USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails

A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

My coworker left his Windows 10 system unlocked today.

Me:

1. Print screen on desktop
2. Saves the image
3. Sets image as wallpaper
4. Hides desktop icons
5. Changes taskbar alignment to the right and enables auto hide.
6. 🤣🤣🤣

In Europe, we use € instead of $ in jQuery.

try {
❤
} catch(e) {
🍺
}

Tinder experience so far

Girl: "hey, what do you do?"

Me: "im a programmer"

Girl:

Me: "and you?"

Girl:

Me: "... hello?"

*Suddenly unmatch*

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

Do we google better ?😂🙈

"Professor, my if loop isn't working!"
IF LOOP!?!?!?!! 😫🔫

Reading other people's rants.

She said YES 😍❤️😃

If a Pizza has the radius z and the height a, its volume consists of Pi*z*z*a!

Seriously....

My friend told me ++i and i++ are one and the same.

We aren't friends anymore.

This guy at my last internship. A windows fanboy to the fucking max!

He was saying how he'd never use anything related to Linus Torvalds because he hated him for creating Linux.

Two seconds later I saw him initializing a new git repo.

I was standing there like:

*should I tell him?*

😅😆

Doctor : what's your blood group?
Developer : coffee

HTML: Hate This Meaningless Life
CSS: Can't Style Shit
JS: Just Shit
Java: Just another vicious asshole
PHP: PHP Hates People
Go: (the "fuck yourself" is silent)
.NET: Now Everybody Thinks (they can code)

I really should find a more productive thing to do on my breaks.

Hahahha so accurate

Date a programmer. We break loops, not hearts.

Lets all help them share their startup

When all project dependencies can be installed using apt-get...

Mate got fired for expressing his opinion. Quit the next day :).

Person: I want to learn to code neural networks and cool AI stuff.

Me: Look into Python or Lua.

Person: Those are too hard, I'm going to use HTML instead.

I got out of there as fast as I could. 😅

To my full confident co worker, fuck you dumbass.

Had to debug an issue,

*ssh user@domain*
"some wild network connection issue"
*hmm weird.. *
*checks everything again*
*hmm seems alright.. *
*tries again*
*same damn error*
*ssh -v user@domain*
*syntax error thingy on the -v part*
😮
*messages co-worker asking what the fuck could be giving on*
"ey mate check your aliases 😂"
*alias"
"alias ssh="echo {insert network connection issue"*

*loud laughing from the co-worker I messaged*

MOTHERFUCKER 😆

my girlfriend knows how to work with linux based systems and she does not like apple products. She's the one!

Memories of my childhood.

Boss: we need high precision volume control
Me: say no more...

Always

Manager: Write a function to get tomorrow's date.

Kids:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
return getCurrentDate() + 1;
}

Legends:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
sleep(1000*60*60*24);
return getCurrentDate();
}