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LocationBergen, Norway
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Github
Joined devRant on 6/8/2016
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It’s time.
FUCK YOU FRONTEND DEVELOPERS!!!
What the FUCK is wrong with you!?
Could you please STOP creating ”innovate” user interfaces….
Just FUCKING STOP!!!!!
Web after web after web and I can see 100 different fucking date pickers. I mean. WHAT-THE-FUCK!!!
And the menus. GIVE US A FUCKING CLEAR UNDERSTANDING WHERE THE FUCK I AM.
And clicking back SHOULD FUCKING WORK YOU RETARDS!!!
YOU IMBECILS!
And remember the scrolling position. WHAT THE FUCK!? I did that shit
15 YEARS AGO
YOU FUCKERS!!!
It is just… a sad, sad place. I wish the old web was back. Super quick. Simple. Clear.
I get it. It is better now but IT IS NO EXCUSE TO JUST SKIP THE FUNDAMENTALS!!! You bastards!!!
AND WHY THE FUCK THE LARGE IMAGES!? You should have solved this by now!!! Fucking MB!? Are you serious? Did your mother not love you enough?
Oh man that felt good…34 -
I'm now typing clean code. [1]
And it shows - the code really looks better. [2]
.
.
.
.
[1] I cleaned my keyboard by removing every single key and wiping it with alcohol.
[2] After I bought a new monitor, that is.1 -
Non-developers (especially factory workers) don't understand the stress a developer goes through. They say: "What stress could you possibly have? You just sit with your ass behind a computer".
Yeah.. don't get me started.12 -
Where I work, this is something that happens daily because manager (non-programming MBA) want everything now without proper design and architecture.
11 -
If you haven't seen the video instructions for how to factory reset GE's smart light bulbs.
STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND WATCH: https://youtube.com/watch/...
Theres also a twitter thread about this which includes screenshots of their instructions on how to count 2 seconds: https://twitter.com/NumbersMuncher/...
This is what happens when you hire a product manager with no experience and put them in charge of engineering, design, UX (who we kidding they def don't have one of these) etc. This is just magical15 -
Dev of other system : Oh hey, we're implementing a change to this part of the system, will it affect you at all?
Me: Sure, I'll check it out. When are you planning to go live?
Other Dev : Oh it went live yesterday...
🤬😭2 -
Subject: FW: Twilio integration
Date: 20th June
From: <program-lead>
PractiseSafeHex I need you to fill in the dev completion dates for the Twilio task for the mobile team by EOD today. Backend have already supplied theres. Otherwise I will be forced to mark the task as “At Risk”. Please let me know if there is an issue or you are blocked.
—- Begin Forwarded Mail ——
Subject: Twilio integration
Date: 18th June
From: <program-lead>
Hi All,
Documenting today’s meeting minutes. Backend confirmed they will handle the Twilio integration from their side entirely. There will be no mobile work required for this task.
Thank you,
<program-lead>11 -
HR people working in tech companies, let's talk about them...
*phone rings and I pick up*
HR Lady: Hi, this is [name] from [company]. I'm calling you regarding your application you submitted [some date 2 months ago!].
Me: *realizing that I've applied 2 freaking months ago* Hmmm OK....
HR Lady: Yes, well, we asked for your GitHub account, but you seem to have forgotten to provide it.
Me: *open up the email and see that I've sent them my GitLab account* Well, I have the email right here and I did send you a git account. I mean, it's not GitHub specifically but it's a GitLab account, pretty much the same thing, you should be good with that.
HR Lady: OK, let me put you on hold for a minute.
*2-3 minutes passes*
HR Lady: Hi sir, I've asked my colleague [which I suppose is another HR] and he told me that they're not the same thing, we cannot proceed until you give us the right link, you need to send us a link to your GitHub account.
Me: I mean, they aren't the SAME EXACT thing, but both companies provide essentially the same service, it's like Messenger and WhatsApp. Look, I'm pretty sure that if you give this to another programmer they'll be fine.
HR Lady: No, Messenger and WhatsApp aren't the same thing. Sir, please stay polite. We need a GitHub account not a GitLab account.
Me: *mumbling* Oh boy.... M'am, it's OK, I don't need the job anyway, I've found something. Two months is a long time and I needed something quickly. Thank you, have a good day.6 -
I just earned a badge on StackOverflow, let me quote it:
"You've earned the 'Tumbleweed' badge (Asked a question with zero score, no answers, no comments, and low views for a week) for [title]"
... Bruh, am I supposed to be happy now?9 -
WHOA
My grandpa just gave me 100$ for fixing his TV:
-And here is you paycheck son...
-What? Noo, it was literally 2 minutes factory reset, I don't need this :D
-Oh come on. I'm not paying you because you because you pressed some buttons. I pay you, because you exactly knew which buttons to press. Now, take it!
Truly, the man of honor...12 -
If you invite me to a "lunch and learn" about company policies, and I have to bring my own lunch, well, that's just a meeting during my lunch, isn't it?15
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BAM! It's official. The Dutch people have voted against the new surveillance law!
It's about 49 percent against vs 46 percent in favor and the other part voted blank.
I'm happy as fuck!25 -
Ok, this is a rant against some devRanters.
STOP THINKING THE ANSWER TO ANY PROBLEM IS SWITCHING TO LINUX! STOP!
I am a linux user but i fucking hate people who act like dickheads to other OS users.
-A node.js problem is not a windows/linux problem
-An android studio problem is not a windows/linux problem
-A problem with website x is not a windows/linux problem
Understand the problem and give a relevant answer, don't just spit "Use Linux" everytime.40 -
Client: Where are we with the project, it's been a week and I see nothing.
Me: You asked me to do something that was not in the agreed scope of work, which has kept me from starting on the project.
Client: Do I need to plan out everything in advance on paper for you to get it done in a timely manner?
Me: Is that a serious question? Yes, you should. That's the whole point of creating a scope of work. It's to allow me to schedule out the time necessary to build out a product in a "timely manner".
Client: I don't appreciate your attitude. This is not how you should be doing business if you like making money.
Me: I don't appreciate your condescending, unreasonable, dickhead mentality that makes you think it's remotely okay to act like you're better than me. Money doesn't grant you the right to be a dickwad, and just because I'm being paid doesn't mean I have to put up with any level of arrogance or disrespect.
I am in this business to make money, but not at the cost of my dignity and self-respect. You will be receiving a full refund later today, not because I have to provide a refund, but because I never want to communicate with you ever again moving forward. Take your unacceptable bullshit somewhere else.14 -
Well, it happened. The stupidest request, no demand, I have ever, and most likely will ever receive...
Me: So what is it you're looking to do with your website.
Client: We're not showing up Facebook's home page. We need you to fix that. We have a budget of $10,000 to make this happen right now.
Me: As much as I'd love to take your money, that isn't something I can control. Every "home page" is profile-based, which technically isn't a homepage, but a "feed" that changes constantly. So say you create a profile on Facebook, only those you follow, and paid posts show up on your feed. What I can do however is use your budget to create and promote posts from your company page to show on users' feeds. If you're serious about marketing, we can start slow at $250/week, then work our way up or down based on results until your budget is exhausted, then re-evaluate the budget at that time. I can tailor a retainer for you based on the number of ads per week that you'd like to make.
Client: No, this is not what we're asking for at all.
Me: Okay...what is it you're looking for exactly? Run through this in as much detail as possible so I can get on the same page.
Client: We want to be on the main home page of facebook.com. We want our logo on that page when people sign up to make an account, linking to our website.
Me: That's simply not possible. That's Facebook's own home page. Nobody has a right to edit that other than Facebook itself.
Client: Bullshit. There's a Facebook developers section with APIs to edit and view Facebook's entire website. We would do it ourselves, but we signed up and don't understand how to change it in Chrome. That's why we need you and [referring client] said you were the best guy for our needs.
Me: That API has no control over Facebook's corporate data, including their own home page. That API designed ONLY for sections in which you are authorized to access or modify, such as your personal profile or created page for your business.
Client: We know that it can be done. If you don't do it, we'll find someone else who can.
Me: Well good luck with that, because the only way it would be remotely possible to do that WILL involve prison time, since that would be illegal. The only legal way to do it would be to buy Facebook, and they'll laugh you out of the building with that offer. But I'm done with this conversation because I have work to complete from clients that aren't delusional. Have a nice day! [hang up]
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What. The. Fuck.26
