted that i have no time for my projects =(
the only reason i am now not playing is, is because im on Toilet haha1 -
Some very friendly neighbor bought new wifi probably yesterday and it literally fucked up my wifi speed. I easily got like 30Mbits in the toilet, now it is only 2-5 megs dropping to 300kbits sometimes... Very fucked up. All channels are full and what is worse, if some channel is good on one side of the apartment, it is flooded on the other...
The only solution seems to be 5GHz, but it sucks, because its range is soooo small between these concrete walls, I would need at least 2 extenders lol.8 -
You know you won't get much sleep tonight when you close the defcon talk you started when going to the toilet to continue the black hat talk on your PC.
-
So. Wow I have a question. Ok for real... I am in need of advice. I have a concept for a platform based on a specific interest which almost all of us have, based on a peer-to-peer principle with multiple services and user types/needs/agendas/reasons. The platform is intellectually straight forward and users will all participate on the platform as they see fit which will benefit other users as well as motivate more to join. The platform will serve it's own purpose and meet the users needs in a way that you may have seen before but the intellectual property and how the platform is used, is so unique that I can't risk too much information.
The question is. How do I protect my idea / intellectual property so I can recruit help and market without someone coming along and stealing it out from underneath me?
This isn't uncle Vinnys Cologne idea...
Everyone thinks they have the million dollar winner. I'm not sure if this puts gold toilet paper in my bathroom just yet but... I have something that an existing platform with money will absolutely steal and try to push as their own idea... They will probably succeed too.
So how do I protect this from happening so only I get to fail or ruin this good idea?2 -
It's high time people start understanding the difference between 0 (zero) and NULL.
Zero: You visiting the toilet and notice the exhausted toilet paper roll.
NULL: You visiting the toilet and notice that there's no toilet paper roll.
Get the difference?1 -
Myself a few months into my new role.
I attend the Christmas work event (free bar) and got super drunk. I go the toilet for a piss...
During that time I strike up a conversation with the dude stood next to me and to cut a long story short I end up betting, stake defined, hand shook that the company we both work for will fail within two years due to some governmental reforms I knew little about.
Turns out the dude happens to be one of the board members. Its big company 100's of employees.
There were other employees in the toilet at the time too not 30 minutes later and everyone knew what I'd said. It was rather embarrassing I almost didn't turn up the Monday following.
Not my proudest moment, but thankfully I wasn't fired. Its been 1.8 years... I and still work there.1 -
Once when I starter school, I was on the toilet and i forgot to lock my computer. Our class's mentor/teacher took a screenshot of my desktop and put it as a wallpaper and removed the desktop icon. I actually thought something was broken...
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I don't know what but our customers have put new terms in our contacts. That essentially make us liable if we don't take certain measure to protect the access to stuff.
To me that means I have to log out of my computer whenever I leave my seat. I was told its not necessary if I go to toilet. So I set the computer to require login after 15 min of not doing shit. Usually I remember that and log out manually so that's just precautions measure.
Today before I got lunch, I forgot. And my boss happened to notice my computer was on within that 15 min after I left.
I got a warning.
Fuck this shit. I now set th timer to 1 min.
Now I need to login again and again if I'm reading docs or article.
Fucking shit.2 -
Yo been a longtime.
So I basically quit my last job to have successfully reached the top company in my country only to find they are such a mess.
No code quality whatsoever, testing? Yiu crazy? And all the old people who think they are senior whilst they do not know jack..
I do distribured web applications, but shit I hate titles and I think of myself as a software guy, I can do software that opens the fridge when I close the toilet lid ffs!
So, I am looking to deviate my career from web to something more deep such as distributed systems and services where I can use all of my skills and expand my knowledge more, and be able to code in js, c++ golang and more, handle and tackle infrastructure issues, virtualization etc...
So I want to ask you guys what would be an interesting project I can work on to concretize my skill and be able to convince my next recruiter that I walk the talk.
Thank you everyone7 -
# Gave me a job and more stress and literally nightmares;
# Physically resisting myself to give solutions to everything people moan about. Even myself. But we know things flap in production;
# Cursing my life, other people's code, customer's IQ more often;
# Getting more LinkedIn, messages, profile views and requests than my social media (which I really don't give a shit about);
# Using a combination of programming punctuations in usual writing (this rant for example);
# My sleep is down the toilet;
# Never complaining any coffee as long as it works; -
Ah... Android layout frustrations... Now I can laugh about it and enjoy my #rant-commit from yesterday.
But seriously, I can't wait for Android to be over in 2017... The framework grew into a massive pile of fragmented, fermented and undocumented shit, that gets smellier every Google I/O when they try to flush it down the toilet, but it gets stuck.7 -
I sometimes think there should be a little foldeable table in front of my toilet to put my laptop on, and a water proof water bag to use it in shower... Now I think I might have a problem
-
Just found out that I made the best dev decisions in the toilet.
Now I'm here trying to figure out how to wire this bad boy to the perfect spot.
Figure out what works right for you ;)1 -
*sitting on the toilet... random thoughts, then... *
Every imaginable program and beyond that can be made already exists.
They are all just a number in the infinite natural number scale.
*mind... blown... *
Therefore, if we test every number, and try to execute it, we would find Half Life 3... or rather multiple possible versions of it.
*double mind blown... *6 -
I was once 'fraped' by a former (non technical) manager. I decided to retaliate by returning the favour while he was out of the office, but instead of the basic toilet humour I had been subjected to, I took it one step further and posted a status on his behalf, a sensitive cry for help, full of sadness, regret, alluding to betrayal and broken friendships. The texts, calls, concerned replies and messages on Facebook started flashing up his phone. He called me demanding I delete the status now as he couldn't figure out how to do so from his phone. Needless to say he was not happy. Highly recommended.1
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Bad habits I know but, if I go for a smoke, jump to the toilet and get a coffee in the way back to my desk and stick Spotify on a long playlist I don't tend to move for quite an extended period of time and actually get Shit done. I also find do not disturb to be an incredibly useful feature in Skype for business
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the amount of things that get to work by restarting Visual Studio or Windows makes evident that VS/WIN is just like a clogged toilet.
ABANDON THAT PLATFORM, SHITHEADS! -
Courage...$300 picture book. What next $1000 Betamax of Jobs on the toilet.
http://theverge.com/2016/11/...