My mom died when I was 7, after which my dad bought me a Commodore 64 so I had something to lose myself in during the mourning process.

I learned everything about that system, from my first GOTO statement to sprite buffers, to soldering my own EPROM cartridges. My dad didn't deal with the loss so well, and became a missing person 5 years later when I was 12.

I got into foster care with a bunch of strict religious cultists who wouldn't allow electronics in the house.

So I ran away at 14, sub-rented a closet in a student apartment using my orphan benefits and bought a secondhand IBM computer. I spent about 16 hours a day learning about BSD and Linux, C, C++, Fortran, ADA, Haskell, Livescript and even more awful things like Visual Basic, ASP, Windows NT, and Active Directory.

I faked my ID (back then it was just a laminated sheet of paper), and got a job at 15-pretending-to-be-17 at one of the first ISPs in my country. I wrote the firmware and admin panel for their router, full of shitty CGI-bin ASP code and vulnerabilities.

That somehow got me into a job at Microsoft, building the MS Office language pack for my country, and as an official "conflict resolver" for their shitty version control system. Yes, they had fulltime people employed just to resolve VCS conflicts.

After that I worked at Arianespace (X-ray NDT, visualizing/tagging dicom scans, image recognition of faulty propellant tank welds), and after that I switched to biotech, first phytogenetics, then immunology, then pharmacokynetics.

In between I have grown & synthesized and sold large quantities of recreational drugs, taken care of some big felines, got a pilot license, taught IT at an elementary school, renovated a house, and procreated.

A lot of it was to prove myself to the world -- prove that a nearly-broke-orphan-high-school-dropout could succeed at life.

But hey, now I work for a "startup", so I guess I failed after all.

Almost, Google Lens... Almost...

Spotted this insecure motorbike

Nice new scrollbars feature Spotify, but

1. This song isn't 05:34 minutes long
2. That position hardly seems like 05:01/05:34
3. The point is stuck at 05:01 while the song is playing

"So, why do you want to work at our office in mexico?"
"I want to be a señor developer."

Finished my first Advent of Code! ☃️ Pretty excited about that. Used Rust this year. Day 18 and 20 were brutal! Especially 18: it was the last one I finished just now.

Anyway, Happy Holidays everyone! 🎄

# HELLO NEWBIE HERE
```
planning to
support
markdown??
```

My girlfriend gifted me this custom made mug on my birthday

Dear client,

Every email you send me slows me down.

So that piece of work you keep bugging me about that you want done sooner and then adding other problems on top and then asking about it everyday even though we have already discussed this, it's going to be delayed,... due to your incessant emailing!

And just because you have been busy all year and finally slowing down doesn't mean I'm slowing down!

Come on holidays to no reception or internet service!

There's a spending machine in my job that uses a tablet with an app as the interface. I downloaded Spotify, put some music and switch back to the app. It's funny to see the people trying to find where the music came from.

🤔 If developers were linguists...

Person 1: How do you say "????" in Italian?

Person 2: Why don't you use Japanese? It's a much better language.

That moment of satisfaction when someone in Antarctica has downloaded your app. 🤗

A friendly reminder that Deutsche Bahn fucking sucks.

Their trains show up 10 minutes later than they would have to everyday.

Once I saw that there was a train that was 120+ minutes late.

Today I had to wait almost 20 minutes at a SINGLE train station. Thus I couldn't enter the next train.

To my luck the next train arrives in an hour.

EDIT:

As a student it makes my life way harder than it already is.

It is not reliable at all.

They charge you with 60€ if you forget your ticket btw.

I don't forget my ticket though. My ticket is my campus card.

Their tickets are fucking overpriced and they are always damn late. I ain't paying for that shit. I would rather ride with a horse to the university than paying for a ticket.

Second EDIT as an update:

They just announced that my next train is going to come 10 minutes later. What a bloody surprise, eh?

Kill him!!

Did that with Cat a lot of times !

😂😂.

You guys have dev duck.
I have dev snail 🐌

Here's the design, you just code it.

CSS debug 😂😂😂

We've all seen how dbrand do and it's fucking glorious but... Oof dbrand with the fucking burns...

Finally I got there. Amsterdam duck store. Thank you devranter who showed that here 😍

Actual pic of a 10x engineer: does a force push as a safety measure, ends up blowing up the whole repository.

I mean, they're not wrong...

~During app demo to our client~

- And when you click here the request will be submitted, the admin will be notified.
*App crashes*
- And of course the app will close itself since it's the end of the process.
- Client: That's good
- Me: ⊙﹏⊙

I am a home owner. Bought an apartment. Yay! 🎊🎉👌👍✊

Rumour has it the driver is still stuck inside...

I'm the biggest dumbass, the laziest procrastinator I know of..

Joined devRant in June 2017, got eligible for the stickers in a week's time, sent a mail requesting them, but never received it. Given the size of our community, I thought I'm way behind in the list and probably receive them in few months. After a year, I totally forgot about it.

But, the colossal stupid that I am, had also lost the key to my mailbox (the physical one). I never cared about the lost key, because who sends post these days !!!

When I finally got a duplicate key for my mailbox after 2 years, guess what I found.. a first class international mail from devRant which arrived on July 2017 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️, couple of weeks after I originally requested

But, yay... I finally got them..

Not my mom, but my girlfriends grandmother. I told her that I am a software developer, a guy who makes the programs which run on computers.

She became really excited about that, because finally she found someone to repair her 40-year-old radio. I told her that I have no fucking idea about radios, but she did not want to hear that. So I looked at the case, randomly pushed some buttons and again told her, that I could not find the broken part, let alone repair it. But she didn't listen and told me to open the case and look inside.

Sighingly I opened the radio, looked at the inner parts and told her once more, that I don't know anything about this stuff. She told me to look more closely. About to lose my mind about this pointless task, I finally told her, that "the transistor" is the problem and that the best thing she could do is to throw it away and buy a new radio. She was happy with that answer.

Yell globally

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