Human nature in a nutshell....

i started using reddit i few days ago

!r/ProgrammerHumor

lol.

The world is about to end

Change the code and see what broke. This is the only way to understand your code

Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.

Ms fanboy I used to know used to brag about his 10gb of Skype history.

What he hears: I'm so social and cool and stuffs.
What I hear: I've given about 10gb of personal data to Microsoft and several intelligence agencies.

It's all about perspective.

If you let me use your WiFi, I feel bad for you son.
I can see your 99 problems, and porn is definitely one!

😉😂😂😂😂

Tldr :
Office Building : 1
Population: 5000
Number of PC users: 5000
No of Spare mice: 0

Day 1:
Training period commences.
My mouse laser sensor doesn't work.

Solution: Use this mouse to log in to your system.
Open the company portal.
Connect to vpn.
Enter username password.
Create a ticket for mouse replacement.
Done.

Day 3
I bring my own mouse.
Confiscated at security.
Becomes a security violation.

Day 9
I get a call from helpdesk.
Agent- what is the problem?
Me- my mouse is not working.
Agent- why?
Me- what do you mean? Something is wrong with the sensor.
Agent- clean the sensor.
Disconnects call.
Marks ticket as resolved.
Me- WTF just happened!

Naturally, I escalate the issue.

Day 15
Level 2 Agent- what happened? Why have you escalated the issue?
Me- I need a mouse, waiting since 2 weeks.
Him- No mouse is available
Me- you don't have a single spare mouse available in an office with 5000 PC users?
Him- no they're out of stock.
Me- when will it be back in stock?
Him- we will 'soon' launch a tender for quotations from sellers.
Me- time?
Him- 1 week.

Day 34

I email the head of supplies for the city office. Next day I get a used super small mouse, which doesn't have a left button. Anyways, I've given up hope now.

Day 45
I become a master at keyboard shortcuts.
Finish my training.
Get transferred to another city.
No mouse till date.

Surprisingly, this was one of the top recruiters in my country. Never knew, MNCs can be so so inefficient for such simple tasks.
Start-ups are way better in this regard. Latest tech, small community, minimal bureaucracy and a lot of respect and things to learn.

Nope.. Not doing that.

Normal gamer:
- How tf didn't he die?! It was a headshot!

Programmer:
- Fuck hitboxes.

this. is. very. common.

💻💻💻

A client that owns a restaurant wanted me to develop a webapp for the restaurant with 15-20 pages and table reservation feature. He wanted to pay me with a "free" dinner in the restaurant.

Did you say security?

Windows 10 Native SSH client inside CMD is crazy nice, no more putty... given its a windows feature and all!

(Hidden in additional features if any one is interested, will need a reboot to work)

Him: everything is hackable, you know
Me: oh well, enlighten me with an example.
Him: well take for example whatsapp, which was bought by facebook, so if Facebook is hackable, then why not WhatsApp
Me: ok, so tell me how do you hack Facebook ?
Him: just like how you hack WhatsApp.
Me: *digs in the Bosch toolkit to find and drilling machine* How about I drill some knowledge into you? *evil jack nicholson (the shining) smile*

I met my girlfriend due to code.

There were these free courses for competitive programming as a preparation for the informatics olympiad and we got along and made weird programs and had a great time. Most of the other people there were much younger than us, and in the actual finals she ended up beating me by quite a bit, yet she still dares to say I am a better programmer.

It's been almost a year since then. Wow

Huhh!!

How to advertise... uhm... not the right way!

The 'beschermd tegen anti-ddos' literally translates to 'protected against anti-ddos'

So then I can DdoS the living shit out of that those services and will be protected against the anti DdoS stuff....?! 🤣

I am pretty fast...😂😂

Just created this meme.

Nyehhh :D

OMFG! I just figured out the solution for low fps in every gaming console!

I hope this piece of (genius) code get to microsoft/sony!!!

It's funny because it's true

C++ has become cockpit of Boeing 747
Too many controls? Yes.
Takes shitton of time to get ball rolling? Yes.
You need just bunch of them to get stuff done? Hell yes.
You still have to learn a lot of them if you plan to become professional? Yes.
You need to touch most of the fancy stuff only once in a while? Yes.
Many controls you wont be touching except once or twice in your whole career? Hell fucking yes.
You need those fancy controls when shit goes tits up? You better have them, or you are dead!
Creds: A.M.

When Ice - Cream is life!😍

P.S: This is the best review I've ever read😂

Alas... Bitcoin...

Read till the last! Never seen such poetic error message ever!

Corporate

Client: This works correctly, but I don’t like the code.

Me: What exactly do you not like?

Client: There are barely any lines of code. You need to add more to make it better.

I...I don’t know what to say.