This girl asked should she call me, I told her baby just wait, I'm a programmer I'll call you

My teammate used p tag and made it look like a button using css.

He has 10 years of web development experience.

If someone wants to violate my Facebook account he needs my password, the key I receive in my phone, and to know all the faces in my friendlist.
If someone wants to violate my bank account and spend all my money, he needs my password.

Me: Hey, Android, how do I do [abc]?

Android: Oh, that's actually quite easy! All you need is permissi..

Me: Oh, you know what, nevermind. I'd rather fuck an industrial fan.

Text your girlfriend "send nodes" and post her reaction

I got board and decided to make a weather app.

I have designed everything except the font which is Open Sans.

The app will be created on Electron and will be my first entry into that world.

It is currently in the design phase but thought it might be nice to share it's development with you guys.

I hope you like it and as always feedback is more than welcome.

Do you too - struggle sometimes to get it off?

App arrangement fun

Development time....

And I can't find the problem...

Is it just me or am I the only one who gets pissed if someone checks the expected result of a variable first?

For example:
if(true === $var)

Instead of:
if($var === true)

*can't find the bug after an hour of searching*
"This is impossible, this can't be my mistake"
*finds bug one minute later*
"Nevermind me"

At least once or twice a week!

@dfox Can we have the option to include code blocks in rants and comments? So that they're formatted as monospace text? I mean we can get around it with pictures, but it would be a nice option to include code with an appropriate font. =)

So, I got a paid internship and was tasked to create a game from scratch. They told me to start by creating an idea and so I started creating a Game Design Document with 40+ pages. Fuckin epic idea. The idea is presented to the boss. "Very good. But I want it to have multilayer" *Sigh* Substantial changes are made and I'm eager to start working on my masterpiece. Everybody wanted to see how it would turn out. 2 months into the internship I have to make a presentation to the boss. He tells me that I won't be able to accomplish anything in the limited time of the internship. They change my work completely and I am now part of the main team. Two weeks later I have another presentation. "You have been here for 2 months and this is what you have? This is you progress? You need to do better". A couple of days later I get an email stating that my performance was unsatisfactory and I won't get paid for those 2 months. Like, ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME! YOU TELL ME TO CHANGE EVERYTHING! 2 MONTHS OF MY LIFE OF HARD WORK WADTED FOR NOTHING! FUCK YOU! SO FUCKIN PISSED!

I have cool coworkers tho

Expert in NoSQL

Today I was hired to pentest a company's framework. While getting directions on what needs to be tested I counted 4times the sentence:
"We are a multi-awarded company for our security, virtually nothing gets past our firewalls".

Most of the PCs had Win98

Somewhere in that code there's a
"TODO learn regex"

Clients be like

We need support for code samples

Git push is now followed with a tab of GitHub.audio and waiting to see it show up and ping. I'm lonely.

My five-year-old daughter asked me to program her Android tablet today.

Daughter: Daddy, can you make my tablet do something?

Me: What do you want to make it do?

Daughter: I want it to get games for me. I want it to pick games I like and get the different games so I can play them after I get home from school.

My daughter asked me to implement:

1. At the least, a predictive algorithm to choose new games for her based on her likes and dislikes.

2. At the most, an adaptive artificial intelligence that will learn what games she likes to play.

Current specifications are unclear. Need revision.

When your cat knows how to get you

Client projects that never seem to end

Credit: https://reddit.com/r/...

Nothing makes me want to work on my own projects more than spending 40 hours a week trying to solve problems in the boring behemoth of legacy code that is my company's app. Doing everything myself seems downright peaceful in comparison.

"I didn't get the email. I checked my spam folder"

"Did you check your trunk folder? I've heard there's junk in your trunk"

Full-stack means "able to break all layers of the system"

One of those days where the code gets away from you and the zone is but a distant memory.

When none of your stuff is working properly and everyone keeps coming over to bug you

So tired of clients wasting time with "features or changes we absolutely have to have" but after researching planning and estimates "it's just not in the budget right now"