Advice to new programmers.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I present you the API I'm working with...

That's a pretty fucking useful error description right there.

Management : "How long you think it would take?"

Me : "now this is a rough estimate, but I think building the back-end and database alone could take 6-months minimum"

Management : "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS"

me : "its a big proj..."

Management : "I thought it will be something like 10 days, already told the client it can be done"

me : "but we are not ready"

Management : "how are we not ready? we already have the virtual 3D shop, and we can use this ready-to-deploy eCommerce service as our data base "
... "you need to figure this out, this is not acceptable" he continued

* 2 Days Later -talking to my direct boss *
Boss : "since you don't know how to do it..."

me : "what ? I didn't say I can't do it, all I said it will take six months"

Boss : "yeah yeah, anyway there is this studio, a professional polish studio, we called them and they can do it, we will sign a contract with them, this will let you focus on the front-end. good?"

me : "well alright then"

Boss : "please write a doc, explaining everything needed from the backend"
-to me that was the end of it, took a long time to tell me they made the deal-

* 5 Months later *
- "Abdu, can you come here for a minute..."
- "yes boss?"
- "the document we asked you to do for the Polish studio, did you specify that we needed an integration with the API we are using for eCommerce?"

scared to death I answered : "why of course I did!"
I ran to my PC to check it out because I didn't know, I forgot because no one even comment on my doc. I check it out, and it was clearly explained... I got relaxed...

turns out they didn't even do what we asked them for. took them 5 months, and with no communication whatsoever. all their work was useless to us. complete dump waste.

----------------
never mentioned this until a year later... in a heat of moment when they were asking me to make an impossible task with no men and no time... I reminded them of this story... management didn't like it. but it was the truth. they didnt push this crazily this time

*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*

Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"

Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"

Mom: *looks confused*

"I also want to use Fesabook on it"

Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*

*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*

Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"

*One hour later*

*Mom calls*

"Son, I think the laptop broke"

Me: "What? What happened?"

Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)

Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"

Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"

Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."

Mom: "What a ripoff"

*Hangs up the phone*

This is Gold

It really sucks being the senior guy sometimes because it means there's nobody above you that you can bounce questions off of. No mentor. Just random people on the internet (and stack overflow, eww.)

The rubber ducky on my monitor can only go so far.

It's a constant worry of "am I writing garbage?" and "is there a better way to do this?"

I'd kill for a QA group that I could actually send some of my stuff to and get feedback.

Avast. :/

When you get high on validation

Oh shit

"Don't give your 100%. Never. Once you gave, managers will start expecting more than that." - My mentor.

When you FINALLY manage to reproduce that bug that's been hunting you for 4 FUCKING MONTHS

Hardcore developers these days,

Interviewer: We're worried you don't have enough backend experience for this frontend position.

!rant

I love these Sanity Checks just for the comments along with them 😂

Its magic

That fortune cookie is definity meant for programmers.

2011: 3 billion devices run Java
2018: 3 billion devices run Java

#1 learn how to use debugger
#2 always cover your code with unittests

Code doesn't lie, comments do.

Random password generator...

Hey, have you ever wanted to punch a developer 8611 times before?

(Q: How much are you allowed to Google as a developer?)

“You’re allowed to Google as much as you want. This is not school, you’re employed to solve a problem. Nobody cares whether you Google for the answer or remember the answer from another Googling.”

When you use a new technology without reading the documentation first.

"You're gonna lose. BUG TIME"

The typical devRanter

1. Uses dark theme of IDE and devRant app
2. Hates his/her clients
3. Likes Arch based distros
4. Checks his/her ++'s count or notifications after publishing a rant
5. Hates facebook
6. Associate the morning with a cup of coffee
7. Can't do any job when there are no headphones
8. iPhone vs Android? - fuck, they both are good/bad
9. Every time googles git command to remove a local branch
10. The best VCS is git, but I never used any other VCS

I guess she was fluent in C#

Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

Got a phone interview for a backend dev job in an opsec company.

Interviewer:
This is a very serious and prestigious position, we take care of the most important bits of code.

*Proceeds to talk introductory nonsense*

Interviewer:
Do you know what a DNS is?

Me:
Yes, of course! DNS stands for Domain Name System.... Blah blah blah... I explain about the servers, about hosts file, about DNS spoofing and everything else possible on this topic.

Interviewer:
See, I was patient with you - letting you finish. I'm not sure what you're talking about and where you got it from, but a DNS is that line in the browser where you type the site's name.

He didn't ask any more questions, just told me that they'll get back to me. I asked not to do that.

Three weeks later I got an email claiming that I'm not qualified.

Had a customer on the phone who couldn't figure something out. Wanted to give him instructions so I asked him whether he used mac or windows (getting used to not including Linux in that question). His reply: uhm this has a weird name... do you know elementary os?

Me: you're a Linux user?!
Him: yes, I'm done with windows and mac.

Then i gave him the instructions. Nice twist of the day!

!rant
Friend got me a rubber giraffe because he couldn't find a rubber duck for my birthday. This is a toy for infants and it's perfect. Apart from satisfying the use case of a rubber duck for debugging, it has added features like you can chew it when you're too frustrated (coz it's made chewable for babies) and when you press it, it makes the weird peep peep noise so that you can express your glee in successfully finding and fixing a bug.
10/10 would recommend.