Customer: how will this heading look in bold?
Me: Hold a sec, I will show you *opens developer tools in chrome and increments font-weight*
Customer: NO NO NO, undo this. I don't want you to mess up my website.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"The most important skill in life is mitigating frustrations, but please don't get good at it — your suffering is hilarious"

— Girlfriend, while I was trying to fix her CPU cooler.

I realized immediately she just explained why this community exists.

Me: I have been working for you for almost 12 years now, and I feel that my current pay is not comparable to the work I currently produce. Therefore, in order to secure my future as your employee, I must request an immediate raise in pay to a level that is acceptable.

Boss: I can't afford it. If you want more money, you need to bring in more clients, plain and simple.

Me: I'm serious. If I don't get a raise, I will qui---

Girlfriend: Babe, stop talking to yourself and come to bed...

Me: Okay... [looks in mirror] This isn't finished...

Me: Sometimes I talk to myself while debugging.
Me: OMG 😱, me too..
Me: Lets try pair programming next time.

My mom walks in and asks what am I doing and I said hacking government files and she called the police thanks mom😑

What devrant taught me:

Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates gnu+linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😀😄😙

Friend texted me some binary.

Decided to impress him and decode it by hand.

Spent 5 minutes decoding "I eat ass".

Friend : Hey bro I made an awesome program which shows your future wife's name.

Me : Hey that sounds interesting, show me the source code bro !!

Friend shows the code :

#include <bits/stdc++.h>
using namespace std;

int main()
{
string first_name , last_name;

cout << "Enter your first name\n";
cin >> first_name ;

cout << "Enter your last name\n";
cin >> last_name ;

cout << "Your wife's name is " << "Mrs " << last_name << "\n";

}

Me : Dude you are gonna crack Google some day :P

I just saw a website that hid the login and sign up buttons while ad block was enabled. No popups or anything asking me to disable the ad block.

Well played developer, well played.

Best one...

Debugging comments be like...

That makes so much sense 😂😂

clients union

Best possible week 13 rant... 😑

This would be neat

savage

Today I told my boss to move from windows server to Linux Based Server.

Boss: Linux Server is used for small and light projects only.
.
Me: 😠🔫

Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => little success
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => I think I've got it
Try => almost there
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => oh, is that the problem?
Try => fail
.
.
.
=> SUCCESS

Holding the power button to shut down your computer feels like you're choking someone to death.

Spending whole day debugging one error. Fixed it in 10 minutes on the next day. Anyone else ?