I once participated in a programming competition. We named our team "NameNotFoundException". Although we didn't win but a few days later we got a call from the organizing committee. They thought that there was something wrong with their system and wanted to know the name of our team. We laughed our asses off.

I'm pretty sure it was already posted in here, but I found it today

Did you get it?

While pushing on bitbucket

Boss: "I don't want to comply with the GDPR"

Me, DPO: "I've told you the house rules. You must comply, stop arguing"

Boss: "But I don't want it. Bobby doesn't have to, and Eve doesn't have to, their moms are cool"

Me: "I don't give a crap about the other kids, you're going to be GDPR compliant. Bob and Eve will end up being raped in prison. It's that what you want?"

Boss: "What if I just pretend to do it."

Me: "I'll take away all your marketing toys. No more mailchimp for you young man."

Boss, crying: "You wouldn't touch my Facebook pixel!"

Me: "Especially your Facebook pixel. I'm so sick of that thing...."

Me: "...Look, you can still play with your toys, all I'm saying is you need to be honest and ask your buddies for consent before you put your pixels up their various holes"

Boss: "But they will never agree!"

Me: "Maybe that is good thing"

Boss: "But how will we get people to like us if I can't feed them pills and insert probes into their holes to measure their responses?"

Me: "Maybe you should focus on being a nice kid, someone people like to play with. Your buddies will tell other kids that you're a nice guy. Now, I'm not going to lie to you, it will be hard work. Much more effort than what you're doing now. But you know, those friends will stick with you for decades, instead of just until the marketing-drugs wear off"

Boss: "I think I want a new mom"

Me: "You signed a contract. You're stuck with me for the next 2 years. And as long as you're living under my roof, you will follow my rules."

never wrote any unit tests

So I did a rookie mistake this week. Connected a webapp for a client using Nginx and installed the SSL cert for the site. I decided to activate the firewall of the server because hey security. All was well. Went home feeling like I am the shit.

Next day I find out I can't log in to the server over ssh. Only to find out that I had forgotten to allow SSH through the firewall.

I had basically locked myself out of the server. 😞

lol, kms.

You know it's the holidays when you go to your parents house for dinner and fix the router, your mom's phone, your dad's iPhone, the smart tv, your brothers email account reset, your grandmas prehistoric phone and then you go to your wife's family for dinner and you find yourself fixing her mom's iPhone, her dad's laptop her uncle's tablet, her cousin's ps4 and every freaking thing that connects to the Wi-Fi. Well, it's the holidays, at least there was food and drinks all around...Happy New Year everyone 🍷

Waiting for this day....

Hahahah :) alter ego

Aardwolf is very fun and i suggest y'all play it a bit if you're looking for better ways to slack off at work

$ telnet aardwolf.org 4000
*port 23 also works

when you check the commits to see who wrote shitty code

My new IT manager just asked what ssh is...

Well played google

EVERYTIME!!

buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

When you are pissed AF but somehow it manages to get through

Was that prod?

Now I feel like krillin

The real Russian roulette for server admins 😂

If y'all need a lil help with clients and conversating, here's my personal way of ending conversations. Just acknowledge it! (If all else fails, take things into consideration)

Friend: I hear that the most viewed youtube video ever is now despacito
> I acknowledge that
*conversation end*

Co-worker: I love my new shoes!
> I acknowledge that
*end*

Hot girl: hey sexy, you're looking fine today
> I acknowledge that
*end*

Client: hey could you add x?
> No
*end*

Sibling: you're adopted
> I acknowledge that
*end*

(Consideration example)
Windows: I will update
> I will take that into consideration
*end*

trogus: I will make a line of debugging ducks with capes with their respective language on it
dfox: I acknowledge that
*end*

Bus driver: sir please wake up the busses are closed
> I acknowledge that *sleeps*
*end*

Python: wrong amount of tabs/spaces
> I acknowledge that *uninstalls python*
*end*

devRant: you are running out of characters for this rant
> I ackno

"Your app is like an onion. The more you peel back, the more it makes you want to cry"

The hardest part of switching to another IDE is learning all the shortcuts :-(

Who is capable of?

A SQL clause walks into a bar, he sees two tables and asks: "can I join you?"

Agile development in a nutshell

This is like..... Spot on. 😂

Github stats:

coworker 1: 3,535k ++ 987k --
coworker 2: 1,563k ++ 735k --
etc.
me: 453k ++ 7,848k --

I guess this confirms my job at the company as "Backend Crap Remover".

“Git Pull Request is waste of time, commit directly to master!”

My situation: I got computer,router,phone,printer etc. all at one place

Now I decided to do some cable management...
I don't really know how to do cable management so I grabbed some duct tape ... This area now looks like this