As random as it could get,

Happy Birth Anniversary Floyd 😁

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives

Why the fucking fuck is it so damn hard for me to draw a fucking curly bracket?!

All my sad attempts at it look like a 3 that was exposed to lethal amounts of nuclear radiation

The only programming joke I know....
.
.
.
.
.
.
... is my code.

It's ctrl+CCCCCC and then ctrl+V

I just finished a meeting that had also been an email. You know how it went: boss just reading the email out loud

Someone, I have no idea who, commented on my personal project that he wanted to pick up one of the issues.

Then, he followed through and fixed it and sent a PR.

Feels good man.

Who agrees?

This sh*t ain't over, yet.

"Plz create these new users, thanks"

Plz suck my nuts and click on the fucking "new" button yourself

"Do you have enough bandwidth?"
"No."
*Passes me another project

Whats the entire point of asking in the first place?

A co-worker shared his wisdom with me today:
"It's okay for your job to be the side quest of your story, just don't forget the main quest"

And I'm left thinking, that's deep as shit, but if my track record in Skyrim is anyting to go by I'm fucked.

At least the easter holidays are coming up. Back to the main quest :D

Agile is a fancy word for we, the top Dawgs can change the requirements at any time and you dev peasants will have to deal with it.

That moment when you decide to look why Vim's regex rules are a bit inconsistent and find out this program has a setting called "very magic".

Today is a good day.

Fuck I'm getting old and it's hard for my eyes to tell the diff between ( and {.

"I keep complaining to you guys every day about this bug and nothing happens!"

Firstly, it ain't a bug. Secondly, you're not complaining, you're whining. Thirdly, complaining is a bloody limited resource. If you do it once a year, everyone's going to sit up and take notice. If you do it daily, it's just "Duncan having another moan", and the only thing anyone will do is play "what time of day will Duncan rant" sweepstakes.

One of those days where you're sitting in a customer meeting and you hear them talk and:

"I know that was all in English but nothing you said makes any sense based on what I know about your software, business processes, time, space ... anything in this universe"

Manager: so how long will feature A take?

Me: about a week.

Manager: and feature B?

Me: also a week.

Manager: how about C?

Me: another week

Manager: great! then we can finish the project in a week!

THAT'S NOT HOW MATH WORKS

A good project is a finished project.

Just discovered double tap upvotes a rant. :) Have a lovely day

Saw-ftware engineering horror movie concepts

After months of studying dynamic programming, I can finally say with confidence that I UNDERSTAND NOTHING.

Sometimes I wish I was a cow, eating grass in some field

No more code
No more stress
Just moo

Overcame Instagram addiction. Now addicted to LinkedIn, Twitter, GitHub and DevRant.

Don't use my idea.

Me (to Google): I need *this* WITHOUT *that*

Google: Okay, so you need *this* WITH *that* gotcha.

*SEO guy laughing at my misery*

Marketing: so we want it to behave like this website, so it'll have to have feature A, B, C and D.

Me: okay that might take a day or two.

Marketing: what? can't you just copy-paste the code from that website?

story of my life:

DO NOT MERGE

merged

Why doesn't google add url's you clicked on through google search to your url autocomplete?

ffs

The bad thing today: I killed my laptop with coffee.

The good thing today: it was my company laptop, not my private one.