Details
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AboutCode monkey
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SkillsJS, HTML, CSS, Python, C#, Java
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LocationSweden
Joined devRant on 6/24/2016
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Me: *Watching a movie*
Main Character: "Oh no, we have to hack the CIA to figure out how this machine works! Hacker girl, do the stuff"
Hacker Girl: "Consider it done!"
Hacker Girl: *Opens Linux bash*
Hacker Girl: *types 'mkdir Hack_CIA'
Hacker Girl: "They have two-factor authentication in place, this is going to be a hard one."
Hacker Girl: *Types 'cd Hack_CIA'*
Hacker Girl: "I'm in!"
Me: "..."
Friend: "Wow, so well done, so realistic!"
Me: *Dies*82 -
Interview.
X: So, do you have any weaknesses?
Y: Yes, I'm very honest.
X: But I don't think that's a weakness
Y: I don't give a fuck what you think2 -
Food arrives, boss grabs his food.
Boss: ahhhh finally! *looks lovingly at food* you won't hear me for the next 15 minutes 😍 *starts eating*
Me: well that was about fucking time.
Boss: 😐😶
Other engineers: 😂 *trying to keep food in*4 -
I just realized i haven't left my home in 4 days.
If i die, please commit my code before calling an ambulance.16 -
Me: *programming*
Team: *furiously discussing something outside of my expertise*
Me: *programming*
Team: *finally acknowledging my existance* "Yeah, dude. We are going to delete te project and start over because we can't fix this issue [which we have never ever discussed with you]."
Me: "What, that's stupid."
Team: "Well, do you have any bright ideas to fix it?"
Me: "Gimme until tomorrow."
Me: *programming*
Team: *doing absolutly nothing*
Me: "I fixed it!"
Team: "Why didn't you do that a week ago?"
Me: "You didn't ask..."
And so goes te story of how i was almost killed by an angry mob.13 -
Client: we need you to give us access to the code ASAP. We don't like this black box approach.
Me: You have always had access to the code. It is here on this bitbucket repo and your usernames have admin access.
Client: We want the code moved to our GitHub before EOD.
I check out how to move repos over and it's fairly easy.
Me: just give me access to create a repo on your GitHub account and you can have the code moved over.
Client: Sorry it's late in the day and we stepped out to get drinks. (It was 2:30 pm). Not sure why you think there is a rush on this, we'll handle it first thing next week.
Me: WTF14 -
Dad: why do these forms ask me to fill those random characters(captcha)
Me: to verify that you are human
Dad: as if animals can use computers
Me: 😅7 -
Programming in a tree. I usually climb up here and read, but I decided to code, and I didn't drop my laptop :D
I covered the screen with my hand because my code's ugly, and I don't want anyone to see it lol.144 -
Interview
HR: So .. tell us .. where do you see our AI acting in 5 years?
ME: Doing your job minus the stupid questions.
*silence*
Boss breaks out in laughter.
"Oh boy you're hired"12 -
Last month: Opening devrant
Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, FUCK FACEBOOK, ZUCKED ME, KILL MARKBOOK, ATTACK FACEBERG
Last week: Opening devrant
GDRP, GDRP, GGEEDDEERRPPPEEEEE, FUCK GDRP, YEEEY GDRP, WHY GDRP, UPDATED OUR GDRP, FUCKED MY GDRP, PEED IN MY GDRP
this week: Opening devrant
Microsoft, Github, NO Microshit, Burn Github, FUCK GITHUB, POO ON MY MICROHUB, VOMITED ON MY GITSOFT
next week:????
(Google, you better be ready, it's your turn)25 -
Holy fucking shit. I just went to my first Java class at uni (3 1/2 hour long one at that) and I havent felt so damn irritated in a while.
Some background:
So first, I only had about an hour of sleep last night and a full day of work before this class so I was more cranky than normal.
Theres only 7 students in the class, 6 others plus me. I am the only one with any resemblence of programming experience. The teacher also claims to be a linux developer.
This is a three part course series. Java 1, 2, and 3. All taught by the same teacher.
The fuckery:
-teacher spends 48 minutes talking about text editors. Not even IDEs. Just talking in depth as fuck about notepad (notepad. Not notepad++ )and atom and textpad. Those three only though, nothing on vim or emacs or ACTUAL IDEs. 48 minutes.
- I briefly mentioned learning node.js on the side and am now the "javascript girl" to my teacher. I'm probably less experienced with js than any other thing i ever practised or studied.
-professor saw linux on laptop and asked what distro. When I said arch he said "oh no you shouldnt be using that Its not really for beginners" ... Uhh what makes you think I'm a beginner to linux? Or does he not think I should be using arch while learning java? Either way its really ridiculous and irritates me that he would discourage anyone from using any software/OS/anything, regardless of what it is or skill level.
-teacher moved a bunch of content out of the course because theyre either "concepts that are never implemented anymore" or "arent critical to know to master the language". These particular topics that were removed? Multi-dimensional arrays, scopes, and exception handling. EXCEPTION HANDLING.
-he writes a hello world program and displays it on the board, proof of it working and everything. He tells the class to write the same program, compile and run it. Never did I guess we would spend the remaining hour and ten minutes of class struggling with fucking hello world programs. Especially when the correct code is on the fucking projector.
And I get it guys, everyone starts somewhere. People have to learn from square one. But these kids have no fucking interest in this. One of them literally admitted to pursuing this degree for the "lavish life" that comes with the salary. Others just picked programming because they didnt know what else to choose to get into the school. It fucking saddens me. I hope that one or some of them end up caring and finding a passion in this field, otherwise I feel fucking sorry for them having to spaghetti code their way through life to get a paycheck cause they couldnt be bothered to put in the effort. I feel even more sorry for any devs they work with in the future too.
The other annoying bit is that I can't test out of this class!! so it looks like for either 7 hours a week ill be bored out of my fucking mind with these beginner concepts or ill be helping others fix really stupid shit in their code (like putting quotes around hello world so it would actually print the string).
Fucking hell. Waste of a semester class.44 -
My boss came into my room today, sat down and said:
Take your family to the [BIG AMUSEMENT PARK], and please keep the reciepts and give them to me. Spend a couple of hundreds bucks and we will pay.
Thanks for being someone whom I can trust
That made me happy15 -
MS buys Github?
GitHub Starter
GitHub for Students
GitHub Home Basic
GitHub Home Premium
GitHub Professional
GitHub Enterprise
GitHub Business
GitHub Ultimate
GitHub 2018 R2
...40 -
Client: I want a mobile game with Leaderboards, Social media sign-ins, In-game store, Ads, IAP etc in 2 months
Me: Cool, what’s your budget?
Client: $5020 -
At Job interview.
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Me: I see myself as the leader of a raider group, robbing and scavenging together pieces of what is left of the civilization in hopes to build a weapon powerful enough to take the world back from a rogue AI, which I built myself few years earlier.
Interviewer: What!?
Me: What?15