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Most used lie you tell to client: -
Client: “Could you make the software do XYZ?”
Programmer: “No.”
What the programmer really wants to say:
“It’s software. Of course we could do it. But:
it would take a very long time,you can’t afford it,we can’t sell it to anyone else because it’s a terrible idea,by the time we finish it, you won’t want it anymore.”
“No” is just easier to say and is less insulting, especially when the client has a dozen of these great ideas.14 -
Her: you're a coder right?
Me: I prefer programmer, yeah why?
Her: I accidentally switched my phone to another language and I...
/(ò.ó)┛彡┻━┻9 -
I have a new car that drives itself to a certain degree.
However if you take your hands off of the steering wheel, after 15 seconds it starts shouting at you to put your hands back on the steering wheel.
SO imagine you’re the developer.
You can recognise when someone’s hands aren’t on the wheel.
Why might that be the case? The driver is sleeping, dead or otherwise incapacitated.
Appropriate response?
1) slow the car down to a stop?
2) just turn off self steering so the car veers into oncoming traffic.
Yes you guessed correctly - it’s option 2!
For the love of fuck. Surely the better option would be to keep the thing steering but slow it to a stop.
#developeritus17 -
Jingle bells,
Batman smells,
Don't push to prod today!
But if you do,
Make sure you
Test it all the way!
Happy holidays, y'all!4 -
I keep forgetting people's birthdays and thereby I forget to wish people, and wishing people everyday can become a chore. As somebody once said, if you do something more than once, automate it.
Spent two hours and ended up building a bot that consists of four functions: login, checkIfAuthenticated, postToProfile and getBirthdaysToday using mostly axios and cheerio.
Currently works perfectly and I've been thinking of writing a blog post about it for my 'Automating Your Life' series.
I'll post the link in the comments soon when I'm done with the blog post.
40 -
Now (since iPhone X) that iPhones can recognise whether you’re watching them or not, it’s a matter of time before YouCrap & Co will pause ads while not watching them.
Think different my ass.13 -
PM: Bro send me latest version of the app
Me: But I"m not finished with x feature and it will crash the app in its current situation
PM: No problem bro just want to test
*5 minutes later*
PM: Bro app is crashing when I do x
Inner Me: YOU PEACE OF SHIT I TOLD YOU IT WILL CRASH!
Actual Me: throw a ticket I'll handle it later.11 -
Today when showing a game that I made:
X: So you used Unity, it's so easy
Me: Yeah I mean compared to....
X: Thus since you used a game engine, I can't say your game was completly developed by you.
Me: So you are saying that since a builder didn't make bricks thus he can't claim credits on the building he made?13 -
Just discovered that one of my coworkers(well...my boss really) has the uncanny ability to detect fonts and sizes with extreme accuracy.
For some of you that may be not impressive at all and some can probably do it too. But its like...not only on websites man...she can do it on things that we see printed, menus and stuff.
That to me at least is very impressive.11 -
The moment when you reopen a project from 4 months ago and you can't believe that you wrote that code
1 -
So here I am... thinking to myself how does this kid not know about the shift key?
Me: "Ok we're going to test see if you have sudo access. Please enter your password, now"
Student: ~stares at the black terminal box and begins pressing the caps lock key. The light doesn't display~
Student: "Um... what? Do I need to enter a new password?"
Me: "No"
Continues to click the caps-lock button and waiting for a light to appear on the keyboard. It doesn't. He continues clicking.
Me: "You need to press the shift button"
Him: "What???"
Me: "You need to press the shift button"
Him: "Um.. I don't understand"
Him: Presses shift button, nothing happens. Goes back to pressing caps lock button.
Me: "Your password has a capital letter in it right?"
Him: "Um... yeah."
Me: "Press the shift button to capitalize your letters."
Him: "I don't understand... Do I need to enter a new password?"
Me: "No... you need to press and hold the shift key to get a capital letter"
Him: "................................ ............................................ . . . . . .. .. .. .. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . ...................... . . . . . . . Oh..."
Him: "Presses and holds the shift button with his thumb and then presses the Z key."
Me: ~What in the hell are you doing?~ 🤦
Me: "Perfect it looks like you are a part of the sudoers list."
Me: "You can take you computer back."
Me: ~Do you fucking use the caps lock key to capitalize all the first letters in your sentences? Please tell me you don't!~13 -
Waisting some times on codewars.com
~~~~
3 kyu challenge:
Given a string with mathematical operations like this: ‘3+5*7*(10-45)’, compute the result
~~~~~
*Does a quick and easy one liner in python using eval()*
*sees people actually writing some 100 lines parsing the string and calculating using priority of operation*
Poor them...
(Btw, passed to lvl 4 kyu thx to this)14 -
I just noticed the huge amount of Germans on this platform. Gather together, my fellow Schnitzels! 🍻26
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HW issue causing blue screens? Windows' fault.
Driver bug? Windows' fault.
A program crashing? Windows' fault.
"Forced" updates you could've turned off? Windows' fault.
You have no common sense? Windows' fault.
Your girlfriend leaving you? Windows' fault.
Let's blame Windows because I got nothing else to blame.28 -
The first time I ever did a PR on Github, I forked the repo, did the fix, committed the file and put the merge target to my fork master instead of the original repo master.
I then proceeded to accept my own PR and got so excited that it was so quick to merge.1 -
So, my wife is in the hospital with two of the kids for an annual checkup. Should be nothing to worry about but still it's stressful and I want to be there.
I'd booked the day off (until the end of the week) and last week I got told, you've taken too many holidays, just the Friday is approved.
Ok, fine, I'll do some extra hours work from home and be there for the appointment. But fuck no, they schedule an "important" client meeting this morning and I'm required to attend.
TWO FUCKING HOURS and I contributed a sum total of 2 sentences which could have been filled in just as well by the other developer on the call
Just another reason I'm happy to be interviewing at other companies.6 -
Making a contest site for a client. It's 2 parts, a static part and then a "hub" where the contest actually takes part. I did most of the static part, and uploaded it to show her. She likes it, but wants to be able to change the content automatically without having to talk to me. Ok, I think. The harder part is the contest site, so she's not gonna run away with my code. I give her access to the ftp and teach her what to do.
To my amazement she takes a liking to html. And starts adding some (super simple) tags. They ruin some of my designs but they look fine. Whatever.
Today she messages me saying that the top picture is off. Hmm, I'll check it out. Turns out almost the entire page is ruined. What's even worse is that she inserted a link to a facebook image she has on top of everything, a picture I don't have access to, and yet she's refusing to admit that it was her mistake. It's not even wrapped in an img tag, it's just pure text!!!
Fine. I'll revert to the version I had. No! cz apparently I can't undo all the changes she's worked hard on. So now I have to go through all the markup and check what's causing this -- and I hate frontend!!!
Worst part of this all? She can't fucking be bothered to type out what her whore infested lying mouth wants to say. She has to send me voicenotes, a few minutes long, filled with uhhh ummm let me think, because that brain who thought learning to write <br/> and <em> is bad ass can't FUCKING formulate a thought before sending it. She has to have me stop my music, and stop my concentration just so she can tell me maybe she pasted it by mistake IN A 5 MINUTE VOICE NOTE. tbh the money isn't even that good. I don't know why I'm still here.
PS: it's not missing an include. I checked.7 -
I'm freaking the fuck out.
After months of learning from bootcamp and on my own, after a month of no resumes replied to, after almost giving up I finally got a job opportunity in front-end web development.
The thing is, I have to pass their online test to verify my JavaScript-fu.
3 hours.
4 tasks.
And I feel like garbage who can't understand even the most basic algorithms.
By the power of Grayskull, I don't think I have the power...
Wish me luck.16 -
(Meeting with Client)
Client: The script you sent us is broken... It can't run... We can't test now. (Their supervisor even insinuated that I did that on purpose :/ What?!)
Asked for logs, googled for solutions. Moments later.
Client: Oh it's our server's problem.
:/1 -
A nice word to all developers who say stuff like "I know I write bad code, but what does it matter.":
Please try to think in a logical way about what this part you are about to write has to do. It is much more difficult to rewrite code, the longer you wait after you started to code.
Bad code can have big impacts on different levels.
For example financially: Bad coding style or program structure can lead to thousands or much more in losses because of nasty bugs, bad performance, expandability or maintainability.
Think about quality over quantity.
A little example: I had to work together with other coders to meet a fucking tight deadline. The last day we coded like crazy and these dudes started to apply styling changes (CSS) directly as inline styles to the HTML code, instead of taking a few minutes more to find where in the CSS files they had to make the changes.
At the end of the deadline we had more stylingbugs than before. It took us another whopping 3 hours to fix what they had done.
So next time you code: Thinking before coding is mostly faster than just straightahead coding and fixing at the end. 😉4 -
When I'm tired, I can't do a damned thing. If it takes effort or concentration, I'm useless. Games are just frustrating. If it's something enjoyable, I simply can't care enough to enjoy it. If I read a book, I can't focus on the words, and won't remember anything I read. If its mindless like watching Netflix, I won't remember the next day, or rather I'll remember just enough to ruin it for myself.
So why not sleep?
Because I've been feeling like this every day, all day long for months. No, that vile liquid called coffee doesn't help. If I rest my eyes and stop thinking for a few minutes, I wake up a little and can function normally for a minute or two before passing out again. I'm not depressed, or at least I don't think I am. I feel like my brain died or got replaced with a lizard's.
And this sucks because I'm still during the probation period at work, and learning the sprawling and intricate codebase is actually challenging. And they're giving me large tickets because I was a dummy and impressed them too much.
Idk what's wrong with me, but I hope it stops soon.
I miss being able to think and plan and do anything besides just struggle to stay awake. 😞16 -
When somebody says they know how to program and I ask them what languages they know and they say XML, CSS, HTML.16
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Yesterday my boss saw me getting my 4th cup of coffee and asked: Isn't that a bit much?
Me: Didn't you know? Programmers run on coffee and pizza.
Him: I allways thought it was cigarettes and (something I don't remember...)
Me:... '-.-12 -
!rant
My work does this contest where they email everyone a puzzle where you have to guess a safety slogan. They give you maybe 1-2 letters in each word and there are about 5 or 6 words. So I found a list of every word in the English language online, I imported it into a database and I ran a few queries to return all possible words for each, depending on the length of the word, and where the letter hints are placed. I haven't missed one puzzle so far. :D
p.s. I told my girlfriend and she said, "I am dating a nerd".8 -
!(short rant) && (long story)
So these last 2 months of my life have been quite topsy turvy. Everything was pretty much unexpected and now I am on my way to Banglore, which is referred to as the Silicon Valley of India.
All this started in mid Feb when one day my ceo dropped a mail to all of us saying he wants to covey something important. A little background story about my company before I go on. We were a bunch of 6-7 tech guys working on a location based analytics product and had a decent client base. I had joined them in November 2017 and I was very hopeful that I would get to learn a lot owing to the good seniors from reputed universities and their experience. Coming back to the day, the ceo called us and dropped a bomb on us that the funding is depleted and we only have enough money to pay you salaries for this month. "We didn't anticipate that this day will come but currently we are in talks with some companies that are looking to acquire us. I am very much hopeful that we will figure something out by the end of this month(Feb). Until then, I can't stop you from applying to other companies but don't reveal that we are in this situation." So, keeping my fingers crossed I was waiting for the acquisition and wasn't looking for any other opportunities.
The company work was under hold and during this time one of my friends approached me with his idea. Since I had nothing else to do, I agreed to work with him. I was living in Mumbai, the city with one of the highest living standards in India, and I was paying exorbitant rent without any income. There was no news until mid March when the ceo called and dropped bomb#2 that an Indonesian company is looking to acquire us and he had scheduled an interview for the entire team. This isn't what I had signed up for. Indonesia wasn't a country I had even considered, let alone leave the country. Still I appeared for the interview and it went very well.
No news from the company or the ceo after that. One of my friends advised me to start applying to other companies and not rely on this acquisition. Now the problem was I couldn't reveal about the acquisition in my interview, so I used to give some bullshit about me not liking the work here. The company didn't buy it because how can someone judge a company in just 4 months. So obviously I didn't clear the interviews, also partially because I didn't meet their technical requirements.
March end, I moved to my hometown in Gujarat because obviously I had started to get broke in this expensive-ass city. The friend with whom I was working with also didn't have any issue since it was just tech and coding and I could do it remotely. Comes mid-April when the ceo called and said the acquisition is done and gave me some details about it. For confidentiality sake I can't reveal the details but I figured enough red flags for me to go with it.
*Eye of the tiger playing in the background*
Now started my quest of finding a decent job. The edge I had now was that I could reveal about the acquisition to the other company. I started applying left right and center to any company I could find. Amazon, saavn and some good-ass Indian companies. The thing that now came in my way was my experience. I am 23 year old(soon to be 24) with around 20 months of experience. Everyone wanted a 3-5 year experience guy/girl. Soon, my entire optimism was draining and I even considered going back to my first company.
During this time, I got a call from this company in Banglore who were looking for a candidate which best suited my profile. I went all guns blazing and appeared for the interview. I had 6 rounds of technical interview plus 1 logical reasoning. And since I was giving the interview remotely, I had one round on each alternate working day. Everyday was a challenge and I spent the nights in anxiousness and anticipation. Meanwhile I was appearing for other interviews too, since I wasn't too hopeful about my chances in this one.
Cut to April 27, I got an offer from this company and without negotiating they offered me the package I was hoping for.
After this entire ordeal, I realised one thing. Whatever happens, happens for good. Looking forward to this new city, new company, new people and new environment.11 -
Guys! Yes, you devs! Not all the places in the world has the thing you call "state". Why the hell this field is required unrelated to country?6
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Why do users find it so hard to understand short and clear error messages that are in place to inform them what's going wrong? Why do they instead waste my time when the message clearly says that the password is too short and hasn't got any special characters? FFS!4
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It blows my mind that Google, advertisers, and a lot of companies seem to not understand the concept of a need fulfilled.
Google news: If you notify me of an article, and then I click on that notification, you can assume I read it. And you can also assume that I don't wish to read it again 2hrs later! So stop notifying me!!!
Amazon, AdSense, Facebook, everyone else: just because I bought new headphones, doesn't mean I wanna see ads for headphones. Actually it means the exact opposite. I don't want new headphones. I literally just bought some. And I especially don't want the exact same ones. I already have them.
Somehow, the targeted ads are worse than random. That's annoying.
How is this hard?11 -
* Sets up some software
"Alright, and now to start the database"
* types "sudo systemctl start po-"
* hits tab -> poweroff.target
* Enter
...fuck me
little did I know, the database was already started...4 -
I started saying 'yes' to every opportunity in life. Long story short, I have 3 websites, 2 logos, a couple of leaflets and 2 non-profit websites due yesterday. Whiskey with cereal never tasted better at 8 AM!5
-
Thinking about getting this as a tattoo on my wrist (without the words), what do you think? Currently 21, will this decision fuck me over somewhere?
11 -
Behold the results of photoshopping pictures for the last 3 weeks....
Now I should be able to delete 10GB of RAWs from my 256GB SSD....
Next up, the 4 hours of videos.... and my interview tomorrow.... wish me luck?
7 -
I'm flying Lufthansa right now, and if the wifi on this plane is indicative of German wifi, my rants will become much much much angrier... this is absurd.
For those in Germany with this wifi... HOW DO YOU FUNCTION???!!!?!?!28 -
I noticed that a lot of people are ranting about writing code on paper in the wk92 rant, but that got me thinking: does anyone here write something like "pseudo-code" (or some kind of plan) on paper before they type out their code?21
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So my colleuge is making a noise about his password not being accepted for a new account and calls me over to come assist.
After getting there and taking a look I could easily see the confirmation password was much longer than the inteded password and point this out to him.
He then proceeds to work through the source to the confirm password field and changes the data to text so I can read the confirmed password
Password: *******
Confirm PW: Yup that's it
Major facepalm for the prank😂
Colleague - @minij0ker4 -
iPhones are ridiculously picky when it comes to finding a mate- um charger. And knowing why doesn't really make it any easier to understand why. If anything it baffles me more.
So, let's start with appliances that are not phones. Think Bluetooth headsets, keyboards, earbuds, whatever. Those are simple devices. They see 5V on the VCC line and 0V on ground, and they will charge at whatever current they are meant to. Usually it will not exceed 200mA, and the USB 2.0 spec allows for up to 500mA from any USB outlet. So that's perfectly reasonable to be done without any fuss whatsoever.
Phones on the other hand are smarter.. some might say too smart for their own good. In this case I will only cover Android phones, because while they are smarter than they perhaps should be, they are still reasonable.
So if you connect an Android phone to the same 5V VCC and 0V ground, while leaving the data lines floating, the phone will charge at 500mA. This is exactly to be within USB 2.0 spec, as mentioned earlier. Without the data lines, the phone has no way to tell whether it *can* pull more, without *actually* trying to pull more (potentially frying a charger that's not rated for it). Now in an Android phone you can tell it to pull more, in a fairly straightforward way. You just short the data lines together, and the phone will recognize this as a simple charger that it can pull 1A from. Note that shorting data lines is not a bad thing, we do it all the time. It is just another term for making a connection between 2 points. Android does this right. Also note that shorted data lines cannot be used to send data. They are inherently pulled to the same voltage level, probably 0V but not sure.
And then the iPhones come in, Thinking Different. The iPhones require you to pull the data lines to some very specific voltage levels. And of course it's terribly documented because iSheep just trying to use their Apple original white nugget charger overseas and shit like that. I do not know which voltage levels they are (please let me know!), but it is certainly not a regular short. Now you connect the iPhone to, say, a laptop or something to charge. An Android phone would just charge while keeping data transmission disabled (because they can be left floating or shorted). This is for security reasons mostly, preventing e.g. a malicious computer from messing with it. An iPhone needs to be unlocked to just charge the damn thing. I'm fairly sure that that's because the data lines need to be pulled up, which could in theory enable a malicious computer to still get some information in or out of it. USB data transmission works at at least 200mV difference between the data lines. It could be more than that. So you need to unlock it.
Apple, how about you just short your goddamn data lines too like everyone else? And while you're at it, get rid of this Lightning connector. I get it, micro USB was too hard for your users. I guess they are blind pigs after all. But USB-C solved all of that and more. The only difference I can think of is that the Lightning connector can be a single board with pads on either side on the connector, while in USB-C that could be at the socket end (socket being less common to be replaced). And at the end of the day, that really doesn't matter with all the other things that will break first.
Think Different. Think Retarded. Such tiny batteries and you can't even fucking charge them properly.6 -
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None, that's a hardware problem.
*badum tsss* -
Losing weight (in the particular - belly fat) has an adverse impact on my WFH experience :( I can no longer lay on my back with my legs bent and have my lappy rest on my belly comfortably...
I can't reach the touchpad any more as it's now hiding behind my ribcage :(
I didn't think this through. damn it!48 -
Should I actually look into getting a dev job..?
*I have a high school diploma (graduated three years early)
*College dropout (3-4 months, Computer Science - Personal Reasons)
*No prior work experience.
*Good textural communication skills, poor verbal communication skills.
*Currentally unemployed. (NEET :P)
*I have extensive personal experience with Java, and Python. Some Lua. Knowledge of data generation, parsing, Linux, Windows, Terminal(cmd & bash), & Encryption(Ciphers).
*Math, but very little algebra/geometry (though, could easily improve these).
*Work best under preasure.
Remote only.
Think anyone would hire me..?13 -
Published my first article on medium the other day, and today I got a private message from an editor, asking if I would be interested in posting to their publication 😁1
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"So I have this awesome app idea..."
Proceeds to tell me, "I'll be, like, the face of the company, and you can just focus on the tech stuff, in the background."
Chad called me ugly nerd, so I took his idea, got an investment from his own father, built the company, and sold it.
See Chad got a new job as a sales development rep
At the company I built and sold
Haha epic2 -
At what point can you say you are a programmer of a language? Is there an exact amount of lines of code carved in stone somewhere? I call myself a Python Programmer because even know I am self tought, I have been working with the language for years and I am very good with it. "Professional" level by some accounts, though I wouldn't go as far to say that myself. I have been working with Java a couple of weeks and it has been going very well, but I wouldn't call myself a Java programmer, but should I? At what point does one pass that line?
Idk.. Just a little shower thought for ya. What do you think?29 -
Has anyone felt the astonishing effect that is writing a whole bunch of test classes, hitting run for the first time and they all pass.
I'm kinda sitting here staring at my screen in disbelief, either these tests all passed, or I've really missed something and they passed anyway, or it's just a lying piece of shit trying to question my own abilities... all are possible right now.
And no, they are not " assert(1,1) "4 -
I am a fucking software developer and not an IT guy, I write code and if the fucking printer is not connecting, throw it out of the window, that's way better than calling me for help, because one day, I'll do that, and you'll regret...3
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I finally got to updating my old laptop when I saw a post about Ubuntu 18.04 being released. What do you guys think of it?
8 -
My react component is now over 1000 lines long and contains 28 state values. Go ahead and roast me. I deserve it.7
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1. I'm sick with a cold. I'm dying.
2. You know, it feels like some objects' destiny is bound to mine. Like this woolen shawl that over 15 years ago I used to use to keep my head warm in the heavy snow, then forgot it existed and now it resurfaced as I was talking to mom about my head being cold while having the cold.
3. If things go well, this shawl will come with me on my next trip. That is, if this cold doesn't make a stop in afterlife.
**achoo**20 -
Hmmmmmm i just got offered a position for a php developer........but something that was not listed in the original application was that it is expected of one to work with wordpress. My wordpress experience is limited to creating simple themes.
I don't like cms systems also. But the position pays really good.
What to do what to do hmmm9 -
I think my ISP has been a little sneaky cum gargler. Nothing wanted to stream properly for awhile now. When even youtube struggles shit is wrong.
Installed protonvpn now and by the power of some magical internet ball bag the internet came forth and is streaming at 720p no buffer even required and from a not so glorious server.
did they try to keep me blind? Not no more I have wiped that jizz off my face.4 -
Today:
Someone: OMGz I have a demo in an hour and I need X, Y, Z.
-at this point it's not a big ask-
Me: Ok there that's good.
Someone: Also A,B,C!!!
Me: Ok you need to tell me D, E, F...
-radio silence ... clock continues to click...-
ʅ（´◔౪◔）ʃ -
Part of me loves devRant for it's diverse community of awesome people doing varied and interesting projects. And their ability to support and learn from each other, or at least agree to disagree.
Another part of me wants to host an API with an isTwat call that allows you to find out if someone's a twat or not, with links to their offending comments and rants. Along with a website for easy Twact™ checking.3 -
i am actually exciting to go to work tommorow.
Thats weird.
Over the weekend the gf was away and it was quite boring, gaming didnt do the thing so i relaxed quite a lot but i am somewhat excited to continue to work tomorrow, to further my project. I was able to stop to do nothing at home, but still..its a bit weird3 -
Me: We have a new research project for you. We need you to test these 2 new services, see how they will fit into the new application, look at alternatives if necessary etc. At the end we need you to write a report with your findings, showing how you would integrate them to achieve X, Y and Z, and how much it would cost each month.
Dev: sounds good, I'll come back to you when I have it.
*2 and a half weeks later*
Document paragraph 1: The new language translation service doesn't support the languages we need.
Document paragraph 2: Here's my proposal for integrating the new language translation service.
*review*
Me: So I had a look at the doc and it says it doesn't support the languages.
Dev: yeah unfortunately not.
Me: Ok, so when you discovered that, why didn't you look for an alternative? Or come back to me and say it's not going to work.
Dev: I dunno, I thought you'd want to see the rest of the research first.
Me: ... not if we know for 100% undeniable fact that it will never function.
Dev: Ah ok, I didn't think of that. I'll do that next time, don't worry.
... aw how sweet, he thinks there will be a next time. Poor guy.2 -
Think twice code Once, if I had a cent for every time I've jump right into the code without a proper analysis or design just to notice that my whole implementation is not functional or scalable I'd be a millionare1
-
I received a call from my boss saying I was laid off while I was out.
Wait a minute... I actually just woke up... This was all a dream...
Wonder if it is a message from my subconscious though...
Anyone else dream they get fired?5 -
I always emphasize for our trainees to just ask if they need help or have any questions.
But damn, some of them just keep asking about everything! It almost feels like they don’t think to themselves at all..6 -
Simulation doesn't provide enough framerate?
Easy. Change gravity, weights, and steps in the simulation.
Welcome to your real world.
... I wonder if that's what God did. 🤔36 -
CNC finished...
Can't do anything else (level it and such) until I get new motors...
the steppers I ordered one month ago returned back to China, FUCKKKKKK
one more month waiting.
So many project ideas.... nothing concrete.
What should I do now? Did my BT controlled car, the CNC, ... Any ideas?9 -
WHY DOES GOOGLE CHROME CACHE THIS SHIT AND WON'T LOAD IT AGAIN. I THOUGHT I DIDN'T FIX THE BUG BUT GOOGLE CHROME IS THE BUG. THIS FLYING FUCK9
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Dude on reddit was hearing weird faint noises from his phone.
You'll never guess what he found out!
(Cant find source tho 😭)
2 -
This weekly is getting really popular with so many rants coming in.
Shows the extent to which real coders/programmers/developers are tormented by the incompetent education system.
Here is my two cents:
Students should be taught to build their logic on paper before jumping on to their keyboards.2 -
Had a legit argument with a manager about the text in a drop down menu. I argued that it should actually state what the option was for because I care about the user experience... Management wanted to conceal several business logic steps behind an unrelated option in the same menu because of a literal interpretation of the process and the client's request.
Interfaces should tell the user what is going on...2 -
After reading so many peoples rants about Wix ads, I have been asking myself, "Why in the fuck are people on here seeing Wix ads? What in the hell happened to their adblock?! Did their adblock quit? Is adblock missing? Why is no one concerned that adblock is missing?! We need milk cartons and a search party formed ASAP!"1
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Microsoft, do you even care what your shitty updates are doing or have you just given up?
Not only did the update start immediately after waking up from standby, it also had to brighten up my day by deleting everything afterwards.
Turns out the anniversary update gets confused by dual boot systems and then just deletes all partitions. And apparently they didn't manage to fix this for months now.
Can't wait for the coming "Creator's update", always wanted to see how an exploding PC looks.1 -
Why isn't this ready for testing yet?
Could it be that despite multiple meetings emails and face to face conversations none of you have provided me with what I actually need?
Yes I can create you new email and SMS campaigns. But I need two little things first.
1 The template text.
2 The sign off forms from compliance
Without them I can't do shit. So stop chasing me on where we're at because I've been chasing you on this for two weeks.
This shit here is why I'm the grumpy It guy. -
I need to rant about life decisions, and choosing a dev career probably too early. Not extremely development related, but it's the life of a developer.
TL;DR: I tried a new thing and that thing is now my thing. The new thing is way more work than my old thing but way more rewarding & exciting. Try new things.
I taught myself to program when I was a kid (11 or 12 years old), and since then I have always been absolutely sure that I wanted to be a games programmer. I took classes in high school and college with that aim, and chose a games programming degree. Everything was so simple, nail the degree, get a job programming something, and take the first games job that I could and go from there.
I have always had random side hobbies that I liked to teach myself, just like programming. And in uni I decided that I wanted to learn another language (natural, not programming) because growing up in England meant that I only learned English and was rarely exposed to anything else. The idea of knowing another fascinated me.
So I dabbled in a few different languages, tried to find a culture that seemed to fit my style and attitude to life and others, and eventually found myself learning Korean. That quickly became something I was doing every single day, and I decided I needed to go to Korea and see what life there could be like.
I found out that my university offered a free summer school program for a couple of weeks, all I had to pay for was the flights. So a few months later I was there and it was literally the best thing I'd done in my life to that point. I'd found two things that made me feel even better than the idea of becoming the games programmer I'd always wanted to be. Travelling and using my other language to communicate with people that I couldn't in English. At that point I was still just a beginner, but even the simple conversations with people who couldn't speak English felt awesome.
So when I returned home, I found that that trip had completely thrown a spanner into my life plan. All I could think about after that was improving my language skills and going back there for as long as possible. Who knows what to do.
I did exactly that. I studied harder than I'd ever studied for anything and left the next year to go and study in Korea, now with intermediate language skills, everyday conversations no longer being a problem at all.
Now I live here, I will be here for the next year and I have to return to England for one year to finish my degree. Then instead of having my simple plan of becoming a developer, I can think of nothing I want to do less than just stay in England doing the same job every day, nothing to do with language. I need to be at least travelling to Korea, and using my language skills in at least some way.
The current WIP plan is to take intensive language classes here (from next week, every single weekday), build awesome dev side projects and contribute to open source stuff. Then try to build a life of freelance translation/interpreting/language teaching and software development (maybe here, maybe Korea).
So the point of this rant is that before, I had a solid plan. Now I am sat in my bed in Korea writing this, thinking about how I have almost no idea how I'm going to build the life that I want. And yet somehow, the uncertainty makes this so much more exciting and fulfilling. There's a lot more worrying, planning and deciding to do. But I think the fact that I completely changed my life goals just through a small decision one day to satisfy a curiosity is a huge life lesson for me. And maybe reading this will help other people decide to just try doing something different for once, and see if your life plan holds up.
If it does, never stop trying new things. If it doesn't (like mine), then you now know that you've found something that you love as much as or even more that your plan before. Something that you might have lived your whole life never finding.
I don't expect many people to read this all, but writing it here has been very cathartic for me, and it's still a rant because now I have so much more work and planning to do. But it's the good kind of work.
Things aren't so simple now, but they're way more worth it.3 -
"The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim." - Edsger W. Dijkstra1
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Anyone noticed new Facebook logo? Relatable to new iphone launch......
Someone changed RGB to CMYK.....
keep going.....
1 -
36,000 penguins can't keep their chicks alive due to global warming… true Linux fans should be ashamed if they don't help2
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I'm going insane.
My colleague wanted to sort an excel spreadsheet and got an error. "Can't sort, column width must match" (or something along the lines) . Which basically means you got non uniformly merged cells.
Without telling me this, he asked for training on how to change column width precisely, after spending 30 minutes explaining he done just that. Column by column for all 40 columns he did just that. Resized to 10 of something (no one really knows what those width numbers in Microsoft Excel really mean) and try to sort.
I Shit you knot, he got the exact same error and flipped out angry at me for creating a shitty system (I think he spent an hour or two total with double and triple checking the sizes)
I did laugh because of this, but I do feel bad for not asking what was the real reason before all of this.1 -
I don't consider myself a guru in JavaScript (hell I studied theoretical chemistry), but I do hate much of the rationalization behind building a Jenga stack of libraries, frameworks, dependencies... for building everything web related.
Many of the problems I see people solving with these giant stacks could be easily solved understanding how websites work (html, css, js and how interact with each other) with no dependencies giving smaller (for end users at least) and more maintainable code (in the sense it would not require updating dependencies that may be discontinued...)
I do imagine situations where these are ideal... Since there are not absolutes and developing is very context sensitive, but man if I have js article fatigue for ridiculous scenarios.2 -
I think something's wrong with me... I just went on StackOverflow and answered questions for roughly 4 hours and it was a blast1
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I typically get constantly interrupted. It’s become part of my workflow. I wish I could work in silence a lot of the time.1
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Non technical Co-founder comes up with some batshit crazy idea and says it’s Agile because he thinks that means you’re not allowed to argue with it.
Dumb people are dumb.4 -
When I first started reading about Angular 4 I must admit I was a bit excited. It seemed like it fit the company enterprise requirements. The improvements it offered on paper looked quite good for our use case. HOWEVER... After writing Angular 4 for two weeks I'm seriously doubting I made the right decision. Testing is a dependency hell and there are two ways to build and structure your application. The webpack way and the SystemJS way. The grunt way and the angular-cli way. For fuck sake Google. And the documentation is somewhat half supporting one thing, half supporting another. So when you're using angular-cli with webpack, you're pretty much screwed when we're talking about documentation. It has now taken me almost 50 hours to write a pretty basic Angular app, made it compliant with our staging environment and writing a Makefile for it, since I haven't been able to find any same way to provide custom arguments when building it with the angular-cli --aot option. So fuck you Google. Luckily I've found a way to modularize it so much that I'll be able to reuse the core in the future. So I guess I got that thing going for me, which is nice... -.-' *sigh*
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Jesus, I'm SO fed up with this mindless application of CRUD. This application would literally be less than half its current size if we weren't implementing crud for fucking broken device reports and repair offers, stuff that should have many states, a create action strictly bound to a user type and view/field wise edit phases bound to a state-usertype pair.
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Really Mozilla... Putting more of my data online is going to make me more secure...
no...
Just fuck off with your incorrect marketing bullcrap or I'm going to switch to Basilisk full time!
8 -
I have a gitlab instance behind a reverse proxy at gitlab.mydoman.pizza (yeah my TLD is .pizza 😎🍕). I have a personal site hosted on GitHub pages. I have a CNAME record in GitHub repo pointing to mydomain.pizza. I have 4 A records on my domain registrar pointing to the GitHub pages server IP addresses. now both mydomain.pizza and myusername.github.io both go to my gitlab instance??¿¿ what the fuuuuuckkkkk?¿?¿1
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Just imagine sicknesses spreading through internet.
I mean real human sicknesses. Of course your laptop can’t generate aids, but hey, did you ever have a song stuck in your head, repeated infinitely? Memes, viral videos, modern pop music, it looks just like perfect delivery mechanisms.
Human brain is flawed and buggy, vulnerable to countless things like optical illusions, uncanny valley, nlp and others. It’s obvious that there is some audiovisual input sequence that may have arbitrary side effects.
We are towards invention of some precisely formed pieces of information that’ll damage your brain forever, maybe drive you insane so there’ll be no way back. Delivered via viral media straight to your brain, destroying it irreversibly.
Be ready to face the future.2 -
Startuppers, hold in there. We are going to fall one by one but remember our field is strong and full of opportunities.
The first domino has fallen at my place and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. -
When I go to sleep, driving my car, or when I am distracted with some hobbies my mind give me some ideas and motivation for doing programs and games.
Then I switch on my PC and my laziness come from holidays to fuck my projects and doing anything.
Idk why.
I need help? Or my life as programmer sucks? -
The only thing we can do is make a joke about the other bots that are not always in their own mind or if it's just an issue for them and then the other one ☝️ and then you don't get them in your mail to the right place for a long list of all that people you know you are not so far out and it's a joke that is why you haven't even paid for it and it's a lot easier for them but it's just like 👍 is not just the way of things like 👍 is the one ☝️ you don't have it on it but you can't even get the word for that one ☝️ or something that's what it looks it up 🆙 is it a lot better then it's not the one ☝️ thing that you don't have it on it or so you know it looks bad it's a joke it's a bad joke and you can't find a way you don't have a lot to me but I don't know 🤷♂️ or you want me to be like 👍 but you do not have any more than me I don't know 🤷♂️ but that's what I'm talking you know that I'm going through the whole time I'm going through the wrong 😑 thing I've been to you to see if this one ☝️ or I just want you to do something like 👍13
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You have a job for 7 days and you will get paid with 1 piece of gold per day. Problem is there's a block of gold made up of 7 pieces, and there is a knife that can cut it only twice. How would you solve this problem? Making sure the employee has the right amount of gold every day!
There are no tricks in the question like buying a new knife or whatever. There is a unique mathematical solution. Go!8 -
You know how we mock recruiters for not knowing anything...
I wonder if they have an app where they mock developers ... Probably not they'd need one of us to build it.1 -
Google bloody captcha.
It works fine, until you have more than one form on a page then the complexity increases by 100000%.
Finally my colleague gets it working then I read an article that says bots use Google own speech recognition service to defeat it. Fun times.3 -
User: "help pls! Cant login! Works on my notebook but not on the clients"
Me: "Sure. Have you tried entering your username and password?"
*finally resets password. Problem solved*
ASSHOLE -
"hey guys look at soeedtest beta!"
[looks at them with a smirk]
"Hey, you should try it!"
[Shows my custom speedtest instance]
Me: "I had this weeks before you guys caught with the flow"
yeah new speedtest is awesome but a custom speedtest is even more awesome3 -
Guys guys guys,
I'm looking to work in Australia,
Should I find a job then get a work visa, or get the visa, get into Australia, then look for a job.
Advice pleases12 -
Haskell is so funny like if you ask a function for some pizza, you get a bunch of pizza boxes back, and then when you want to put topping on the pizza you're like "hey can i like actually have the pizza now?", and then you realise you can't actually change the pizza so you make copies of them with the topping on.1
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I'm starting to FUCKing hate those 1-5 lines minified 3rdparty javascript snippets that everyone seems to be bombarding their website with.
Why on gods ungodly earth would you ever dream of injecting this kind of style into my <head> tag.
Without any warning whatsoever.
You couldn't be FUCKing bothered to be thinking about the consequences, before pushing such an update to your production server.
That's how you leave your users website broken, or ugly af.
I know it's an easy fix, simply remove the snippet that injects this crap, if only I was allowed to say "no don't keep this FUCKing crap" to the customer.
2 -
I wonder if Google released Flutter because they can't let Facebook have all the fun with react native. Or maybe they did it because they had fushia os in mind for a loooong time. Or maybe because they realized that the android api is overly complicated and the Dart way is easier. Or maybe they did it for the lolz.
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So to keep me going through the day I sometimes entertain myself by adding funny comments to my pull requests. I sit there giggling to myself like some sort of lunatic and the rest of the office probably think I'm a nutcase.
Todays gem was:
Added timeout to prevent hanging. Bet they wish they'd had this feature in the 16th century
Honestly I think my talents are wasted here...1 -
So it finally sunk in that now is not the time to develop a commercial app. I never did it because reasons (too lazy to explain it all), but I always wanted to and this time I was determined to do it, but it dawned on me that now is not the time. Right now I have to do well in college and learn as much as I can.
Sadly that sweet sweet passive income will have to wait, but I'm kinda excited. I have basically freed myself from the feeling of guilt of making slow progress on my project. No more of that voice in the back of my head "but I should be developing the project, not this random thing". Now I'll basically just try my hand at a fuck ton of stuff, see what I like, maybe get an internship with a teacher of mine, who knows.2 -
Am I the only one that feels like the Linux sound driver (alsa) have a more clean sound than the windows drivers? I'm a pianist (at least I'm playing the piano in my free time 😜) and I feel more comfortable with the sound on my Linux. (I use the same physical piano modeling software on both systems)2
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Opinions please.
I want to share a small model in my iOS app. Now on android I'd do with with ViewModelProviders, but on iOS I'm going with SharedDataContainer which is basically a singleton class that store key value data.
Is there any better approach? Data will not be bigger than 10 list items with guid (key) and int (value)
However; when I have big data I do cache on disk or hello OOM exceptions (or whatever they call that bitch on iOS) -
2 years ago I thought you had to make an if statement for every coordinate in a game to make the character move1
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This day is off to no good... :(
First l forget the ssh port to my mail server and now i realized that tomorrow is the last day the server is up. I need to add more credits but i literally have 2 cents on my bank account :(1 -
On a business trip. I brought my work laptop and my personal laptop with me. Because I am smart. But a lot of my coworkers only bring their work laptops. So I guess I am basically wondering how much porn has tainted the work laptops. Especially since they will auction them off around once a year. To be clear I am not wondering about the software taint.2
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It's been 3 days since I started my dev job and it's been pretty stressful. I could have posted at least 3, maybe 4 rants each day. Mainly about trivial bullshit that I let get to me.
Lets just say it came to a head today and that's when one of my bosses, who doesn't even really need to know who I am, decided to help me out. No reason why, just being kind.
I get home to find my other half had been making my lunch for me for tomorrow and had made dinner for me as a surprise. Didn't ask her to do it, she just did it out of the kindness of her heart.
It just made me realise that I'm actually surrounded by great people who I value a lot and appreciate more and more each day. -
NO! Use the description instead of the primary key because the key might change ................................................................................................................... vs the description .............................................................................................................. the key more likely .............................................. meh2
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Reading the internets in 2020, I've seen an increase in the usage of the term "Orwellian." It has led to many Inigo-Montoya moments.3
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good things i have a "sad" face. Project Leader or producer thinks i work really hard. They keep telling me "you look so tired today man. Have some fun"
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For a site selling a bluetooth controler for your mobile device, their mobile view of the site leaves a lot to be desired. http://www.gamesir.hk3
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I haven't ranted anything in 21 days. Life is getting boring. Same old bugs, idiot clients, implementing crud over and over,,
How to deal with this?4 -
I just love when I correct 20 little bugs, and always with that "Ah!! Of course!" feeling, before finding the little ';'...
😅😅 -
We have a custom made CMS, where you can use templates (previous designs). Most of the time I see these templates with Javascript/jQuery that looks like this...
Edit: There is an extra $ in front of the first (function($). So like this: $(function($)
6 -
Y'all have your rubber duck to debug, but I have my own technic: the SO debugging.
It simply consists as asking your question as you'd normally do, but while doing so, you still think about your issue, and how people not knowing your problem but still knowing about dev would react to your question, making you asking other related question (SO's related question might also help).
IMHO, the most important part is the "related" question, that helps you to think outside the box. It makes your problematic progress a lot, and has the gift of not making you loosing any hope ; and if you ever block for good, your question will look less silly than at the beginning -
"If you wanna study some real java shit, drink coffee and take laxatives"
~ Michael Quessenberry c.2017
2 -
One of the most difficult things to cope with in development is to stop, stay calm and think clearly when deadlines are breathing down your neck.4
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A lot of people are diving into web dev - true is the next big thing as native apps will soon become obsolete ...
But have you taught about web security.
They are few web security experts out there and sooner the global focus will be on user safety not just user experience.3 -
sometimes need to learn about how people thinking much more than computer do. like visualitaion your "magic" code with some people want.
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listenables, singable, crap = select(spotify.discover_weekly,out_loud,[])
for song in listenables:
if song.style == 'oldie':
print "Seriously Spotify? Do I look like I'm 65?"
time.sleep(5.0)
out_loud.append(song)
if song.style == 'cool':
time.sleep(2.0)
continue -
Never disturb a programmer in heat !
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.
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[RIP to all the lives lost in Uri and NYC.
this planet has no place for terrorism.]
1 -
Oh shit I've had way to much caffeine 🤤
Heart is full on racing I haven't had any for a few weeks and I just had 2 relentless... High caffeine energy drinks
Oh fuck.... Loud music and hype might help !?
Anyone? -
Me: Working on trying to salvage our shitty project
PM: EMAILS ARN'T BEING SENT FOR OUR TEST ENVIRONMENTS
Me: Ohkay.. Is it urgent? I fixed it last time.. Seems like the other devs broke it.
PM: YES WE NEED TO PASS ALL OUR TEST CASES ASAP
Me: Well maybe it should be failed if it keeps breaking all the time..
PM: SEND ME AN EMAIL WITH WHAT YOU CHECKED AND OVERNIGHT YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT WITH OUR TERRIBLE OFFSHORE TEAM
Me: uhm... Ok
Also me:
2 -
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can Ahh darn missing semi colon... I think I can I think I can!!
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Well, how i can start...
[Inspired on CipherSaber]
I wanna disguise arcfour as a game (board or virtual), give it for free to kids, and someday tell them the goverment has banned the game because it's basically undistingable from arcfour, and then i'll try to explain for them the crypto controversy, and i know i did my work well if at least one of them decides to write a letter to the goverment.
I mean, i clearly know this is so frigged up, but i wanna know if it could actually work. -
I've had an idea for a possible PR. Filtering out certain categories. I don't really want to see any joke/meme rants anymore, and filtering out other types may be helpful.2
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GWT... And you know what is worse than that... SmartGWT.
Combine it with a client in government sector in French speaking African country who has an iPhone for 'his testing' and wants site to show french text on IE6 and newer because it's a government project and that's where shit must run.
Those who created it, I appreciate their intentions. But, you write things in Java, compile it and then separate the UI part and backend part. And if something breaks, which happens in most of the cases, no you can't just right click and 'inspect element'. Because it is IE 7! Now you try it out again, compile it, place it separately and wish your luck, which also sucks most of the time.
...and yeah, don't forget to clean cache in browser. I remember the time when to refresh content on Facebook, I used to clean cache and then refresh.
I'm a backend developer now, shit still sucks, but at least a lot of things are logical. I have a very high respect for UI developer, I really do, especially those who develop for Internet explorer. -
Gonna start a tech blog next month. My problem is that I can't think of an interesting subject that can get me followers in the middle of this huge number of tech blogs. Any ideas would be very very appreciated. Thank you
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It's always fun to have to explain things like COPPA to a client and why we can't just use high school kids to test an app targeted at an older demographic anyway. Looking at thousands of dollars in fines per infraction if they use it without parental consent.
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