Internship number two.

*walks downstairs to get a coffee*
*CTO (my guider) walks in*
CTO: (dead serious face) "linuxxx (not using my first name :P), come with me please"
*walks along to his office, starting to get reallly fucking nervous*
*CTO and me walk into his office, he sits down and looks at me very serious*
*I'm slightly shaking, nervous, sweating*
CTO: "So."
*oh yes here it is its gonna come I did something wrong fuck fml 😫😥😨😩*
CTO: "So you know quite some stiff around security/privacy. Could you tell me some stuff about why I'd want to use VPN and recommend me some good providers? 😀"
😅
*nearly falls onto the ground from relief*

I explained him some stuff and sent him a list of good providers 😀

Guy called in because he wanted to get an IP white listed on a server. He wasn't authorized so i told him to send an email from an authorized email address.

He didn't like that very much and asked if another engineer was available (he talked to him more often so he thought that engineer would just do it. We need those kind of requests by email.)

Walked over to my colleague and explained what that client asked for.
'let him send an email!'

Told him i ready told the client that but that the client wanted to talk to him instead.

'sure, connect him through and then come back so you can hear him after i ask him to mail us!'

Connected him through. Client explained the situation.

Then he says with the sweetest voice and a 'get rekt' face: 'could you send me an email about that? 😊'

Let's just say that the client sounded everything but happy xD

Contributor badge 👍

Interviewer: So you worked with mysql?

Me: yes, for over 6 years

Interviewer: so, you know how to write queries?

Teacher: Linux is build on Java
Am I dumb or what?

If you refactor code and make it worse, did you refucktor it?

Me: PHP, please load the images.
PHP: No.
Me: Come on PHP, the deadline is tonight.
PHP: Haha nope.
Me: What if I swap the libraries?
PHP: Still no.
Me: What if I add a symlink?
PHP: No. And also I hate you.
Me: *gives up and sends an email to the client saying we have to delay the release*
PHP: lololol jk here's the images haha
Me: :/

I think CS education is getting weaker and weaker every year.
Since they released CS GO, CS seems to be overtaken by little cry kiddies who put out insults like an AK on speed.
I wish CS education was like when CS 1.6 came out.
Those were great years to learn gungames on The Simpsons maps and you were actually able to land headshots by skill and not just utter luck.

NSA: Hey, its looks like you a bit lonely
Me: Yeah sort of

CIA: (Retrieves list of facebook friends), why not hook up with these people
Me: Not interested

FBI: The girl across your room seems to be interested in you
Me: Nah not interested

CIA: We can send someone to keep you company if you want
Me: thanks, not interested

NSA: A girl winked at you at the cafe yesterday
Me: Didn't notice

CIA: What of the lady you spoke to on the phone earlier
Me: Too old

FBI: Can you please move your webcam to the left a little
Me: Bruuuuuhhhhhh!!!

When you fuck up your repo so bad it transforms into guitar hero

dev vision test

I'm going to get message from the NSA for posting this. 😂😂

When you have a million things to do but CS memes are life :)

Someone is mining Bitcoin in town

Good job.

Don't understand USB storage?
Well here it is, in a nutshell -

Scalability

TLDR : I left a company which doesn't understand the concept of email id and passwords.

Me (trying to login to the alumni website) *no register user option*

Customer support - you've to click on forgot password to create an account.
Me - Wonderful

*clicks on reset password*
*enters employee id, name, email, father's name, DOB, date of joining , date of leaving, current city because apparently if I just enter my employee id it is as if they never knew me. Sigh*
*your password will be sent to your email id*

Me - okay. *waits for two weeks because I assumed someone will manually go and create my account and email me, considering the state of system. *

After two weeks,

Me - I still haven't received my password on email after I created my account. Can you please check?

After one week,

Customer support - you need to click on forget password if you forgot your password.

Me - *inventing new curse words* I have not forgot my password, I never received it in the first place!

After one week,
Customer support - yes you'll receive your password on your email id.

Me - *runs out of curse words* seriously dude?
* proceeds to reset password*
System - your password has been reset. Your new password will be sent to your email id. *apparently anyone can reset passwords if you have the employee id, which is an integer*

After a week

Me - Am I going to ever receive the password? I've tried generating passwords, resetting my password. I never get my passwords. What should I do!!

Customer support - yes you need to click on Forgot password.

Me - are you fucking kidding me!!!
You fuckers need to be fired and replaced by a FAQ page which has no question and just a single answer, because a peanut has higher IQ than you. For any questions you may have, just reset password. Goddammit idiots!
Also, which email id are you sending my passwords to?

Customer support - myname@oldcompany.com

Me - you do realize that this is the alumni website for the company. Alumni means ex members.
Being ex members, you can assume we don't have access to our company email ids obviously?

Customer support - yes.

Me - how am I supposed to get the password using my old email id then?

Customer support - you need to click on forgot password option.

I think I should probably move to the Himalayas for my anger management issues. Plus it'll be probably easier to throw idiots off a mountain.

What's wrong with WannaCry? All it does is secure you're system by encrypting your files for you.