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Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”
Me: “Yes, of course.”
Boss: “Great, thank you.”
Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”
Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”
Me: “Monday”.24 -
Stop f*cking calling me minority or part of a underrepresented group. Yeah I noticed I am one of the only women on a conference. I DONT CARE, I AM A PROGRAMMER NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. Hire me for my work, not because you want you company to be more diverse.60
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Me: <ranting about work at dinner>
Wife's Cousin: You need a new job. You should go back to school.
Me: lol And do what?
WC: You could be a... oh what's that called? It's like a... a computer engineer!
Me: <tilts head> You... mean a software engineer?
WC: No, it's called a computer engineer.
Me: <tilts head even more> What does a "computer engineer" do?
WC: They like, write programs and stuff.
Me: <ok now I look like a goddam owl but sideways or some shit> That... that's what I do.
WC: What? But you're not an engineer!
Me: My title is software engineer...
WC: Why's it called that? I thought you were just IT!
Me: If I told you I do full stack web dev, would you have any idea what I'm saying?
WC: No.
Me: Exactly.22 -
At first I was like: "wtf just happened? Why is that hand connected like it was a robot?".
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then I realised it's a watch.
12 -
Life hack: JetBrains IDE’s have a function that allows you to find duplicate code blocks for you to put into functions.
I just removed 1.5k lines from a spaghetti soup. I can rest well tonight.27 -
When someone's calls and completely loses his shit (swearing etc etc) because we HAVE TO FUCKING HELP HIM BECAUSE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE RELY ON THIS SITE WHICH IS DOWN.
Explained him calmly that its an unmanaged server which we literally don't have access to. Keeps on calling me all kinda things and then says he'll email some login details.
Bossman walks in, collegue goes like 'yo guess what just happened with linuxxx!'
Le me explains the story.
Bossman: email me his number. I'm going to call him. You treat my employees with fucking respect.15 -
Client: When I hit the “Subscribe” button, it gives me an error.
Me: What’s the error message?
Client: The email field is required.
Me: Have you entered your email before hitting the “Subscribe” button.
Client: Oh, I have enter my email address?
Me: Yes
English is a very complicated language.10 -
Me: *poking my girlfriend
Her: *the look of pure hatred in her eyes
Me: remember you can't break these fingers. These fingers are the reason we have money
Her: *groans* Yeah, you're right14 -
Started talking about Pi-Hole (still trying to install this fucker by the way) today with a collegue.
He had it installed and showed me around a little.
CW: Alright give me an example then I'll show you wildcard blocking.
Me: google.com 😅
CW: *enters and saves it. then tries to load anything related to google.com*
*no google.com domains load, all give a blocked error*
Me: Works great!
CW: Yup.
...
...
...
...
Me: Uhm so you aren't like surprised that I went with google.com as example and that I'd genuinely would block it?!
CW: No, why would I be?
Me: Well, most people consider me paranoid/crazy the second they find out I don't want to use google/google's services.
CW: well that's fucking retarded. why would anyone redicule you for not using something you don't want to use. You'll have your reasons.
Me: So if I'd say i do it for privacy reasons, you wouldn't find that redicilous?
CW: No, why would I? Not using google (and for that matter facebook etc) for privacy reasons is very logical really.
FUCKING. THANK. YOU.23 -
So this happened today.
Client: hey I sent this ticket, what's the status/have you located the issue?
Me: well, it says it quite obviously in the error message...? (i actually said that, toned down afterwards a little)
Client: where's the error message then?
Me: 5th line....? It's literally there in plain english?
Client: ok so what does it mean?
Me:..............? "marked as spam by the receiving server"?!
Client: yeah ok but what does that mean?
😐
Thing to keep in mind: they're a web dev/email solutions company.
😐😩12 -
*You can't make this shit up*
Recruiter: Hi, I saw your profile on LinkedIn and I think I have a great programmer opportunity for you today! Can you tell me a little bit about your experience?
Me: Sure, I mostly work with JavaScript and C# and have several years of experience in designing, developing, and deploying enterprise-level applications in production environments.
Recruiter: Hmm, um OK. Have you ever created programs using InDesign or Microsoft Word?
Me: Excuse me?
Recruiter: You know, anything like pamphlets or event brochures?
Me: Are you talking about physical paper programs such as those that accompany events/conferences?!
Recruiter: Yes! What else would I be taking about?
Me: I'm in the software development industry, so I thought you were talking about programming in that context.
Recruiter: Oh no! Those positions are for the men, sweety. I mean, I wouldn't expect any women to know that other techy stuff...
*Hangs up*44 -
Asking somebody who primarily works with software to reapir your printer is like calling a psychologist when you need surgery.13
-
Back in the days...
Parents: get off that computer it will get you nowhere in life!
Me:But im programming not playing games..I want to become a programmer...
Parents:programming or games it's all the same! Take an example of your sister who actually achieved something with her studies (she's a doctor)
Me today asa computer engineer...receiving paycheck higher than my sister who is a doctor and not to mention I got a car of the company and living very comfortably.
Parents can't believe it.
#rekt
Moral of the story: never let anyone tell you what to do. Keep doing what you truly love and get real good at it!😉14 -
"Opps.. I'm sorry, but you have insufficient rights to open this Ticket."
Well. You know what? I AM THE FUCKING SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR YOU CUNT!
YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT RIGHTS to restrict me access to that fucking ticket!
"Oh. In that case, go ahead."
THANK YOU. FUCKING PRICK.5 -
- Which operating system do you have? Windows?
- Nah, I have LibrOffice
- ...
If you weren't my sister I would have slapped you.11 -
Me - "Has anyone changed the password on the print computer"
Him - "It's the same one."
Me - "Carrots99?"
Him - "Yeah, what's the message that comes up?
Me - "Password is incorrect."
The dumbest conversation I've ever had in my fucking life. You little shit, I know you changed the password just to fuck with people. You've been reading too many books on elevating yourself, tried to be important for something. It means fuck all if you can't remember what you changed it to. So you held up two hours of my work, not to mention everyone else, because you can't help but stick your beak in shit. You dont think people can't see what youre doing? Watching you scurry over to the computer with a big smile, only a to fuck off silent as a mouse not to be seen mumbling some shit about a system administrator. Yeah you forgot it you prick.
Stop sucking up to the boss, and commanding people on what to do, when you're as junior as junior gets. Don't change our fucking passwords, just so you can have the whole team approach you the next day asking for you, then not remember them. You cunt.13 -
"Use whatever brace style you prefer.
But not this.
Don't do this.
Seek help instead of this."
From @UdellGames in twitter
21 -
And here we go again:
9:45pm, for all you idiots who've never learned the 24 hour format, and another fucking aspirant for an extra brutal ice pick lobotomy doesn't fear death enough to cease calling me on my private number after fucking work hours, because of some goddamn, inane, random fucking shit that could have waited until tomorrow.
Where the flying, cunting horse-fuck did you get my fucking number, you annoying knuckle-glazer?
I hope you get the same warm, fuzzy feeling that I just got when I put your number on my ignore list, when you call me because of a real emergency in the future. And even if your server is fucking burning, I don't give a fuck, because I've warned you twice before, but you keep thinking I'm your personal ball scratcher, eh?
FUCK YOU!31 -
Thank you GDPR, even though I am not an EU citizen, now I know what services have I provided my e-mail address.9
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Is devRant Just for rants?
I see such a Great community here that goes way beyond complaining about PMs and users (even though you're all right, usually). I've read comments about support for depression, Anxiety, people being supportive of woman and downvoting/commenting against the common sexism that we see on the internet every single day. We have fun, we all feel like friends even though we can remember only a few names and stumble uppon them once in a while. We mostly understand each other and it all feels like a huge family. It's a Great thing to help throughout all of the struggles I have daily in Life, and I bet many people here feel the same.
Thank you all so much for making devRant this Great community. Papa bless.13 -
So was first day at new job ... Boss takes me around meeting everyone. One employee stuck editing file by typing in new records data, calls boss for help.
Boss to me: "I like to get handsy with data from time to time. "
*me smiling, watch how he copies and paste the new records*
ME to boss:"why don't you just write the script to update all the records?"
Boss:"I don't trust the automation of input. "
Me:" what about human error?"
*crowd of other employees gather around awaiting answer*
Boss:"we include margin of errors in our disclaimer to the client... "
*He hears himself*
Boss:"... and we bill by the hour why would we work faster for less money?"
*me grinning, going to remember that line next time I need extension of deadline*
Me*murmurs*:" Master has presented dobby with a sock"
*Girl in next cubicle snickers clearly caught the reference "
Going to love it here.3 -
The university system is fucked.
I've been working in this industry for a few years now, but have been self taught for much longer. I'm only just starting college and I'm already angry.
What does a college degree really mean anymore? From some of the posts I've seen on devRant, it certainly doesn't ensure professional conduct, work ethic, or quality (shout out to the brave souls who deal with the lack of these daily). Companies should hire based on talent, not on a degree. Universities should focus more on real world applications or at least offer such programs for students interested in entering the workforce rather than research positions. A sizable chunk of universities' income (in the U.S. at least) comes from research and corporate sponsorships, and educating students is secondary to that. Nowadays education is treated as a business instead of a tool to create value in the world. That's what I signed up for, anyway - gaining the knowledge to create value in the world. And yet I along with many others feel so restricted, so bogged down with requirements, fees, shitty professors, and shitty university resources. There is so much knowledge out there that can be put to instant practical use - I am constantly shocked at the things left out of my college curriculum (lack of automated tests, version control, inadequate or inaccurate coverage of design patterns and philosophies) - things that are ABSOLUTELY essential to be successful in this career path.
It's wonderful that we eventually find the resources we need, or the motivation to develop essential skills, but it's sad that so many students in university lack proper direction through no fault of their own.
Fuck you, universities, for being so inflexible and consistently failing to serve your basic purpose - one of if not the most important purpose on this earth.
Fuck you, corporations, for hiring and paying based on degree. Fuck you, management, for being so ignorant about the industry you work in.
Fuck you, clients, who treat intelligent people like dirt, make unreasonable demands, pull some really shady shit, and perpetuate a damaging stereotype.
And fuck you to the developer who wrote my company's antipattern-filled, stringy-as-all hell codebase without comments. Just. Fuck you.16 -
I get depressed during times like this.
Me: *does a keyboard shortcut*
Friend: Woaw, are you good on computers?
Me: yea.
Friend: CAN YOU HACK?
Me: yea...
Friend: WHATS MY PASSWORD?
Me: I don't know your password.
Friend: You can't hack then.9 -
Advice from my neighbour:
" Don't use laptop so much, you know eyes are really soft, virus can easily enter to your brain through your eyes. If you take my advice it's good for you."
-_-9 -
! (rant)
Someone here said that you could get free stuff from Github if you're a student.
Thank you very much.
I got the Student Developer Pack - 2 year membership!10 -
Today I felt sorry for my boss.
Story behind it:
My boss always encourages me to do the right thing. One of those right things is to enforce quality gates in our build pipelines which, as many of you know, means that the build fails if certain quality parameters are not met. Now an external vendor team merged the code this past thursday for a large feature that they had been working on and our build failed majestically throwing out the statistics and the offending files and lines of code.
All hell broke loose and there were escalations and what not and people working extra hours and over the weekend to try and get it right. So, I get a call from my boss earlier today to explain to me how important it is to release the feature and how it's going to be very bad if we don't. He was trying to justify his ask which was to lower the quality criteria and let the build pass for this week. Of course the dev in me was furious but then I realized it's not him but the corporate culture. Why would he or anyone would risk losing their jobs over the quality of code?
If you work at a place where IT is a support function of the company's primary business, I understand the moral compromises you guys have to make sometimes to keep the ball rolling. Thank you for your effort to make the world a better place.
So, thank you boss for all your support. I know it's not always up to you to decide on things but keep up the good work.7 -
Well, this has been one hell of an awesome ride already. I’m at 70K+ and the biggest ranter as for reputation (those upvote thingies). Although I don’t care about being the biggest one currently, I do take pride in it but I’ll get back to that one later on. (I’ll very likely lose the first place at some point but oh well, couldn’t care less :))
I joined back in May last year through an article I found on https://fossbytes.com (thanks a bunch!), joined and was immediately addicted. The community was still very tiny back then and I’ve got to say that getting upvotes was also not the easiest :P. But, I finally found a place where I could rant out my dev related frustrations: awesomeness. I very much remember how, at first, reaching 1K was my biggest devRant dream and it seemed to be freaking impossible. Then I reached 1K and that was such a big achievement for me! Then the ‘dream’ (read these kind of dreams (upvotes ones) as things that would be awesome to reach not just for the upvotes but for participating, commenting, ranting, discussing and so on within the community, so as in, it shows your contribution) became 10K which seemed even more impossible. Then I reached 10K and 20K seemed freaking impossible but I got there a little faster and from that point on it’s been going fast as hell!
It’s always been a dream for me to become a very big but also ‘respected’ or especially well known user/person somewhere because that pretty much never happened and well, having dreams isn’t wrong, is it?
The biggest part of that dream, though, was that it would be a passion of mine that would get me there but except for Linux, the online privacy part was something I always deemed to be ‘just impossible’. This because irl I ALWAYS get (it’s getting less though) ridiculed for being so keen on my privacy and teaching others about it. People find me very paranoid right away but the thing is that if they ask me to explain and I actually present evidence for my claims, it’s waved away as if it’s nothing. (think mass surveillance, prism, encrypted services, data breaches and so on)
I never thought I’d find any other people who would have the same views as I do but fucking hell, I found them within this community!
Especially the fact that I’ve grown this much because of my passion is something I am proud of. It’s also awesome to see that I’m not the only one who thinks like this and that I’ve actually find some of you on here :)
So yeah, thanks to everyone who got me where I am now!
Also a big thanks to sir Dfox and Trogus for putting your free time into making this place happen.
Love you peoples <3 and to anyone ‘close’ on here I forgot, if you match any of the comments as for privacy/friendliness etc, don’t worry, those nice things also apply to you! My memory just sucks :/
P.S. Please do NOT comment before I comment that I’m done with commenting because I’ve got a lot of comments coming :D68 -
So we where given a project with a deadline already set behind our backs and we have to give our deadline despite not knowing wtf we have to do exactly ...
They asked us to don't ask too much time because the budget can't afford too much time...
I'm here thinking: WTF?!
THEY PASSED A FUCKING DEADLINE AND PRICES TO THE FUCKING CLIENT WITHOUT ASKING ANY! ANY MOTHERFUCKING DEV ABOUT IT!!!
We asked them so many fucking questions on the first meeting that they were fucking baffled about everything but kept playing cool like "well, this project is already set and we are gonna have to deal with it"
Bunch of motherfucking stupid cock suckers , go die agonizing on your own vomit and if ask my help I'm gonna answer "well, you gonna have to deal with it because you are already fucked"2 -
Hello, guys.
I'm here is new. I'm from Russia. Sorry for my English, but i will learn his and talk you all about think.51 -
When the Sales team fucks up something, they point finger at each other for the blame.
When the Dev Team fucks up something, as a Senior Developer I say to my Boss that we fucked it up no matter whose fault it is and we will fix it up by x time.
When the SysAdmin team fucks. The Dev Team is to blame.
Sorry guys, I got a bit frustrated. All our servers wasn't backed up from last week and the SysAdmin guys are saying it's our fault.
What the fuck is going on? fuck you fuck fuck fuck fuck...12 -
In IT-Class:
Random: Ey watcha doin?
Me: Programming. What else?
Random: Oh, you're such a nerd...
Me: Programming is fun! I really like it.
Random: Please don't say this is your hobby...
Me: It is.
Random: Bruuh... *goes away*
Why the fuck are you here, if you're not interested in programming???
I don't understand such people.15 -
> in da zone, headphones beating, caffeine rushing through my veins, snack-stack at 75%, code and commands flowing like campaign promises, I'm one with the keyboard... I can feel it ~(◉_◉)~
roomie: Hey J! J!
me: ಠ_ಠ I'm kinda busy, what do you want?
roomie: Dude don't forget to pick up bla bla bla
me: Okay
> Headphones back on, feeling the h4ckx0r fire resurge through my gut like a majestic phoenix (not to be confused with taco tuesday gut fire)
roomie: J...J! dude also make sure bla bla bla
me: ಠ╭╮ಠ I know, you don't need to be so specific with me.
> Headphones on...about to hit play again...
roomie: Dude do you happen to know bla bla bla
(ಥ﹏ಥ)
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
FUCK! just tell me everything at once so I can go back to ignoring you and the irrelevant world around me!
I hate when people do this.10 -
Aaaah..!
Why do you even want a fucking smartphone when you don't know how to use it, even after year long explanation of how simple things work.
Every fucking time you have to ask me about EVERY notification of an app. I even need to update your apps because you can't remember (or, you know, just fucking try) how to do it.
Everytime some self-explaining message pops up like WhatsApps update notification, because you never update it until it even tolds you itself that it's too old, I have to explain you how to tap on the big fat green "Download Update" button.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT WHAT I HAVE ALTHOUGH YOU AREN'T OPEN TO LEARN ANYTHING?!
When I got my first cheap smartphone for development, you bought one via ebay because you couldn't stand me having something you don't have.
You never learned how to check your mails, use the browser or anything else on it.
When I got another one because my old one died after years, you were constantly telling me how you "always wanted a galaxy".
When I bought my new smartphone last year, you wanted my old one so badly, I got sick of it and gave it to you, just for you to not give a fuck to finally learn how to use a phone.
Now you are telling me you want a better phone someday.
WHY
WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU?
DON'T YOU SEE HOW FUCKING STUPID YOU ARE?
WHY DO YOU WANT A NEWER, BETTER PHONE WHEN YOU WEREN'T EVEN WILLING TO LEARN THE MOST BASIC THINGS ON YOUR PREVIOUS TWO?14 -
You is not gonna beliebers what just happened lol
So a couple weeks ago I earned a stress ball (300+ ++'s) I sent an email about it but never got a reply, so I decided to just forget about it. But then I just ranted (lastnight) about how its so hard to get a stressball. So I basically just said "fuck it i'll buy one". Then some dude comes along and is like "omg not until he shows us the bought one" so I'm like CHALLENGE ACCEPTED and buy one...
Then I get an email confirmation from devrant store confirming my order for the bought stressball. And I notive that my spam folder has unread messages in it. i look inside the spam folder and what do I see?...
I see dfox replying to my free stressball request weeks ago lol. So yay, now I gets the 3 balls (or two - depending) lol omg, so many balls.
20 -
Okay so about a year ago these FUKKING IDIOTS decides, against my recommendation, to do this quick-ugly-hack and ninja it into production.
I tell them its a FUCKING BAD idea that will blow up in a year or so...
But no, just go go go!!!!!!!
Now a year later, shit blew up badly. A total FUCKING derail. These new idiots asks me to "fix the problem", the same fucking problem I predicted and warned them about a year ago. So now i have to clean up their ducking mess because "Nobody else knows how to fix it".
What the FUCKING HELL do we pay them fuckkkers to do?!!
New idiots you ask? Yep, because 3 out of the 4 original fucktards already left the place in order to go and make some other new collegues lives fucking miserable.
FUCK YOU FUCKING MOOTHERFUUUKKKEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2 -
The Dropbox 'developers' are such a bunch of lazy cock knockers, it's not even funny any more, just embarassing and annoying.
For at least(!) three motherfucking years now, Dropbox doesn't add the tray icon when you install it on Linux Mint XCFE.
For motherfuck's sake, those degenerated fucktards are employing Guido van Rossum as a software engineer, a guy who I have to admit, even though I hate his fucking guts, is fucking ingenious. So why the FUCK aren't they able to make sure the freaking service is started correctly.
I wouldn't even use this crap software if I didn't need it for a particular client who hasn't quite reached the 21st century, yet, but every few months I have to install Dropbox you manage to piss me off again.
IT'S ONE GODDAMN LINE OF CODE, YOU NEGLECTED CHILDREN OF WITS! FINALLY FUCKING CHANGE IT, I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF FUCKING DOING IT MYSELF EVERY TIME, YOU COLLECTIVE OF UTTER DIMWITS!
FUCK!21 -
FOR GOD'S FUCKING SAKE! IF YOU OPEN SOURCE YOUR LIBRARY AT LEAST REPLY TO THE ISSUES IF YOU CAN'T PROVIDE A DECENT WORKING SAMPLE!!!!5
-
Facepalm: when 3/3 sys admins ask me today, "Why do you have that garbage chrome installed on your computer? You should be using IE or Edge"22
-
My god people = shit...
“The *insert website here* isn’t working, I need you to fix it”
- Everything’s good on our end, it’s their end that needs to be checked.
“Why can’t you fix it...!?”
Oh... I don’t know, perhaps it’s because I don’t fucking work for them you cock munch!!
I don’t get paid enough to deal with stupid fucking people. Where the FUCK is your common sense?
I work for “X”, THAT means that if something is wrong with “Y”, I have NO control over it you cock breath having fuck stain.
That’s like ordering tacos from McDonald’s and getting pissed off because they look at your like your mother should have swollowed... NO SHIT!6 -
Spent 6 days, trying to get a navbar to stick in my iOS webapp while scrolling, no way to get it done.
This morning I installed iOS update 11.3, problem solved without changing a single line of CSS...
FUCK YOU APPLE6 -
Believe it or not, this community has helped me overcome my impostor syndrome.
It's such an enormous relief whenever I open the app and read the rants, and I can actually relate to or understand many of them. It restores not only my confidence in my knowledge and skills, but also my motivation to learn and grow. It gives me strength to push forward instead of giving up on this path.
Thank you DevRant, rant on you awesome fuckers! :)4 -
I love devRant. But the people constantly saying "Python is shit" OR "Windows is for idiots" OR "Never use C it's ancient" OR "Microsoft sucks" OR any other fucking subjective opinion that's absolutely worthless drive me crazy.
I see many people here asking "Should I do [option1] or [option2]?" And the only responses are "[option3 which is not a fucking option you degraded fuck who thinks his/her opinions somehow matter in this discussion while they are clearly NOT helping]"
Sorry but this place has "Rant" in it's name so I thought this would be appropriate.23 -
fucking mashable. I hate it so much. did you see their story today? they're supposed to be about "tech" BUT THEY TALKED ABOUT WHAT THE COLOR OF YOUR FUCKING IPHONE SAYS ABOUT YOU. THEN THEY TALKED ABOUT A CASE. YOU FUCKING DUMBASS, THATS AN ANDROID CASE NOT AN IPHONE CASE. CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY THE FUCK THESE PEOPLE ARE EMPLOYED? 99% OF THE PEOPLE ON DEVRANT COULD DO A 100% BETTER JOB. AMERICA AND OTHER COUNTRIES ARE ALL NOW STUPIDER BY LOOKING AT YOUR CONTENT. FUCK YOU MASHABLE🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
19 -
One can measure how well you are doing right now just by counting the number of open StackOverflow tabs.4
-
README.md file on some random GitHub repository
"A Python program written in Python which does xyz task"
Ok you don't say2 -
TL;DR I am here for human interaction and networking with like minded people.
I don't care whether you are male or a female.
I don't care whether you are from Europe, America or Asia.
I don't care whether you are developer, sysadmin, tester or from any other profession.
I don't care whether you have high vote counts or are a newbie here.
All I care about is how you treat me (and/or other users) and how well do you interact.
If you interact on regular basis, boy I am subscribing to you.
I love talking to people and sharing same thoughts as well as listening to different opinions as that helps me broaden my perspectives.
Many times I am wrong, sometimes I am right but that's the fun of it.
I get to explore different cultures through you people while sitting behind a screen at home.
I just love knowing other people's story. And it makes me realise that everyone is going through something in life which can be worse than what I am going through.
I love connecting on an emotional level and having in depth conversations.
If you think the same, hit up a conversation and share something about yourself. I am glad to meet you all :)26 -
This community really motivates me to master my skills and learn new stuff to become a great dev. Thank you!4
-
Just received my blood test reports.
It says, I am low on Vitamins which is causing fatigue and other issues.
Let me Google the causes, symptoms and treatments.
*Googles*
Well, now I am non-treatable permanent heart damaging Pernicious anemia.
Thank you Google. Thank you Web MD.49 -
Just spoke with a guy who considers himself a PC expert.
He: You can always recover your offline data from your PC, even if you burn it.
Me: You just need to remove your hard drive.
He: Even if you remove your hard disk, offline data can be recovered from from RAM memory.
Me: WTF?? * Trying to explain him that RAM is a volatile memory*
He: Yeah but you can recover it from the BIOS.
Me: r u serius right now??
And I can continue, because we've unfortunately talked for about an hour.
Why these people consider themselves experts and why the fuck do they have to teach you things that the don't know. FML6 -
(Meeting with Client)
Client: The script you sent us is broken... It can't run... We can't test now. (Their supervisor even insinuated that I did that on purpose :/ What?!)
Asked for logs, googled for solutions. Moments later.
Client: Oh it's our server's problem.
:/1 -
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? VISUAL STUDIO STOPPED RESPONDING AND THEN BLUE SCREENED ME!!!? AND NOW THIS?!?!!?
HXJEIDHFHISJSHDIFHEIDH
32 -
tl;dr: thanks! :)
I just love this community.
The idea of devRant is great. The emotions, the shared knowledge in each post. Never seen such densely packed quality content in a social media! :D
I enjoy spending my time here, though I do not post that much. Reading just about the life of @linuxxx, @gitpush @alexDeLarge (to name a few) share with us is just wonderful, it makes me happy! :)
I think this post is meant as a thank you, I guess? Just felt like it... hope you guys don't mind having read a non-dev related post.^^'
btw:
@dfox and @trogus, you guys are awesome as fuck!5 -
What's with the 4 pixel wide scrollbars on some desktop software these days? Does nobody care about accessibility anymore?
No seriously.
Fuck you.
And why the fuck does open source software seem to be the main culprit - as usual.
And tutorials telling us to add an extra blank line to our source code because fucking Linux distros decide to put an overlay horizontal scrollbar just over the top of where the last visible line in an editor appears.11 -
Dear Developers,
A. Please put your fucking functions in files with names related to the purpose of the functions.
B. Don't define your database management methods in your goddamn configuration file.
C. In addition, fucking document your shit at the top of the file if you refuse to abide by request A.
Someone is going to maintain or modify this code after you, and that person will have a hell of a time with it.4 -
*An actual conversation for desktop support*
Me: Picks up phone call from user
User: Hi there, it seems I can login with my most recent password, can you help?
Me: Okay no problem, I'll just need to reset your password
User: *sigh* really? Another password I'll need to remember?
What I really want to say to users who give me this reaction:
Are you fucking shitting me? Do you know how many passwords I need to remember on a fucking whim for my job? Hundreds! Yea keep fucking complaining that it's going to be *SO* hard to remember your 3 fucking passwords in life.
Jesus fucking Christ, the shit I hear that people complain about.16 -
!Rant
After only using linux (Linux Mint) for a week I have to say I absolutely fucking love it. 😍 One big thank you to everyone who has contributed to it, I don't think I will ever change to another operating system again (I will change distros of course).
Open source, wohooo!
I am in love with vim as well. :)
Also one big thank you to the devRant community and all the nice people I have met here :)16 -
I am now a Cloud Hosting (Windows and Linux) Reseller. I kinda feel like giving away some free accounts to the devRant community. But it can't give away too many accounts, so I probably won't because I don't want to exclude anybody. 😭
25 -
Thank you to everyone that is helping out with devCredits!
I honestly didn't expect people to bother contributing.. but apperently I was wrong.
For the people already working on it, check the readme file for a Todo list if you want something to do.
And for the people that want to help or just saw that this is a thing right now, check out my recent collab for info.
Collab link: https://devrant.com/collabs/...
-
When you are so angry about something you slam your fist on the keyboard, break the Enter and surrounding keys, rush to the closest shop that sells keyboards, fail to buy one because they're all too shit, come home and end up fixing your keyboard, then get even more pissed off because you had already gotten excited about that new keyboard, and end up writing shitty comments for shit you haven't even finished yet because you're too pissed off BECAHSE EVERY FUCKING THING IN THIS WORLD IS FUCKING BROKEN AND SHIT. AND NOW I HAVE A MIGRAINE AND MY LEG IS ITCHY FOR SOME STUPID FUCKING REASON!
17 -
Good Windows reseller hosting plans are hard to find. These guys want to charge me $20 per year just for an extra 1gb of webspace.
Get fucked.
25 -
what the last windows update did to me:
- BROKE the fucking SPEAKERS so i have NO SOUND even WITH HEADPHONES. the only pair that work is a bluetooth one that i used before
- RESET ALL OF MY BIOS SETTINGS. this includes intel haxm so now the FUCKING AVD WON'T WORK.
- BROKE my FINGERPRINT SENSOR, so now i cant use the side of my pinky to login.
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT.
GO SUCK BILL GATES'S COCK.
DIE IN A HOLE.12 -
I raise my middle finger:
- to the past developers of this 4 year old piece of garbage project that we are maintaining, who thought that using StringBuffers to construct html documents as a Http response as a good idea
- to the bosses and managers, who keeps on giving unreasonable deadlines yet passes accountability to others.
I gave you all a Linus Torvalds style fuck you!!
That is it, I decided to resign -
A few months ago I was working on a (totally underpaid project) where my friend and I had to basically rewrite the entire program our client was using.
So we started planning and wrote all sorts of documentation to show the client our ideas for the new flow of the program, the new structure of the GUI and a few more details of what would the inner workings of the new app. He seemed to like all those ideas and gave us the green light to go through with the project and start coding.
We spent a couple of months coding, redoing the front end from scratch (with a different framework even, so I couldn't reuse any code from the old version) and completely redesigning the back end so it would be better, faster, more scalable etc etc etc. During this process, we obviously showed the progress of the app to our client, explaining everything we had been doing, and he seemed to like every new version we showed him.
When we were in one of the last stages in development (basically sending versions of the app to the client for evaluation), the guy suddenly changed his mind. After agreeing on everything we had been showing him over the last months, he sent an email saying:
"...the new system makes the app too complicated. I want this program to be as simple to use as possible; so we should revert the "Policy" system to essentially what it was in the last major version. The only change I want to make is [...] and everything else is essentially the same as the last Policy system."
So basically he wanted us to FUCKING UNDO EVERYTHING WE HAD DONE AND REVERT THE FUCKING PROGRAM TO THE FUCKING VERSION HE HAD BEFORE HIRING US!!!! WHAT THE FUCK????
YOU WANTED US TO CHANGE YOUR APP AND THEN YOU SUDDENLY CHANGE YOUR MIND AFTER 3 FUCKING MONTHS WHEN THE PROCESS IS DONE???
GO FIND A SWORDFISH TO FUCK YOU IN THE ASS, IM NOT WORKING FOR YOU ANYMORE
God, it feels good to let that out.5 -
Fuck you, you motherfucking fuck. How DARE you have the capacity to sell fake fucking chips on Amazon and make me fucking waste hours of my god damn fucking nights trying to program your shitty, lazy-ass implementation of an EEPROM.
I followed the datasheet specs down to the fucking microsecond just to find that nothing would write to the chip, and then spent hours of my goddamn life trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, making myself feel like a fucking failure for not being able to write 1s and 0s to a few pins. Fuck you, fuck you with a giant horse cock with needles on the tip13 -
I don't get it, really...
A web agency in my city published an ad on a jobs listing website; they search a php programmer who knows about magento. On their website, in the "contact us" page, they say that they are looking for:
- a graphic designer
- junior php dev
- magento dev
I sent my cv; they call me back for an interview.
This morning i went there for the interview; when the interview ended the guy just said to me "well, we don't have any open position at this moment. We make interviews from time to time, just in case in the future we may need help".
Ok. Now 2 things come to my mind:
1- i need a job now; if 3 months from now you call me cause you REALLY need a php dev, i will probably (hopefully) already have another job
2- FFS i lost 2 hours for you: 50 minutes of traffic going, 20 minutes interview and another 50 minutes of traffic going back home...
Just why?7 -
> be me
> be fooled into a company that says they do agile, tests and best practiced
> theyreallydont.jpg
> read issue "The last name is not showing on X and Y screen".
> www.fixed.it
> they ask why isnt it also fixed on screen A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
> ...
fuck you9 -
I just hate it when clients with no knowledge of developing says I'm looking for "more professional"
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
Somebody did that with dedication and you can't just call it that!!
SCREW YOU!!!
😡😡😡😡😡15 -
A minute of middle-fingered-silence to those fuckers who buy expensive high end machines and play finch stupid video games like counter strike and all and fucking don't let their roommate sleep!!!!
Fuck you roommate!!
Fuck steam.19 -
WTF is wrong with skype mobile app ?
Microsoft touches his hand and it became shit. One of my favorite app got spoiled and turned very horrible.
Fuck you Microsoft, Fuck You !27 -
Fuck you you fucking fuck, why would you change an api without any notification?
Background: built an app for a customer, it needs to fetch data frlman external api, and save it to a db.
Customer called: it's broken what did you do?!?
Me: I'll look into it.
Turned out the third party just changed their api... Guess I should implenent some kind of notification, if no messages come in for some time...5 -
I've just seen a WordPress inside another WordPress.
- Why was it made like this?
- If it works, you should not touch it.
- Ok. :/9 -
With this post I want to say thank you to all my fans (friends) just kidding I don't have any fans ... or friends
Well ... What I actually wanted to say is that I want to thank @EvilArcher and @naktop3031 for ++ing my things all day because they decided to push me to the 10k mark
HOLY MOLY THANK YOU AGAIN!
If this isn't a record I don't know what is
I'd also like to thank @dfox and @trogus for developing this awesome app
And every single person that ever ++ed something by me, THANK YOU
It's been an awesome journey for me since I joined devRant in October, I got to know lots of funny and great people here :D15 -
Client (monday): What does it take this long? I have sent you everything!
Last email from him with content: Friday, 18:12
Would you kindly go and fuck yourself. Please.1 -
Client: Hey can you get rid of the dark overlay on the image?
Me: It would make the white text unreadable on the images you use so it would not be advised
Day passes
Client: (literally resends the email even though he saw mine) Hey can you get rid of the dark overlay on the image?
Me: (changes it and tell my colleague he's 100% going to ask to change it back) changed it
Client: I made a mistake can you change it back
Me: To colleague, told ya 😂😂😂 🤓🤓4 -
Good morning guys,
Have a nice day with your task today.
Let's smile and be positive you will feel better and more productive ^^
"You Can Do It!"7 -
(Best read while listening to AEnima by Tool, loudly)
Dear Current Workplace,
Fuck you, for the reasons enumerated below.
Fuck your enterprise grey blue offices, the stifling warm air of a hundreds of bodies and sub par "development laptops".
Fuck your shitty carbonated water machines which were a cost saving measure over decent drinkable water.
Fuck your fake "flexi time", "you can do home office whenever you want" bullshit. You're still inviting me to mandatory meetings at 09:00 regularly.
Fuck your shitty, in house, third part IT provider sister company. They're the worst of all worlds. If it was in company, we'd get to give out to them, if it was an external company we'd fire them. And yes, when I quit I will quote the dumpster fire that is our corporate VPN as a major factor.
Fuck your cheery, bland, enterprise communication. Words coming under the corporate letterhead seem to lose all association with meaning. Agile, communication, open are things you write and profess to respect, but it seems your totally lack understanding of their meaning.
Fuck your client driven development. Sometime you actually have to fix the foundations before you can actually add new features. And fuck you management who keep on asking "why are there so many bugs and why is it always taking longer to deliver new releases". Because of you, you fucknuts, Because you can't say "NO" to the customer. Because you never listen to your own experienced developers.
Fuck your bullshit "code quality is important to us" line. If it's so important, then let us fix the heap of shit you're selling so that it works like a quasi functional program.
Fuck you development environment which has 250 projects in a single VS solution. Which takes 5mins plus to compile on a quad core i7 with 32 gb of ram.
Fuck this bullshit ball of mud "architecture". I spend most of my time trying to figure out where the logic should go and the rest of the time writing converters between different components. All because 7 years ago some idiot "architect" made a decision that they didn't have to live with.
Actually, fuck that guy in particular. Yeah, that guy who was the responsible architect for the project for 4 years and not once opened the solution to look a the code.
Fuck the manual testing of every business process. Manual setup of the entities takes 10mins plus and then when you run, boom either no message or some bullshit error code.
Fuck the antiquated technology choices which cause loads of bugs and slow down development. Fuck you for forcing me to do manual tests of another developers code at 20:00 on a Friday night because we can't get our act together to do this automatically.
Fuck you for making sure it's very clear I'm never going to be anything but a code monkey in this structure. Managers are brought in from outside.
Fuck you for being surprised that it's hard to hire competent developers in this second rate, overpriced town. It's hard to hire anywhere but this bland shithole would have anyone with half a clue running away at top speed.
Fuck you for valuing long hours and loyalty over actual performance. That one guy who everyone hated and was totally incompetent couldn't even get himself fired. He had to quit.
Fuck you for your mediocrity.
Fuck you for being the only employer for my skill-set in the region; paying just well enough that changing jobs locally doesn't make sense, but badly enough that it's difficult to move.
Fuck you for being the stable "safe" option so that any move is "risky".
Fuck your mediocrity.
Fuck you for being something I think about when I'm not at work. Not only is it shit from 9 to 5 you manage to suck the joy out of everything else in my life as well?
Fuck you for making me feel like a worse developer every day I work here. Fuck you for making every day feel like a personal and professional failure. Fuck you for making me seriously leave a career I love for something, anything else.
Fuck you for making the most I can hope for when I get up in the morning is to just make it until the night.5 -
typos are ok if you can still understand what one is trying to say.
if your typos interfere with understanding, THEN FUCKING CORRECT THEM.
I'M TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TELL IF YO MEANT "…" OR "." WHEN YOU TYPE ".."
DID YOU FUCKING PRESS IT TWICE BY ACCIDENT OR DID YOU MEAN TO TYPE THREE PERIODS?
FUCK YOUUUUUU5 -
Psst, tech world, fuck you and your so called April fucking Fools jokes. They are anticipated, way too obvious and are not even remotely funny.10
-
Me: can you add x to y?
Dev: sure mate, done tomorrow
Me: kay thx
Next day:
Dev: ok I added x to z! There you go
Me: infinite facepalm4 -
Stop sending passwords in plain text via email. Just stop already. If you don't know how to implement a secure alternative, hire a fucking consultancy to assist you.
Fuck. The next time I purchase from you and I get my password in plain text anywhere, I'm immediately demanding a refund and taking my money elsewhere.
Just fucking stop.16 -
I've downloaded this app 3 days ago and I am 100+! Thank you all for being a honestly great community :D <3
Waiting for my stickers to arrive, excitedly1 -
Wtf windows I leave my computer for 30 fucking minutes and you just initiate an update. No confirmation box that I want to shut down my entire computer for an hour. Fuck you windows
19 -
Sitting in my backyard, trying to mentally troubleshoot some coding issues in the fresh air, and I hear my neighbor say, "...she was picking her bum before..."
Back inside I go.2 -
Everyday, I am amazed at developers like those here on devRant. I look up at you in awe and admiration, always thinking about how awesome your life probably is, even though you rant about it sometimes. I want to be like many of you in the future.
Thank you for improving our lives with whatever you are doing. I feel like this doesn't get said enough.
Meanwhile, University sucks (failed exams), but I am expected to graduate with good grades. Sigh. I also feel like I'm not learning enough of those things that I need to become a good dev and rather overly complicated math which I'll never need in my later life.27 -
Fuck you devRant, for making me so damn addicted to you.
You're like that hip new designer drug that all the new cool students must try at least once. Then you keep giving us more freebies occasionally to stay hooked for eternity.
I hate you. I mean love you.
EndRant3 -
!rant
I am so proud of my dad :D Last weekend I went to Minecon and spent most of my time with other modders. When I posted on FB a friend replied "I didn't see you", to which I said "I was with the modders". My dad then replied what are modders. It was late at night so I didn't get to respond and forgot about it.
This morning when I talked to him he said he looked on the online dictionary and found the definition by himself. That made me really proud, considering he is not computer savy and always relied on me to answer IT questions 😍 -
school is TERRIBLY designed.
why the FUCK are our grades dependent on EFFORT and NOT KNOWLEDGE.
im sick and tired of kids who scribble on homework and fail tests but still get a's, while i ace tests but dont do any homework.
how long ago was it that school was about LEARNING. to gain knowledge. kids who dont SHOULD NOT GET GOOD GRADES.
fuck you🖕20 -
Not sure why everyone gets all mad about cookies. The sites just think you're Santa! This is what you get when you're a privacy advocate!
~theNSA5 -
!Rant
Fuckkkkkkkk youuuuuuuu CLIENT :/
Client asked why two weeks for refactoring.?? When you already know the functionality and he gave us two days.
After two days we successfully renamed everything!!! 😣5 -
If you don't feel good enough with your programming skills, keep practicing but don't be sad, there are dogs all around the world that love you
3 -
Fuck you Windows 10 and your fucking mandatory updates that fuckes up every fucking time! Fuck you and your fucking inability to update beyond 71 fucking percent! This is the last fucking time you waste my time, your fucking out! Fuck you!!!12
-
The power of saying fuck you to apple to become a supporter when you have both android and iPhone.
5 -
!rant but emotional
Work is significantly less terrible than it could be because I have the best teammates and i can come rant here and be understood. My non tech friends just ask why I don't quit if I "complain" so much. My dev and tech friends are all together at another company and have releases every week they're working on. I appreciate you all and am happy I found this community. 💚1 -
We are sorry, that You are experiencing issues with our application, please describe your problem with details in a letter and send it STRAIGHT IN YOUR ASSHOLE. WTF everybody gone in vacation and I need to respond to all that shit?
-
*Sorry, the password must have only 8 characters and must include a letter, number and a special character*
Fuck you!3 -
Ever take a computer ethics class? It was probably shit, so you should ignore it. Instead, read my rants! The next few will cover various computing topics which I consider ethical issues, but most people unfortunately don't.
First topic: don't write rude software.
What is rude software? It's software that performs side effects without permission, usually in the form of spewing files all over your system. This and other unrequested side effects are immoral - they deprive the user of control over their system.
Software should inform users what sorts of side effects it's going to have beforehand, and provide options to disable them if feasible. Users shouldn't have to read the entire manual to figure this out either.
Why does this matter? A few specific examples:
- Running software in restricted / sandboxed environments where side effects have to be carefully controlled.
- Undoing the result of running the program (e.g., uninstall something).
- If a user needs the software to work every time, they need to know what all of the side effects are to prevent spurious failures due to changing environments.
- Some side effects can be inherently unwanted, like spyware or telemetry.
Keep this in mind when writing your software. Users' machines are not your personal sandbox in which you can just fuck around.
Imagine if the cable company, as part of installing cable in your home, left their paperwork and tools strewn about your bedroom, and also refuse to install your cable if you don't let them do this. You'd think it rude, right? This is the state of modern software.
The specific incident today which got me huffy enough to write this rant:
Openssh tries to create .ssh in your home directory without asking, and it's impossible to know how to prevent this without reading the source code. In addition, no options are available for changing the location of this directory. In fact it goes out of its way to prevent users from instructing it to put the directory elsewhere (setting $HOME to somewhere else). It assumes that modifying the user's home directory is always okay.7 -
My evening routine:
*puts down the laptop near the bed
*puts a glass of water near the laptop
*thinks about “fuck you idiot, you gonna rekt your laptop some day”
*goes to sleep
So tonight it finally happened... global game jam in 2 days and i don’t have a fucking laptop
Im so mad at myself rigt now
17 -
Developer of said repo notices the influx of activity, but then just updates the readme by saying there are bugs, not fixing.
Bro I just gave you a PR. Take the fucking PR and that will fix the bugs. -
On the next episode of "when life gives you lemons" we will teach you how to enter a USB correctly on the first go. Yes, you heard me, after 7 years of research, and 2 years of not research, we did it!4
-
met a client yesterday to discuss about the coming task. After discussion, we agreed that I will develop the API for the system in one month. I did the planning and posted the upcoming tasks in Trello. Today, he told me some of the tasks have been done by his staff and asked me if I can continue the remaining tasks and get it done in one week. Hey, bro, what you want!? it is not what we agreed! do you think i can understand the code that your staff wrote, with poor documentation and structure, in few hours and immediately start working on it, yet deliver everything with high quality? come on...5
-
You know it's been a hard day when the compiler finishes without errors and you assume it malfunctioned.
-
Sorry mate 😉 can't get away with saying you use Dreamweaver and not expect some evil banter 😈 I mean it's nearly as bad as saying java is javascript
20 -
I don't like peoples who force a windows users switch to Linux. It's their FUCKING CHOICE. Let them whatever they like to use it. Forcing people to use something is JUST STUPID and I see them as MORONS.
You are the reason behind not taking self decision making.
FUCK YOU MORONS. FUCK YOU
STRONG OPINIONS.7 -
Dear Client,
You said it was of paramount importance that this software work flawlessly. I've worked hard to make it so, even when your indecision and lack of attention to detail indicate you don't care as much as you say and have made the project late.
Yesterday when I handed you a step-by-step user acceptance test plan, you delegated it to someone not as familiar with your specific requirements. You said you don't have time for such things.
I will remind you of those words when the project launches and you find something you dislike.
Sincerely,
Me -
FUCK YOU MS SQL!
DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT MAKING ME WRITE 60 FUCKING COLUMN NAMES BY HAND WILL STOP ME FROM COPYING AN ID?
Yeah it actually will but fuck you. I want to merge data and you make this work a pain in the ass.
Bunch of cunts.11 -
!rant
Going to the gym really helps with concentration and may give you time to focus on things that are unresolved on your codebase.
It will also make you sexy as hell. Being sexy as all hell is good and gold.
Remember that11 -
PM emails me a zip file with the message "Can you give the attached a look and get it to work. See email below that there are some items missing to make it run."
Items missing : 3 custom libraries, 2 sql databases, 3 custom sql tables, and oh yeah the license to the program it runs on.1 -
Fuck you Intel.
Fucking admit that you're Hardware has a problem!
"Intel and other technology companies have been made aware of new security research describing software analysis methods that, when used for malicious purposes, have the potential to improperly gather sensitive data from computing devices that are operating as designed. Intel believes these exploits do not have the potential to corrupt, modify or delete data"
With Meltdown one process can fucking read everything that is in memory. Every password and every other sensible bit. Of course you can't change sensible data directly. You have to use the sensible data you gathered... Big fucking difference you dumb shits.
Meltown occurs because of hardware implemented speculative execution.
The solution is to fucking separate kernel- and user-adress space.
And you're saying that your hardware works how it should.
Shame on you.
I'm not saying that I don't tolerate mistakes like this. Shit happens.
But not having the balls to admit that it is because of the hardware makes me fucking angry.6 -
Big IT consulting company ask us (small web agency) to develop the "html" code for a web app for their client. (They'll want the front-end to implement it in Cordova or other shit tools they use).
I had to use some "includes" in php, for header and footer, because for 50 pages it'll be tedious to edit a thing (the design is not definitive yet) without open all the .html files individually and replicate the edits in all the pages.
We've delivered the package containing all the pages and a "inc" folder for the header and the footer. The pages have the extension *.php
Their pm ask us why we didn't do it in html, since they expected that.
What the fuck is wrong with you?6 -
Now the following might shock you, read on with caution.
FUCK YOU DEVRANT.
I was writing a beautiful comment, i wrote an eassay you do not find anywhere else, i was about to spread more wisdom than the fucken bible.
Decided to search some stuff to put in some references, change back to devrant anD THE FUCKING APP RESTARTED LIKE IT'S NORMAL TO DO SO. RANT GONE, COMMENT GONE, WILL TO LIVE GONE.
THANKS FOR FUCKING NOTHING.
but in all honesty, who cares. Not a big deal.10 -
When someone tells you how to do a job but they cant even get to your basic level to even begin with
2 -
I FUCKING HATE THE INSTAGRAM ALGORITHM FOR SUGGESTED POSTS TO EXPLORE.
You piece of shit; I have NEVER EVER looked at pictures of nature, but I get a shit load of suggested pictures of nature. Can't forget the time they spammed it with memes in a random language I can't read.
OH. AND LETS NOT FORGET YOUR TIMELINE ALGO. IT'S JUST AS SHITTY.
"Hmm. Let him see a picture posted a few minutes ago or one from a week ago? Fuck it, a week ago it is!"7 -
Hey DevRant,
Today I bring bad news. My little coding companion (little degu) in one of my past posts has done something to its back leg/paw whilst taking a fall off my brother's leg. My younger brother wasn't careful enough and the goo was unlucky enough to land on the floor injured. My feelings towards my brother and what he has done are still something I'm not sure about.
We took the goo to the vet as the goo was in severe pain. The vet gave the goo some morphine for the pain. It stopped looking stressed after a while and then it was completely chill. I was just so glad (and still am) that it's not feeling the excruciating pain it felt before. Because we don't have insurance, the price for the emergency consultation alone was quite high, but at this point I really didn't care about money...
The goo is spending the night at the vets where it will be free of pain and in the morning, the vets will x-ray the goo and see weather it can be mended. If it will not be able to be mended, the goo will have to be put down. But even during the x-ray or surgery process, the goo can die. Small animals and goos are at a higher rate of dying under anesthesia than other animals simply because you cannot feed them tubes. I just really really hope this will be okay.
Thank you for listening,
C3ypt1c14 -
Ugggg!
I am about fed up with Windows.
I leave app/programs open at night because I have a bad memory, and they were important to what I was doing.
I wake up: Windows Login Screen. Apparentally windows decided to restart my computer during the night.
Ohh what joy.~
Now I have to rememeber what the fuck I had open - and it was mostly work related.
I would have left for Linux ages ago, but I'm a gamer.. And most of my games are for windows.. Some are even Windows Store Apps..
Windows.. Why don't you give a shit about us..
And before you ask..
I have Auto Updates Disabled (Not that that really fucking matters with windows..)
I have all sleep and power saver settings disabled.17 -
Fuck you apple! All I want to do is put music on my ancient old iPod via iTunes. I'm not going to spend a penny in your shitty store so why are you insisting that I give you payment details?!
This is why I'm a windows user.7 -
Can you make my shitty campervan into a 6 bedroom mansion with en-suite bathrooms, a games room and an indoor pool. Mobile first... go fuck yourself!!!!!!!3
-
Thank you open source community.
Because of you I can have a terminal app on my Android and browse the web without all that nagware.
Thousands of devs collaborating around the world. There are more amazing things to do than use Lynx, but you know, that's all I wanted for now, and thanks to freely shared software, I could.
1 -
Sorry, is TL, but humbly think is worth to read.
Last Friday:
Coworker: Hey, our mail is being redirected to our client's spam folder. What did you do?
Me: Sorry, but I have no control over that.
Boss: I happened to me also. Something is wrong with our mail server.
Me: I'll check, but this is really out of my control.
Rushed to my station... domain blacklist check...Fuuuuuuuu! We been blacklisted! What in the fucking damn hell happened?????!!!
Mail server log check....Mmmm...WTF is this shit?
Devilish grin in my face....muahahahaaa! Your ass is MINE!
So, my "I know everything" new coworker ( https://www.devrant.io/rants/193238 ) used his account to send over 6300 messages a couple of times over a period of 4 hours. By our boss request we have no limit on our servers...
Gotcha! I'm going to get your ass fired!
(BTW: The pic is Gotcha the Cockatoo)
4 -
Oh my God I didn't even noticed I crossed 1000++ in just 2 weeks of newly activated me! Over 400++ in fucking 2 WEEEKKKSS!!!
THANK YOU GUYS I LOVE YOU
10 -
If you didn't bother even glancing at the docos I told you to read through (which I wrote and I know are complete af), don't bother coming to me for questions either.
I broke today because I have to go through explaining how graphs work.
*dragging my hair out *7 -
So instead of drinking shit like Pepsi Max while coding on a weekend, and since it's so hot lately, I thought I'd buy a blender and some fruits and make frozen fruit drinks.
After unpacking the blender, I notice a booklet with a few recipes.
All I can say, is, ":/".
I'm thinking about making a frozen watermelon and peach drink right now. What do you guys like to drink when it's really hot (besides coffee)?
13 -
Dear Oracle,
why do I have to have an X server running for your stupid Oracle Database to install?
Why are you sometimes capable of writing good software like VirtualBox, and then fuck up simple tasks like creating a docker image for your fucking Database? (Seriously, try it, you will not be able to set up a simple Oracle Database using their official Dockerfiles)
Also, what makes you think that -4 is the "most appropriate exit status"?!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Fuck you really hard you proprietary piece of shit!
8 -
Those who just code in their free time by passion (not for work), you dev :
- As soon as I feel like it, 4-5 lines on the IDE that runs in the background
- about ten minutes a day, but in an intense way
- About ten minutes every hour intensively.
- For hours like a zombie
- For hours, highly concentrated
- By objective, without stopping until the objective is reached
- Not often but when I'm motivated I code for 3 days in a row.
I will be very interested in your answers :D6 -
maybe Step 2 didn't make it.
maybe it decided to leave and disappear.
or maybe, it was destroyed by an underpaid, overworked dev who holds grudges against Step 2.
Wherever you are, I'd miss the step that I didn't have to take to make the plugin works.
-
What do you do for a living? I mean, since we're all in devRant, we are all programmers and developers here. But what do you specialise in and which language do you recommend for use in your field?17
-
devRant needs some sort of Offspring-of-Clippy tool.
"It looks like you're posting a sort-of-humorous-the-first-time joke or meme. Have you bothered to scroll more than twice to see if this dead horse has, indeed, been well flogged?" 😜 -
Just remembered an old dad story:
Around 30 years ago I started a game on my Commodore 64, I was about 15 at the time, and back then you had to load the games from cassette tapes.
So I started the cassette player and waited for the game to load, and when it was done I stopped the tape. My dad saw this and he asked :
- "Why did you stop the tape if you want to play the game?"
And I guess it is kind of natural for someone who used cassette tapes for listening to music, to say that :-) Still I laughed at my dad...3 -
FUCK SQL SERVER! JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE! HOPE YOU CHOKR ON YOUR TRIGGERS AND STORED PROCEDURES AND OTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT STUFF. NOW FUCK OFF AND GO AWAY!!!!8
-
!rant
Thank you guys for helping me out on the GoFundMe
Just a little update: all the money that is left over will be given to his family.
My best friend was also my apprentice on programming, he had just started learning Java when he first got the bad news from doctor year ago. -
Instead of using MVC framework (like Angular), my predecessor preferred typing all the data the hard way.... The number of lines were like 2000 (in html...)
5 -
F++ you! You never here when I need you. You force me to sleep when I want to code. You force me to code when I want beer. I hate you, time!1
-
"Could you implement a network connection into the project so that people can use it even when they don't have a Internet connection?"1
-
Android is fucking fucked up.
Why the fuck it takes so much of time to build. And trust me,
React + Android is the worst combination. Can't even understand what the fuck it is trying to say?
And sometimes, no body knows what is wrong with something. Seriously look at the picture, that's the solution sent by the Android lead.
Did you realize the repeatedly at the end. 🦆 What try 🦆 dude.
Fuck. I'm ain't gonna work on this after this project.
12 -
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s a duck, right? So if this duck is not giving you the noise that you want, you’ve got to just punch that duck until it returns what you expect. -Patrick Ewing2
-
tonight I'd like to thank code for being code. Code is nice, code is logical, code is free of drama. Thank you code.3
-
!dev
When you're waiting impatiently for your computer to load something so you basically become the computer's personal cheerleader. -
Alright sit down boys this is gonna be a good tale (also a long one).
I'm currently developing a wordpress site for a Client. Everythings works well enough, I had a few "wtf is this shit" moments. Now we decided to give him access to the wp site so that he can see and change (I know, I know don't judge me pls), so I set up tunneling with ngrok, but that PIECE OF SHIT WP DIDN'T WORK ANYMORE. You asking why? Oh I'm telling you why, wp uses ONLY absolute paths. Well fuck, I ain't gonna touch that piece of shit php code, so I installed a plugin and shit was working.
In short, after a few fucking HOURS that shit finally worked. Well that would be a great fucking end for our little tale right? Yeeeeaaah no, I shit you not, it gets even better!
After a few days my client gets back at me that he can't enter fucking wp-admin to work on the text an stuff (again pls don't judge me for granting him access to the backend of wp during development). So I checked it out and that piece of shit didn't work. If anyone would happen to know why, I would be grateful bc for the love of spagetti monster I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!
So I said to myself well fuck this shit and put it on a webhoster. Uploaded all the files, and migrated the db. Sounds like it finally worked right? Well guess again buddy. So I needed to go to the database, updated values manually for wp to have the correct url and then still needed to force it to refresh every fucking link.
As it finally works now, this tale is also finished then and I really hope that part 2 is never ever comming!
Sorry for the (somewhat) long rant but this is some next generation bullshit. -
Fuck you sysadmin, what makes you think that running a complete antivirus scan everyday at fucking 11am is a good idea?
What the fuck can I do with the fucking 5% CPU available? Should I play fucking Pong in an emulator? Write the story of my life with notepad?
Go hang yourself on an Ethernet câble in your fucking server room, you fucktard cunt.12 -
Dear legacy Java code producer, past, present, and future: I know that all of those static getInstance methods you love so much are really just globals in disguise, even if you're too thick to realize it. Fuck you.2
-
COMMENTS BE LIKE...
Physics exam. Seems I was the special guy who did the task in a different (and almost correct way), so my teacher had to share some golden thoughts with me.
Passed anyway xD
5 -
You've got to be kidding me, you really think you can waltz in after a 2 months asking me to fix something which supposedly "suddenly" popped up which I guess you didn't notice 2 months ago during project delivery? And then even dare ask WHAT you are being charged for? ESPECIALLY when working on a Sunday? You can die in the gutter.4
-
var myLove =0;
var myLife = 'you';
if(yourHeart =='Me'){
myLove =+1;
else {
myLife = null;
myLove = undefined;
}6 -
By the way, for anyone that gets a "lol" from me, I really mean I'm laughing out loud. I don't like being dishonest with these stuff.
Like when I'm in classes and message something funny to a classmate and he replies "rofl", I really expect him to be rolling on the floor laughing but fuck, he's there sitting with a perfect pose without even a smirk on his face. Next time you rofl at me, motherfucker, I expect you to be rolling in the floor. ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING.
So appreciate my lols please. I mean them. I lol in the subway, my car, in classes and the bathroom. I'm sincere with them.8 -
I can't recall one single person I can call a mentor, however...
When I first started as a developer I had a senior to work with... I knew close to anything but I was always good at research and learning on my own... But we used an asp.net framework, it was new and there was little to no useful information, only basics... When I asked the senior (let's call him Joe) for help he gave me a quick answer:
Joe: Go to file xx, there's an example of what you need there...
Me: Well, been there and that's great but it doesn't help...
Everytime I was stucked during my first week it was always some sort of the same, so I insisted this time...
Me: so, Joe... I'm really stuck on this one, can you give it a look?
Joe: I know, I've been researching a way to do it for an hour now and can't get it either...
Me: wow! Thanks... But I thought you were an expert on this...
Joe: not really, never used it before. It's as new to me as it is to you! :)
So, that switched me from "this fucking weasel won't help me for shit" to "well, let's help each other"
We became good friends, always challenging each other and from that day on I stopped asking for help, and asking where can I help others...
I had great and greatly bad colleague and seniors. Each one thought me something either what to do or what not to do, how to act or not, how to tackle problems, how to teach...
Everyone I have worked with, worked for or trained is a mentor of mine. Even those I feel like I failed training thought me how to do better next time...
Thank you guys for being grate... Thank you assholes for teaching me how to send a guy go fuck himself! Good luck for those who get stucked with me -
That feeling when at the last minute, after an interview they decided to reject your application 😢4
-
Ok Visio. You have a Database Wizard that allows me to associate shapes with database records. Cool! You do not allow me to automate this through VBA? NOT COOL2
-
i wish there was an app to measure celllphone reception, which displays the signal strength via Augmentented Reality. With green yellow and red, just like it does with a thermal camera. So that you can find the best cellphone reception spot in your flat.7
-
What the actual fuck is wrong with companies that have websites with useless buttons. And i mean useless like a "Click here for our api documentation" which takes you to a contact form that you fill out and wait 3 days for someone to email you a link to a publicly accessable webpage on the same fucking website, a link that is just an extra tier on the contact forms link 😠 or they make their website a motherfucking labyrinth just to find the api documentation or a phone number to contact them.1
-
Wow I really feel with you my dear Java developers.
Since I am working on a Custom Launcher for devCraft I now know how bad gradle is.17 -
If you write an editor or input field, and do not respect our Ctrl+Backspace expectations, I will turkey-slap yo ass, bitch.
-
wooooo!! finally got my stickers!!! many thanks from Mexico @dfox
and you should consider checking your toner... kinda running out of ink... xD
-
I used to not care whether I used light or dark themes, so I mostly used the light theme in IDEs. But, seeing as all of you like dark theme so much, I decided to only use dark theme.
Now my eyes burn when looking at white surfaces.8 -
WTF Windows?
Why the fuck are you phoning home to old AD domain, even after I unregistered the OS from it and deleted all software and user accounts on the machine?
Next level spyware, I see
Fuck it, I am going to block all the traffic I can't find a legitimate purpose for.1 -
received them yesterday 😊 they're much better than expected 😱☺️ thank you Team devRant 😉
now I'm just wandering what to do with them 🤔 I mean obviously I want to stick them on my laptop but it's 4 years old and it's got its best behind so I was thinking should I wait until I buy a new laptop? 🤔
-
During my first hackathon I teamed up with some strangers. We decided to create some games by expanding reality with virtual element (sounds mysteriously and maybe even ominously, but it's not). So here we go - one of them started building android app, the second guy started building window app in C++ and the last one of them decided to create something in JavaScript. It was fun, but I wasn't prepared and so much educated, so after some trials that ended poorly, the only thing I did was the wooden construction that was supposed to hold our tablet up so it could shoot photos recursively. I almost died of boredom for the remaining time.
-
if (!rant) Fuck oranges
else
It's about time we make some God fucking damn things fucking God fucking clear. What the fuck does programming have to do with fucking non-programming?
Honestly. Fucking fucks pretending to be fucking programmers (probably not you, but fuck off if you're one of those fuckers.) FUCK SUCH PEOPLE FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK fuck FUCK!
There. Now that's out there. Leave fucking programming to the fucking fuckers who fucking know some-fucking-thing fucking ab-fucking-out it. If you're learning, ask questions, without you there'd be no fucking future for good fucking programmers. But if you're a fucking fuck fucking ducks in the fucking park--fuck the God fucking damn the fuck OFF!3 -
Microsoft FUCK YOU!
How the fuck did you lock my account and make it impossible for me to recover it.
I have send you all the information that you have asked me and you still tell me that you can't prove my ownership? Bullshit!
Aggggghhh, this is making so angry since all my accounts are setup to log in with that email account.
This is why I hate technical support people who only reply what is written in a fucking script.
Sorry for swearing that much. Not really. Fuck you Microsoft!1 -
Ummm, I will assume that you were not able to navigate to the page you have just opened in background. Ok Safari, thanks for the hardwork.
4 -
Trying to figure out why your code won't work after you fixed it, only to find that the offshore team completely fucked everything back up again 😵3
-
This is a rant.
Sorry rant community...I haven't had so much time lately. Too much work to do, and you reminded me that it's passed quite a lot of time from the last login. And for you I meant the rant community developers!
I will be here more often in the future!
1 -
Send a thank you email when people go out of their way to help you or finish the shit work within your arbitrary deadline.
All it takes is hit reply button and typing 2 words 'thank you'. -
We interviewed some candidates for a dev position some weeks ago and, knowing the environment isn't that challenging (at least for me) I voted against the better curriculums because I know they would be frustrated fast, I said that. But I didn't say it was because it's shit here... Of course.... I really just want the good devs to be better then they can be here.... What do you think?3
-
Mother of dev. This story is from my beginning with Node.js, some months ago.
WHY THE FUCK EVERY TUTORIAL AND GUIDE PASTES CODE WITHOUT FUCKING EXPLAINING IT?
Ended out literally parsing github to understand simple concepts.
Fuck you, I didn’t pay online classes to copy/pastes. -
That moment when you spend your whole night building something to look like a website skeleton in CSS bootstrap so that your colleague who supervises it tells you that it needs to be revamped...1
-
Fucking group projects fuck them oh so much fucking fuck fuck fuck.
What's that? You want to basically ignore the spec and do something else? Fuck.
Wait, let's not use the great resources given to us? Fucking fuck.
Oh, you're just going to ignore the fact that everyone else disagrees with you? Fuckity fuck fuck.
I am so angry. You don't get to railroad your team.
You fucker. Ugh. -
So 90% of the Tech Support team is off today. So I decided to jump in to help the guys out:
Me: *solves issue
(one less ticket to solve)
Reporter: "thank you for your help!"
(re-opens the ticket)
Me: *recloses the ticket
Reporter: "thanks again"
(Reopens ticket)
Me: smashes head into desk
How am I supposed to get tickets solved when most of the open tickets are "thank you's"! -
What the fuck?
Did you know you can not copy Windows 10 from let's say a 1TB HDD to a 120GB SSD? It says there is not enough space... sure Windows is currently 30GB big...
FUCK YOU!6 -
!rant && thankYou
It's me again, some days ago I'm upset by some comments in my rant. Well, not anymore (thanks for additional caffeine doping).
Some comments in my rants are related to "idiomatic" javascript. @plugsut even kindly provide the link to airbnb standard. I'm not 100% happy with that standard (and I still have my own opinion), but I've learn some lessons.
They write some things about how to deal with common use cases, and also there is linter to told me which one of the code is "suspiciously-bad-written".
Some things like `this is a string and this is a ${variable}` or {{anObject}} still doesn't work on my current version of Node.Js (The last time I checked it was LTS, but I'm not quite sure with that, probably things has been changed as always).
I also try to refactor my big functions into small chunks and incredibly, it makes the code easier to trace. Giving a sane name to function/variable is still very difficult, and sometimes I ends up with getChainWhichIsThisKeyRepacedByThatKeyInCaseOfThis(). Meaningful, but what is that again?...
I've also try to build my own "testing" libraries. But apparently there are already a lot of things out there, like mocha or something.
Building everything from scratch is my bad habit since the first programming language I learnt was turbo pascal, and back then internet access was difficult. So yeah, I build everything from scratch just to find someone has already build a better one.
This devRant thing is mostly about ranting. So it is very common to see complains like "I am a little pathetic good little boy trying to survive in this cruel universe where everyone but me is sucks".
But today (and only for today) I'm not ranting, and want to show my greatest gratitude to all of you.
Ah, and I'm not showing you the code this time.3 -
Happy fricken Tuesday devs!! You guys are awesome and I hope you have a stellar day and rest of your week.1
-
When everything is taken away from you, and this might not happen for a very long time, just remember that you surrendered every ounce of control of your life over to those whom have been out to fuck you over since before you were born.1
-
Look what arrived just in time for another crunch time weekend. This ball will surely see some usage the next few days 😀
Thank you so much @dfox!
2 -
"Hey, can you check this ticket, and fix a bug on a Drupal module written 2 years ago, making you rewrite almost everything, please ? You have 30mn"
-
While you developers are where you are, battling office politics everyday, scrumming, agiling and solving some of the world's toughest problems, I, for the past few nights, have been sitting for hours in-front of my computer, slipping into hour-long day-dreams while trying to determine my favorite ice-block flavor.
All I can say, is, it's either the yellow, orange, green, raspberry, cola, or the fairy-floss one.
And now I'm out of ice-blocks. ;-( -
All of my programming knowledge (more like 95% of it) have been gathered by myself. I've started learning during secondary school - the basics everyone has to go through. But it was so awesome that I wanted more. So I've started digging through vast space of internets and books only to find that I know very little. I've had help in the university and high school (the other 5%), but it wasn't enough.
The best thing is - the feeling has never worn off. And I still want more, because it feels like learning magic - the only difference is magic doesn't exist 😃 -
I love maths so much, but I am at the verge of suicide due to differential equations right now...
Wish I could code something 😟2 -
Recently I had the "pleasure" to participate in a recruitment process for a web developer internship position.
First of all, a nice lady calls me to confirm everything and sets up a meeting. She mentions about a qualification test and gives me several technologies like python, c#. I was confused but we explained everything and she knew I was not interested in these technologies since I didn't apply for python or c# dev.
Later on I go to their company building to take the test. I get the test, I overview all tasks - 80% of the test was composed of OOP and C#. OOP - this I can understand but fucking C#? Seriously wtf? I wrote the test the way I was able to do it and at the end the guy says it was deliberate to put other technologies so that he could check how would we find ourselves in a situation like this.
Honestly, I felt like the whole process was a big joke for them. I wasted time going there just to see that I'm taking the test that includes the things posted in the job offer only in 20%.
Fuck them. -
Rant!
The wilde difference in native support between IE , gecko and WebKit is like difference between a real burger and MacDonald's,
They're both burgers but one will make you happy and the other will give diarrhea and a swollen butthole -
Desperately waiting to get a new Mac air so I can stop using this ancient windows PC. "Microsoft Windows - This application stopped working. Do you want to close it?" honestly *eye roll*^∞
-
I'm learning new technologies! Last time I finished Android course, now I'm going to learn a bit more about MEAN 😄 it's so exciting finding new perspectives of programming 😊4
-
While building this site I decide to check if it works in internet explorer (you know, would be kinda nice) only to find out that apparently even edge does not support the js notation:
class MyClass {
// Stuff here.
}
Throws an exception 'MyClass' is undefined... Fuck you ie. Making me rewrite my damn classes.5 -
@dfox @trogus do you have any plans for adding chat with other plp around here or link to external portal profiles? I'd like to send a private message to one of them but I can't 😐
Btw I know it's hard to maintain something like that in a database since it takes much space but I wanted to ask anyway 😉16 -
If you post about how your program runs on first execution without testing it up until said execution, I will call you a terrible, unprofessional programmer, and an insult to the craft right in your mother's face.4
-
If there's one thing i love and hate about JS arrow functions, it's the fact that they don't have a 'this' to themselves--great most times, VERY horrible the few times you need 'this' and forget that little caveat. I just wasted more time than I'm proud to admit because I forgot that
-
Dear teammates!
I'm so proud I have you. You're the incredible professionals. Your efforts and your desire keep us on the track even at the toughest moments.
It's a honor to be this team's leader.
I bagging you. Do not ever fucking think you are able to make design decisions on your own!
I'm tired to toes of that shit you submit for code review every fucking day!!! -
Co-worker: I started having this issue like two weeks ago.
Me: Two weeks ago? Why are you only telling me now?
Co-worker: I dunno. I just stopped using <program> and worked around it.
Me: Thanks for the notice, man. That helped me tremendously /s -_-
FUCKING PUT IN A TICKRT OR TELL ME THAT THERE IS AN ISSUE. -
Even when the code is right, it's wrong. Like when you are fixing bugs:
"damn, this variable doesn't look like it belongs in this part of the code", but when you look further into it you see that is correct and you continue with the bug and have no idea what the next step should be.1 -
Why the fuck doesn't anything work anymore? I signed up for a service the other day and paid for it, and now I can't even log in. And the support is fucking useless. And now I have a cold. Fucking great.
-
I just HATE how PhpStorm handles indentation. Or rather, how it doesn't let *you* handle indentation. I should not have to fire up a different editor just to fix your bloody incorrect auto-indentation.2
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