*i am a teenager*

*i don't have credit card*

*can't buy anything*

*sees unixstickers is $1*

*pulls out a dollar from physical wallet*

*throws in the air*

*cries*

The one arcade game that I could never beat

The best parts of being a developer:

1. Full Internet access and admin rights.
2. It's nearly impossible for someone to tell if you are working or just zoning out.
3. We have the best online communities... because we make all of them.

the best way to learn programming is not by just reading books and coding basic examples. it is to take up a project which seems impossible and start doing it piece by piece, with the help of Google and stack overflow

The 5 stages of debugging:

1. What?
2. Why?
3. How?
4. Impossible.
5. Oh.

No, I'm not hacking.
No Linux is not a movie.
No, you are not a developer because you can put "Hello World" on a website.
No, this isn't a waste of my time.
Yes, I will use it.
Yes, I'll make you a website for free. NOT!
Your phone is both Android and Samsung.
No, what they did in the movie is impossible.
No, I can't predict the stock market.
No, I'm not Mr. Robot, but I know him...

Fuxk yeah! My code works! It's 2AM, I'm happy and there's no one around, so I wrote a poem :-P

What was once impossible,
Is now close to completion,
Thanks to my debug statements,
Which now await their deletion.

"Linux is too hard and it's a waste of time"

"Trying to use vim makes writing code impossible. It's too ancient"

"Windows has gotten better"

"C/c++ is showing it's age and will be replaced by something like d or rust" yeah call me when that happens

"C# is good"

"Java is okay"

And many others.

"Why is this taking so long?"

"Unforeseen complications"

"Why didn't you factor that in while estimating?"

"Because thats impossible, by definition."

I kid you not, it's been impossible to find a rubber duck, so I had to make my own. Yes, his head is wonky, it's intentional, I wanted him to match me 😁

Client: I have 1024x768 resolution video. Please show it on wide screen. Make sure it's full-screen, don't change the dimension, and don't crop it...

Me: What? But how?...

Client: <start-to-think-very-hard>

[The next day]

Client: About the feature I request yesterday, I guess it is impossible.

Me: Yup, I know...

That moment when the development manager says "nothing is impossible"
And then starts to spend the whole day assigning the new tasks.

Client's message: "The next feature we're going to implement is blah blah blah."

Me (to my manager): "Lol it can't be done. It's impossible. We're bound by technical limitations. I've done plenty of research on this."

*2 hours later*

Me: "Here, I've built a demo of the feature. We can deploy it in a couple of days."

This is exactly what happens when your client ask for something impossible you you still have to find a hack

That moment when the client is actually happy with your design. From the beginning.
And requests no changes.

When your boss asks for a web application that has drag and drop, resize, popup, fade inand out, dynamic styling and mobile compatibility but must work on IE8
You feel like:
Mission: Go to the moon
Tools: Broom's stick
Yeah i'll just pretend to be a witch and fly away

Mission Impossible :D

"Difficult" takes a day.
"Impossible" takes a week.

Impossible to write code when you're in love.

I got so annoyed by dumb github issues, which aren't issues, but features requests that are technically impossible to make, I started answering them only with memes.

So just worked 14 days on minimum sleep to meet an impossible deadline as best as i possibly could.

Didnt have any time to properly test anything that had to be implemented.

First "proper" testing was done by my boss 2 hours before deadline and he's unsatisfied because of some minor bugs and sound values being off.

🙃

!dev
It's one of those nights again. It's so hot that I'm constantly sweating my fucking ass off and its near impossible to ventilate here. Fucking irritated for some fucking reason and questioning all my fucking life and work decisions yet again.

I don't fucking need this right now. Have to get up in 6 hours but oh boy is this going to be a long night.

Don't work late/during the weekend because someone else committed to an impossible deadline. Trust me. It's not worth it.

"Well, how hard could it be to do it in this impossible deadline?"

Well ... HOW ABOUT I STICK A LAMP POST UP YOUR ASS? HOW HARD COULD IT BE? YOU JUST STAY STILL AND I PUSH HARD ENOUGH, RIGHT?!

Uninstalling devrant, devrantron and blocking the site in the router

So its not "Unable to connect to servers"

Its downright IMPOSSIBLE..

Okay 😑

Our own company website. Everyone got involved, the process broke down, and because all of management and company owners were participating- it was nearly impossible to get anything done.

We are our own worst client.

I hope they make an anime about being a dev and the enemy is the deadline.

Dev: ill use this coding technique number 111

Deadline: impossible

Insert explosion effect here

Fucking boss trying to "inspire" us by talking about famous people like elon musk, steve jobs etc.

Well newsflash dumb boss, they are not employees, they are fucking bosses too!

Atleast, consider paying us for overtime before trying to make us rebuild entire project in an impossible deadline.

And yeah, hiring someone who has experience in that framework would be helpful too.

I wish the internet would drop support for emoji. Its fucking impossible to tell what anyone means anymore.

Should you use webpack in your next front end application? Well heres one question to ask yourself to help you decide:

While developing your application, do you feel your application could benefit from the introduction of 14,372 impossible to understand errors, each requiring hours of research to debug ...

you do? well boy are you in luck!

Found this in my dad's house.

Looks as if he didn't used it.

Any one know how to install this somehow? (Even though it is impossible, probably)

When I'm hearing the CEO promising new impossible features in the next 2 weeks.

It's raining in Chennai, India.
Flooding in quite a few areas.
The areas hit bad are where the IT companies have set up shop. More rain is expected .
If you know guys from here please check and see if they're OK. It was almost impossible to get back home from work for many people last night.

Uber was charging 600% more for a ride.

Hope you guys from Chennai are safe.

had a project manager who was heavily religious.

any time he would give me impossible deadlines and I explained why that cant be done he always said "god will find a way"

A colleague once changed the double click timing in the mouse settings to the lowest. This made double click impossible.

Took some time to figure out, and way more to solve without double click :/

Impossible!

The worst part about being a web developer is when clients ruin a perfectly good website by asking for dumb things, even though you told them it's either:
a) near impossible
b) not useful/helpful to users
c) deprecated/no longer used code/techniques
e) will harm performance and SEO
d) just plain stupid

When you get an impossible deadline

Random idea:

Make a cd with an auto run file on it

The file executes a self-packaged Python script that pops up a message that says "good luck" then ejects the drive

You now have the impossible cd

I am roughly 12 hours away from a deadline that seemed pretty impossible.
I finally got everything to work, it seems I'm actually going to make it.
After so many hours of frustration, despair and walking in circles, it is finally fun again :)

OK. FUCK YOU REACT-ROUTER AND YOUR FUCKED UP "SHOULD BE STRAIGHT FORWARD" IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND DOCUMENTATION AND HALF BAKED EXAMPLES OF INCONSISTENT VERSIONS.
FUCK YOU WITH A TRUCK INSIDE YOUR BITCH ASS

today morning my boss talking to the designer.

Boss: hey, when we can see the design finished for the web site asked by the client X?

Designer: hmm, about a day and a half, there are many pages and details.

Boss: heheheh, it's impossible, we need it today at the end of the day.

Me insid: wth, then why you ask him about the time like he have a choice..

I was looking through old entries in my keepass, and I happened across this bit from when I worked in places that still had unix servers. I was so angry at the impossible input issues they had that I put this into my 'handy commands' section.

As someone who uses both Windows and MacOS, it's fucking impossible to type {} or $ on the first try. EVERY DAMN TIME I DO IT WRONG!

You ever just randomly blank on something super basic? Like something that has been drilled into your head since you started in development and should be impossible to forget? Anyway I just had to Google the newline character.

Bug:
So there is feature to long press on a picture to save it BUT when dialog comes up - its impossible to dismiss it, not that its impossible to close it, but wherever you click - it saves pic(even if on non button)

(Adding a picture for u guys to test it out)
(Sry for repost, i cant find anything else on my phone)

Hey boss, I see you working saturday 11pm updating these fucking cards...

That is why you manage to "do the impossible" , get a life dude... go be with your wife and "soon to be" kid.

Damn, no wonder he always says the deadline is possible.

I am very happy that I found devRant. I work from home so ranting to other developers in person is impossible... thank you for filling that void.

Management: Create [totally idiotic and complicated feature, near to impossible to create]
Me: that's close to impossible and could probably destroy some other parts of the application.
Management: well, then your application is poorly programmed.

DAFUQ? HOW DARE TO JUDGE THE QUALITY OF MY CODE WITHOUT EVEN ABLE TO READ 2 LINES OF CSS? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS?

I'm really not easily offended but this sentence hit really hard.

It is a sincere request to all the people who are asking for a backup of their files and documents, to please stop pestering us regarding the same.

We can't possibly collect your data, and even if there's a way, it would be nearly impossible for us to find your data from billions and billions of files and directories.

Citizens are requested to please understand our problems.
Have a nice day :)

Getting paid for doing nothing. Working only on my personal projects. Making a useless JS Framework that every company uses. Learning how to exit vim.

Okay, the last one may be kind of impossible.

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair. " - Douglas Adams

Why is it so damn hard to get publicity for an open-source project? I mean it's almost impossible to get anyone to even notice you. I've been trying to promote my project in every kind of social media imaginable and still I can't reliably get 50-100 unique visitors to my Github repo in a day. I thought writing the code was the difficult part, but clearly the no-budget marketing is what will be my demise.

Applies for Android Internship

Supervisor: Work with this Image Processing Library to "RECOGNIZE" objects from the phones camera.

Me: Wuuuuuh....?

Supervisor: Also it should be in real time and can't use internet.

Me: But that's impossible....

Supervisor: Align your goals with the company's goal. Nothing is impossible......(gets all motivational)

Me: 😩🔫

*can't find the bug after an hour of searching*
"This is impossible, this can't be my mistake"
*finds bug one minute later*
"Nevermind me"

At least once or twice a week!

So fed up with this "Linux is hard to handle"-bull. If you want to do things the hard way, sure. But if you install a normal distribution like Ubuntu it's as close to "just works" as I have seen. Sure if you want to compile everything yourself into your perfect system it can be hard, but on windows or mac that's not hard, it's impossible.

Boss slides keyboard over to you during conference call. It's slightly crooked. Trying to punch in credentials without looking like a noob... impossible.

You know you learned a lot in the last year when you try to change something on a website you made 1 year ago and it is almost impossible.

The code is not well structured. PHP mixed with HTML, functions that should be organized as a class etc.

I really, really, need to refactor the entire site!

Fucking stupid bitch comes to me at 7 pm and asks an impossible task and after I clearly explain and say that I don't know how I gonna do it she asks it for early tomorrow...

Yeah, keep waiting...

How many times have I ask my boss about the new project's deadline only to get "it has to be done by yesterday". Damn, boss, if you know, that we are occupied, then don't get a new project, only to blame the coder for promising an impossible deadline to the client!

Dates are f***ing annoying, we humans deal with them in such a weird way. It's almost impossible to define a algorithm dealing with them consistently.

My boss (who knows nothing of programming) loves to assign deadlines that are nearly impossible to meet and then when I approach him with my realistic opinion on it's timespan replies "we will put our heads together and get it done in time, we'll just have to pull together as a team". What the hells this team? I'm the only developer in the office. Who is we?!?

There was an error in one of my Java file. Impossible to find it. I commented all the code and the error remain. I commented the import of that class and no more error. How the f**** is possible that a empty class give an error ?
I opened the file in another text editor and found out that the last character was a symbol that wasn't recognize or display in other text editor.
I was really proud (and confused)

Shittttt today i got PC to repair and it have 64MB of ram fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk its impossible to repair this crap because it too old buy new one

Opensourcing is great
getting other people involved is difficult
Doing a group project with volunteers is impossible.

Mum: can you look at my phone?
*bunch of random shit pops up all over the place*
Me: your phones got a bunch of viruses on it or something. You'll have to get it fixed
Her: can't you do it? You make apps. Can't you just make an app for me to fix my phone?
Me: I don't really make apps, besides that's kind of impossible.
Her: so what did you go to university for?
Me: -___-

Well my friend today showed me his new awesome locker on android aka "NASA terminal" well i said what if i can make a path to your phone without knowing your passwd and i will be in your phone he said impossible ok after i booted in safe mode showed resoult.

Whatt??????? How ????

Just started as a remote dev and I found that it's IMPOSSIBLE to work from home.

Get annoyed from something not compiling/errors? Go play some video games two feet away. Nothing going your way? Go lie down on the bed behind you.

But for some reason I can work from home way better at night.

Any other tips for working remotely?

Got offered a project to develop e-commerce site. Bespoke. E-commerce. Sage pay. CMS. 4 days. When I said it's basically impossible, got told that the company was offered the same solution by an Indian developer but in 2 days, so it shouldn't be a problem to do it in 4.

I accidentally deleted the Facebook chat history I had with someone. Wanting it back, I quickly whipped up a program for my Teensy to download and executes a Java app I wrote. The Java app gets the Facebook cookies, decrypts and uses them to read the chat history which will then be sent to me. Now all I have to do is insert my Teensy via USB and I'll have my chat back! *mission impossible music playing*

People who write ridiculous JS variable names that are impossible to understand or are just unreadable!! WTF!! Don't tell me it's to save bytes because its getting minified anyway. You're just fucking lazy.

I love Test-Driven Development!

And because of that fact, my heart shatters into thousands of pieces, when I recognize error events on our production nodes which are pointing onto a golden hammer function in a legacy project.

This particular function has about 300 lines with a bunch of subfunction calls and instantiations of helper-classes returning information for workflow.

Refactoring this code to apply proper unit-tests requires a way bigger investment than simply deal with 30 eventlogs a day, because this kind of payment is barely used by customers of our webshop.

This fact is a little itch each day of my work.

Guess it will make me go insane one day
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

xD

When tv series/movies have "coding scenes" and they do impossible things within seconds. (I'm watching last season of the 100... My god...)

Programmers nowadays have to...
… write 100%-covering unit tests;
… set up continuous integration, linters, hinters, style checkers, …;
… follow style guides for every language;
… meet impossible deadlines;
… meet impossible management/customer/end user expectations;
… read through terrible code others made;
… read through terrible documentation others made;
… make terrible documentation themselves;
… fight with the IDE;
… fight with the build tools;
… deal with unreproducible crash reports coming in from everywhere;
… debug code written at 2am (by themselves AND others);
…
…
…
… KNOW HOW TO PROGRAM.

"Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Mr Spock

What idiot decided to translate the Excel-formulas?! It's impossible to follow an example you find online or to get help on a complex formula without translating it to English first! (Yes, I know there are online translators out there, but still!)

Nobody solved this super complicated cryptography puzzle last time. I guess I have created an unsolvable mystery of epic proportions. Anyway, if you wanna give it a try, go ahead:

b417021dc01b409ad0c21b430a508624

Answer is a sentence in plain english. Space is used, but no punctuation. Post answer to comments. Good luck :D

My uncle : "It's all about genetics, if you are born dumb, you'll die dumb"

Then it means I'll never be a good Dev? It doesn't matter how hard I'll work, I'll never improve? Does it means everything I'm doing is meaningless?

I don't want to believe that, I don't think you're "born" dumb or you can't improve. I hate when people try to take down your motivation.

So fuck you, I'll try to improve anyway.

No, I won't try, I'll do it, even if it takes me some time. That's the biggest lesson I learned during my internship.

People at Apple must have put an enormous amount of time and effort into the development of iOS 11. It's impossible to make an OS so fucking buggy and shitty as 11 without spending a lot of time on it to purposely make it crap.

When AI steal all the dev jobs, I will become upper management and do my best to confuse them by demanding they implement impossible things like 7 straight, red lines that are all perpendicular to eachother, and that are all blue.

This is fucking rediculous.

A client wanted me to make them a image download resistant galary.
They said they had seen some other site that is "impossible" to download pictures from. This just is not true, they were overlaying transparent images over the images.

Two days after I do that, set up everything on their server, and disable hotlinking in their CloudFlare, without being contacted at all, I've received a not-as-described PayPal dispute.

They said someone downloaded their picture and that I said it would be impossible.

How is this possible? The fuck PayPal? I'm going to lose this damn dispute which was gonna pay half of my rent.

Man I really wish I knew how to implement TDD. Sounds so good in theory, seems impossible in practice 😅

HOW TO PROGRAM(in four easy steps) :

1. Google the F*cking Problem.
2. Open a Stackoverflow link.
3. Copy and paste the code.
4. If it didn't work, goto step 2.
If it did work, goto step 1
(you didn't think you were done.. did you?)

FAQ
Q: What if there is no code?
A: Then it is impossible.

"It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure to BASIC. As potential programmers, they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration." - E. W. Dijkstra

Someone please explain to me how you can become vice president of an internet company and have no fucking clue about simple database logic. Not only that, but then ask developers for query logic that is literally impossible and waste weeks fucking around trying to get it to work the way your deranged mind has shit out these absurd concepts.

Android is gonna be the death of me. Any fucking idea you have is impossible to implement, because libraries with clear documentation are deprecated. If a library is not deprecated, however, it has documentation written by a fucking caveman who thinks it's extremely self explanatory on how to use something that is extremely application specific. Spent hours looking at Google example code that crashes almost immediately after execution, what a joke.

My new favourite quote...

"I can't be the only one worried about the deadline"

By boss speakign ot my team who is expected to deliver 6-8 months worth of work in 5 weeks time...

Too bad he does not know he IS the only one worried, when you going to miss a deadline by that much when you never agreed to it in the first place, have not seen a single API and the scope is still actively changing and lets not forget we have no DevOps yet...
why the fuck would you worry...

Well creating game where you remember digits of Pi and and you try to beat PC there are 4 modes easy medium hard impossible and impossible is really impossible.
And there you have free mode too where you type all you remember and it will give you hints. And you learn it like that.
That's first project what is probably seriously going on G play.
Any ideas how to improve it ?

Landing a junior web developer position seems nearly impossible. I've been working as contractor for a few months just to get the portfolio and experience but it starts to look futile. If this continues for a year, I'll become an analyst or something. Sorry for the long rant.

I hate fucking people that commit into repository all libraries and modules under node_modules or vendor/gems making impossible to search examples on github.

My biggest obstacle? Stupidity, laziness, willfull ignorance, procrastination.

Sometimes my teammates are the ones guilty of these things too. That, and impossible timetables, but that's par for the course for pretty much all of us.

It’s so fucking ridiculous that business people that knows jack shit about programming are the ones that promise features within a specific impossible deadlines to the customers

Today is my birthday and my company as a present will make me work on disgusting legacy code, stored procedures, impossible to debug and convoluted as fuck.
And everything needs to be released yesterday...
Happy birthday motherfucker.

About every project at my last job. Impossible to like any project with a boss that legitimately thinks frames and tables are a better option than learning css.

But why not, attribute styling on html-elements are the future indeed.

Does anyone else have this neverending drive for perfection in their software? One that has consumed every personal project, causing rewrite after rewrite so it would finally be perfect. Only to realize that perfection is impossible you are the guy who just wasted his entire weekend and has yet to finish a single project.

Shout out to all the Indian Devs who are stuck in their corporate jobs, AC and drinking water are the only two things that are free in office, always dreaming of getting a job in Silicon Valley which unfortunately seems almost impossible, and lastly as they silently suffer at hands of their managers who know nothing more than entering numbers in an excel sheet.

What if an evil AI is sitting on top of blockchain ??🤔
It would be impossible to shutdown ?
virtual terminator !!!

When it feels impossible to get your javascript callback to happen at the right time, so you just throw the callback somewhere just so it works, but you know that it's not the ideal spot for it... 😡😡😡

🖕💻

My boss just gave me a task that Stack Overflow tells me is impossible. He's a senior architect.

-__-

Client: my video player has two play buttons.
Me: ok that's weird let me check yes it does have two play buttons your right so turns out the client has taken a screenshot of another video player with the play button still on it and used that as their poster image hence two play buttons.

Finding it impossible to explain this to them arrrrggggghhh why why why

* You can barely keep your eyes open
* Reading rants becomes impossible
* You decide to go to sleep

Brain uses overload

* You mind is flooded with creativity
* You don't feel tired anymore
* Your phone is suddenly back in your hand

"Brain, why did you so that?"
Brain: "Because fuck you I guess. I wanna read more rants!"

>>"Oh we're more like family here and we like to have people join our family style instead of setting strict rules and punishing people " == "You'll stay late everyday and you won't be paid any extra hours and you'll be ass fucked with impossible deadlines unless you could fondle the managers balls"

True
>>

I always hear "its impossible to talk to tech people, its like they're from another planet". Well get used to it, cuz the nerds shall inherit the earth!!

Director of the company asked me to design an app that's near impossible on Tuesday. Explained to him the constraints of what he wanted, he told me to give him a low down of all the constrains by the end of the week. Gave him a a full report yesterday.

Calls me in today and tells me head office's CSO is coming next week Friday and he wants the app ready by then so he can show it to the CSO.

What the fuck. Guess I'll be spending nights late coding the impossible. (because my actual job at the company has nothing to do with his bloody app).

Communication is key, but when the communicator is flat out fucking ignored, what's the point.

If you're using the adwaita-dark gtk theme, you may have noticed that the text entry fields on lots and lots of sites make your text almost impossible to read, using firefox. You can fix that by creating/editing the, "widget.content.gtk-theme-override" key(in about:config), setting it to "Adwaita" and restarting firefox.

What is fucking wrong with Windows? When shit doesn't respond it's impossible to kill it and it freezes other processes. NEVER happens in Linux, all I do is kill the PID. When you can't open task manager or "end the process" you are shit out of luck. You'd think they'd fix this in the decades they've had to built a computing platform. I'd use linux exclusively but some work and tools at my company necessitates windows.

It always seems impossible until it's done.

I'm very tired of these impossible deadlines, it feels like as soon as one project finish, we have to rush to finish the other.
I should take some holidays.

Freelancers should be considered genies at this point.

I can't login ffs
I don't care that it shows an impossible number of characters honestly, but I don't get why that should prevent me from logging in to any of these servers

For that matter, why the fuck is number of characters a signed int?

Dream project: mathematically proven secure OS. It would take forever, and be nearly impossible, but given enough time it is theoretically possible.

It's technically impossible for this update not to fuck everything up.

Oh, I use Arch Linux btw.

3 years ago we had the terrible, wrong and worst idea to integrate a plugin on website. It turned into a big chunk of cancer. Now, impossible to remove, I thought to edit the styles directly. Look. At. This.

If I had a time machine, I would go to that very day and hit me with the best slap in the face I could give.

so... 9 years ago we had this super awesome codebase. 1 file, complete logic COPIED to be used in ui and service/daemon. I scrolled to the middle of the file and there was no source. it was out of bounds of my monitor to the right because of nested ifs. ok... what the fuck!! the worst part: I had to implement a new FEATURE into this mess. 2 days. I said it would not work as expected because the feature was not thought through. but project said let's gooooo! ok there I was, a junior with an impossible to implement feature and a codebase from hell. I've implemented something, all night long. next day it was the problem of the consultants. they called me, I told them why it's impossible that this would ever work, they understood and talked to the customer. he accepted the solution. WTF?! anyway, in those days I thought about quitting developing software as my daily job....

I have found the best game for learning ever XD
I have recently heared about io.netgarage.org and tried to solve several it's levels, and I find this game awsome
It is the best to learn reverse engineering)) it is just like an Impossible quiz, where you have to smash the stack to get to the next level))
I have wasted much time for that, but it is worth it))
((Not an advertisment))

Maybe time to implement a dupe-check making it impossible to post the same joke/meme more than x times in a 3 month period? Sorry guys but some jokes are just getting very repetitive..

What I say:
I understand computers.
What others understand:
I am the god of Computers I understand every Language that ist out There and what I cant solve is impossible...

Trying to get gcc and make onto a 3DS is nigh impossible as my x64 PC won't let me cross-compile and the only ARM device I have is a Pi Zero, but it runs out of memory mid-compile... fml.

*opens the code of an old project still running today*
*see the horror spaghetti code*
*decide to modernize it with good code and practices learned by the years*
*can fucking decide where to start *
*réalise it is impossible *
*rewrite it from scratch in a few hours*
*be proud*

It's really rewarding to go back to old projects and give them a good hug. You réalise then you really got better

I hate it when I brainstorm for 4 hours straight and the only good idea I come up with is something impossible to by a one-man.

- Pigs flying
- Rats singing opera
- Donald Tump not being a bigot
- Our remote office staff having a clue

... all things I have accepted that are impossible

Finding a dev job in a suburban area is near impossible I swear

When the PM says we can add an impossible feature...

Battling impossible project deadlines and maintaining a work life balance. Estimating projects properly.

My god, using a VM on a 4k monitor is fucking nuts. The cursor's a fucking speck and the text is tiny as well. Jesus, XP is impossible to use like that!

"Let's make it almost impossible to test on our mobile devices."
- Apple

!rant
My mother got me a programmagle calculator this year for christmas, a Casio fx9750gII. Needless to say I'm already hooked. Casio BASIC might not be the best language I've ever used, and working with string is pretty much impossible but I'm actually having real fun. Hopefully I'll finish my snake code by this week (will update with pics :P).

Just had a bug reported that only happens in Chrome. Works in IE and Safari. This is going to be an impossible bug to squash.

First experience with Android: our professor of Software Engineering gave us a project about building an app for University indoor geolocation using BLE beacons.
Just found out that only a few PhD-level dudes did such a thing with much fewer good results.
Sounds like when your average-hedidnotrealizedwhataprogrammeris-friend asks you if you are able to hack Google Chrome.

2^40=1099511627776

Why did I not realize this until playing this game (pair 2 of the same kind to get the next) for about an hour....

my work drives me crazy sometimes, our production tables dont have primary keys or indexes. There are several tables who are basically the same, most scripts/reports are hacked together with no common agreement on dates/values and as a result, it is almost impossible to check whether values are correct or not.

Why, Just why is it impossible to actually exit vim?

Do you know how hard it is to find a safe, virus free YouTube downloader that actually works? Very hard. How about one that downloads a whole playlist? Impossible.

!rant

I think the auto driving cars are going to be an all or nothing system to work. Either everybody has one or it'll be near impossible to have it.

Your thoughts, comments, concerns?

She : Bring the stars for me.
He : Are you mad? How can i even do that? Impossible, ask something else.
She : Stop writing Codes.
He : Ok, How many stars you need?

Wen your project manager promises the deliverables in an impossible order....

FUCK YOU TECH LEAD! Our manager explained what he wanted 4 MONTHS AGO! You said we could do it! We can do it! You suddenly changed your mind, instead of asking me WHO IS WORKING ON THE PARTS REQUIRED TO DO THE MAGIC! MAYBE I WOULD KNOW IF IT IS POSSIBLE OR NOT??? MAYBE??? NOW I HAVE TO GO FIGHT YOU, YOUR EGO WILL SAY YOU ARE RIGHT, YOU WONT BACK DOWN, AND WE WILL SCREAM AT EACH OTHER! FUCK, RUINING MY 4 DAY WEEKEND RELAXATION! AND IN FRONT OF THE BOSS!!! FUCK

Ugh.
I got a common cold and was operating on half a brain the last days - today, it took me about half an hour to find the option/flag to set when resizing a shape in the CAD-Tool. Dm
Programming is impossible atm. I hate this feeling.

Its funny cuz its true.

Original deadline 2 weeks ago
New Deadline 2 weeks form now
API been down for 2 days and counting

~3 months worth of work left to do, if we lucky, to meet requirements for deadline…

Lifetime specifiers.
I think it's impossible to make them look even more confusing.

So our sales rep got this email from some random dude yesterday (jan 12) saying he wants a simple webpage with a video background and some shit and that it's upmost important that it's done by jan 21.
Ignoring the fact that we are busy af, i thought well yeah it's doable. A simple onepager with some nice elements and some shit, ez pz.
In the email he also sent a link to a website simmilar to what he wants (as an example i presume) and it turned out to be a fully functional blog, a medium sized webshop (by the looks of it) and a whole lot of other stuff.
He didn't state a budget but seeing his demands I'd say his budget isn't much more than a couple of hundred €.

C++ might be very good in memory management but it's an absolute pain in the ass. When the src has thousands of lines of code it's clos3 to impossible to manage the memory. The errors are so vague.

And porting the code to a new hardware is an absolute nightmare.

LaTeX is all fun and cool and awesome until you encounter a stupid formatting issue that is impossible to fucking fix in a sensible amount of time.

I ask myself whether there is a connection between people proudly proclaiming they don't need to get a decent education and people posting rants about being impossible to get their projects to work and have to trace down bug all the time.

So you know those motivating moments, when you are asked by a junior dev 'cause his task is impossible to solve and you take 3 minutes to say it's done?
Well. Juniors are still learning.
BUT WHY CANT YOU USE DOCS AND GOOGLE?????

Have you ever committed to an impossible deadline simply because your client would have been completely FUCKED if you didn't?

this would have been remotely doable if the existing code base that was handed over was just mildly reasonable. But how could this shit ever have worked the first time?!

Gilfoyle would just have said no. Why can't I be more like Gilfoyle >.<

How do I shake the feeling that I need to know everything? As I learn more about development and its various aspects I feel like I need to master every technology and I know that's impossible but I can't help but feel it. It gets to the point sometimes where I'm paralyzed with indecision and I can't decide what to start learning

Me: This software is so expensive!! I don’t have that kind of money!

Friend: Yeah I know, and it’s pretty much impossible to pirate! *awkward laugh* Not that I would know...

😂

So i informed my intent to leave the job in few months in pursuit of learning something new in tech. Boss is trying to convince me to not leave and said i should consider learning it after work hours. In fact, in his opinion, the best way to learn is just going ahead and learning it while doing it in the project ( which usually has impossible deadline and fugly code by colleagues who never thinks of good coding practices when typing their shit ).

Well guess what boss, I don't want to just live a life staring at monitor all day. I don't want to kill my eyes either.

Following his advise and not quitting would mean living a slave life.

I have other plans actually. Like being self employed and traveling the world which would be impossible if i follow the routine life.

Fun fact: he claimed he made an AI car back in 90s!

He also thinks I can't sense BS!😏

Client: we want to double conversions and Facebook likes by end of year.

Dev: (internal: this is impossible) So what's the plan?

Client: *blank stare* ...

First they make it difficult to do your job. "Only use this server for your testing with twenty other engineers". And when you adjust to that, they change it to impossible. "The server is off limits while demos are on going" .. But you're expected to continue working at full speed ahead.

never before have I been happy to be asked to work overtime, but for once, fuck yeah...

Bit of back story, I am tech lead on a massive project that has been run like a complete shit show, the PM who also happens to be the brains behind the project seems to think we are miracle workers and for the first 9/10 months of the project would make significant, like delete a weeks worth of code and start over changes, 3-5 times per week. There are features for the v1 release that have been built in excess of 5 times. I have been saying since October that even without all his constant changes, we will NOT make the deadline, and naturally as is part of my job I argued against every unnecessary feature he tried to implement, eventually he pulled me into a meeting to tell me how much he values my opinion, I need to stop arguing with him and he does not want to work with yes men (I have a rant about that convo already).

I believe our CEO finally started smelling a rat as he insisted on joining our daily stand-ups, during which said PM scripted some lovely stories to disguise the fuckup we are in, and since has assigned another PM to take over and do proper project management and risk analysis.

That is where the email comes in, a lot of the work assigned to me will miss the deadline by a month, honestly I am impressed that it is by so little and so few people will not be missing it, but anyway, he probably spun a few stories there too.

So I spent part of the work compiling the most perfect surgical response as not not actively throw him under the bu, but create a quite a few questions that they hopefully as, as himself and the CEO where cc'd into the mail.

And the jist is, the deadline itself was still impossible and 8 of the 10 tasks assigned to be have ZERO back-end whatsoever, and those tasks are about 80/90% integration to said non-existent back-end, some of those services and data structures have not even been planned yet and we are a week past the deadline and 3 weeks from the just as useless extension.

Salesforce's api is goddamn impossible to get caught up with. It's no wonder companies spend 100s of thousands of dollars integrating this bullshit CRM

Well, I had fun making people write very long comments for a while (including me). You made me learn that I will never change the way people think, it's something very difficult and sometimes impossible! I have experienced the same many times with my own family. I wanted to try it here and came to the same conclusion. That's what I learned from all those counterarguments and critics.
Thanks devRant community, for helping me to define myself and improve as a person.

A dev in the team just found out about JavaScript promises. Now he is putting them everywhere but never handling errors, so it's impossible to tell where the app is actually failing because the error points to the Babel polyfill and the stack trace is not long enough.

Biggest regret...
Choosing to dev on one of the less used cms ever: SPIP.
It's French, and had to use it when I was an intern. It have some interesting features, and can do quit a lot of things. But trying to find a job related to it is almost freaking impossible.
I tried to persevere into using it, but never got me anywhere. 🤔

As a fresher I'm trying to get a Dev job and people around me constantly tell me how hard/ impossible it is and that I should try something else. All I think is "THANKS FOR CHEERING ME ON!"

Jay's law of mathematical code...
It is physically impossible to write code that solves differential equations without having stuff shoot off to infinity for at least half an hour befor the thing actually works!

Your Telerik Kendo UI has a bug? I can fix it. It shouldn't be difficult because there is just so much support and documentation.

Working on a webpage. Using Flexbox for a 1-column layout. Now I need to display two Divs next to each other and I regret every lifechoice.
Why is it such an impossible task to put two divs in perfect alignment next to each other. Why oh lord have thou forsaken me.

Master Javascript from A to Z.

Naah just kidding we all know that's impossible, I'll buy google instead.

being backend developer, it is impossible to show progress :'( for ever request you make, you have to create api, validate the stuff, check for every backdoor and then their is output

Describe one instance when you thought, "Fuck this shit, I'm done with this client". Preferably when the client came up with stupid/impossible requirements

I hate having that one bug that seems impossible to fix when all along youve just had something disabled
Example: was coding UI in Unity when i found out some elements werent showing up, turned out i disabled the entire gameobject, not the visibility of the UI. I spent 2 hours trying to solve this.

I learned very quickly that magic globals are baaaaad.

I mean, it's easier than using a queue for passing data between threads, right?

Boss comes, asks that I make a function in the site. Tell him it's impossible / forbidden, he says okay and goes back. Comes back a week later, asks for the exact same function he asked earlier.

Today I think it became apparent why we have so many data and prod issues...

No one understands SOLID design principals... Particularly Separation of Concern. No wonder all the Spring (DI) modules look like a mess of God functions that are impossible to reuse and difficult to extend...

I love doing what we do b/c we're always solving tough problems... But f@&k it sucks just before the right answer becomes clear! It always feels like it's impossible, until you're playing with your daughter and her Barbie dolls... Then it's a battle of not forgetting it....

Fuck fuck fuck I can't even read this source code let alone abstract the core algorithm from it. Fuck C++ and fuck this extremely non verbose code and plethora of syntactic sugar that makes it impossible for anyone who doesn't know the nuances of the language to read it. You could literally put me in the middle of a country where nobody speaks English and i would still have an easier time than I am now.

By always striving to do better each time. Making code less sloppy every time I write GL code. Better performance everytime I write an algorithm. Lower memory usage every time I write application state. Learning a new trick for an old problem, one at a time.

Learning best practice in one go is impossible, but taking it a bit at a time makes things more reasonable.

When I'm given the "impossible" bug

!rant

I find IT to be an amazing field. There are so many parts to it that take tremendous dedication to fully understand, yet, each part works together.

Teams of people dedicated their entire life to software development, which would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to the development of operating systems. That would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to integrating hardware and software. That again would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to electrical engineering.

I know I missed tons of subfields that link everything together, but just the massive amount of dedication and teamwork to make something as simple as a console application work properly is amazing. I wish I could understand it all and I hope everything will always be as easily accessible my entire life as it is now.

A big old Fuck off to Instagram posts saying 'comment "AWESOME" word by word in the comment section, its impossible'
How do these even get suggested when I don't even like any of their posts, their ML is bad.

It's 8PM and I've been working since 8AM straight. Needless to say my hands kinda hurt already.

F'ing bugs you find months after deploy that are so big it shouldn't have been missed, yet somehow dozens of eyes missed it.

Damn code gremlins

When you managed to hack the professor's program supposed to be almost impossible to hack ...

I was thinking to do something that I thought (then) was impossible, but managed to finish it in under 3 hours.

3 weeks till deadline... Gonna be hard. Get in find emails from PM, boss and his boss, deadline moved deadline today... Ffs.

Oracle database with PL/SQL, heavy use of triggers, and viewception.

Sure, let's take what's supposed to be a data store, embed shitloads of logic in it, make sure everything has side effects, and ensure nothing is ever straightforward.

Untracable, impossible to debug and overall a mess of epic proportions!

WE REACHED IMPOSSIBLE PERCENTAGE

So I'm at this clinic deploying this top notch clinical cutting edge health care system we worked on for 3 months with mission impossible team...
A nurse came to me:
"You must be the IT guy, can you fix my printer ?"
What would you say guys in this scenario ?

I found this land mine in a "framework" class in a large enterprise software code base. I checked the history and it's been like this for nearly 10 years. It's used by multiple applications, so it's impossible to fix without risking regressions.
Forget about "lazy instantiation". This is "lazy and stupid instantiation".
(Type and variable names anonymized so I don't get fired.)

Doing the impossible...

.work-life-balance {
display: flex;
}

CSS! after days thinking about this and using chrome dev tools to find the magic numbers ( thank arrow keys) i finally made this thing responsive. The magic is in 53px. Thanks to javascript i also did what seemed almost impossible for me in CSS. Phew!!!

Just wanted to clean up and update my old smartphone (Huawei Y300). Accidentally deleted the home screen and system.ui and can no longer open apps. TRWP (2.5.x) is too old to flash a new image. Need TRWP 2.6.3.3, but it is impossible to update it from within TRWP. Such a crap.

Have to use this custom script language from ABB. I have hever felt this amount of pain in life. Virtually impossible to predict the result, and two compiled versions of the same code might behave different from the other. Please shoot me😖 Sorry, felt I needed to went my frustration. ☺️

New management asked us to do an impossible task at work. Launching a campaign with no planning and destined for an absolute disaster. Being me and how I never approved of the new management, I blew up. Guess they will either start paying me better or kick me out.

P.s. they can't function without me. At all. Literally. Impossible. Becayse I am the only one who bothered to join their team. They begged me. Because they know they're useless. And after 25 years. Their ship is literally gonna sink within a year if I leave.

So my laptop screen started flickering to black when movement occures on screen, making it look like a stroboscope and giving me a sweet migraine.
Impossible to code, write, browse or get anything done. Good bye finishing deadlines on time.
Don't know what's wrong, hardware or software, I have no freaking idea. But I'm tempted to take this as a oppertunity to blame windows10 whipe my computer clean and running some Linux OS instead.

Today the impossible happened. Windows 10 refused to update! Clicked "Update and reboot" .. aand.. Nothing! It's like christmas in November.

Getting into things that seem close to impossible.
Then I learn about new things to get the impossible possible. 😎🤓
Ya that's how I roll.