Solved a major scalability issue today.
I'm starting to think I might actually be as good as what I told the recruiters I was.

This hadoop-ecosystem job used to take about 2h40min and cost about USD 1.00/GB.
Now it takes 36 mins. At about 0.85/GB.
Fixed some over shuffling, restructured some bottleneck serial stages, used lots of weird words.
Folks in this company I just entered were struggling with this formerly unwieldy process for a year.
Now it's nimble enough to run every hour.

Maybe that whole "experience" thing people were always yammering about wasn't completely bullshit.

Sick of people claiming that being a developer is an easy job.

Today I have no meetings! 🎉🍾

Its my birthday rn 🦁🎉

My colleague printed a Helldivers helmet for Sir Jav'alot!

There's a lil tool someone wrote that runs as a post build event for one of our projects. I got bored of watching that tool hog a single CPU thread for like half a minute each time I had to build, so I tried making the thing multi-threaded...

...and it worked! Shit runs on all threads for just a few seconds now 💪🏻

Whatever was going on in the weekdays ... I forget about it right here, in my garden.

Have a nice weekend you all.

There is no reason for any developer to not know git well. No fucking reason. Stop making shit harder for everyone by being like “oh I’m not the keenest on git” STFU and just learn it better you pussy.

I am about to do the unthinkable.
I am going to a place no dev wants to go.
I am about to take an unhinged decision everyone would warn me against.
I am about to cause a change to my future, whether good or bad I guess I'll find out.

But what I do know, is YOLO.

I'm deploying to production on Friday just half an hour before I log off for the day and come back on Monday.

Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

It's my birthday

🦁🙏🎂🍰🎉🎈

The best way to waste a weekend

gotta love the rainbow shining over my net hole. The time for download is now!

This little dude was the only reason I wanted to learn Go.

Everytime I feel like I regret this decision I just look at his dumb little teeth and I open VSCode again...

My keyboard? It's way more mechanical than yours.

I'm in internship, why the fuck am I the one explaining them how to use git, Android studio????? Why am I the project manager?????? I'm supposed to learn from you not the opposite. Fuck this monkey.

What a fucking year it's been.. and it's only the 4th.

Let's see, I've just split up with my girlfriend of more than 4 years (and she's still living with me), my car got whacked by golf ball sized hail stones (and it's not insured), my back verandah at home turns into a swimming pool with heavy rain (and SA is having record high rainfall this season), and I haven't slept since Sunday night.

FML. 🤦 I need a holiday after the holidays..

Tame the beast named Rust

Became a maintainer for 2
somewhat old repositories,
can't wait to clean them up!

🎉 As of today, I can proudly count myself among the members of the "Killed Prod on A Friday Afternoon" club. 🎉

Okay maybe that one shader variable was important after all...

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hi :)

!dev
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

My Mother was intelligent enough to get her phone stolen and screams at me over the phone of my brother why I can't do more than telling her the last known location

BECAUSE THEY SHUT IT DOWN
I CAN'T DO SHIT WITHOUT THE PHONE HAVING AN INTERNET CONNECTION

But what if they go through my files go into my bank account

THEY CAN'T BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PASSWORD ON IT

but they could crack it or something

NO THEY CAN'T WITHOUT TRYING FOR MONTHS OR YEARS OF POSSIBLE COMBINATIONS

but

NO BUT JUST FUCKING CALM DOWN IF THEY AREN'T THAT BAD THEN THEY WILL CALL ME IF THEY ARE ASSHOLES THEY NEED AT LEAST MAKE A FACTORY RESET AND DELETE ALL YOUR FILES
I CAN'T DO MORE THAN THIS SO FUCKING SHUT UP AND DON'T LEAVE YOUR PHONE AT A FUCKING WAITING ROOM AND DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING ON THE FUCKING INTERNET ESPECIALLY FACEBOOK

Thanks know I can't concentrate anymore........

Some days I feel like a genius, solving problems left and right, automating simple tasks, and improving workflows everywhere.

Other days I can't remember how to loop over an array and spend 5 minutes googling that just cause my brain isn't functioning lol

Hello guys. Today I come to unleash an army of bugs upon your

🛡️⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️🛡️
🛡️🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🛡️
🛡️🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🛡️
🛡️🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🛡️
🛡️🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🛡️

To everyone I work with, this is for you.

🖕😎🖕

Remember that 'solo standup' I was 'shaking in my boots about'?

Should have started at 9:30

Yeah, well its O9:40... the managers aren't even here yet...

So much respect in this team!

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

My teammate seems to have a knack for CC’ing my boss when he thinks I broke something. Fuck you a-hole.

Javascript frameworks

johnny be good (developer)

It’s not prostitution, it’s SAAS (sex as a service).