Been working on a backend-service, sending notifications to our app. Shit didn’t work in backend. I made some adjustments, commited and pushed. Didn’t think it would work and just went home.

Our tester had a app-version connected to my dev-server(Continous Delivery from my last commit). Got an email. ”I see you got the notifications working”. I had a high polling-rate in backend for testing. He got spammed lol

At least my code worked 😂

Going on a new job interview later this week. Am I stupid for feeling bad possibly having to quit my current job? Feel like they did a bad investment if I quit after just a couple of months, and that I just cost them money 😕😞

Several years ago.

”Have you heard about that dumb new bitcoin-thing?”
”Ya, lol, what a waste of time and money! 😂”

🙂🔫

Pretty new at the job still.

-”Hey, best practice to do X?”

”Just check how we did it in previous code”

*checks whole bloody project, everything done in 500 different ways by 20 people*
*selects what seems as the best solution already used*

”Ya, you should have done X like this instead”

😒

Why the FUCK can’t I deploy a cordova app to my phone from VS, god fucking damnit all, I hate mondays!
*30 minutes later*
Well shit, the USB cable was only connected to my phone, not my PC...
*sobs and goes to grab more coffee*

I was put on some old forgotten project this sprint... looks like someone injected a shitload of heroin right into their frontal lobe and though it was a good idea to write a framework. Fuck.

There. I fixed the bug. Tested every way possible 10 times and it won’t break. I’m awesome.

Tells a tester I have a phone with the new app-version installed for testing on my desk when he has time.

He just... came to my room. I gave him the phone. He looks at it, does SOMETHING and just ”Ya man, I broke it”.... whaaaat O.o

Have to do 80 hours of work in 40
*quits job, start at a new place*
Now I mostly wait for test and code reviews and are fucking bored...

Guess I have to start 100% freelancing soon 🙃

Never received a single good specification, just verbal gibberish instructions.

One of the things I got tired of, so I quit.

Suddenly, when the boss realized how fucked they are when I leave in two months and how much he needs me to do before that, starts sending prioritized, well written, well specified documents over new features and existing bugs.

Why didn't you fucking do that from start 😂

My boss.

Told the CEO I was looking at other jobs. I could see in realtime how all joy in his soul sipped out of him, followed by a 30 minute rant why I should stay and blah blah blah(heard it all before).

Little did he know, I'm expecting three final "yes"es by Friday, and I got a call 5 minutes before I talked to him saying "Hi, we have a contract ready for you to sign if you want it" 😂 Pretty proud of myself for getting a new job on a big firm, in under two weeks 😎

No work done today, yesterday or the day before that.

Reason?

THE BOSS BROUGHT HIS PUPPY!
PUPPYCUDDLES are a totally legit reason for not working 😁

In a Skype meeting with a possible new employer.

Unlocks door after meeting and opens door. There stands my current CEO.

"You're locking your door?"
"Yep." *runs away*

Almost shit myself 😂

Me: "It's been three months, and you haven't placed the footer at the bottom of the page yet? It's in the bloody middle"

Colleague: "I havent gotten around to it yet"

Me: "I'm not really involved in this project, but I'm gonna move that fucking footer, it takes literally 2 seconds!"

He got pissed of and told me no.
He later told me "I don't want you to do it... cause I want to learn how to do it myself".

He's been working with web development for the last fucking year and a half...

Oh. It's been another 3 weeks. The footer is still right in the bloody middle of the page 🙃

My colleague had some problems today.
He had problems from both user input and predefined strings sent with ajax to backend. The "&"-sign was splitting values in GET-requests into unintended parameters. So... he was simply going to search and replace all of those signs with the word "and"...

encodeURI()? Why are you sending our forms with GET-requests?! 🙃

Old story.

Colleague: "I'm gonna update some tables and stored procedures later"

*phone rings two hours later*

Colleague: "Hi! Just wanted to tell you I accidently dropped all our production databases. Have fun recovering them 😊"

Well shit.

Three differently sized monitors freakes me out, but apparently that doesn't motivate buying new monitors at work 🙃😔

Brought my blue switch mechanical keyboard to work.

My colleague came in wondering what that tapping sound was. Heard it through the wall 🤔😂

Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"

*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*

Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.

Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
Me: "............"

*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*

Boss: "If I double-click this button, the modal it opens flicker once for 0.00001 seconds?!?!?!?"

Me: "Ya... It opens two modals. It doesn't break anything, it looks normal except the flickering"

Boss: "It's no good!"

Me: "I've got a solution; don't fucking double click. It's a fucking website."

Boss: "IT'S NOT A WEBSITE. IT'S A SYSTEM"

Me: "It's a fucking website" *Exits room, trying not to strangle the boss".

Boss: "I need you to program tool-1, tool-2 and tool-3"
Me: *creates tool-1*
Boss: "Why did you make tool-1? I needed tool-3 done by now"

Maybe you should have told me that 🙃