working in P@*nHub?
I tell you what is worst

Our testers want us devs to start paying 50 cents for each bug the testers find. But they won't agree to paying us devs 50 cents for each bug that makes it into production.

Went to recruit some interns at a CS school in my area. Talked to their teacher in charge of internships and asked her about their students skills in Java. She said they all are very solid in JavaScript. I left immediately.

Rant!

A colleague bought a mechanical keyboard to the office today.

Pro: if you miss a deadline you can blame that colleague.

Con: schizophrenia.

May I interrupt your scrolling for an important message:

WE GOT IT, Y' ALL HATE GRADLE

carry on

A recursive bar walks into itself.

Boss comes in and gives me some js code for syncing data (he hacked it together the other day, really messy with like 5 callback lamdas stacked into each other)

Boss: Make it faster and more reliable and add some progress indicator

So i look at the code and he literally pulls all the data as one json (20+ MiB). Server needs multiple minutes to generate the response (lots of querys), sometimes even causing timeouts....

So i do what everyone would do and clean up the code, split the request into multiple ones, only fetching the necessary data and send the code back to my boss.

He comes in and asks me what all this complexity is about. And why i need 5 functions to do what he did in one. (He didn't -.-). He says he only told me to "make it faster and show progress" not "to split everything up".
So I ask him how he wants to do this over HTTP with just one request...
His response: "I don't care make it work!".

Sometimes i hate my job -.-

I was going to wait out hurricane Harvey by programming, but i Just realized my house is about to flood.

Oh joy.

Happy Birthday Linux 🎉🎉

Current me

This is how heaven looks?

I am currently at vacation and staying at a campsite.
There is a WLAN called 'Seecamping1'.
Well I had to try cracking their password...
First attempt: The name of the WLAN, didn't work.
Second attempt: 1234567890

...

Guess what.
It worked lol

So apparently the Android O mascot is female... Look, Google it's great your trying to be diversified but... It's an Oreo... A fucking Oreo...

(And this is coming from a Google fan boy)

Talk about tough questions.

Thinking/saying: nah, that can't be an issue, no user can be that stupid

Never has anyone been so wrong.

What...

How did they coded Stackoverflow before Stackoverflow?

We had issues with lack of disk space on our production SQL server. Another developer decided to delete the databases he thought weren't in use to clear some space.

Ever think about checking first?!

Production chaos!

For coffee lovers.

Today I dropped and updated a database to override it with local changes. Turned out the same dB was used by another project.

I just destroyed a week worth of work and content.

Good thing I took a dump before dropping everything. Got it running in 5 Minutes

When your client sends a cropped screenshot of the API keys and you spend half an hour typing it out multiple times trying to match it and failing, then another 30min trying to explain the simple process of copying and pasting text.

You can send a cropped screenshot but not use Ctrl-C Ctrl-V or right-click copy right-click paste.

"Alright everyone, we can't keep this up. Every day our builds are breaking because of test failures."

"We could just be more diligent devs and actually write/update tests based on new behavior we introduce to the system?"

"What? No! We're just going to get rid of all tests!"

a few days later

"Guys!!! Everything's on fire now! How didn't we catch these huge breaking changes!"

https://media3.giphy.com/media/...

I'll just leave this here...

!rant

Me: sudo apt-get update

PC: Noope. There is a problem with a package.

Me: Ugh... ok I'll fix it. *20 minutes later* Fixed. Sudo apt-get update

PC: Noope, the package cache file is corrupted.

Me: GO FUCK YOURSELF LINUX OMFG.
Oh, I fixed it.
I LOVE YOU LINUX.

So our IT-department decided it was a good idea to block all outgoing ports at my school. Resulted in no internet for a day. Then they fixed that and the mail part but I still can't connect to any of my servers with SSH :/

Who the HELLFUCK deploys on a Friday?!

you might think that windows updates are painful but this piece of shit has been like this for an hour JUST LET ME FUCKING DEPLOY

They just bought 2 fucking 23" extra monitors for every developer in my org.
FEELS GOOD MAN

I don't have curtains yet in my new apartment... I woke up at 5am...

Do you ever wonder why the UK public sector has such a bad computer system? This! This is why!!! What a frigging waste of money!!!! Every computer in the school has this stupid set up!!!