Details
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Abouthere for the LOLs
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SkillsPL/SQL(create), Java(class), JavaScript(hello world), Python(hello world)
Joined devRant on 9/28/2016
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Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"
Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"
Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"
Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"
Boss: "What?"
Me: "Not the team, the servers..."
Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"
Me: "I get why he left you"
Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."
Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"
Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"
Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."
Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"
Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"
Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"
Boss: "That's what he said"
Me: "You're using that meme wrong"
Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"
Me: "That would work"
Boss: "Why are you grinning?"
Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"18 -
To become an engineer (CS/IT) in India, you have to study:
1. 3 papers in Physics (2 mechanics, 1 optics)
2. 1 paper in Chemistry
3. 2 papers in English (1 grammar, 1 professional communication). Sometimes 3 papers will be there.
4. 6 papers in Mathematics (sequences, series, linear algebra, complex numbers and related stuff, vectors and 3D geometry, differential calculus, integral calculus, maxima/minima, differential equations, descrete mathematics)
5. 1 paper in Economics
6. 1 paper in Business Management
7. 1 paper in Engineering Drawing (drawing random nuts and bolts, locus of point etc)
8. 1 paper in Electronics
9. 1 paper in Mechanical Workshop (sheet metal, wooden work, moulding, metal casting, fitting, lathe machine, milling machine, various drills)
And when you jump in real life scenario, you encounter source/revision/version control, profilers, build server, automated build toolchains, scripts, refactoring, debugging, optimizations etc. As a matter of fact none of these are touched in the course.
Sure, they teach you a large set of algorithms, but they don't tell you when to prefer insertion sort over quick sort, quick sort over merge sort etc. They teach you Las Vegas and Monte Carlo algorithms, but they don't tell you that the randomizer in question should pass Die Hard test (and then you wonder why algorithm is not working as expected). They teach compiler theory, but you cannot write a simple parser after passing the course. They taught you multicore architecture and multicore programming, but you don't know how to detect and fix a race condition. You passed entire engineering course with flying colors, and yet you don't know ABC of debugging (I wish you encounter some notorious heisenbug really soon). They taught 2-3 programming languages, and yet you cannot explain simple variable declaration.
And then, they say that you should have knowledge of multiple fields. Oh well! you don't have any damn idea about your major, and now you are talking about knowledge in multiple fields?
What is the point of such education?
PS: I am tired of interviewing shitty candidates with flying colours in their marksheets. Go kids, learn some real stuff first, and then talk some random bullshit.18 -
A client’s server crashed so they called us. When we checked the logs we found a user was logged in 200,000+ times. We told them the user and a few minutes later we get a picture of a cupcake that was on the enter key. They got cupcake DOS attacked. My team isn’t in charge of the login functionality but I can say the team that is got a fairly aggressive internal support ticket.5
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preface: I'm fucking exhausted and angry.
Why does everyone assume I know how to do frontend?
Why am I always the design girl?
Why?
You hire me to do backend. STOP GIVING ME FRONTEND DESIGN CRAP. I HATE IT.
AND STOP GODDAMN YELLING AT ME FOR NOT MAKING SOMETHING RESPONSIVE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW.
yes i can learn, but I CAN'T FUCKING PICK UP A SKILL LIKE THAT IN A DAY. Also, I fucking hate it.
STICK IT UP YOUR (min-width: 1400px) ASS.
But seriously, I've spent 13 hours today figuring out completely new things (webpack, susy, express.js, cloudinary, responsive best practices, more webpack) because the boss is in panic-mode (his preferred state) and wants this project released last monday.
guess what? it isn't done.
because i still don't know how to do everything. and ofc there's nobody to ask because there never fucking is.
Seriously, boss-man. hire a fucking designer, and stop being an illiterate sales goon while you're at it. ffs.54 -
Fuxk yeah! My code works! It's 2AM, I'm happy and there's no one around, so I wrote a poem :-P
What was once impossible,
Is now close to completion,
Thanks to my debug statements,
Which now await their deletion.28 -
Disclaimer, this is not anything close to being dev-related but fuck it, I'm about to puke because this situation's really bizarre.
A close friend of mine is being publicly accused of physical and mental abuse by his ex-girlfriend. For simplicity I'll call him B and her Z.
I've been friends with Z since we met at school, around 10 years ago. She has always had emotional problems, mainly due to her mothers bipolarity. As a friend I tried to somehow help her but it was really difficult given her situation.
Fast-foward some time, most of our group get into the same university. There we meet B, he was classmates with my best friend so we got to be close friends. We spent entire nights eating pizza, playing sm4sh and talking about life. After some time, they (Z and B) start dating each other. They made a really good couple, B was very supportive with all of Z's problems and I really thought everything was going to be fine.
A year and a half passed and the relationship naturally weared down. B couldn't keep handling with Zs personal problems and Z was fed up with Bs insensibility. What do I refer with insensibility? Well, for starters he had a well developed black humour. He'd make jokes like "You should learn to cook to feed me" or "Your hairstyle looks like Princess leia, etc". I do understand why in the end they would end up. She had really deep issues. For example, since we were 12 she's had recurrent panic attacks. They are no joke. The problem is that she would fake them from time to time only in order to make any argument go her way. This isn't something we suspected, she has confessed this several times to some of us in my group. She did this constantly with B. B came from a "traditional" mysoginist family, so, even though I wouldn't say B is sexist, he at least has made some mysoginist statements. Both of them weren't happy with each other and it was fine, they just had to break up.
After some shitty moves from Z after breaking up, both Z and B continued a simple life... until B decided to get into our university politics. Z HATED the party B got into. It was a movement made with the only purpose of making fun of university politics, highlighting the cynical stances of some leaders and making Jojo's poses. Yesterday Z called my best friend in a coloquial manner talking about that time B said he got into an argument with his mom and "hit her to the ground only to continue hitting her", asking to send it on a whatsapp voice message (WTF). Needless to say, he told us one day that his mom slapped him really hard so he locked himself in his room. So my best friend naturally told her he didn't remember anything like that. Almost inmediately, B got notified by some members of his party that there was a demand of abuse against him in the federation of students. Then Z posted a public facebook post in which she "admited" to have been both physicaly and mentally abused by B. I understand why there could be no proofs, but the story she told was full of BIG lies I know because I was in some of those situations. Here are some:
-His mental abuse caused her panic attacks for the first time in her life. Which is false, she has been having them since little due to the extreme mental stress she has lived from having a bipolar mother.
-He "separated" her from her loved ones (including her mother). The truth is that she always hated her mother and during her relationship with B, she got a lot closer to her father and brothers.
-He was always controlling her and never leaving her alone to the point she didn't have any personal space left. Sadly this was the exact opposite. While B had exam weeks, Z wouldn't let him study, she constantly messaged him, called him and even drove to his house faking panic attacks (as she confessed to some of us).
I do think he wasn't a good boyfriend, but shit, she's trying to destroy his life here. The facebook post was and has been blown way out of proportion. It has around 700 reactions, 150 shares and it is full of hate messages and threats against B and men in general. Due to faculty protocols, B will certaintly loose all his scholarships (which accont for 6k dolars anually) and is risking being kicked out of the university. Add to that all the shit they've been throwing at him, and we have a heavily damaged individual with an acusation that only costed some messages to the "Gender secretary" of the federation and some keystrokes on facebook.
I never understood why people would say "this made me want to puke" until today. My friend's life is being destroyed only because he dated Z. I can't sleep. I can't study. I can't code. I can't play games. I guess I'm shocked.14 -
People with programming languages named after them:
Haskell Curry
Ada Lovelace
Agner Erlang
Blaise Pascal
Taylor Swift30 -
So my school got invited to this coding competition for high-schoolers and among them, I was a part member and part mentor along side our CS professor since I was the most proficient coding stuff (although most of I do were JS and Python stuff although i can read other code)
Then this guy showed up.
He was picked by the faculty to take the WebDev competition. He knows how to use Photoshop for Photo retouchings and stuff but here's a problem.
He can't code nor make a proper website design.
So being the kind person I am, I volunteered to teach him what I know about frontend and HTML. This goes on for 4 weeks of nonstop practices, coding sessions and finally, Code In The Dark-style practice (which involves the person to code a full website for only 15 minutes).
When he was able to finish and mastered some of what I taught. I gave him the go signal and we were on to the road to victory.
Unfortunately our first try, we won nothing.
He said after the competition "I give up man, I can't take this!" but I said, "Just because you lost a f*cking competition once, doesn't mean you're a motherf*cking loser in life. There's still one more chance."
So I pressured our WebDev guy to be more better, taught him about mockups, JavaScript and etc.
Then the second attempt a year later, me and the WebDev guy won and moved on the finals. However, he didn't win the finals and I was the lone champion reprsenting our school.
Although he didn't win, he was happy I carried the torch and win the prize.
Prior to that, he asked me "Hey, how to be like you?"
I only answered, "Achievements are just gold with cloth and paper. Wear it lightly".
Fast forward to today, he's now the school's head design coordinator and layout designer for their newspaper column. He also practices his coding skills by frequenting on our coding sessions even when the competition was over.
But whenever someone asks "who taught you this?" he would only look to me, smile and say "that person right there".7 -
No Rant, just wanted to say devRant is something I have been looking for in a long time, Love it !3
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Among my fellow developers at work, there is one guy who stands out because he actually strives to write modular, reusable and readable code. He literally saved me weeks of development by making his code modular enough that I can simply use it almost like a mixin where I only need to provide an alternative template. Note that the feature I'm talking about is for a pretty much sophisticated business process related to handling credit card data. Others in my workplace would just couple their logic tightly with their feature/scope's views.
I really wanna hug him and be his BFF now. #nohomo tho.9 -
>>> print(whoSaid("OlderFriend"))
About 20ish years ago I was working in IT, and it was about around this time where CD-Roms were hitting the stores and becoming the newest craze. However, Microsoft did not write the drivers correctly for this new hardware.
In a nutshell, the driver would be installed and the user would lose the sound to their speaker.
How did this happen? By altering the way the interrupts worked on the computer. At the time there only existed a few unreserved IRQs or Interrupt ReQuests. The installer package would redirect IRQ 5 which is "User Selectable (Sound Cards)" to work with the CD-Rom. This was fine and all unless you wanted to listen to your speakers.
I had come up with a clever hack through rewriting a config file that would be run during bootup. So at the time of boot up IRQ 5 would be dedicated to the sound card, and IRQ7 (which was usually for the Lpt1 Printer) would be dedicated to the CD-Rom. This worked.
And because I was IT at the time, I would get a lot of calls for fixing this problem.
So, as you can imagine, I've gotten **really** good at doing this. I didn't even need to be at a computer to walk someone through the problem.
I receive a call one day, it was a problem with the CD-Rom and sound card. I walk him through the problem and he reboots his computer. I could hear him on the other side jumping with joy when he was able to put in his music CD and hear sound coming from the speakers.
He asks me, how in the hell did you figure this out!? You're a fucking Genius!
And I said, It's not rocket science it's just a computer.
There was a long pause of silence.
Uhhh... Hello? Did I say something wrong?
Sir, I work at NASA I deal with Rocket Science on a daily basis.4 -
My friend just started RUBY.
He read somewhere " Ruby is used commonly in rails ".
He now thinks RUBY is for programming trains and station related stuff.15 -
Is the software at your company so bad that it's a miracle that anything works?
Does it feel like this colossal pile of broken electronics from the past 30 years duct taped together and patched with multiple tiers of adapters, wires spliced together with scotch tape, and someone on stand by with a fire extinguisher?
Do you feel like getting your product to work is like how we used to get things to work back in the eighties? Not just turning things off and on again, but things like hitting the tv to make it work again, blowing into cartridges, and the feeling of pulling on the starting cord on a gas powered mower over and over again to no avail?
That is exactly what my company's codebase is. A huge amorphous, heterogenous pile of shit that somehow works and occasionally has to be massaged to make it work again. Fuck my life.3 -
I hate setting up case statements cause it's hard to cover every case. What if a virus puts a gun to my programs head? What if my program is at a cache party and chrome offers it weed? What if my program isn't gay, but $20 is $20?2
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Manager: Why are you always refactoring?
Me: Refactoring keeps the codebase's entropy in check :)
Manager: mind blown!!3 -
Just went out from a 12+ hours session of debugging.
After removing bits of code until there was almost nothing left, sweeping through StackOverflow, step-debugging into thousand-lines framework source code, running tests, considering filing a bug to Android...
turns out I had a
getFragmentManager()
that should actually have been
getChildFragmentManager().1