*i am a teenager*

*i don't have credit card*

*can't buy anything*

*sees unixstickers is $1*

*pulls out a dollar from physical wallet*

*throws in the air*

*cries*

The one arcade game that I could never beat

The best parts of being a developer:

1. Full Internet access and admin rights.
2. It's nearly impossible for someone to tell if you are working or just zoning out.
3. We have the best online communities... because we make all of them.

the best way to learn programming is not by just reading books and coding basic examples. it is to take up a project which seems impossible and start doing it piece by piece, with the help of Google and stack overflow

The 5 stages of debugging:

1. What?
2. Why?
3. How?
4. Impossible.
5. Oh.

Fuxk yeah! My code works! It's 2AM, I'm happy and there's no one around, so I wrote a poem :-P

What was once impossible,
Is now close to completion,
Thanks to my debug statements,
Which now await their deletion.

"Why is this taking so long?"

"Unforeseen complications"

"Why didn't you factor that in while estimating?"

"Because thats impossible, by definition."

This post is in memory of all the devRanters fallen in battle against management stress and impossible deadlines.

Let their memories remain, and their loss never be forgotten.

I kid you not, it's been impossible to find a rubber duck, so I had to make my own. Yes, his head is wonky, it's intentional, I wanted him to match me 😁

This is exactly what happens when your client ask for something impossible you you still have to find a hack

That moment when the development manager says "nothing is impossible"
And then starts to spend the whole day assigning the new tasks.

When your boss asks for a web application that has drag and drop, resize, popup, fade inand out, dynamic styling and mobile compatibility but must work on IE8
You feel like:
Mission: Go to the moon
Tools: Broom's stick
Yeah i'll just pretend to be a witch and fly away

That moment when the client is actually happy with your design. From the beginning.
And requests no changes.

Mission Impossible :D

Impossible to write code when you're in love.

"Difficult" takes a day.
"Impossible" takes a week.

Don't work late/during the weekend because someone else committed to an impossible deadline. Trust me. It's not worth it.

"Well, how hard could it be to do it in this impossible deadline?"

Well ... HOW ABOUT I STICK A LAMP POST UP YOUR ASS? HOW HARD COULD IT BE? YOU JUST STAY STILL AND I PUSH HARD ENOUGH, RIGHT?!

Our own company website. Everyone got involved, the process broke down, and because all of management and company owners were participating- it was nearly impossible to get anything done.

We are our own worst client.

I hope they make an anime about being a dev and the enemy is the deadline.

Dev: ill use this coding technique number 111

Deadline: impossible

Insert explosion effect here

So its not "Unable to connect to servers"

Its downright IMPOSSIBLE..

Okay 😑

Found this in my dad's house.

Looks as if he didn't used it.

Any one know how to install this somehow? (Even though it is impossible, probably)

"We decided to use RxJava while you were on holiday, as it basically makes it impossible to write bad code."

You what now?!

....

*Looks at code*

Bloody hell.

I wish the internet would drop support for emoji. Its fucking impossible to tell what anyone means anymore.

When I'm hearing the CEO promising new impossible features in the next 2 weeks.

Impossible!

A colleague once changed the double click timing in the mouse settings to the lowest. This made double click impossible.

Took some time to figure out, and way more to solve without double click :/

had a project manager who was heavily religious.

any time he would give me impossible deadlines and I explained why that cant be done he always said "god will find a way"

When you get an impossible deadline

OK. FUCK YOU REACT-ROUTER AND YOUR FUCKED UP "SHOULD BE STRAIGHT FORWARD" IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND DOCUMENTATION AND HALF BAKED EXAMPLES OF INCONSISTENT VERSIONS.
FUCK YOU WITH A TRUCK INSIDE YOUR BITCH ASS

I am roughly 12 hours away from a deadline that seemed pretty impossible.
I finally got everything to work, it seems I'm actually going to make it.
After so many hours of frustration, despair and walking in circles, it is finally fun again :)

As someone who uses both Windows and MacOS, it's fucking impossible to type {} or $ on the first try. EVERY DAMN TIME I DO IT WRONG!

While writing up this quarter's performance review, I re-read last quarter's goals, and found one my boss edited and added a minimum to: "Release more features that customers want and enjoy using, prioritized by product; minimum 4 product feature/bug tickets this quarter."

... they then proceeded to give me, not four+ product tickets, but: three security tickets (two of which are big projects), a frontend ticket that should have been assigned to the designer, and a slow query performance ticket -- on top of my existing security tickets from Q3.

How the fuck was I supposed to meet this requirement if I wasn't given any product tickets? What, finish the monster tickets in a week instead of a month or more each and beg for new product tickets from the product manager who refuses to even talk to me?

Fuck these people, seriously.

I am very happy that I found devRant. I work from home so ranting to other developers in person is impossible... thank you for filling that void.

Hey Root, we have a high priority ticket for you! It's adding some columns to a report. Should be simple. Details are in the ticket.

First: reports are some of the most boring, drool-inducing drudgery i have ever worked on.

Second: Specs for these reports are a nightmare since everything is ... very indirectly tested, and the specs are everywhere but where you'd expect them to be, so it's a lot of spelunking and trial/error. It's also slow as beans.

Anyway. The ticket's details are in ... not the worst engrish i've ever seen, but it's bad enough that i have no idea what they're asking despite (thus far) five attempts at deciphering it. There's also a numbered list of "fields" to add, so you'd think it would be straightforward. It is not. Half the list is crossed out, and half of the remaining items are feature requests (in yet more engrish), not columns to add. Also, one of the actual fields is impossible as the data it's asking for is not recorded anywhere.

yeah...

I cringe every time I see this person's name as the reporter because it's always the same. and honestly, there are more of these engrish people every month, and believe me: it isn't just a language barrier...

Ticket: Allow merchants to customize how their Wallet Passes look! It’ll be super easy, just add these nine merchant-modifiable strings (they support vars) and use their contents for text instead of what we use now. Simple!

Reality: There need to be 24 strings, there are some rules I can’t convey to the merchant (because the system literally does not include instructions, only a name and a textbox), the code to generate the wallet pass is inefficient, uncommented, branching spaghetti that I’ll need to rewrite (it seriously generates every possible field, and then only uses the ones it needs), the specs are so much worse, and half the default values they want aren’t even possible. As in, I don’t know if it’s a car loan, let alone the exact make and model of the bloody thing.

And no, sorry, we have no way of knowing what their fucking “vertical” is, either, so we can’t display that. Fucking sales.

Asdhkjfsjfads

WHY MUST EVERYTHING SUCK

DEAR FRONTEND CLIENTS

STOP ASKING ME TO DO THE GEOMETRICALLY IMPOSSIBLE

YOU PASSED FIRST GRADE YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW SHAPES WORK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

You ever just randomly blank on something super basic? Like something that has been drilled into your head since you started in development and should be impossible to forget? Anyway I just had to Google the newline character.

Hey boss, I see you working saturday 11pm updating these fucking cards...

That is why you manage to "do the impossible" , get a life dude... go be with your wife and "soon to be" kid.

Damn, no wonder he always says the deadline is possible.

Getting paid for doing nothing. Working only on my personal projects. Making a useless JS Framework that every company uses. Learning how to exit vim.

Okay, the last one may be kind of impossible.

Boss slides keyboard over to you during conference call. It's slightly crooked. Trying to punch in credentials without looking like a noob... impossible.

I was looking through old entries in my keepass, and I happened across this bit from when I worked in places that still had unix servers. I was so angry at the impossible input issues they had that I put this into my 'handy commands' section.

LinkedIn influencers being insufferable (impossible)

I wonder why there is a new JavaScript framework every 10 minutes. Could the issue be with the JS language itself?

Naaaaaaaah .... Impossible .....

Me, talking to a colleague:
"No, thats impossible. The problem can not be in my code. Let me show you why. You see, the code does this, and than it goes here, and then… oohhhh…. I’ve found the bug."

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair. " - Douglas Adams

Applies for Android Internship

Supervisor: Work with this Image Processing Library to "RECOGNIZE" objects from the phones camera.

Me: Wuuuuuh....?

Supervisor: Also it should be in real time and can't use internet.

Me: But that's impossible....

Supervisor: Align your goals with the company's goal. Nothing is impossible......(gets all motivational)

Me: 😩🔫

*can't find the bug after an hour of searching*
"This is impossible, this can't be my mistake"
*finds bug one minute later*
"Nevermind me"

At least once or twice a week!

Fucking stupid bitch comes to me at 7 pm and asks an impossible task and after I clearly explain and say that I don't know how I gonna do it she asks it for early tomorrow...

Yeah, keep waiting...

Opensourcing is great
getting other people involved is difficult
Doing a group project with volunteers is impossible.

Management: Create [totally idiotic and complicated feature, near to impossible to create]
Me: that's close to impossible and could probably destroy some other parts of the application.
Management: well, then your application is poorly programmed.

DAFUQ? HOW DARE TO JUDGE THE QUALITY OF MY CODE WITHOUT EVEN ABLE TO READ 2 LINES OF CSS? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS?

I'm really not easily offended but this sentence hit really hard.

Programming challenges:

Easy: Hello World!
Medium: Matrix multiplication
Hard: Artificial intelligence
Impossible: Coming up with meaningful names for variables and scripts...

Me: We have a bug, we are not sure what's really happening yet. We have to look into it.

Project manager: what's happening

Me: We dont know yet

Project manager: How much time will it take to fix it

Me: We dont kn... actually *quick maths* unknown multiplied by "I dont know" divided by logic and addition of past experience - how many times we cant put time on bugs multiplied by we have been here before subtracted by the sqaure root of can we have time to investigate first?

Me: ....mhh an hour or so (then I remember Harry Potter wasnt my classmate) oh actually 2 hrs (in my head, safer)

Bug takes 2 days to solve 🙃

Project manager: you said 2hrs

Me to myself: I said it's a bug. A damn bug.

When tv series/movies have "coding scenes" and they do impossible things within seconds. (I'm watching last season of the 100... My god...)

"Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Mr Spock

Dates are f***ing annoying, we humans deal with them in such a weird way. It's almost impossible to define a algorithm dealing with them consistently.

People: Uhhhhh CSS is such a bad language it's impossible to maintain it, the cascade is stupid
Also people:

"Impossible deadline experience?"

When product owners promise delivery dates.

One day, I came back from a two weeks holiday, relaxed. I noticed a teammate missing. "Yes, he took the week off". Sure, why not.

We were working under a bastardized enterprisey version of Scrum (didn't we all at some point?). So we didn't just have a product owner, we had three and an additional "Head of PO". Because enterprises can't live without hierarchies or something. Barely an hour after I came into office, she entered the room and came straight to me. "Your coworker was almost done implementing feature X. You need to finish it immediately. No worries, though, coworker said the rest is a piece of cake".

It wasn't. There was *a lot* left to do, the JIRA task wasn't entirely clear, and the existing code for the feature was so-so (obviously WIP code). I estimated two weeks for the implementation, plus some time to clarify the requirements. When telling "Head of PO" she lost her shit. Screaming things like "this feature is due the end of this week" and "I signed this with my blood!". Well, I didn't, and I made it clear that I hadn't been consulted on this, thus I would not accept any blame in case we missed the deadline.

So I gave my best that week, getting pestered by "Head of PO" all the time. "Is it done yet?", "why does it take so long?" and "your coworker would've been done by now!". Yeah fuck you, too. Not only was I not relaxed any more, I was even more stressed than before my holiday! Thanks, you stupid bitch.

Well, her arbitrary deadline came and the feature wasn't ready. And what happened was... exactly nothing. The following week my coworker returned, who gave me an apologetic smile. "I told her the feature was nowhere finished. And even me, being familiar with the task, couldn't make it in time". We finished the feature together that week, and that was the end of it. So... "Head of PO" either didn't listen or lied to me. She then stressed me to the max right from the day I came back from my holiday. And in the end it didn't even matter.

Again, thanks you stupid bitch, for creating a toxic work environment. Should you ever read this, I'm happy I quit and I hope you miss every single deadline for the rest of your life. Screw you.

People at Apple must have put an enormous amount of time and effort into the development of iOS 11. It's impossible to make an OS so fucking buggy and shitty as 11 without spending a lot of time on it to purposely make it crap.

Programmers nowadays have to...
… write 100%-covering unit tests;
… set up continuous integration, linters, hinters, style checkers, …;
… follow style guides for every language;
… meet impossible deadlines;
… meet impossible management/customer/end user expectations;
… read through terrible code others made;
… read through terrible documentation others made;
… make terrible documentation themselves;
… fight with the IDE;
… fight with the build tools;
… deal with unreproducible crash reports coming in from everywhere;
… debug code written at 2am (by themselves AND others);
…
…
…
… KNOW HOW TO PROGRAM.

Man I really wish I knew how to implement TDD. Sounds so good in theory, seems impossible in practice 😅

When AI steal all the dev jobs, I will become upper management and do my best to confuse them by demanding they implement impossible things like 7 straight, red lines that are all perpendicular to eachother, and that are all blue.

What idiot decided to translate the Excel-formulas?! It's impossible to follow an example you find online or to get help on a complex formula without translating it to English first! (Yes, I know there are online translators out there, but still!)

You've got to be kidding?

People who write ridiculous JS variable names that are impossible to understand or are just unreadable!! WTF!! Don't tell me it's to save bytes because its getting minified anyway. You're just fucking lazy.

"It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure to BASIC. As potential programmers, they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration." - E. W. Dijkstra

Nobody solved this super complicated cryptography puzzle last time. I guess I have created an unsolvable mystery of epic proportions. Anyway, if you wanna give it a try, go ahead:

b417021dc01b409ad0c21b430a508624

Answer is a sentence in plain english. Space is used, but no punctuation. Post answer to comments. Good luck :D

Today is my birthday and my company as a present will make me work on disgusting legacy code, stored procedures, impossible to debug and convoluted as fuck.
And everything needs to be released yesterday...
Happy birthday motherfucker.

So I joined this financial institution back in Nov. Selling themselves as looking for a developer to code micro-services for a Spring based project and deploying on Cloud. I packed my stuff, drove and moved to the big city 3500 km away. New start in life I thought!
Turns out that micro-services code is an old outdated 20 year old JBoss code, that was ported over to Spring 10 years ago, then let to rot and fester into a giant undocumented Spaghetti code. Microservices? Forget about that. And whats worse? This code is responsible for processing thousands of transactions every month and is currently deployed in PROD. Now its your responsibility and now you have to get new features complied on the damn thing. Whats even worse? They made 4 replicas of that project with different functionalities and now you're responsible for all. Ma'am, this project needs serious refactoring, if not a total redesign/build. Nope! Not doing this! Now go work at it.
It took me 2-3 months just to wrap my mind around this thing and implement some form of working unit tests. I have to work on all that code base by myself and deliver all by myself! naturally, I was delayed in my delivery but I finally managed to deliver.
Time for relief I thought! I wont be looking at this for a while. So they assign me the next project: Automate environment sync between PROD and QA server that is manually done so far. Easy beans right? And surely enough, the automation process is simple and straightforward...except it isnt! Why? Because I am not allowed access to the user Ids and 3rd party software used in the sync process. Database and Data WareHouse data manipulation part is same story too. I ask for access and I get denied over and over again. I try to think of workarounds and I managed to do two using jenkins pipeline and local scripts. But those processes that need 3rd party software access? I cannot do anything! How am I supposed to automate job schedule import on autosys when I DONT HAVE ACCESS!! But noo! I must think of plan B! There is no plan B! Rather than thinking of workarounds, how about getting your access privileges right and get it right the first time!!
They pay relatively well but damn, you will lose your sanity as a programmer.
God, oh god, please bless me with a better job soon so I can escape this programming hell hole.
I will never work in finance again. I don't recommend it, unless you're on the tail end of your career and you want something stable & don't give a damn about proper software engineering principles anymore.

Fucking hell. Falling asleep is literally the hardest thing I can imagine. And I have to do it every fucking day

My boss just gave me a task that Stack Overflow tells me is impossible. He's a senior architect.

-__-

This is fucking rediculous.

A client wanted me to make them a image download resistant galary.
They said they had seen some other site that is "impossible" to download pictures from. This just is not true, they were overlaying transparent images over the images.

Two days after I do that, set up everything on their server, and disable hotlinking in their CloudFlare, without being contacted at all, I've received a not-as-described PayPal dispute.

They said someone downloaded their picture and that I said it would be impossible.

How is this possible? The fuck PayPal? I'm going to lose this damn dispute which was gonna pay half of my rent.

About every project at my last job. Impossible to like any project with a boss that legitimately thinks frames and tables are a better option than learning css.

But why not, attribute styling on html-elements are the future indeed.

Every deadline is impossible if you procrastinate it enough..

It’s so fucking ridiculous that business people that knows jack shit about programming are the ones that promise features within a specific impossible deadlines to the customers

What if an evil AI is sitting on top of blockchain ??🤔
It would be impossible to shutdown ?
virtual terminator !!!

My new favourite quote...

"I can't be the only one worried about the deadline"

By boss speakign ot my team who is expected to deliver 6-8 months worth of work in 5 weeks time...

Too bad he does not know he IS the only one worried, when you going to miss a deadline by that much when you never agreed to it in the first place, have not seen a single API and the scope is still actively changing and lets not forget we have no DevOps yet...
why the fuck would you worry...

Maybe i should just stop giving a fck and purposefully miss deadlines that seem impossible.

I hate fucking people that commit into repository all libraries and modules under node_modules or vendor/gems making impossible to search examples on github.

I always hear "its impossible to talk to tech people, its like they're from another planet". Well get used to it, cuz the nerds shall inherit the earth!!

so... 9 years ago we had this super awesome codebase. 1 file, complete logic COPIED to be used in ui and service/daemon. I scrolled to the middle of the file and there was no source. it was out of bounds of my monitor to the right because of nested ifs. ok... what the fuck!! the worst part: I had to implement a new FEATURE into this mess. 2 days. I said it would not work as expected because the feature was not thought through. but project said let's gooooo! ok there I was, a junior with an impossible to implement feature and a codebase from hell. I've implemented something, all night long. next day it was the problem of the consultants. they called me, I told them why it's impossible that this would ever work, they understood and talked to the customer. he accepted the solution. WTF?! anyway, in those days I thought about quitting developing software as my daily job....

I just had a professor unironically ask why students are stressed all the time. Education has changed. The insane assessments and workload make a healthy work-life balance impossible. There's no love of learning when the pace is shoved down your throat.

When it feels impossible to get your javascript callback to happen at the right time, so you just throw the callback somewhere just so it works, but you know that it's not the ideal spot for it... 😡😡😡

🖕💻

It always seems impossible until it's done.

My biggest obstacle? Stupidity, laziness, willfull ignorance, procrastination.

Sometimes my teammates are the ones guilty of these things too. That, and impossible timetables, but that's par for the course for pretty much all of us.

Freelancers should be considered genies at this point.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity... It's impossible to put down

That feeling when you have found an impossible to find bug after digging in and you attempt a fix as soon as you find it and the first 1 fixes everything

Me: I think our customer should have to specify this thing.

Someone else: Let's do what we can to be really flexible for them.

Me Later: Yeah well our super flexibility now makes these queries they want impossible .....

I'm very tired of these impossible deadlines, it feels like as soon as one project finish, we have to rush to finish the other.
I should take some holidays.

I hate it when I brainstorm for 4 hours straight and the only good idea I come up with is something impossible to by a one-man.

Dream project: mathematically proven secure OS. It would take forever, and be nearly impossible, but given enough time it is theoretically possible.

Maybe time to implement a dupe-check making it impossible to post the same joke/meme more than x times in a 3 month period? Sorry guys but some jokes are just getting very repetitive..

Battling impossible project deadlines and maintaining a work life balance. Estimating projects properly.

It's technically impossible for this update not to fuck everything up.

Oh, I use Arch Linux btw.

I hate arbitrary deadlines.
Cocksuckers just pull them out of thin air and force me to give estimates about tasks that are impossible to give an estimate on.
(Spoiler: The tasks are the problem and need to be split and analyzed)

First experience with Android: our professor of Software Engineering gave us a project about building an app for University indoor geolocation using BLE beacons.
Just found out that only a few PhD-level dudes did such a thing with much fewer good results.
Sounds like when your average-hedidnotrealizedwhataprogrammeris-friend asks you if you are able to hack Google Chrome.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Opportunity. That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!

When the PM says we can add an impossible feature...

Finding a dev job in a suburban area is near impossible I swear

!rant

I think the auto driving cars are going to be an all or nothing system to work. Either everybody has one or it'll be near impossible to have it.

Your thoughts, comments, concerns?

I mean, impossible for who? For someone working 9-5 without procrastination, sure there are.
I have been a student and a procrastinator most of my life, so yeah, a 40 hour week's work is possible in two days with minimum sleep.
Also done massive projects in a week's time. If you know what you're doing, it's not that impossible.

Although, I find working with others almost impossible in some occasions, specially where you don't see eye to eye despite however much you try. (time-wise, speaking)

Impossible changes become possible.

"Let's make it almost impossible to test on our mobile devices."
- Apple

- Pigs flying
- Rats singing opera
- Donald Tump not being a bigot
- Our remote office staff having a clue

... all things I have accepted that are impossible

A good manager is like a unicorn

Fun fact: earning a free devDuck now is virtually impossible.

What I say:
I understand computers.
What others understand:
I am the god of Computers I understand every Language that ist out There and what I cant solve is impossible...

I can't login ffs
I don't care that it shows an impossible number of characters honestly, but I don't get why that should prevent me from logging in to any of these servers

For that matter, why the fuck is number of characters a signed int?

She : Bring the stars for me.
He : Are you mad? How can i even do that? Impossible, ask something else.
She : Stop writing Codes.
He : Ok, How many stars you need?

Unicode's biggest problem is that it isn't a streamable format. Given a section of a Unicode string, it's impossible to assert that the next character won't be an accent or zwj or other modifier. This means that it's impossible to convert stdin into an iterator over canonicalized Unicode graphemes.

Wen your project manager promises the deliverables in an impossible order....

Client: we want to double conversions and Facebook likes by end of year.

Dev: (internal: this is impossible) So what's the plan?

Client: *blank stare* ...

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

Why the fuck would you decide to make it virtually impossible to just deactivate Windows Defender in 20H2? This is so incredibly stupid!

FUCK YOU TECH LEAD! Our manager explained what he wanted 4 MONTHS AGO! You said we could do it! We can do it! You suddenly changed your mind, instead of asking me WHO IS WORKING ON THE PARTS REQUIRED TO DO THE MAGIC! MAYBE I WOULD KNOW IF IT IS POSSIBLE OR NOT??? MAYBE??? NOW I HAVE TO GO FIGHT YOU, YOUR EGO WILL SAY YOU ARE RIGHT, YOU WONT BACK DOWN, AND WE WILL SCREAM AT EACH OTHER! FUCK, RUINING MY 4 DAY WEEKEND RELAXATION! AND IN FRONT OF THE BOSS!!! FUCK

So you know those motivating moments, when you are asked by a junior dev 'cause his task is impossible to solve and you take 3 minutes to say it's done?
Well. Juniors are still learning.
BUT WHY CANT YOU USE DOCS AND GOOGLE?????

Just had a bug reported that only happens in Chrome. Works in IE and Safari. This is going to be an impossible bug to squash.

Im trying to fix a sass build in my current project and it’s just hell. I got 65k lines of output and 2 errors. Where those errors are coming from is impossible to find out since the terminal only displays 10k lines. Aaargh i’ve tried everything!

LaTeX is all fun and cool and awesome until you encounter a stupid formatting issue that is impossible to fucking fix in a sensible amount of time.

Me: This software is so expensive!! I don’t have that kind of money!

Friend: Yeah I know, and it’s pretty much impossible to pirate! *awkward laugh* Not that I would know...

😂

I want to quit. I don’t feel like writing code anymore. I feel burnt out. As fuck. People keep changing requirements leaving me to do the impossible. And honestly do their dirty work.

My god, using a VM on a 4k monitor is fucking nuts. The cursor's a fucking speck and the text is tiny as well. Jesus, XP is impossible to use like that!

Describe one instance when you thought, "Fuck this shit, I'm done with this client". Preferably when the client came up with stupid/impossible requirements

Eclipse be driving me nuts. Fuck the guy who made this project impossible to move to IntelliJ

A personal AI assistant. Something like Jarvis from Iron Man.

Learned pretty quickly that it is very close to impossible without the resources of the largest corporation in the world. So I've given up.

Trying to get gcc and make onto a 3DS is nigh impossible as my x64 PC won't let me cross-compile and the only ARM device I have is a Pi Zero, but it runs out of memory mid-compile... fml.

"Nothing’s impossible. " - The Doorknob (Alice In Wonderland)

I cant believe its impossible to find a dev job even with a computer science degree. What have I wasted 6 years of my life for then if no one values a degree? Fuck you

Lifetime specifiers.
I think it's impossible to make them look even more confusing.

I ask myself whether there is a connection between people proudly proclaiming they don't need to get a decent education and people posting rants about being impossible to get their projects to work and have to trace down bug all the time.

Documentation for all our projects within a few hours is really impossible, thank you project manager.

This guy is supposed to be a senior dev, he is supposed to have worked 30+ year on this field.

This 🦧 still doesn't know how to read the Doc. I swear he spent the whole day renting about how things are impossible to do.

Last Time setting up a python virtualEnv was an impossible task for him

Devrant making responding to someone impossible by removing draft content if you accidentally click outside the editor is almost more frustrating than half the shit I actually rant about.

I will have just about finished a long response when something happens and it's all fucking gone.

How much arguments you need to change your opinion?

Once I was lead developer, new guy came and he was impossible in his quest to be right. We would argue for three hours, while time passed away. Every day arguments over slack...

Is it me or is impossible to upload images in the rants?
I got a server error.

@dfox

Work just keeps surprising me and giving me wtf moments. They want me to finish a course in 1/10th of the time that the industry recommends just because they don't have budget for more time. I'm quite pissed off. Now I have to work 700% faster. Let's do this shit. lol

When I'm given the "impossible" bug

never before have I been happy to be asked to work overtime, but for once, fuck yeah...

Bit of back story, I am tech lead on a massive project that has been run like a complete shit show, the PM who also happens to be the brains behind the project seems to think we are miracle workers and for the first 9/10 months of the project would make significant, like delete a weeks worth of code and start over changes, 3-5 times per week. There are features for the v1 release that have been built in excess of 5 times. I have been saying since October that even without all his constant changes, we will NOT make the deadline, and naturally as is part of my job I argued against every unnecessary feature he tried to implement, eventually he pulled me into a meeting to tell me how much he values my opinion, I need to stop arguing with him and he does not want to work with yes men (I have a rant about that convo already).

I believe our CEO finally started smelling a rat as he insisted on joining our daily stand-ups, during which said PM scripted some lovely stories to disguise the fuckup we are in, and since has assigned another PM to take over and do proper project management and risk analysis.

That is where the email comes in, a lot of the work assigned to me will miss the deadline by a month, honestly I am impressed that it is by so little and so few people will not be missing it, but anyway, he probably spun a few stories there too.

So I spent part of the work compiling the most perfect surgical response as not not actively throw him under the bu, but create a quite a few questions that they hopefully as, as himself and the CEO where cc'd into the mail.

And the jist is, the deadline itself was still impossible and 8 of the 10 tasks assigned to be have ZERO back-end whatsoever, and those tasks are about 80/90% integration to said non-existent back-end, some of those services and data structures have not even been planned yet and we are a week past the deadline and 3 weeks from the just as useless extension.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

Boss comes, asks that I make a function in the site. Tell him it's impossible / forbidden, he says okay and goes back. Comes back a week later, asks for the exact same function he asked earlier.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Opportunity. That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!

think I'm coming to the realization that you gotta have impossible goals

ones you regularly try to work towards, preferably obsessively

because then it trains your spirit

and everything else in life becomes a cakewalk by comparison

which is the true gift of the whole ordeal

maybe that's where all that rhetoric about "working towards something greater than yourself" came from but it got warped by exploitative parties 🤔

F'ing bugs you find months after deploy that are so big it shouldn't have been missed, yet somehow dozens of eyes missed it.

Damn code gremlins

being backend developer, it is impossible to show progress :'( for ever request you make, you have to create api, validate the stuff, check for every backdoor and then their is output

It's 8PM and I've been working since 8AM straight. Needless to say my hands kinda hurt already.

Fuck who ever put the `hosts` file in that path WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE TO REMEMBER!

and then fuck who put the httpd-vhosts.conf in a totally different path that is impossible to remember!

CSS! after days thinking about this and using chrome dev tools to find the magic numbers ( thank arrow keys) i finally made this thing responsive. The magic is in 53px. Thanks to javascript i also did what seemed almost impossible for me in CSS. Phew!!!

The society evolution in a nutshell is

What’s been possible seems impossible
What’s been edible seems incredible

GraphQL: making the impossible stuff hard, and the easy stuff impossible … 🤦

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Opportunity. That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!

So many idiots ask nonsensical questions on SO they could answer on their own if they bothered to read the fucking docs.
As if that wasn't enough, they redact their questions in a way that makes it nearly impossible to decipher what they want.

WE REACHED IMPOSSIBLE PERCENTAGE

Do you know how hard it is to find a safe, virus free YouTube downloader that actually works? Very hard. How about one that downloads a whole playlist? Impossible.

Getting into things that seem close to impossible.
Then I learn about new things to get the impossible possible. 😎🤓
Ya that's how I roll.

3 weeks till deadline... Gonna be hard. Get in find emails from PM, boss and his boss, deadline moved deadline today... Ffs.

Business people are so fucking stupid. What is their job really, other than asking us to fill out bullshit paperwork and make up requirements that are either impossible or unnecessary.

Whiskey and a project that uses it with an impossible deadline.

New management asked us to do an impossible task at work. Launching a campaign with no planning and destined for an absolute disaster. Being me and how I never approved of the new management, I blew up. Guess they will either start paying me better or kick me out.

P.s. they can't function without me. At all. Literally. Impossible. Becayse I am the only one who bothered to join their team. They begged me. Because they know they're useless. And after 25 years. Their ship is literally gonna sink within a year if I leave.

So we have this new vp guy, and a team in US and another in india

The vp asked me to finish one task by tonight 11pm, and if I need help with the India team's code, call a guy there to help debug

After some debugging with that dev, he replies with:
The code won't work because we haven't implemented it yet

.........

Yo, what the hell is wrong with people

How am I supposed to finish a task that isn't even implemented, and why pushing so much to have it done, wtf I'm so confused with this

Every week a new headache like this, but this was laughable, in two weeks I start a new job 😂

Today the impossible happened. Windows 10 refused to update! Clicked "Update and reboot" .. aand.. Nothing! It's like christmas in November.

A big old Fuck off to Instagram posts saying 'comment "AWESOME" word by word in the comment section, its impossible'
How do these even get suggested when I don't even like any of their posts, their ML is bad.

Master Javascript from A to Z.

Naah just kidding we all know that's impossible, I'll buy google instead.

SCP-1776
Object Class: Safe
Description: It is impossible to read this without that characteristic southern accent

I dunno how this happened, but this browser in VisualWorks decided to crash for like no reason (it wasn't even running the app), and is impossible to close. At all. Like there is only one process.

Why, Smalltalk, why?

!rant

I find IT to be an amazing field. There are so many parts to it that take tremendous dedication to fully understand, yet, each part works together.

Teams of people dedicated their entire life to software development, which would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to the development of operating systems. That would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to integrating hardware and software. That again would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to electrical engineering.

I know I missed tons of subfields that link everything together, but just the massive amount of dedication and teamwork to make something as simple as a console application work properly is amazing. I wish I could understand it all and I hope everything will always be as easily accessible my entire life as it is now.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Opportunity. That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!

Implementing tons of ridiculous/almost impossible features you disagree with cause you're just a powerless employee who needs the job..

You still do it anyway.

so looks like going straight is still most impossible way to go

I just want to use Jest to unit test my Typescript classes, but that appears to be impossible!
Testing the compiled Javascript instead doesn't seem to recognize any classname at all :(

Easily machine learning. A lot of stuff thst was bevore thought to be impossible or just plain was to hard suddenly gets reachable. My fav example is the dota ai. Just love it

Had a Long discussion with stake owners and PM. Ended in despair over corporate guidelines and impossible demands from the board / CEO.
PM finally said: Fuckit, let's get a beer, i'm buying.
Best day so far this week.

When the project manager gives you work then sods off to a meeting. You review the work and only been given half the info you need and impossible to complete. They then come back from the meeting and kick off it's not done!!!

My Office Sucks. They give me impossible deadlines, and never properly test my code. And when it breaks in the production, they blame me.

"Technology makes what was once impossible possible. Design makes it real." - Michael Gagliano

Motherfucking piece of shit tensorflow, I fucking hate this piece of trash API fucking impossible to fucking use

In startup we never say impossible; instead we say done by Q4

"Ideal" online banking:
1. Force users to change passwords often.
2. Implement possibility to login if forgot password.
3. Make it impossible to chage password if forgot one.

Man, I hate project managers who demand a near 100% SLA, but want the project to run off of a single physical server. Like. Sure, buddy, and when a stick of ram dies, or there's a 10.0 CVE released of the kernel, then how do we keep the machine running.

Some people, ugh

Doing the impossible...

.work-life-balance {
display: flex;
}

I hate websites like upwork and freelancer, its impossible to outbid the other applicants while maintaining a price that makes the work worth the trouble. Yet without them its impossible to find clients who are willing to pay $1k for anything no matter how big of a project it is, they keep looking for $200 solutions. Hows a developer supposed to raise some cash for a house and shit like that.

My first exposure to computers was my mom’s Commodore 64 when I was a kid. I used to love playing “Impossible Mission” and “Way Out” on there. Eventually I started programming in Basic on it.

PHP would say:

I am easy to get, expensive to maintain, frustrating to live with, and impossible to get rid off.

Why the fuck does my swipe back action gives a ++ on some posts?
Trying to undo it is impossible. The post will go from 15 to 16 and when I vote down, it goes to 14!!!!!

When dealing with people that think the IT helpdesk solves all problems with custom software they didn't build or use.. and the helpdesk of the software sucks (long waiting times, almost impossible to get the right guy,..)

It's freaking impossible to debug when the application window places itself on top of Visual Studio and can't be moved :(

Impossible to function properly on a monday morning without coffee....

Irrational Programmer's Response to Problems - "I tried, if I couldn't find a solution to it, then it's impossible."

Show me how you made an http server with an arduino nano and an esp8266 via AT commands from the arduino, the arduino handling the clients.

No you didn't, this shit is fucking impossible.

"Write a tech tutorial without explaining something via a fucking stupid as hell analogy" challenge IMPOSSIBLE.

A friend just asked his colleagues why IntelliJ can't do reverse debugging and was told that it's impossible. It's not impossible, gdb does it, pdb does it. Probably other debuggers do it too.

Why do many devs believe that if they haven't heard of something, it doesn't exist?

under alco it is impossible to code. not can not want. fuck work, me party.

Being in a meeting my colleagues "caused" by not meeting an impossible deadline for a project I wasn't assigned to...

I just sat there not being able to say anything because I didn't know what the hell was going on....

Man, fuck JavaScript. It's been basically impossible getting this JSON file to get parsed 😠

Can (a ==1 && a==2 && a==3) Ever Evaluate to 'true'? Possible or Impossible ?

Anyone else's stomach just absolutely REJECT that beyond or impossible meat?