She: “Execute garden job!”
Me: “Command failed: broken dependency”

Me: Can you make me some meatballs?

Engineer: No, what are you talking about?

Me: I thought you were a chef.

Engineer: I'm not a chef, what made you think that?

Me: I was looking at your code and I haven't seen that much spaghetti since Olive Garden ran the endless pasta special. I was just wanting some meatballs to go with it.

a developer tried to pull weeds out of his garden, but alas he did not have root access 😂

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, lounge, pub, tavern, night club, mini bar, drinks.

Bill gates found a bottle in his garden.
He decided to rub it thrice (whyever) and a geany surged.

Bill gates: h.. He.. Hello?
Geany : hi, im willing to give you one wish as you saved me
Bill gates: I WANT WORLD PEACE, HERE IS THE MAP WITH ALL THE WARS ON THE WORLD!!
Geany: thats impossible. Other wishes?
Bill gates: fix every bug in windows vista!
Geany: gimme that world map

1. I join a company.

2. I get deeply involved in "how to run the company", and get nice compliments from both coworkers & management about my skills in conveying startup/scaleup advice & necessities to upper management.

3. With my ego inflated through all the sweet talk, I think "ah, what the hell, let's do this again", and I accept a Lead/CTO promotion. I have to join board meetings, write reports on quarterly plans and progress.

4. I get unhappy/stressed/burned-out because I really just want to be a developer, not a manager/executive.

5. Upper management understands, I give up my lead position, lock myself back into my coding cave.

6. I get annoyed because the requirements I receive become more and more disconnected from reality, half of the teams seem to have decided to stop using agile/scrum, the testing pipeline breaks all the time, I get an updated labor contract from HR by mail which smells like charred flesh, etc

7. The annoyances become too much to do ANY work. I yell at the other devs outside of the entrance of my cave. There is no answer, only a few painful moans and sighs.

8. I emerge from my cave. The city has turned into a desolate wasteland. The office is a burning ruin, the air sharp and heavy with black soot. Disemboweled corpses of developers litter the poisoned soil.

Product Managers dressed in stained ripped suits scream at each other while they try to reinforce concrete barricades with scotch tape and post-its. *THUMP* Something enormous is trying to break through. "Thank God, bittersweet, you're still alive! The stakeholders! They have mutated! We couldn't meet the promised deadlines! We've lost the whole mobile app department, and that kid there is the last of the backenders and he's only an intern! You're here to save us, right? RIGHT?".

In the corner, between the overflowing coffee machine and a withered cactus, a young boy has collapsed onto the floor. His face is covered in moldy coffee grounds, clasping on to his closed macbook for dear life, wide-open eyes staring into the void, mumbling: "didn't backup the database, and It's all gone" over and over.

A severely dented black Tesla with a dragging loose bumper breaks through the dried up vertical herb garden and the smoothiebar, and comes to a halt against the beanbags in a big cloud of styrofoam balls.

The CEO limps out, leaking blood all over the upholstery. He yells to the COO: "The datacenter is completely flooded with sewage! I saved the backup tapes though", holding a large nest of tangled black magnetic tape mixed with clumps of mud above his head.

9. I collect my outstanding salary and sell any rewarded options/shares for a low dumping price, take a 5 month holiday, and ask a recruiter about opportunities in a different city.

Roses are red!
Violets are red!
Trees are red!
Grass is red!

Oh fuck!
My garden is on fire....

Looks like Apple is the new Microsoft and Microsoft is the new Apple...

I remember when every release of Windows was a catastrophic mess and you had to wait until at least SP2 to get the OS to work in a stable way. And Internet Exploder was *the* browser that broke everything, every time. And there was the whole embrace/extend thing, where they tried to impose their vision of web standards and compatibility, and *everything* you used *had* to come from Microsoft...

And now, it's Apple who fuck up every single OS release, on mobile and desktop, and whose browsers openly shit on web standards (ever try developing anything for Mobile Safari?). Apple's stuff that only works with Apple stuff (down to things like headphone jacks - OOPS, forgot, they dropped those now).

Microsoft is making interesting, beautiful hardware (Surface machines) while Apple is pushing un-innovative, overpriced garbage year in year out. And they're open-sourcing more and more, while Apple walls itself further and further behind its walled "garden". Bleh.

Be interesting to see in 10 years what will have shifted, because it'll change again by then.

My current project at work: purchase verification, aka anti-fraud.

It's been two weeks, and my boss is flipping out because it isn't done. A robust anti-fraud solution. in two weeks. And he thought one week was a little much.

like, fucking really?

There are companies whose entire service is helping combat fraud. and he wants this done in a bloody week?

What makes me laugh through my tears of frustration is that the company that moved into the previous office? Yep, anti-fraud. Their entire business model is providing anti-fraud services to other businesses. They even tried selling him on it when they moved in. Bossman sales guy turned it around and sold my freaking desk out from under me instead.

But like. They're a small company: they had 9 people when they moved in, and were looking to add three more, so a total of 12 people. (I totally considered jumping ship, but their stack was too different.)

So. Bossman wants me to replace 9-12 people and their entire business in a fucking week. Yeah.

"Oh, but it's just sms verification" says he. What he also wants is the ability to flag users as fraudulent, have sticky verifications so they can't bypass them by backing out, have email checks as well as sms, have deferred verification to allow collecting required info (e.g. phone number), verification fallback, lockouts, manual admin whitelisting, admin blacklisting, and different rules per merchant and rule groups for affiliates to apply to all of their merchants, and of course the ability to customize those merchant/affiliate anti-fraud rules. But he shortens this gigantic list to "I want sms verification," despite actually asking for all of the above. I don't want to know about the mental gymnastics and/or blindfolding required to equate the two, but he's nuts.

Yeah.
All of that.
In a goddamn week.

And I get chewed out when it isn't done? Fuck off.

Go build me a goddamn 5m ft^2 castle out of basalt and marble using only your toothbrush and a rusty garden trowel, and have it done in a week. No outsourcing.

talk about ridiculous.

New rant = Rant.type(['non-dev', 'public transportation']).init()

So i am taking the bus now to see a friend, and this fucking whale woman comes on board with a baby caddy, except, it wasn't for a baby, but for a fucking dog the size of a brick. That already in itself makes me grumble because dogs have fucking legs and there is no fucking real need to carry them around like newborns.... Anyways this woman sits and takes up a lot of space for the 'handicapped' persons for her fucking baby dog... So far no real issue there since people with disabilities hardly get on this bus line. A fzw bus stops later an equally whale black woman gets on the bus, obviously struggling with her size and her caddy filled with groceries...

There is enough room to accomodate the baby caddy and her groceries.
That fucking white whale says to her 'there is no room there, move someplace else'... The black woman stands there in disbelief, and this is the first time i look up, giving the 'the fuck you just say bitch' look to the white whale. I mention there is enough room and the black whale sits carefully next to the dog caddy.

Now the bus takes a sharp turn, the dog caddy tips over due to the g-forces it causes...and inmediately this white whale shouts to the black whale 'fucking retard, don't tip my dog over!' this while the black woman apologises for the fall of the caddy not even being her fault...

This angered me so puch that i rantzd to this woman: 'madam, thzre is such a thing called physics, the bus made a sharp turn and your stupud useless space-wasting dog caddy tipped over bzcause of that. Don't just go accusing people for your own degenerate racist lifestyle. I suggest you hold on to it and apologise to the lady'

She then murmles incomprehensibly and gives a butthurt look, rhe black woman thanks me and tries to remain very quiet on her seat, eventually she gets off

This fucking thing makes me angry to a level i wanna toeturz that whale by peeling off her skin with garden fence metal wiri g, suck the fat out of her body and brain with an industrial vacuum cleaner and put her in the fucking oven baking in her own fat, of course without any anesthetics...

Damnit all to hell!

Also, why on earth do dogs need caddy's? They got perfectly fine legs!

I know, sadist inside

I feel so sorry for all the people in the world who use their phone more than their PC/laptop.

All the pitiful souls who think they're gamers because they installed lootchest simulator on their little digital skinner box. All the sad beings who just view the internet as a collection of ad-infested apps.

Actually, I don't feel sorry, because these people make the world a worse place.

Suddenly we needed websites which could render on tiny screens and need bloated cross-platform app development frameworks. Many game studios became parasites exploiting addictive behavior in humans, instead of creating works of art.

Humans spent 10,000 years to perfect their caves with expensive kitchens, and all people want is for their WiFi to reach the grill at the end of the garden. Humans created central heating, comfortable couches, wall-mounted TVs and luxurious desks -- and all people can think of is whether their phone plan covers holiday roaming at their shitty resorts.

The rare times I do actually go into this apocalyptic wasteland people call "The Outside", all I see is subway cars full of hunched addicted drudges, bus stops with clusters of enslaved automatons.

Fuck all of them.

Fuck all of you imbeciles, who ventured out of the cave and now DARE to call me anti-social, just for preferring the warmth of my comfortable protective den.

It's fucking cozy here, within the walls of my shelter, I got booze and a fridge full of food and a bunch of LSD, I can masturbate under the shower, have sex on the couch, have all kinds of GIANT displays for entertainment, with full-sized qwerty-keyboards, high-DPI mouses, even some console controllers and big TVs if I feel lazy.

You can stick your responsive websites and social-network-integrated Android apps up your rectum, just sit your fucking fat ass down in front of a workstation and desperately refresh the stream of fake attention-seeking messages there, if you absolutely must.

Seriously, why does this guy from our marketing department call me on my private phone number. Why did HR PROVIDE him with my private phone number?

And WHY THE FUCK is he asking me, a DB admin: "Our website doesn't load properly on Safari on my iPhone 7, could you take a look at it"?

No, of course I won't fucking come to the office to take a look at your miserable shitty device with its cracked glass screen.

Fuck you and your outdoorsy habits.

Stay the fuck in your cave, you degenerate attention whore, otherwise please go choke on your airpods.

In the school we were using slow PCs for learning MS Office things. Every single step we did took ages. There were one guy who was an informatics antitalent: he never were able to work fluently with any electric machine from a microwave to anything smarter. In addition he was a semi-pro athlete and he had some kind of anger management issues, sometimes yelled to the teacher after a bad mark or with us when we lost a in-school soccer match. You know, he was that competitive guy.
One time on computer science class he was very focused. He tried to follow every steps precisly and his machine seemed faster than as usual. He felt like he broke some kind of wall which was between he and the machine.
When we had a break and he went out we tought that we should make a prank. We made a fullscreen screenshot from the desktop and set it as the wallpaper, then killed explorer.exe. As a result the icons and the start menu was only on the screen by the wallpaper.
When he came back he said that there were some bad news from some of the sport event he wanted to go, so he was angry. But then... You know the gif when the guy first hit the side of the screen multiple times then throws out the machine? Yeah, we saw that in real life, but not in that office. First he was just clicking everywhere, we just watched how his face just transforming. Then he started to talk just in himself as the machine could understand. After two minutes he just yelled to the machine why did it freeze, but the last drop was when the teacher said: You'll have to send me your work and it will be marked. In this moment he was just roard a huge and droped the CRT out of the window from the second floor. Luckily the window was facing to a brushy part of the garden so no one was there. He just standed there, looked out to the CRT sitting in a brush for a while, then he turned to the teacher as "Mr, I think something is wrong with my machine"

Weak signal at the garden? No problem

!dev
Last week I watched a DIY video where at the end the guy dumped detergent water on the grass. I kindly commented it's a €150 fine. Their response was on the lines of "Oh yeah, Mr Proper? And what would you say if I told you I spray my whole garden with soap to get rid of weeds, huh?".

Well, you dumb fuck, I don't care what you do, I wasn't attacking you, I was being *nice* and warned you about the fucking fine that you're going to fucking pay because your channel name is your first and last name and your video shows the street and the house number but whatever.

Today I couldn't log into my YouTube account. Why was that, you might ask? Well, because the dumb fuck paid the fucking fine and assumed I was the one that ratted, so he made a video about it and his dumb fuck audience falsely reported all of my videos for child abuse and promoting terrorism.

I only upload unboxing videos that debunk scummy "deals". 🤦‍♂️

What is the most ridiculous over-the-top "startup" thing you've been the victim of as a developer?

Alternatively, what kind of weird startup luxury would you absolutely love to have at your company?

For me, at various companies I've worked at/visited:

1. Hammocks & fatboy beanbags. Current employer has a "Netflix & Chill" corner with nice couches, and a small gym. I have encountered isolation/flotation tanks at the office of one of our partners... which is cool, but over the top in my opinion.

2. A fully automated aquaponics garden in the lunchroom. Was awesome, until some fish died and started to rot.

3. One hoverboard per employee, at previous employer. I splashed hot chocolate milk in an arc over three desks. A coworker broke his ankle while watching me spill chocolate milk.

4. Daily scrum standup meetings, on socks, in a big bouncy castle. Not kidding. Fucking ridiculous... (but secretly fun). That employer also had spiral slides between all floors, a tiny half-pipe with tiny skateboards, and someone who rode a unicycle way too much. It was a fucking circus. Stuck in the office of a Fintech company.

5. Soldering bench (at my current company), with drawers full of breadboards, servos and electronics components. Completely unrelated to my work, but it was my idea. It's just great to build a simple kits together with another random coworker while brainstorming platform features & refining specs... much better than meetings with bullshit slides.

6. Unlimited energy drink. Developed a serious caffeine habit (15-20 cans a day), and almost got a stomach ulcer. Not beneficial to employee health.

7. I really do love working from home + unlimited holidays. Just being able to honestly say "fuck you guys, I'm gonna get drunk and play games today", and at other times working until 4am and sleeping in the next day, or taking a week to work in a park in Rome... It makes work truly feel like my favorite hobby. Combined with a good sprints and curious/ambitious people, you can easily track productivity anyway.

Email. Fuck everything about it.

It's an obnoxious queue of messages I somehow must handle. And everyone in society expects you to have email. You can cancel your phone number, maybe even live without a house... but every hobo still must check their email.

It is an endless shitstream of things I don't want. Like a garden with some nice tomato plants, but then a really smelly weed starts invading and no matter what you do it keeps coming back.

I don't want to login to unsubscribe. I don't care about your "notifications center", or "managing the offers you receive from us".

And then your boss asks you to design an email campaign... I don't want to receive that shit, why would our customers? And even if I agreed with using email as a communication channel... YOU THOUGHT CSS IN INTERNET EXPLORER WAS A BITCH?

No really. Fuck email. Fuck everything about it.

I decided to build a garden and not type for at least 12 hours, I needed a break.

I got a lot of flowers, they attract bees. The bees are out doing what they do best, I'm a supporter of bees. While cleaning off one flower, I freaked a few bees out, and my hands got stung.

12 hours just turned into 72 hours, and my colleagues are making buzzzz noises. I still love bees.

I have seen it. They say it doesn't exist; just a story we tell our children so that their innocence does not lead them down into a nightmarish adulthood from which there is no salvation. But the evil lives. So vile that were you to look inside its soul, all you would find is a terrible desperation for suffering. To cause it. To revel in it. To bathe in the tears of those it considers less than human and feed off the emotional detritus.

It was 2009. The financial crisis. I was one of the lucky, having found refuge in a large company right before the jobs dried up. General IT: system administration, documentation, project management, telephony, software training, second level help desk. No software development, but with a two-year-old at home and Ph.D.s lining up outside the local Olive Garden whenever a help wanted sign was posted, I grabbed the health insurance and entered into darkness.

The Thing did not need to hunt it's prey. A manager title with 21 reports brought it new opportunities for fresh meat by the hour. But I was special. I resisted. I needed to know my place.

My first mistake was incomprehension. I did not understand the Thing's lust to be right at all costs. I was reviewing some documentation it had brought forth from its bowels. I mentioned that two spaces were being used between sentences. That proportional type made that unnecessary. It insisted, I was wrong. It insisted that Microsoft itself, the purveyor of all good technical writing, required two spaces. I opened the Microsoft Manual of Style for Technical Publications that it demanded its staff use and showed it that the spec was one space. It was livid. I was a problem.

From that point on my work life became exponentially more wretched. I was given three Outlook calendars to maintain: one with my schedule, one with the team's schedule and one with the Thing's schedule. Every time I had an appointment, I was to triple schedule it. If I was going to be away from my desk for more than 15 minutes triple schedule. Triple schedule my lunch, vacations, phone conferences.

Whenever it held a meeting, I and a colleague would be taken off mission critical IT projects to set tables with name tents and to serve as greeters as attendees arrived.

I was called into its crypt to be told never to say anything in a meeting unless I told the Thing beforehand what I was going to say. Naive, I mentioned that I often don't know what I will say as it is often in reply to someone else. Of course the response was that I should not say anything.

I would get emails 10-20 times a day asking about a single project. I would regularly complete work that was needed to be completed ASAP, only to have the Thing rake me over the coals for not completing it a week later. And upon resending the emails proving I notified it of the work being competed, disparaged at length a second time for not sending repeated notifications of the competed work.

I would have to sit in two-hour meetings to watch it type. Literally watch it try to create cogent thoughts. In silence.

I received horrendous annual reviews. At one, it created a development plan that stated a colleague would begin giving me lessons on the proper ways to socially interact with personnel. I pointed out to HR that this violated privacy concerns and would make the business liable in many areas, not least of which would be placing a help desk person in the role of defining proper business practice. HR made the Thing remove this from my review. She started planning to remove me.

I had given a short technical training to a group of personnel months earlier. Called into its tomb I was informed that feedback surveys on my talk were disturbing. One person stated that they did not think I was funny. Another wrote that I made an offensive statement. That person did not say what the offensive statement was. Just that I had said something he or she didn't like.

The Thing interviewed the training attendees. Gathered facts. Held three inquest-like meetings where multiple directors peppered me with questions trying to get me to confess to my offensiveness. In the end the request to fire me was brought to the man who ran the business at the time. The statement on high: "Humor is a subjective thing. Please tell This to be sensitive to that."

The Thing had failed, but would no doubt redouble its efforts. I had to find a new job. I sent hundreds of resumes. Talked to dozens of recruiters. But there were no jobs. And I had a family. And the wolf was at the door.

So I didn't say a word to the creature. For six months. Silence. At one group meeting it shrieked at me "what are you smirking at? If you've got something to say then say it!" I just shrugged. For my salvation was revealed. The Thing could not stand to be ignored. And at the end of my penance I was transferred to another group: Software Development.

I am one with the Force. The Force is with me. I am one with the Force. The Force is with me.

Office manager sending a mail that all spaces now only have "sustainable vegan leather" furniture, "to carry responsibility for the planet and commit to a greener company image".

You mean you bought uncomfortable plastic chairs.

Vegan leather is just fucking plastic.

Not all plastics are bad, but in this case it's a very toxic plastic, a PVC softened with phtalates and stabilized with cadmium stearate, produced cheaply in a country with no regards for public health or the environment.

It's about as sustainable as munching down a vegan quinoa avocado salad in a private jet on a transatlantic flight.

There are moments where I'm glad that I'm still working from home, because I would have planted that ugly fucking desk chair straight into the equally ridiculous power-slurping hipster "sustainable vertical herb garden" with its 500 watt growlight bulbs.

Between plague and smoke, spending way too much time indoors. Localised co2 got pretty high in the office my husband and I share and opening the windows is dicey during giant spider season even before the wildfires.

So as a result, I'm starting a little indoor garden in each room. The succulent are going to be hydro, and the prayer and snake plant will get soil so I have some place to dump my coffee grinds other than the rose garden. In the next month or so we also want to set up some living moss panels to help control the nitrogen balance.

And of course, obligatory rpi sensor suite and irrigation is inbound as well. That'll be a shared project. 😸

This startup I started working for with their shitty code base written by interns, restrictive sys admin who had no actual use in the company since I was the one setting up their servers, know-it-all CEO, stupid HR representative who used to grill employees for being 10 minutes late in the morning, very small apartment "HQ", using fingerprints to signal our entry and our leave to and from the office, no formal process, and, to top it all, monitoring our own laptops which we use for work with a software that takes screenshots every few minutes. In short, it had the worst in corporates with the worst of startups combined in one company.

If, hypothetically, we could overlook all this, I couldn't overlook the horrible smell this place had. The apartment was overlooking a small garden which was a home for many stray cats and dogs. You can imagine how horrible this smell was. The weird thing was that no one there seemed to really care about the smell!!

I lasted there for only one week before I gave my resignation and I believe I had every right to do so.

Working on my automatic garden ! :d thx Raspberry

You wanted to hear more about my "glorious" teacher. I deliver. So get a cup of tea, take a seat and prepare for insanity.
As I already told in a comment my programming teacher is one special snowflake who lives in his personal bubble. We have final exams in less than a month and he spents at least half a lesson talking about vanishing bees and missing plants from his garden. Other topics he likes to talk about (and tries to turn every freaking conversation into at least one of these):
1. Other students and their stupidity
2. Diesel scandal
3. His sick wife
4. "Why does noone read newspapers anymore?"
5. Why he can't teach Java but really really really wants to and everyone hates him and forces him to do C#.

Even if I try to interrupt him he'll go on until he thinks we gained some "common knowledge" - this is how he justifies these topics.

Everytime he introduced us to a new command he compared it to Java and sometimes he even falsely corrects code because he confuses them.
We are only 6 people including me (another story for another time) and he is not able to help everyone during a 90min lesson. He normally sticks with one person for at least one hour and just talks to them or even do their tasks. This is really annoying if you have a simple question. He won't answer you until he's finished whatever he's doing.

Most of the time he doesn't seem to understand what he's talking about/trying to teach us. He's muttering statements from our textbook to himself switching halfway through to another sentence while drawing not decipherable shit on the blackboard.

Another gem are his "guidelines" for classtests. We are allowed to use any command we know. Except the ones we learned not in class. And the ones he doesn't like. And the ones he doesn't want to exist. And of course not the ones which make you're life easier. So basically we are bound to use his favourite commands or we won't get a good grade. Example: use an array. List is not allowed. Never.
He has some weird fetish with arrays.

I once presented him perfectly fine code I wrote in my freetime and asked what some warnings meant. (Was because of different Visual studio versions as I learned later.) He scolded me for using things he didn't taught us yet and ranted about how I'm pressuring him into rushing these things now - I never wanted to show this to my classmates nor was this anything else than a project for fun and learning something new. (FYI the "new stuff" where classes and objects because i was tired of kilometers of spaghetti code). His rant went on a good 20minutes and - obviously - he didn't answer my question. I asked my fiance that evening and he explained it to me.
This should it be for this time. I'm sure I have more stories to tell for another time!
Thank you for reading. ^^

Years ago, I was part of a project that went completely off the rails. A little context: we were a services company and we had local offices in cities all over the country. My team provided 2nd-level support which means we often had the PMs call us from those via an annoying Nextel radio.

I won’t go through the details but suffice it to say this project envolved one such branch going rogue and committing actual fraud, with criminal proceedings and all. People were on the edge, and the relationship with that branch was increasingly hostile. There was also an internal power struggle in the company between some directors at that point. In other words, a clusterfuck I’ll always cherish, if by cherish you mean hate hate hate. Anywho…

One time, there was a national holiday on a Thursday and we were going to make it a long weekend. As customary, I communicated with all the PMs about contigency plans. This PM then told us that we could not take Friday off because the customer wanted us to fly over there. We were supposed to be at the customer’s site early Friday morning. That meant we would have to fly Thrusday afternoon. I wasn’t happy.

It immediatly felt arbitrary too. As I said, the relationship was not good and we suspected he was just trying to cost us our days off. I knew enough of the customer to be fairly sure they would not have requested us that Friday. Why did the customer want us then? There was nothing yet on production and if it was just to show progress, surely we could move it to Monday. At worst, can’t we make it over the phone? No, no, no, he said. The customer was adamant that we be there on Friday. Sucked to be us.

So we flew over Thursday afternoon and on Friday morning we headed to the customer’s offices only to find it closed. They too had made it a long weekend and wouldn’t be back until Monday.

Normally I would be furious over the waste of time but to be honest, both I and my colleague smiled at that. It confirmed that the PM just tried to screw us and the customer have never asked for us. We headed back to the local office.

Before coming in, we both bought ourselves some icecream. My friend stayed in the little garden in front and I went in. The PM immediatly saw me and demanded to know why I wasn’t at the customer yet. I didn’t answer. Instead I grabbed the Nextel radio and headed back out with the PM following. I then sat down on the grass and called my director. Smiling and staring at the PM, I told him about the office being closed. The PM’s face froze when my director asked to talk to him.

We sat outside under the sun, enjoying our icecreams while the PM got shouted at. It was the best icecream I’ve ever had.

Windows 10 'App Store' Stole My Money.

So I work a 40 hour work week, sometimes more, same as anyone, on my feet, all day.

I get home, buy a little $3.99 app. Won't install. Check it again won't install. I check some guides. Follow all the standard commands, my purchase won't install. Use the tools. won't install.

Naturally I sent off what I'm good at, some hate filled invective

For fucks sake. I'm exhausted, have insomnia and want to wind down. And here microsoft is killing 32bit libraries to dispose of competing services like steam (also fuck gabe in his fat asshole) but I digress.

And they expect us to use their services? Spend our hard earned *fucking money*..and spend half an hour on their dumpster fire fucking 'walled garden' with nothing to fucking show for it?

No refund button. No chat option. Just a fucking feedback hub. Look at it some time. JUST LOOK AT IT. The motherfucking *feedback* hub *frozeup* in the process of my feedback. Microsoft is a sewer of negligent business practices and incompetence.

So I've chosen now to aim two heavy ion cannons at them and warned them too. Two twitter accounts, one with almost 10k followers and another with 15k.

Should have just offered a manual download button microsoft.

My money would have been better spent on alcohol. Cheap alcohol. It's not like it's a lot of money and I don't buy a lot online, but it's the principle. You're fucking *payment* process worked *just fucking fine*.

Anyway can anyone calculate the monetary damage a cumulative quarter million views over the course of a month will do to the reputation of the windows store in dollar amounts?

I'm betting it's going to be a lot fucking more than three fucking ninety nine.

Don't worry microsoft, I'm gonna take it out of your sweet fucking hide.

Young love is so heartbreaking...

"---if you see a beautiful flower on road trying to grow, would you water it or just pluck it out because you find it nice?"

"--I will take it from the roots, go to my home, plant it in my garden, and water it till the day either of us die"

And today after 6 years of school-life, the flower has decided to get plucked by some asshole Garland maker, so stop comparing yourself with the flower you think yourself to be and enjoy your life with the biggest shitbag you liked...
;__;

Isn't it disturbing that all major operating systems disrespect the computer's ability to do things? Everyone is becoming a walled garden, and people are increasingly developing and limited languages that consume more resources than they deliver value. Today VisualStudio on a corei7 is less performant than a Delphi 5 running on a Pentium 166mhz.

Much of its processing, energy and carbon emissions are used to display ads that "interest you".

Well, thank you *BSDs, Linux (except Ubuntu) and Illumos, for continuing to respect my computer's capabilities.

!dev，

I have a baby. He doesnt like sleeping. He has GERD (reflux).

He rarely sleep more than 2 hours at a time (probably 1 a week).

The best he has ever slept in his 11month of living was 5 hours. That day he was sick and he ended up in hospital.

All good， he is still alive and well.

But he goes down at 7pm and wakes every 2 hours if not less.

Somestimes he is easy to put down and thongs are bearable， but many times it can take up to 30-45 minutes to out him down.

I dev during the day but i am longing to have nights where i can completly concrntrate. But my partner has been survivjng on broken sleep for about a year now.

She lets me have longer stretches but i either stay up late and havr to feed the baby and jiggle him， which breaks concentration and has pbliged me to get an extra desk and screento be put into an uncomfortable place so i could code at home (my orfice is a rent out 10msquare batch in the garden).

Or sometimes i just get up at 3 or 4am so that he can sleep on me 2eme i can jiggle him when he wakes.

I cant deal with being woken every 2 hours. I throw tantrums like im a 7 year old.

Ive rarely had such a sucking life quality as now.

Its a good things babies a cute i tell you that!!!!

Moving away from technology and becoming self-sufficient. A cottage with a stream on the edge of a forest, a large garden, some chickens and other animals, and no smart devices, managers, tickets, KPAs, performance reviews, legendary devs shitting out an endless stream of bugs, etc.

Peace and quiet.
And freedom at last.
That’s success.

That’s the ultimate success: escape.

It's 35 degrees. Reviewing pull requests or finding a beer garden was the easiest decision of my career.

I’m trying to add digit separators to a few amount fields. There’s actually three tickets to do this in various places, and I’m working on the last of them.

I had a nightmare debugging session earlier where literally everything would 404 unless I navigated through the site in a very roundabout way. I never did figure out the cause, but I found a viable workaround. Basically: the house doesn’t exist if you use the front door, but it’s fine if you go through the garden gate, around the back, and crawl in through the side window. After hours of debugging I eventually discovered that if I unlocked the front door with a different key, everything was fine… but nobody else has this problem?

Whatever.
Onto the problem at hand!

I’m trying to add digit separators to some values. I found a way to navigate to the page in question (more difficult than it sounds), and … I don’t know what view is rendering the page. Or what controller. Or how it generates its text.

The URL is encrypted, so I get no clues there. (Which was lead dev’s solution to having scrapeable IDs instead of just, you know, fixing them). The encryption also happens in middleware, so it’s a nightmare to work through. And it’s by the lead dev, so the code is fucking atrocious.

The view… could be one of many, and I don’t even know where they are. Or what layout. Or what partials go into building it.

All of the text on the page are “resources” — think named translations that support plus nested macros. I don’t know their names, and the bits of text I can search for are used fucking everywhere. “Confirmation number” (the most unique of them) turns up 79 matches. “Fee” showed up in 8310 places before my editor gave up looking. Really.

The table displaying the data, which is what I actually care about, isn’t built in JS or markup, but is likely a resource that goes through heavy processing. It gets generated in a controller somewhere (I don’t know the resource name so I can’t find it), and passed through several layers of “dynamic form” abstraction, eventually turned into markup, and rendered as a partial template. At least, that’s how it worked in the previous ticket. I found a resource that looks right, and there’s only the one. I found the nested macros it uses for the amount and total, and added the separators there… only to find that it doesn’t work.

Fucking dead end.

And i have absolutely nothing else to go on.

Page title? “Show”
URL? /~LiolV8N8KrIgaozEgLv93s…
Text? All from macros with unknown names. Can’t really search for it without considerable effort.
Table? Doesn’t work.
Text in the table? doesn’t turn up anything new.
Legal agreement? There are multiple, used in many places, generates them dynamically via (of course) resources, and even looking through the method usages, doesn’t narrow it down very much.

Just.
What the fuck?
Why does this need to be so fucking complicated?

And what genius decided “$100000.00” doesn’t need separators? Right, the lot of them because separators aren’t used ANYWHERE but in code I authored. Like, really? This is fintech. You’d think they would be ubiquitous.

And the sheer amount of abstraction?
Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.

Stop calling people by their old occupation titles. .
Please address them by using their new titles accordingly
and they will like it their job more.

OLD: *Garden Boy*
NEW: *Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist*

OLD: *Petrol attendant*
NEW: *Fuel transmission engineer*

OLD: *Receptionist*
NEW: *Front Desk Controller*

OLD: *Typist*
NEW: *Printed Document Handler*

OLD: *Messenger*
NEW: *Business Communication Conveyer*

OLD: *Window Cleaner*
NEW: *Transparent Wall Technician*

OLD: *Temporary Teacher*
NEW: *Associate Teacher*

OLD: *Tea Boy*
NEW: *Refreshment Director*

OLD: *Garbage Collector*
NEW: *Environmental Sanitation Technician*

OLD: *Guard*
NEW: *Security Enforcement Director*

OLD: *Prostitute*
NEW: *Practical Sexual Relations Officer*

OLD: *Thief*
NEW: *Wealth Relocation Officer*

OLD: *Driver*
NEW: *Automobile Propulsion Specialist*

OLD: *Maid*
NEW: *Domestics Managing Director*

OLD: *Cook*
NEW: *Food Chemist*

OLD: *Gossip*
NEW: *Oral Research and Evaluation Director*

Which one got you more?

Thank you VERY MUCH for wasting my life, ruining my new career and destroying my family. It hasn't been 24 hours from joining devRant and I am already addicted. Checking my phone every 5 minutes or so. Is this some kind of a conspiracy to wipe out weak and liable to procrastination devs? To suck them/me to a big, colorful fluffy garden of instant gratification?
Are you HAPPY!!!???

Trying to plant something:
- be aware of the pH
- the plant loves sun, but not too much
- fertilize it every 2 Weeks
...
Dear Nature, how the hell did you accomplish all these for centuries?

How Real programmers code :

Pfff real programmers use a puppy and have it chase a frisbee where the frisbee hits a flower disrupting a bees honey sucking so it goes home to beat it's wife which again the wife bee gets pissed off and stings my dumb client who mashes some buttons on a keyboard by mistake whilst using my software which fucks up my program and I have to tell him that my program is fine and if he didn't try walking in the garden holding his laptop because of his poor WiFi connection then all of this wouldn't've happened.

I saw a video on YouTube, iJustine goes on a Linus Tech Tips studio tour in Canada. Its a huge studio and he has like 50 people working for him. He has 2 script writers. He has created a fake kitchen and some kind of a garden to shoot videos inside of the studio. Its amazing how people make careers out of YouTube.

Whatever was going on in the weekdays ... I forget about it right here, in my garden.

Have a nice weekend you all.

Fuck uninspired jr devs that are simply collecting a pay check.

I have been handed a project that a jr dev was allowed to wallow on for over two fucking years. This lazy mother fucker managed to create 5 functions, a whole fucking mess of bullshit that I now have to straighten out on top of the 8 other things that I have to deliver on in the next month.

They never followed requirements. Not-a-one. The API is fully broken. The DB schema is BEYOND fucked. There's ZERO validation/sanitation on I/O. The deployments only work half the fucking time. Their code is so spaghetti I'm getting triggered from when I worked at Olive Garden with Eminem. But hey, at least they were able to demo it to the client to say "it works".

I don't condone violence, but every time I find malformed if statements, linter exceptions, broken deploy configurations in this project -- I just want to kick them in their stupid fucking face.

Wherever you ended up you piece of shit, I hope your dreams of becoming a rich asshole only bring you unending despair. I believe you can make it though, because you're already halfway there.

I just realized with this pandemic it's better to live in a dirt-cheap country, in a house you own, have a second hand car, work as a dev from home, become good with tools in your spare time, grow your own food in the garden.
Fuck this impossible system with it's promises of finding a cure and it's high pay but high taxes and expensive rent for living in a shitty rented apartment with no friends around, nothing to do than watch YouTube and play video games and be depressed half the time, then die because of lack of phisical activity.
I used to think countries that had good infrastructure were the best. Now public transportation is the worst idea around here, since no one wears masks and pretends all is well.
This is actually a decision I need to take next week. If you believe things will "get back to normal" please give me your input as it is valuable to me.

At $work, I just learned that a daemon on prod makes an SFTP connection to the same domain every 0.5 to 10 seconds, all day long, every single day. That’s a minimum of 8,640 connections per day!

The senior developer responsible for it had the dev skills of a junior and the management skills of a puppet, but she’s a “disadvantaged minority” and is great at stealing credit and throwing people under the bus. Naturally, she has been given multiple promotions and a team to lead… which she fills exclusively with other Indians, all of them at her skill level or below. (I used to do their code reviews and security reviews.)

When I asked one of the fintech managers (a former dev) about the crazy number of SFTP connections, he said “[Her team] did that intentionally, as it didn’t used to be that way. They must have had a reason” and cut me off.

Okay then.
Not my garden, not my fertilizer.
Just another day weeding the fields in hell.

So here's my problem. I've been employed at my current company for the last 12 months (next week is my 1 year anniversary) and I've never been as miserable in a development job as this.

I feel so upset and depressed about working in this company that getting out of bed and into the car to come here is soul draining. I used to spend hours in the evenings studying ways to improve my code, and was insanely passionate about the product, but all of this has been exterminated due to the following reasons.

Here's my problems with this place:

1 - Come May 2019 I'm relocating to Edinburgh, Scotland and my current workplace would not allow remote working despite working here for the past year in an office on my own with little interaction with anyone else in the company.

2 - There is zero professionalism in terms of work here, with there being no testing, no planning, no market research of ideas for revenue generation – nothing. This makes life incredibly stressful. This has led to countless situations where product A was expected, but product B was delivered (which then failed to generate revenue) as well as a huge amount of development time being wasted.

3 - I can’t work in a business that lives paycheck to paycheck. I’ve never been somewhere where the salary payment had to be delayed due to someone not paying us on time. My last paycheck was 4 days late.

4 - The management style is far too aggressive and emotion driven for me to be able to express my opinions without some sort of backlash.

5 - My opinions are usually completely smashed down and ignored, and no apology is offered when it turns out that they’re 100% correct in the coming months.

6 - I am due a substantial pay rise due to the increase of my skills, increase of experience, and the time of being in the company, and I think if the business cannot afford to pay £8 per month for email signatures, then I know it cannot afford to give me a pay rise.

7 - Despite having continuously delivered successful web development projects/tasks which have increased revenue, I never receive any form of thanks or recognition. It makes me feel like I am not cared about in this business in the slightest.

8 - The business fails to see potential and growth of its employees, and instead criticises based on past behaviour. 'Josh' (fake name) is a fine example of this. He was always slated by 'Tom' and 'Jerry' as being worthless, and lazy. I trained him in 2 weeks to perform some basic web development tasks using HTML, CSS, Git and SCSS, and he immediately saw his value outside of this company and left achieving a 5k pay rise during. He now works in an environment where he is constantly challenged and has reviews with his line manager monthly to praise him on his excellent work and diverse set of skills. This is not rocket science. This is how you keep employees motivated and happy.

9 - People in the business with the least or zero technical understanding or experience seem to be endlessly defining technical deadlines. This will always result in things going wrong. Before our mobile app development agency agreed on the user stories, they spent DAYS going through the specification with their developers to ensure they’re not going to over promise and under deliver.

10 - The fact that the concept of ‘stealing data’ from someone else’s website by scraping it daily for the information is not something this company is afraid to do, only further bolsters the fact that I do not want to work in such an unethical, pathetic organisation.

11 - I've been told that the MD of the company heard me on the phone to an agency (as a developer, I get calls almost every week), and that if I do it again, that the MD apparently said he would dock my pay for the time that I’m on the phone. Are you serious?! In what world is it okay for the MD of a company to threaten to punish their employees for thinking about leaving?! Why not make an attempt at nurturing them and trying to find out why they’re upset, and try to retain the talent.

Now... I REALLY want to leave immediately. Hand my notice in and fly off. I'll have 4 weeks notice to find a new role, and I'll be on garden leave effective immediately, but it's scary knowing that I may not find a role.

My situation is difficult as I can't start a new role unless it's remote or a local short term contract because my moving situation in May, and as a Junior to Mid Level developer, this isn't the easiest thing to do on the planet.

I've got a few interviews lined up (one of which was a final interview which I completed on Friday) but its still scary knowing that I may not find a new role within 4 weeks.

Advice? Thoughts? Criticisms?

Love you DevRant <3

It's so fucking hot today, just seriously fucking rediculous. Thinking of taking the laptop to code at the beer garden - will be the only way to get any productivity done.

Thoughts?

New job, first day after roughly 5 months doing absolute shit.

Oh and I got a garden now.

Let’s see...

"I would like my site to be harmonious with a garden "
- real client quote
(I quit that job shortly after)

!dev

I’ve been ranting & posting a lot about my career, relocation, work life balance etc. in the last year.

Just wanna say, relocating was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. Professionally and personally..
Although it was a bit scary and I didn’t have any money left after relocating..

It’s 6PM, I’m sitting in the garden, listen to some classical music and don’t spend a single thought on work.
Tomorrow I will arrive in the office around 7:45, I will do my work. My boss recognizes my teams effort and thanks all of us for the work on the end of each sprint.

There are no personal fights in the team, everyone is getting along with the others.

I do some good work, get a good salary and don’t have to mix up work and personal life.

The people here are awesome, everyone is welcoming and supportive.

If everything goes as planned, I’ll be able to buy my dream car by the end of summer because the government doesn’t take all of my money. They take their taxes before I get my salary and the money I get is the money I HAVE..

Ireland is awesome.
At this point: thanks for the Irish guys here who provided information about work and life over here! And also to the other devs who supported me here👍

I hate these modern forums

if I follow a link and go back I lose my place and have to scroll because MoDeRn PaGinAtIoN

I would like to browse months of posts over several days but tomorrow my browser will lose the cache and I'll have to scroll past weeks of posts to find my place again and keep going

literally everything gets worse somehow through time. less features, less intuitive, less convenient, more walled-garden, everybody is more confused, yet less opinionated and less unique. before you'd have people at least making fun of each other, inside jokes, familiarities. people would give multiple right answers, trying to outdo each other with their version to gain a cultural foothold. now companies hold the cultural foothold and just ban you if your opinion is different, and every user is just another nameless generic blob

"If flowers could grow on the moon. I'd plant you a garden of stars. So you could see in the dark,
that you're not alone."

I have a poetry book coming out (eventually) called "Steal this poem."

To date, my poetry has gotten one guy laid. Thats good enough for me.

And if you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a poet, now you too can be one.

Steal this poem.

It's 17:50.

I've been working in my mates garden all day.

Came in to sit down at about 14:00

His pissy little voice has been droning on about pointless little issues and complaining how stupid the rest of the world is for 4 GODDAMN HOURS.

HES ACTUALLY MAKING ME WANT TO BREAK HIS FUCKING NECK.

I wish I could handle tech like my mom did :D
Instead of raging and getting angry if something won’t work.
She go out, do work in her garden or something and give a damn shit about tech :D
techlevel over 9000!

It's 3am, just submitted an app for review for iOS... go to take one last test drive on the release build for android, and I get stuck in an infinite loop of "system up stopped working". An factory reset and an hour later, I'm saying fuck this, android waits, and fuck whatever Xamarin did to my phone. While I'm at it, fuck Apple for making me have 20+ icons in different sizes, and their shitty walled garden approach to a so called marketplace.

How do we feel about documentation?

Fucking lies, lies and more lies.

If you are not going to keep it accurate don’t even fucking write it down you goddamn morons!

I would rather look at the source code then be led down the garden path by your fucking lies.

I've had a Xiaomi Mi 8 for a few months now. Although I'm impressed by what I got for the amount I paid (a phone that cost about $250 for 6GB RAM, Snapdragon 845, Android 9 and premium build quality is quite a steal), it definitely comes with a consequence.

MIUI (specifically MIUI 11) is godawful. It is single-handedly the worst Android ROM I've ever used since my shitty Android 2.2 phone back around 2010. If you're gonna buy a Xiaomi phone, plan to install Lineage OS on it (but even that's a pain which I'll explain why later).

- Navigation buttons don't hide while watching a video.

Why? God only knows. The ONLY way to bypass without root this is to use its garbage fullscreen mode with gestures, which is annoying as all hell.

- 2 app info pages?

Yeah, the first one you can access just by going to its disaster of a settings app, apps, manage apps and tap on any one.

The 2nd one you can access through the app info button in any 3rd party launcher. Try this: Download Nova launcher, go to the app drawer, hold on any app and tap "app info", and you'll see the 2nd one.

Basically, instead of modifying Android's FOSS source code, they made a shitty overlay. These people are really ahead of their time.

- Can only set lock screen wallpapers using the stock Gallery app

It's not that big an issue, until it is, when whatever wallpaper app you're using only allows you to set the wallpaper and not download them. I think this is both a fuckup on Xiaomi and (insert wallpaper app name here), but why Xiaomi can't include this basic essential feature that every other Android ROM ever made has is beyond me.

- Theming on MIUI 11 is broken

Why do they even bother having a section to customize the boot animation and status bar when there's not one goddamn theme that supports it? At this point you're only changing the wallpaper and icon pack which you can do on any Android phone ever. Why even bother?

They really, REALLY want to be Apple.

Just look at their phones. They're well designed and got good specs, but they don't even care anymore about being original. The notch and lack of a headphone jack aren't features, they're tremendous fuckups by the dead rotting horse known as Apple that died when Steve Jobs did.

Xiaomi tries to build a walled garden around an inherently customizable OS, and the end result is a warzone of an Android ROM that begs for mercy from its creator. Launchers integrate horribly (Does any power user actually use anything that isn't Nova or Microsoft launcher?), 3rd party themes and customization apps need workarounds, some apps don't work at all. People buy from Xiaomi to get a high end budget Android phone at the price of some ads and data collection, not a shitter iOS wannabe.

They really, REALLY want you to have a sim card

If you don't have a sim card and you're using your phone for dev stuff, you're a 2nd class citizen to Xiaomi. Without one, you can't:

- Install adb through adb
- Write to secure settings
- Unlock your bootloader and get away from this trash Android ROM

What's the point? Are they gonna shadow ban you? Does anyone contact them to unlock their bootloader saying "yeah I wanna use a custom rom to pirate lizard porn and buy drugs"? They made this 1000000000x harder than it needs to be for no reason whatsoever. Oh yeah and you gotta wait like a week or something for them to unlock it. How they fucked up this bad is beyond me.

So yeah. Xiaomi. Great phones, atrocious OS.

HOLY SHIT

FINALLY

AN APP THAT LETS ME USE FIREFOX I STEAD OF SAFARI ON MY FUCKING IPHONE

ITS NOT THAT DAMN HARD APPLE. YOU DID IT FOR THE MAC...

also devrant, plz add browser selection for iOS (yes I already submitted a GH issue)

!dev

My favorite pubs beer garden turned into a no smoker area.. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

I always find it ironic that Linux pioneered the concept of a walled garden software repository.

For whoever lost a flame earring at the Garden concert, hmu otherwise I will wear it on my nipple.

!rant
import analogies

Customer: So I have two emails and I'd like to be able to use them.

Me: Okay, I see you have both Windows Live Mail and Thunderbird...

Customer: Yeah, Thunderbird was the old one we used, we now use the Windows Live Mail, but it's always having problems.

Me: Well, Windows Live Mail isn't supported anymore, so I would recommend moving back to Thunderbird.

Customer: But that would mean I would have to get another email, right?

Me: No... *thinks for a moment* OK, imagine you have a garden hose that is connected to the main line of your house. You with me?

Customer: I guess...

Me: So the connection from your house is your email - or at least the server out on the internet. Now on the other end you have a hose splitter, and it splits off into two other hoses. Still with me?

Customer: Yeah...

Me: So on the end of the other two hoses you have two spray nozzles; one for each hose. Now one nozzle is from company A and the other is from company B. Both nozzles share some spray types on the heads, but there are a few heads on A that B doesn't have and vice versa.

Customer: OK...

Me: Those spray heads are Windows Live Mail and Thunderbird. They receive your mail from the same place, like the water, but they have different features. Does that makes sense?

Customer: I suppose.

not dev related..

Olive Garden is nothing but Italian Denny's.

Hot sunny day, trying to use my laptop in the garden, can't see shit on the screen!

Contrast to the max ☀️

Sitting in my beautiful chalet on this beautiful park. My garden nicely mowed. Sun in shining. Was in the zone the whole day. Now it's time to shift some gears and fetch some desperado's (will pass out after three probably, didn't drink for long time). Walk towards neighbor and drink together.

Life can be so beautiful

Can’t go outside cause fuck outside, inside is where it’s at !!
(Garden in our building)

I would run a bookstore beer garden.
I think enjoying a good book and a beer is a fantastic combination.

Hi people first as you know my English is not very poor im sorry for that.
I try to make an automat a sprinkle water and a auto light on a interior garden in aquarium.

For that in python i use main thread, a class Water.py extends Threading and Light.py extends Threading

In the __init__.py file i put my main function that get argv for execution. One of my arguments is -v (--verbose)
I want to pass that args to my class instances.

-I don't want to make one parameter in my constructors because I think we don't passe verbose mode in parameter of constructor.

-I use global not working through de import.

Do you have some magic for me :/ ?

Anyone else noticed this symbolism in the "compact" Google "G" logo?

The inner circle is like a walled garden of information with an open gate that is controlled by the G-atekeeper.

So watch out for the rebrand to Ooogle

Do something physical where I can see the result.
Paint that bookshelf that I would do one day. Organize the big pile of mess in the storage, plant something in the garden. Something where you are reminded when you see it: ohh I fixed that and feel proud.
Organize ones and zeroes are sometimes a bit abstract for the primitive brain to give that fulfillment feeling.

Why "remote-first" companies, have now all as a policy the "twice a year" gatherings? If i wanted to leave my place and break my routine, i would prefer hybrid positions. Do i have to travel over the sea to balance the gained commute time all at once? Cant they think, that the fact that i apply for remote position, means that i have my reasons? (weirdo life, having a garden and animals, having family, take care of some person with health conditions, having my self health conditions, being weirdo again, living in nature etc)

Right, just put next doors new garden furniture and gas fired barbecue stove on ebay... fancy a new iPhone XS. 😀

DREAM 1
(my comments look like this)

A kikiland metro system. It's extradimensional and shapeshifting. When you enter it, it adapts to your needs. The people inside (they're probably just vinyl shells), the social circumstances, all generated for you.
When you enter it, it knows where you want to go. It spawns exactly one train just for you. It will be the first, it will be the last. You have to catch it to go where you need. If you miss it, there will be no more trains, and you have to wait till the metro station closes for the night and reopens.
It's always you entering, catching the train that arrives just in time, going to where you need to go and exiting.
Because of its extradimensional nature, you cannot agree to meet someone there — every person has their own personal metro generated just for them every time, with exactly one train going exactly to the station you need.

It's used by BLA as a form of control. When they don't want you to go somewhere, the train won't spawn. Or, it might diverge and get you to some other place. It isn't known whether the map can be altered on the fly or not. So far, the consensus is that the map is persistent and is a public knowledge, and it's just the metro itself that is extradimensional. But, no one ever saw the real metro in its real form, and not the top layer that protrudes into the three-dimensional world you can interact with. It might be the case that they can make people disappear by creating ad-hoc stations that don't intersect with the real world, trapping them in places that are nowhere in particular.

(it took seeing BLA once in one dream to make all the following dreams include them. Sigh.)

Kikiland also has a school, and it always had it. I befriended a chemistry teacher there. His classroom is small — exactly as deep as other classrooms, but really narrow. There are no desks there, just his desk and some bookshelves. Chemistry isn't a priority there — his class exists only because it should. No one attends it. This is why he was so pleased to meet me. Despite his classroom being located on a busy floor, its door is overlooked by students, and NO ONE ever enters it. He just sits there, waiting for students to arrive, but they never do.
He has a secret, though, because of course he does. In the game Control, if you complete the main storyline before you complete some side quests, one of the main characters will be sitting in the C-suit hall, doing her things, waiting for you to come and talk to her. But at the same time, she will be waiting for you deep down the oldest house's mines, again, just sitting there, waiting for you to take the quest. This teacher is the same.

If you have a good relationship with him, and you attend his class, the classroom will change to a tunnel entrance, with him being the security guard. He's your friend, he'll let you in. It looks like Fallout's vault entrance. THIS is how you enter the REAL kikiland metro. (Dream 1 ends here.)

Episode 2
Tiny waterborne rat puppies whose mouth is their entire face unfolding like a piece of paper with teeth covering it as a grid. (I wrote about them already, but here they are again.) They are _tiny_, a bit like tadpoles. Also, like tadpoles, they die if you touch them out of water. As I was flying over some mountain resort (I routinely fly in my dreams, but it feels more like a very low gravity falling I can control, like using a parachute in GTA San Andreas), I dumped them to a location that resembled the garden level of Prince of Persia: Warrior Within for my cat to eat. It didn't want to.

what I like to do when I'm not programming (draw, and also garden)
Can't. stop. creating. things.

what do you guys like to do outside of coding?

Asian fried red onions that are dry and crispy potato chip-like snack, organic Italian tomato juice, sardines

I am the olive garden now

I read a quote once, and I can't recall neither the exact words nor the author. Can anyone help?

The quote was something like this:
"A website is like a garden. You aren't done once you've planted. You need to maintain it continuously."

I enjoy reading the arcane language of devs, although I haven't a fucking clue what you're talking about. It's the instinctive rise and fall of emotion that I find gripping.
There's one thing I may be better at than most of you; since 1967's first episode of "Time Tunnel," I have been enamoured of RMS Titanic. So, two things. Today is the birthday of Jack Phillips, the senior wireless operator who lost his life the night of the sinking. There's a memorial garden in his birthplace, Godalming, Surrey, UK. The second is my recent immersion in enhancing images. I'm attaching a work in progress of RMS Titanic sailing past the Isle of Wight on her maiden voyage. Stay dry lol.

THE GLORY THAT IS GNOME 40 !!!!!
I'LL BLOW THAT GARDEN THINGAMAJIG UNTIL THE DAY I DIE ! AND SCREW YOU PEOPLE FOR DOWNING MY LOVE AFFAIR YEARS AGO ! I LOVE CHESTER THE GNOME, HIS BEARD TICKLES AND HE IS MULTI TASKING !

I'm rather clueless on mathematics. Should I pick up data science or stick to garden variety software development?

The artwork consists of the outline of a female torso: bold lines, felt tip on paper.

Within the outline, as if typed on an old typewriter, are a number of lines of free verse, celebrating the mystery and homoerotic frisson of male comradeship.

At the bottom of the outline, the eye is drawn to the true mystery of the piece: the artist has used his own signature to represent the woman's pubic hair.

The signature-as-pubes motif confronts us with multiple layers of meaning.

Is the artist taking ownership of the female form? Or taking credit for its beauty? Is he autographing it, as a famous cricketer might autograph a couple of balls and a helmet?

How are we to interpret his other works in light of this? Are we to see his signature as representing a lady garden everywhere it appears?

Was hella drunked yesterday. Guy at work brought me to some place called beer garden. Tf do u order in a beer garden. Whack. They drank 2 huge beers and so did i. Its like 1 or 2 liters no idea. My vision was delayed and blurry. My head hurts now too. They good ppl but i hate alcoholics and average people with no ambition other than to go out talk unimportant stories which wont buy me bread and drink alcohol. Im a fucking businessman. I want to talk about ideas and creating businesses especially tech startups or saas. Im a fucking God. I deserve to be surrounded by highly ambitious millionaires like myself who dont drink or talk shit, but talk only money talk. I can do moneytalk all night long. Any improvements on what can get me bread is ALWAYS highly more valuable topic than shittalking non bread topics. I hate this and i feel bad for these good people to watch them slave their life away not trying to be rich like me they're content with being average and it disgusts me because when ur average ur just 1 slip away from becoming poor or homeless. I'd rather steal millions and rot in jail for the rest of my life than work for matrix as a slave to eat crumbs for the rest of my life...

Ooh garden leave. Being paid to look for a new job.

Gaming! Even though I am not a hardcore gamer, I spend so much time on multiplayer games. Mostly, PVZ Garden Warfare 2.

I'd really like to know what kind of shit the guys at microfocus snorted when they developed uft. Who in his right mind supports only vbscript? It's cumbersome, ugly and depends on an Microsoft environment and yet the only way to get uft to work.

I'm honestly looking into plane tickets to Maryland just to slap anyone of those "fine gentlemen" with rusty garden chairs across their faces.

I know how it feels you hand over your hard-earned money, trusting that the smooth-talking people on the other side will make it grow while you’re out living your best life. You picture your investment flourishing, like a garden left in the hands of a seasoned gardener. Instead, it's more like entrusting your prized plant to someone who turns out to be a plant thief. They care more about fattening their own wallets than watching your money bloom. And when you try to get your funds back, they lock it down tighter than a squirrel hoarding its stash, leaving you with no answers, no options, and certainly no hope.I thought I’d lost my money for good. The people I dealt with were based right here in Toronto, Canada, but these weren’t just any scammers—they were experts, like financial Navy SEALs, skilled at making you feel powerless. For a long time, I was left wondering if I’d ever see a cent of my investment again. But I wasn’t ready to give up just yet. That's when I found out about Kaynine cyber services.At first, I wasn’t sure if anyone could help. But I decided to give it a shot, and I'm so glad I did. The team at Kaynine cyber services dove into my case with the kind of focus and expertise you’d expect from forensic accountants. They didn’t just let my situation sit; they meticulously pieced together every detail, figuring out exactly where my money had gone (and spoiler alert it wasn’t anywhere near where I was promised). Thanks to their expertise, I finally understood how these fraudsters had scammed me, and they showed me the way to get my money back. It wasn’t easy, but with their help, I was able to recover what was rightfully mine.If you’ve found yourself in a similar situation, feeling stuck and uncertain, don’t lose hope. Kaynine cyber services is your best shot at getting your money back. Their team of experts knows exactly how to navigate these tricky, fraud-filled waters, and they’ll do everything they can to help you get your financial peace of mind back. Trust me, it’s worth reaching out.
k a y n i n e @ c y b e r s e r v i c e s . c o m
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Bob's Landscape & Irrigation Solutions LLC: Expert Installation of New Irrigation Systems in Fort Worth, TX

At Bob's Landscape & Irrigation Solutions LLC, we specialize in the design and installation of new irrigation systems that ensure your lawn and garden stay healthy, lush, and vibrant throughout the year. Whether you’re looking to install a system for a new property or upgrade an old, inefficient system, our team of professionals is here to provide reliable and efficient solutions in Fort Worth, TX.

Why Choose Bob's Landscape & Irrigation Solutions for Your New Irrigation System?
Located at 1465 Mil Oaks Ln, Fort Worth, TX 76135, Bob's Landscape & Irrigation Solutions LLC is the trusted name in new irrigation system installations. We are dedicated to delivering high-quality, sustainable irrigation systems tailored to meet the specific needs of your property. Here’s why we are the best choice for installing a new irrigation system:

1. Custom Design & Consultation
We understand that every lawn and garden is unique, and so are your irrigation needs. Our team works closely with you to design a new irrigation system that fits the layout of your property, ensuring your plants, lawn, and garden beds get the right amount of water. We take into account factors like plant types, soil conditions, and sun exposure to create a customized solution.

2. Efficient & Sustainable Systems
At Bob's Landscape & Irrigation Solutions LLC, we’re committed to sustainability. Our new irrigation system installations are designed to minimize water waste and maximize efficiency. We use the latest technology, such as smart controllers, water-efficient sprinkler heads, and sensors, to help you conserve water while keeping your landscape healthy.

3. Expert Installation
Our experienced technicians handle every step of the installation process with precision and care. From setting up the system and digging trenches to testing the system for efficiency, we ensure that your new irrigation system is installed correctly and functions optimally from day one.

4. Affordable & Transparent Pricing
We believe in providing high-quality services at competitive rates. Our transparent pricing ensures there are no hidden fees, and we offer free consultations and estimates to help you make an informed decision about your new irrigation system. We’ll work with you to stay within your budget without compromising on quality.

5. Ongoing Support & Maintenance
After your new irrigation system is installed, we don’t leave you hanging. We offer ongoing maintenance and support to ensure your system continues to operate efficiently year after year. From seasonal adjustments to troubleshooting, our team is always available to help.

The Benefits of Installing a New Irrigation System
Installing a new irrigation system comes with many advantages. Here are just a few reasons why you should consider upgrading or installing a new system:

Water Conservation: A professionally installed irrigation system reduces water waste by delivering the right amount of water directly to your plants, promoting healthy growth while saving water.

Consistent Lawn Care: With a new irrigation system, you can ensure that your lawn and garden receive consistent watering, even when you’re busy or away.

Time-Saving: A smart irrigation system can be programmed to water your landscape automatically, saving you time and effort compared to traditional manual watering.

Custom Paver Patios in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL
A custom paver patio is the perfect way to create an outdoor space that complements your home and lifestyle. Whether you're looking for a relaxing retreat or an area to entertain guests, our expert team will design and install a custom paver patio that suits your specific needs. At MG Pavers Hardscape and Stones, we offer a variety of paver materials, colors, and patterns, ensuring that your patio is as unique as your home. From classic designs to contemporary styles, we work closely with you to bring your vision to life with the highest quality materials and precision installation.

Driveway Pavers in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL: Enhance Your Curb Appeal
Your driveway is one of the first things people notice when they approach your home. Installing driveway pavers in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL is an excellent way to boost your home’s curb appeal while also creating a durable, long-lasting surface. MG Pavers Hardscape and Stones offers a variety of high-quality paver options, including concrete, brick, and natural stone, to create a driveway that enhances the overall aesthetic of your property. Our pavers are designed to withstand the wear and tear of daily traffic and the Florida weather, ensuring a beautiful and functional driveway for years to come.

Walkway Pavers in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL: Elegant Pathways for Your Outdoor Space
A well-designed walkway can add both beauty and functionality to your landscape, guiding guests through your garden or to your front door with style. At MG Pavers Hardscape and Stones, we offer a wide range of walkway pavers in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL to create elegant, durable pathways. Whether you’re looking for a rustic natural stone path or a more modern, sleek design, we have the right materials to match your vision. Our experienced team will ensure that your walkway is both aesthetically pleasing and built to last, providing a charming and durable solution for your outdoor spaces.

Hardscape and Stonework in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL: Expert Craftsmanship for Your Outdoor Areas
As specialists in hardscape and stonework in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL, we provide a wide range of services to transform your outdoor living areas. From paver patios and walkways to retaining walls, fire pits, and stone features, we bring expert craftsmanship and design to every project. At MG Pavers Hardscape and Stones, we take pride in using high-quality materials to create hardscaping features that are not only beautiful but also functional and long-lasting. Whether you're looking to create an elegant stone retaining wall or add a custom stonework feature to your garden, we are here to bring your outdoor vision to life.

Patio Design in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL: Custom Solutions for Your Outdoor Living Space
A well-thought-out patio design is key to maximizing the potential of your outdoor space. Whether you're looking to create a cozy retreat or a spacious area for entertaining, our team at MG Pavers Hardscape and Stones specializes in custom patio designs in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL. We work with you to understand your vision and preferences, providing expert advice on materials, layout, and design. From classic paver patios to elaborate outdoor kitchens and fire pits, our team will ensure that your patio is a beautiful, functional extension of your home.

Why Choose MG Pavers Hardscape and Stones?
Expert Installation: With years of experience, we provide expert installation of custom paver patios, driveway pavers, walkway pavers, and more.

High-Quality Materials: We use only the best materials to ensure your hardscaping is not only beautiful but also durable and long-lasting.

Custom Designs: Every project is unique. We offer personalized design solutions that suit your style, needs, and budget.

Professional Service: Our team is dedicated to delivering outstanding customer service and craftsmanship, ensuring that every project meets or exceeds your expectations.

Affordable Pricing: We offer competitive pricing without compromising on quality, so you get the best value for your investment.

Get Started with MG Pavers Hardscape and Stones Today!
Ready to transform your outdoor space with custom paver patios, driveway pavers, stonework, or patio design in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL? MG Pavers Hardscape and Stones is here to help! Our team of professionals is dedicated to creating outdoor spaces that enhance the beauty, functionality, and value of your home.

Contact us today at +1 904-875-4280 or visit us at 9339 Craven Rd Suite A, Jacksonville, FL 32257 to schedule a consultation. Let us help you create the outdoor space of your dreams with expert hardscape and stonework services!

Illuminate Your Outdoors with Paradise Lights
When it comes to enhancing your home’s exterior, landscape lighting is a game-changer. At Paradise Lights, we specialize in transforming your outdoor spaces into stunning retreats, perfect for entertaining or simply enjoying a peaceful evening under the stars.

The Benefits of Landscape Lighting
1. Enhanced Aesthetic Appeal:
Properly placed outdoor lighting not only highlights the natural beauty of your landscaping but also creates a welcoming ambiance. Imagine walking through your garden at night, surrounded by softly glowing lights that accentuate the unique features of your plants and pathways.

2. Increased Safety:
Well-lit outdoor areas help reduce the risk of accidents. Illuminate walkways, stairs, and entry points with landscape lighting to ensure safe passage for family and guests, even in the darkest hours.

3. Extended Outdoor Living:
With the right outdoor lighting, you can enjoy your outdoor spaces long after the sun goes down. Create an inviting atmosphere for late-night barbecues, gatherings with friends, or quiet moments alone with nature.

Our Services
At Paradise Lights, we offer a wide range of services tailored to meet your specific needs:

Custom Landscape Lighting Design: Our team of experts will work with you to design a lighting plan that perfectly complements your home and landscape features.

Professional Installation: We ensure that every light is installed with precision, maximizing both functionality and aesthetic appeal.

Maintenance and Support: Our commitment doesn’t end with installation. We offer ongoing support and maintenance to keep your outdoor lighting in top shape.

Why Choose Paradise Lights?
Expertise: With years of experience in the lighting industry, our team knows how to create beautiful outdoor environments that stand out.

Quality Products: We use only the highest quality materials and fixtures, ensuring that your landscape lighting lasts for years to come.

Customer Satisfaction: Our clients are our top priority. We work closely with you to ensure that your vision becomes a reality.

Get in Touch
Ready to transform your outdoor spaces with stunning landscape lighting? Contact us today at +12393123032 to schedule a consultation. Let Paradise Lights help you create a beautiful and inviting outdoor environment that you can enjoy all year round!

SLM Star Handyman: Expert Home Repairs and Property Maintenance in Southend-on-Sea and Essex

When it comes to home repairs in Southend-on-Sea or property maintenance in Southend, SLM Star Handyman is your trusted local partner. Whether you're facing a minor repair or need ongoing maintenance, we provide professional services that cater to both residential and commercial properties. Our handyman experts in Southend-on-Sea are skilled, reliable, and dedicated to delivering quality results every time.

Reliable Southend-on-Sea Home Repairs
At SLM Star Handyman, we understand that home repairs in Southend-on-Sea are an essential part of maintaining a comfortable and safe living environment. Our team of handyman experts in Southend-on-Sea is here to handle all types of home repairs, from small fixes to more complex tasks. Whether it’s a leaky faucet, a broken door, or a malfunctioning electrical outlet, we’re equipped to provide fast and reliable solutions.

Our home repair services include:

Plumbing repairs (leaks, blockages, faucet installations)

Electrical repairs (outlets, light fixtures, wiring)

General carpentry (door repairs, shelving installations)

Painting and decorating (walls, ceilings, and touch-ups)

Wall mounting (TVs, shelves, mirrors)

Flooring repairs (tile, hardwood, and carpet)

We aim to make your home safe and functional again with our affordable and efficient services.

Handyman Repairs Essex: Serving the Whole County
If you’re in need of handyman repairs in Essex, SLM Star Handyman is proud to offer our expert services throughout the region. Whether you’re a homeowner or a business owner, we provide a wide variety of handyman services that cover all your repair and maintenance needs. From fixing broken appliances to ensuring your property is well-maintained, our team is always ready to assist.

Our handyman repair services in Essex include:

General property repairs (plumbing, electrical, and carpentry)

Installation services (shelves, light fixtures, blinds)

Property upkeep and maintenance (painting, cleaning, repairs)

Emergency repairs for urgent issues like leaks or electrical faults

With our vast experience and dedication, we are one of the most trusted handyman repair providers in Essex.

Property Maintenance in Southend: Keep Your Home in Top Shape
Regular property maintenance in Southend is key to preserving the value of your property and preventing costly repairs down the line. At SLM Star Handyman, we offer a comprehensive range of maintenance services to ensure that your home or business is always in optimal condition. From seasonal checks to ongoing upkeep, our team of handyman experts in Southend-on-Sea will keep everything running smoothly.

Our property maintenance services in Southend include:

Gutter cleaning and maintenance

Roof repairs and inspections

Window and door repairs

Garden and outdoor area maintenance

Seasonal property checks (heating, plumbing, and more)

With our tailored maintenance services, you can rest assured that your property will remain well-maintained, functional, and secure all year round.

Why Choose SLM Star Handyman?
Experienced Handyman Experts: Our team consists of skilled professionals with years of experience, offering a wide range of handyman services in Southend-on-Sea and Essex.

Comprehensive Services: Whether you need home repairs in Southend-on-Sea, property maintenance in Southend, or handyman repairs in Essex, we cover it all.

Affordable and Reliable: We offer competitive pricing without compromising on quality. Our services are designed to provide value while meeting your expectations.

Customer Satisfaction: We are committed to completing every job to your satisfaction, ensuring you receive top-notch service and high-quality results.

Get in Touch with SLM Star Handyman Today
If you're looking for expert home repairs in Southend-on-Sea, reliable handyman repairs in Essex, or professional property maintenance in Southend, SLM Star Handyman is here to help. Contact us today at +447467797250 or visit us at North Ave, Southend-on-Sea SS2 4EN, United Kingdom. Let our team of handyman experts in Southend-on-Sea take care of all your repair and maintenance needs!

Staunch Concrete Construction, LLC: Your Trusted Concrete Contractor for Parking Pads and Sidewalks in New Braunfels

When it comes to concrete construction services in New Braunfels, Staunch Concrete Construction, LLC stands out as a reliable and professional contractor. Whether you're looking to install a Concrete Parking Pad in New Braunfels or need a Concrete Sidewalk in New Braunfels, our skilled team has the expertise to deliver high-quality results that last for years to come.

We take pride in offering durable, attractive, and cost-effective concrete solutions that will enhance your property’s functionality and curb appeal. Let us help you create well-constructed, lasting concrete features for your home or business!

Concrete Parking Pads in New Braunfels: A Practical and Durable Solution
A Concrete Parking Pad in New Braunfels offers a convenient and durable place to park your vehicles, adding value and practicality to your property. Whether you need an extra parking space, a dedicated area for recreational vehicles (RVs), or a pad for heavy-duty equipment, we can design and install a solution tailored to your specific needs.

At Staunch Concrete Construction, LLC, we understand the importance of a sturdy and reliable parking pad. That’s why we use only high-quality materials and proven techniques to ensure your concrete parking pad can withstand the elements, heavy traffic, and everyday wear and tear. Whether it’s for residential or commercial purposes, we make sure your parking pad is level, secure, and built to last.

Concrete Sidewalks in New Braunfels: Enhance Accessibility and Aesthetics
A Concrete Sidewalk in New Braunfels is a crucial element of your property’s accessibility and appearance. Whether you're creating a walkway that leads to your front door, adds charm to your garden, or guides visitors around your commercial space, a well-built concrete sidewalk can make a significant difference.

At Staunch Concrete Construction, LLC, we specialize in designing and installing custom concrete sidewalks that are both functional and attractive. From basic walkways to decorative patterns and textures, we work with you to create a sidewalk that complements your property’s style and layout. Our expert team ensures the sidewalk is constructed to meet all safety standards while providing smooth, durable paths for pedestrians.

Why Choose Staunch Concrete Construction for Your Concrete Parking Pad or Sidewalk?
Here’s why Staunch Concrete Construction, LLC is the go-to choice for concrete parking pads and sidewalks in New Braunfels:

Expert Craftsmanship
Our team has extensive experience working with concrete, ensuring that every parking pad and sidewalk is installed with precision and attention to detail. We are committed to delivering the highest quality of work on every project.

Customization to Fit Your Needs
We understand that every property is unique, and we offer a variety of design options to suit your preferences and requirements. Whether you want a simple parking pad or a decorative sidewalk, we work with you to ensure your vision becomes a reality.

Durable and Long-Lasting Solutions
Concrete is known for its durability, and at Staunch Concrete Construction, LLC, we ensure that your concrete parking pad and sidewalk will stand the test of time. Our materials are high-quality, and our installation methods are designed to withstand the elements and heavy use.

Affordable and Transparent Pricing
We believe that high-quality concrete services should be accessible and affordable. Our pricing is competitive, and we offer transparent estimates with no hidden costs, so you know exactly what you’re getting.

Reliable and Timely Service
We value your time and aim to complete every project on schedule without sacrificing quality. Our team works efficiently to ensure that your concrete parking pad or sidewalk is finished in a timely manner, allowing you to enjoy your new features sooner.

Contact Staunch Concrete Construction, LLC Today!
If you’re looking to install a Concrete Parking Pad or a Concrete Sidewalk in New Braunfels, Staunch Concrete Construction, LLC is here to help. We are dedicated to providing high-quality concrete services that enhance the beauty and functionality of your property. Whether it’s for residential or commercial needs, we offer reliable, cost-effective solutions you can count on.

For a free estimate or to learn more about our services, give us a call at +1 (830) 660-1133 or visit us at 1175 Hilltop Oaks, New Braunfels, TX 78132. We look forward to working with you on your next concrete project!

Wild Tree Solutions: Expert Tree Care and Stump Removal Services in Lake Oswego, Oregon

At Wild Tree Solutions, we are committed to providing exceptional tree care services to homeowners and businesses throughout Lake Oswego, Oregon. Whether you need professional stump removal, expert tree cutting, or reliable arborist services, our experienced team is here to ensure your trees and landscape thrive. We are proud to offer a wide range of tree services that focus on both aesthetics and safety, backed by years of experience in the industry.

Stump Removal Lake Oswego: Say Goodbye to Unwanted Stumps
After a tree is removed, the leftover stump can be an eyesore and an obstacle to your landscape. At Wild Tree Solutions, we specialize in stump removal in Lake Oswego, using advanced equipment to grind stumps down to below ground level. Our stump removal process is thorough and efficient, leaving your yard clean and free of any remnants from the tree. Not only does this enhance the appearance of your property, but it also prevents potential tripping hazards and encourages new growth in your garden or lawn.

Tree Care Lake Oswego: Comprehensive Tree Maintenance Services
Proper tree care is essential to ensuring your trees live long, healthy lives. Whether it's routine care or more specialized treatments, Wild Tree Solutions is your go-to provider of comprehensive tree care in Lake Oswego. Our team of skilled arborists provides expert advice and services, including pruning, trimming, fertilization, and disease management, all aimed at promoting strong and healthy trees that enhance your landscape’s beauty.

Tree Cutting Lake Oswego: Professional and Safe Tree Cutting Services
Tree cutting can be a complex and dangerous task, but with the expertise of Wild Tree Solutions, you can be sure that the job will be done safely and efficiently. We provide professional tree cutting services in Lake Oswego, whether you're removing a dead or hazardous tree, or clearing space for new growth. Our experienced arborists take every precaution to ensure the safety of your property, as well as the surrounding trees and structures.

Arborist Services Lake Oswego: Expert Tree Assessments and Advice
When it comes to tree care, you want to trust an expert. At Wild Tree Solutions, we offer professional arborist services in Lake Oswego, giving you the expertise you need to maintain your trees’ health and appearance. Our certified arborists provide tree assessments, risk evaluations, and consultations to determine the best course of action for your trees. Whether you need advice on tree selection, pruning, or pest management, we’re here to help.

Emergency Tree Removal Lake Oswego: Fast and Reliable Services When You Need Them Most
Emergencies can happen at any time, especially when a tree becomes unstable due to storms or other unexpected events. If you’re in need of emergency tree removal in Lake Oswego, Wild Tree Solutions is ready to respond quickly and efficiently. Our team is available 24/7 to handle any urgent tree-related situation, ensuring that your property remains safe and secure. We prioritize safety and act fast to remove fallen or hazardous trees without causing further damage to your landscape.

Why Choose Wild Tree Solutions?
Experienced Arborists: Our certified arborists have extensive knowledge of tree health and care, ensuring your trees get the best possible treatment.

Safety First: We always prioritize safety in every tree service we provide, ensuring minimal disruption to your property and the environment.

Comprehensive Services: From stump removal to tree cutting, pruning, and emergency services, we offer a full range of tree care solutions.

Customer Satisfaction: At Wild Tree Solutions, customer satisfaction is our top priority. We work hard to exceed your expectations on every job.

Contact Wild Tree Solutions Today
For expert tree care, stump removal, tree cutting, and emergency tree removal in Lake Oswego, reach out to Wild Tree Solutions. Our team of arborists is here to help with all your tree care needs, big or small.

Business Contact Information:
Wild Tree Solutions
1426 SE Duke Dr, Hillsboro, OR 97123
Phone: +1 (503) 374-3521

Transform Your Home with Mark Brightman Handyman Services: Lighting Installation, Pet Doors, and More

When you're in need of a reliable handyman near me, Mark Brightman Handyman Services is here to help. Serving the Beaverton, OR area, we specialize in a wide range of home improvement services, from lighting installation near me to pet door installation near me, and much more. Our team of skilled professionals is dedicated to making your home safer, more comfortable, and more efficient with expert installations, repairs, and renovations.

Located at 1856 NE 101st Ave #102, Beaverton, OR 97006, Mark Brightman Handyman Services is your go-to source for all things home improvement in Beaverton and the greater Portland area. Let’s take a closer look at how our services can improve your home and life.

Lighting Installation Near Me – Brighten Your Home with Expert Lighting Solutions
Whether you need new lights for your kitchen, living room, outdoor space, or bathroom, lighting installation near me is a service we specialize in. Proper lighting not only enhances the aesthetics of your home but also adds safety and functionality to your living spaces. At Mark Brightman Handyman Services, we offer expert lighting installation near me that suits your style and needs.

Our lighting installation near me services include:

Indoor Lighting: From recessed lights to pendant lighting, we help you choose and install the right lights for every room in your home.
Outdoor Lighting: Increase security and create ambiance with outdoor lighting for pathways, porches, gardens, and more.
Ceiling Fans with Lighting: Looking for both cooling and lighting? We can install ceiling fans that also feature built-in lights, perfect for saving space while adding comfort and illumination.
Custom Lighting Solutions: We can design custom lighting setups for home theaters, accent lighting, or task lighting tailored to your needs.
No matter what type of lighting you need, Mark Brightman Handyman Services provides professional lighting installation near me that enhances the beauty and functionality of your home.

Pet Door Installation Near Me – Let Your Pets Roam Freely
For pet owners, installing a pet door installation near me is a simple yet effective way to give your furry friends the freedom to come and go as they please. Whether you have a dog, cat, or both, a pet door can provide them with easy access to the yard, patio, or garden, all while maintaining the security and privacy of your home.

At Mark Brightman Handyman Services, we specialize in installing a variety of pet doors to suit different needs and budgets. Our pet door installation near me services include:

Dog and Cat Doors: We offer pet doors that can be installed in walls, doors, or windows, designed for both dogs and cats. From small to large breeds, we ensure the pet door is the perfect size.
Electronic Pet Doors: For added security, we can install electronic pet doors that open only when activated by a collar sensor, keeping unwanted animals from entering.
Security and Weatherproofing: Our pet doors are designed to be secure, weatherproof, and energy-efficient, helping you maintain comfort and safety in your home.
Custom Pet Doors: Need a unique installation? We can customize a pet door to fit specific areas or particular needs, including sliding doors or garage entries.
By choosing Mark Brightman Handyman Services for your pet door installation near me, you’re ensuring a high-quality installation that keeps both your pets and home secure.

Reliable Handyman Near Me – Your Trusted Expert for All Home Repairs and Improvements
When you search for a reliable handyman near me, you want a professional who can handle everything from small repairs to major installations. Mark Brightman Handyman Services is your trusted partner for all your home improvement needs. We take pride in delivering expert services with a focus on quality, customer satisfaction, and convenience.

As a reliable handyman near me, we offer:

General Home Repairs: Whether it's fixing leaky faucets, repairing drywall, or replacing worn-out hardware, we provide dependable repairs to keep your home in top condition.
Remodeling and Renovations: From kitchen and bathroom remodels to custom built-ins and room additions, our team has the expertise to transform any part of your home.
Maintenance Services: We offer routine maintenance to help prevent costly repairs down the road, including gutter cleaning, HVAC maintenance, and more.
Specialty Installations: In addition to lighting and pet doors, we can handle everything from TV wall mounting and furniture assembly to ceiling fan installations and door repairs.
At Mark Brightman Handyman Services, we are a reliable handyman near me who brings professionalism, attention to detail, and a strong work ethic to every job, no matter how big or small.

Why Choose Mark Brightman Handyman Services?

Pure Pressure Wash Co LLC: Professional Gutter Cleaning Services in Thousand Oaks, CA

At Pure Pressure Wash Co LLC, we understand the importance of maintaining the health and integrity of your home or business, and one key aspect of property maintenance that’s often overlooked is gutter cleaning. Gutters are designed to protect your property by channeling rainwater away from your roof, walls, and foundation, but over time, they can become clogged with leaves, twigs, dirt, and other debris. When this happens, your gutters can no longer do their job effectively, leading to potential damage to your roof, walls, and even your foundation. That's where we come in.

Serving Thousand Oaks, California, and the surrounding areas, Pure Pressure Wash Co LLC offers professional gutter cleaning services to keep your property safe and protected. Our team uses the latest tools and techniques to ensure your gutters are clear, functioning properly, and free of debris, so you can avoid costly repairs down the road.

Why Gutter Cleaning is Essential
Your gutters play a critical role in maintaining the structural integrity of your property. When they are clogged or damaged, it can lead to a number of issues, including:

Water Damage to the Roof
When gutters are clogged, water can back up onto your roof. Over time, this can cause roof leaks, rotting shingles, and mold growth, which can compromise the entire roofing structure. Regular gutter cleaning prevents water from accumulating on your roof and causing expensive damage.

Foundation Problems
Gutters that are full of debris can cause rainwater to spill over the edges and pool around the foundation of your home. This excess water can seep into the ground, leading to soil erosion and cracks in your foundation, which can be costly to repair.

Landscape Damage
Overflowing gutters can also damage your landscaping by directing water to areas where it shouldn’t be. Erosion, over-watering, and soil displacement can harm your plants, garden beds, and lawn.

Mold and Mildew Growth
When water is trapped in clogged gutters, it can create a perfect breeding ground for mold and mildew. Over time, this can spread to other parts of your home, causing health issues and further property damage.

Pest Infestations
Clogged gutters are also a haven for pests, including mosquitoes, ants, rodents, and even birds. Standing water in gutters provides a place for mosquitoes to breed, while leaves and debris attract rodents looking for shelter. Gutter cleaning ensures that these unwanted guests don’t make your gutters their home.

Why Choose Pure Pressure Wash Co LLC for Gutter Cleaning?
At Pure Pressure Wash Co LLC, we pride ourselves on providing top-notch gutter cleaning services that ensure your property stays in great shape year-round. Here’s why homeowners and businesses in Thousand Oaks trust us for all their gutter cleaning needs:

Experienced Technicians: Our team of professionals is highly trained in gutter cleaning, ensuring that we remove debris thoroughly and safely. We use the best tools and techniques to get the job done right the first time, whether your gutters are hard to reach or heavily clogged.

Thorough Inspection: We don’t just clean your gutters—we also inspect them for any damage, such as cracks, leaks, or loose hangers. If we find any issues, we’ll notify you so you can address them before they become bigger problems.

Safe and Efficient: Gutter cleaning can be dangerous, especially if your gutters are high up or hard to access. Our team is equipped with the proper safety gear and tools to safely clean your gutters, ensuring a job well done without risking injury.

Eco-Friendly Practices: We’re committed to protecting the environment, which is why we use eco-friendly cleaning products and methods. We also dispose of debris in a responsible manner, ensuring that nothing goes to waste.

Affordable Pricing: We believe that gutter cleaning should be affordable, and we offer competitive, transparent pricing with no hidden fees. You’ll receive a free estimate before we start the job, so you know exactly what to expect.

Comprehensive Services: In addition to gutter cleaning, we also offer gutter maintenance and repair services. If your gutters need minor repairs or adjustments, we can handle it while we’re on-site, ensuring that your gutters function optimally year-round.

Our Gutter Cleaning Process
We follow a systematic approach to ensure that your gutters are thoroughly cleaned and working efficiently. Here’s what you can expect when you hire Pure Pressure Wash Co LLC for gutter cleaning:

Initial Inspection
We start by inspecting your gutters to assess the level of cleaning required. We check for blockages, damage, and potential problem areas, ensuring that we address any issues as part of the service.

Prisma Lighting: Your Top Choice for Home Lighting Near Me in Stockport
If you're looking for home lighting near me in Stockport, look no further than Prisma Lighting. Conveniently located at Unit 10, Gregory Way, Stockport SK5 7ST, we are your trusted local lighting supplier, offering a wide selection of lighting solutions for every room in your home. Whether you are renovating, updating, or simply adding a touch of elegance to your living space, we have the perfect lighting options to suit your needs.

Why Choose Prisma Lighting for Home Lighting Near Me?
When you need home lighting near me, Prisma Lighting is the perfect place to find all the lighting fixtures, bulbs, and accessories you need to brighten up your space. Here’s why we’re the preferred choice for homeowners in Stockport and the surrounding areas:

A Wide Range of Home Lighting Products: At Prisma Lighting, we carry a vast selection of lighting products to meet the unique needs of your home. From pendant lights and chandeliers to wall sconces, floor lamps, and table lamps, we have something to complement every room’s aesthetic. Additionally, our collection includes energy-efficient LED lighting, smart lighting solutions, and outdoor lighting options, allowing you to create the perfect ambiance throughout your home.

Expert Guidance and Personalized Service: Choosing the right lighting can be tricky, but our team of experts at Prisma Lighting is here to help! Whether you’re looking for task lighting for the kitchen or mood lighting for your living room, our friendly and knowledgeable staff will offer personalized advice tailored to your home’s style, size, and layout. We take the time to understand your needs and ensure you select the perfect lighting solutions.

Quality and Durability You Can Rely On: We understand that lighting is an investment in your home. That's why we only offer high-quality products from reputable brands. All of our lighting fixtures are built to last, ensuring that you get reliable, long-lasting performance. From LED bulbs to luxury chandeliers, our selection is designed to enhance the beauty of your home for years to come.

Energy-Efficient Solutions: At Prisma Lighting, we believe in providing energy-efficient lighting options that not only brighten your home but also help reduce your energy consumption. Our collection includes the latest LED lighting technology, which uses less energy and lasts much longer than traditional bulbs, saving you money on your electricity bills.

Affordable Pricing and Value: We offer competitive pricing on all of our lighting products, making it easier for you to transform your home without breaking the bank. Whether you're looking for a stylish statement piece or a functional light fixture, we have affordable options that suit every budget. With Prisma Lighting, you get great value without compromising on quality.

Lighting Solutions for Every Room in Your Home
At Prisma Lighting, we offer a wide range of lighting solutions for every area of your home:

Living Room Lighting: The living room is the heart of your home, and we have the perfect lighting solutions to create a welcoming and comfortable space. Choose from ceiling lights, pendant lights, wall sconces, and floor lamps that provide both style and functionality. Whether you prefer warm, ambient lighting or bright, focused lighting for reading and entertaining, we’ve got you covered.

Kitchen Lighting: The kitchen is one of the busiest rooms in the house, requiring a combination of task and ambient lighting. At Prisma Lighting, we offer a variety of under-cabinet lights, pendant lights, and recessed lighting to illuminate your countertops, cooking areas, and dining space.

Bedroom Lighting: Create a relaxing, tranquil environment in your bedroom with bedside lamps, dimmable lighting, and ceiling fixtures that provide just the right amount of light for your space. Whether you’re winding down for the evening or reading a book, our bedroom lighting options will enhance your comfort.

Bathroom Lighting: Illuminate your bathroom with our stylish and practical lighting options, including vanity lights, mirror lights, and shower lighting. Designed for durability and moisture resistance, our bathroom lighting will keep your space bright and functional.

Outdoor Lighting: Don’t forget your outdoor spaces! Prisma Lighting offers a variety of garden lights, security lights, and motion sensor lights that add beauty and functionality to your yard, patio, or driveway. Our outdoor lighting solutions are weather-resistant and provide reliable performance, day or night.

Why Buy Home Lighting Near Me from Prisma Lighting?

Welcome to Royal Heights: A Vibrant Seniors Active Community in Oshawa

At Royal Heights, located at 30 Adelaide Ave E, Oshawa, ON L1G 0B8, we pride ourselves on fostering a vibrant, seniors active community where residents can enjoy a fulfilling, independent lifestyle. Our goal is to create an environment where seniors feel supported, engaged, and connected, while having the freedom to live their lives to the fullest.

Why Choose Royal Heights for a Seniors Active Community?
As part of our commitment to providing exceptional senior living, we focus on creating a community that prioritizes health, social connection, and personal growth. At Royal Heights, we believe in the importance of staying active—physically, mentally, and socially—and we provide numerous opportunities to help our residents achieve just that.

A seniors active community is not just about maintaining physical health; it’s also about nurturing the mental and emotional well-being of our residents. We offer a range of services, activities, and amenities designed to enhance the quality of life for each individual, ensuring that our residents remain engaged, active, and truly happy.

Key Features of Our Seniors Active Community
1. Engaging Social Activities
Our seniors active community thrives on social interaction. Royal Heights offers a full calendar of events and activities designed to encourage residents to stay connected and involved. From movie nights and group outings to arts and crafts workshops, there's always something fun to look forward to. We believe that fostering a sense of belonging and companionship is a vital part of keeping our residents active and happy.

2. Fitness and Wellness Programs
Physical activity is a cornerstone of healthy aging. At Royal Heights, we offer a variety of fitness programs tailored to seniors. Whether you’re into yoga, stretching, light aerobics, or walking, our fitness programs are designed to keep you moving and feeling your best. Staying active not only promotes physical health but also boosts mental clarity and overall well-being.

3. Healthy Dining Options
In an active seniors community, nutrition is key. At Royal Heights, we provide delicious, nutritious meals prepared by skilled chefs who understand the dietary needs of seniors. Our dining options are designed to offer a balanced, wholesome experience that supports an active and healthy lifestyle.

4. A Safe and Supportive Environment
While independence is encouraged at Royal Heights, we also ensure that our residents have access to the support they need. Our caring staff is always available to assist with daily tasks, and our 24/7 emergency response system ensures peace of mind. You can enjoy all the benefits of an active seniors community while knowing that help is always there when needed.

5. On-Site Amenities for Convenience
Our community is equipped with numerous amenities that enhance convenience and comfort. From our on-site beauty salon to a well-stocked library and comfortable lounge areas, everything you need is just a few steps away. We also offer transportation services to help residents get out and about, whether it’s for medical appointments or local outings around Oshawa.

6. Outdoor Recreation and Relaxation
An active seniors community is also about enjoying the outdoors. Our beautifully landscaped grounds provide ample opportunities to take a leisurely stroll, relax in the garden, or engage in outdoor activities with fellow residents. Fresh air and nature play an important role in mental and physical health, and we make sure to offer plenty of spaces for relaxation and recreation.

A Strong Sense of Community at Royal Heights
At Royal Heights, we understand that a true seniors active community is built on strong relationships and a sense of belonging. We encourage our residents to participate in group activities, meet new friends, and share their experiences with others. We believe that the support of peers and the opportunity to form new connections are fundamental to a fulfilling life.

Our community is designed to create an atmosphere where every resident feels like they’re part of something special. Whether it's through shared hobbies, fitness classes, or simply enjoying a meal together, Royal Heights is the place where you can truly thrive.

Experience the Royal Heights Difference
If you're looking for a seniors active community that promotes well-being, engagement, and independence, Royal Heights in Oshawa is the perfect place for you. With our wide range of services, amenities, and activities, we provide an enriching environment that allows residents to live their lives to the fullest.

For more information or to schedule a tour of our community, please contact us at +19054292351. We look forward to welcoming you to Royal Heights, where active living is more than just a lifestyle—it's a way of life.

Premier Logan Taxi: Your Premier Choice for Luxury Transportation in Boston, MA

At Premier Logan Taxi, we offer more than just a ride—we provide an unforgettable luxury transportation experience in and around the Boston area. Whether you’re heading out for a fun night on the town, attending a corporate conference, or need seamless transportation to and from a hotel, our fleet of high-end vehicles and professional chauffeurs are here to make your journey as enjoyable and stress-free as possible. Located at 525 Beach St, Revere, MA 02151, and available at +17815580222, we specialize in Boston night out limo, Boston concert limo, Boston conference transportation, Boston hotel shuttle service, and Boston convention limo services. Let us show you how luxury travel is done.

Boston Night Out Limo: Make Your Night Unforgettable
Looking to make your night out in Boston extra special? Whether you’re celebrating a birthday, anniversary, or simply having a fun night with friends, Premier Logan Taxi offers the perfect solution with our Boston night out limo service. Our luxurious limousines are equipped with premium amenities to ensure that your night is filled with comfort, fun, and style. From sleek interiors to state-of-the-art sound systems, our Boston night out limo service provides the ideal setting for a night to remember. Sit back, relax, and let our professional chauffeurs handle the driving while you and your friends enjoy your evening in luxury.

Boston Concert Limo: Enjoy the Show in Style
Attending a concert in Boston? Make the experience even more memorable by arriving in style with our Boston concert limo service. Whether you’re going to a performance at the TD Garden, Fenway Park, or any of Boston's famous concert venues, Premier Logan Taxi provides a luxurious, hassle-free ride that ensures you get to the venue on time and in style. Our professional chauffeurs will handle everything from parking to navigating traffic, so you can focus on enjoying the show. With spacious seating, mood lighting, and top-notch amenities, our Boston concert limo service makes every concert experience more exciting.

Boston Conference Transportation: Professional and Efficient
When attending a business conference, the last thing you want to worry about is transportation. Let Premier Logan Taxi handle all your Boston conference transportation needs. Our reliable and professional chauffeurs will ensure that you get to your conference or business event on time, in comfort, and with minimal stress. Whether you need a single ride or transportation for a group, we have the perfect vehicle to accommodate your needs. From luxury sedans to spacious SUVs, our Boston conference transportation service provides a seamless and efficient solution for busy professionals.

Boston Hotel Shuttle Service: Stress-Free Travel to Your Hotel
Getting to and from your hotel should be one less thing you need to worry about. Premier Logan Taxi offers a Boston hotel shuttle service that provides timely, comfortable, and reliable transportation to and from your hotel. Whether you’re arriving at Boston Logan Airport or need a ride from your hotel to a meeting or event, our Boston hotel shuttle service ensures you reach your destination in comfort and on time. Our professional chauffeurs will assist you with your luggage and ensure a smooth ride, allowing you to relax and enjoy your journey.

Boston Convention Limo: Arrive in Comfort and Style
Attending a convention in Boston? Whether it’s for business or leisure, Premier Logan Taxi offers a Boston convention limo service that ensures you arrive at your event in style and comfort. We understand the importance of punctuality and professionalism, and our fleet of luxurious vehicles, including limousines and executive sedans, provides the perfect setting for convention transportation. With spacious interiors, premium amenities, and professional chauffeurs, our Boston convention limo service will get you to your destination with ease and sophistication, leaving a lasting impression on clients and colleagues alike.

Why Choose Premier Logan Taxi?
Luxury Fleet: We offer a diverse fleet of high-end vehicles, from Boston night out limo options to Boston convention limo services, ensuring that we have the perfect vehicle for any occasion.

Professional Chauffeurs: Our chauffeurs are highly trained, courteous, and professional, committed to providing a top-notch experience for every passenger.

Punctuality and Reliability: Whether you need Boston concert limo service or Boston hotel shuttle service, we guarantee timely and dependable transportation, so you never have to worry about being late.

Customer-Focused: At Premier Logan Taxi, we put customer satisfaction at the forefront. We tailor our services to meet your specific needs, ensuring your transportation is hassle-free and enjoyable.

Networking boffins! I’m building a garden office at the end of my garden…garden about 30m long. For internet what do you guys advise on for cabling/any special router? Thanks!

Girlfriend: What are you doing today?
Me: I will be making Angry Garden salad.
Girlfriend: Okay then I will make some dressing.