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Search - "microsoft word"
*me coding in Atom in world history class*
*Teacher walks over*
Teacher: Are you on task?
Me: I'm taking notes.
Teacher: It doesn't look like it.
Me: I set a dark theme for Microsoft Word.
*Teacher walks away*13
Being 100% serious, I saw a guy in my Computer Programming I class using MS Word to write code that he would copy, then paste into notepad. When I asked him why he did that, he said, "Microsoft Word is easier to read than notepad."
He ended up dropping the class and changed majors.11
It was late night after work I went into Macdonald's take-away:
Me: Can I have a Maharaja Mac Medium Meal with extra regular fries?
Guy: Yes sir, that will XX.XX amt.
Me: Gives him my card.
Guys: So what's the pin?
Guys: The Pin sir.
Me: Are you ok? Who the hell shares a pin with you?
Guy: Sir, we don't have a wireless swipe machine.
Me: So why is it a take-away if I have to come inside and drop my pin anyways?
*Guy looks awkwardly at other employees. :/
*You can't make this shit up*
Recruiter: Hi, I saw your profile on LinkedIn and I think I have a great programmer opportunity for you today! Can you tell me a little bit about your experience?
Recruiter: Hmm, um OK. Have you ever created programs using InDesign or Microsoft Word?
Me: Excuse me?
Recruiter: You know, anything like pamphlets or event brochures?
Me: Are you talking about physical paper programs such as those that accompany events/conferences?!
Recruiter: Yes! What else would I be taking about?
Me: I'm in the software development industry, so I thought you were talking about programming in that context.
Recruiter: Oh no! Those positions are for the men, sweety. I mean, I wouldn't expect any women to know that other techy stuff...
CS Teacher: *provides shitty code written in (I kid you FUCKING NOT) Microsoft Word, sans font*
Me: *Submits beautiful, fully working and commented code*
Half a point off because I didnt write how many points the assignment was worth at the very top of the code.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU CUNT GOBBLER?! YOU JUST **HAD** TO TAKE THAT HALF A POINT OFF, DIDNT YOU? MAYBE YOU'RE INTIMIDATED BY THE FACT I DONT USE MICROSOFT WORD TO WRITE C++?? God, I hope you take a nail gun to the eye.16
Resize a image in a document in Microsoft word................ 500 lines realign, border width changes, 4 graphs deleted, tsunami in ur city, earth's orbit shift by 2 meters.u want to die.5
I hate Munich. Instead of using Windows, the city administration had built their own Linux distro called LiMux for all of the ~30000 city's computers. They invested years into developing it, because, hey, it's open source! Now they used it for four years, and just as Microsoft opens an office in town, they throw it all overboard and go back to Windows. Why? Because, umm, they can't even use MS Word, what all the others use and such.
This is such a bullshit. You had a good thing going here, in times of NSA surveillance and monopolies. Munich is such a capitalistic town. I'm happy to have moved out of it for good.19
"Hey nephew, why doesn't the FB app work. It shows blank white boxes?"
- It can't connect or something? (I stopped using the FB app since 2013.)
"What is this safe mode that appeared on my phone?!"
- I don't know. I don't hack my smartphone that much. Well, I actually do have a customised ROM. But stop! I'm pecking my keyboard most of the time.
"Which of my files should I delete?"
- Am I supposed to know?
"Where did my Microsoft Word Doc1.docx go?"
- It lets you choose the location before you hit save.
"What is 1MB?"
- Search these concepts on Google. (some of us did not have access to the Internet when we learned to do basic computer operations as curious kids.)
"What should I search?"
"My computer doesn't work.. My phone has a virus. Do you think this PC they are selling me has a good spec? Is this Video Card and RAM good?"
- I'm a programmer. I write code. I think algorithmically and solve programming problems efficiently. I analyse concepts such as abstraction, algorithms, data structures, encapsulation, resource management, security, software engineering, and web development. No, I will not fix your PC.7
Teacher can't figure out how to use Ms word.
Says: "sorry. I use a different version of Microsoft than this."
What does that mean???8
Android Relative layout is similar to Microsoft Word.
Move the button a little bit and earth moves from it's orbit :/8
Dev from other team asked me for a code I had previously written. I emailed it.
Dev: Thanks, I received it but am not able to open the .py file
Me: Try using Microsoft Word.12
// family tech support
Dad: *Opens Microsoft Word*
Dad: *Writes stuff*
Dad: *Saves the file as "Doc1.docx" (every time)*
Dad: Son, where did I save my file? I can't find it.2
While using Microsoft word:
Moving a picture 1mm to the right
All text and images shuffle, two new sides appear and sirens are noticeable in the distance7
Things that still feel like they were yesterday:
- Microsoft buying Skype
- WiFi 802.11n
- USB 3.0
- Android 5.0, Material design
- Microsoft buying Nokia
- “Grid layout is an experimental technology”
Nobody even uses Skype anymore. I’m still looking for “is it support that WiFi n-word” when choosing a router. Yes it supports it. Everything that happened since 2009 supports it. Usb 3.0 was released in 2008, 12 years ago, and I’m still happy when it’s a blue connector instead of white. Android 5.0 was released 6 years ago.
I don’t understand HOW can I know that the newest but not exactly bleeding edge web specs like clamp function aren’t the newest and use them but still believe that grid layout is an experimental technology despite using it in production and FUCKING LOOKING AT CANIUSE TABLE and FUCKING THINKING THAT USB 3.0 WAS RELEASED JUST NOW while working on the laptop that FUCKING HAS TYPE C as its only port
It looks like somebody should go have his time perception module checked15
I caught my client SLASH boss SLASH project man SLASH designer SLASH "I want to make facebook but better" designing with microsoft word
That explain the calibri font in their logo9
I have seen it. They say it doesn't exist; just a story we tell our children so that their innocence does not lead them down into a nightmarish adulthood from which there is no salvation. But the evil lives. So vile that were you to look inside its soul, all you would find is a terrible desperation for suffering. To cause it. To revel in it. To bathe in the tears of those it considers less than human and feed off the emotional detritus.
It was 2009. The financial crisis. I was one of the lucky, having found refuge in a large company right before the jobs dried up. General IT: system administration, documentation, project management, telephony, software training, second level help desk. No software development, but with a two-year-old at home and Ph.D.s lining up outside the local Olive Garden whenever a help wanted sign was posted, I grabbed the health insurance and entered into darkness.
The Thing did not need to hunt it's prey. A manager title with 21 reports brought it new opportunities for fresh meat by the hour. But I was special. I resisted. I needed to know my place.
My first mistake was incomprehension. I did not understand the Thing's lust to be right at all costs. I was reviewing some documentation it had brought forth from its bowels. I mentioned that two spaces were being used between sentences. That proportional type made that unnecessary. It insisted, I was wrong. It insisted that Microsoft itself, the purveyor of all good technical writing, required two spaces. I opened the Microsoft Manual of Style for Technical Publications that it demanded its staff use and showed it that the spec was one space. It was livid. I was a problem.
From that point on my work life became exponentially more wretched. I was given three Outlook calendars to maintain: one with my schedule, one with the team's schedule and one with the Thing's schedule. Every time I had an appointment, I was to triple schedule it. If I was going to be away from my desk for more than 15 minutes triple schedule. Triple schedule my lunch, vacations, phone conferences.
Whenever it held a meeting, I and a colleague would be taken off mission critical IT projects to set tables with name tents and to serve as greeters as attendees arrived.
I was called into its crypt to be told never to say anything in a meeting unless I told the Thing beforehand what I was going to say. Naive, I mentioned that I often don't know what I will say as it is often in reply to someone else. Of course the response was that I should not say anything.
I would get emails 10-20 times a day asking about a single project. I would regularly complete work that was needed to be completed ASAP, only to have the Thing rake me over the coals for not completing it a week later. And upon resending the emails proving I notified it of the work being competed, disparaged at length a second time for not sending repeated notifications of the competed work.
I would have to sit in two-hour meetings to watch it type. Literally watch it try to create cogent thoughts. In silence.
I received horrendous annual reviews. At one, it created a development plan that stated a colleague would begin giving me lessons on the proper ways to socially interact with personnel. I pointed out to HR that this violated privacy concerns and would make the business liable in many areas, not least of which would be placing a help desk person in the role of defining proper business practice. HR made the Thing remove this from my review. She started planning to remove me.
I had given a short technical training to a group of personnel months earlier. Called into its tomb I was informed that feedback surveys on my talk were disturbing. One person stated that they did not think I was funny. Another wrote that I made an offensive statement. That person did not say what the offensive statement was. Just that I had said something he or she didn't like.
The Thing interviewed the training attendees. Gathered facts. Held three inquest-like meetings where multiple directors peppered me with questions trying to get me to confess to my offensiveness. In the end the request to fire me was brought to the man who ran the business at the time. The statement on high: "Humor is a subjective thing. Please tell This to be sensitive to that."
The Thing had failed, but would no doubt redouble its efforts. I had to find a new job. I sent hundreds of resumes. Talked to dozens of recruiters. But there were no jobs. And I had a family. And the wolf was at the door.
So I didn't say a word to the creature. For six months. Silence. At one group meeting it shrieked at me "what are you smirking at? If you've got something to say then say it!" I just shrugged. For my salvation was revealed. The Thing could not stand to be ignored. And at the end of my penance I was transferred to another group: Software Development.
I am one with the Force. The Force is with me. I am one with the Force. The Force is with me.4
Another fucking twat asking for a responsive html email when they are targeting outlook. IT USES THAT HEAP IF SHIT WORD AS A RENDERING ENGINE WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT! It's bad enough having to code them up using fucking tables and spacer gifs. Why do IT people stick religiously to Microsoft heap of shit applications... Oh I know it's because they are so fucking shit that it needs a full time twat just to get them through the fucking day. Fuck Microsoft. I guess you can sense I'm having a bad day, especially when my broadband decides to pack in, on and off all fucking day and the support twat puts me on hold then fucks off. FML14
So my in-laws got a new computer 😑
Yup you know where this is going. Ok so after I transferred all of their data set them all up etc.
They wanted to use "word" and could I set it up for free for them. I said no Microsoft office is not free you lost your license and disk and your old computer is trashed so the better choice would be Google services . So I explained the value of using Google drive, docs,sheets etc.. today and told them how much better it is everything would be on their Google drive so if I got hit by a bus they could get a new computer again and still have access to their data etc... So they said great and so I did.
Two weeks later... Can you set up word for us on our computer. Me annoyed at this point " sure no problem"
I made a shortcut on their desktop to Google docs. Them: oh boy this is great see John all you have to do is click on google docs to go to word! Thanks so much!
Although I dislike Microsoft tremendously, I had faith that they wouldn't be stupid enough to fuck up Github. Until I just read an article that the new CEO of Github will be the former CEO and co-founder of Xamarin, who says he wants to "make Github better at being Github".
A hybrid tool creator wants to make Github better. Ladies and gentlemen, we are fucked.7
Now I am afraid to open Microsoft Word, because there is always someone asking me "Why not use LaTeX?".14
I asked for a screenshot to help me assist with the problem.
I got an image inside a Microsoft Word document attached to a Facebook message.
COULDN'T YOU JUST ATTACK THE FUCKING IMAGE INSTEAD2
Client: The website is not working on my browser.
Me: What browser are you using?
Client: Microsoft Word
Some absolute cock-monkey fuck-nugget of a marketing director asked me the other week if I could implement a discount voucher system into a new side project / prototype we’re building.
I said ‘yeah sure but it’s a bit of a pain in the ass, i’ll have a look’
He said ‘you just let someone enter a code and that takes £10 off the total order value’
IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?!!
THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THAT TO ME YOU FUCKING ASS-CUNT. BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW HOW A FUCKING DISCOUNT VOUCHER WORKED, YOU ABSOLUTE MOUTH BREATHING WASTE OF FUCKING ORGANS.
I’LL JUST GO TYPE THAT INTO MICROSOFT WORD AND SAVE THE FILE TO THE MAGICAL CLOUD SHALL I?
“dear computer, take a voucher code from a user and take £10 off of there order value”
THERE YOU GO YOU PRICK; JOB DONE. SOFTWARE ENGINEERING IS EASY, EH?!
Accidentally Click on .doc file in File Manager
Microsoft word starts to open it
I press cancel.
Word- Attempting to cancel ....
And then opens it anyway.
Me - Wut?5
I forged a katana once, under the supervision of a swordsmith. Nothing super special like damascus patterning or anything, but the cutting edge was pretty sharp.
Ugh sorry, lame word jokes.
In terms of software...
Microsoft Office Ribbon (cutting edge at the time, lol). Only as a maintenance drone on a bunch of manual search-and-replace work and merge conflict resolving.
Ariane 6 family of rockets (Welding X-rays and other DICOM quality assurance).
Software for continuous flow chemistry, developing microfluidic PCBs to perform Elisa immunology assays during the Mexican flu outbreak. Idea was to eliminate the need for microplates, expensive robots, microwell washers, etc — just have blood plasma, enzymecoated nanoparticles, antigen, conjugated detection reagents and substrates flowing programmatically through a PCB with a spectrophotometer built in.8
Can anyone make a simplistic version control like git for microsoft word? I just want an easy check in, check out, and seeing the diff. Goddamn some of these tools got a lot of steps19
I went to this conference to see what’s new in MSSQL 2019, kubernetes container on azure and see what Microsoft has done to embrace open source community.
Speaker is from Microsoft, brings a Mac to the conference which I’m kool wit it,
but shortly after he started, Word crash at launch, PowerPoint freezes when switch between pages, azure cli can’t login properly.
And he goes ”this is awkward. “6
No Microsoft Word, I'm pretty fucking sure it's spelled Git and not Gilt.
#Preparing Code Review Docs5
One of the things I really hate on Windows (and Microsoft software in general) is that the keyboard shortcuts are localized therefore are different from 90% of the apps that I use on a daily basis.
Two examples of this (EN-US vs PT-PT):
- "Save" is "Gravar" while "Underline" is "Sublinhar". This means that whenever I press Ctrl + S to save a doc in MS Word I underline a word instead of saving the bloody document.
- "All" is "Tudo" so when I want to select all the itens on a folder in the File Explorer I have to press Ctrl + T, the same shortcut I press in pretty much every single tabbed app to open a new tab.
This is terrible for the user experience because different languages provide different keyboard shortcuts to the user which goes against the concept of the usefulness of a keyboard shortcut: perform an action from anywhere without having to know its menu or menu description.11
he: checkout my crazy FUD hack (a token stealer which turned out to be far more malicious than i anticipated)
me: executes it (yes in a VM)
windows defender: lemme delet this
he: ooh i forgot the word stub in there. microsoft detects that lemme fix that sends new file
me: here we go aga..
ms defender: nononono virus 117% delet this
he: i forgot it still!!
later i deactivated ms defender and analysed the traffic of the vm. in addition to stealing my fake tokens he also tried to read my Firefox/chrome history, IP.
when i asked him (2 days later) what this was all about in his "educational only" "token stealer" he threatened to
a) publish my IP
b) publish my browser history and with that my real name and address
b.0) when i asked him for proof he said he knows that my real name is "Roman Gräf" and i live in Frankfurt. (btw i do live in Frankfurt and that is in the profile of the discord server where he found me and i have the same username on discord as i have here)
c) to kill my machine and all my projects
got bored, blocked him, shut VM down.
"Installing... We'll be done in just a moment."
Well, Microsoft, it seems that you and I have a very different understanding of the word "moment".3
Just now I realized that for some reason I can't mount SMB shares to E: and H: anymore.. why, you might ask? I have no idea. And troubleshooting Windows.. oh boy, if only it was as simple as it is on Linux!!
So, bimonthly reinstall I guess? Because long live good quality software that lasts. In a post-meritocracy age, I guess that software quality is a thing of the past. At least there's an option to reset now, so that I don't have to keep a USB stick around to store an installation image for this crap.
And yes Windows fanbois, I fucking know that you don't have this issue and that therefore it doesn't exist as far as you're concerned. Obviously it's user error and crappy hardware, like it always is.
And yes Linux fanbois, I know that I should install Linux on it. If it's that important to you, go ahead and install it! I'll give you network access to the machine and you can do whatever you want to make it run Linux. But you can take my word on this - I've tried everything I could (including every other distro, custom kernels, customized installer images, ..), and it doesn't want to boot any Linux distribution, no matter what. And no I'm not disposing of or selling this machine either.
Bottom line I guess is this: the OS is made for a user that's just got a C: drive, doesn't rely on stuff on network drives, has one display rather than 2 (proper HDMI monitor recognition? What's that?), and God forbid that they have more than 26 drives. I mean sure in the age of DOS and its predecessor CP/M, sure nobody would use more than 26 drives. Network shares weren't even a thing back then. And yes it's possible to do volume mounts, but it's unwieldy. So one monitor, 1 or 2 local drives, and let's make them just use Facebook a little bit and have them power off the machine every time they're done using it. Because keeping the machine stable for more than a few days? Why on Earth would you possibly want to do that?!!
Microsoft Windows. The OS built for average users but God forbid you depart from the standard road of average user usage. Do anything advanced, either you can't do it at all, you can do it but it's extremely unintuitive and good luck finding manuals for it, or you can do it but Windows will behave weirdly. Because why not!!!16
Long time ago, back in a day of Microsoft Office 95 and 97, I was contracted to integrate a simple API for a payment service provider.
They've sent me the spec, I read it, it was simple enough: 1. payment OK, 2. payment FAILED. Few hours later the test environment was up and happy crediting and debiting fake accounts. Then came the push to prod.
I worked with two other guys, we shut down the servers, made a backup, connected new provider. All looked perfectly fine. First customers were paying, first shops were sending their products... Until two days later it turned out the money isn't coming through even though all we are getting from the API is "1" after "1"! I shut it off. We had 7 conference calls, 2 meetings, 3 days of trying and failing. Finally, by a mere luck, I found out what's what.
You see, Microsoft, when you invent your own file format, it's really nice to make it consistent between versions... So that the punctuation made in Microsoft Word 97 that was supposed to start from "0" didn't start from "1" when you open the file in Microsoft Word 95.
Also, if you're a moron who edits documentation in Microsoft Word, at least export it to a fucking PDF before sending out. Please.
My uncle: „You are good with computers, right? My Word is broken, repair that.“
Yeah sure, let me just call my bros at Microsoft and repair your Word with them 🤨
Remember my rant about having to write a newsletter which works with MS Outlook?
Remember that rant by @EclipseMain about teachers teaching how to build a website in MS word?
Well. The two just became united. I had finished the fking newsletter and was waiting for approval. They kept on introducing last minute changes, a commata here and there and whatnot. I literally was waiting for 2 weeks to send that shit out.
My boss gets the glorious idea that if I complain so much about Outlook and Microsoft, lets have the secretary design the newsletter from scratch, literally copying my design, in ms word... argument: one can send an html email out from word.
Then they ask me which one should be send out. I say I can apply the design suggestions to my newsletter but if we sent theirs, with all the weird fonts and being even less responsive then my suggestion, it would be even worse.
What the fuck.
Also: they let me waste a lot of time on this thing to tell me later oh we have money left lets hire a designer. Why not do that from the start? Ffs... <.<5
Hi every developer! My name is Allen. English is not my native language so forgive me if I say something that does not make any sense. Let me tell you my story how I become a programmer. (I am still learning) My first computer was a DELL OptiPlex GX 720 desktop. My father bought it for our self-employee job. Before he allow me to use the computer, I used to sit next to him and watching what he do, what he click and what he gets. When he allow me to use the computer, I was slow at typing. One or 2 WPM (word per minute) my father taught me how to use the computer. Very slowly, my typing speed improves. I understand how to use the computer. but one day, I do what make me regret. I was playing with some executables, when I double clicking it, it does not work I used to associate files with apps. I associate music files with every player I want. So, I did what I used to, I associate exe files with windows media center! The computer started to open hundreds of windows media center (WMC for short) whenever an app is clicked, it opens windows media center. Today, I realized that windows were trying to open every app and every process that regularly run. However, since I associate it with WMC, instead of the app itself, it opens WMC some days after the mistake, I wonder how apps work and how I can create my own. My father told me before that a program is simply a binary file that the computer can read. However, it was too advanced to me at the time.I begin my search with google. Everytime I search, it says "learn to code" or something like that. I see some C++ code but, it was disgusting. when I read just a few lines of a hello world code in java. it was too complex
What I seen
(&*%&$ (_(*^% #&&* (^^$(&^$%^( %^*$())
^$70^(`*#%`*#&%^)*!" Hello world "#@
The actual code:
public static void main(String args)
I look for an easy way but my attempts fail. then. I push
I to learn how to code.I try learning java. but it still
Very complex. i tried LibertyBASIC. from LibertyBASIC to
Java. after learning LibertyBASIC, it was easy!
LibertyBASIC -> Java -> Ruby -> NOW, C# and XAML
Today, I am learning C# and XAML.
My first OS : Windows 7
My first Computer : DELL OptiPlex GX 720
My first successful click : The Start menu
My first used App : Microsoft Encarta 2009
My first created App : Hi-Lo(number-guessing game. written in LibertyBASIC)
Thankyou for reading this Long story.
Unpopular opinion :
“X company will use blockchain for Y and Z” doesn’t mean fucking nothing and no one cares a dick.
Blockchain is a nice word for a database.
Your shitcoin isn’t going to pump because of IBM or Lamborghini using blockchain.
Microsoft didn’t pump its stocks for people using MS SQL (probably but because it’s their product and products make money, so still not related) .
Get a Xanax and stop dreaming of whatever reality that exists only in your dreams, tinfoil head.
Addressed to a good half of my twitter followers base. Thank you.17
I use Windows at home. Linux at work.
The last couple of days I was "forced" to work in Windows due to the need of Microsoft Word for documentation.
I just noticed today, that when I rebooted and entered Gnome shell again, it felt like coming home.
Today's project was answering the question: "Can I update tables in a Microsoft Word document programmatically?"
My coworker got the ball rolling by showing that the docx file is just a zip archive with a bunch of XML in it.
The thing I needed to update were a pair of tables. Not knowing anything about Word's XML schema, I investigated things like:
- what tag is the table declared with?
- is the table paginated within the table?
- where is the cell background color specified?
Fortunately this wasn't too cumbersome.
For the data, CSV was the obvious choice. And I quickly confirmed that I could use OpenCSV easily within gradle.
The Word XML segments were far too verbose to put into constants, so I made a series of templates with tokens to use for replacement.
In creating the templates, I had to analyze the word xml to see what changed between cells (thankfully, very little). This then informed the design of the CSV parsing loops to make sure the dynamic stuff got injected properly.
I got my proof of concept working in less than a day. Have some more polishing to do, but I'm pretty happy with the initial results!6
Microsoft Word is a fucking trash product.
1. When using Macro enabled templates for more than 45 minutes, my i5 SSD starts lagging to 3rd century.
2. A single alignment or format change nukes the entire document at once. One has to manually rearrange everything. After some changes, it still does not pick up automatically and the cycle repeats.
3. What annoys me, is that the disastrous changes are picked automatically even if the default is set the something else.
4. One cannot change the default format of a document. JUST WHYYYYY????? Everytime I open a new document, I have to go through a ritualistic process to setup my desired layout and structure.
I just hate how Microsoft has great products but fuck ups completely on details. Over the years, there's very little that changed in this product.
My day-to-day business runs on MS Word and I am so pissed at this garbage.13
Taking a for-giggles training on reverse engineering... It's theory. Basic level theory. Posted 6 months ago.
"someone might want to reverse engineer Microsoft Word in order to change its code so that it could be run on a Mac."
Are we ignoring how old Word has had Mac support????
Writing a paper in Microsoft Word and I can't stop pressing esc then :w when wanting to save,or :wq when wanting to save and quit, or :q! when wanting to rage and quit.3
Can we just give a round of applause to the brilliant recruiters that decided to add Microsoft Word as a requirement.
You know...to weed out all the computer illiterate software engineers......7
Fuck having to optimize newsletter for fucking outlook which uses Word engine to render html newsletters.. Microsoft, what the fuck bro?17
FYI: pressing alt + up does not move current line up in Microsoft Word. Just realized I am not in Visual Studio Code anymore.6
Never thought I'd say this but...I wish IE6 was back for Outlook.
//After Outlook 2003, Microsoft decided that MS Word was a better renderer for emails than IE6 was, what the hell Microsoft?! Get it together man.4
Me: Does Microsoft does beta testing before launching updates?
MS: YOU ARE THE NEW BETA TESTER, WELCOME!4
First off, what do you mean by ´people like me´?
Do I look like an outer-space creature to you when you look at my profile? Or are you looking for a do-not-feed sign at the side of my wooden fence?
What even, .. I'm human, like you, you moron with a missing 'sapien'.
It's kinda ironic, as you can't even abide the maximum length your message has, which you speak of. Therefore I reckon you lost the second 'sapien' too.
Yes, now you may call me "people", and yourself... well you're mute. You monkey.
Just rambling. /ignored6
Fuck my life! I have been given a task to extract text (with proper formatting) from Docx files.
They look good on the outside but it is absolute hell parsing these files, add to these shitty XML human error and you get a dev's worst nightmare.
I wrote a simple function to extract text written in 'heading(0-9)' paragraph style and got all sorts of shit.
One guy used a table with borders colored white to write text so that he didn't have to use tabs. It is absolute bullshit.2
What the fuck Microsoft !! Your android apps are total piece of shit! Fucking outlook Android app don't have support to view doc file which is created using your shitty Microsoft teams portal.
If I click on that doc file link through my outlook app, you redirect me to chrome.
Ok that's still acceptable. But the real shit starts now. You tell me that your browser isn't supported! Is this fucking joke?? Who in the world develops a website which can't support latest version of Android chrome?
Now that I have installed your shitty Microsoft teams app, it doesn't show up in "open with" options. Clicking on that link is still redirecting to the chrome saying that browser is unsupported.
Also, your shitty Microsoft teams app can't edit fucking doc file. When I click on your Microsoft word icon, You again ask me to install Android app for Microsoft word.
Seriously fuck you Microsoft and your shitty apps!1
With all M$ buying GitHub thing i really hope some good things will come out of it like:
- Better version control inside Visual Studio.
- Microsoft making its projects more open source, since it now has an official platform for itself.
- Faster and better service from GitHub since there is now a much bigger budget for servers and other things.
But there are some things that i think are worth thinking about:
- Will this be another one of Microsoft's paid services?
- Will there be "intergration" into the Office apps along Skype, Word and others?
Most likely, none of the bad things happen but me being paranoid as i am, I'd prepare. I always try to be optimistic and just ignore it for now until Microsoft start doing things.1
Back when Microsoft was in your face about updating to Windows 10, my friend decided to update his *brand new*<(key word) laptop to Windows 10. Soon after the update he was getting an error message saying that his graphics card is missing. 😐2
Documenting. Starting Microsoft Word to fill in a preconfigured template. It contains two numbered lists, but the numbering incorrectly continues from the first list to the second. Right-click > numbering > Set Numbering Value > Start new list. Bang! MS Word fucks up the complete formatting, margins, tabs, paragraph spacing... But the list numbering still continues from the first list to the second.
I SO FUCKING HATE MICROSOFT WORD FOR WINDOWS!!!7
When searching for "microsoft" in Ubuntu apps, it results in all libreoffice apps. And similarly, a search for "microsoft word", shows "libreoffice writer" as a result and same thing happens with other microsoft office products.
A very simple thing but pretty neat if you ask me.6
Fuck you, Microsoft.
It's in the smallest details, like Office, that you just CAN'T install properly on Linux. I tried Wine, Winetricks, PlayOnLinux, went through like 10 different tutorials when I got stuck...
Even when I got Office 2013 relatively working (and then couldn't uninstall it later), the formatting got fucked all over the place. And none of the open source replacements do the proper formatting. Even OnlyOffice, that doesn't even have RTL (still!), gets it wrong.
And I know, dear Microshit, that you transferred to OOXML and many other word editors support it as well, but it still doesn't work like it should and you STILL refuse to release an Office bundle for Linux. In a world where I'm surrounded by MS users, I can't even view a word document properly, let alone edit it in a normal way.
If there's a way Microsoft can keep their clutch on the PC users, it's these small things, and for that - FUCK YOU MICROSOFT.37
Short story: My first distributed program was what I used to get my first girlfriend: A program that told her all the things I was too shy to say and ask the things I was too afraid to ask... Including "will you be my girlfriend?" Fun times 😄1
-- What if HTML was a programming language?
-- What if our data online isn't abstract but physical?
-- What if geeks have their own country?
-- What if humans exist and we are the aliens?
-- What if the internet is state-owned?
-- What if we could download food just like every other downloadables?
-- What if my VSCode won't kill me when switched to light theme?
-- What if there was no gender and the word "female" is just an alias for "male"?
-- What if bugs could find and fix themselves?
-- What if there's no need for an account password?
-- What if Linux was owned by Microsoft?
-- **What if I could tell my boss that I'm tired of his fucking job without actually telling my boss? This is the actual what if.**27
A toss up between Apple and Microsoft...
Apple I use to love because I used an iPhone exclusively and loved iOS but the more and more I moved into the cloud. The more and more I started hating the lack of online tools like word processing and the like so eventually led me to disliking them but now I hate them exclusively because of there hardware fragmentation, the lack of consistency between there hardware really irritates me...
And Microsoft came from in an instant, I use to love windows and use it exclusively but as soon as I discovered Linux and got my first taste of it through Ubuntu I started hating windows compared to Linux but now I hate the company because of their two faced ways, will state they support the open source community yet only throw actual support when they clearly can't be beaten and give in...
(Can feel the hate coming my way so all good!)3
I just pulled an all-nighter to write an usability testing protocol in Microsoft Word for a medical mobile app.
- statement of consent and privacy declaration; easy: 1 hour
- structuring the protocol and writing the different use cases; easy: 1-2 hours
- layouting the document so the tables don't look like utter shit and adding dotted lines into the columns so the user can write in it without fucking up the whole document when resizing a simple column width; a fucking nightmare: 5 hours
Why is the creation of a nice layout so inefficient to the point where I'd rather design a form in CSS and send it to my printer, get your shit together!3
Holy fucking shit are email clients bullshit.
I don't know what happened there but if you thought the chrome-firefox-ie-egde gaps back in the days were sick - let me tell you.. email clients are made by the devil himself. All of them. All of them? Yup. Because he made some of them being owned by apple, working beatuiful and no weird stuff.
But on the same end he made some of them owned by microsoft and their office Studios. They use the word engine to render html emails. Read this again. Read it without starting to cry in agony.
But thats not enough. Let's make some of them use an ie-engine and the mac os variants going to use some webkit based renderer. This way there will be no valid ruleset to make it look good on all of them, isn't this great??
Now this might be hell already. But lets pour more salt into these wide opened wounds.
Let there be Germany and United Internet, owning trash like Web.de and GMX, whose android clients going to work completely different across Android and app-versions!
Once you've mastered these, let me introduce you to gmail. Lets take only the body node of your email and do some fuck up with it, so you have to display a non-responsive variant on mobile.
Now you might be thinking "but there are web-based clients, they'll do good ain't they?" Long story short: fuck you.
Let's go back to ms.
Hey dude lets make it possible to scale up your whole system. So old people can read shit better. And now the funny part: let's make it so that the word rendering engine, rendering emails goes completely mayhem on your mail, so it looks like a completely different thing! (:
If you ever receive a newsletter in your inbox and that shit looks like it's planned to look like.. appreciate that shit. Sacrifice a virgin as thanksgiving for it.
E-Mail needs to die. I'm doing this for over 2 years now and this shit needs to stop asap.4
I got so used to vim like bindings on spacemacs, i3wm, firefox(with vimium) in such a way that I was pressing j and k on Microsoft Word like a moron and wondering why that shit isn't scrolling up or down.
From the bottom of my heart I swear the thing that frustrates me the most in this industry is over complicating simple things. Making simple ideas overly convoluted makes me cry.
I mean why have a dedicated Windows server, that you login to via Windows Remote desktop, just to edit a Word document in a bespoke program that is running running Microsoft Word inside it anyway. Why not just just Word? Why spend a year developing such a system for a problem that simply doesn'y exist.
I asked what benefit this has over me just editing a Word file myself on my laptop. In short, their answer was none.
The other apparent benefit to the system was the ability to jump to specific parts of the document. Well after showing them how to do a table of contents, they saw no need for their existing system.
I'm amazed sometimes how simple ides get discussed to death, unnecessary mammoth systems get built, that ultimately solve a problem that does not exist.
Todo list when you tell someone you are developer:
1. Fix slow computer
2. Remove virus.
3. Help with Microsoft Word
4. Check why printer is not working
THE FUCK MICROSOFT?! HOW COULD YOU FUCK UP ALT+BACKSPACE IN WORD 2016 WHAT IS THIS SHIT SUPPOSED TO DO IT MAKES NO SENSE, YOU CANNOT EVEN UNDO IT WHAT FAGGOT TESTED YOUR UI WHILE BEEING HIGH ON REDMOND DIRT. AND WHICH KIND OF MASTURBATING MONKEY IMPLEMENTED THIS SHIT.8
This is another high school story. mostly because i’m in high school.
like most schools we have horrible forced passwords. Our school recently purchased microsoft 365. which means we all use outlook for our emails. the logins for our district follow the sand format.
s + first five of last name (x’s for missing letters) + first letter of your first name + the last three of your student id.
so for example Sean Peterson 456705 would be speters705. since we have outlook we can look up a persons name and get their email which gives you the last three of their password. All passwords start with a 4 and most are followed by a five so you pretty much can get 5 out of the 6 numbers in their password.
so to mess with my friends i signed into all of their accounts and messed with their emails so they thought they were getting random emails. and then i made word documents on all of their accounts and just pretty much messed with all of their school stuff.
so that’s my “hacking” story. my district doesn’t allow you to change your password so i’m pretty much stuck. pls help.4
So I have bought a new laptop and this time instead of straight up booting linux I had an idea of giving micro$oft a try, so I have decided to use only their services for 2 weeks.
To be honest, I really did not expect windows to use do much cpu and hdd during updates and background tasks, but after a day it was ok and windows feels snappier than during my last encounrer (maybe cause the new hw?).
I was even so dedicated that I started to use cortana and I have to tell, that she is dumb as fuck, since she fails to understand even the basic tasks and if u want something advanced, she refers to the next update. But boy, tell her to open Visual Studio and she asks if you want VS Code or Visual Studio, which seems great. But my response was 'Code' then she insisted that I said Coke. Im like OK, Im not native english speaker, lets try Visual Studio Code, where she told me that there is no such thing and Spelling VS - Code ended me in bing search for Unesco :/
I really want to like Cortana, she has nice name, nice history, but she is like that A girl from class, who looks gorgeous, has great voice, but then u reallise that she just eats a book before exam and after that she is that dumb basic hoe.
I also gave a shot to Bing and Edge. Bing is something between Google and DuckDuckGo, since it gives you a liiitle less results from search history, yet if you want to find something in different language its even possible to tell you that what are you trying to find does not exist.
But I have to tell, that I like Edge and I mean it. Like... Its fast and has some good features, like pushing all your open tavs away, so you can open them Later. It also does not have that stupid ass feature that lets you control tab from left to right, not by chronological order, so you wont end up in infinity loop of 2 tabs. And even if people make fun of M$ trying to convince you to use Edge by being too aggresive. God go on edge and try to use some Google Service(You still dont use chrome?!).
I also tried to play with .Net core and I have to tell that against java they are a bit further. I liked some small features, but what I just simply loved was rhe fucking documentation. You basically dont need google, sincw they give you examples and explain in a human way.
What I didnt quite get was the 'big' Visual Studio. Tje dark theme to me feels strange(personal and irrelevant). Why the hell I do need to press 2 shortcuts to duplicate line?! Why is it so hard to find a plugin to give me back my coloured brackets and why the fuck it takes like a second to Cut one line of code on a damn i7?!
Visual studio Code was something different. It shows how dark theme should be done, the plugin market is full of stuff and the damn shortcuts are not made for octopi. So I have to recommend it ^^.
I even gave a shot to word and office as a whole and fuck I never knew that there are so many templates. It really made my life easier, since all you need to do is find the right one in the app, instead of browsing templates online, where half of them are for another version of your text editor.
Android Launcher was fast, had a clever widget of notes and the sync was pretty handy to be honest so I liked that one as well.
What made me furious was using the CLI. Godfucking damn what the fuck is ipconfig?! :/
Last thing what made me superbhappy was using stuff without wine and all of the addional shit. Especially using stuff like Afinity Designer and having good looking apps in general. I mean Open source has great tools l sometimes with better functionality. But I found out, that what is pleasure to look at, is pleasure to work with.
To Summarize a bit.
It wasnt that bad as I expected. I see where they are heading with building yet another ecosystem of It just works and that they are aiming at professionals once again.
So I would rate it 6/10, would be 7 if that shit was Posix compatible.
I know that for Balmer is a special place in hell... But with that new CEO, Microsoft at the end may make it to purgatory..5
That feeling when a student in your project group draws a use case diagram with Microsoft word,i have lost faith in humanity.
"F*ck Microsoft!" **posts online using Windows**
Well thanks to them, I was able to finish my f*cking project in college using Microsoft Office.8
I once used some Windows theme hack in Windows 7 to be able to get a dark background in Explorer.
As a side-effect, Microsoft Word shows me the same dark background as well for its documents even though I didn't tell it to. I didn't mind, though...
But now the fun part: When I wanted to print out the document, it prints with that same dark background... seriously, is this shit hardcoded in?! No wonder you couldn't get a proper dark theme with Windows 7!
(I hope Windows 10 full dark theme won't have this weird issue!)3
Aligning things in Microsoft Word is officially more difficult than aligning them in CSS.
Change my mind.7
Just any time at all I had to use Microsoft Word 98 as a kid. Rip every paper ever before I learned to save constantly.
When the graphic designer adds new areas (divs, icons, sliders) to your website mockup without consulting you.. You ask why he added them.. His response... Just drag and drop the new stuff in.. I think he think I make websites in Microsoft Word.1
My mistake for using edge. Uggggggg I hate microsoft. My parents don't know how to use word. How could they know how to set up parental controls.
Was asked which I liked better, the blue circle with white Times New Roman letters squeezed in the middle, or the not-kidding Comic Sans version. I asked if they might consider using something easier on the eyes like, say, Helvetica, and was told that they had no idea what that looked like and besides it wasn't available in Microsoft Word when the logo was designed.2
So yes, Microsoft is scanning my emails for keywords. I tried to send an email using the word PFA and did not attach any file. It gives a pop up to attach one.3
Sure you can specify svg object attributes x, y, width and height in metric values like mm and after put things on paper get same printed output but if you want to transform svg object you need to calculate new values by yourself cause you can’t simply provide translate (10mm, 10mm).
Now I ended up with manually converting values to mm.
Making free transform tool for exact document data rendering inside browser is pain in the ass.
I started to wonder how google docs or microsoft word for web deal with this stuff.2
It's getting to the point where I can put on my resume "make Word formating more gooder". It's amazing how dumb this is making me feel for how often I have to do it.1
Microsoft Word - what the fuck are you doing?
It decided to do whatever-the-fuck-is-going-on-the-screenshot thing before I had the chance to save anything.2
Yesterday, friend asked me to help her with some homework that used Microsoft Access. Reluctantly, I agreed. Upon seeing her textbook, I realized why on earth she's using Access. It's a Shelly Cashman Series textbook, a brand I hate with an utter passion for many reasons. Her book was an updated version of the one I used for "Introduction to Computers" at my first school 3 years ago, in which I learned how to use Win7, Word, PowerPoint, Excel, and Access. Nothing, in Access or that book, has changed since then.
Additionally, mom is planning on going back to college hopefully this summer, the same one I first went to. She too will have to take the Intro to Computers class, and the next semester (which may be fall if she gets summer classes), she'll have a whole class that solely uses Access for everything.
My friends and especially family should be glad I've worked with databases and Access before and can explain everything...2
-Be Friday morning
-Be me sleeping, I have my vacation.
-Got SMS from secretary that her office (MS office 2013 pro) not working Word, Excel, Outlook.
-Ignored, still sleeping
-After hour received call from her. Answered say I will be after half a hour.
Got shower, breakfast and went there.
-an old error appeared again. Can't open any of programs, same error, can't remember error codes. But it's update or something breaks it, tried reinstalling, but it will shows up again. Quicker fix is repair.
-turned off updates cuz I don't want to deal with this everyday.
Anyway. Fuck Microsoft monkeys for not testing their shit before releasing1
I hate when the client gives you their "beautiful" html templates designed in Microsoft Word and then later asks you to modify that heaping pile of garbage 😂1
Why do people keep using .doc files? I've just downloaded a ZIP with 4 Word documents, 3 .docx and ONE .doc, what's wrong with whoever did this?13
Rewriting some fractal generation code for a client in Python. his original code was in Visual Basic. he sent me his original code as a fucking Microsoft Word document...............
I use Microsoft Word like once a month. Every time I open Word there is an update to all of the Office Apps. And the update take like half an hour to complete.
I usually like updates and install them, because I hope that the new version maybe patches a bug or makes the software more efficient, but unspecified updates that often is frustrating.2
Well, jokes on me, I'm using MS Word (latest) for my master thesis. I know, i know, I should use LaTeX for such things or Scrivener, but I just had enough of that bullshit of learning another language which costs me time that I don't have.
Back to my problem: I don't get why for christ sake that SmartArt bullshit was programmed in the first place!?!? It lacks of everything to configure and gives you just a pain in the ass whenever you use it!
Whoever designed that peace of crap should use that shit forever as punishment!
I HATE MICROSOFT! WHY WAS THIS COMPANY EVER ALLOWED TO EXIST!?!?!
I was in the first grade and my dad worked at the government as a budget officer. We didn't have a computer at that time, though. So, my Dad let me use his PC at his office. My first interaction with computers, started with just one program, Microsoft Word, which Dad used most of his documents.
What I did to immerse myself with computers for the first time as a first-grader was by typing my name in Times New Roman and printed it with my dad's printer. I was very impressed of how a computer can do at that time.
And that sole program was my starting point of my fascination with computers and how it motivated me to learn more about computers.
"Suppose I showed you two rooms where in one a group of programmers was developing a program to monitor a heart patient and keep him alive until the doctors arrive if something goes wrong and in the other a group of street people was using Microsoft Word to write letters to their parole officers. You would not be able to tell the rooms apart." - Richard P. Gabriel4
please i need your advice :)
I need to reform a service that offers legal advice and thus serves around 5000 Microsoft Word legal advice documents for the end user and every year there are 200 more documents created and published and changed manually.
So i had this idea to use a CMS, Git and continuous integration for
- automatic spell checking
- automatic assigning the copy text to translation bureaus, and get translations back.
- version control the texts and translations.
- document generation in multiple formats
- checking the text flow in the document (no overflown text)
- Checking for accessibility for the handy caped
- Deploying it on the Website
Do you think this is feasible? Can something that was made for code also be used to handle copy text documents? In my head this would save so much work but i'm no expert in CI/CD.
Thank you for your advice!8
People who write php and laravel together as their skills are the same who think knowing Microsoft word is the most impressive thing about them. Because notepad is too mainstream.1
I've always longed for a possibility to just change the source of a picture in MS Word, not having to delete a pic, insert it again and do any settings/adjustments over again. And so it turned out the other day that it has been there all along! Right-click a pic and pick "Ändra bild..."("Change picture..."). It's just that "Ändra" in Swedish means "change" in the sense that you modify or alter something. In this context it would be like editing the picture itself or its settings. A better word would be "Byt" which also means change, but in the sense that you replace something with something. If anyone at Microsoft is reading this, please change "Ändra bild..." to "Byt bild...". If this had been right from start, it would have saved me hours of unnecessary work over the years.
What will you recommend to me ( for my IT studies where I code in C and Ada ) between an ultrabook with a VM Linux to use the terminal (compile/use graphics libraries) and a Macbook Pro?
(I'd like to keep Microsoft Word, Excel and PowerPoint, and other app only available on windows and mac)4
Need a counter to play in a 2d game. 'Make it look 3d and good' they said. Fuck. Everything I do in Sketchup looks tacky AF. It's a piece to play on a white board with a black grid, like extended noughts and crosses. It doesn't need much.
Hello Microsoft Word, hello drawing tools, long time no see.1
What you are seeing is a serialized 16 Word pages, 50 questions multiple choice quiz, I had to manually transform as it needed some formatting like subscripts and superscripts and the guy that did this did some awful things, like using spaces to make some text go to the next line...
I need to make that quiz builder asap.1
!rant: Does anyone here work as a Microsoft Dynamics NAV developer of consultant? Or used to? I would really much like hear a little about what it involves on a daily basis, before jumping straight in...
Or if you work with ERP, CRM or BI in general I'd like a word with you. 😀
I have pictures of me as a tiny toddler, playing on our family computer. I remember "working" on Microsoft Word for hours on end as a kid.
Microsoft Word. Back in the day, that's what was used to write documentation.
I would give up after many unsuccessful attempts to get tables, indentation and numbering to work just the way I wanted them to.
When I work extra hours on weekends, so I can finally take a break from Microsoft Word and write some code for a change. It's going on for a second week now, if not longer 😢1
Make an application that, whenever the left mouse button was clicked, it would open a dialog asking if the user really wants to close the top window if activated. Every time they would click it would say "Are you sure you want to close Microsoft Word?", in Word, for example.
UAHHHH.... I feel like in the 90s....
It didn’t happen for a long long time for me but now Word (2010 for the people who want to know) crashed and my last two pages are lost...
Yeah yeah.... save often.... save early.... before you press the insert page number button... uahhhh3
While you are reading this, Windows 10 is installing sh*t in your gaming PC
This is silly. Something made with Word 2010 got fucked up and I can't fix it in there. Shoved the file over to the laptop with Word 2016, fixed it there, saved with compatibility on for older versions of Word, and shoved it back. Word 2010 opens it fine and it won't get fucked up (for) now. (And file size got reduced with almost 200kb?!)
I think our company really needs to upgrade our office suite.. :P