It's my birthday! :)
And it's a national holiday in India. :D
#NoWorkDay

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

Me: I love Atom!

10 min later

Me: I hate you Atom!!!

When you're demoing you own program to people and you run into a bug you've never had before

This has to be the funniest IT fail ever. https://m.reddit.com/r/...

Found it in a comment somewhere on devrant (i forgot who posted originally, but this is me giving credit)

I couldn't help but give a humble chuckle.

Welcome back from vaccation....

Git newbie

"Best" resumes in the world thread.

Brace yourselves...

Email: "We just launched our new web interface! It's so much easier to use, and should make life a lot easier for our users."

Me: Oh good this thing has been unusable since I've been working here. How do I get on the new version? Better read on...

"Download this PDF for more information!"

Erm... ok.

In the (20 page) PDF: "Email this address@example.com to get the URL!"

ffs ok

email: "Thank you for emailing us, you username is benoliver999, your password is 'passow0rd' and the url is in this attached PDF

god help me

(50 page) PDF: "Remember to disable pop up blocker, ad-block and to install Flash"

Today I have started building my own version of this product so we can stop using these idiots.

As an aside, the username 'admin' also had a password of 'passow0rd'...

Happy 25th birthday, Linux! Here's your fucking cake, go ahead and compile it yourself!

Got the memory usage of a c++ program from 1.5gb to 800mb at work.

Never felt so pro before :D

OCD and multiple developers on a project never go hand in hand

I always hated those challenges...

My job is so f**king unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.

SELECT *
FROM World
WHERE "Someone"
LIKE "%YOU%"

1. Code works
2. Add if statement
3. Code breaks
4. Comment out if statement
5. Code works
6. Uncomment if statement
7. Code works
8. Wtf??

I'm working with a 70-year old database administrator. Beat that ranters!

beginner coder: figures out how to write a feature

average coder: knows a few different ways to write a feature. but not quite sure on which one to use.

master coder: meditates before starting a project. closes his eyes to map out the entire infrastructure of the project.

god coder: gets paid ALOT of money to guide people on the right to do it.

Client sends me their "about us" page in an image (second time they've done this after I've asked for text versions). Do you hate me or are you just a fucking moron. You don't write a book in an image. You don't send emails in an image. No you send it in fucking text. 😤

I just asked my girlfriend if we can have a baby so I can get a devRant stressball.

At my first job I had a senior who took backups of code by zipping it and uploading on Google drive. Once I told him why don't you use git, he said it's not as secured as Google.
I left the job one month later

Techs came by to set me up with a new OS for development.

If I could impress girls with my Java skills, I would still be single.

In the late 90's before I knew anything about web development at all I used to think HTML was an abbreviation for hotmail.

Those who eat Indian food will understand ;)

marriage programmed!

Super exited! Been thinking for a while now about getting back to software development (worked couple year as dev in my teens decade ago and since then have been in completely different field of work).
Finally made some effort towards my goal and applied for a position nearby.
After four rounds of interviews and tests, I got the job! Awesome!

Facts:
The root is at the top of the tree 🤔

Facts:
That there is a thing called "Constant Variable"